Saudade

Amateur writer || ENFP || 22 credits to the artist for the header and dphttps://www.pixiv.net/en/users/2199811

[sausausuka]

Aziraphale calling Crowley after reading an astronomy book: Crowley?

Crowley: Why'd you call, Angel?

Aziraphale: Well, uhm, do you remember placing a black hole just a very few light-years away from Earth?

Crowley: ....

Crowley: .... It was God's idea.

[sausausuka]

Crowley, waking up from sleep sweating: Angel?! Angel?!

Aziraphale: Crowley? What's wrong?

Crowley: A-angel, please tell me you chose me. Please, please.

Aziraphale: Did, did you have a nightmare again? Of course, I'll always choose you, darling. I'll never abandon you.

Aziraphale: ... never again.

[sausausuka]

DON'T GIVE UP ON ME

It wasn't really what everyone expected — the fall of a hero, the death of a fighter who always risked himself to save all. Quirkless before, he staked everything that he has on one final blow. The exact blow that took his last breath, at that spur of the moment, he watched how everything went into a blur — the silhouette of his friends running towards him and the astonished look that was plastered on Bakugo Katsuki's face.

"DEKU!" There it was, the shout that he wished to hear for the last time. His body flopped on the debris of where he stood, and as soon as he cranes his neck to look, a pair of hands went to swoop him up. He felt like shit, as Kacchan would put it. Bakugo might even say it—, "You look like shit, Deku.." There it is.

A small chuckle escaped his bloodied chapped lips, trying to move both of his broken arms but he was too weak to even lift a finger. His wounded all over and it seems there isn't any chance for him anymore, is it his time?

"Kacchan..."

He called out softly, looking at the male's crying figure along with his friends who came to accompany him at his last moments. Uraraka, Iida, Todoroki, and everyone who fought with him, "Did we won, Kacchan...?"

"You shitty nerd, just ship up will you? Help will come soon, so just stop talking for once..."  Bakugo said while looking up at his classmates and shouting at them, "What the fuck are you looking at? Get some help!"

"I am sorry, Kacchan..." This was the first time that he ever witnessed the blonde being so worried about him. Should he tell him that he's going and that he felt like sleeping after the long battle? He wouldn't mind if he closes his eyes for a while, right? "Can I sleep?" He really felt very warm in the embrace of the blonde, he wanted to cuddle some more and sleep.

"H-Huh? No fucking way! Just stay awake..." Bakugo can't let him sleep or he will die, he can't let him sleep yet. He shouldn't let his eyes fall.

"You feel so warm..."

"DON'T GIVE UP ON ME, DEKU!"

"See you later, Kacchan..."

"SOMEONE SEND HELP!"

There was no response, only the shouts of his friends who came to watch. Tears trickled down his face as he tried to approach the unmoving hero. Of all the times that they had shared with him, he wanted to talk to him one last time. Just a glimpse, just a word.

"Midoriya-kun..."

"DON'T TOUCH HIM!" Slapping Uraraka's hand away, the male would easily scoop the bloodied male's body and held him close to him. He just can't let him go. Not today, not even if he hated him so much, "Go get help, stop fucking touching him!" A roar of pure anger exploded inside Bakugo, with his left hand he sent an explosion towards their way, his eyes hollow as he held Midoriya's body still.

"Wake up, Shitty Nerd!" By this time, Todoroki and Kirishima had already enveloped their arms around Bakugo's, wanting to calm he down before he sent more explosions in their way. It was then that they saw the crystalline beads of pain flow across the blonde's cheeks, his eyes mouth twitching in irritation and mourning. Bakugo can't believe he's dead. He didn't even have the time to apologize for everything that he has done to him, he didn't even have the chance to start again.

He left them. He gave up so easily.

"Wake up, Deku."

"𝘽𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙜𝙤, 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙞𝙩..."

"Deku, open your eyes let's fight."

"Stop it..."

"Shitty nerd, I'm sorry..."

"..."

"Why did you gave up on me?"

[sausausuka]

❛

"Can I be him?" 

Seeing your figure on the court, your stature reminded me of the first time we met at school. Those motivated olive hues and rough hands that handle the ball thoroughly and carefully. Everytime your shoes squeaked at the polished floors of the gymnasium puts me on adrenaline because I knew that you would be making another miracle. As you rushed from one side of the court to another, I would raise my cheering batons in glee, hoping you would see my support from the sea of people that is watching you from the bleachers.

Can you see me, Wakatoshi-kun?

