i just had to let it out..
all the time.. every time it pops into my head i try to avoid thinking about it..
ever since the news has broken of his marriage to be i just dont let my mind wander towards that area..
this is not because ‘oppa is mine’ or anything like that..
i am fully aware of the fact that all of my biases are human beings who lead their own lives and search for their own happiness that cannot be provided in any way by me living thousands of miles away and wishing them well.
and i have come to accept my twinnie’s marriage quite recently as well.
what bugs me also is not the kind of person she may or may not be.
there is definitely a side of her that none of us are aware of or claim to be aware of regardless of her sns use or whatever.
i am also accepting of the fact, that whatever small portion of what i know of him, the kind of person that he is, his background and past history and all, he wont just jump into this based on feelings alone. there must be a deeper reason. a deeper cause. something that hit heart and made him think ‘yeah’
what bugs me, or makes me sad or avoidant of the entire thing is that.... this is now how it should’ve happened. and i blame neither of them for it. it is unfortunate. it makes me sad. it makes me helpless. the situation should’ve been better and it’s sad that there is no way to save it.
what also makes me sad is that.... inevitably i see retirement, in the whole thing. i hope and pray that it isnt the case. but how things seem to be.. i dont think he’s going to comeback in any way possible. and that is a breach of a promise he made. he said he will return. don’t make me believe otherwise cuz that is all i have when it comes to my biases. i trust your words. so please do not break them. otherwise i will be left with nothing.
what also bugs me is that i’m tired.. i’m seriously sick and tired.. with KHJ’s case and his and everything that happened in between.. the slandering and misquotes by the media and whatnot.. and us having to be silent and supportive.. i think for now the best thing i can do to keep myself sane and not rage like a crazy person is to just avoid it all..
in my heart.. i wish you well.. in my heart i wish you all the happiness and joy in the world..
but for now i take a step aside.. and just let things be...
