=)

Scout. I use this blog to think aloud mostly. Icon by @minneral.

[sandwichears]

one memory that is ingrained in my head is from my HS graduation rehearsal. I’d just seen my hometown friends’ graduation photos with them all together and bc I moved states I’d be graduating completely alone. This makes me break down bawling uncontrollably through the entire rehearsal, missing cues.

Bc our last names were the closest alphabetically, the guy standing next to me was also assigned to sit next to me in the few classes we had together so I was familiar with him. All this boy did the entire class period I sat next to him was browse r/atheism and fart rancid broccoli smelling farts. Constantly. We didn’t talk to each other but because of the alphabet we were constantly forced into close proximity.

Anyway I’m here in my cap and gown having a total emotional meltdown and just completely falling apart and trying not to draw a lot of attention to myself and farting atheist guy is the only one who notices bc he keeps having to tell me to pay attention to cues or something. And I must look totally insane to this guy who seems to be 75% gas and 25% atheism.

Anyway that’s just a very vivid memory.

[sandwichears]

I would like someone who would hug me when I’m sad bc I have to go to work

[sandwichears]

Had a dream that the parlor at work broke down and they decided to set up shop at a local library to milk cows instead but the library remained open to library patrons and there was one alley set up that the cows would stampede through at like 100 mph and my job was to yell at people to get out of the way of stampeding cows but the public is stupid and kept standing in the way and jumping over the stampede and throwing their babies over the cows to each other and I was screaming until I was hoarse for them to stop and eventually an unsupervised toddler got mufasa’d and everyone was mad at me and I got sued for failing to prevent the toddler from getting stampeded.

[sandwichears]

I still lack a gf. It’s very sad

[sandwichears]

I only ever went to one HS football game and it was at my second HS and it was the homecoming game and it got mercy called after like the second quarter because our team was losing 0-140 or something

[sandwichears]

Had a dream my phone was ringing and it said I was being called by a contact named Hairy Mike and I woke up before I could answer and find out what business I could possibly have with such an individual

[sandwichears]

I am tired of not being fully oxygenated :’|

[sandwichears]

Only YOU can prevent wildfires and you’ve failed. What would Smokey think

[sandwichears]

Tbh as a 29 year old ace spec virgin I’m not 100% convinced emotionally that sex is a real thing people do, though obviously logically I know that they must. I am deeply suspicious

[sandwichears]

the sheep detectives literally made me cry actual tears on five different occasions

[sandwichears]

lol my boss told me calling off sick because of an issue with my period I’ve been having for a few months is a scheduling issue and that is why I should see a doctor. You know never mind that the health insurance I get sucks and also I don’t get paid enough to pay for doctors 😅

[sandwichears]

In seventh grade a Spanish teacher at our school who was also the girls soccer coach got fired for being inappropriate with the girls soccer team and then ten years later I was in college and I went to a bird watching club meeting to check it out. The president had the same name first and last of the Spanish teacher and looked just like him. Turns out it IS him and he just started a whole new life as a bird biologist.

[sandwichears]

sometimes it really sucks seeing people my age and younger getting married and having babies when like. I’m not even close to that.

And it’s dumb because I don’t even necessarily want either of those things but having some kind of semblance of a family would be nice and that’s so far away.

[sandwichears]

thinking abt how at one point I had come to the conclusion that I must be straight and meant to date men bc when I have a “crush” on a man the feelings are very lukewarm and inconsequential and thus safe but my feelings towards girls are too overwhelming and intense and the stakes feel high. Flawless logic

[sandwichears]

Time I’ve spent crying over my male crushes total: probably 15 min max in a lifetime

Time I’ve spent crying over ONE sapphic situationship: unable to estimate but it’s a lot

[sandwichears]

thinking abt how at one point I had come to the conclusion that I must be straight and meant to date men bc when I have a “crush” on a man the feelings are very lukewarm and inconsequential and thus safe but my feelings towards girls are too overwhelming and intense and the stakes feel high. Flawless logic

[sandwichears]

Tbh I see videos on Reddit or TikTok and people will be like “my partner did this to hurt me and I kept trying to work on it” but tbh I feel like my threshold for a partner doing hurtful things to me is like. Nothing. Like if they cheated there is a zero% chance I would be interested in continuing the relationship. Maybe if they got mad in the heat of the moment and snapped I could forgive them if they took accountability but if they’re repeatedly hurtful and unapologetic that’s gonna be a no from me dog.

Idk I do not want anything that hurts nearly as bad as That Last Thing I’m just not interested lol

[cleo-fox]

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

[maple-seed]

Both options convey that he's horny

[cleo-fox]

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post