waiting game

when you were FIFTEEN, there was a boy who pinched the gap between your ribs & T O R E the lining between them, and pressed his lips to the waistband as if his mouth was made of MONEY. to what extent were your mistakes his fault ?? list the sources: he's NOT to blame. i was always one for pushing blame onto those who least deserve - maybe he hurt me on purpose. HARLEEN DUBOIS first-aid. XVII.

[sanguiine]

get away from her! leave her alone!

          with her commentary, the older froze––– gaze shifting between maintaining eye contact with the brunette, and studying petite frame. ‘ ––––– what’re you trying to say, harley ? ’ the male spoke, as if her words could’ve possibly have held a different meaning.

             ‘ don’t act like you’re oblivious towards what i‘m talking about, ——— i’m gonna be eighteen soon, and i uh, i want you to be my FIRST. ’

[sanguiine]

step away from the underage girl.

        with a defined jaw clenching, the grip around the younger remained–– dark hues fixated on hers rather than the bruising of pale skin. ‘ and what makes you so sure i won’t, – hm ? ’

           she was unable to formulate a suitable response, —— the answers ( excuses ) she had always managed to whip out at a moments notice, suddenly fading into a blank slate of uncertainty upon hearing his inquiry. she didn’t know, — harleen merely hoped that the elder wouldn’t suddenly lose control one day and lash out at her, coloring her skin with shades of black &. blue, or inflicting a more critical sense of damage to her FRAGILE figure. ‘ you’ve had your fair share of chances to hurt me, each situation winding up with my back pressed against some wall while you kiss me. and ‘m pretty sure that sometime within the near future, bruises would’ve adorned my wrists regardless, or maybe a couple of other places . something tells me you’re not too gentle in BED. ’

[sanguiine]

gentle giant.

             nothing good ever came out of the two of them being close, nearly every situation winding up with them both getting more than they’d bargained for. yet he closed the space between them, hand reaching out for the younger’s wrist–– digits wrapped around frail bone, forcing her arm up. dark hues studying chrome&violet bruising of fair skin. ‘ and what do you call this, –– a pitiful attempt ? or maybe i was jus’ being GENTLE. ’

               this was starting to become a common occurrence, —— the pair continuously winding up a little too close to one another after an inevitable argument, that of which surrounded the undeniable CONSEQUENCES of their relationship. she didn’t bother to fixate her gaze on the bruises that decorated her flesh. ‘ a couple of BRUISES aren’t anythin’ to worry about, joel. you could’ve done much worse, but you didn’t. you never do. ’

[sanguiine]

get away from her. leave her alone.

       ‘ –– – – and at what point… are you going to realise that i’m NOT the person that you THINK i am ? ’

      ‘  at what point are you going to realize that i DON’T CARE,  —— when you and i are together, you’re different. kind, affectionate, gentle.... that’s the man i perceive you as. to me, you aren’t a fucking monster, and i’ll be damned if anyone tries to convince me otherwise. yourself included. when are you going to STOP making pitiful attempts at pushing me away, joel ? ’

[sanguiine]

fucking hipster.

           ‘ YES, harley —— i’m deaf. that’s why i’m talking to you right now. special surprise! i don’t really appreciate that newly found tone, baby sis. you’re only SEVENTEEN; you have no idea how to make real decisions. when i was your age the only thing i thought about was you, ‘cause someone had to make sure that little bundle of joy stayed alive. now guess what? that hasn’t changed. soon enough? not okay. but i won’t be watching you throwing away every happy little thing in your life for someone or something who clearly doesn’t know that threatening a young lady is for cowards! ‘

          ‘ ——— SCREW YOU. i’m so fuckin’ tired of you continuously throwing the fact that you RAISED me in my face, ‘m terribly sorry for being a burden on your overly exciting life, jamie. i’ll just do you a favor and take myself off of your extensive list of responsibilities. ’

[sanguiine]

manchild.