Another score was made by one of your spikes, I almost screamed in happiness. Seeing your stoic yet satisfied face always puts me in a smiling spree. This crowd can never tell how happy you are with that single spike, they never knew how happy you are compared to me who knew you for so long. But at that time while I was watching you, I started to have my petty illusions again. Those lips that signal people to move, how I wish I can catch those lips with mine. Those hands that was roughened by the years of training, how I wish to hold those and let it trail on my skin. I crave your attention after all these years and yet I remained your friend father all those times I was with you. How can I tell you my feelings anyway? I wasn't him.

Will you look at me if I was the only one in the gymnasium?

Grinning at how your eyes would constantly glance at someone in the brine of your supporters, I would take little glimpses at who you are watching out but I can't see them no matter I try because I knew I really am not that one for you. No matter how I try to outdo them, I can only be a mere backer and a friend. I am more than a stranger but less than a lover.

As the game ended, I watched as your lover came to your arms after your team won — why wouldn't you guys win? They have you in your team anyway. I noticed how your eyes glistened at the sight of your lover, that look that I have never saw from you before. How lucky he is to have a man like you.

Hey, Wakatoshi-kun?

Can I be him?

[sausausuka]

❛

"Are you ready to erase your memories of him, sir?"

It was just a simple question, a bargain that he had been planning all along as he cries every night, a proposal that he was offered upon seeing his languid way of living. He lost the final thing that he yearned for, the last thing that he hoped that would save him — it was gone and he lost hope on what to savor anymore. In other words, he lost him and he's never going back to him.

"Why did you choose to proceed with this action, sir?"

He was chosen to partake in the first memory-erasing machine, a machine that was supposed to set someone free. A lot was afraid of what the machine can do, and yet here he is trading his memories for the whole life of starting anew.

"I wanted to forget."

Was his answer to the question, he just wanted to neglect everything. He wanted to forget those little recollections that remind him of his lover. He wanted to forget the reason why he is still living — after this, he wanted to die.

"Forget what, sir?"

"Everything."

"Would you be a little specific over that matter?"

"I wanted to forget what living is like."

A chuckle escaped his mouth, saying that out loud just makes him feel giddy and a bit excited about the outcome of trying out the new tech. Humans are indeed too smart for everything and yet too dumb when using their heart — just like him.

"Alright, we will begin."

Feeling the lowering of the chair he lay upon, the male could only close his eyes as he sensed the metallic ring that was set upon his head, it was cold and had a smell of rust and metal. His hand couldn't help trembling from slight fear but deep down he couldn't help being enthusiastic.

The whole process was painful, it was like a suction cup was placed on both of his temples and sucking every part of his brain and his eyes feels like exploding but he didn't mind because he knew it's going to be over soon. He's going to forget how painful it is — he is going to forget him.

"Satori?"

Walking down the street with both of his hands in his pocket, the redhead was seen whistling a happy melody. He completely forgot about him and he's now enjoying his life to the fullest. What he asked was to delete every painful memory and the happy memories associated with it, that's why he could only remember things that he wanted to remember.

And yet now, as he gazes upon those olive hues that stared at him, Satori couldn't help but feel pain at the scar on one of his temples. His eyes grew wide at his heartbeat fast at the sight of the man that he already forgot about.

"...who?"

"It's me, Wakatoshi Ushijima."

"I'm sorry, I don't remember..."

"Can we talk?"

Looking at the man's sincere orbs, Satori didn't realize that he was going to do the same mistake all over again.

"Sure!"

[sausausuka]

❛

"Are you happy?"

Breaking the silence, Tendou finally looked up to meet the olive hues of the lover. Though he already noticed how he was staring at him since the start of their "date", Tendou really didn't bother speaking with him. But this abrupt question suddenly put him on edge.

"What do you mean, Wakatoshi-kun?" He asked with a tilt of his head, grabbing the table napkin and wiping the stain of the food he was eating off his lips. Just as he thought, it looks like this dinner outside isn't really going to end as he expected it to be.

"Are you happy with us?" Ushijima repeated with a faint frown. It seems he doesn't like how the redhead was oblivious of the question. With a tap of his fingers against his shoulder, Tendou looked away from the fellow and tried to calm his mind with the cars that passed by the window of the restaurant.

"I don't know."

He answered with a shrug of his shoulder. To be honest, there isn't really much going on with them anymore. At first, it was fun until they began to become more distant and more cold to each other. It was like a cycle of give and take. He would hit him, and he would hurt him back. All those nights of doubt turned to nights of recklessness. It got to the point that they really stopped caring for each other.

Are they happy? Not the slightest anymore.

"Why are we even dating?" Tendou asked first this time, gazing him straight at his orbs, "because we feel like it's a responsibility, right?" He pinpointed the truth. "Wakatoshi-kun, with how many years we have dated each other, are you scared that it might be too late to break up?"

