d e v o n

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Keni

Kiana Khansmith

oozey mess
occasionally subtle

tannertan36

#extradirty
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Xuebing Du

JBB: An Artblog!

titsay
Show & Tell
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
Stranger Things
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

blake kathryn
Sade Olutola

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@sanchezpoetry
unfortunately very true. Doing Better does not always mean never being upset or never being triggered or never having trouble. often Doing Better means experiencing those things and being able to keep going/cope healthily/move on. if you’re in a bubble with no sensation, if you’re numbing yourself out, that’s not what recovering really is. it won’t help you have a happier life it’ll just make your world smaller and smaller until you can’t fit anywhere anymore. gotta learn to make peace with the hard stuff too, that’s the only way to keep going
The inclination to worship is natural The desire to adore (Abhor) And love (Hate) Is a given
It began with worshiping nature and (gods) Giving names to that which we don’t understand Then those with an iota of understanding Began to make stories to help others understand
Good and evil (Right and wrong) Began to take form in our minds And our polarized psyche began to worship in the binary
Then logic and science began to become our subject of worship Then ideals of (Freedom) (Love) (Justice) (Equity)
All empty and meaningless objects of vanity Simply human minds trying to grasp the elusive wind called ‘purpose’
Hopefully my epitaph will echo in eternity And my identity will be forever sealed As the man that worshipped the void The man that loved nothing
“Nihilism honestly saved me. The realization that nothing truly matters liberates me. It’s all chaos. Nothing is meant to be. I found that believing in destiny has led me to depression because when things don’t work out, and I get discouraged and feel like a failure. I want to believe in destiny, but I can’t. Realizing that sometimes things just don’t work out because of how chaotic life is was incredibly liberating. It freed me from blaming myself from things that aren’t my fault. And oddly enough, it’s the belief in destiny that causes me to spiral into depression, weakness and become something I’m not. But throwing away the notions of fate and such has made me strong and become the person I want to be. Everything we believe is a fantasy. Deep down I know that. I still try. I still believe in things. Like effort, love, structure, discipline and freedom. But I know that no matter how tightly I hold on to these beliefs, it doesn’t matter. Faith is what makes us human, but I have transcended my humanity to free myself from the pain of existence. This acceptance of the void has freed me from the darkness and allows me to bind it. Hopefully, it’s enough. But I know that despite all my efforts, thoughts and attempts. It still may not work out for me. This is the reality of my existence.”
—
I loved your awkward giggle And the way your freckles came out in the sun The way you sang off key to songs I can’t stand The way you couldn’t run to save you life Your perfect imperfections
I liked your weirdness The darkness that came apparent as you revealed to me secrets Your scars and birthmarks The way you couldn’t initially talk to me The way your turned red in frustration As you unbuttoned my shirt The funny sounds you made As my teeth sunk into your skin And The way you breathed As we both became one I loved every single crack in your soul Every imperfection that you despised so much Because they’re all a piece of you
I even loved the way you left
-© 2014 J.A. Sanchez (prompt from innocent—child ”Loving The cracks”)
Part of me still wishes for the undying love The unconditional perfect everlasting love That I once believed in (Years ago)
An old memory of myself still clings to the idea Of a loyal friend that I would gladly die for Knowing they would do the same
A version of myself (Somewhere within) Yearns for acquiring the perfect ideals I once held in my heart
I’ve thrown away all these childish ideas That I realize do not exist (At least for me) But as I rebuild the shattered remnants Of whatever beliefs I have left I realize that somewhere deep in my subconscious I’m still waiting for someone to save me
Pastors’ kids
I think something that doesn’t get talked about very much but needs to, is what happens to pastor’s kids. Specifically, the kids that are raised by Pentecostal pastors.
It’s bad enough being raised in a strictly religious household. Everything is a sin. Music is a sin, having non-believer friends is a sin, secular TV is a sin, having a thought that contradicts the bible or what the church is a sin, asking questions is a sin, every little fucking thing that ever so slightly contradicts the bible or the church is a sin.
But I’ve seen Pastors kids grow up to become among the most fucking miserable human beings I’ve ever known. To the point where, to this very day, I feel bad for them.
There’s a couple of instances where I saw a pastors kids grow up to become pastors themselves, or pastors wives. 2 come in mind, and both were the offspring of the lead pastor from the church I essentially grew up in. The son, despite being a pastor himself, was very clearly full of rage, bitterness, and would often tell stories about how much he disliked the strict and nonbending way he was raised (that he asked forgiveness for in regard to his bitterness). His daughter, a beautiful young woman who clearly wore the expression and mentality of a brainwashed and gaslit child, would often give the young men looks of lust and desire. She was essentially forced to marry a fat, unattractive man because she was raised to believe to be a pastor’s wife and that’s what that man aspired to be. Never really having a choice in the matter, via her beliefs, but clearly yearning for a mate that she was actually attracted to.
What people don’t realize about these unfortunate circumstances surrounding these poor kids, is not only did they not choose to be born into these disgusting situations, but they cannot escape. There are many instances of kids getting away from cults. Myself included. But Pastors kids are a special situation. Because they are born with a legacy to follow, and everyone knows that about them. And they themselves feel pressure for not only being devout, but being and example and becoming just as faithful, if not more so, than their parents. Getting away from the cult is especially difficult for them. They feel more pressure and face more brainwashing than kids that are simply PART of the cult.
It’s so sad to see, because many of them will overcompensate and become the exact opposite of what they were expected to become and turn out in the worst of ways. Others will follow their given path and become miserable in their own right.
I feel for them. Honestly.
Supposedly The inability to cry makes you weak So by that logic I should be incredibly fragile and pathetically weak
I call bullshit Because I used to cry a lot And I got sick of crying so I trained myself and calloused my skin I burnt my tear ducts so I would never show my weaknesses Even if I got hurt I wouldn’t shed so much as a tear
Supposedly The inability to cry makes you weak I beg to differ It takes a lot of strength to hold back these tears
-© 2013 J.A. Sanchez
Haiku 7
Wake up in the dusk
Birds chirping out my window
Looks like a good day
" The pain of a broken heart is so intense that it exhausts the soul. So, my friend, be like the bee—its giving is constant, yet with a single sting, the hive becomes all that matters, and death preferable. Therefore, don't burn your book over a single chapter; live for yourself, for that is what truly matters."
--- h.harouche
He said
i'm going to die from the weight of my own thoughts actually
You hurt me. You, someone I loved more than myself, hurt me like those I hate.
—M00wd