       ‘ this isn’t about me, harley–– it’s about YOU. you’re getting nothing out of this–– you’re not the one with the advantage ! you know, for five minutes –– – FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE ! because say the world wouldn’t tear my freakin’ head off––– what do you think is going to happen here ? you think we’re going to be boyfriend/girlfriend ? what do you want from me, huh ? actually, it doesn’t matter what –– because whatever it is… i am NOT the guy ! ’

      ‘ at this point, i haven’t the slightest idea as to what we’re going to be, and it’s infuriating. i know for a fact that I WANT YOU, and it’s not like i’m demanding the world, all i’m asking for is CLARITY.  i’m not, —— i can’t help the way i feel for you, joel. i don’t need a damn title or some sort of label, i just need you. ’

[sanguiine]

stop making excuses.

        ‘ but do you know why that is, harley ? why making this work isn’t worth it ? because you’re SEVENTEEN years old. because this, ––– us ? it’s not normal. because if someone finds out, i’ll be lucky if they just kick me out. because you felt the need to hurt me. ––– – because i feel the fuckin’ need to hurt you. does that sound healthy at all to ya, does it ? why don’t you run as far from me as humanly possible, huh ? i mean, –– that’s what everybody’s been telling you to do ! so listen to other people for ONCE. ’

          ‘ this is the APOCALYPSE, joel. the living dead, feral animals and an abundant of diseases are outside this wall, just waitin’ to strike. normalcy is an extremely rare thing nowadays, a rarity that i’m fortunate enough to experience when i’m with you, and i’m aware that what i jus’ said sounds extremely ridiculous, and overly cheesy, but it’s the truth. i know for a fact that you don’t care about what others think, you’re not the type ‘ta do that, —— you’re probably just afraid of feeling anything other than HATRED and self-pity. ’

[sanguiine]

a liar. a scammer. a cheat.

           ‘ –– – IN SHORT ? i want you. but that’s not going to HAPPEN, is it ? because it’s never going to work between us, harley. fuckin’ look at you ! you broke your hand, –– punching me in the face. is that you want, huh ? ’

          ‘ then start acting like it. you’re the one who’s UNWILLING to make it work, joel. i’m not the one who made some pitiful excuse to get out of saying a four letter word, and i’m not the one who continuously avoids you, only to turn around and somehow get you back in my bed to fucking cuddle. do you really think i’m fast asleep when you’re there with your stupid face in the crook of my neck ? and it’s not as though i meant to break my hand, i just don’t know how to hit someone. my fist was all wrong, and, ——— if one measly little injury means i get you, then fine. I WANT YOU, joel. i need this to work. ’

[sanguiine]

old man talbot.

          ‘ good dogs don’t bite. ’

         ‘ —— DOGS, huh ? they tend ‘ta make mistakes. sometimes they’re just unable to control themselves. ’

[sanguiine]

@ncxius said:  ❝ you wanna know why? because i don’t trust myself with you. ❞ !

    ‘ you don’t, —— you don’t TRUST yourself. which, evidently, gives you the perfect excuse to continuously lie to me, right ? i’ve been nothing but honest with you... maybe too honest, which might’ve been the problem. i just. i don’t get you, joel. i don’t know what you want at this point. ’

[sanguiine]

brother bear.

      ‘ let’s try this again: what is his N A M E? it doesn’t matter how tall, strong, or wannabe fierce he is, harley. no one gets away with hurting everything i have left. my baby sister. look at you, look around us; how could i possibly make things worse? ‘

     ‘ —— are you DEAF ? i can’t tell you who he is, nor do i want to. it’ll only further complicate the whole situation, and that’s the last thing i need. if you were to make a feeble attempt at kicking his ass, he would know that i told you, and it’d come back to me. not only that, but you’d be HURT ! just please, don’t try and turn this into something more. i'll get over it soon enough. ’

[sanguiine]

JASPER.

         ‘ i’m sorry, harls. that’s– that’s awful. but you didn’t bring it upon yourself, you can’t help what you feel. ’

        ‘ i feel like i did, —— i could have REFRAINED from speaking the truth. if i hadn’t confessed my feelings, he wouldn’t have gotten upset with me, and things might have been the same. i don’t... part of me feels as though he’s making it up, but at the same time, i jus’ don’t know. he was so kind to me, jas. sure, he’d get at me from time to time, but ‘m sure it was all good intentions. —— why would he go to such an extent of trying to get me into bed. ’   

[sanguiine]

❖ r u gonna die bc of joel

there are numerous ways in which death could take me, but i don’t think joel is one of ‘em. i’m more likely to die of dehydration or some sort of infection.