"Yes, " the latter finally admitted clenching the utensil he was holding tightly. "I'm sorry if I hurt you to the point that we both gone numb from the pain."

"...me too."

"But are you happy that you met me?"

"Of course, " he answered with a chuckle, remembering the day they first met, "you're my light after all."

"So are you to me, Satori." Ushijima answered with a soft smile, only letting the memories wash across their minds but not holding on to it much. Tendou flashed the male a smile too, knowing full well that this will be their last dinner together.

[sausausuka]

❛

"Can you still hold on?"

A weak laugh escaped the redhead's chapped lips, pulling a hand to his mouth, and covering the grin almost made his lover cry again for the sixth time that day. Tendou really can't believe his boyfriend is such a worrywart sometimes.

Ever since he was admitted to the hospital six months ago, Ushijima had started to be more careful in taking care of his weak lover. He can't blame him, he's pretty weak after all.

"Yes, I can." He answered weakly, trying to put up a brave front for his worried significant other. He had been admitted here for months already, and as time goes Tendou could feel the overwhelming amount of tire that built up in his system. Nevertheless, Tendou could still smile despite all.

"Satori..."

"Mhmm~?"

"Are you tired?"

Is he tired? Tendou thought of it for a moment. Looking back, he already lost his capability to walk and move on his own. He lost his hair and his vision is already blurred. But is he tired? "No, I am not tired, Wakatoshi-kun." He smiled fondly, staring back at the outline of what's left to see of his lover. His sight was reduced to an unfocused camera, he couldn't see Ushijima's face clearly but he can tell the big lug has been crying again.

"Are you crying again?"

"N-no," Ushijima sniffled, wiping the tears at the side of his face. Just looking at the remains of his lover is enough to make him tear up. He looks so thin and pale as ever, he is bedridden, and yet he still couldn't accept that he has a week to live. He can't take it.

"Are you scared of me leaving?"

"You see, it's my fault. If only I knew sooner about your sickness then maybe we could've..."

"All people die in the end, Wakatoshi-kun." Tendou interrupted with a touch of his frail hand on top of the other's, clutching it weakly, "It is my time today."

Looking back at the note that was placed on top of the table, there Wakatoshi took sight of the note that was placed on top of the table. It was a signature of his and the patient's permission to take euthanasia as an option instead of taking more months of pain. Wakatoshi insisted otherwise at first but after seeing Tendou's tired yet reassuring smile he could only abide.

"I know you are tired too, and I don't want to bother your time anymore." Tendou explained when Wakatoshi asked why he signed the euthanasia. Tendou isn't a bother to him at all. He wasn't a bother to him and he never is.

"I am going to miss you so much," he cried out, holding to the lover's hand and keeping his head down to refrain the other from seeing him like this. Tendou hated it when he sees him crying, so he isn't going to show any of these tears to him.

"Me too."

"I love you, Satori."

"I love you too, Wakatoshi-kun..."

After their goodbyes and kisses, Wakatoshi watched as his lover went to a never-ending slumber. Tendou surrendered and it was the best thing to do. Ushijima's tears fell like a rain shower that hour, already missing the lover's voice and smile. He already misses those lively crimson hues and annoying antics. He misses him.

With that, he walked towards the latter's lifeless body and gave each of his closed eyes a kiss. A kiss on his eyes. A kiss on his forehead. His cheeks. And lastly his lips.

"Goodnight, Satori."

                                         

   

[sausausuka]

PART TIME WRITING BUSSINESS

─────────────────────────────

Hello! I am Sàu, a fictional writer and I'm here to invite you to partake in my small part-time business in writing commissions. Due to the fact that the pandemic had been terrorizing our way of living, I would like to ask for everyone's financial support on my small writing business.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

The main point of my business is that I will be the one to write your ideas out, it's your choice who the characters are, what they are going to do, and suggested ending or theme. Once you've given all of your requests, I shall write it down for you. When it's done, you can own the story the I have made or let me post it as well, it's all up to you.

✔ Your idea, we write.

✔ Your characters, we write them.

✔ Yours suggest ending, we make them

come true.

The characters you can suggest can either be OC, AC, GC, or any character as long as you have a concrete idea of their personalities, and we will handle the rest.

Example of Pieces

Lily of the Valley https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=109034220936067&id=100054884684621

Slow Dancing in the Dark

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=147115453794610&id=100054884684621

Bitter Chocolates

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=127228249116664&id=100054884684621

AMOUNT

Due to the fact that everyone is also experiencing the hardships caused by the pandemic, I would accept any amount that you can offer. It's okay because I also love writing and it is enough to hear suggestions and talk about what to write with your help.

𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

If you want me to free write, that would also be okay and donations are highly appreciated. I did this business because I'm obviously getting broke and the school fees are smacking my butt right now.

Here is my PayPal for your assistance.

https://www.paypal.me/sautori

And my GCASH number for donations

09559682595

WRITER'S EXPERTISE

✔ I mostly write angst (sad endings) stories

using the HAIKYUU fandom. I can give any

ship a very sad ending that it's like wiping

your tears with onions. However, I can also

write different genres as long as you

request it.

✔ PROOFREADING

✔ The fandoms I know of are;

- Haikyuu

- Boku No Hero

- Black Clover

- Mob Psycho

- Bungou Stray Dogs

- Fairy Tail

etc.

You can also suggest other fandoms but

I may have to take my time learning of

the characters that will be used.

✔ I mostly just write fanfictions.

✔ I don't use highfalutin in any of my works.

CONTACT

If you are interested in my writing business, please don't hesitate to contact me through messenger and we can talk about the payment and your idea or suggestion that you wanted me to write.

THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!

#help_me_promote_my_business_challenge

#writingcommunity

#writingbusiness

#commissionsavailable

[sausausuka]

`

SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

Inked by Sàu

"You are beautiful, Wakatoshi-kun."

Candlelight lighting the small ballroom with only two figures insight, here we dance in the middle of the floor with both of our hands draped to each other. I held you close to me, breathing in your lovely scent as we let our hips move along the music.

A low chuckle escaped your lips at my compliment, shaking your head you glanced back at my red hues, a warm smile resting on your pale pink lips.

"You always flatter me, Tendou."

I can clearly remember how you caressed my cheek with your hand, your hips swaying slowly as the music hitched our senses. You took a step back and spun, thus I caught you right in time before we continued indulging ourselves in the rhythm. My heart raced at every brush of your skin against me, I wanted to kiss you.

Again and again.

"I wish we can dance like this forever, Wakatoshi-kun."

I commented with a wide grin, kissing the back of your hand as you watched me. The corner of your lips remained tugged, cheeks showing a hint of pink as you chuckled. At that second I know what you're going to say.

"Of course, let us dance together forever."

A tear fell from my eyes at your words, coming to rest my head on your shoulders as I hugged you close with our feet continue moving to the beat. You placed a hand at the back of my head, comforting my sobs with a shush. You know what's going on, but I don't want to believe it.

I don't want to stop dancing with you.

"Tendou, are you too happy that you cried?"

I nodded.

Indeed, I am too happy to have this dance with the true love of my life. I simply cannot let you go, if dancing means that I will be forever with you then my feet won't tire from doing this again and again. My feet won't tire from moving. Tomorrow. The next day. For eternity.

I want to be with you.

"Yes, I am happy. B-but I can't dance with you any longer."

I explained, pulling away as I wiped the tears off from the corner of my eyes. Everything has an end, and I know that now. I should've taken you way before. I should've loved you longer than I am supposed to. I don't want this to end soon.

"Why not, Tendou?"

Worry evident on your green orbs, I would pull you closer to kiss your forehead. Letting my lips take another of you, I would miss this. I would certainly miss this.

I miss you already, Wakatoshi-kun.

"Because they are coming."

Soon enough, I can hear the sirens of the police cars echoing from behind the door.

I can hear the thudding of shoes that was on there to get me.

I can hear the loud yells of angry men coming to arrest me.

"OPEN UP THE DOOR, SIR!"

I smiled.

I looked back at the dead corpse of the love of my life in my arms.

How can I forget that you died because of a disease?

How can I forget that I was supposed to be the one to treat you?

And I failed.

As a doctor and a lover.

How can I forget that you're dead already, Wakatoshi-kun?

"Let's dance again next time, Love."

—

End

You can support the writer through https://www.paypal.me/sautori

Life is pretty much not daijoubu over where the writer is, so every bit of donation is already enough and appreciated by their author. Thank you for reading!

[sausausuka]

`

Found and Lost

Inked by Sau

"Tendou, that smells delicious."

A grin emerged at my face at the recollection of the past. I can still remember the memories that were set in front of me, these pictures that were taken as proof of our love. How much I miss how my lover would kiss my cheeks as I was cooking. Those sincere efforts to make me blush, I remembered clearly how my cheeks would turn red at his teases.

"Leave your shoes at the door, Tendou."

And let's not forget that male's strictness. I can still recall Wakatoshi's way of showing his love towards me. Though I can't really blame him if he gets too angry with my messy way of approaching things, Wakatoshi prefers it clean and proper.

"Is it cold? Let me hug you."

"Don't you like the food? I prepared it for you."

"I would like to get closer to you, Tendou."

