Main blog: @theestrangeddreamer losing myself in words is my solace. and perhaps, getting lost in old libraries is an attempt at finding my very own midnight library.
I think it’s finally time for an introduction! I’ve just started posting fics and hope to write and post more consistently, so this is me!
A little intro: hey everyone! I go by Noor and I’m a 23 year old psych masters student. Born in India, I’ve been an international student most of my life, growing up mostly in Switzerland and Malaysia. I did my undergrad in Canada, and I’ll be heading to the Netherlands soon! After an excruciatingly long hiatus from writing for myself, instead writing research papers and doing assignments where my only claim to consistency were high levels of stress and procrastination , I’ve made my way here with a newfound conviction, not too uncommon for the start of a new year, to share my work with anyone who’ll read it! At first, I’m probably going to be writing a whole bunch of fanfic, so here’s a list of my fandoms if you have any requests.
Fandoms: BTS (I’m a baby ARMY so if any of you wise older armies have any recs or trivia or anything, please lmk!), Marvel, Harry Potter (if you have any mauraders era fix refs, I wanttt!), Doctor Who, Sherlock…
I’m sure I’ll think of more or at least more obscure ones as time goes by, and come back to edit this post a gazillion times, but for now this is it!
As I ease myself back into writing regularly, there may also be a bit of poetry and journaling or random thoughts scattered throughout. I really hope you’ll have a good time here 🌻
I’m adding Bridgerton to this list, because it cannot be helped after the season we’ve had, and my thirst for kate sharma and anthony bridgerton is currently a bottomless pool
Any tips on writing for people with ADHD and a short attention span?
Hello! As someone who was recently diagnosed/had to go through the process of jumping through hoops to get meds, I've been trying to put together some new writing routines to get back on track. It has... been a process. Here are some things I've learned (from my personal experience, your mileage may vary):
Writing everyday doesn't work. I think this really common advice has been debunked overall, but let me tell you, there are days when the energy bar starts on empty and stays there. I can function, but the creative juices aren't there. Trying to stay creative by other means, either by reading or working on another hobby, can be a way for you to keep your day productive instead.
Hard schedules don't work. To reflect the above, I can get up at 5am every damn day, but only some of these days will get work done before work. That isn't to say you shouldn't try to make a schedule and stick to it - you'll definitely get more done that way. But it isn't always going to work, and you shouldn't beat yourself up if you can't keep to it every day.
Being 'plugged-in' definitely doesn't work. The 'oh I need to look up how to spell this oh no I'm twelve pages into a Google hole' is definitely still a trap. To keep focused, keep that instant internet away from you. Need to look up something, slap a note on it and come back when you know you don't need to write another 1000 words.
Medication/caffeine/whatever you use to function can only do so much. I can drink a cup of coffee and immediately slam myself into bed. My meds exist to get me through the work day, which is what I need them to do, but won't always be able to keep me through the extra work day. Trying to stay awake and focused when my brain is fucking done for the day just doesn't work. Instead, I have to focus on what does - writing in the morning or at noon, making time when I know I can still function rather than trying to take it on at the end of the day when I know I'll be spent.
What has been working and I've been trying to incorporate more has been:
Drafting on paper. This has always worked for me, and it continues to work for me. Physically writing the words down and editing as I type them does slow down the work, but it makes much more sense to my brain.
Using color codes/other visual tools. Color-coding characters, using different colored pens for types of notes, and flashcards help me flesh out plots. It makes plotting more like an art project, but that in itself can help me be more creative. If you like working on a computer and not by hand, you can spice up Excel sheets and Google docs with different fonts, templates, and adding notes.
Lists, lists, and more lists. I have a planner for work, I have a planner for my personal life, and I have a notepad where I write down all my daily goals, however small. Using a combination of the three has been working great for keeping me on track. For me, physically crossing things out and checking things off is a great motivator.
Alarms and writing sprints. Slap a timer to a screen and write to it. Use an online writing sprint, hop into a work-focused Twitch stream, or use a timed YouTube video to put yourself in a focused environment with a goal in mind.
Relocate. There are certain areas of my apartment that I've dubbed 'The Ooze Zone' where all I can do when I'm there is get nothing done. Unfortunately, because my apartment is quite small, the Ooze Zone takes up most of it. So if you can't set up an office space or a designated area where your brain knows to get work done, consider checking out your local library, a relatively peaceful park, a friend's house, or a cheap coffee shop. I know somewhere who would just drive somewhere and do 80% of his writing in his car. If you can't do your work from home because your brain won't let you, look into alternatives.
If you have meds, take them. Getting medicated and on the right dose is hard, believe me. I've been trying to get back the swing of things after a. being checked out from not being medicated and b. being checked out from not having the right dosage/type of meds. It is a process, but if you have the ability to seek a diagnoses and treatment, it is worth pursuing. If you have meds, take them on a regular schedule and how your doctor recommends. Add an alarm on your phone to remind yourself. Make it part of your routine. Doing it haphazardly is only doing yourself a disfavor.
And lastly, Get More Sleep. The number one thing that may be fucking you over is not sleeping enough. Having ADHD is directly tied with having more sleeping problems in both children and adults. If you have this problem, it is affecting you way more than you know.
Here's the thing - I thought I had a great sleeping schedule for the longest time, and could not figure out why I was so exhausted half the time. But I recently got a fitness tracker, which informed me that actually, my sleeping patterns were complete dogshit. I may have been in bed for eight hours, but I spent three of them tossing and turning.
Make a sleep schedule and stick to it. Go to bed at the same time of night. Consider getting a sleep tracker to see where your sleep patterns are messed up and what you can change to fix it. This sucks, believe me, but going to bed at 9pm to account for that time you'll spent tossing about before you get up at 6am may be the only way to recover those missing sleep hours. Even if it feels like it's taking away from your free time, you will function better overall.
🎨 Graphic made by @indiaisstudying: India is brilliant my pals, and I recommend checking her out for studyblr/artblr inspiration. My girl tHIRIVES.
The singular takeaway from this post: Do a creative binge. Much productive than a Netflix binge. Period.
Two months ago, I reached my peak when I coined the term ‘bood day’ (a bad to good day, in my article How To Flip A Bad Day By 180°). Today, puppies and kittens, I present to you— a creative binge.
*crickets chirping, that one dude in the audience scratches his nose and turns away*
…This one actually works but okay, we get it, y'all are bitches. But gonna do my job anyway– if you’re a creator reading this, please do a creative binge at least once every two weeks.
I started doing these binges two months ago, and I’ve seen a VAST improvement in my creative energy. I feel my commercial voice coughing and saying hello to the mic, so before I start listing side-effects for a sponsored pill, let’s dive into the basics.
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Ever questioned your life, experienced writer’s block, painter’s pain or blogger’s… block? (Narrator: aaaand she’s back to advertising.) A creative binge helps deal with fixing exactly that.
“A creative binge is based off the equation of quality in = quality out.”
A lot of creators feel that they’re supposed to magically create out of their head, and that’s just ridiculous. It’s ludicrous considering you don’t know shit, read shit, do shit and watch shit.
Even to write fiction, my pal, you’ll have to expose yourself to the world to know its ways, read great books and take tips (not to mention stock up on coffee, and prepare to cry a lot) before you start cranking out the pages. Everything you create is ultimately inspired by the Ways Of The World. (And that’s a fantastic novel title)
So in short, you’ve got to consume content, to make content. And in a creative binge, you conscious choose content that’ll help you create. Genius, I know!
Okay, but what if I’m not a creator?
Brilliant question! Wanna become more valuable and leave the people you interact with better? Take a creative binge.
Allow me an elaboration: Take a janitor and a neurosurgeon. The said janitor is paid much less than the neurosurgeon. Why is that? Is the neurosurgeon a better person? That’s debatable. Is the janitor less efficient at his work? Again, debatable. The primal reason lies in the neurosurgeon acquiring more valuable skills than the janitor. Society rewards them by paying more since there are less folks who can do what the neurosurgeon does.
To recap: In order to be indispensable in the role you play (whatever it is, a student, calligrapher, CEO of the Janitor Club), you HAVE to become valuable. Grow your curiosity & know more than yo’ buddies (also bring more value than anybody else). And to become valuable, you consume value. Tada!
(And if you still ain’t convinced, I’ll pull out the Netflix card. You’d really rather watch shows? Or binge YouTube? Than learn a new skill, or develop existing ones? Question your priorities, my friend. Victims love entertainment, victors love learning.)
Cool, you’re joining in then! Not that creative binge is NOT an entertainment binge. It’s a value providing binge. What you ‘consume’ has to bring you something in return— whether that’s creative inspiration, motivation or skills. *Swing arms* yup! We’re one gay, productive household. Someone remind Hallie to buy the groceries though, the Cheerios are going mouldy.
By my dictionary, a creative binge is a slot of time, 1½ to 3 hours I’d say, when you watch/read/listen to some good stuff. Basically, binge content.
THE 101 OF A CREATIVE BINGE
🌿 Basics:
I conduct one every week (usually Wednesday mornings), lasting around 1½ to 2 hours.
I’ll also keep a notepad and a pen nearby, to take notes and jot ideas as they come. Again, this is NOT an entertainment binge, even though it’s a chill job.
Sometimes I’ll get passive things done (like wiping my desk, eating breakfast and taking out textbooks) while watching. We maximize our time.
🌿 What Do I Watch:
The stuff I watch falls into 3 categories: creative/humor (for inspiration), business/skills (for skills) & motivation (for, um, motivation). Fair warning though, a lot of the stuff these folks make overlap, but that’s alright. This is just a rough demarcation.
Creative/Humor: some YesTheory, maybe some MacDoesIt, sprinkle in some Ryan Higa, perhaps an episode of a show with an amazing script, some stand-up comedy from my favorites. Or maybe trash that and just watch Sherlock. (Geez, Netflix, I hate you, I love you.)
Skills: Gary Vee, some artist channels, that random video on how to thrift shop even though I don’t shop.
Motivation: Be Inspired, Tom Bilyeu, Mel Robbins and random videos which look nice.
🌿 What Do I Listen To:
Oof, I love music tremendously! If you’re a pal, you know it’s time to RUN when I come around being like, “soo, I was wondering what’s your favourite–”.
Yet, during a creative binge, I’ll only listen to stuff that 1) inspires me, or 2) is creative in a way I can’t explain. Some recommendations!
Hype music:
The Score
NF
Imagine Dragons
Creative music:
Billie Eilish
Lana Del Rey
Sleeping At Last
Lorde
Conan Gray
Harry Styles
🌿 What Do I Read:
Usually the book that I’m reading at that point if I’m being lazy.
POETRY: It’s my belief, but poetry is a writer’s most powerful device. There’s a novel to be said in a simple sonnet.
FICTION: I dig great fiction. PS, please read (and sob over) Away Childish Things, by @letteredlettered. It changed me as a person, changed my entire perspective about kids. I’m much kinder and softer now, and my pimples are gone. I’ll literally never get over drarry too, so thanks lettered, love you.
ARTICLES: Bookmarked psychology, productivity & fitness articles on Medium. Maybe check out James Clear’s & Gary Vee’s blog for new posts.
Because I wanna drive this home, here’s what I did in my last creative binge as a concrete example —
Care to Note that:
All of the stuff I consume is pre-planned.
I add videos throughout the week to my Creative Binge playlist on YouTube, download albums from Amazon Music and articles for offline reading.
DON’T leave this to the last moment, you’ll more likely pick entertainment vs learning then.
Watched–
Why I’m done trying to be “man enough”
Redecorating my room 2017 (I wanna decorate my room this year so)
How to Squat Properly (I’m trying lmao)
Giving a 9-Year-Old Her Dream Job for 24hrs!! (I stan YesTheory so much)
How To NOT Be A Starving Artist (A mood. I love Sorelle)
Couple more, I could go on & on, but you get me.
Listened–
Every song on YouTube by Bruno Major
Born to die: paradise version (album) by Lana Del Rey
Read–
Articles from James Clear’s blog — (x) (x)
Articles from Gary Vee’s blog — (x) (x)
HIIT workouts for beginners
All of this birthed–
Ideas for future articles, titled: How To Be Great & Solomon Letters #2: Question Your Faith, Not Your Dreams, among others.
A small poem about faith– posted on my IG, check it out!
New content ideas, like value chains (upcoming!)
Bunch of other small rants for everyday posting
Some business and life advice that might be useful later.
Gotta say goodbye now! (literally too… but post about it coming on 12th so wait for it) Try this one out, and let me know how your binge goes (tag it with #team conquer). Mine usually end with a bucketful of philo notes, a recharged left (right? psychology? idk) brain, and a fresh perspective towards the rest of my week.
This is the #1 strategy I’ve adopted to sustain creative energy when it’s sapped all around by negativity and school & I promise it helps. No side effects, no sponsored pills needed. Thanks for reading!
Related: How To Get Back Into The Creative Process (if you’re in a blogger’s block or experiencing painter’s pain)
Have something to say? I treasure all feedback! If this post inspired you to do something, or you wanna throw some love/constructive criticism at me— hop into my ask box, or reply to this post itself!
Thanks for dropping by! Major articles, like this one, come out every Thursday! Join my taglist by to read them when they do. I also post daily wins, journal entries, rants & photos of my plant babies throughout the week, so follow me if you’re into conquering life. I vow to be the loudest cheerleader. ✧
Sending you love and good energy, talk soon.
Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡
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Okay, so this episode is slyly brilliant and I want to talk about it.
Episodes 7-8 were about Young-woo dealing with her parents and her connections, and Min-woo being an obnoxious pillock. In episode 9, we suddenly pivot to a story about a somewhat quaint man who kidnaps a bus of children to play games in the woods. He calls them the “Children’s Liberation Army”. He legally changed his name to a poop joke because it made kids laugh. The kids he kidnaps are a bunch of academy students who only know school and sleep. We all know this message - Korea’s academic system is broken and the casualties are the children, whose parents cannot see the hurt they inflict because they are unshakingly convinced that it is for their good (very very relatable). I root for Bang Gu-ppong because I also believe in children’s liberation, and I want him to behave so Young-woo can get him a lighter sentence, even if that means declaring him mentally unwell.
