If Friday was a mashup, this would be it. Â
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If Friday was a mashup, this would be it. Â
When you pick up an empty beer can thinking it’s full
Hey girl, in honor of the GOT season premiere, I have somethin’ real important to give you.
When I find ANY amount of money in my pocket, it’s just like:
Even if it’s like 3 bucks, I’m ballin out like:
For some people: When it rains, it pours.
For me: When it rains, it’s a Jurassic Park shitstorm.
When you’re jonesin for Fourth Meal and you realize Taco Bell has burned down.
When the pizza delivery man forgets the ranch.
But the thing about twerking, it DOES matter if you’re black or white.
It’s black.
It’s white.
It’s black.
It’s white.
Just sayin.
Do try this at home, kids.
Lemme know how it works out for ya.
The jig is up, Dippin Dots
When someone tells me they had a beer at lunch
HOLD UP.
One Tequila
Two Tequila
Three Tequila
FLOOR.
When the pizza arrives:
When the pizza is gone:
"I'm the type of person who..."
Let me just stop you right there.
Monday Vibes
Ode to Snacks
Snacks, why you so yummy?
I can’t get enough of your crumbs in my tummy
I eat you at home; I eat you on trips
Goldfish, Funions, barbeque chips
I eat you at the movies; I eat you in the car
I eat you aggressively when I get home from the bar
I eat you when I’m hungry; I eat you when I’m not
Usually after smoking a large amount of pot
I eat you when I’m bored; I eat you when I’m sad
If another were to eat you, I’d get really mad
Thanks for always being there; I feel truly #blessed
Dieting can suck it, 'cuz snacks are the BEST