Clutching the photographs near my chest, the memoirs of the past had finally surfaced. I can remember your voice at every inch of this house which we abandoned long ago.

The stairs where you would guide me down whenever I would retort that my legs ache. You look so serious in holding my hand while I watch you lovingly.

"Does it hurt, still?"

The sofa where we would hug each other for warmth as the cold winter night passes. Your touch was enough to warm me up but you would add kisses at every part of me that set me ablaze with affection.

"Still cold?"

The veranda where I would joke above the struggles of life and you would shush me up with a kiss because it's not worth making fun off. Such a killjoy you are at that time.

"Life isn't something you should joke about, Tendou."

The bed where we would sleep and make love.

"I love you."

The kitchen where we would cook food together.

"Is this even the right ingredient?"

The dining table where we would usually plan and tackle the most random topics while eating the failed attempt of cooking together.

"... It's not the right ingredient..."

The garden,

"Here are your favorite flowers."

The library,

"And that's the end."

The door.

"Tendou!"

Especially the door. It was the most memorable and painful part of the house for me because it was when you saved me from the fire that burned our house and yourself.

Yes, it was that night where our house was set on fire. I was stuck behind the room as to when the pillars of our house started crumbling. You were out for practice at that time but you rushed to save me and pushed me out of the house just in time when the house crumbled upon you.

"I love you, Tendou."

Were your last words when the fire got worse. The yells, the tears, and the guilt that grew inside my chest were unfathomable. And before I knew it, it was too late for regrets because you were gone already.

Along with you, our love faded away.

While walking around this burned house that was mostly reduced to ashes, I realized how much I have to live especially for your sake. The second life that you granted me made me realize that I'm found and yet... I'm lost again.

I'm lost again.

However, I shall find myself again for you.

"I miss home..."

"... I miss you."

-

End

You can support the writer through https://www.paypal.me/sautori

Life is pretty much not daijoubu over where the writer is, so every bit of donation is already enough and appreciated by their author. Thank you for reading!

[sausausuka]

003.

Bitter Chocolates

Penned by Sàu

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Ah."

"Satori?"

This feeling must be disastrous. Discovering your past lover bringing their recent lover into the restaurant that you're working on, Tendou couldn't really hide the anxiety he is feeling at the moment. He immediately wanted to disappear at the sight of those olive green hues which he formerly cherished, those hues that once appreciated him even at the greatest of problems.

How much they have gleamed even more now at the side of his new love.

"Oh, you're here, Wakatoshi-kun!" The redhead managed to say after feeling the fluster that strived to creep up to his neck. He obviously didn't want to see the male nor is the brunette from Aoba Johsai in this place. Who would've known that they would meet in Paris at all the places on the earth?

"Yes, you recommended me to come here before." A simple answer for a simple greeting, a smile could only appear on Tendou's face as he was stacking the newly made chocolates on the counter of the restaurant. The chocolates he made were pretty and elegant to the eyes, however, they lack one thing -

"Any recommendation on what to buy?"

'My time, ' Tendou thought at the second. Tendou expected more of the other's time, he wanted him to crave more of his too but what can he do? The bloke declared on loving someone else in the middle of their relationship, it was a major spike to his heart and the fact that he didn't hesitate upon it makes him flinch to the very core.

"Well, " the chocolatier smiled, "the cakes are delicious if you want something sweet." He grinned, offering the cakes that the other bakers baked. At that period, he really can't make his kneecaps stop from shaking so hard. He wanted to take a seat and get out of the situation as much as possible. When can he accept the fact that he is no more the one he wanted?

"Really? What about the chocolates?"

"The chocolates, well... They are—"

"The chocolates aren't sweet sir, " being cut off by a co-worker, Tendou froze upon where he stood, looking down at the ground, hoping that he can get off from this conversation because he knew that Wakatoshi would—

"Bitter? Isn't Satori the chocolatier here?"

"Yes, sir."

"But Satori makes the sweetest chocolates—"

"Not anymore, " the red-haired voiced out softly, holding on to the hem of his apron before looking up to the ex-lover's beautiful green hues, "...not anymore." He repeated solidly, smiling a soft smile once more before bowing and walking back to the kitchen.

Nothing much happened after that event, Tendou didn't weep nor shed any tear as when he was working. To him, it was merely an encounter of someone that he no longer knew, even though he can hear his own heart throb so hard inside his chest.

He didn't miss the person, he only missed the memories he shared with him.

"They left," His co-worker would open up as soon as he was over with his shift, "is that your ex-lover?"

"Yup!" The red-haired chuckled with a grin, taking his bag and placing his hat on the locker, "he's my ex-lover."

"Do you know that he was left standing there for a few minutes when you left?"