Young-woo, like me, believes in children’s liberation. Unlike me, she goes above and beyond to understand Bang Gu-ppong as an individual whose ideology has merit that should be recognised in the court - even if it means that he can’t get a lighter sentence. Her actions might not “win” the case, but she upholds her integrity towards her client and her own beliefs (a far cry from episode 5, where she ignored her gut feeling and sense of justice to win a case for a lying client). Where I am in the episode (I was so excited by its writing that I hopped on here to post meta while my brain was still firing), Min-woo has just asked Attorney Jung to please, pretty please, penalise Young-woo for her behaviour in court. Watching the scene play out, I was thinking, ‘does this man think he’s in school? you don’t just “penalise” people like that in a professional workplace, wtf…oh. OH’.
And then Attorney Jung says, “Giving rewards and punishments over who’s right and who’s wrong is not how I work”. And the whole thing just clicked.
I remember reading somewhere that children, like women, are oppressed by the patriarchy, and by the systems created and upheld by the patriarchy. The education system is one such system and is therefore punishes any behaviour that might destabilise it. “Play” - to have reckless, aimless fun for the sake of fun - is violently opposed to the patriarchy, which is “work” (boys especially are raised to place their worth in their ability to work, which is part of how the patriarchy perpetuates itself. Bang Gu-ppong is unemployed - he’s got little worth as a man, and little worth to the system).
This is the same patriarchy that Min-woo represents in this story, and that he’s been desperately trying to uphold since Young-woo, a disabled woman, barged in to completely disrupt order. When Attorney Jung asks Min-woo why he simply can’t talk things out with her, it’s because Min-woo, like a lot of people in the story including Young-woo’s father, sees her as a child. He doesn’t see her as his equal. And when she proves herself repeatedly in ways that upset his own perceptions of the world, he mentally defaults to “school”, to “penalties and rewards”, because this is the only environment he can imagine Young-woo in and this is the only environment that would certainly punish her for her disability (and we know that’s true, since she was bullied all through school). What he doesn’t realise is how much of a fool he looks by doing all that, since Young-woo sees herself as an adult (which she is, duh) and doesn’t stoop to his level of clownery. Maturity is something much deeper than parroting the “right” language and presenting yourself in the “right” way. Bang Gu-ppong seems immature, but he refuses to lie about who he is and what he’s done, and why he did it. That, for me, is “adult”.
That’s not to say that I agree with him kidnapping a bus of kids lol. He says they consented to being spirited away, to which I say, ‘meh’. When it comes to kids and consent, that is always a hairy discussion because kids genuinely don’t have the perspective to know what is good for them. But, work and study is always assumed to be good for kids without question, whilst it’s play that has to be constantly treated with suspicion, always moderated, always surveilled. And discussions around kids and consent lacks a ton of nuance - it’s almost always an either/or scenario. Either kids don’t know anything, so let’s micromanage the life out of them - or, kids can definitely consent, all the time, so their “yes” is always “yes” even when it’s said in ignorance. There has to be a better way to give kids some agency in their lives. I think the saddest thing in this episode is the implicit child abuse - if Mujin Academy is famously harsh on its students, then imagine what kind of treatment the director must have inflicted on her own kids (and having Gu-ppong’s mother be the director ties the whole thing together perfectly). But even the director herself, like all women, is only trying to navigate the patriarchy - a single mother, in a system that loathes single mothers, who goes above and beyond to mould her sons into the perfect future patriarchs. They excel in education and gain the high societal marker by making it to the best universities in the country. And she capitalises on this “success”, showing other mothers how they too can make their own potential patriarchs. In doing this, she proves her worth to the system.
After Gu-ppong tells the attorney of the playground games he had with the kids in the woods, Min-woo (who can never do anything right lol) says, “I guess you didn’t do anything incredibly original.” To which Gu-ppong responds, “The thought that playing has to be original is what creates gimmicky children’s camp field trips without the field part. Taking the children from here to there, making them do this and that, so that they can experience something novel and educational. That’s not playing. Even if all they’re doing is looking up at the sky and snickering at the clouds floating by, as long as the child is smiling and is happy in that moment, that’s what playing really is.” When he said that, the scales fell out of my eyes. It was like, of course, of course. All those school trips and summer camps I did as a kid that were heavily monitored, expensive, stressful - even the kind of play that we think is acceptable for kids, is still work. That makes sense. This was the moment I realised that this show is being written by someone who truly cares about children. And it’s so radical! It dropped something so novel (to me, at least) on the sly, and with such humility too.
What advice would you give to young or beginning writers?
Read everything. Read the stuff you like and read the stuff you don't think you'll like. Read the things that people think it's good for you to read and read the things they seem worried about you reading. Read prose and poetry and fiction and non-fiction. Get off your phone and read books without interruption. Read the classics and read the cutting edge. Read everything you can get your hands on.
Summary: A friend of yours is eager to introduce you to her new man but what happens when Park Jimin, the man who broke your heart 5 years ago walks in through the door?
Pairing: Jimin x Female reader
Genre: exes au, exes to ???, fluff, angst, smut
Word Count: 18k
Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, feelings of rejection, confrontation, mentions of sex, feelings everywhere, mention of pot brownie, very drunk reader, accidental misunderstandings about possible suicide (but its not), cliches, classic miscommunication, some jealousy.
Notes: im so sorry its taken so long! I am back from vacation now:] enjoy a long chapter to make up for it! I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Love hearing from you guys<3 Send an ask if you want to be added to a tag list or just want to chat:)
Previously on…in chapter 12 of Love again, you realize you and your friends have been getting busy—minus Taehyung…you and Jimin decide the night you shared was a one time thing, until it wasn’t. Hoseok and Dae. Naomi and Jeremy. It’s all a mess. Hoseok knows all the truths about Jimin now after Jimin confided in him. You tried to talk to Namjoon but failed. And now Jimin is telling you things that start making you question ‘feelings’.
“What…what do you mean by that?” You ask Jimin as directly as you can muster, though your voice still sounds softer than you intend. He looks at you, brows slightly furrowed as he silently questions if you are really not understanding.
Jimin finally tears his eyes from you, “I’ve had an interesting week,” He sighs, suddenly seeming more detached. “I was quick to want to talk to you about it because…well,” His eyes rise to your face again, “That’s what we’ve always done. But this isn’t the past. I’ve always told you all my thoughts and feelings as they were happening because it was easy with you—because I was yours. But I’m not yours.” He pauses, eyes lingering as he waits for you to say something. He’s not necessarily looking for a retort to his statement but…
“Anyway, you’re not mine either.” His gaze falls again, “Work things out with Namjoon, I guess. I still stand by what I’ve said. Your reasons feel…I guess it doesn’t matter. Since you’ve already decided, huh?”
You can’t really focus on Jimin’s face. Your eyes roam around the bar, your entire body feeling on edge as you try to create some sort of response. You aren’t sure what words to pull from thin air, good ones, bad ones, neutral ones. You aren’t sure what words are even considered good or bad. Hell, even neutral.
Hoseok’s right though…you aren’t this dumb. You know deep down you have already pieced this together yet you continue to ask Jimin to clarify. Probably your own insecurities coming back to haunt you time and time again. You continue to look away from him, still debating in your mind how to go about this. He wanted to talk to you after discussing thing’s with Hoseok…your best friend even said there’s more Jimin needs to say. Jimin admitted he has selfish reasons for not wanting you to be with Namjoon and on top of everything, he told you he knows exactly what sex meant with you.
The sex you two shared is something he told you is rare—but what exactly did it mean to him? You can assume all day but your heart that guards itself, your heart that still drowns in a pool of fears, your heart that once belonged to him…is afraid and needing a clear answer.
You bring yourself to take a deep breath and look at him again. You see he is already looking at you, his eyes studying you like he’s trying to rack your brain for your thoughts. There’s an uncomfortable atmosphere surrounding the two of you, air heavy with looming nightmares. Both scared and both hopeful—at least, you think.
“Jimin.” You say his name as you’ve always have but a hint of caution can be heard.
“Yeah?” He swallows hard, heart thumping in nerves.
“Do you…” You gaze at him carefully, unaware of how your pausing is making him lose his mind. “Do you still…” You pause again, once again careful as you approach this…Jimin swallowing once more but this time instead of spit it almost tastes like puke. “Do you still have feelings for me?”
No sudden wide eyes, no sudden lips parting in shock…instead you see the expression of a man who is experiencing something close to relief, like he’s been wanting you to ask this question. But then he’s trying to understand your question more and more…processing each and every word.
“Still?” He asks, appearing almost thoughtful before he’s slightly shaking his head and looking into your eyes more seriously. And then you see the expression of a man who has come to his final conclusion and you see the heart of a man who lacks contrition. “No.”
~~~
Well, that scene from last night keeps playing over and over in your messy mind. You sit here on your sofa, staring at your black screen TV, eyes going in and out of focus as the scene starts over again—
“What…what do you mean by that?” You ask Jimin as directly as you can must—Well, you get it.
It plays again and you wonder in this messy mind of yours where it all went wrong. You let yourself have a little confidence in what you thought you knew but you were so fucking wrong. You thought…shit, you were so sure that’s where everything was going—that’s what was adding up. Your gut told you he still had feelings for you and you decided to trust it…and wow, what a mistake that was.
Maybe you should have waited for an explanation of sorts, Jimin’s mouth opened again like he was about to tell you something and his eyes screamed that it was important but you never got around to it, your own reaction to his ‘no’ became overwhelming. But…what exactly were you expecting? For him to start nodding his head frantically with a giant smile on his face as he chants, ‘Yes, I still love you! I love you. I love you. I love you.’
Feeling embarrassed, you lean back onto your sofa, eyes still unfocused as your mind just shows you his face. When he said ‘no’ (a word you selfishly were not expecting) your body moved on its own. You almost felt the shock of his simple two lettered word—the word alone made you feel your heart drop down into your lower belly and you felt it begin the disintegration process. Your eyes repeatedly blinked at him, expression obvious that you were trying to process what he said—but how hard is to process one simple word like that?
Then boom. You were gone. Lost in the crowd as you slipped away from Jimin’s view. He didn’t go after you, running towards you in desperation. No, his feet stayed planted to the ground, eyes going to the bartender when he raised his hand for another drink.
Do you feel silly? Sure, maybe, yes. Embarrassed? Maybe, yes, sure. For more than one reason…for asking the question to begin with and for also running away like a coward. But you aren’t sure what you were expecting from any of this—no matter his answer. You wish this was the only thing taking over your mind but somewhere else in the foreground is another face. Namjoon’s face. And speak of the devil (more like angel, let’s be honest) you can hear soft knocking on your front door—the moment has arrived—time to talk to Namjoon.
You’re debating now if you actually want to get up and answer the door—the door that he is on the other side of. You wish this conversation could have happened earlier, that last night’s events weren’t so fresh but unfortunately, this is the timeline. Reluctant, you finally rise from the sofa and go towards the door. You’re on deep breath number 16 before you finally reach for the door knob and open up for Namjoon.
“Hey, beautiful.” He greets you, voice sounding far because of the fat droplets of rain falling all around him. He stands here, hair still drying from his shower…or maybe it’s gotten damp again thanks to the weather. He is wearing a gray pullover wrapped around his torso and he looks so warm and cozy for this rainy day. “What a day, huh?” He glances around him, smile on his face as he admires the gloominess. Maybe you’re the only one who recognizes the gloom though.
“Yeah.” You offer him a weak excuse of a smile. “Come in, come in.”
“Sorry, it took me a little longer to get here,” Namjoon looks at you over his shoulder as he slips his shoes off, “I had to stop because there was a little row of baby ducks trying to cross the road!”
“Baby ducks?” You walk ahead of him now, finding a place on your sofa. “That’s cute.”
“I thought it was cute too,” Namjoon grins to himself before he walks into your living room as well, “But I didn’t see their mom anywhere! So I got out and I tried leading them to the other side of the road…” He takes a seat next to you, leans in to plant a kiss to your temple. “But I must have startled them so they waddled back to the side they came from.”
You can’t help but snort, lips lifting into a more believable smile. “I wish I could have seen that.”
“I think the other three cars passing by and honking at me was enough.” Namjoon’s sheepish expression is enough to make you laugh a little. Settling down, you gaze at him for a moment.
“You seem like you’re in a better mood since the last time I saw you.” You tell him, eyes dressed in wonder. “Did some things get resolved?”
At this, Namjoon lips break apart, a look of surprise before he’s looking down at his hands with an interesting smile growing on his face. Interesting because his smile is always so genuine but this feels beyond that—beyond genuine—beyond happy, beyond peace, beyond fulfilment.
“Yeah, I guess, I kind of had a bit of a break through with Emiko last night.” He says. “I told you that this past week was rough for me…for her, too. Her uh, her own personal stuff going on.” His eyes meet yours as he continues to explain, a softness in his irises. “She wasn’t letting me in and it was so…well, it was rough for me, you know? I’ve known her my whole life basically and it hurt that she was pushing me away.”
“I get that.” You lean back onto your sofa, back of your head melting into the cushion. “Sucks when someone you’re close to isn’t telling you everything.”
“Exactly!” Namjoon quietly blurts, “Anyway, last night I asked her to meet up and she did and we got to talking. She was having some issues with her boyfriend—ex boyfriend—and she didn’t want to involve me. I knew things weren’t great with them but she never gave up.”
“Sounds like a lot of couples, huh?”
“I guess so. But it’s important to know when to let things go.” He barely raises his shoulders for a shrug, “Human beings are brighter than we think,” He chuckles, “Deep down we are always aware of when it’s time to give up. But then it gets complex when we fight what we know…somehow believing we can change things. But we always know the truth.”
We always know the truth, huh?
“Anyway,” Namjoon bows his head as he rests his hands on either side of this thighs, fingers lightly gripping the ends of the couch cushions, “After everything he did to her,” Your eyes fall to his hand closest to you when you see his grip tighten. “She just…deserves good things only. I hope she realizes that now.” He raises his head again to glance at you. “She told me so many things and I think she feels freer now. And it’s crazy,” He exhales a long breath as he chuckles, “So do I. Knowing she will be okay now.”
