Sakhi for South Asian Women

Sakhi unites survivors of violence, communities, and institutions to prevent and end domestic violence in the South Asian community in New York City. We use an integrated approach that combines support and empowerment through service delivery, community engagement, advocacy, and policy initiatives. Sakhi believes in supporting women and their families to achieve safety, empowering our community to become stronger, and advocating for broader social change to fight gender injustice. Sakhi’s blog is an online platform for social justice, gender justice, cultural commentary, and feminist thought within the South Asian diaspora. The views and opinions expressed here do not necessarily represent those of Sakhi for South Asian Women.

[sakhi-nyc]

Community Care in South Asian Organizing Work

By Sahana Mehta

For South Asian organizers and activists today, self and community care are vital to our survival and resistance. I emphasize community care because capitalist structures constantly force us to push it to the wayside, in favor of toxic individualism. In discussing community care in South Asian organizing, I will touch on the following topics: intergenerational networks of solidarity, emotional labor and cultivating the margins, and harnessing collective power and care to sustain our work.

Intergenerational Networks of Solidarity:

I put this point first because I believe that locating ourselves within histories of South Asian resistance grounds us in the work in a way that ties us to our pasts, presents, and futures. In order to do this locating work, we must engage in the ongoing process of excavating our histories. Because of constructions like the model minority myth, many South Asians living in the U.S. struggle to connect themselves with stories of resistance. However, over the past few years, I have learnt that resistance is found where you might least expect it. In my own process, I have talked to my family members about issues ranging from their experiences in pre-Independence India, to their struggles to gain education, to the racism they experienced upon arrival in the U.S., to mental health stigma, to South Asian American women’s activism in the early 2000s, and so on. During this continuous work, one can also enter spaces dedicated to South Asian resistance. For young people (~18-24), programs like Bay Area Solidarity Summer, Los Angeles Summer Solidarity Initiative, Chicago Desi Youth Rising, East Coast Solidarity Summer, and South Asian Americans Leading Together’s Young Leaders Institute create communities of South Asians committed to dismantling systems of oppression. In these communities, I have found mentors, friends, and above all, comrades in the struggle for justice.

Emotional Labor and Cultivating the Margins:

In order to cultivate practices of community care, we must recognize the emotional labor that goes into creating community and organizing spaces, as well as the people who are doing that labor. More often than not, South Asian femmes will perform the labor of creating and sustaining our communities. Furthermore, those whose narratives are constantly erased in South Asian spaces are often called upon or forced to do the labor necessary to make that space habitable for themselves and for others who share their identities. For example, because Indians and Hindus dominate most South Asian spaces, those who are neither Indian nor Hindu often have to expend their energy to remind others that they are not Indian/Hindu, and therefore cannot identify with whatever is being said or done. In order to create strong and lasting South Asian community spaces, those who come from dominant identities must do the work of unpacking their privileges, and learning about other histories and experiences, coming to recognize the deep and perplexing complexities of the region we call “South Asia,” as well as its diaspora.

Harnessing Collective Power and Care to Sustain Our Work:

In order to do transformative justice work, our organizing communities must take the time to create methods of community care that are sustainable for the group, as well as the individual. Furthermore, we must understand and work to heal our traumas. In her article, Reckoning with Trauma 16 Years After, Deepa Iyer, founder of South Asian Americans Leading Together, author of We Too Sing America, and incredible South Asian activist, writes “If our movements, campaigns, and organizations are expected to succeed in post 9/11 America and beyond, we need cultural, systemic and institutional changes that respond to the emotional toll of collective, individual, and historic trauma” (Iyer). Like Deepa, I believe that we will have to do organizing work to dismantle the structures that prevent us from pursuing collective care. And though we must do this work, it is important to remember that our movements cannot embody justice if they replicate capitalist and oppressive strategies.  

In times of intense violence and fascism against our and other communities, we must learn to recognize our intersectional identities in their totality, and from there, pursue this labor of love.

Bibliography

https://medium.com/@dviyer/https-medium-com-dviyer-reckoning-with-trauma-16-years-after-sept11-98e063b6197e

Sahana Mehta is a rising second year at Scripps College majoring in Feminist Gender Sexuality Studies and International Intercultural Studies. She is also a former Sakhi Development Intern. Sahana is involved in a lot of organizing work on her campus and is committed to cultivating radical South Asian spaces wherever she can. 

[sakhi-nyc]

Why Digital Literacy is Important to Gender Equality

By Ananya Gurumurthy

This summer, I had the honor of being selected as a US Youth Ambassador for the international TechGirls Exchange Program.  The TechGirls program is sponsored by the US Department of State and connects young women from countries in the Middle East and North Africa (MENA nations) with young women from the US.  The program is a ten day immersion program in computer science with coding sessions taught by professors from the Virginia Tech Computer Science Department. On the third day of class, I met a remarkable teaching assistant, Ms. Kay, a PhD student in computer science.  Ms. Kay shared her inspiring journey from western Kenya to the United States.

Ms. Kay hails from a small village in Kenya, where young women are not allowed to pursue higher education.  The moment Ms. Kay asked her parents about her aspirations to pursue a college degree in computer science after high school, she was told that the place for a young woman was not in college, but in a home with a husband and children.  Thankfully, Ms. Kay did not allow her journey to be deterred by archaic values that had limited so many women before her; she began looking for universities abroad. She tirelessly searched for scholarship opportunities and other ways in which she could make college a reality for herself.  After years of hard work and persistence, Ms. Kay arrived at Virginia Tech, now a PhD student and researcher.  She has gained much recognition for her research and inspiring personal story.

I was also in an environment in which many young women hailed from countries in MENA  nations, eager to overcome obstacles often built by their societies.  These girls worked far past the designated “class time” and came up with creative games and  projects.  More importantly, all of them went back to their respective countries motivated to teach other young women in their nations how to code and become digitally literate.  Some even earned scholarships to their countries’ top universities to study computer science and software engineering as a result of their tireless efforts.

The stories of the MENA TechGirls and Ms. Kay are stories of perseverance and overcoming challenging odds.  Furthermore, these stories are proof of the empowering effect of women immersing themselves in technology.  

