ok

hi hello goodbye

[prettycryptid]

one time i forced my mom to play pokemon for at least half an hour and all she did was catch a butterfree and name it lowfat

[up-north-23]

[animentality]

I would slap my 15-year old self across the face and 15-year-old-me would probably understand.

[animentality]

If my thirty year old self came to slap me across the face right now I would understand

[sixpenceee]

[anonymoustypewriter]

1) Put four pills on each side. The heavier side has the pill. Take the four pills from the heavier side.

2) Put two of the potential pills on each side of the scale. The heavier side has the poison pill.

3) Take the two potential pills. Swallow one. If you survive, you are holding the poison pill. If you die, you have eaten the poisoned pill. Either way you will find out which one it is for sure

[waepenlesbian]

1) Weigh 6 of them, 3 on each side 2a) If both sides are equal, weigh the 2 you didn’t use before. 2b) If one side was heavier, pick 2 of the 3 and weigh them. Heavier one is poisoned. If they’re even, it’s the 3rd.

[anonymoustypewriter]

Well, all I can say is that we all have our methods and some of us are more willing to take a risk in the name of science

[equalistmako]

the pizza guy just looked straight behind me, smiled, and went “you both enjoy your pizza” ? i’m alone in my apartment???

[equalistmako]

[toastbutteregg]

a lot of us will reblog this and think “wow i need to check on people” or “i need to make people feel loved” but 99% of us will end up not doing it because we are not used to doing it and it’ll be weird for us to start doing it out of nowhere

BUT everyone needs support, love and understanding. not because a person looks happy does it mean they no longer need help. lets all reach out to our loved ones by at least calling them hi or checking up on them. its not too late to make a good change. sure it might be weird in the beginning but trust me, they will see that you care and it will make not only their day but possibly also their life

and it can even change others to start checking on their loved ones 

[butterflybabbyy-deactivated2023]

Breaking the reblog button

[goddessofgamma]

Any time I mention anything to do with superheroes to my dad, he sagely says “Ahh.  We will deep fry your kebab.”  because the only scene of any superhero film he’s ever seen is that bit of Infinity War that’s set in Edinburgh, and he seems to think that quoting this bizarrely threatening piece of set decoration is somehow a reference any comic book fan worth their salt would know.

[boom-shwa-tee-oosh]

[chocolatechiprincess]

This is the Sabrina I know and love

[burningitdownn]

may 2019 bring you your “i’m doing better than i ever was” moment

[smstransformers]

Why only may?

[smstransformers]

Wait never mind I’m fucking dumb

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[spybook]

[carnival-phantasm]

[dicksmasher]

this is the funniest fucking thing i have ever seen

[ulibeanzz]

sometimes u just gotta put on your cowboy hat and be both the cowboy shooting at your own feet in rapid succession and telling yourself to dance and also the cowboy dancing away from your own bullets with stunning accuracy 

[ulibeanzz]

sometimes you just gotta take yourself hostage you know what i mean

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via lowghen)

[avatar-14]

MAKE HIM REGRET

*spec prep*

BEING BORN

*spec prep*

[shimmersing]

So my husband tells a story about a guy he worked with at his first job. They’d regularly go to a Thai restaurant near their office - one of those really legit places where grandma is the chef. So the guy says one day to their server, looks this girl dead in the eye, and says “You can’t make it hot enough.”

Server gives him this look like “your funeral” and takes the order to the kitchen. GRANDMA COMES OUT AND LOOKS AT THIS POOR WHITE BOY, shakes her head, and goes back in the kitchen.

When the dish comes out, it’s a solid mass of just RED. Dudes at the table are dying just sitting near it. This guy tries his damnedest, gets about five bites in, and can’t do it. Mr You-cant-make-it-hot-enough was fucking obliterated by Chef Grandma.

And to add insult to injury, they replaced the dish for him, and GRANDMA BRINGS IT OUT, gives him a look and shakes her head.

I think there’s a reasonable chance this was his receipt.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

HE BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF BY TALKING SHIT ABOUT THEIR PAD THAI

[thebootydiaries]

My girlfriend: *studiously doing her accounting homework, listening to instrumental music, very focused*

Me: *upside down in my desk chair* do you think stars have feelings

[nursery-deactivated20160926]

first date with me is watching shrek and then i fight you during the credits

[turing-tested]

dogs are incapable of sin

[ymawgat]

but not of mischief !!!

[turing-tested]

you’re right