[sanguiine]

brother bear.

          ‘ tell me a NAME and he’s practically already dead. ‘

       ‘  jamie, he’s BIGGER than you, and probably stronger. there’s no use in goin’ after him, ‘cause it’d just make things w o r s e . ’

[sanguiine]

life ruiner.

       he should be smarter than this; than to have sought out the younger in the first place. granted words spoken in their last meeting had been rushed –– & forced. but they’d been necessary. he should’ve kept away from harleen since the very beginning, not playing into some school girl fantasy that was bound to develop into something more.  for the both of them. hand that was one enveloped around her wrist was placed on her hip ; roughly – pulling her body even closer to his. HE’D MISSED HER, that much was obvious. and painfully so. though the elder only figured it was a result of occupied nights being replaced with  e m p t y  ones, having gotten used to the brunette’s present. and for the moment she was in his embrace, the thoughts regarding consequences of being caught RED-HANDED were pushed aside–– and lips became more aggressive against hers.

         she had become accustom to having her nights occupied by the elder, finding it to be rather difficult to fall asleep without the SENSATION of his fingers trekking through her hair, successfully lulling her into a deep sleep. harleen missed the comfort of having him by her side, limbs entangled while they kissed lazily, effectively causing the younger to become flustered. even with the humidity, the pair had rarely slept more than an inch apart, —— it also provided the excuse to shed a few layers. SHE NEEDED HIM, and she wasn’t afraid to admit it, not even after his ulterior motives. her lips were frantic against his own, lithe frame snugly pressed against the males much larger one. they were bound to get caught; though, at this particular moment, neither of them seemed to CARE.

[sanguiine]

fuck you.

        pain spread through his jawline, the AGGRESSION of a small teenager predicted to leave a mark. one that he would NO DOUBT have to explain, one he would not be able to. exhaling sharply, the male kept his focus on the girl before him; reaching out to grab ahold of the hand that had  c o l l i d e d  with defined features. grip around her wrist remained tight, though with a surprisingly restrained amount of strength. despite that however, a bruise was bound to decorate slender limb. he considered hurting her, causing her a severe amount of pain––– one that wouldn’t even begin to compare to the one he was currently experiencing. but instead; whatever  s p a c e  left between them vanished, his free hand placed on the younger’s lower back–– forcing her into a rough embrace before lips met hers.

           confusion didn’t even begin to describe what the girl was feeling, ––– her emotions were precarious, and they always had been around the elder male. they were continuously dancing on the edge of something else, bound to expand into something DISASTROUS, much like they had earlier. harleen was uncertain as to whether or not she should repeat the actions she had inflicted upon the male earlier, or if she deepen the kiss; further proving just how tightly the elder had her wrapped around his finger. going with the latter, lissome digits traversed upwards, grazing his cheek before they wound themselves tightly in disheveled locks. 

[sanguiine]

crazy.mp3

     ‘ you are, hm ? ’ the older questioned, only following in her footsteps; erasing whatever distance she attempted to put between them. frames inches from colliding, joel refrained from laying as much as a finger on the brunette. instead features remained hovering close to hers, intimate enough for a bystander to confuse the situation with something else. something more innocent;or well, –– as innocent as any interaction between a thirty something year old man & teenager could be. ‘ so why don’t you do it again ? ’ the irritation was clear in his voice, jaw remaining locked; teeth sinking into soft flesh of inner cheek.

            her breath was quick to halt in the cage of her throat, the proximity shared between the two practically NON-EXISTENT, –––– a stance in which used to cause a whirlwind of butterflies to appear in her stomach, now sent a chill down her spine. azure hues were locked on the elder male’s, chest shuddering with each quivering breath she took, and for a split second, she considered following through with his request. ‘ …. …. ’  instead, she delivered a swift uppercut  to his cheek, a sharp shooting pain following through; she didn’t grasp the proper technique of punching someone just yet.