Technology represents a disruptive force in our economy and more women must begin participating in its tremendous growth trajectory.  In pursuing digital literacy skills, women across the world can help empower themselves, their children, and others. The current salary for the average programmer is nearly $80,000 making it a great avenue for financial empowerment, independence, and self-sufficiency.  Increasingly, more companies are looking to diversify their workforce by including more women. Tech companies like Google, Apple, Facebook, Dropbox, WhatsApp, etc want to enhance gender equity in the workplace and are enabling many new learning tools and platforms. For this reason, learning to code and develop has become increasingly available and affordable. With free online sources such as Coursera, edX, Udemy, and MIT Open Courseware, learning the skills necessary to program is easier.  Digital literacy can be a great vehicle to support women and their families move towards greater stability and better opportunities.  

Ananya Gurumurthy, 15, is an aspiring activist from Scarsdale, NY.  She has recently gotten involved with Sakhi, and hopes to continue contributing in the future!  Recently, she began the local Digital Literacy Initiative in her local district with her State Senator to help ensure the inclusion and participation of underserved girls in computer science and engineering fields.  Her interest in the inclusion of women in computer science was further extended when she was selected as a US Youth Ambassador for the US TechGirls Exchange Program and spent nearly two weeks with young women from the Middle East and North Africa learning about empowering women in the aforementioned communities.  She hopes to continue her journey in working with digital literacy to propel equity and empowerment for women around the country!

[sakhi-nyc]

Convenient Reclamation

By Saleha Irfan

Earlier last year, Azealia Banks stirred controversy by calling Zayn Malik a “curry scented bit*h” during a Twitter feud. The global South Asian community responded with hilarious and cutting comebacks, ridiculing her for stereotyping South Asians. My social media feeds were flooded with impassioned proclamations. How dare she reduce us to curries and bindis? And yet, something about the reaction bothered me immensely. This was a convenient opportunity to celebrate our heritage by posting pictures of ourselves in saris and shalwar kameez but when it came to showing a more nuanced perspective of South Asia, we were sadly lacking. I had never seen these people talk about South Asian issues in any other capacity.

When I first flew to Dartmouth College from Lahore, Pakistan two years ago, I didn’t quite know what to expect. There were a lot of things going through my mind: moving to another country, being away from my friends and family for most of the year, and of course, starting fresh at a new college. Until that point, I had never had to evaluate the way I was presenting my culture to the world; after all, there weren’t many people around me I had to explain my culture to. My thoughts were essentially limited to hoping that I wouldn’t be ‘randomly’ selected during immigration and the idea that I would always have to speak English.

I quickly signed up to join the South Asian student group on campus at the activities fair. I wanted to meet other South Asians, not only so we could get together to watch Bollywood movies or have brunch at the single Indian restaurant in town but also to continue the conversations I had begun at home with other young people about the issues within our communities that moved or disturbed us. The taboo around sexual assault, rampant social inequality, and persistent jingoism were just some of the things I wanted to dive into.  

The student group, like other cultural groups on campus, held regular events in which I participated, but after the third mango lassi social I had begun to grow weary. How much longer were we going to keep this up? When I brought up ideas for discussion such as colorism or manufactured nationalism, I was met with a strange mix of defensiveness and ignorance. I was told that I shouldn’t talk about such sensitive issues because it was better not to rock the boat or that I was sadly mistaken and certain problems such as the caste system simply did not exist anymore. It seemed like ownership of a desi identity

Not much thought went into the planning of the events hosted; the assumption was that we had to keep it fun and somewhat “relatable” so that the rest of the student body would be encouraged to attend our events. This resulted in the regurgitation of the same themes time and time again – the focus would essentially be on North India, featuring Bollywood music, the few items popular on the menu at the nearest Indian restaurant and all of us wearing that one outfit we had packed for such events. No one was entirely blameless, whether it was the freshmen and upperclassmen who were part of the organization (me included) or the ones who willfully refused to be part of the association saying that it was “too American” for their taste.

Frustrated, I posted on Facebook groups consisting of South Asian students in colleges across the US, asking them whether they felt the same annoyance at the lack of engagement with the deeper issues found within our communities. Across the board, the responses were remarkably similar. Many felt that not only were other countries such as Bangladesh, Nepal and Bhutan (to name a few) left out of the narrative, but even topics requiring deeper reflection in well represented countries such as India and Pakistan, were usually not spoken about. People presented a range of opinions as to why this was the case. Some felt that they had little exposure to the more nuanced aspects of their culture growing up in the US and so were less equipped to ensure that South Asian culture(s) was not seen as a monolith. Others pointed out the fact that certain social and ethnic groups were more likely to be wealthier and thus attend college, leading to a slanted demographic within the student body of colleges such as Dartmouth.

During discussions with my peers I learned that many of them were hesitant to approach controversial topics such as the caste system, Kashmir, and sectarian violence for fear of tensions rising between different groups on campus, including the faculty and administration. Another major complication was an unwillingness to identify as ‘one of those’ South Asians - the ones who smelt like curry and always had oil in their hair. Many students preferred to assimilate as much as possible, especially since they had faced bullying in school for not presenting themselves as ‘American enough’. I was soon starting to understand why some of the South Asians, especially the ones who still lived in the region, preferred to stay away from such student bodies; there was a multitude of obstacles surrounding an honest and productive discussion along with the absence of representative demographic in the student body.  

I could no longer roll my eyes every time someone asked me if I spoke ‘Pakistani’ or when the South Asian Student Association would screen a Shahrukh Khan blockbuster yet again. Granted, I had no duty to act as a walking-talking encyclopedia on the numerous political, cultural and social problems of more than 1.7 billion people spread across an entire subcontinent. However, it felt ultimately lazy and dishonest to complain about the silence we ourselves had upheld. How could we, when we had done nothing to change it?

As I enter into my junior year, these thoughts take on a greater urgency. I hope to see some sustainable change in this narrative. This is not a problem limited to my college, nor is it one that can be fixed by simply screening a documentary. If we are so quick to get riled up so we can tweet pictures of ourselves at weddings when Azaelia Banks calls us “curry scented b*tches” or engage in a fierce debate about biryani, why can’t we expend the same energy on paying attention to problems that affect us and the generations to come? This has become all the more relevant in light of the current discussions of identity that are taking place across college campuses, and the world in general. As the new academic year approaches, with fresh students joining our communities, I hope to make others more mindful of the ways in which we choose to shape our story.  

Saleha Irfan is a student at Dartmouth College and a Sakhi summer 2017 intern. 

