sapetals

understanding oneself a word at a time

[sapetals]

Pillars of snow

Pillars of sand.

I've lost track of is

And what is not anymore.

Something has shifted

within these made up walls.

Only I know when to stand up and run.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

Monthly Notes

Oh where to start? Is been a month filled with sorrow, forgiveness and a lot of ringing bells echoing the good and bad of oneself.

I found myself wanting to scream at you, but also give you a thousand kisses of joy and gratitude, for the life and joy you bore this season.

You carry both sides of the coin for many. But I am thankful we have made it this far. For now, life it seems, like a fragile paper waiting to get picked up again, and be of use to someone else.

I may have heard whispers of what might come later on. But I will seat by the porch for now, awaiting for things to be reveal to us all, when they come.

Thank you for keeping me sane, when all I wanted to do was hit pause and purposefully forget the play button.

—

S . P

[sapetals]

An Unstuck Thought

Jaws clenched,

closed hands.

Not a single step closer,

to what we really want.

Passing smiles,

and short gazes.

What are we playing at here?

If only we said what we wanted,

with an honest heart.

—

S . P

[sapetals]

Feb/March Notes

Life simply flows. For the better or worse, it just flows.

The mourning period of last month, has come back with it’s meaning now.

There are still so many questions, to be asked and answered.

Complaining is not a deemed action.

Be better, to do better. Is easier said than done - but so is our existence.

Scratch on the surface — that is my worry.

But, the light and water never lie. For this year, will be another filled with triumphs and sorrow.

That is what life for us is about; repeating lessons, and experiences.

If not, it simply is.

Our need to figure out everything out of frustration or anxiety, will only get us so far.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

A Landscape Above The Clouds

We used to seat by the window, in our wooden chairs.

Our hills resting by the wide panel, that extended from right to left.

Walls covered in aged pigments, showing cracks of conflict and triumphs.

Now it is time that we see ahead, as the morning bell rang for today’s trial.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

As another siren passes by,

the floor trembels for the 100th time.

While speed cars pass through the morning rush.

You can hear the afterschool kids playing at lunch.

Still remembering those times.

Of what would come to be, the change for us.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

A canon of unmarked words,

bouncing back from our concrete walls.

A water well running dry,

only to see there was nothing to hide.

Shifting rooms,

with compartmentalised emotions.

We scream and shout,

with no devotion.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

AUGUST WIND

Like paper kites

of captured laughter.

Bouncing back and forth

like ever after.

We danced and laughed

in the summer rain.

Only for our hopes and dreams,

to be lost in vain.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

January Notes

Hearing whispers of then and now.

I will come to seat by the porch,

awaiting for what is to come.

You seem to already know now,

that truth and honour

should not be consumed from the same cup.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

Flashmobs of scattered reflections. Urgent spills of desperation.

What have I done, that I wasn’t already capable of?

Only the little things start to trickle down, along the side of conversations.

Shouted from the tallest of dream-made hills, or should I say, the lowest part of my hills.

The bed that I made.

Only to break it apart once again.

Still. Holding my breath.

.

.

.

A cup of water made of hands. Broken limbs, and nothing to hide.

But the rough ink that touches my skin.

What have I done, that I wasn’t already capable of?

—

S.P

[sapetals]

We need to be accountable,

and comfortable,

with all the good and bad,

that comes with the soul,

which embodies this human form.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

The clouds lay low.

As the moon gleams with hope.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

What can I do to make land resurface again?

I only need a little,

to be able to stand again.

oh, what a feeling is to be able to stand again!

I've been seating,

bleeding out within this puddles for far too long.

Our white waters, have been inflamed with a colour,

that my eyes can't register anymore.

I am seating bellow my cherry tree.

Its fruits are gone, and its juices

have blended with the water underneath

—

S.P

[sapetals]

Through Body and Soul

—

You see.

My soul is this water, and this soil —

Is the body I have come to be, in this lifetime.

They are two different things.

But mixed together, they become something new.

It is this that I am here as today.

I am her and me at the same time.

I hope you welcome me as you did back then.

—

S.P

[sapetals]

all i wanted to do was to make you happy,

but because of my egoistic views

i have hurt you,

instead of protecting you.

what can i do?

so we can go back to the beginning.

the blossoms start to appear again,

but you do not appear again.

lets give this another chance,

why don’t we?

my skin feels like plastic,

and i can’t seem to shake this feeling in my chest

that you will never appear in my dreams again.

lets give this another try,

why don’t we?

—

S.P

[sapetals]

we started with doubts

but —

breath once again

see once again

think twice before you speak

you don’t know what you will seek

stop running away

is ok to stop

it won’t always be that way

all we need is a little freedom

and you will see that everything will be fine

the borders are within our thoughts

I feel disconnected these days…

-

S.P

[sapetals]

The more I know.

The more I feel, the sorrow of my surroundings.

It is not an easy task, of knowing things.

I keep asking myself the same questions:

Should I stay put,

or should I do something?

will i regret it later?

Showing a brave face isn’t good enough anymore.

Acting and words speak two different languages.

—

S.P