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[sanctuaryangel]

January 2022

So, January 2022 na. Kumusta naman ako?

Well, I think okay naman ako, kinda. Yung iba kong problems noon are solved naman na, especially yung fucking board exam na yan. Yes, engineer na ako fina-fucking-lly. Pero 'di ko ramdan yung monumental feeling niya na "Wow, engineer na ako. I deserve the 'Engr.' before my name now." Parang hindi totoo na nangyari yung pag speedrun ko ng board exam review, like, I've been sulking in my apartment since the pandemic started, almost 2 years akong ganun, and then now Engineer na ako. Medyo di pa rin nagsi-sink in sa akin lahat ng mga nangyari.

As of writing, 2 months have passed since exams. Parang hindi totoo talaga.

Nung nakita ko yung results, hindi lang ako parang nabunutan ng tinik sa lalamunan, pero natanggalan ng nakapulupot na barbed wire sa leeg. At bukod doon, 'yung feeling na "it's about time you passed" ganun.

Parang hindi ko rin kaya na i-risk yung exams this year tapos maghihintay pa ako ng isa pang taon. Buti tinake ko na lang rin? Pero alam mo yun, isa sa mga naging motivation ko kasi kaya nagtake ako noon dahil ayaw kong makausap nanay ko about it. I have been pestered by my mother for thoooose months na walang balita about exams, lalo na nung 2020. Hahahha mental health ko naman nagsuffer for that.

Ewan, ngayon na tina-type ko yung mga experience ko parang ayaw ko na siya pag-usapan. Tapos na eh. Hahahha pero okay lang rin, for documentation na lang rin siguro. Wala naman masama tsaka wala naman pumipigil sa akin.

Anyway, now that we got rid of that board exam problem, I'm an unemployed fuck now. HAHAHAHHA Ewan ko ba parang pinapangcover-up ko lang talaga yung freelance job ko ngayon, I really don't feel like a freelancer hahahaha. Ang pangit lang kasi sa resume na tengga ka since graduate mo wala kang ginagawa. Tangina no, yan talaga pinakanagte-take ng space sa utak ko hahahha I hope soon talaga mag pay-off na yung kakahada ko ng seminar at trainings.

Sana talaga makuha ako sa PhilSA. Aerospace systems talaga trip ko all this time kaya sana magrespond sila sa akin hahahuhuhu kung hindi gege oks lang naman sino ba naman ako eme hahahaha!! Pero hopefully, magpay-off rin ang pagsesend ko ng mga applications. Literally kahit saan talaga ako mapunta sana. Basta related sa engineering at aircrafts/aviation/aerospace okay na ako.

Anyway, sa ibang post na lang ulit yung other rants ko sa buhay. Ito muna for now!

[sanctuaryangel]

April 2021

Hmmm... So April na, tapos wala pa akong nagagawa sa buhay, pa rin. What's new diba?

I'm just ovewhelmed with thethings that I have right now, parang feeling ko ang dami pero hindi naman talaga. Tapos super worried rin ako na parang paikli ng paikli yung attention span ko kada araw lol. I can't even wash my dishes or fold my clothes! Hindi ko pa matapos-tapos labhan yung nasa washing machine ko na I-don't-know-when ko pa binabad. Yuck.

I'm really having a hard time finishing my chores.

I've been like this ever since. And it's something I don't like, actually. I can't put myself into doing things that I should do, when I list it all down I get stressed, I worry about it a lot, and then I'd end up not doing anything at all.

It's a vicious cycle!!!

[sanctuaryangel]

March 2021

Almost three months into the year and i haven't done anything. Like, seriously, nothing. Although, there are some stuff I have actually done, but I'm not really impressed about it.

So that means, I did something still, right?

Welp, I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself. May pandemic pa rin. Pero sa ngayon, feeling ko ang invalid ng mga nafe-feel ko at naiisip ko. Tapos idagdag mo pa 'yung nangyari sa akin recently. I just feel so unsafe and insecure right now.

I just want to be unbothered for now, and do something about what I want to be. Kahit na may pandemic. I just want to be more productive ngayon, and be a bit more healthy than my usual. I don't want my goals to be too specific, kasi feeling ko masyado kong ino-control sarili ko to the point na naco-constrain ako and nafe-feel ko na hindi pwedeng mag-adjust.

Basta, I'm so down and gloomy and spiraling down again. Saka ko na ishe-sare 'yung iba ko pang naiisip pag okay na ako ng konti. Hopefully soon. Gusto ko na lang maging active ulit dito.

[sanctuaryangel]

It’s 2021. Now what?

Ayaw ko na lang rin ulit mag-expect for this year. Lagi lang nama akong nadi-disappoint. Pero may mga gusto rin naman akong ma-achieve kahit papaano. 

Basta, gusto ko maging healthy ngayong year. Develop new habits at gain more knowledge. Basta ang priority ko ay health ko ngayon tsaka magform rin ng healthy habits. ‘Yun lang masaya na ako.

Happy New Year! UwU

[inarzki-deactivated20201218]

glory (kita shinsuke x reader)

genre: angst if you squint really (really) hard, fluff!! third person

word count: 6.5k / no warnings.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

he walks out of the gym, wiping at his forehead with a white towel. practice was taking its toll on the captain today. the brutal conditioning paired with the maddening nature of the twins was starting to weigh on him. he glances around for the fountain to refill his bottle when he sees her.

he had been seeing more and more of her as of late. sometimes, it’s purely accidental. other times, he finds that his curiosity gets the best of him. the cunning voice in his head whispers to him, telling him to seek her out. he falls for it every single time without fail. he can’t give a reason as to why he listens to the voice but…he swear it has something to do with the way his stomach twists on itself when he hears her laugh. or maybe it was the gentle tone of her own voice. he finds that she leaves him delirious. 

he would never admit to it, but there have been times where he has found himself going up stairs that don’t lead to his classroom and walking through hallways that he has never been through just to catch a glimpse of her. he’s always quick to avert his eyes before he gets caught, to occupy himself, pretending he’s interested in the flyers in front of him, or that he’s seeking out one of his teammates.

he wonders if he’s losing his mind.