[sakhi-nyc]

Reflections on East Coast Solidarity Summer (ECSS) 2017

East Coast Solidarity Summer (ECSS) is a leadership and empowerment program for youth of South Asian and Indo-Caribbean heritage who are passionate about social justice. Each year, the organization holds a summer program for South Asian youth from ages 15-24. Their summer program provides a radical and inclusive space to examine key social justice issues and take action. It also works to engage participants in critical reflection, community building, activism, and organizing.

Just last month, I had the privilege of attending ECSS 2017. This was my first time going out of state by myself, let alone go to New Jersey to live with strangers for five days. Needless to say, I was very nervous going in. However, as soon as I arrived, those fears dissipated. ECSS instantly became the most loving, welcoming, and accommodating environment I’ve ever been in. In just five days, I shared more of myself with my fellow ECSS participants and organizers than I do with most friends that I’ve known for years. Through the workshops, ranging from topics such as mental health to capitalism to queer and trans liberation, I not only learned a great deal about issues plaguing the South Asian diasporic community, but also grew as a person.

While ECSS provided an incredible space for radical South Asian youth to grow, reflect, and connect, there was something missing. At ECSS, as in many South Asian and Indo-Caribbean organizing spaces, there is a lack of representation of marginalized groups within our diaspora. The majority of participants and organizers at ECSS were Hindu, upper-middle class, upper-caste Indian Americans. For spaces that work to educate about the nuances and diversity within the South Asian diaspora, there is a consistent absence of Dalit, Muslim, Indo-Caribbean, indigenous, and working class voices in South Asian activism. As Dalit activist Thenmozhi Soundararajan states in her article Caste Privilege 101 - A Primer for the Privileged, “To create safe spaces for discussions of casteism in our organizing circles requires self-reflection and action. It is simply not a progressive, anti-communal, and revolutionary space, if all the leadership is upper-caste. Period.”  Thus, spaces such as ECSS often raise the question - how can we call ourselves radical activists if we are unable to reach the most marginalized?

One of the best ways to remedy this issue within South Asian activist spaces is to spread the word. Radical South Asian and Indo-Caribbean spaces are extremely important, and it is vital to make these spaces accessible to as many people as possible. I can say with complete honesty that ECSS was one of the most amazing and transformative experiences of my life, and I truly hope that as many members of the South Asian diasporic community as possible also have the ability to experience it. Because ECSS makes all of its money through crowdfunding, the responsibility of donating to keep ECSS alive falls on the privileged members of our community. So, I am calling upon those who fall into that category to help provide marginalized groups within the diaspora with the opportunity to partake in this incredible experience. You can donate via Venmo: @eastcoastsolidaritysummer or PayPal: MelissaKapadiaBodi.

//

Sabrina Rich is a rising third year at Macaulay Honors at Hunter College studying Sociology and Political Science with a minor in Asian American Studies. She also organizes on campus with the Coalition to Revitalize Asian American Studies at Hunter (CRAASH), a student organization that fights for an Asian American Studies major and department. In addition, she is the co-founder of Pads for the People, an organization that hosts menstrual product drives to support homeless people on their periods. If you want to learn more about these orgs or connect with her, you can find her on Facebook!

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Our Executive Director Kavita Mehra

What are you most excited for in your new role as Executive Director at Sakhi for South Asian Women? 

We are living in a time when voices of hatred and bigotry are becoming amplified, and we need to mobilize quickly to challenge and quell such ignorance. Our communities are increasingly at risk of being further displaced onto the margins of our country. Now, more than ever, Sakhi is more vital and relevant to combat injustice. Our vision is to create gender equity and justice, and I am both honored and humbled to contribute towards this movement to advance the mission forward.

Did you have a moment or experience in your life that made you realize you wanted to devote yourself to advocacy? 

My family was part of the migration of South Asians that arrived in the 1970's, and after moving around for the first few years, we settled in Carteret, NJ. At the time, we were the third South Asian family to move into what was a White working class town. There was a great deal of overt racism my family and I experienced from the community. It was this community backlash that occurred outside of our home, and the challenges inside of our home, that shaped my decision at an early age to spend my life working for justice and equity.

Who is a badass feminist you admire and why?  

While attending university, I gravitated towards studying postcolonial feminist theory and subaltern studies. I believe the post-colonial experience is what roots communities of color, particularly within the United States. The list is long: Bell Hooks, Angela Davis, Audre Lorde, Maxine Hong Kingston, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, Lilly Singh (IISuperwomanII), President Barack Obama, and Malala. However, it is Chandra T. Mohanty's quote "We were not born women of color, but we became women of color here" that reminds me of how identity is created and shaped to segregate power. Her work, particularly this quote, resonated with me years ago, and is something I remind myself of daily. In fact, I consider it my mantra.

What’s your favorite summer drink / cocktail? 

Right now it is the 2013 Chardonnay from One Woman Wines and Vineyards. Even more compelling than this vintage, is the story of the woman who started the vineyard.

Do you have any advice for young activists in this political moment? 

This moment is our time to mobilize. Actively engage with, and participate, within your local community. Reach out to your local elected officials. Organize other activists to be a part of movement building- by volunteering at Sakhi or another CBO. Go even further and don't stop, in fact, mobilize a base and run for elected office. Power comes from sources of energy, and we need to identify and diversify those sources in order to establish equity.

[sakhi-nyc]

Resistance and South Asian American Youth

From July 19th to 21st, I attended the South Asian Americans Leading Together (SAALT) Young Leaders Institute in the Washington D.C. area. This year, YLI’s theme is Combatting Islamophobia. YLI brings young people ages 17 to 24 together for a convening, followed by a year-long fellowship focused on cultivating projects to create justice in our own communities. 

During my time at YLI, I came to realize that many of us are struggling with the same issue: apolitical South Asian communities on our college campuses.

Over the past few decades, many of the country’s colleges and universities have established groups and organizations for their South Asian populations. From Club Zamana at Columbia and Barnard, to Ekta at the Claremont Colleges, to the South Asian Students’ Association at UChicago, South Asian affinity groups have taken shape within several unique campus environments. It seems that, for years now, South Asian communities at many colleges and universities have seen a common shift that centers around the question: should this be a space for South Asian people to feel connected to their culture through parties and other social events? or, should this be a space for South Asian-identifying folks to engage in reflection about their positionalities and identities, and take action against injustice?