"?" Looking back at the co-worker's figure, Tendou would only shrug at the news being given to him.

"Yeah~ Who wouldn't be shocked at that even?" He asked with an uninterested expression on his face. Thus, he walked towards the backdoor of the restaurant. He doesn't want to pry into it anymore.

"He said something before he left though!"

"....?"

"He said that it's okay if you can't make sweet chocolates for him anymore but he really wanted you to make it sweet for the customers."

"..."

"Because for him, you're the greatest chocolatier there is."

Tendou chuckled at the words of the co-worker, shrugging then again before stuffing his hands on his pockets. He really can't deny how Wakatoshi's words can easily move him like that. It's true that his chocolates were only made for him at that time, he strived to make it sweeter and sweeter, and yet he wanted sweet chocolate when he couldn't make it anymore?

Eyes looking at the lights that illuminated the street he was in, Tendou couldn't help but exhale the cold winter air that enveloped his lungs.

Should it really be the time that he must let go already?

He was his light, but Tendou never expected for Wakatoshi to bring him into darkness again.

Taking the leftover chocolate that he made from his pocket, the chocolatier would carefully unwrap the foil before taking a bite on it.

"It really is bitter."

"Maybe it's really time to let go."

—

End.

You can support the writer through https://www.paypal.me/sautori

Life is pretty much not daijoubu over where the writer is, so every bit of donation is already enough and appreciated by their author. Thank you for reading!

[sausausuka]

002.

To Die For

Penned by Sàu

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Record: On

"I guess I'm a bit scared."

"Wakatoshi-kun~? This isn't very scary."

Ushijima would place a hand at his nape, eying the redhead and the camera in front of them. Are they really doing this? It doesn't seem so secure to videotape something that he must only see alone. Just look at the room they were in, the room is too bright and they can't probably do this properly.

"Why are we doing this again?"

He decided to inquire after a few moments of the redhead fixing the camera in front of them. Ushijima doesn't really know when this started, there isn't any reason to videotape what was going to happen between the two.

"Well? For you to see it when you're missing me?"

Tendou answered in a naughty manner, grinning a wide one before plopping himself in on the side of the bed. With a hand over the lover's thigh, the slender male would lick his lips excitedly.

"We can always do it again," the latter would suggest, reaching for the camera, "this is stupid, Satori." He blushed before wiping the side of his eye.

"Ora~ Crying again?" The redhead sighed, chuckling a few to himself. Guess Tendou really can't blame the bloke, what they were going to do is indeed too emotional for the two of them. Especially now that he doesn't have much time like this.

"... I told you that you're going to survive the surgery, Satori."

"..."

"I told you that you're going to live so why are we videotaping as if you're going to die?"

"..."

"...how can you be so sure that I'm not going to die, Wakatoshi-kun?"

Tendou's crimson eyes sparkled in tears at the break of emotion inside of him, he understood his condition very well and he also knew that there is a little chance that he will survive. He wanted to be positive but nothing can be done anymore but get ready for what's worst to happen.

As the tears continued rolling down Tendou's eyes, he felt a warm touch envelop his frail hand. A touch he knew so well. And thus, there was his beloved looking at him with such seriousness in reflected on his eyes. Those orbs which he observed and loved so long, he badly wanted to see it again and again.

He's scared.

"You're going to live long."

"Waka—"

"Promise me. You're going to surpass this and we will live in Paris after, just like you dream of okay?"

"R-really? We are?"

"Yes and then we are going to adopt our own kids and then travel the world together."

A warm genuine smile finally arose on the male's sad and weak face. With a pump of his hand, Tendou would clutch the lover's hand back before nodding his head.

"Yes! I will surpass this, I promise!"

Record: Off

Looking away from the screen, Wakatoshi smiled at the video of his beloved on the screen. His eyes looking out of the window before his glance met the beautiful Eiffel tower that stood in the middle of the city of love. Sipping the cup of chocolate, the buff male decided to watch the record again before switching his gaze towards the picture frame on the coffee table.

"Paris feels lonely without you here."

He sighed, placing a hand on the urn of Tendou beside the picture of his beloved.

"We are here, where do you want to go next?"

—

End.

You can support the writer through https://www.paypal.me/sautori

Life is pretty much not daijoubu over where the writer is, so every bit of donation is already enough and appreciated by their author. Thank you for reading!

[sausausuka]

"Daddy?"

Entering the house with a look of sadness, I noticed the house was still silent as ever. The loneliness emits pangs at every wall of the small establishment — my home. I squeezed my eyes shut at the anxious whispers that crowded the small corners of my mind; I am a kid just in need of my parent's love.