You study him for a moment, seeing how his body relaxes at his own words. You can’t help the unavoidable smile that spreads on your lips. He’s truly a gem in this world and no matter what happens between you both…knowing him is a gift. He’s a person worth knowing. And your years long crush on him has also been so worth it.
“I’m glad things got better, Joon.” Your voice is sincere and he cracks another smile before appearing more satisfied.
“Well, and one of the ones who backed out on the summer book tour called yesterday and wanted back in—so I think that helps too.” He grins now. “Things are looking up again! Emiko sorted most the details but I’ll be busy here soon. We will be gone most of the summer. I even have a reading booked in September, the day of my birthday—the last one of the tour, too.” He laughs, “Emiko thought I would like that.”
“It’s your birthday yet you’re the one giving a gift. The gift of your words.” You smile at him, “Emiko knows you well, that seems right up your alley.”
Namjoon waves you off with a sheepish look, “It’s more selfish than that. It’s more like I get to force people to listen to me with no shame.”
“Well, I’m proud of you, Joon. This is a huge accomplishment, really.”
“Thanks, y/n.” Namjoon’s hand goes to your thigh when he offers a small squeeze in appreciation. “You’re one of the people who has motivated me so much. And your presence has been very needed in this time in my life.”
“H-How so?”
“I can feel your support radiating off your body, you know?” Namjoon fights back a grin, “I see the way you look at me…I can tell you mean everything you say to me. I feel it when you give your support. You’re warm. You’re comfort, even.”
You slowly lift your head from the couch cushion, eyes staying on his as you get hit with a pang of guilt. You called him here to tell him you want to be with him. You called him here to tell him the truth. You called him here to tell him everything. Come clean with it all before you see if he still wants you. But how could you be someone’s comfort if you’re ultimately their disappointment. Maybe even their regret.
“I-I’m not any of those things, Namjoon.” Your voice is almost silent. Almost because there is technically sound but even if there wasn’t…your expression tells all. Namjoon scoots closer to you, his thigh meeting yours like it’s greeting it with a long kiss.
“You are.” He tells you simply, “No use in telling me differently. Once I’ve decided something, that’s that. Emiko blames that mindset on me being a Virgo,” He shrugs. “Whatever that means.”
“Wow,” You respond in an airy chuckle.
“So how was your week?” Namjoon’s hand slides into yours. “I know I went on about myself…”
“You didn’t.” You assure him, “My week was…something. Lots of weird stuff going around with my friends apparently.”
“Like?”
“Like…” You nibble on your lips before your eyes expand comically, “Like holy shit! Apparently Naomi and Jeremy hooked up?! They were being so freaking weird at work and then last night so many bombs went off and—”
“You’re…” Namjoon blinks at you, eyebrows pinching together. “You’re surprised about that?”
“Wh…of course I am surprised about that?! Hoseok and I are shocked as hell. Like, you know them, right? Naomi. Jeremy. Picture them. Now picture them…together. Weird, right?!”
“Oh wow.” Namjoon breathes out, surprise lurking on his face.
“Oh wow is right, dude.”
“No…oh wow, because you are…how did you guys not know?” He starts laughing now, making you gasp out loud. “Oh come on, y/n. Wasn’t it so obvious?”
“How was that obvious?”
“Jeremy always hated Naomi’s ex—sorry, I forgot his name. And they’re always together. Like, always. Also, the way they bicker—isn’t that just flirting?”
“No, this is a shock!”
“The only thing shocking is that they only now just hooked up.” Namjoon contemplates in deep thought. “You sure it’s the first time?”
“Pretty sure…” You slouch your shoulders, small pout forming. “The way they acted all week towards each other kind of gives away how new this is to them…”
“Ah, okay.” He nods, “So…then what?”
“Well, they’re fighting. Naomi apparently actually loves his cringey poetry. And somehow they related that to my shoulder dance…anyway, not entirely sure what’s going on there but…” You bite down onto you bottom lip, a sincere thought pouring out of your mouth so suddenly, “I hope they work it out. I know how important they are to one another. If it’s being best friends or if it’s being a couple…I don’t know, I just hope they come together whichever way makes them happiest.”
“Hm. Yeah, I agree. I think what’s important here is that no matter the dynamic—they’re just in one another’s lives and are content with the place they’re in.”
“That’s…” You glance at Namjoon and you show him an appreciative smile. “That’s the perfect way to say it.”
Namjoon’s thumb starts stroking your skin as he nudges his shoulder with yours, “Well, anything else?”
“Yeah. You know Taehyung’s sister? Dae?” You wait for Namjoon to nod, “Well, Hoseok slept with her. They have a history though. And his dumbass bolted the morning after.”
“Ouch.” Namjoon cringes in his spot, “Not the best move.”
“Definitely not.” You snort. “He’s just afraid of too many things he doesn’t know.”
“Aren’t we all?” Namjoon ruminates.
“But I think if he just talks to her…they could work it out and something nice could come from all of this.” You sigh out, now worried about your best friend and his love life—probably a great way to avoid your own.
“Seems all your friends have been getting busy,” Namjoon jokes, “What about Taehyung?”
“Poor guy is the one most interested in finding the love of his life but not sure he’s gotten so lucky.”
“Well, sometimes we finally get the things we’ve been searching for if we stop looking so hard.”
“Tell him that.” You deadpan.
“I’ll try to remember.”
“But seriously…he’s a saint of a person. He’s going to make someone so happy one day and my only concern is that whoever that person is deserves it and makes him just as happy…if not more.”
“We always wish that for the people we care about.” Namjoon whispers, his eyes falling to his legs as he thinks of those that applies to in his own life and then he clears his throat, eyes back on you. “So, anything else?” He asks with a smile, his interest still intact.
His smile…his genuine smile. It’s enough for your own smile to get wiped off your face as you feel the truth start rising like bile in your throat. Your hand escapes his as you thread your fingers together and you try to calm your nerves that are exploding one at a time inside your body.
“Yeah.” You admit softly, “There is something else. But Namjoon,” Fuck, your voice cracks just the slightest and he’s already shifting his expression into one of concern. “It’s not great. It’s bad, probably—no, definitely.”
“Okay…” Namjoon’s one word spills out of his mouth slowly. He’s always so calm and collected but right now, as you glance at him, you think you see an ounce of worry. This only makes you feel worse.
“I have to tell you something. Something about me. Something that affects you.” You cower from his gaze.
“Okay.” He says again, much more firm. “y/n, you can tell me anything. The important that is that you tell me…whatever it is.”
You aren’t sure how to say it. Do you just come out with the truth, ‘I slept with Jimin.’ Or do you start from the beginning of the story and lead up to the fact that is beginning to haunt you? Both feel like the wrong answer. Both feel wrong because it is wrong. Maybe you aren’t exclusive but emotionally it was still wrong and your heart is decaying in your chest as you realize this. It’s wrong because the aftermath is still the same—Namjoon will not be happy—and because you care about him because you do, it’s going to fucking hurt.
“Namjoon.” You speak as if your own mouth is reluctant, going against you, even though telling the truth is the right thing.
“Hey,” Namjoon’s large hand grabs onto your thigh. “It’s okay. Just talk to me. Just say it however you need to.”
“Okay,” You gulp, “But if I say it for what it is…no matter what it is…would you allow me to explain?”
“Yeah.” He assures you, “I wouldn’t rob you of an explanation, y/n.”
You chuckle humorlessly at this, staring ahead, “Sometimes I wish you weren’t so perfect.”
“I’m not.” He sighs, but you hear the smile.
“I slept with Jimin.” You say, eyes focused on the TV screen. You don’t find the courage to glance at him to gauge his reaction but you do feel his hand slowly slipping away from your thigh and you’re left with a coldness where his fingers once were. “Last weekend.”
“Slept…with…Jimin…” Namjoon mumbles, more to himself, you think.
You finally turn your body to face him more, “Yeah.” You own up to it, eyes observing Namjoon as you see his brain search for more of a response. “Can I explain?” You ask as softly as you can and he finally meets your eyes, confusion grown so heavily in them as he nods his head.
“Last Friday, Jimin and I were hanging out and it wasn’t anything unusual.” You gaze at Namjoon, apology evident on your features. “I promise it wasn’t unusual…I didn’t know…I never intended…” You choke a little on your words because you aren’t sure what to think of what you’re even trying to say. “We were just hanging out and things—things escalated, obviously.” You wince at your own implication, “But it wasn’t…well, we ate these brownies…um, you know brownies with weed.”
“You guys ate edibles?” He asks quietly.
“Yes. And it just heightened everything and I don’t know, things just grew into so much more than I was ever thinking it would and—”
“So, you guys got high and had sex.” Namjoon points out the obvious, but his tone is not anywhere near sounding condescending. He sounds like he’s just trying his best to piece things together.
“Yeah.” You nod in agreement, “We did. And we also agreed it was a one-time thing…”
“And has it been a one time thing?” He gazes into your eyes, almost looking desperate for an answer.
“Mostly.”
“Mostly?” His brows pull together, “So, no?”
“Just…mostly. Listen, it won’t happen again.”
“It won’t?” Namjoon narrows his eyes at you, his expression has hardened but there is still a softness to him.
“I’ve decided what I want, Namjoon.” You stare at him with an obvious vulnerability and he picks up on it instantly. You take a deep breath before adding, “If we can work past this…” You suddenly feel stupid for asking what you’re about to ask because how selfish are you?
“Tell me what it is you’ve decided.” Namjoon softens more, eyes losing their edge as he gazes at you. “I’m listening.”
“You.” You whisper, “You’re an incredible person and I enjoy being with you…I feel good when I’m with you and you…” You lose your words as you see a smile—his genuine fucking smile.
“You’re wondering if we can still be together once we work past this, right?” His hands finds your thigh again, squeezing it. “But y/n…what exactly did you explain?”
“Huh?”
“You told me what happened, I guess. But where is the explanation for why—”
“The brownie!” You suddenly blurt.
“The brownie?” He shakes his head, still trying to hold his smile but you can see it waver. “No, come on,” His eyes glaze over in a need for more. “Why did you sleep with Jimin? Brownie or not, why did you feel the need to be with him like that?”
“I…” Your mouth falls open pathetically as you try to force words to come out of it but you are only capable of making ‘I’ drip from your lips repeatedly.
Namjoon tilts his head as he watches you, his once worried expression shifting into something more understanding. “Hey…” He squeezes your thigh again but you just blink at him, brain exhausting itself as you come up with your proper response. But his knowing smile is making your eyes sting a bit, thin layer of tears coating them and you choke on any letter that tries to make its way out of you.
“It’s okay.” He tells you, tender eyes on your face. “I get it.”
Get it? He doesn’t get it. You want to scream at him that whatever he thinks he gets—he doesn’t. Does anyone get it? Your eyes burn, your throat burns, your heart fucking burns. You have so many things you wish you could say but you don’t know how. You don’t fucking know how. You drop your shoulders, feeling the weight of everything at once. You feel the shame weighing down your body, pound by pound.
“I’m sorry.” Coherent words finally manage to leave you. “I’m so sorry.”
Namjoon can feel his heart hurting as he stares at you, “It’s okay.” He whispers.
“It’s not.” You plead, “I know you’re so disappointed in me, or mad, or anything and I get it. I deserve that but please, Namjoon, I am so sorry. At least take that. Take my apology.” Your voice cracks throughout and you hate appearing this way but it’s just your heart speaking at this point.
“I’m not mad, y/n.” He tells you softly, “I’m not disappointed in you. I’m not.”
“Could we work through this and—”
“But…” He stops you from finishing that thought, his hands finally going back to his own lap. “I told you earlier that humans are brighter than we think…that we make things more complex for thinking we can change things that we can’t. I’d like to think I’m a little wise, sometimes.” He chuckles but his eyes are a little glassy. “I think I’m one who knows when to let things go and give up.”
“Namjoon—”
“Hey,” Namjoon reaches for your cheek, his fingers brushing against it softly, “Stop looking so guilty,” He laughs. “It’s okay.”
Your body shakes from even more guilt, your eyes stinging as you’re dangerously close to actually crying.
“Never feel bad for how you feel. Your feelings won’t align with every person. You can’t always please every person—because then you, the person who matters most, is the one who won’t be pleased.”
Your chest tightens and your face twists into something devastated before you finally close your eyes and let yourself cry. “I’m sorry.” You choke.
“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Namjoon leans into you, his arms wrapping around your body as he pulls you closer to his chest. You were right, his gray pullover is warm and cozy. He gently removes himself from you and meets your blurry gaze. “No regrets, y/n. I’m glad we did this even if it’s over now…I still got to know you more and we’ve become closer. I’m grateful for that. We’re friends, okay?”
You search his eyes, your frantic, afraid ones looking into his so helplessly but you only see his sincerity.
“I’m going to head home…if you don’t mind.” He tries to smile for you.
“Of—Of course.” You swallow down the millions of things you want to say to him. The biggest thing being ‘Thank you.’
Namjoon stands from your couch and starts heading towards your front door to slip his shoes back on…you follow behind him quietly. He opens the door and the sound of rain pouring echoes in both of your ears. He turns around quickly to say his goodbyes, your red eyes making him feel sad but he remains strong as he finally takes his leave. You shut the door behind him and he flinches at the sound, even though the click of the door was as soft as you, but just like you, the impact is huge.
He releases a long breath as his eyes study the gray sky. He’s starting to notice the gloom in this rainy day. The repetitive sound of rain falling from the heavens isn’t enough to drown out his current thoughts—his praise to himself that he remained strong even though his heart is feeling weak. But he wonders if being strong is what he did—maybe true strength is his own honesty. Suddenly, Namjoon twists his body in his spot and knocks on your door. His heart feels weak, heavy even but this sudden courage is the thing giving it new strength.
“Joon?” You say his name in question as you open the door for him again, he doesn’t move from his spot. Just the image of him, standing at your doorway with rain falling all around him.
