Christmasy/Wintery Starters:
“Do you think if I turn on the fire place Christmas Eve, I’ll set Santa on fire?”
“Can your Christmas present to me be shutting the fuck up?”
“What a sexy runny nose you have there.”
“Dashing through the snow GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY-“
“Did you just stuff snow down my coat?!”
“Let’s go play in the snow.”
“Imaginary mistletoe! That’s code for make out with me.”
“Why is my gingerbread man so much uglier than your gingerbread man?”
“The mall Santa came down with the flu so I signed you up to be the new one.”
“The mall Santa came down with the flu, so say hello to the new Santa!”
“I made a snowman replica of you, but his/her/their head fell off.”
“Will you help me hang up the Christmas lights?”
“Thanks for the gift. I hate it.”
“Aren’t the decorations a little much?”
“Hey, can you help me reach the higher up ornaments?”
“Will you decorate the tree with me?”
“I know you don’t like Christmas, but I wanted you to have a nice one anyway.”
“I tried regifting [NAME]’s shitty gift, but the person I gave it to regifted it back to them, so now I’m busted.”
“Thanks for forgetting to include a receipt, jackass.”
“How did you know exactly what I wanted?”
“HEY, those cookies are for Santa, not you!”
“Let’s make a gingerbread house together.”
“Why is it that every year, I don’t get any presents, I only get socks?”
“Can you help me pick out a gift for [NAME]?”
“Oh my god, my toes feel like they’re about to fall off.”
“Where do you think all the holiday cheer goes after Christmas?”
“Listen, the ugly Christmas sweater’s got to go. I can’t take another year of that.”
“I hope my wallet grows three sizes like the Grinch’s heart.”
“If you keep singing Rudolph, I’m gonna make you sound like him when I punch you in the nose.”
“You look cold. Take my jacket.”
“I may or may not be stuck in the Christmas lights.”
“Doesn’t Frosty the snowman, like, die at the end of this movie?”
“If you think YOU got a bad Christmas gift, just remember that I once got a used toothbrush.”
“Bet I can catch more snowflakes on my tongue than you.”
“There’s a zero percent chance I’m going caroling with you.”
“Don’t forget to leave food out for the reindeer!”
“If you think about it, Christmas is really about a baby being born in a stinky barn.”
“I’m not wearing your homemade sweater from Hell.”
“How can Santa deliver all those toys in one night? Is he a time traveler?”
“The Grinch only decided not to steal Christmas because he knew he would get the shit beat out of him if he did.”
“The last time I went to see a mall Santa, he got arrested for possession of meth when I was sitting on his lap.”
“I brought presents and a couple of smelly things.”
“Christmas is about giving… so give me $100.”
“You can’t go out in the snow like that! You’ll catch a cold.”
gummygunk
pixelskylines
discoholicmusic
jbbartram-illu
theartofmadeline