"Daddy, are you still in your room?"

No answer.

I shook my head at the moment, that's okay. I am sure he is just tired of work that's why he couldn't answer. Forcing a smile on my face, I would place the stolen groceries at the countertop. There, I perceived how my hands look odd, it was filled with wounds and dirt from constantly running away from the officials.

"...it hurts, " I mumbled absentmindedly, taking a cloth from the counter before using it to wipe the blood off from my hands. You see, I steal because daddy can't work anymore ever since my mommy died. He would lock himself in the room and would refuse to go out. I understand daddy, it's just that he needs more time to heal himself — I knew he wouldn't leave me alone.

"Dad, why do you feel so far away?" Looking back at the closed room at the end of the hall, I decided to come today. "Dad, I'll cook your favorite food." I tried offering it to him but there was still no answer. I am scared of being alone without him here, I already lost my mother — I don't want to lose him too.

"Daddy do you not care about me? Is there anything that you wanted to say?"

"I know you're hurting there because of Mommy but I still need you here..."

"Daddy are you still in there? Why do you keep running away?"

"Daddy, " I sniffled, the tears that started brimming my eyes trickled down hopelessly along my flushed cheeks, "...today is my birthday..." With that, I did my final knock and opened the door that held us back from talking. I saw your figure in the middle of the room, the stench that surrounds me irks my system but I was too desperate to mind it.

"Daddy...?" I called out walking towards you, I grabbed on to your hanging feet — the coldness of your corpse made my eyes swell more. You hanger yourself because you're tired. I knew you killed yourself not too long ago but I don't want you gone from beside me, I want us to stay like before.

"Daddy, please stay for one day..." I begged

"Just for today...."

I cried.

"... Can't you please stay?"

Just like a happy family.

[sausausuka]

001.

❝ LILY OF THE VALLEY ❞

inked by Sau

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WARNING : The piece contains the theme of Hanahaki disease, coughing of flowers and vulgar terms will be seen along the story.

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It never really occurred to Tendou that life can be unreasonable sometimes. It was just like yesterday that the he and his lover shared a profound relationship with each other. Those happy days, that love that bloomed from mere friendship — he missed that.

And yet here is, wondering what happened between the two of them. As far as he knew, Tendou didn't do anything that can upset the male but why, why is is that he wouldn't talk to him?

"Is the food good, Wakatoshi-kun?" He would ask brightly, offering more of what he cook towards the fellow.

"Huh? Yes, it was okay." Was the lover's answer before he realized the difference from now. Wakatoshi usually would nod eagerly at him, complimenting his hard work and now a plain answer, he didn't even touch much of his food.

The anxiousness is killing him.

"Ah, then, " slightly fiddling with his slender fingers, Tendou perked up a topic that he was wondering for a long time, "... What should we do for our anniversary, Wakatoshi-kun?"

"...."

"Should we eat out?" The redhead suggested with a grin, looking at the other fondly, "we can perhaps go out to a restaurant? How about taking a trip outside?"

They have been together for 9 years, and they always had this most fun anniversary celebrations together. Both of them lived in together in a small house in Paris, and they would always somehow visit different places together. It wasn't much fancy but both of them enjoyed the day together as a couple. However, as to what he can see right now, there won't be any fun to celebrate soon.

"... I can't."

"....?"

"I can't celebrate it with you, Tendou. We have an important practice match along with the team on that day..." Ushijima explained with a drop of his spoon, sighing a bit from how the pointless the conversation is.

"I-I see, " it had already been the second time he used this kind of excuse, ".... That's alright! Next anniversary then—"

"Sure."

And with that final answer, Tendou was left at the dining table with both of his hands placed on top of his head. He never liked this emotion he is feeling, the suspicions that bubbled deep inside him made him think that the male was lying to his face.

Is he tired of him?

Did he do something wrong?

Was he just overthinking?

These words that echoed along his heart made him feel as if something pricking his heart. It hurts, and with a hand over his chest — he smiled through the pain.

'I am okay as long as I have you.'

Their anniversary passed as if it was nothing, just a normal day for two men. Tendou actually prepared Ushijima's favorite food that day and only to realize that he wouldn't come home that day. His heart sank, and the seed implanted in his heart started growing.

"You have been sighing for the fifth time today, Tendou." Taichi, a friend whom he have since high school, commented. They are co-workers in a restaurant both of them worked on and Taichi was a bartender meanwhile he's a chocolatier.

"I am?" He asked with a nervous chuckle, "I didn't notice." The redhead replied before waving both of his arms in front of him, "It's nothing! It's nothing, Taichi!"

"Really? You look tired."

"Well, it's just that my heart has been feeling quite heavy lately~"

"Your heart? Don't you need it to be checked up?"