“Can I vent?” He asks you, voice sure of what he wants to say.
You relax your body as you nod your head. “Of course.”
“I’m not mad at you, y/n. I’m not disappointed in you.” He begins, his tone as soft as always. “But I am disappointed. I like you. I’m sad.” He admits almost ashamed. “I’m sad because you found what I wanted you to have with me…with someone else. But I’m not mad about it. No, in the story of your life this makes sense, I guess. And in the story of my life, I’m wondering what’s going to make sense for me. I just have to wait.” He shrugs shyly and your heart pinches. “To be honest with you…I thought this summer I was going to figure out how to make a temporary long distance work with you but instead I’ll be figuring out how to get over you.”
“I’m sorry…” You feel yourself shrink. “I don’t want you to be—”
“You’re my friend, y/n. And I got the privilege of knowing what it’s like to have more with you. Just because this aspect of our relationship is over doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I value you too much to let go of this all the way. But forgive me for a while…” He pauses, trying his best not to grow emotional. “If I bask in this time away from you. Maybe I’ll need it.”
“I’d for—forgive you for anything, Joon.” You bite your bottom lip. “Take all the time you need. I’m here whenever you need me, please know that.”
“I do know that. Thanks for everything, y/n.”
“Thank you. Thank you, Joon. Thank you because I’m learning something even in this moment…” Your eyes water as you show him a shameless smile.
“And what’s that?” His lips curl into a small grin.
“This experience has shown me I can love again. I can. Thank you. It might not be the way I thought but…”
Namjoon expression morphs into the perfect pity smile. “You’re on the list of people who I hope finds the perfect happiness, y/n.”
“You too.” You watch as he nods, turning around to take his leave and his broad back is in view. He stands here, eyes on the sky and you think he is finally recognizing the gloom of this rainy day.
~~~
“Damn.” Hoseok says on the other line, “You know I want to, y/n. But I’m trying to sort out my own messy shit too.” He sighs, “I don’t know. Maybe I can just talk to Dae tomorrow…I just feel bad making her wait—”
“No,” You cut him off, “Don’t make her wait. I get it. I can handle one night on my own, you know, believe it or not.” You attempt laughing but Hoseok groans.
“I do believe it and that’s the problem! You’re actually reaching out and I’m rejecting you.”
“You don’t have to make it sound that dramatic.” You deadpan. “Come on, it’s okay. We can celebrate the end of my life another time. I’ll just throw a pity party for one in the meantime.”
“And you call me dramatic.” Hoseok huffs out, “Listen, I would love to be with you tonight but Dae already said she would come over soon so we can talk and honestly? I’m so fucking nervous, dude.”
You start smiling to yourself, feeling proud Hoseok is going through with this. “You like her, right?”
He’s silent on the other end. “Come on, Hoseok.” You laugh. “Admit this one, won’t you?”
“Fine, yeah, maybe.”
“And doesn’t it feel pretty good that you have a pretty good idea how she feels? She’s not leaving you wondering. Now you’re the one doing that to her.”
“Shit…” He grumbles to himself. “I hate that you’re kind of right. Anyway, I’m just going to try and do what feels right. I’ll let you know later how it goes.”
“Good. So if Dae is going over then…”
“Taehyung is with him.” Hoseok’s tone is soft now. “After you left last night…Jimin seemed…well, he didn’t tell me what happened.”
“I already told you.” You hold the phone closer to your face, as if anyone else would hear you. “I basically got ahead of myself.”
“But what does that mean?”
“It means I’m back to my no luck streak.” You chuckle. “But it seems you might be starting a good luck one. Make things right with Dae, Hobi. Call me later, okay?”
“Okay. Bye, y/n. Love you with all my heart.”
“I know. Love you too.” You say before bringing the phone down to your lap and touching the end button. You check the rest of your notifications when you see a text from Naomi and also a text from Jeremy—separate chats, of course.
Naomi 8:04pm
I’ll explain everything tomorrow. I’m visiting my parents right now but I’ll be home again sometime tomorrow afternoon. Also!! If Jeremy asks if you know where I am say you don’t know, I’m trying to seem like I mysteriously vanished.
Jeremy 8:47pm
Have u heard from Naomi
Jeremy 8:49pm
I went by her place but I don’t think she’s home……
You read over the texts before deciding to just click your phone off and worry about your own problems—at least for tonight. You stand and walk towards your bathroom, flipping on the light switch and externally groan when you see your reflection. Swollen eyes and an exhausted expression written all of your face. You look like you’re on the verge of an emotional breakdown and maybe you are. What a weekend so far, you think to yourself.
You don’t fix your make up or do anything with your hair or even change out of your clothes—an oversized t shirt with a picture of Shrek’s face and the caption ‘so shrekxy’ and a pair of comfy shorts. In your opinion, this is the perfect look to have an emotional breakdown in.
You give yourself an encouraging nod and thumbs up in the mirror before you decide it’s time to get the party started—the pity party.
~
“You’re scaring away my customers, y/n.” Your old college pal Lorenzo tells you sternly as he dries yet another glass. “If you’re going to be a cry baby, go home.”
You lift your head from the bar top, tired eyes on Lorenzo. He isn’t actually kicking you out, you know this. You rarely get to come to his small bar across town since the last time you came, over two years ago, he and your dearest friend Hobi got into some ridiculous fight. Hoseok’s pride took over and swore he would never come back here again. You try to visit every now and then though even if it’s by yourself.
“A cry baby?” You mumble, eyes filling with tears again and Lorenzo rolls his eyes.
“Not again…”
“Excuse me miss—”
You whip your head to the left to see a man standing next to you, he’s probably around your age, probably not hideous looking but you’re in no mood.
“What?” You snap, a small hiccup leaving your mouth. “Want to buy me a drink?” You accuse him before running the back of your hand to wipe the snot at your nose.
“Uh, I was—”
“I hate to break it to you, buddy.” You cut in, “Love isn’t real. Not sure anything is real. I think—”
“No…” The guy pales, his hands raised in surrender before he’s gesturing towards the chair next to you. “I was going to ask if anyone was using this chair…” Then he glances behind him at his group of friends at a table nearby. “We need an extra chair….”
You blink at him lazily, processing the situation before you nod along. “Right. Right. Whatever, take it.” You wave him off as if you shouldn’t be totally humiliated. You shrug to yourself before resting your head against the bar top again and mumbling to yourself about the concept of love. It’s been rough.
This is beyond moping. Namjoon ended things with you and Jimin doesn’t have feelings for you. Both suck. For different reasons. But the latter hurts just a smidge more. And you’re deciding if you’re a bitch for that.
“Whatever’s wrong, y/n. Things will get better.” Lorenzo tries to comfort you but this isn’t his strong suit.
“Whatever’s wrong, y/n.” You start to mock him, head lightly banging on the wood. “Things will get bet—when Lorenzo?!” You dramatically cry out, once again mumbling to yourself about love and all its hardships.
“Hey man.” You hear a new voice on your right side but you continue to live your life. “The usual please.”
“Rough day?” Lorenzo asks the newcomer. “Don’t tell me it’s another disaster date, man.” He tells the new guy, “Two weekends in a row?”
“I remember those.” You mumble in your arms. “Then I had great dates—but I went and ruined that too!” You whine, head hitting the bar top again.
“Damn…” The new guy begins but pauses, you’re sure you feel his eyes on you. “Isn’t there like, a limit, dude? Where you cut people off?” You’re sure he’s asking Lorenzo this.
You lift your head and your swollen eyes find Lorenzo already staring at you. “I wish she was wasted, dude. This is just a mental breakdown. The glass is water.” He says with a straight face.
“Mental breakdown?” The guy next to you repeats Lorenzo’s words thoughtfully, “Perfect. I will have a glass of water too then. I’m also ready for a mental breakdown.”
Is he…making fun of you? You are in no state to get made fun of! You finally lift yourself from the bar top and turn your bar stool in this stranger’s direction. As soon as you face him, you lift your pointer finger up, ready to scold him. “I’ll have you know—” But you stop mid-sentence, eyes slightly expanding as you eye the man over.
“y/n???” The guy looks at you wide eyed. You blink at him a few times before realization is actually hitting you. Your eyes scan him over and you’re comparing what he looks like now and over five years ago. Way more tattoos than you remember and hair shorter than it was in college.
“Jungkook?” You gape at him. “Jeon Jungkook???”
His surprised expression finally relaxes and his lips curl into a smirk, “How was the brownie? Jimin said he was going to share some with you and your friends.”
“Ah, yes.” You slump your shoulders, spinning forward in the chair again. “So you’re to blame. This is all because of the brownie…the brownie you provided.”
“Huh?” Jungkook’s doe eyes look even larger as he tries to figure out how this turned into something bad that he did.
“Maybe you are a girlfriend stealer.” You sniffle to yourself, “Thanks to that brownie you stole away my chance at being a girlfriend.”
“I can’t emphasize enough how confused I am.” Jungkook turns towards Lorenzo, “But please make my usual and that water, I am also needing a mental breakdown. So,” Jungkook turns back towards you, “Rough day?”
“Rough life.” You murmur, head tilting towards him and he grins at you.
“Can’t be worse than mine.”
“You’re smiling about that?” You give him a disturbed expression, “But in the last 24 hours I’ve gotten dumped by two guys.”
Jungkook nods along to your words as he sits down in the chair next to you, once he gets comfortable he offers some strange looking smile. You narrow your eyes at him.
“What?” You ask cautiously.
“I just fled a date—yes, fled—with a girl who psychoanalyzed me in the first 15 minutes,” Then he sighs, “What’s worse is everything she said was right.” He starts laughing now, his front teeth poking out between his lips adorably. “Before she even properly introduced herself she looked me over and goes, ‘mm, yeah, mommy issues.’” He says in a sassy, feminine voice. “Can you believe it?”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” Jungkook agrees with you, “But it gets worse.”
“It gets…worse?”
“Not even 10 minutes later in she goes,” He gets back into his female persona, “Oh yeah, daddy issues too.”
“Damn.” You can’t help but laugh a little. “She read you for filth, huh?”
“You should have seen her face! It’s like when she made these realizations, I could see literal excitement behind her eyes.”
“She likes a boy with baggage.” You shrug, “Is there a kink for that?”
“Probably. Her porn search history is probably ‘boy who purposely seeks mental breakdowns’ or ‘boys with all the issues’”
You snort at this, “I’m laughing at the purposely seeking mental breakdowns one.”
“Speaking of,” Lorenzo slides a mixed drink over to Jungkook. “Enjoy. And also, let me hook you up with my cousin already.”
“Your cousin is married, Lorenzo.” Jungkook rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he stares at you, silently asking if you believe this guy.
“Yeah but we hate him!”
“At least try to hook me up with y/n first.” He glances at you with a sly grin. “You are single.”
“Thanks for the reminder.”
“Anyway, you’re not drinking at all though?” Jungkook asks you, “Want something? I’ll buy since I apparently ruined your life with the brownie I provided.”
“Ha!” You raise your arms above your head in a stretch, “My emotional state plus alcohol? That’s a recipe for disaster!”
20 Minutes Later
“And yeah,” you lightly slam your now empty shot glass down to the bar top, it joins the other two empty shot glasses. “That’s how I got dumped by two guys in 24 hours.”
“Damn,” Jungkook throws his shot of liquor back as well. “That is rough.”
You ended up spilling your entire sob story to Jungkook and in return he complained about several things going on with him as well. You two talked and talked and eventually switched over to mixed drinks. He explained his strained relationship with his parents and his shitty luck with almost anything in his life.
“But actually,” Jungkook slightly slurs before he grins proudly to himself, “I’ve actually taken a little opportunity to get away from my parents for a while.”
“Really?”
“Mhm. Well, my dad’s company—where I work—wait, shit did I call it my dad’s company? Sorry, I meant my parent’s company.” He starts snickering, “My mom would kill me if I excluded her in that and only gave credit to my father. Not sure what she actually contributes though…”
“You mean besides the emotional trauma?” You drunkenly joke.
“You’re right.” Jungkook nods quickly. “How could I forget about that…so, she really does work hard.” He can’t help but break out into a deep, rumbling laughter that he feels in his entire body.
Your eyes widen a little, “Wait, maybe we shouldn’t joke about that.”
“Why not?” Jungkook reaches for his drink and takes a generous sip. “Joking is how I cope.”
“Ah, this is why we got along in college.”
“It was also because you were hot.”
“Anyway.”
“So, back to you.” Jungkook takes another sip of his drink.
“Me? Why don’t we get Lorenzo to tell us his life problems instead?” You whine, but you hear Lorenzo speak up immediately.
“Leave me out of your little sob fest. Some of us actually have serotonin running through our bodies.” He shakes his head at you and Jungkook but you can see a small, smart ass smile on his face.
“Come on, y/n.” Jungkook places his drink back down, his head resting in his hand. “You’re sad about two guys right now, right? But let’s be real, one is making you a whole lot sadder than the other.”
You narrow your eyes at Jungkook before scoffing, “I mean, I guess. But I’m sad for different reasons.”
“Different reasons?”
“Namjoon…I’m sad because I feel bad. Like shit, actually. I feel like I disappointed someone so great and I don’t want him to hurt. I messed it up.”
“And Jimin?”
“I don’t know.”
“You do.”
You roll your eyes at this, “Okay. I’m sad because he doesn’t have feelings for me.”
“And why does that make you feel sad?”
“I don’t know.”
“You do.”
You glare at Jungkook now.
He laughs a little, “Listen, I don’t think you’re a bad or selfish person, y/n, right? You’re not so conceited that you’re sad about someone not having romantic feelings for you.”
You’re quiet.
“You’re sad because that someone isn’t returning your romantic feelings for them.”
You raise a brow at Jungkook, holding in another scoff, “Who’s psychoanalyzing now?”
“You’re avoiding.” He tells you simply. “Why?”
“Why…?” You repeat his question and your hazy brain is surprisingly capable of reminding you why.
