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[samwinchestermeta]

Since you don't shy away from the darker topics around Sam Winchester: Do you think his sexuality or his behavior around that topic changed? Especially after the cage? He seems very shy and awkward around Eileen. I can hardly imagine them having the wild sex he used to be into with Madison, Kara/Cara(?), Ruby, even in Toni's dream he seems pretty enthusiastic. It's a shame that moment was mind abuse/rape and Sam was once more assaulted.

Sorry, I missed this a while back and only just happened back upon it! Thank you for this really well crafted question. I am a bit removed from the later episodes and am currently rewatching through S3 next, so I don't want to talk out of turn but I DO want this topic to be discussed! So I am going to post and tag a few of my pals who I know will have a great amount of resources as well as comments to make on the topic themselves.

@peanutbutterandbananasandwichs @themegalosaurus

I'll reblog it here when responses come in!

[samwinchestermeta]

Why are so many things deleted? I barely find anything from this blog under the tag list🥲

I think we set this up years and YEARS ago, and since then there have been updates to Tumblr that have broken all the links. Alas!

[anassemblageofpassions-deactiva]

I think what a lot of people don’t get is that Sam is constantly, constantly operating from a place of trauma. He probably spends a good chunk of every day thinking about Lucifer. He probably dreams about the cage almost every night. 180 years is a lot of fucking time. And it’s entirely possible it was thousands. I vacillate on how much time I think he spent in the cage, but it was minimum 180. I’d say maximum probably 1800. Anything more than that and I don’t think he would be functioning. But honestly time in the cage probably didn’t really abide by normal rules.

But Sam is constantly on edge for a reason. There is a reason Jared padalecki’s portrayal of his character went through such a drastic change season 7 onward. How could he not be a completely different character? He has led over double his lifetime in a completely different place, being constantly tortured in ways the human mind literally could not comprehend. Of course he’s going to be jumpy. Of course he’s going to stutter. Of course he’s going to flinch at everything. Of course he’s going to be quieter. We have a character who spent 180+ years in a constant state of trauma and pain and complicated feelings toward an abuser. Jared didn’t suddenly stop being able to act post season 6. We saw what he did with gadreel. You just didn’t pay attention or even consider the implications of everything Sam was going through.

It really is such a fascinating case of genre vs acting study though, because absolutely no one else on this show, save maybe Ruth Connell later on, treats trauma in the same way. It’s not congruous with the genre. There isn’t very much variation with how jensen ackles plays dean post-hell. And to be fair, 30 years of torture is a lot less than 180. And the narrative sure as hell preferred to move on and never linger on what Sam is constantly going through. There’s plot to get through and more implications to ignore. This show stopped attempting to be a horror long ago.

For everyone except sam, at least.

[samwinchestermeta]

Ep 1: Pilot - S01E01

Ep 1: Pilot - S01E01

[samwinchestermeta]

are you guys still here? just want to say i love this archive and will always appreciate for being the best gateway into the spn fandom

I am one of the MODs here, though not the main one who started it. Thank you, darling! We appreciate you, too. So honored to be a gateway into the fandom for you <3

[samwinchestermeta]

where did all your stuff go? :(

What do you mean, hon?

[marys2ndson]

i am going to rip my heart out of my chest, i just read an interview where sufjan talks about his mother’s death and tell me this isn’t sam:

“It’s something that was necessary for me to do in the wake of my mother’s death - to pursue a sense of peace and serenity in spite of suffering.” 

imagine this motherless child growing up side by side with monster hunts and a depressed alcoholic father and guns everywhere, going to stanford for peace and serenity and safety at last, because “there’s so much evil out there in the world dean, I feel like I could drown in it,” but he doesn’t, he perseveres and forgives and tries to make it better. 

“As a kid, of course, I had to construct some kind of narrative. […] There’s such a discrepancy between my time and relationship with her, and my desire to know her and be with her.” 

picture sam, never having known his mother, kneeling in front of her grave, tears in his eyes, saying i love you mom. picture him years later, kissing his fingers then touching her headstone. 