During YLI, our cohort shared dinner with Deepa Iyer, founder of South Asian Americans Leading Together and author of We Too Sing America. In talking about South Asian organizations on our college campuses, many of us asked Deepa about her experience with her South Asian Students’ Association in college at Vanderbilt University. She told us that she had experienced many of the same struggles with regard to an apolitical SASA organization, but also noted that since she left Vanderbilt, the club has maintained political programming. Deepa advised each of us to mentor the next generation of South Asian college students, in order to sustain the efforts of radical South Asians on campus. Later in the evening, I asked Deepa what to do when my SASA has repeatedly used my labor and drained my energy, without becoming self-critical enough to genuinely take up the work of dismantling anti-Black racism, sexism, transphobia, queerphobia, classism, Indo and Hindu-centrism, and so on. Deepa told me that in this pivotal political moment, we must invest our energies in people and spaces that are willing to do the hard work of resistance.

Deepa also told us about the history of SAALT. Originally, SAALT was focused on Indian American leadership. However, after 9/11, Deepa and others made a conscious decision to make it a truly South Asian organization. At this point, the organization lost several of its Indian-identifying board members, demonstrating the Indo-centrism that pervades many South Asian spaces. From then on, SAALT has been the primary advocate for the civil rights of South Asian Americans on a policy level.  

As South Asian American young people, we must engage deeply with our own communities, and build unwavering solidarities with other marginalized communities. We must remember the resistance and resilience of South Asian people and mobilize against injustice in these tumultuous times.

To find out more about SAALT’s Young Leaders Institute, please click the link below:

http://saalt.org/programs/young-leaders-institute/

Sahana Mehta is a rising second year at Scripps College majoring in Feminist Gender Sexuality Studies and International Intercultural Studies. She is currently a Development Intern at Sakhi. Sahana is involved in a lot of organizing work on her campus and is committed to cultivating radical South Asian spaces wherever she can. If you want to connect with her, feel free to message her on Facebook! 

[sakhi-nyc]

What You Should Know About Title IX

With campaigns like It’s On Us, #DearBetsy, and End Rape On Campus, the prevalence of sexual violence on college campuses is beginning to be demystified. The 1 in 4 statistic, that approximately 20% of women will be sexually assaulted during their time in college, has hit mainstream media, but measures for survivors to feel safe, report their perpetrator, receive accommodations, complete their education, and begin their healing processes are more difficult to find.

Title IX, the federal law that protects students against sexual violence, affords survivors with a myriad of rights and protections that are rarely publicized or known. It states that, "no person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.” (Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1920, 20 U.S.C. §1681)

What this boils down to is any educational institution that receives federal funding (most colleges fall under this category) is legally required to respond to any complaints brought forward about sexual assault. Your school cannot ignore an allegation!

Title IX requires that particular measures be followed to ensure best practices in supporting survivors. Your school MUST have -

A Title IX Coordinator: the point person for survivors to go to if they want to report their assault. This person coordinates the subsequent investigation and disciplinary process. Their name/title, office address, phone number, and email should be easily accessible to all students.

You have the right to ask for an advisor to be there with you throughout the reporting process. This person can be an internal support person such as a professor, friend, family member, or external support person, including lawyers. Reporting sexual assault can be isolating and terrifying, but you deserve support and care from your trusted allies. You are allowed to share any/all details about the complaints made with your advisor.

Clear grievance procedures: aka an accessible process by which discrimination can be reported. This procedure must be PROMPT and equitable. Investigations should take no more than 60 calendar days. This time frame is often adjusted based on the complexities of the case.

You have the right to report your school to the Office of Civil Rights if the Title IX complaint process is unreasonably delayed. This is a violation of Title IX!

Employee Training: any employees of the college that may receive reports of sexual assault are required to be trained on how to identify and respond to disclosures. These employees could include professors, administrators, coaches, health center staff, and resident advisors.

You have the right to know who is a Mandated Reporter and who is not. A Mandated Reporter has an obligation to report instances of sexual assault or violence to the college. Confidential resources, on the other hand, will not disclose anything about the assault without the survivor’s consent. Your autonomy in making decisions about what to do after your assault takes priority. You know what is best for you and your healing process!  

Reporting options: Under the Clery Act, colleges must inform survivors of their reporting options through the school and to the police.

The Clery Act is a federal law that requires colleges to report crimes that occur on campus. It includes the Campus Sexual Assault Victim’s Bill of Rights, which requires colleges to disclose educational programming, disciplinary processes, and survivor rights during the reporting process.

You have the right to accommodations whether or not you choose to report to the police or pursue reporting internally through the school’s grievance procedures. This means that you are entitled to changes in your academic or extracurricular schedules to prevent hostile environments that might compromise your education, safety measures, such as no contact orders or a restraining order. Your school must provide you with tutoring, counseling, or other support services at no cost to you if you need them to continue your education.

If your school does not provide you with these resources, they are in violation of Title IX policy and can be reported to the Office of Civil Rights. Discrimination complaints can be filed online at https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/howto.html.

Sources:

https://www.knowyourix.org/

https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/tix_dis.html

https://pomona.callistocampus.org/reporting/pomona-policies/#your-title-ix-rights

Sagarika Gami is a senior at Pomona College studying Gender & Women’s Studies. She enjoys reading memoirs and listening to spoken word poetry on youtube (she stumbled across this piece last night and it might be a new favourite - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gSCEImUey8).

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Poet & Photographer Shriya Samavai

Shriya Samavai is a photographer and poet of Indian descent living in New York City and a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! She works to empower people of color and gender non-conforming people through her photographs and poems. She has written and photographed for publications including Vice, Rookie Mag, and The Huffington Post. In March 2017 she published her first chapbook 'Somewhere Between Silver & Gold', a collection of poetry on gender, religion, and dissociation. Find her on Instagram at @shriyasamavai. 

Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process? 

Photography is my primary art form, and I use it as a way to document moments that feel worthy of being remembered. Sometime the images are impactful to others, sometimes only to me. I love how making a good photo can make me feel like a superstar. When I photograph a subject and they see their true self in the image, it's a confidence boost for them and for me too. Having a good photo of anything - whether it's yourself or something important to you - can be so positively impactful and it feels really special to be a part of that. I've been writing poetry since grade school but only now am I figuring out my style, which is somewhere between free verse and prose. I write poems as a way to work through my thoughts and find patterns between events and ideas. More often than not, if I have a question at the onset of a poem, I've answered it by the end. What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice? 