“I told you that you’re afraid of having a love again like what you had with me and you said ‘maybe’ but I think the thing you’re afraid of is me.” Jimin’s eyes bore into yours, his gaze so intense as they gloss over. “And,” He gulps. “I fucking get it. Because I,” He pauses, gaze still set on you as he tries to push down his emotions. “I am also so fucking afraid of you.”
“I’m afraid.” You tell Jungkook, eyes ahead, unfocused as you stare at nothing.
“Afraid? That’s it? y/n…” He drags out your name, almost in the tune of song you might recognize. “I have mommy and daddy issues.” He points out with a smirk, “If I can juggle two things and still get out there then you can handle your one.”
You keep staring ahead before you start chuckling, “Lorenzo,” You call out for your old friend. “Another round of shots!”
~
Jungkook’s loud laughter is ringing in your ears but your own witch like cackle isn’t any better. Lorenzo watches the two of you as he dries more glasses from the night, laughing to himself as you and Jungkook are both unaware that he switched you guys to water over an hour ago.
“But seriously, y/n.” Jungkook tries to calm himself from laughing about…whatever it is someone said that you two found hilarious. “After everything you’ve told me about this whole Jimin thing and all your fears and insecurities…doesn’t it sound like you should just,” He pauses to burp, “Sorry, but anyway, shouldn’t you just like, go to therapy?”
“Therapy?” You slur, “You’re one to talk!” You shove his shoulder with your hand. “I’ll go to therapy if you go to therapy for the fact that your dad didn’t talk to you for two years because you didn’t want to join his company!”
“I went to my own brain therapy!” Jungkook sings out, “I’m basically cured.”
“What the hell is brain therapy?”
“The therapy in my own brain where I talk to Dr. Jeon.” Jungkook smirks at you, “He’s a sexy doctor.”
“He sounds made up.”
“He’s me?”
“Yeah.” You give a curt nod. “A you that doesn’t exist. Are you actually a doctor?”
“Well, no.”
“Exactly.”
“Well, at least I’m trying! What are you doing to end all of those insecurities and fears you have?!” Jungkook drunkenly shouts at you, despite being a foot away.
“Oh my god, you guys are so drunk.” Lorenzo shakes his head. “Order a ride soon, we closed 20 minutes ago.”
“I’m trying too!” You shout back, words slurred.
“How?!”
“I don’t know!”
“Okay, okay.” Jungkook’s hand goes to the back of your chair, “You just, listen, y/n, you just got to like, listen, okay?”
“Yeah.” You nod.
“Okay, great, listen, okay?”
“Exactly.” You say.
“Okay, so basically, like, just listen really quick, I have the answers—”
“Yes.”
“Okay, good, listen—“
“Tell her the fucking point already, dude.” Lorenzo drags a hand down his tired face.
“Were you not listening?” You look at Lorenzo, “He was doing that.”
“I’m just going to order the ride for you guys.” Lorenzo nods to himself as he brings his phone out.
“y/n.” Jungkook gets your attention again.
“Hm?” You lazily blink at him, your eyes glassy and far away from this world.
“You got to just really end all of these fears of yours. They’re holding you back and for what? Why do you, why do you, why do you….”
“Jungkook.”
“Right.” Jungkook nods. “Why do you want…honestly I forgot what I was saying.”
“Me too.” You tell him. “Wait, it was about me ending my fears. And you’re right.” You sigh out, legs swinging as you pout to yourself. “I’m letting all these bad things dictate how I live myself.”
“Exactly!” Jungkook yells out, “You’re afraid and insecure and not to mention apparently in a one sided love.”
“I don’t want to remember that.”
Lorenzo laughs at this, “Don’t worry, you’re drunk enough you really might forget.”
“y/n!” Jungkook grabs you by the shoulders and his eyes bore into yours. “I know everything inside your head now.” He tells you, “And I think you just need to make him fall in love with you! But first, allow yourself to love him too!”
“You’re crazy!” You start giggling. “But also, maybe you’re right.”
“End these insecurities! End these fears! End that voice in your head discouraging you! End it all!” Jungkook cheers loudly and you start feeling hyped up thanks to him.
“You’re right!!!! I’m going to end it all!” You start cheering along with Jungkook, both of you raising your drinks in celebration.
“To ending it all!!!!”
As soon as you take a sip of your drink, giving a satisfied ‘Ahh’ even though it’s just….water. You pull out your phone and search for Jimin’s name in your text threads. You want him to know you can overcome this fear. You will end these horrible thoughts telling you that you could never be happy again. You press ‘send’ on the text you just wrote and slide your phone in your purse, feeling more than satisfied.
“I’m going to overcome this,” you say a bit softer, “And I’m going to have Jimin fall in love with me!”
Sober you is probably going to really question where all of this is coming from.
“That’s the spirit!” Jungkook fists pump the air before he’s turning towards Lorenzo. “But if it doesn’t work out with Jimin, hit me up. Anywho, buddy, another round of shots, please.”
“Another? Round of…? You know what, sure.” Lorenzo nods, taking two shot glasses and filling them with water. “Here ya go.”
“Cheers!” You and Jungkook shout in unison, clinking your glasses together and downing the shots.
“Ouch,” Jungkook rubs his throat before winking at Lorenzo, “This stuff burns! You’re not giving us the cheap stuff, right?”
“Totally.” Lorenzo nods his head with a straight face.
“Party, party!” You sing to yourself, slurring every word.
“Party, party, yeah.” Jungkook nods in agreement.
You and Jungkook talk and laugh for another 45 minutes before Lorenzo tells you both that it’s time to go home. He escorts the both of you outside and tells you a ride will be here for you soon. You sway in your spot, shoulder bumping into Jungkook every now and then and he giggles.
“This looks a bit better than your mental breakdown earlier.” Jungkook tells you.
“Yeah.” You agree quietly, your eyelids feeling so heavy—along with every limb on your body. “I think you really helped me sort some things out.”
“It’s okay to be sad for a little bit,” Jungkook stares ahead at the empty parking lot. “But if there’s solutions, you should take some time to try to find them.”
“Hm.”
“And y/n?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s always solutions.” Jungkook chuckles to himself, “Whether it be your sexy brain doctor that’s just you playing dress up. Which would be really hot by the way.”
“Shut up.”
“Sorry.”
“But you’re right. Thanks, Jungkook.” You squint your eyes when you see a car approaching the two of you, the headlights almost blinding.
“Let’s get you home.”
~
The driver pulls up to your apartment complex and you struggle to open your eyes but Jungkook’s insistent nudging is enough to make you groan out loud.
“What?” You whine out, “What is it?”
“Is this the right address? This is your apartment?” He gestures out the window for you to look.
“Oh, yeah.” You glance around, “I live here.”
“Okay, I’ll walk you to your door. Come on,” Jungkook opens the door and slides out, extending his hand for you to take it so he can help you out of the car. “I’ll be back, man!” Jungkook tells the driver.
“Home sweet home.” You slur, your arm wrapping around Jungkook’s waist as you try to walk forward. “That building is mine, I live like right there.” You point, “First floor.”
“Cool.” Jungkook’s arm goes around your shoulder. “Don’t walk too fast, you’ll trip.”
“If I trip, you’d probably fall with me.”
“Exactly.” Jungkook shudders, “I can’t injure another ankle!”
“Ouchie.” You give him your sympathy. “Almost there.”
You walk towards your building and you see your door in sight and you have never felt more elated. You’re going to sleep so fucking good. As you two get closer to your door, you start to make out two bodies coming near you and possibly the sound of your name being said over and over.
You raise a fist to your eyes as you rub them in hopes you’ll be able to see better, vision looking a little clearer as you realize two bodies are coming towards you.
And suddenly your face is being cradled by a pair of hands you instantly recognize, the soft feeling all too familiar.
“Jimin?” You slur, eyes opening wider as you realize Jimin is in front of you, hands on your face as he inspects you from head to toe.
“Are you okay?” He breathes out roughly, “Are you alright? y/n?”
“Am I alright?” You tear your eyes off him to look around you, Jungkook off to your side when you see he’s talking to Taehyung who looks as worried as Jimin.
“Why have you not been answering your phone? I’ve been texting and calling you like fucking crazy.” Jimin’s hands haven’t left your face. His fingers brushing your cheeks in a repetitive motion. “You’ve had me so fucking worried. Where’s your phone?”
“My phone?” You blink at him in confusion. “Uh,” You lift your purse between your bodies. “In here.”
Jimin exhales a deep, deep breath before his forehead sticks to yours. “Tell me you’re okay.”
“I’m…I’m okay.” You try to assure him. “What’s going on?”
“Your text.” He tells you, peeling himself away from you.
“Huh?” You bring your purse closer to you, hand digging around to find your phone. When you grab it, you click it on and see…a lot of notifications.
Jimin
66 unread messages
Jimin
34 missed calls
Taehyung
23 missed calls
Hobi:))
49 missed calls
Hobi:))
114 unread messages
You click your phone off, gulping as you stare at Jimin. “What exactly happened?”
“What happened?” Jimin looks at you incredulously. “You sent this fucking message and then went MIA! I had to call Hoseok and see if he’s heard from you or knew where you were…but shit, you couldn’t have checked your phone?!”
“What message?” You tilt your head, “Jungkook, you let me drunk text?!”
“Jungkook?” Jimin squints his eyes at you before his head turns in Jungkook and Taehyung’s direction. As if realizing for the first time that Jungkook is even here. “Why are you with Jungkook?”
Jungkook comes next to you, “Hey man.” He greets Jimin with a drunken smirk, “What’s this about a drunk text?”
“This.” Jimin holds his phone out to both of you. You and Jungkook lean in and try to read the message.
y/n 🥰 2:22am
im gonna end it all
“Damn, y/n.” Jungkook looks at you, “That’s kind of dark.”
“Huh? No, I’m clearly talking about ending all the things we said.” You tell Jungkook, “Ending my insecurities and fears and stuff. I just wanted to give Jimin the good news…”
“You told him?! Wow, proud of you.” Jungkook grins, raising his hand up for a high five which you gladly give him even though you completely missed his hand. ”Look at us, maybe we don’t need therapy after all.”
“We’re basically each other’s therapists!” You squeal excitedly, “It’s better than your imaginary doctor self, right?”
“Hmm,” Jungkook nods but he’s contemplating. “I don’t kn—”
“What the hell is going on here?” Jimin cuts you two off from more drunken conversation. “Why are you even with Jungkook?”
“Why…?” You glance between the two guys, noticing how Taehyung has come to Jimin’s side. “Because we were hanging out.”
“Why?” Jimin looks between you and Jungkook, a concern look on his face.
“Because…” You start trying to think of your answer. It is kind of crazy how you and Jungkook ended up meeting tonight and hanging out. You both spilled all of your thoughts and feelings and it honestly has felt so liberating. It’s like Jungkook was inside your head all night, he was inside your heart, just so completely inside you, knowing everything about you. “He was inside me tonight.” You say with a soft, genuine smile while everyone else chokes on their spits.
“W-What?” Jimin coughs, “Just…what?”
“It’s like…he came inside me…and…” And he understood every thought and feeling.
“He what inside you?!” Taehyung shouts, his jaw threatening to fall to the ground.
“Ya heard her.” Jungkook drapes an arm over your shoulder. “We’re connected now.” He smirks at Jimin and Taehyung, his head glancing behind him quickly before he looks at Jimin and Taehyung again—then his head whipping behind him again. “Wait, shit. The driver left.”
“I can give you a ride.” Taehyung shakes his head as a smile tugs at his lips. “Jimin are you…?”
“I’ll stay with her for a while.” Jimin’s eyes are on you only, his gaze as intense and worried as 5 minutes ago “That’s okay, y/n?”
“Hm? Yeah, it’s okay.” You nod, shrugging yourself out of Jungkook’s hold as you step closer to Jimin. “I—”
“I’m going to call Hoseok, hold on.” Jimin sighs out, tapping on his screen. “He was fucking worried too, y/n. He wanted to come here to find you but I told him I’d take care of it. But I also told him I’d keep him in the loop.”
“I don’t even want to know what his texts say.” You slump your shoulders. “But I know he called me a ‘dumbass’ in at least half of them.”
Jimin just looks at you, eyes still pooled with his concern but he tries to ease his worries since he sees you in front of him now. He brings the phone to his ear and waits for Hoseok to answer and on the third ring, he does.
“Hey. Yeah, she’s here. Yup, drunk off her ass.” Jimin’s eyes slide over to you again, “I know. Apparently it was a misunderstanding…I don’t really know. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I’ll tell her. Right now?” Jimin exhales a deep sigh, “Okay.” He nods before lowering the phone to his shoulder as he directs his words towards you now. “y/n.”
“Yeah?”
“Hoseok told me to tell you…”
“What?”
“That you’re a dumbass.” Jimin says with a straight face before bringing the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, I told her. She uh, kind of just nodded like she’s aware. Mhm. Okay, I’ll talk to you later man. Thanks. Yeah, thanks. See ya.”
“Well, I guess we’re going to head out then.” Taehyung says before coming towards you, scooping you up in his arms and squeezing you to his body. “Don’t worry us anymore, okay?”
“Sorry, sorry.” You mumble in his chest. Taehyung releases you and pouts.
“If anything bad happens to you, you realize me and Jimin would physically feel it, right?”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, since we’re soulmates.” Taehyung says matter of fact. “Like, I’m pretty sure if you hurt your wrist, my own wrist would also start hurting.”
“I forgot how fucking weird Taehyung is about the three of you.” Jungkook stares at his friend with wide eyes. “Let’s go, dude. I need fast food before sleeping.”
“Alright, alright.” Taehyung grins but then his expression grows soft as he leans into your ear, “And when your heart hurts, mine also hurts. Same goes for Jimin. Let’s be happier, okay?”
Taehyung leans away from you and you feel your eyes water immediately and you drunkenly pout at him, “Taehyung.” You cry out dramatically.
“y/n!” Taehyung dramatically calls out your name as well before crushing your body again with another hug.
Jimin smiles a little at the interaction before trying to shoo his friends away.
“Bye guys!” Jungkook sings out, “Bye bye y/n!”
“Bye!”