“It was so terrifying to encounter death and have to reconcile that, and express love, for someone so unfamiliar. Her death was so devastating to me because of the vacancy within me.”

look, he should’ve had nothing but bad associations with her. growing up with dean lashing out if he mentioned her, and dad grieving and risking all their lives for her memory, and her death meant that this darling baby boy knew loss earlier than anyone ever should and how does he cope? he loves her. he loves his dead mother. 

[yorugolden]

Hyperarousal is a primary symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).   Being overly sensitive to sounds is one of the symptoms.

[taronunwin]

[samwinchestermeta]

But like how obvious is it that Dean has never stood up to their father before#Both Sam and John's reactions are priceless#but you can see that flicker of pride in Sam's eyes too#Before Sam went to Stanford Dean was unquestionably on John's side even if he agreed with Sam#It's just how things were and Dean never questioned it#but spending time with Sam for the past year without their father gave Dean such a respect for Sam's ability to stand up to their Dad#and it gave him some time to question his own loyalties and the fact that he never questioned their father#and as much as he wanted nothing more than for their family to just get along for once#he wasn't willing to let Sam be bullied or have Sam feel like the outsider#and for the first time he verbally sided with Sam (via)

[samtheboywhowouldbeking]

I will never get over the fact that Sam Winchester, who was supposed to be the pawn, turned out to be the only reason humanity survived.

Sam was pushed around and used and manipulated his entire life. He never wanted to end up in the place that he did, but that’s where he ended up, and he chose to take control of his own destiny. Had all gone the way he planned, he’d have been a lawyer by then. Instead he was possessed by Lucifer, facing his younger half brother, possessed by Michael. And he found the strength to jump into the pit.

No one expected that from him. No one thought he could do it. No one even thought it was possible.

But Sam did it. He did the impossible.

He was the pawn that reached the opposite side of the board and became a queen. He made it against all odds and became the most powerful piece on the board. Because he could love and he could care and he had something worth fighting for. Because of that, he overcame the Devil himself.

The act itself was such an amazing one, that we often forget what happened after. What Sam knew was going to happen.

He knew that if his plan worked, he was going to hell and there was nothing he could do about it. He knew he was going to the worst part of hell with two angry archangels. He knew he wasn’t coming back.

And he did it anyway.

He jumped into that pit without hesitating, without thinking twice about it. He was the one that suggested he do it, that came up with the plan, that told Dean he wasn’t coming back. He did it for everyone else in the world, because he felt that it was his responsibility, even though setting Lucifer free was no more his fault than it was Dean’s, and honestly it was probably less.

Sam Winchester deserves the whole world and everything it has to offer. Instead, all he gets is pain and misery and abuse.

[demondetoxmanual]

[pocochina]

reminder that Dean laid Sam flat like this because Sam left the house without permission

if you’re tempted to (a) cry about Dean being OOC this season or (b) blame his recent behavior on the Mark of Cain, here is something you may wish to consider:

don’t

[doykeitdyke]

It was also for driving the impala. “New rule: you steal my baby, you get punched.”

wow great to know Dean cares more about his car than his traumatized and mentally ill brother :)))))))

(also note he says “steal” as if Sam has no right to the car at all…)

[hydrangeazul]

Can we point out how Dean wants Sam to call the car and his life with him, “home” and gets offended whenever Sam shows any sign of wanting something different, as if Dean doesn’t alienate Sam from what he calls “his”.

The car, the show has repeated how it means home to Dean, how can it mean home to Sam too when Dean emphasises how the car is his and only his? He doesn’t let Sam drive, he doesn’t let Sam modify it in any way, hell he gave Sam shit for installing an iPod, for letting in a dog. How can he expect Sam to be just as content as Dean is when he doesn’t even feel like he has the right to call it “home”? Dean believes he has all the rights to it, as if Sam didn’t grow up in it too.