"I don't think it's that bad, " Tendou replied with a grin, focusing on his work as he began mixing the hot chocolate on a bowl he was holding on to, "Ora, it is quite a fancy celebration for the couple who ordered this chocolate cake! " he started, trying to change the topic.

"Well, it was their anniversary— Tendou?"

Cough. Cough.

Followed by the cough was the soft thud of the spatula that fell from the chocolatier's hand, there dropped a white flower from the male's crooked lips. There petal of the famous scented flower, Lily of the Valley, fell on top of the chocolate he was making.

Another one. And another one.

Tendou continued coughing up the flower until he fell to his knees, blood came after and he can feel the itching feeling of the stuck sprout in his throat, he wanted to cough more.

"Tendou!"

"Taichi..."

—

"Hanahaki disease?"

"Yes, Hanahaki." The doctor replied with a sigh, prescribing medicine for the pain and wounds on his throat, "it's a disease that results from unrequited love, your heart is in deep pain right now due to the flowers that grew on your lungs."

"Is there some other way doctor to heal from the disease?" Taichi asked for the sake of his friend. Sometimes, Tendou is thankful that he have such a kind friend as the male.

"There are two ways, it's either be loved back or undergo surgery. However, the surgery can cause you your ability to feel."

"My feelings?" Tendou asked gloomily, looking at the beautiful scented flower on his hand. He can't, he can't loose something as beautiful as his love for Ushjima. The flowers in his lungs? It just shows how much he love him.

"Yes, you're fee—"

"He's going to love me back." Tendou said abruptly, positive of the solution he had for himself, "he's.. He loves me already, that's why I should just feel it..." He mumbled unsurely, clasping the flower in his palm.

"Then if you're positive, " he chuckled, "I hope you the best."

—

Walking home that day was sure of a burden for Tendou, every step along the way made his insides squirm in turmoil. His disquietude made him reckon more of the issue he was handling

Will he really love him back?

Will he really stay?

Will he heal him?

He was positive of himself a moment ago but now that he thought of all the things they have experienced, he's not so certain anymore.

He's scared.

"Wakatoshi-kun...?"

And he was right, because as soon he arrived in their home, a letter caught his attention. It was neatly placed on top of their tea table and a ring settled beside it. Tendou knew what is inside the letter already.

Cough. Cough.

Along with the streaming of his tears that day was the constant flow of flowers and blood from his mouth, and yet despite all that, he continued reading the letter of the one who abandoned him.

"I decided to follow Oikawa, I love him. I'm sorry."

These words that gave him the most tears made him squeeze the flowers that fell from his mouth and the cold ring that was left hours ago. It hurts.

"Why... It hurts..."

He cried a lot that night, but you can't say that it would be his last nor does he have any plans of taking off the flowers that grew from his lungs. The Lily of the Valley is a proof how beautiful an fragrant his love is to the point that he risked his all for him.

He won't take off this flower even if it would be death of him.

Until he comes back.

—

"Ushijima-san?"

Looking back at the hazel haired male behind him, Ushijima's eyes widened in slight shock.

"Taichi? What are you doing here?"

"I live here."

Taichi who was holding groceries gave the superior a raise of his eyebrow, he couldn't forgive this man who have left his lover behind with a sickness that only he can heal — utterly disgusting for him to come back like this.

"O-oh, you're Tendou's new lover?"

"No however we live together." Taichi uttered with a shake of his head, he didn't really expect for the male to appear in front of Tendou's house after all that years of pain that he brought him but he must keep his promise.

"Financial problems?"

"No, " Taichi sighed, "he has a sickness and I have to take care of him."

Ushijima's olive hues widened at the male's words, "Is it serious? Can I see him?"

"Of course. Follow me inside."

To Ushijima's point of view, nothing much changed over the years of his departure. The reason he actually came back was because Tooru and him decided to get married after how many years of being together — something that he didn't bring up with Tendou. However, it doesn't seem that there are traces of Tendou around the house.

"Where is he...?" They already walked pass through the entire house and yet it seems they are going to the garden, "Taichi, where's Tendou."

"He's here." With a grab of the binds of white cloth that distinguish the other flowers from a certain area in the garden, Ushijima's eyes widened at the sight of white scented flowers that grew on the rest of the backyard.

The beautiful white petals of the plant glistened along with the sunlight and there, Ushijima felt the overwhelming nostalgia from the garden of flowers in front of him.

"Where's..."

"You are looking at him"

—

end.

You can support the writer through https://www.paypal.me/sautori

Life is pretty much not daijoubu over where the writer is, so every bit of donation is already enough and appreciated by their author. Thank you for reading!