~
You and Jimin sit on your couch, laying back on it as your eyelids feel so heavy again. Your entire body is ready to enter rest mode for at least a solid 15 hours. You’d fall asleep right here but you can feel Jimin’s worried eyes on you, his entire tense body is creating enough concern.
“Relax, would you?” You mumble quietly. “I can feel how on edge you are and its making it harder for me to fall asleep.”
“Sorry.” Jimin sighs, “I’ve just been…stressed.”
You lazily turn your head, cheek pushing up against the couch cushion as you crack open an eye to look at Jimin. He’s struggling to find a breath before he tries to give in, his back finally hitting the cushion.
“Stressed?”
“Yeah.” His head tilts back and his eyes find the ceiling. “I was scared. How was I supposed to make sense of your text? Words like that aren’t that hard to decipher, right?”
“Jimin, when have I ever said anything to make you think—”
“I don’t know.” He slowly shuts his eyes. “Maybe my mind just assumed the worst and I just keep thinking about a possibility of losing you and…” He stops.
“I’m here.” You drunkenly reach out towards him, your fingers brushing against his arm and he feels his heart starting to beat faster and faster.
Jimin’s eyes open again and his head turns towards you. Eyes meetings yours and you swear if you weren’t ready to admit you might be in love with this man a few hours ago then you sure as hell would be ready to admit it right now. His heart is in his eyes.
“Always be here.” He whispers. “I can’t lose you.”
There’s a slight tremble in his voice as he does nothing to hide his own fears. Voice dripping in something pained and something vulnerable.
“You won’t.” You assure him. Your heart feels weaker because you are 100% sure that at the end of his words, ‘I can’t lose you.’ There was a silent ‘too.’
Jimin keeps his eyes on you as he takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have acted like that…I just…do what makes you happy. I’ll be happy as long as you are.”
You stare at him and you feel him. You feel his heart. And you’re so stuck. He cares about you and you’ll just have to be satisfied with that. Have you been a fool this entire time? A fool to think you wouldn’t be here again, staring in the eyes of the man you once wholeheartedly gave yourself to? That you wouldn’t be here…so willing to do that again. Maybe it’s just about time—maybe he needs time. Time to fall in love. Or you’re just drunk and getting ahead of yourself all over again.
“It’s okay.” You tell him, “We’re okay.”
~
Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. Who the hell is calling you at this hour? It’s way too fucking early to be receiving some ungodly phone call at some ungodly hour. You’re rolling around in your bed, sheets and blanket getting all tangled up as your hands roam the mattress beneath you. You finally feel the coldness of your cellphone, fingers grasping it before you hold it in front of your face, eyes squinting ridiculously as you see who the hell is calling.
Hoseok.
“What?” You grumble.
“Wakey, wakey!” Your best friend sings out, “It’s like 3pm so I think it’s time we get our lives together!”
“It’s too early.”
“It’s never too early for me to scold you!” He continues to sing, “So, on that note.” He suddenly gets serious. “What the fuck were you thinking?! ‘I’m gonna end it all!’ Like, dude, let’s be serious real quick—”
“It made sense to me!”
“In what world does that sound anything but—”
“I was…Listen, it was a whole conversation and I think I made majority of it in my head and only texted out the part I thought was most important…”
“y/n,” Hoseok releases a deep breath, “You scared Jimin shitless. Even me! I wasn’t too worried but then you weren’t answering.”
“I was so drunk, Hobi. I didn’t feel my phone at all!”
“Pretty sure you took like 10 years off Jimin’s life.”
“Shit…” You roll on to your side, cuddling with your pillow. “I feel bad, really. Last night was a journey for everyone.”
“Where did you go anyway?”
“Lorenzo’s bar.”
“Ew.”
“Anyway, I was there—sulking. And suddenly, Jungkook, from college was there!”
“I have no idea who that is.”
“…..Girlfriend stealer Jungkook.”
“Oh, the hot guy?”
“Yes, him. Anyway, we ended up just venting about our lives and got super drunk and then he was totally hyping me up about Jimin and—“
“Hyping what up?”
“Oh. Right. Okay. I should probably fill you in on some—wait, how did things go with Dae?!”
“Don’t change the…okay, hold on, because it’s actually a pretty big deal.” Hoseok tells you and you can hear the sudden giddiness in his voice. “We talked. And talked.”
“And?”
“And kissed. And kissed.”
“…And…?”
“And fucked. And fuck—”
“Okay.” You laugh, “So things went well?”
“Way better than I thought it would. I was nervous as hell but once I kind of just tried explaining myself she was so fucking cool. Really understanding and I don’t know, she just…we just click, I guess.”
“That’s…” You feel yourself beginning to grin, you heart leaping in joy. “Hobi, I’m happy. That’s great. So what does this mean?”
“We’re going on a date today.” He tells you, giddiness still evident. “Her and Taehyung are leaving at like 8 tonight so I got until then. She’s actually in the bathroom getting ready.”
“How’s Taehyung taking it?”
“I talked to him on the phone before I called you to let him know and…well, he went on a whole speech about how we’re already brothers for life but now we’re brothers for real. I tried explaining Dae and I aren’t getting married but then he started shouting into the phone about how I should already be thinking about that if it’s with Dae…anyway, Dae hung up on him for me.”
You start giggling at this, “Classic Taehyung.”
“Anyway, so what’s this Jungkook guy hyping up?”
“Oh. It’s—shit,” You bring your phone to your face again when you see another incoming call. “Naomi is calling me. She’s supposed to come over today and fill me in on everything.”
“Oh yeah, Jeremy has been blowing up my phone.”
“It’s crazy, right? Everyone says it was so obvious?!”
“How the fuck was that obvious?! Next they’re going to say we’re going to hook up.”
“Please think before you speak.” You shudder.
“You’re right, saying that triggered my gag reflex.”
“Anyway, I’ll call you later or something. Let me answer this!”
“Okay, okay. Bye!”
“Hello?” You say as soon as you answer Naomi’s call, “What’s up?”
“Hey! I just got home so I could drop off Bacon but if you’re down I could come over now?” Naomi says on the other line, “I could be there in like 10.”
“Oh shit.” You mumble, trying your best to sit up in bed. “Okay sure but just know I’m hungover as hell.”
“Damn…” Naomi chuckles, “Rough night?”
“We can fill each other in when you get here.” You tell her before you’re both saying bye and hanging up. You throw yourself back onto the mattress, head feeling heavy and room not exactly still. Well, you’re not drinking again for at least a month.
After washing up and changing into some clean clothes, you make your way into your kitchen to make some tea. Your eyes land on a small pile of dishes in your sink and you groan. You’ll do them later. You plant yourself in one of the chairs at your kitchen island and start scrolling through your phone to get a look at all the unread messages from last night. There’s a lot but some stick out more than others.
Jimin 2:36am
Please answer your phone y/n
Jimin 2:38am
Youre really driving me crazy please just look at your phone
Jimin 2:41am
Babe please
Taehyung 2:44am
My soulmate senses are tingling
Taehyung 2:44am
Hey where are you
Taehyung 2:45am
Me and jimin are worried please call us back love you
Hobi:)) 2:50am
What the fuck y/n
Hobi:)) 2:50am
Is this just you being dramatic or should I actually be worried
Hobi:)) 3:01am
Answer me you dumbass
There’s about a hundred more from Hoseok that are just yelling at you and then some are just texts with exclamation points, some texts are just him saying he loves you but mostly it’s a lot of yelling. You click your phone off and sigh to yourself, feeling bad about causing such a dramatic misunderstanding. It made sense to you at the time even though it’s all a little blurry—oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
Suddenly, you’re remembering more from last night and all your drunken venting and drunken confessions. You aren’t 100% sure but you think you gave Jungkook the impression that you are in love with Jimin. You’re starting to think that you gave yourself the impression you are in love with Jimin.
You sit here, mind replaying different pieces of conversation and—
“Jungkook, seriously.” You slur, trying not to laugh at his silly faces. “Be serious!” You hit his shoulder and he relaxes, giving you his full attention again. “I really did like Namjoon, I swear.”
“But he’s not Jimin, right?” Jungkook smirks at you, “Come on, y/n. You guys were so in love back in the day.”
“But it’s not back in the day.” You frown now, “But that’s a good thing. We’ve grown up a lot and experienced new things and well, I don’t know.”
“Okay, so you liked Namjoon but….but what?”
“I don’t know. When I look at Jimin it takes everything in me to not just…” You look at Jungkook intensely with big, wonderous eyes as you clutch your chest. “He’s just so…”
“Damn.” Jungkook shakes his head, trying not to laugh at your dramatics. “I don’t think you were even this whipped back then.”
“I’m…I’m not…” You quickly bring your hands back down to your lap. “He just feels so special, maybe.” You spin in your barstool to face the bar top again. “He’s my person.” Your voice is quieter and Jungkook gazes at you with soft eyes. He watches you sulk but he’s pretty sure he’s remembering Jimin saying something similar to this when he saw him last.
“Just admit you’re in love with him already.” Jungkook scoffs with a grin growing on his face. “That’s phase 1…after that, we can commence with phase 2.”
“W-What’s phase 2?”
“Leave that to the big boys.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Anyway, if things don’t work out with you guys, we can just get married. My parents are loaded, aren’t you ready to marry into a rich fam—”
“Jungkook.”
“Sorry.”
Your lips lift into a smile as you roll your eyes at Jungkook’s words but your heart does feel a pinch or maybe a tingle at the rest of the conversation you’re remembering. Wow, drunk you was so shameless last night. Shameless or just facing the truth and being honest about it? Your brain starts sorting through several different moments you’ve had with Jimin since he came back home. You’d be ridiculously stupid to deny that you love him. Of course you do. But being in love is different and so much more dangerous. Especially with him. Because he’s the most dangerous of them all.
But if someone is that dangerous for your heart it means something, doesn’t it? If you can easily admit Jimin is the one who could cause you the most pain—again—it’s because he’s also the one who causes you to be…shit. You rest your head against the cold granite countertop and shut your eyes. You’re going to enjoy these last 5 seconds of ignorance. 5…4…3…2…1.
You’re in love with Jimin. Again.
You lift your head again, eyes opening and staring ahead at the dirty dishes in your sink. Well, those 5 seconds were nice but now you live in a world where you are aware of your feelings. The same world where you have to clean dishes—the dirty dishes existed in your previous world too—the world where you weren’t hyperaware of your feelings. But this doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. Just like the dirty ass dishes.
Your body jumps a little at the sound of knocking on your front door…Naomi is here, you think. “It’s open!” You yell out as loud as you can, “Open!!!!”
Your head twists in the direction of the door, eyes wide as you wait for it to open but much to your annoyance…nothing. “I said it’s open…” You mumble to yourself before sliding off the barstool and going towards the door. You look through the peep hole and see Naomi standing on the other side, totally oblivious to your yelling.
“Hi.” You greet Naomi flatly, “Welcome.” You open the door wide so she can step through but before she does she looks you over and nods her head enthusiastically.
“At least we both look like shit.” She sings out, walking inside your apartment. “I’m not saying I’m happy you look so totally and miserably hungover but I’ll admit it makes me feel a little better.”
“Hold on.” You tilt your head in confusion, eyes raking over her body. Her curls are perfect as always, her nails look like they just got done and her overall outfit almost looks Sunday brunch worthy. “This is you looking like shit?”
“Dude,” Naomi gestures towards herself and then her hand gently lifts up the bottom of her blouse, exposing her jeans. “They aren’t even buttoned.”
“Damn…” You finally shut the door and nod in understanding, “We really are going through it.”
Naomi exhales slowly, her eyes landing on you and a sudden softness enters them. “Seems we have a lot to catch each other up on, huh?”
“Seems like it.” You laugh a little before going towards your living room, body flopping onto your couch, quick hands pulling the designated couch blanket over yourself. “You go first though because my shit has unraveled like scenes in a predictable movie. You on the other hand…”
“God, I’m probably not any better.” Naomi sits next to you, her own fingers tugging on the blanket as she urges you to share it with her. “Who knew clichés were this powerful?”
“Guess they’re cliches for a reason.” You shrug, “So?”
“Right.” Naomi leans back onto the sofa, her eyes finding the ceiling and you watch her as she thinks. Funny how all your guests seem to take comfort in your ceiling. “Okay…I honestly don’t even know where to begin.”
“Well, I already know the ending. What if you work backwards?”
“Okay…” She starts nibbling on her plump lips, her lipstick beginning to disappear. “Me and Jeremy…god!” She suddenly starts chuckling to herself before throwing her face in her hands. “Why can’t I even say it?! I feel so embarrassed!”
“Well, it is Jeremy.” You joke but then quickly pretend to zip your lips closed when Naomi glares at you, “Sorry.”
“Listen, I know this is—this is weird. I know that.” Naomi takes her eyes off you and they go back to the ceiling. “Jeremy is our friend and the four of us…me, you, Hoseok and Jer…we’re…friends. I feel like this stupid thing me and Jeremy did might ruin the group.”
“Stupid thing?” You lean back onto the sofa, head digging deeper into the cushion. “According to everyone this was an expected thing.”
“Expected or not…it was still stupid.” She murmurs, “I don’t want anything to change between us or anyone or—”
“Change isn’t bad.” You tell her, your own eyes going to the ceiling now too, the place with all the answers. “I’m curious how it happened though…had this been building? Or was it out of the blue? Or—”
“Both?” Naomi sighs out, “It was out of the blue…but it also somehow felt like I was saying ‘finally’ the entire time…”
“Oh.” You glance at your friend, suddenly more worried than before. “You guys…you actually…oh.”
“He came over after his date and he was telling me all these exciting things about it…you know how he gets.” She says and you nod. “And I asked him why he didn’t actually look excited and then I asked why he was at my place if it went so well…”
“And?”
“He didn’t really have an answer for either.” Naomi tells you. You think you can understand why he didn’t—it’s because he did…have an answer, that is. “I let it be but it felt like after that things just changed.” She looks down now, eyes on her hands as her fingers play with the rings that are just loose enough. “He kissed me out of nowhere.”
“Bold.” You comment more to yourself.