A lot of my work is driven by empowering marginalized identities, with a focus on women of color and gender non-conforming people (of color or otherwise). There's a lack of diverse representation in the industry and I'm motivated to help fix it. There needs to be more POC and GNC artists, writers, models, musicians, creators of any type represented in media. The process of documentation--whether I'm writing about my own identity or photographing POC and GNCP--is a step on the path towards increasing visibility in media and self-actualization.

Who is an Asian artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why? 

I am infinitely inspired by Durga Chew-Bose, a writer from Montreal who loves the color purple and a young Al Pacino. It's so easy to get lost in her musings on details that are overlooked by most.

What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31? 

I'll be performing a selection from my chapbook Somewhere Between Silver & Gold, a collection of poetry I wrote in New York City and India between 2013-2017. The pieces I'll be reading pertain to navigating gender identity as a South Asian. 

What's your favorite thing about summer in New York? 

I love that the sun doesn't set until late, that you can stumble across friends on the street because everyone is out wandering. 

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Singer / Songwriter Ashni

Ashni is a singer, songwriter, living-room-dancer, and a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! She is inspired by how individuals learn to build relationships to the self, to others, and to communities. With soulful melodies, powerful lyrics and rhythmic current, heavy with jazz and R&B influence, she gracefully envelops listeners in a reflective, cathartic dimension. She is currently teaching, creating and performing in New York City. Her performance credits include Rockwood Music Hall, Music Hall of Williamsburg, The Greene Space, Rough Trade, and more. Her music has been featured on Spotify's Women of Jazz playlist, Bitch Media's Podcast: Growing Up Immigrant, and the acclaimed web series Brown Girls. More at www.ashnimusic.com

Ashni just released a new song, “Weave” -- take a listen on Spotify, Website, BandCamp, and iTunes! 

A bit about the song: "Weave" is a downtempo song with both acoustic and electronic elements. Ashni writes about the interactions between people and the systems they are brought up in. The first tune she completed after last year's election, she sings about frustration, processing hate, attempts to understand and connect, hope, and healing.

Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process? 

Music is an outlet for me, and a space to play, heal, and grow. My process can vary for every project, but I often start at the piano, continue writing lyrics away from the piano, and then start fitting everything together. Sometimes the harmony, melody, and lyrics come all at once and I continue to adjust it. 

What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice? 

Gender justice means the equal value and opportunity for all people, regardless of gender ascription or perception.I think about the role of gender justice in my art in many ways. I am conscious of that way I choose to dress, sometimes more femme, and sometimes less. I am conscious of the amount of hair on my legs. I lead my band, conscious of the perceptions of a female singer songwriter, striving to create and perform strong work - musically and lyrically - that will connect with people, and combat and surpass stereotypes, and to inspire higher level thought and discussion amongst audience members.

Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why? 

Fatimah Asghar is a super talented writer and creator, who works together with other artists to better everybody's work and visibility. Shana Bhattacharya is also my favorite painter of wardrobes and birthday cards. 

What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31? 

I'll be playing some songs off of my last live session release, some newer ones - including one I just released on July 22, called "Weave".

What's your favorite thing about summer in New York? All of the music festivals!!! My favorites are Rumsey Playfield in Central Park and Prospect Park, you can hear quite well on both for an outdoor stage, and they bring incredible artists.

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Writer & Performer Shubha

Shubha is an Indo-Canadian-New Yorker, and can be found complaining when it's hot and when it's cold. She’s also a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! She's an engineer, works in criminal justice reform, and is a creator of stories and arts & crafts. She founded Kalyani Magazine, has published prose, poetry and visual art in various magazines including Off the Coast and A Common Thread, has performed original work in the Vagina Monologues, Yoni Ki Raat 2016, Six Word Memoirs, and more, and is a Voices Of Our Nation (VONA) graphic novel alum. She co-directed Yoni Ki Raat 2017. Learn more at http://www.sbartist.org/. 

Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?

I don’t have one main style of art – I dabble in poetry, crafts (lately paper engineering), illustrations and comics – but my recent performances have been autobiographical story-telling. In terms of story-telling, my artistic process could be defined as an unorganized temper tantrum.  I tend to start my creation from an inspired spark - usually an epiphany about different threads in my life that make me especially angry, or a feeling that I have never been able to put into words.  I work on a story to give voice to the experience, or, rather, I unsuccessfully try to squish about 10 different stories together. After countless edits, additions, and feedback from my trusted friends, the next phase is where I get frustrated, hate everyone, and decide I’m a horrible writer. When I’m lucky enough to have a deadline looming, I reluctantly continue to edit, and then hopefully, kill my darlings (or set them aside for next time), and end up with an arc to follow. This year, I have been working on moving past the words and embracing the emotional arc, trusting my body to do what it needs to on stage. Music has been an essential part of helping this happen.

What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?

This question is daunting because gender justice means so many things, and yet in its essence, I suppose, it means that women, and gender non-conforming people, get to live, and live fully.

The piece I'll be performing at the Sakhi event is about how our bodies are claimed and controlled when it comes to reproduction. This reality, which I was always somewhat aware of, really slapped me in the face when my body was finally “deemed ready for reproduction” (ie, married to a cis-man). For example, information on monthly changes in cervical fluid, body temperature, etc, and how that correlates to the cycle the inside of our body follows is information that is really passed onto us in great detail when we’re given books and apps on how to get pregnant. Had I known this information when I was a teenager, I would have actually like I owned my own body (a feeling I revel in now even though I’m no longer trying to get pregnant).  It is incredibly empowering knowledge – so it’s not a surprise that it’s kept from us. So although my story is very narrowly focused on a few specific anecdotes, it's actually about the way I, as a human being, have been controlled. In fact, the spark of anger that started this story wasn’t about pregnancy at all, it was getting married and how that tiny legal act seemed to come with a complete redefinition of me, against my will, as a wife. In either case – getting married or reproductive control - what I'm not allowed to do is live my life, fully.

Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?

Alok Vaid-Menon.  I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing the Dark Matter duo, but I finally saw Alok at last year’s Sakhi Gender Justice and the Arts event and I was blown away.  They are an incredible artist, performer, and poet, and that alone is inspiring.  I scribbled down quotes from the evening, and one that has given me strength this past year was “I don’t believe you have to have hope to keep trying”.  I follow them on Instagram now and even their Instagram feed inspires me! @alokvmenon

What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?

