She Flies With Her Own Wings

Samira. 26. NY. This is moreso a collection of my more personal thoughts.

[samirak1002]

It is so hard to continue to believe in myself when everyone around me has already given up on me.

[samirak1002]

Do you ever look back on your life, and just feel like its all so surreal? Like how the person you were then and the person you are now could meet up one day and not recognize each other. It’s like I have all these memories, many traumatic, some great, some I can’t stop playing over and over again, wishing I could relive them and others too horrid to even try and remember, and it’s like they belong to someone else. There is this massive disconnection from the past and it just all feels so strange. It’s like wow, I can’t believe I actually lived through all of that. How did I survive? Or the really great memories where it’s like wow, I can’t believe I used to be able to do that, I can’t believe I was gutsy enough to go through with those plans. And it’s like were those things to happen now, would I have reacted in the same way? Or is it just that my reactions to events in the present are all shaped by the events from the past.

Imagine if one thing had gone differently, if you had gone with a different response to a past event, where would things be now? How different would it all have been? If instead of cowering in silence, you fought back? Or if instead of taking a chance, you allowed your fear to conquer you. Every single thought, action, word you speak has the power to change the course of the direction you are on. And it’s just so surreal. 

[s02k]

Meet My Neighbors: The Cows and The Sheep

Nani: why don’t you let your kids roam around on their own?

Mamu: I live in Ireland. the only thing there is for two miles is cows and sheep. They’d have to go pretty far to do something

Nani: what lies

Mamu: No really, you should come visit sometime, i’ll introduce you to my neighbors, the cows and sheeps.

Nani: no thank you i’m not very fond of cows or sheep

Mamu: Why not, you can get fresh milk and everything they’re all big and strong

Nani: I don’t like milk either, your neighbors aren’t that great.

Mamu: well then does that mean you won’t be visiting me.

Nani: Well I don’t have to anymore, it seems you like to take random trips and surprise us at home and nearly give us all heart attacks.

Mamu: It wasn’t a complete surprise! I called you the day before, because that was when we were supposed to come to actually surprise you, but then the car broke down. 

—————————————————————–

apparently, my uncle and his family took a flight to Boston (booked it the day before they came from Ireland) and then took a taxi to my aunt’s sister’s house and she wasn’t at home but her kids were, so they went into the house and when she came home they jumped out and surprised her. They planned on doing the same to us, but according to my uncle, if he did that to my mom she would have forced him to sit here without food. 

[s02k]

My Uncle From Ireland Is Coming to Visit! :D

ahhhhhhhh! my favorite uncle who i was skyping with a few days ago (he totally told me he wasn’t coming until the summer)  just called and was like yeah.. so the family and i took a spontaneous vacation to the US. he’s in boston with his in-laws but they’re all coming to visit tomorrow. WHOOOOT love random surprise visits from relatives i actually like. :D :D :D 

[s02k]

Words of Wisdom

“These next 6 years of your life are the years to mess up. Trust me I know, i’ve lived through the whole medical school process, and these are the years you need to live your life to the fullest. Go out, have fun, get in trouble, break hearts, make a mess, break the rules, don’t listen to your mom and dad, eat out all the time. All things I used to do. Because once you become a doctor, your career will become your life, and the only fun you’ll have will come around every 6 months or so, and by that time, you’ll be so tired that you’ll spend your vacations napping. And its worth it, but don’t forget to enjoy the path you take to get there. So forget about all the things that annoy you, like medical problems and annoying family issues and friends who do nothing but bring you down, and instead focus on things that make you happy.”- My Uncle 

[s02k]

mehhhh family reunions are always so bittersweet. especially when it comes to goodbyes. twas too short this time around, but so nice, and sooo needed.

In other news, my grandma spent three days with my uncle and has already picked up the habit of winking at everyone (again might I add). lolololol this is going to be amusing. She’s so happy though, every time he’s around she literally turns childlike and beaming and starts joking around more. 

Also, my cousins have gotten so big I’m just like woaaah. I remember when we visited them in Ireland and we’d all play these random games together and that seemed so long ago and now they’re mad tall and almost done with school and wow I can’t believe everyone is growing up so fast. 

[samirak1002]

:(

[samirak1002]

She Flies With Her Own Wings turned 3 today!

mmm sign i've been on tumblr too long... lol too bad this blog is pretty much dead. but its been an interesting three years thats for sure.

[samirak1002]

when my dadi (paternal grandmother) died, the drama on my dad's side the family escalated to the point where people don't speak to each other anymore. and now that my nani (maternal grandmother) has died, it seems like the drama on my mom's side is unfolding like dominoes. And i am 110% certain that if either of them were alive right now, none of this shit would have happened. 

I have come to realize grandparents/central elders of the family are the glue to holding families together. And i have none left. 

it is quite a lonely world without family.

[samirak1002]

Hey how did you get published?

Hey! i've been researching at a lab for the past 3 yrs and we've been working on various studies and we've been writing papers based on the data we've collected. my supervisor normally writes a big chunk of the papers and we do the data collection/help with analyses/proofread etc. depending on how much work we've done usually determines whether we're first, second, third etc author and then my supervisor submitted the papers to journals but i think we can only submit to one journal at a time so it was a series of rejections, revisions, resubmissions, and then finally acceptances lol so yeah thats how i managed to get published

[samirak1002]

sometimes i sit and wonder how its possible that i went from graduating in the top ten of my class to utter failure in just four years. 

past samira would be horrified and even more disappointed than present samira. 

[samirak1002]

the closer it gets to my birthday the more existential crises i experience. like nah im good rather not be a year older thanks very much.

but closer to my brithday also means closer to eid which i enjoy so i guess its okay...

[samirak1002]

taulepton replied to your post: “everyone’s always telling me to be more realistic and consider all...”:

#onepercent #cosmeticsurgery #betterbeoutofpocket #insuranceshouldntcoverdat #bioethics101

-__- 

fortunately i work at an eye doctor's office so i get nice perks like75%discountsyaknowwhatimsayin' 

although without my glasses i'm like 20/400. probably worse bc i can't see the big E SOOOO it should be covered bc im practically blind. just sayin. 

but nah insurances don't go that route sadly. 

[samirak1002]

everyone's always telling me to be more realistic and consider all options because who knows what will happen and i'm all like psh naahhhhhhh

but i should really start listening bc my life is a series of worst case scenarios playing into reality.

oh god. my life is a series of worst case scenarios.

hope that doesn't end up being the case with my surgery in 2 weekss bc i'd like my eyes to be as a-ok as possible. 

iA it'll be all good.

can't say much of the same bout my future [or lack thereof at this point] though. 

[samirak1002]

thepakistallion replied to your post: “officially two publications old :D  article 1:...”:

yesssssssssss

:D

[samirak1002]

taulepton replied to your post: “officially two publications old :D  article 1:...”:

Proud of you man!

thanks!

[samirak1002]

officially two publications old :D 

article 1:  http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022395614000296

article 2 (was just accepted so it may still be edited before official publication): 

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165178114007495

also you may need to be logged in via an institution in order to see the full article otherwise its just the abstract…. 

[samirak1002]

sabr ka phal meetha hota hai