Sam's Twisted Mind

"'Are you on drugs?' And I'm like, sometimes I wonder if I am."

[samwhambamslam]

FUCK I REMEMBER MY DREAM.

Lmfao, we were in this submarine and water started getting in. So we’re all freaking out and someone yells, don’t worry, we can breathe underwater. And as luck would have it, we could. So we spend some time swimming underwater with dem fishes and gaddamn mermaids and shit. Like, it was magical. Then all of a sudden, these huge ass great white sharks show up so we swim like freaking Michael phelps to this Japanese village like place but it’s semi underwater so the sharks could still get us. So I jump on the highest roof and find a bow and arrow and freaking slay dem sharks like a badass apache warrior. After that, we take a ferry boat to this mall in America and I remember us going into Victoria’s Secret and meeting Maryana there and she was trying to talk her boyfriend out of trying on a thong. Yeah, I know. Be jealous of my kickass dreams

[samwhambamslam]

So I'm still trying to get over this gaddamn cold and I've been popping halls like candy.

Anyway I had a dream Kathy asked me for a halls but it was my last one so I said "no sorry I really need it" and she called me a stupid bitch. Like what the actual fuck

[samwhambamslam]

I had a dream

I was an Asian man living in this house with a bunch of women. So one day they were outside playing soccer with a dead rat and I tried leaving the house only to be yelled at because apparently I'm not allowed or something. So one day, I decide to run away and I know they're running after me but I somehow manage to lose them. So now I'm hiding in this industrial compound and I see Simba in a cage and he's like, don't let them catch you or you'll be trapped here forever. But I can't just leave Simba like that, so I try getting him out but that's when they caught me. So it turns out, those women were part of an organization that kidnaps young Asian kids and raises them to be super geniuses so that they could take over the world. And I remember, as soon as they caught me, they locked me into a lecture hall and the first assignment was "write a 10 page paper about fruit. But not grapes because they're lame". I woke up this morning thinking "oh fuck, I have a paper to write.”

[samwhambamslam]

I had a bit of an inception scenario going on in my dream last night.

I dreamt I had a dream and i was texting you about it. So basically I dreamt I was taking a nap in the back seat of my car and all of a sudden, this shady looking guy tries opening the door closest to my head. So I freak and lock the doors but for some unknown reason, I get out of the car and he pulls a gun on me. So I'm like, hey now don't be like that and he starts panicking and telling me hi we shouldn't have killed that girl and I'm like, what girl? And then he lifts the floormats in my car and there's a freaking body there. Now I'm freaking out and he books it but not before leaving the gun with me. So I "wake up" and tell you about this dream within a dream and you're like, sam it's nothing. Don't worry about it

[samwhambamslam]

Oh fuck I just remembered one of my dreams that I had...

...of Marie Jose. So it's the end of the semester and the last day of class but Marie Jose won't let us leave because we have to beat her in a Pokemon battle. Lol yeah

[samwhambamslam]

I also kinda remember the dream I had last night.

Our class was stranded in this island and it was kinda like survivor because we made separate tribes. Like all the Asian girls were together, all the guys were together, and then it was our group. So somehow, we get this message that whichever tribe finds the rainbow jellybean first, they'd be able to leave the island. So it was basically just us looking for this gaddamn jelly bean and surviving on an island. And I remember is trying to cook fish over a fire, but everytime we out it close to the fire, it would turn into a rock

[samwhambamslam]

Ohhhmaiifuckkk my dream

So yeah I dreamt the centennial crew were on board this pirate ship with Blackbeard and James Kidd and we were rescuing some random guy I don’t know who he was, but for some reason everyone knew him and we just had to rescue him. Anyway, after our successful rescue, Genesis invited us to his home in the Philippines and he was like, yo Sam, I wanna do acid nails on you and I’m like kay cool. And me, being the fucktard that I am, stuck my hand in an acid, quinoa, and milk mix. So I pull my hand out and all my nails freaking disintegrated and Genesis was like ooooooops and I’m like welp. So then he’s like, go to this address and they’ll fix you. So I go and on the way there, I pass this movie set and Barney was riding a tricycle and smoking a cigar. Anyway, the place he sent me to was some candy store and the woman had never seen a mixed kid before and gave me all the candy in the world. So I’m trying to text you about it and you’re like, I can’t talk right now babe, I’m coding for a client.