Also, family. Dean met Mary, Dean knew John before he was revenge ridden. He had a house, love, affection. Sam doesn’t know that, normally he’s not gonna be as attached to that idea. John and Dean expected Sam to follow them on their revenge path when he didn’t even know Mary and any information about her was forbidden. They didn’t talk about her at all. Sam didn’t even knew Dean had taken him out of the house until he was 22! Sam didn’t feel like part of his own family and yet he was expected to follow them blindly.

They didn’t let Sam feel like he belonged anywhere, yet they wanted him to settle with it.

[cagetraumasam-archive]

The problem here isn’t that Dean is frustrated by the circumstances constantly getting thrown at them. I don’t blame him for that; in the Winchesters’ circumstances, I’d be frustrated, too. More than. But that’s not the issue I’m having. My issue is that, in expressing his desire for their circumstances to be better, he makes other people’s emotional suffering about him. Sam may be struggling with the traumatic fallout of Cas breaking his wall and uncovering his Hell memories? Wow, that must be scary for Dean. Mary might be struggling to find her place in the world after a confusing resurrection? Wow, that’s really inconvenient for Dean’s happiness.

It’s not that he’s not allowed to have feelings about Sam and Mary’s emotional trauma. He is. That’s a natural human reaction, and in fact, it’s good for you to care to care about the suffering of the people around you and want them to be okay. But in making the suffering of the people around him about him, he inadvertently makes Sam feel like such a burden that he decides not to talk about his hallucinations, and dehumanizes both Sam and Mary. And yeah, Sam was spot on in that last gif. Mary isn’t a “thing,” and neither is he. It’s not just when Sam is addicted to demon blood that Dean dehumanizes him (though that was awful too.) Dean sees Sam’s struggles as a burden on himself rather than on Sam, and that is dehumanization. Dean sees Mary’s struggles as the barrier between him and happiness, and that is dehumanization.  And for Sam, who is the primary and most obvious victim of Dean’s dehumanization, to say, not in quite so many words, “no, she’s not a thing, she’s a person, and we gotta treat her like one” is incredibly powerful.

[monkeysatemylastrolo]

Love me some supportive Sam.

And yet…

This is the second episode in a row which had them directly address how hard the possession was on Dean without even acknowledging that Sam has been possessed. Multiple times. 

The rest of the episode has been amazing. Really wish they hadn’t dropped the ball on this one thing. Acknowledging Dean’s trauma is important. I’m glad they’re doing it. But when they’ve always glossed over Sam’s trauma (or, even worse, vilified him for being upset) it just strikes me as yet more evidence of the narrative bias. If possession is a bad, horrible thing, they can’t only have it be a bad, horrible thing for one person.

[jennsens]

Writer/Director Eric Kripke, DVD commentary SPN 4.22

[samgirl2552]

Canonspngifs: Gif-a-Thon

9x07 || Bad Boys

[denugis]

I love the image of Sam taking a moment by himself, for himself (and the way he looks around first to be sure he’s really alone), but I also like the irony that Sam ISN’T alone. It may not be intentional on the part of the writers that this rare moment happens during the period when Sam’s privacy is being fundamentally and continuously violated by possession, but it certainly adds a layer.

Also, I think the fact that he’s reading an Oz book in the wake of Charlie says something about the tenuous, indirect ways Sam goes about connection, but also about the ways he seems to find it easiest to have feelings and interests at one remove, triangulating rather than taking a direct line.

[themegalosaurus]

“So yeah, before y'all see Supernatural a lot of work has gone into it, but a lot of work has gone into us trying to figure out every second.” (NJCon 2018)

[marys2ndson]

it’s just so IMPRESSIVE how sam grew up indoctrinated into a certain sense of morality - romanticizing martyrdom (revenge comes before everything and everyone), black and white logic (all supernatural creatures are evil), repressing vulnerability (no chick flick moments) etc. - and yet he managed to develop his own moral compass and act on it. and he did that as a child, while struggling with loneliness, self-loathing, bullying, and actual monsters. what a champ ❤️