“And he pulled away from me like he just made the biggest mistake of his life!” She pouts, “I felt so…I don’t know. But…we just kind of stared at each other and he kissed me again. And imagine my surprise when I was kissing him back. I was confused! Like, why the hell am I making out with Jeremy?!” She shakes her head dramatically, her curls bouncing on her shoulders and you can’t help but laugh at this. “But I was hit with even more confusion and also like,” She bites down onto her bottom lip as she searches for the right words. “Like…relief? Like kissing him felt confusing and also relieving? And that’s when the word ‘finally’ kept repeating in my mind!”
“Damn.”
“And we totally slept together.” She slumps her shoulders, “And it was good. Really good. But after…you know…we just got really awkward. So I made a joke about how we’re friends and he just kept it going! Friends this, friends that. And it went so far that we ended up steering away from everything and making it a point that we’re only friends even though I’m 100% sure I have a thing for him.”
“You realized that after sleeping with him?”
“No, I realized that on Friday when all I could think about was how I’m into the cringey things he does.”
“Ah.” Your mouth falls open as you realize. “The poetry.”
“It’s truly horrific and somehow I want him to share only that kind of thing with me.” She says with a straight face. “Gross, right?”
You laugh at this, wondering how you and Hoseok have been so dumb about this but apparently Naomi and Jeremy are also dumb about this. When it doesn’t have to be dumb at all.
“You know, talking to him could—”
“I think we both have silently agreed that staying friends is for the best.”
“Silently?” You give her a pointed look, “It’s not a real agreement if it’s silent.”
“It’s just bad timing! I have reservations for Wednesday and it’s not like he’s not going to come…”
“Wednesday?” You squint your eyes at her before they comically expand, “Oh my god, your birthday dinner.”
“Yup.” She responds dully, “He’s going to show up because we’re friends but…well, I don’t know why I’m saying ‘but’…if he didn’t show up, I’d be pissed.” She laughs now. “It’s just a weird situation that I’m hoping we will get over quickly. Plus, I’m sure he’s put together that I like him and he’s given me no indicator if he feels the same…so.”
“Aren’t you ignoring him?”
“He’s sent like a hundred texts and most are talking about the importance of our friendship.”
“Oh.”
“Anyway, give me your story now. You and Jimin, huh? Not surprised but with the whole Namjoon thing…so?”
~~~
Monday morning and you’re wondering if you’re still dealing with a hangover. Or maybe this headache is stress induced. Well, either one works, you suppose. You just made it inside your office, stopping for a cup of tea before settling at your desk. You see Hoseok, Naomi and Jeremy are already here. Naomi greets you with a small smile before she faces her computer screen again and Jeremy gives a noncommittal wave. Your best friend, who sits right next to you, hasn’t even acknowledged you yet.
“What’s so important on your phone that you can’t even say hi to me?” You plop onto the office chair before turning everything on. Hoseok just continues to look at his phone, an undeniably giddy smile on his face. “Hm?”
“Oh, nothing.” He sings out, “Just that Dae just called me handsome and her boyfriend in the same text.” He says before holding his phone out to you. You narrow your eyes and read her message and it’s true, her text says, ‘how’s my handsome boyfriends morning so far?’ and you can’t help but grin and roll your eyes.
“Boyfriend? The date went that well? You guys move fast.”
“I get some people like to take things slow and that’s cool but both of us know what we want so why prolong that? So yes, your best friend here is a taken man.” Hoseok brings his phone back to his lap, eyes on his screen as he smiles down at it. Then it drops so suddenly before he’s whipping his head up at you. “Shit. I forgot you’re sad.”
You snort at this, heading shaking. “Well, at least you’re honest.”
“I won’t rub my happiness in your face, I—”
“Nah,” Your face glows from the monitor finally turning on. “I will gladly let you rub it in my face.”
“Ew, what are you letting Hoseok rub in your face?” Jeremy suddenly blurts, teasing in his voice as you find an eraser to throw at him.
“Seriously though, Hobi. This is great and you shouldn’t have to feel like you got to hold back when you’re this excited just because my own love life sucks.”
Hoseok studies you for a moment before he gives you a look of appreciation, “Thanks.” He smiles at you, “Also, we have a meeting in like 30 minutes. Got pinged like 10 minutes before you walked in.”
“A meeting?” You groan, clicking the computer mouse as you go to check your e-mails. “It better not last more than 5 minutes…I have so much to do today.”
“It’s just to meet our new temp boss.” Hoseok tells you, “Probably won’t last long.”
“Shit, I forgot about that.”
“Maybe this one won’t want to fuck you!” Hoseok cackles to himself and Naomi and Jeremy join but then they quickly make eye contact and stop laughing. You guess they’re still being weird.
~
The four of you sit in the meeting room, you and Hoseok in the middle with Naomi and Jeremy on either side of you. Awkwardness continues. The room starts filling up one by one as everyone talks amongst themselves as they wonder about Mr. Lincoln’s nephew. You grow bored waiting, clicking your pen in and out before the room finally goes quiet when someone walks in.
“Good morning, everyone.” A confident voice fills the room and you look up to get a look at the new guy who will be bossing you around. Your fingers quickly stop fidgeting with the pen when it falls to the table, loud clinking echoes in the room and everyone’s eyes go to you.
“J-Jungkook?” You blink up at the guy standing front and center. His face looks as surprised as you’re feeling. He looks so different than what you’re used to…his tattooed arm completely covered by the long sleeves of his dark blue suit, his hair pushed back and there’s a strong, established energy clinging to him.
“y/n?” His mouth falls open, doe eyes wide and set on you before he’s quickly clearing his throat and offering a gentle smile. “It’s nice to see you but…” He glances around the room before smirking at you. “At work, please call me Mr. Jeon.” You’re about to snort at this but he moves on from you to properly introduce himself to everyone else and you realize he was…serious.
“Jungkook?” Hoseok leans in, whispering to you, “Like…girlfriend stealer Jungkook?”
“Dude…he’s so hot…” Naomi leans in your other side, “This is the guy from Saturday?”
“Yes,” You lean into Hoseok before swaying to your other side and leaning into Naomi, “And yes.”
You cannot believe this…Mr. Lincoln’s wife’s nephew is…Jungkook? Well, Jungkook did tell you he recently took an offer elsewhere to get a break from his parent’s company…
~
After the initial shock of your new boss being an old college friend who used to give you pot brownies, you’ve gotten comfortable at your desk, working your ass off to finish a report in time. It’s not even lunch time yet but you can already feel the pained discomfort growing between your shoulders, realizing you desperately need a break—or massage.
“Hey.” You hear a voice from behind you, a voice you know. You swivel around in your chair and see Jungkook standing here, serious look on his face as he hands you a packet of papers. “Mind if I go over something with you?” He glances down at the papers he just gave you. You knew he would eventually come find you…you thought to chat but looks like it’s about…work.
“Sure.” You tell him and he relaxes his shoulders before pointing at the packet.
“Page 4.” He says calmly, “There’s a mistake in your report. You got some of the information wrong…it’s not a huge deal but with eyes on us in this term it’s just best if we find even the smallest of mistakes. It doesn’t reflect on just you but our entire time and we don’t want that. Can you have it revised before lunch?”
“Sure, I guess—”
“Thanks, y/n.” Jungkook straightens his back, “Other than that, really good work.” He nods at you before heading off to his office. You stare at the now empty space where he was just standing, truly wondering who the hell this guy is. Jungkook? There’s no way…this is like his long lost twin or something.
“He’s so…different than what you described.” Hoseok rolls his chair closer to your desk, “Not what I imagined at all.”
“Me either.” Naomi walks towards you both, hands cupping a mug. “He’s like so…” She waves her hands around, assuming you’re understanding what she’s saying.
“Dude, same. But maybe he’s just really serious about work?” You wonder more to yourself, “He’s under some serious pressure so I guess it makes sense.” You say before groaning when you look down at a past report. “Well, looks like I’m working through lunch.” You glance at the current report on your screen that isn’t even half way complete. “Will you bring me something back?” You say to Hoseok and he agrees.
With the work day finally winding down, you grin in satisfaction; you completed what you were working on plus revised the report Jungkook brought to you. You feel accomplished and to be honest, the productivity was nice…focused on something other than your life’s woes. You stand from your chair, packet in hand when you’re heading towards Mr. Lincoln’s office—well, Jungkook’s temporary office. You knock on the glass door and wait for permission to enter. You hear Jungkook’s voice call out for you to go inside.
“Hi, Jung—Mr. Jeon.” You crack a tight smile as you slip into his office. “I have the revisions done—”
“—Dude!” Jungkook ushers you to close the door behind you and when you do he does nothing but grin at you, “How crazy is this?! This is seriously, wow.”
“Wow is one way to put it.” You chuckle, dropping the packet to his desk. “You take your job seriously, huh?”
“Well, yeah. In this world…” He chews on his lips, hand brushing through his hair. “I have to be. No room for error and—”
“I get it.” You assure him, “I’ll try not to make anymore mistakes.” You joke and he only continues to grin at you.
“Good, because who knows what I’d have to do with you.” He sits down at his desk, cheeky smile on his face. “I’d be nice though, since we’re connected and I’ve been inside you.”
The sudden coughing thanks to choking on your spit does look a little dramatic but it only makes Jungkook grin harder. “Excuse me?”
“What? That’s all according to you.” He tells you simply. “So, how was the rest of your night? Are you and Jimin madly in love now?”
“What?” You whisper shout, “No!”
“Weird.” He mumbles, “I guess phase two will really be set in motion…”
“What?”
“Nothing,”
“Anyway, uh, so actually Wednesday is Naomi’s birthday and we’re going to a nice place for dinner and uh, you’re invited. Naomi says it’s cool. You don’t have to but you know, we’re technically friends and Jimin would be there too…”
“I’m there.” He smirks as he throws you some finger guns and then his face grows serious when his phone starts ringing. “Duty calls but good work today, thanks again. Go home and rest and see you tomorrow!” He quickly waves you off before answering the phone. “Jeon.” He says into the phone before smiling at you as you wave him goodbye.
~~~
Tuesday and it was another long day at work. The pain between your shoulders is driving you crazy and you really wish some expert hands were rolling out all the knots. It’s late, around 10 when you reach for your phone and find Jimin’s name.
y/n 9:44pm
hey just reminding you about naomis birthday dinner tmrw at 7
Jimin 9:44pm
I know
Jimin 9:45pm
Is Namjoon going too?
You read his second text and can’t help but dig your teeth into your bottom lip…he doesn’t know about Namjoon yet. And you don’t really feel like sharing it at the moment…who could blame you? Double rejection just isn’t a great look.
y/n 9:47pm
nope
Jimin 9:47pm
Am I supposed to bring a gift?
y/n 9:48pm
lol no I think its ok
~
Naomi’s birthday and this is getting ridiculous. Naomi and Jeremy barely spoke yesterday either but today Jeremy told Naomi ‘Happy Birthday’ and she only replied with a bland, ‘Thanks friend.’ And he dryly responded with, ‘What are friends for?’ and they’ve been back to ignoring each other. You and Hoseok give one another knowing looks before deciding today might not be the day to interfere.
Jungkook—or Mr. Jeon as he has reminded you and your friends to call him—is as professional as always. He walks around the office, looking over many shoulders and you can tell people feel nervous but he’s kind when he points something out, he’s actually helpful unlike Mr. Lincoln.
It’s funny…he told you how much he dreaded all of this, how he wanted nothing to do with this lifestyle and tried so hard to escape this path (a path his parent’s created) but he looks so confident and really looks like he’s in his element. You wonder how he feels.
“Mr. Jeon is going to scold me.” Jeremy whines at his desk, “I’ve literally got almost nothing done today…” His eyes look distant as they slowly dance across the office and they land on Naomi. “Today sucks.”
“Mr. Jeon is going to praise me!” Hoseok cheers much to everyone else’s annoyance, “I finished up plus I ended up doing some extra tasks. He said he would pay me over time!”
“Good for you.” You gaze at your own screen, completely unimpressed with your own work. “Must be nice to be so perfect.”
“It is nice.” Hoseok sticks his tongue out at you before he’s straightening himself, “Oh hey, Mr. Jeon!”
You lift your head higher to see Jungkook standing to your side, “Hey. Mind helping Myra with some document conversion? Apparently you’re the pro.”
“Yes, boss.” You salute him before standing and he hands you a sticky note that you take. “What’s this?” You say glancing down, eyes reading Jungkook’s messy handwriting. ‘Can’t wait to fucking party tonight!!!!!’ you can’t help but chuckle at this, realizing you should probably tell him it’s just a nice, simple dinner.
~
The restaurant Naomi chose is the same as last year, a nice enough place that offers insta worthy birthday photos and food that actually has decent portions. You get here the same time as Hoseok, both of you walking inside to find the table that Naomi is already sitting at—miserably, might you add. You’re about to approach her when you feel your entire heart start to dance wildly in your chest. Jimin walks closer, looks like he’s coming back from the bathrooms, when he spots you and smiles. He’s got his hair out of his forehead and an outfit that makes you feel suffocated. These pants and this jacket…they’re doing wonders on—and suddenly you’re having to snap your head up to meet his eyes because you were totally checking him out.
“Hey.” Jimin’s arms extend out and he surprises you with a tight hug. Maybe it’s just a surprise because you’re still processing your weekend. “You look nice.” He tells you as he pulls away, “New shirt?”
“Not really.” You glance down, knowing damn well it is new.
“So,” Jimin looks at you, eyes on yours and you can’t help but tear your gaze away from him…you suddenly feel nervous. “How are—”
“Yooooooooo.” You can hear Jungkook’s voice from behind you. You quickly turn around and greet your boss.
“Hey, Mr. Jeon.” You say as you take in his appearance. Unstyled hair falling in his eyes, loose pants and short sleeve shirt that exposes his tattoos. You forgot this is what he usually looks like. Feels weird to call him Mr. Jeon now.
“Mr. Jeon?” You hear Jimin, his shoes clicking on the tiled floor when he walks closer, coming next to you. “Uh?” He glances between you both, clearly wondering why you’re greeting Jungkook this way.