Keep reading

[rintarous]

𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙗𝙤𝙮!𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙠𝙮𝙪𝙪 m.list

—a collab between myself, @t-amajiki, @babiedeku, @neoheros and @haikyuu-ink ♡ a collection of fuckboy headcannons inspired by my series in my previous blog.

𝐀𝐎𝐁𝐀 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐒𝐀𝐈: 

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

OIKAWA TOORU

𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐇:

FUTAKUCHI KENJI

𝐅𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐈:

AKAASHI KEIJI

BOKUTO KOUTAROU

𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐊𝐈:

KITA SHINSUKE

MIYA ATSUMU

MIYA OSAMU

SUNA RINTAROU

𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐘𝐀𝐌𝐀: 

SAKUSA KIYOOMI

𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐙𝐄𝐍𝐉𝐈:

TERUSHIMA YUUJI

𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎: 

HINATA SHOYO

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

NISHINOYA YUU

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

TSUKISHIMA KEI

𝐍𝐄𝐊𝐎𝐌𝐀:

KOZUME KENMA

KUROO TETSUROU  

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐖𝐀:

SEMI EITA

TENDOU SATORI

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

[sanctuaryangel]

I had another cute ass dream again. The setting was in high school and I was actually in an anime! But it all felt real. I remember being kissed by Makoto Tachibana (like a small peck on the lips) and another guy from Free! although I forgot his face. Then Haruka Nanase was hugging me from my waist while being dragged to where he's going. He's really cute though. They were all so cute and unreal. How lucky I was to be surrounded by those guys. UwU

Then on my second dream, it was still on a high school setting and we were talking about creepy stuff, and then we had something like a presentation about what we found out on our research, then I remember saying "Data science it is, charot!" then I was standing in front of the whole class with a guy who's supposed to be my presentation partner, I looked down and I was wearing a gray-colored vest for my uniform (seems like that was the color of our uniforms) and as I looked up I saw Cha Eun Woo across the room. Apparently he is my classmate.

I guess that's that. If only that happened to me. That would be nice. :3

[sanctuaryangel]

Hmmm so it's been 7 months since quarantine and I actually haven't done anything productive or anything I truly like. But I have so many ideas, though. I'm just having a lot of second thoughts about it and a whole lot of procrastination. So it ends up all of those getting backlogged or forgotten. I suck.

Maybe I should list down what I should actually do to fight this slump. I am absolutely unproductive as hell and I think I should be bothered by that.

Some stuff I want to do:

Write again

Play games

Learn new skills (like graphic design, web development shit, use new tools for editing videos, make music)

Learn how to draw

Take care of plants

Study a little bit (omg)

Make an exercise routine

Clean the house and dispose of old stuff I don't want anymore

So yeah, those are some of the things I want to do now. I just want to do something that would keep my mind distracted from the bad stuff going on. Right now I'm just simping on Haikyuu boys and rewatching clips from that anime. It's not lame but I think I can do something more.

[daily-self-depreciation]

[daily-self-depreciation]

[sanctuaryangel]

Had a cute dream where I was friends with Joji. So we were going around this hall where people were scattered and some other friends were vlogging with us and going around this hall in circles, then he put his arm around me and I put mine on his waist. Then he told me 'you're like a panda' and then I said "I am the embodiment of a panda". I don't know why I said that lmao. And then while we were going around like that, really close and all, I saw some girls crying. Must be some Joji fangirls.

[sanctuaryangel]

I hate my body. i hate myself.

I never got out of this rut. It always felt like I’m tied down to it. No matter how much I try to lose weight, I always spiral down and go back to zero, sometimes gain more than what I lost. It’s fucking annoying. Why am I like this?

I getting annoyed with my belly it’s so fucking massive. Since quarantine I just got fat and fat, and my belly started to grow big.

Maybe it’s because i’m not moving that much and eating a lot of fatty foods and sugary stuff. Time to cut a bit down on those food then, maybe we’ll see something good.

But still, I hate my body. It was never the preferred type, but it do be like that. Minimum thing to do about it is to make it healthy. :/

My body is so ugly and it just sucks.

[sanctuaryangel]

I just don't feel like I can have good stuff in life. There always has to be struggle in everything. Like, I can't progress or level up in things I want to do. I'm not worthy of achieving anything or have nice things for myself. I don't feel like I'm not allowed to have those. And I don't know why.

Maybe that's just how my life should be. Or maybe not. Maybe those are just feelings. I just don't know why.

Just as I am typing this out on my phone, I'm tearing up. I hate it. I hate crying. I hate it so much because it's an automatic response for me whenever I think of something is true, or something that I feel is true, tears just flow. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much.

And then I spiral down and become sad again, thinking about all the shitty things I did to deserve all of this crap. And then I dig deep down my insecurities and feel more bad about myself. My brain sucks.

[sanctuaryangel]

Quarantine got me so crazy and lazy, all I did was watch Youtube, Netflix and Twitch. Although I rarely finished the movies and series I watched on Netflix.

I never finished anything I planned to do. Procrastination at its finest.

[anamianew]

This is me trying to restrict after binging for a week

[daily-self-depreciation]

Follow @daily-self-depreciation for more daily jokes.

[daily-self-depreciation]