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@saurosuchus
your mistake is thinking healing will always feel good, and not often like molting while clung to dead tree bark
Painted By Nature | Eric Rubens
Yosemite - USA
I hate being mentally ill dawg I hate it so much
But lately I have been trying to do things differently than before and I can feel myself getting better, itโs possible.
Feeling aghast and horrified coming to terms with my own maladaptive behavior means Iโm growing. Iโm confronting it. Iโm working through it. Iโm not trying to bury or ignore it. Iโm sitting with it and moving through it, step by step. I have made an effort every single day for the last 2 months, itโs much more than I can say for many months before that when I had once again given up on myself.
Like I've had people respond to "I'm a bit tired this week" with "do you need to go inpatient", I've had people double my meds simply because I cried in front of them, I've had people suggest rehab just because I mentioned having a beer sometimes because "people like you shouldn't drink alcohol"... The degree of pathologization of completely normal experiences that starts once you've been labeled as an unstable mentally ill person is insane
fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this
I think for a lot of people โI am completely helpless and powerlessโ and โI am completely powerful and in controlโ are both basically comforting fantasies because most of us live our lives in an in between place where we have enough agency to be responsible for our actions but not enough agency to have true control over our lives and the tension between power and powerlessness in the day to day is psychologically wearing and exhausting
It turns out that you can become the person youโve always envisioned but youโll still have the person you were before inside of you and you have to treat them with as much forgiveness and love as possible
girl shocked to discover that inaction can have consequences too
local woman disgusted to learn that choosing not to decide or act is, in itself, a choice
Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm โstopโ when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living
So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u
#this is unfortunately true#itโs not easy to tell yourself Hey Drop It#like youโre your own dog furtively eating pinecones and rocks#but you gotta#sometimes itโs a Hey Weโre Not Doing That#you gotta though
โThere are no trigger warnings in real lifeโ
โThe real world is cruel, get over it.โ
My boyfriend is triggered by Christmas and Christmas music. We were in a restaurant, and Christmas music was playing, and he started panicking so he went outside for a cigarette. The manager of the restaurant overheard him saying he had to get out, and changed the music over for the rest of the time we were there. There are safe spaces in the real world. People are nicer than you think. And bullshit people who try to tell you to get over your triggers, ainโt shit.
Honestly โthe world is cruel get over itโ is pretty easily translated to โIโm a complete asshole who doesnโt want to be held responsible for my sh*tty behaviorโ
The world may be cruel but you donโt have to be.
diet culture people make me feel like iโm going crazy. you want me to take an experimental pill that destroys my appetite?? you want me to remove part of my stomach??? you want me to stop eating bread and rice, two of the staple foods most inherent to humanity????? why exactly? because my stomach is big? because you donโt like the way i look, and you think itโs reasonable to tell me to carve pieces off of myself and try random drugs and ruin my own life so i can look more visually pleasing to you? and you somehow donโt see how absurdly cruel and selfish that is to ask of somebody???? while pretending you care about their HEALTH????????????????? FUCK YOU!!!!
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