I am a non-singer. Just a couple of years ago I didn't even sing to myself in the shower, I only sang in muttered breathe under really loud music because I had way too much shame. I pushed myself on a whim.  I felt like a hypocrite as a champion and supporter of all people having a voice, muzzling my own voice. Somehow (through a long, terrifying journey), I've now sung in front of a total of 390 people! So you can look forward to a terrified, bad singer, pushing herself on stage, and my gratitude to you being part of my journey.

What's your favorite thing about summer in New York?

Fireflies in abandoned lots.

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Artist Riti Sachdeva

Riti Sachdeva is a theatre maker, dancer, cultural worker, and a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! She has been creating art in some shape, form, or rhythm for twenty five years, incorporating text, installation, and dance into her work. Born in India, she is deeply influenced by the vast land, history, mythology and people of her origins. Raised in the U.S., her work is marked by the social and political climate of the Americas.

Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?

This particular piece, an excerpt from a full length "solo" show I'm developing, is a mash up of cabaret, memoir, and mysticism.

Each process is different. In the process for this excerpt, I've written a rough draft after weeks of dreaming on it. Now I'll be in the rehearsal room with director Rebecca Martinez and musician Sweet Lee Odom to manifest it from page to stage.

In the rehearsal process, the script will most likely go through changes: throwing out what’s too much explanation, bringing in what needs more information, seeing where movement and embodiment can replace text, exploring how the clarinet will underscore, accent, mimic, negate attitudes and actions in the text… lots of work to do these next few weeks.

What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?

Gender justice spans and delves into almost every aspect of my life. It means parity and opportunity, and also, aesthetic, content, process, voice.

I specifically sought out a female musician and director for this piece. For their visibility, for their particular talents, perspectives, skills, communication styles... and the possibility of collaborating in a an honest and generous way.

I'm looking at gender and social justice in the personal, political, and spiritual which are all ultimately intertwined.

Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?

So many!

The singer Susheela Raman - so sensual, deep, diasporic, and funny! Listening a lot to Karvika, lately, too - powerful blend of east and west. Pianist Kieko Matsui - love writing with her music  playing - both melancholy and faithful. Playwrights Mashuq Deen and Susan Soon He Stanton for their persistence and daring. Recently was introduced to performance artist Maya Krishna Rao - totally wild and smart.

What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?

They can look forward to experiencing a spell of sorts. Sweet Lee is a dedicated, disciplined, soulful horn player and Rebecca Martinez is a thoughtful, no nonsense, adventurous director. The three of us are brewing some majik.

What's your favorite thing about summer in New York?

Free concerts in the parks!!!!!

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Artist Bex Kwan

Bex Kwan is a queer/trans chinese-singaporean multimedia artist who works in words, food, and performance, and a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! Their creative practice asks questions about family, faith, domestic labor, race, migration, and tenderness. Bex has been invited to present at theaters/galleries/ universities in Singapore and the US, including La MaMa and Brooklyn Arts Exchange, and was a part of EMERGENYC—the Hemispheric New York Emerging Performers Program. More at www.bexkwan.com 

Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process? 

I'm a performer, cook and organizer.  I mostly write the poems I perform on the C train, in the “notes” app on my phone when I run out of downloaded podcasts. I've never really written to process, I guess, but I think about performing as a way for me to puzzle through questions that I haven't figured out yet. Like maybe someone who's listening is trying to think through the same thing and we're having a brainstorm session. I’m drawn to creating gentle moments where people direct their energy inward and take a second to be still. Maybe it's a meal that you can't scroll through Facebook while eating it because it demands your undivided attention. Or a string of sounds that makes you rack your brain trying to remember which 90s song you heard it sampled in. It's all about the audience for me, you know that moment when you feel the whole room levitate with you. It's my favorite. 

What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice? 

My art making stems from a need to make mirrors for my communities to see ourselves, to know that the ghosts we struggle with are big and real, and to build the power in all difficult and magnificent parts of our being. I think about my creative practice and my organizing practice as one in the same, except with different materials. One involves text, voice, food. Another involves people, money, land. Both come from the understanding that the relationship that queer/trans asian-ed bodies have to a white gender narrative is inherently connected to the way the U.S. has and continues to amass wealth and power as an empire. Both are ways that I work through and to bring more free. 

Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why? I'm gonna cheat and list a couple: I think the work that Equality Labs does is awesome. I'm looking forward to Janani Balasubramanian's speculative fiction novel. Mia Katigbak is a power house producer and breathtaking to watch onstage. They all do hard work with tenderness, and that sits right with me.

What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31? 

A couple of poems and maybe a cute outfit.

What's your favorite thing about summer in New York? 

My dog looks 100% happier in the summer because it's hot so their mouth hangs open. Picture below:

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Writer & Performer Dee Mandiyan

Dee Mandiyan is a queer South Asian writer and performer and featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! Their passion lies in expanding models of gender, racial, and sexual identity and promoting more complex narratives of those intersections. Much of their time is spent advocating and agitating for racial and queer justice through literature, education and social media. In their free time, they write fiction, tell amazing dad jokes, fight dragons, and obey the whims of neighborhood cats. Catch Dee at our show this month and on Instagram @deemn716. 

Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process? 

My writing has a pretty wide range—I started and have done the most formal training in poetry, but have been writing fiction for years and years. Most recently, I’ve gotten into the “creative non-fiction” type of work—reflecting on my own experiences and building a thematic tapestry from them. Process-wise, I’m what some folks call an “immersive” writer, which means I basically hole up in a quiet place and put myself into the exact mood of the piece I’m writing and then bang out words for hours and hours and hours. I’m not methodical about it—it’s something that happens when inspiration and will co-conspire.

What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice? 

Gender justice is foundational to my creative process; I define who I'm writing about and what processes they experience internally and externally based on the dynamics of representation and oppression I experience and learn about within my communities. My introduction to social justice was through gender—the constant punishment of how I was performing or not performing gender, the culture clash and the never-ending sense of being neither this nor that but having no other options visible to me. I’m hoping to take my work in the direction of representing more of the gender options available to black and brown people in all their complexities. 

Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?

To be honest—I don’t know! There are folks who I’ve seen as similar enough to me for their work to be meaningful, but it isn’t until really recently that I’ve felt a sense of recognition from and community with APIDA performers who have also been figuring out body and gender and survival and struggle and—most importantly for me—solidarity with other people of color. Ayqa Khan, Paul Tran, folks like them ignite me. My partner will say that she’s not an artist or performer but the work she does in justice education, accountability and advocacy is just immense and ever-expanding. What I find really inspirational about how she operates is that she brings everyone around her with her as she learns—so when we talk about accountability as a call to “gather your people,” she’s already there. She’s already brought her whole family with her. 

