i-am-what-they-hate -> saint-hate
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@saint-hate
i-am-what-they-hate -> saint-hate
i wish i had never been free. i wish i had never been happy. lacking those things is drowning me now. what i would give to hurt cleanly again. i wish i had never tasted the forbidden fruit.
there is no such thing as being "behind in life" but it's okay to recognise that you missed out on some things whilst you were busy surviving
sorry but u say u were raised christian and u mean u went to church on easter and your grandma made u say grace. i say i was raised christian and i mean my homeschool science book told me the loch ness monster was proof against evolution. we are simply not comparable
i’ve decided to carry some undying hope with me every day. as a treat
repeating this like a mantra 🧘🏾♀️
Soleoado
IDs: A black and white graphic of four open mouths with the words “It’s not blasphemy God wronged me first.” The second image is the same graphic inverted. ED.
it's okay if you didn't do anything except stay alive today.
Blythe Baird // Dave Eggers
Sometimes the earth itself can be more soothing and more holy and profound than god ever was and ever could be
this is going to be difficult -> i am capable of doing difficult things -> i have done everything prior to this moment -> this difficulty will soon be proof of capability
To myself, raised in an environment that glorified and romanticized restriction and suffering:
There is no victory in skipping dinner, or lunch, or breakfast, or morning coffee, or dessert.
There is no victory in refusing heaters and air conditioners and fans and heated blankets.
There is no victory in denying yourself sleep, or showers, or movement, or water, or a comfortable bed, or taking the elevator vs. the stairs.
There is no victory in refusing pain meds and heating pads and ice packs and medical help.
There is no victory in punishing yourself needlessly, in telling yourself that this pain you feel is because you are bad to the core and deserve it.
There is no victory in choking back your laughter and your tears, to keep an imagined equilibrium of safety that is really just a dry, cracked, empty, endless emotional desert.
You are here. You are in this body, and this body is yours. You deserve good things. You are alive, and that is messy and loud, and messy and loud are okay.
It’s okay to live abundantly. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to indulge. This paralysis of self-punishment, self-restriction, self-loathing is not healthy or good for you.
“It’s spring, you’re young, you’re lovely, you have a right to be happy. Come back into the world.”
— Shirley Jackson, We Have Always Lived in the Castle (via luthienne)
Clementine Von Radics, from In A Dream You Saw A Way To Survive; “You are on the floor crying”
[Text ID: “And you have been / on the floor crying / for days. / And that is you / being brave. / That is you getting through it / as best you know how. / No one else can decide / What your tough looks like.”]