[ID: A series of Discord messages. Transcript:
inber: I love in period dramas when something befalls a family and they must DOWNSIZE and they’re like OH HOW WRETCHED, WE ARE REDUCED TO A COOK AND TWO SERVANTS AND A GROUNDSKEEPER IN THIS 5 BEDROOM COUNTRY HOUSE
(The servants have their own quarters separate from the 5 bedrooms obviously, ew peasants
Then the heroine is like do not fret mama, I am sure we will make new friends and mama is like WE HAVE BUT ONE CARRIAGE AND 6 HORSES WE CANNOT AFFORD FRIENDS
nic | handwrittenhello: HOWEVER WE WILL HOST LAVISH BALLS NOW
inber: Then Lord Cucumberly stops by the house because his horse stepped on a bee and he’s like I’m ever so sorry to bother you, and the heroine is like not at all sir, I’m an expert in horse feets, I read books, and he’s like how QUAINT
Then he takes his tophat off and 40,000£ falls out
And mama pushes the heroine to flirt with him but she’s like no mama! I cannot be with a man who allows his horse to step on bees!!
And mama is like YOU WILLFUL CHILD, I AM TRAPPED ON THIS TINY ESTATE WITH ONLY ONE STRING QUARTET TO AMUSE ME
So the heroine runs from home, distressed and wind-whipped, and into the arms of a bee keeper. But it’s actually lord cucumberly’s brother, basil
Hmm this thread got away from me
Melitele’s Tits: no no keep going, what happens next
Melitele’s Tits: (image of a man eating popcorn while staring intensely at something)
Melitele’s Tits: is basil kind to his bees
inber: Well the heroine scolds him at first and is like how could you be so careless with your bees, letting your brother’s horse step on them!! You should be ashamed sir
And he says ma’am I beg of you, give me leave to explain
nic | handwrittenhello: he has PTSD from the bee wars of 1870
inber: And she says no!! I am to attend lord cucumberly’s ball and I must put on at least 18 petticoats. Goodbye forever
Basil watches her leave, distraught, and considers letting her go. But no! He must tell her!
That night at the ball, Basil makes a loud entrance.
Cucumberly says brother, I didn’t know you were to attend, welcome
And Basil says brother, I didn’t know that you’d STOLEN ONE OF MY BEES TO STING YOUR HORSE, UNTIL I COUNTED THEM
And everyone gasps and the camera zooms in on the heroine
And she says cucumberly is this true? And he stammers and goes no!! No, it’s a falsehood
inber: But Basil says if that is so, let us interview the horse! So they bring the horse into the ball
nic | handwrittenhello: does heroine know how to speak to horses on account of all the reading she does
inber: Basil produces a jar containing a squashed bee and asks the horse, does this look familiar? And the horse neighs in distress and smashes through the french doors, into the night
Cucumberly is shamed and cannot show his face in Upper Shroplingshireton again
And the heroine goes to see Basil to apologize and he says there is nothing to be sorry for…. honey
And they kiss and it turns out basil is a honey millionaire and all their fortunes are restored
The end
By jane austen
vaporwave
yousharknotpass