What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31? 

Folks can look forward to me offering a challenge: how deeply can we grapple with the violence of colonialism as we ourselves perpetuate it upon one body… one body with perfect eyebrows (shoutout to my mama). 

What's your favorite thing about summer in New York? 

Summer in New York means all my queer and trans people of color come out of hibernation and treat the train platform like a runway and it’s honestly the most beautiful thing. Queer melanin everywhere. It’s perfection.

[sakhi-nyc]

Sakhi Interview: Poet Kai Williams

Kai Williams is a fiction writer / spoken word poet based in New York City and featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! Most recently, she received an Honorable Mention for her submission to the New York Times’ Modern Love college essay contest. She is a 2015 alumna of the National YoungArts Foundation, as a national finalist in writing. Her work has been published in The AmerAsia Journal, Pushing Past Limits: Young Writer’s Anthology published by VerbalEyze Press, For the Sonorous Magazine and Mask Magazine. She is also a founder and Executive Director of Eat At The Table Theatre Company, a non-profit theater arts organization for young actors of color. Catch Kai at our show this month and on Instagram at @kainaima 

Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?

When I decide to a write spoken word poem I generally carve out a specific time of the day or night that will put me in the most vulnerable and creative mindset. 4:00 AM is a good time for this. 11:00 PM is a good time for this. Ambiance is important to me so I’ll put on music that aligns with my mood and surround myself in my notebooks. And then I just sit with my laptop and try to write down every single thought I have about the subject that’s compelling me to write. This can take hours. When I write down an idea that strikes me as particularly interesting or as the correct approach for the poem, I just follow that lead and write until I have a first draft. After that, it’s a process of editing and exploring performance techniques.

What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?

Gender justice is a primary theme and motivating factor in my work, particularly my poetry. My work is primarily concerned with analyzing the processes of self-identification for women of color. As a mixed-raced, loudly third-wave feminist young writer from the Bronx who has navigated primarily predominantly white institutions, nothing moves me more than  exploring the relationships between other girls of color my age, and the unique, unbidden magic that they carry with them just to survive their daily worlds. I am obsessed with understanding how young women of color could find, pursue and maintain love for others as well as for themselves in spaces where they are starkly the minority. I perform spoken word to call attention to the injustices implemented by the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, using my interactions with the system as a young queer woman of color. Performance gives me an opportunity to vocalize my power beyond the page and I strive to empower and evoke experiences from other women of color.

Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?

I really dig Awkwafina right now. She’s so New York. She’s got that vulgar, snarky, observational humor I feel like so many of my friends and I identify with as young women who grew up here. I think that rap is one of the greatest mediums of personal storytelling, especially for people who don’t stand to benefit from the systems in place in their communities. I love when people of color who grew up around, respect and revere rap, especially those you wouldn’t necessarily expect like young Asian women, choose to try their hand, even with comedy-rap like Awkwafina’s. She’s a girl from Queens who picked up this funny form of rapping and then kept finessing her way into really coveted, big Hollywood jobs on her unique wit and unwavering specificity of self. I can get behind that.

What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?

I plan to perform spoken word poetry that delves into the intersections between race and womanhood. Recently, I am deeply engaged in creating poetry that speaks to the experiences of women who belong to multiple “minority groups”: namely queer women and women of color (and queer women of color). I am interested in dissecting the details of these intersections, the tensions that exist and conflicts that are developed in light of them, and the ways in which oppressions mimic one another.

What's your favorite thing about summer in New York?

When I was living in Connecticut this winter and I couldn’t see a foot in front of me because the snow was coming down with such a vengeance I felt as though it could wipe out my entire history, all I wanted was to be in New York in July. I had this fantasy of stumbling upon a Mr. Softee truck, ordering a chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinklers, then walking the length of 125th between St. Nick and 5th Avenue while listening to Beyoncé’s “Dance for You” and wearing something short and cute. My favorite thing about summer in New York is that feeling of utter freedom and bliss. There are little happinesses on every street and it’s warm enough to walk the streets until you’re satisfied with the amount you’ve come across that day. 

GENDER JUSTICE + THE ARTS TICKETS & INFO

[sakhi-nyc]

[sakhi-nyc]

On Self Care and Remembering to Love Yourself

By Tahina Mukit

As we get older, we learn to prioritize. We buy planners, we make lists, and we set about ten alarms each day just to make sure we're on top of schedule. I know that I'm guilty of stretching myself too thin each year, mainly because I love to help and I can't say no! I didn't realize that I need to invest in taking care of myself until I started my first year at college. I was drinking red bulls, venti drinks from Starbucks, and depriving myself of sleep so that I could work on my assignments. My parents started to notice that the bags under my eyes were getting larger and that I just did not look like myself anymore. For myself, I noticed that drinking all of these energy drinks and feeding my body junk food really did not give me any energy at all. Instead I felt groggy, bloated, and just tired. So, I ditched the energy drinks and coffee for tea, made sure to get some sleep, and most importantly, told myself that I don't have to be a superhero to get all my work done! I made sure to surround myself with good food and good energy, especially from reliable friends. Making these changes in my daily routine truly made a difference on my body and mind. It allowed me to become more positive, and especially, more forgiving towards myself!

So, here are some methods that I use each day to make sure that I'm giving myself some well deserved TCL. Read them here down below!  

1. Sleep

This seems very simple, however, a lot of us forget that human minds run on sleep! When I first started college, I would work my body to the bone until 5AM and then sleep for about 3-4 hours before waking myself up again for the same torture. And this wasn't even during finals. I found myself even boasting about not sleeping that much to my own peers, as if the lack of sleep showed how hardworking or intelligent I was. Recently, I've noticed that people feel the need to overfill their own plate just to feel like they're ahead of the game or even in the game. But, to get to the point, even though my mind didn't understand that I needed sleep, my body did. So, I decided to make sure that I get 8 hours asleep. But, life is hectic, so, if I do need to stay up later, as soon as I am tired, I go immediately to bed. How can one absorb information if you're barely awake? Plus, as soon as I noticed that I don't have any hard deadlines, I definitely make sure to sleep before midnight. Why stay up later? Treat yourself to some sleep girl!

2. Positivity

I've struggled a lot with being positive to myself and my life. For some time, I just had a negative outlook on life and gave up on myself and my abilities. However, I realized that how could I ever succeed if I didn't even believe in myself? So, each day, especially when I'm faced with a difficult task, I close my eyes, breath, and tell myself that things will work out. Also, I rationalize with myself. Other ways to keep positive are to make sure you engage with others how are just as positive and think positive! You can read some more tricks here.  the end of the day, if something does not go your way, it does not mean that you won't find another way. The worse thing that could happen is that you have to try again. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

3. Make room for fun!

It's easy to get lost in the sea of work and not make any time for other activities. If you see that you have some free time in the day, don't spend it on work. That can wait. Try having lunch with friends. If the weather's nice, try spending it outside at the park. Maybe you could start a new hobby as well. Or, just spend the time being by yourself. Either way, all of these things should not incorporate work. Taking breaks does not mean you're lazy. It just shows that you know how to have fun amidst all the chaos of deadlines.

4. Ditch the Electronics 

On some days, I just shut off my phone. I close my laptop. I turn off the TV. Then, I snuggle in bed with a good book. Sometimes, I find myself stressed out my own electronics. In this day and age, every smart device comes equipped with calendars, so it's easy to not forget about work when on those devices. Additionally, the screens on our devices can keep us up at night unfortunately (read more about it here). So, when possible, I decide to shut the online world out of my head and instead drown myself in some books! My favorite genres to read are murders, mysteries, and, murder mysteries. It's fun to escape to another world for a while. Also, your eyes won't feel strained! But, if you do find yourself needing to do work, there are some apps that you can utilize that will help you with your sleep schedule and prevent you from staying up late at night. I personally love using f.lux. Check out the app here!

5. Exercise

Yup. You read that right! Now, I am no gym buff myself, however, I do think it's important to get your body moving somehow during some part of your day. I usually spend most of the day sitting. So, once I'm done with all my work, I walk all the way back home. Usually the walk is around 20-30 minutes. It may not be the treadmill, but I am moving my body. Now that the weather is getting better, I find it easier to be outside too! So, if you're not keen on going to the gym, try to find time in your day to go for a light walk. Maybe try some at home works out as well in the morning before work or school! There are some great quick work outs on YouTube, free of charge! Some people that I personally follow are blogilates (check out her fitness channel here! ) and MyLifeAsEva (check out her video here!). And, if you do decide to go to the gym, try going with some friends! It will make the transition easier and you'll find yourself itching to put on some work out clothes.

I hope these tips serve you well this Mental health Awareness Month and all the other months to come. If you find yourself needing more assistance, some of my favorite tips on self care from here and here!

Remember, it’s much harder to get things done when you're not taking care of yourself. 

Tahina Mukit is an undergraduate student at NYU studying Psychology with a minor in Studio Art. She joined Sakhi as a volunteer because she wanted to gain more insight into her own culture and be able to support South Asian Women. She loves supporting the Sakhi cause and hopes to be even more involved in the future. 

[sakhi-nyc]

My Emotional Journey with Neha Rastogi

By Alpa Rajai 

I often play the "name your feeling" game with my 3 year old daughter. However, I could not particularly describe the emotions I felt as I read about the Neha Rastogi and Abhishek Gattani case: a stellar ex-employee of Apple was verbally abused, punished like a child, and beaten by her Silicon Valley ex-CEO husband in an upper middle-class setting in sunny California. She was a well-educated, financially independent, gainfully employed mother of a 3 year old and she was in an abusive marriage for 10 years.

I know my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and the blood was rushing up to my face as I listened to only some of recordings she presented to the courts. Did I have tears rolling down my eyes? What was this emotion I was feeling?

I was angry - mad at the abusive husband, his scheming attorney, and the (seemingly) indifferent judge. What made this man think he was allowed to treat his wife in such a way - beating her, punishing her, making her feel so little? How can the legal system of a nation like America allow him to bargain a plea deal and get away with this? How could the judge go away on vacation before deciding on this important case?

I felt cheated – like most others, I had this picture of DV victims: low-income or uneducated or financially dependent on the abuser. This assumption was always validated by various articles and cases I had previously seen. However, Neha was everything but that typical image. She could've been my friend, my colleague, my classmate, my daughter... It was an important reminder that domestic violence does not see race, social class, color, gender, or religion. It forced me to discuss this “sensitive” topic within my social circles to bring home the point that we cannot brush aside or remain indifferent to the important issue of domestic violence.

I felt despair - It was evident that the victim in this case was not raised to accept abuse because she expresses her shock after the first domestic abuse incident. Nonetheless, she was a victim of domestic abuse for 10 years. How do I ensure my daughter or any person does not end up with this same fate?

I felt thankful – she finally spoke up and walked out. Unfortunately, the first response from many when this case first surface was, “why did she stay?” I remembered that it is better late than never. I also remembered my Sakhi training which provided so many reasons why: fear, victim shame, optimism, age-old and constantly reinforced idea that marriage is meant to be forever, social and family pressures, etc.

I was hopeful – Sakhi and many other feminist groups have been actively working to empower women and to drive away from these age-old ideas. We can work harder to ensure victims have the confidence to speak up. We can teach everyone that there is no shame in being a victim - whether of domestic violence or sexual abuse or rape. We can actively and consciously redirect this shame onto the abusers - they are the ones who acted shamefully. We can progress on our journey of gender equality with the men in our lives as our allies.

Finally and more importantly, I felt inspired to continue working as a Sakhi volunteer. Neha's case epitomizes the need for this organization which is not just addressing cases post-abuse (a critical function) but also working hard to empower women and fight for gender equality to eliminate the root cause of abuse. It has reinvigorated me and many others to engage in every means possible and urge others to act.

To voice your concerns for Neha's case specifically:

https://www.change.org/p/honorable-allison-marston-danner-hon-ble-danner-please-reject-the-plea-deal-to-abishek-gattani

To make an impact in the fight against domestic violence / sexual abuse and towards gender equality:

http://www.sakhi.org/about-sakhi/get-involved-2/

Alpa Rajai is a Sakhi volunteer and a seasoned professional with over 13 years of experience in banking and consulting. She was born and raised in Mumbai, India by a feminist-but-in-denial family that introduced her to community service early on in life – which is probably why remains passionate about giving back and attaining gender equality. When she is not working or volunteering, she loves to spend quality time and rediscover this beautiful world with her curious little daughter.