“Oh.” You realize immediately. “He’s my boss.” You gesture towards Jungkook who just throws up a peace sign and grins.
“The y/n I used to know was so hard to boss around but now she follows every order.” Jungkook winks at Jimin who is looking more lost. Clearly not taking this seriously.
“How did you agree to call him that?” Jimin raises a brow, his question directing at you.
“It’s because—”
“Hey Mr. Jeon!” Hoseok comes towards you all, “Wow, you look…” He motions towards Jungkook’s body and Jungkook only throws up another peace sign.
“You too, Hoseok?” Jimin blinks in confusion. “What kind of game—”
“Wow, Mr. Jeon…” Naomi comes now too, “I was not expecting all of…this.” She checks him out fully and Jungkook just…does another peace sign.
“Naomi too?!” Jimin’s mouth is permanently parted as he looks at all of you in disbelief. “Why—”
“Mr. Jeon’s here too?” Jeremy makes his way towards you guys, last one to show up.
“JEREMY TOO?!” Jimin blinks at all of you, “Jungkook? Why—”
“He’s our boss.” Hoseok chuckles when he realizes Jimin is genuinely confused. “His uncle is our usual guy but he’s on leave for a few months so we got him.” He points at Jungkook who throws up two peace signs now. “It’s not some weird thing y/n is doing on her own.” He continues to laugh and Jimin relaxes a little.
“Anyway, guys.” Jungkook finds a seat at the table. “Mr. Jeon is dead after work hours. Only Jungkook exists now. Don’t even think about talking about work because I will revive your dead boss—Mr. Jeon—and fire you. That or make you get drunk as fuck and you’ll have to deal with a hangover at work during our 8 am meeting.”
“You’re evil.” You laugh, taking your own seat as everyone gets settled at the table.
“That is evil.” Jeremy shudders before suddenly nodding in approval, “But somehow I respect it.”
“Thanks, dude. Should we take a shot to get this birthday dinner started?” Jungkook starts perusing the drink menu, “It’ll be on me.”
“He’s rich.” You quickly explain to the rest of your friends.
“Wow, you couldn’t have said ‘he’s generous’ instead?” Jungkook leans into your side, “Both are right so I guess it doesn’t matter.” Then Jungkook directs his words towards everyone else, “She’s really into the whole ‘rich’ thing, huh? I already told her I would marry her!”
Jimin chokes on nothing when he hears this, his expression growing more annoyed. God, this is exactly how he acted years ago! Jimin didn’t call him a ‘girlfriend stealer’ for nothing.
“Shut up. He’s also cheeky as hell.” You giggle, “Jungkook, we aren’t here to party. It’s a dinner!”
“No, no.” Jeremy starts looking at the drink menu as well. “Mr. Jeon has got a point. Let’s take shots.”
“He’s dead!” Jungkook cries out dramatically, “Only Jungkook lives!”
“Oh, right.” Jeremy nods. “Jungkook.”
“Looks like it’s just you two.” You glance around the table…no one else seems interested in drinking.
“Cool.” Jungkook and Jeremy say in unison with a shrug to their shoulders. Jimin is on your left side and he’s quieter than it makes you comfortable. You catch his eyes on you every now and then but it feels strange. But this could just be you overthinking your recently rejected state.
It’s around 9pm when Jeremy and Jungkook are throwing back another shot and talking about which super powers they would choose. Naomi is telling you about how her sister is still trying to convince her to work remote and visit her in Mexico City where she’s currently living for work.
Jungkook stops talking to Jeremy to sip more of his water before he’s throwing an arm over you, “Ah, this was us just a few days ago, y/n. We really bonded, you know?” He winks at you before finding Jimin’s eye and offering a coy smile. “We just really get each other.” He says more to Jimin who just sips his own drink.
“Cool.” Jimin mutters before his eyes go to Jungkook’s phone that vibrates on the table. “You going to get that?”
“Oh.” Jungkook looks down and smiles in excitement. “It’s Taehyung.” He reaches for the phone and speaks into it, “Hey. Yeah. No worries, dude. I got this. Operation is in the works.” Then he looks over at you and Jimin, “Mhm. You’ll see, you’ll see. Kay, bye.”
“What operation?” You quirk a brow at Jungkook and he ignores you.
“He says hi!” Jungkook turns back to Jeremy, “Anyway, here me out…what if teleportation isn’t just through spaces but also through time? Imagine—”
“You guys seem close.” Jimin picks up his water again, “Didn’t know one drunken night made you guys the best of friends.”
“Well, I also see him at work now.” You grab your phone to check the time, “But I wouldn’t say we’re close?”
“Right.”
“Should we give our gifts now?” Hoseok shouts over the table excitedly.
“I’ll go first!” Jeremy slurs a little but Naomi shifts uncomfortably in her seat, “Here.” He hands her a small box and although she looks hesitant, she takes it. “Open it!”
“No, it’s okay.” She avoids Jeremy’s gaze, “I’ll wait for later.”
And you’ve never seen Jeremy look more offended.
~
Thursday 8am meetings are no joke. You’re tired even if you slept a decent amount…early is early. You set your bag down on your desk and you see Jungkook enter through, Jeremy’s eyes light up, excited to see his new friend.
“Sup JK!” Jeremy goes for a high five as Jungkook walks past him, completely avoiding Jeremy’s hand.
“We’re at work, Jeremy.”
Jeremy cracks a smile before high fiving his own hand, “Right.” But then his smile completely fades when Naomi walks in and they go back to ignoring each other.
Before you left for lunch today, Jungkook asked you if you wanted to get some ice cream after work and you had no real reason to say no…so here you are with casual Jungkook at an ice cream place just a block from the office.
“It’s a candid photo!” Jungkook tells you when you try to tell him to delete the picture he just took of you. “It’s cute!”
“Gross.” You roll your eyes, “Who are you sending it to anyway? Taehyung?”
Jungkook looks up from his phone, his big eyes looking innocent before he shows you his phone’s screen. An Instagram post. ‘I scream, you scream, we all scream at how cute y/n is.’
“What?” You look up at him, confused. “Why?”
“Just trust me. Plus, what’s the harm in posting my friend…” Jungkook smiles to himself, looking devious as the ‘likes’ start flooding in.
~
It’s Friday night when you receive an interesting text from Jimin. An entire screenshot of Jungkook’s recent Instagram post with the caption, ‘is this really okay since he’s your boss?’
y/n 11:01pm
why wouldn’t it be
Jimin 11:02pm
Idk
Jimin 11:02pm
Not sure Namjoon would be okay with that? He’s a chill guy but even he has his limits, im sure
Jimin 11:02pm
But maybe it isn’t my business, sorry
y/n 11:05pm
Namjoon wouldn’t even see it since he doesn’t know Jungkook
y/n 11:05pm
but also it wouldn’t matter its not like were together
Jimin 11:08pm
?? you still haven’t talked to him?
y/n 11:09pm
we talked.
y/n 11:10pm
we ended things
Jimin 11:11pm
Wait wait
Jimin 11:12pm
Wait what
Jimin 11:12pm
Ending things? You aren’t with him? You guys aren’t…?
y/n 11:12pm
nope
Jimin 11:15pm
Why didn’t you tell me??
y/n 11:15pm
maybe its embarrassing lol
Jimin 11:16pm
How is that embarrassing?? You should have told me…this…we’re all meeting up at hoseoks tmrw right?
y/n 11:20pm
yeah
Jimin 11:24pm
Good…I really gotta talk to you
~~~
Jimin is feeling nervous. So nervous that he even got to Hoseok’s place way before the meeting time. It mostly worked out since Taehyung and Dae just got here too, Dae is already in Hoseok’s arms, teasing him about not kissing her in front of Taehyung. And there’s Taehyung pretending to worship Hoseok for saving his poor eyes from seeing that.
Dae laughs before giving bad news, “Movie nights are cool but I really hate to break it to you guys but Taehyung does not shut up during a mov—”
“—It’s only if the movie sucks!” Taehyung pouts.
“No, if it sucks, you usually just fall asleep!”
“Wait, I talk during movies too. y/n hates it.” Hoseok chimes in with a nervous smile.
“Great.” Dae deadpans, “My whole life I had to deal with Taehyung’s annoying ass during movies but now apparently my boyfriend is just as annoying.”
“Life is cruel.” Jimin chuckles, “Speaking of y/n…is she almost here?”
“Oh.” Hoseok looks at his phone now, “She said she was on her way like 15 minutes ago.”
And with the magic of great timing, he hears Hoseok’s front door swing up and you’re yelling cutely to announce your arrival. Jimin’s insides twist in a nervous but exciting kind of way. He’s been desperate to talk to you but especially after finding out you’re not with Namjoon. He can finally say everything he needs to say.
He mentally prepares himself, body turned towards the hall he knows you’re about to walk through but when he listens carefully he can hear how you’re talking—talking to someone. Maybe Naomi? Or Jeremy? And then he feels that ugly feeling in his gut that he’s felt for the last week. You walk through with Jungkook at your side, both of you laughing before Jungkook catches Jimin’s eye and he’s throwing an arm around your shoulder.
“Jimin!” He yells out, bringing you closer to his frame. “Tell y/n that she’s being ridiculous!”
Jimin feels that ugly feeling deep in his body start to twist and turn uncomfortably as he raises a brow at Jungkook, “About what?”
“I told her she looks so freaking pretty today! But she’s trying to deny it.” Jungkook smirks, “Isn’t that crazy? I have eyes, y/n. And you look so—”
“She’s always pretty.” Jimin cuts in, tone colder than he’s wanting. “Anyway, hey.” He says, more towards you. “Mind if we talk a bit before—”
“I’m here!” Naomi calls out as she walks through the house as well, “And Jeremy is parking. Let’s all pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“Naomi.” You give her a disappointed look. “Can you guys just talk already?”
“He’s being the way he’s being so I’m going to be however I want.”
“That’s mature.” Hoseok shakes his head as he comes closer to you guys, “Anyway, I ordered pizza!”
“Oh!” You cheer excitedly, completely forgetting that Jimin wanted to talk to you. “Did you order my usual?”
“Yes, I unfortunately know your personal order by heart.” Hoseok shoves your shoulder lightly before leading everyone towards the kitchen. “Anyone want wine?”
“Me!” Naomi sings, “Full glass.”
“Jungkook!” Taehyung comes into the kitchen too, “My partner in crime!”
“You mean partner in good deeds.” Jungkook corrects him, “Only crime here is how good we look.”
“Fucking facts, man.” Taehyung glances over at you and Jimin who is going next to you for a glass of wine as well. “So, how’s it going?”
“It’s going to work this time.” Jungkook whispers towards Taehyung, “For real.”
“You know,” A very cheesy, satisfied grin starts forming on Taehyung’s face, “What we’re doing is probably so, totally and completely unnecessary…but it’s probably going to encourage them to talk.”
“It’s definitely unnecessary!” Jungkook’s smirk grows, “After what Jimin said the other weekend when you guys visited me? But,” His eyes narrow as he watches Jimin talking to you but glancing at him every now and then, “This is so much more fun.”
“It’s a fucking blast.” Taehyung nods in agreement. “We failed last time but this time?”
“This time Jimin won’t be a dumbass and let her go.”
sometimes your best friend sleeps with you. no literally, you share a bed whenever either of you want some cuddles and need to vent. did you stop once to think that those harmless cuddles would cause a heap of buried feelings to resurface? no. did you stop to think that your best friend nuzzling into your neck with his d!ck pressed between your ass cheeks might be deleterious to your health? no.
but here you are, falling madly in love with jung hoseok — after one particular incident — who’s so out of your league. or is he?
or; you might’ve drunkenly confessed to hoseok, but his reaction is not what you expected.
pairing — soccer player!hoseok x nerdy!reader
genre/rating — R | smut, fluff, angst, roommate au, bff2l
warnings/tags — strong language, bestfriendstofriendswithbenefitstolovers! kinda situation, athlete/academic love story <3, bad boy!hobi, PINING, hoseok is kind of a flirt/cocky, literally everyone wants him, fluffy hair hobi, he’s fit 😵💫, angy hobi, oc is so clueless, hottie!oc, alcohol consumption, drinking games, manhandling, bickering, did i mention pining?, oc is lowkey obsessed lmfao, some tears, too much tension & teasing oml, feelings, confusion, so fluffy + smutty, jealousy, smidge of angst, body worship, exhibitionism, ice play, explicit smut ++
note: SHDJDK my favorite hoseok is coming 😩 this is gonna be a twoshot that i’ve wanted to post since last month. he’s a menace but i love him <3
“You have survived everything you have been through, and you will survive this too. Stay for the person you will become. You are more than a bad day, or week, or month, or year, or even decade. You are a future of multifarious possibility. You are another self at a point in future time looking back in gratitude that this lost and former you held on. Stay.”
“Beware of destination addiction: The idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, or even with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.”
Maybe sometimes it’s okay to just want peace and comfort and not to grow and instead to just enjoy what you often cannot in a world that always wants to grow and will not let you live.
“Man likes to create and lay down paths, that is indisputable. But why does he also love destruction and chaos so passionately? … Might it be that he loves destruction and chaos (indeed it is indisputable that he sometimes loves them very much) because he is instinctively afraid of achieving his goal and completing the structure he is constructing?”
I was twenty… twenty-five, I think?… when I was sentenced. Four hundred years was a length of time I couldn’t even imagine. It was a length of time I don’t think anyone could imagine, even the judge. It was just a big showy number that let everyone know I’d never see the light of day again. The mages who cast the spells were dramatic about it, practically shouting the part about ‘until death claims you, or four hundred years hath passed, forsooth, thou shalt be imprisoned here’. They don’t waste that kind of magic on most prisoners, but I was special.
The Slayer, they called me then. The Monster of Sentan. I’d killed nineteen people… I remember that number because I was so furious that they stopped me so close to my goal of twenty-one. And I didn’t just kill ordinary people, no, but the Chosen of the Gods. The Great and Good. They were terrified of me. So they locked me away, to die forgotten.
It had been a little less than a hundred years when the king died without heir, and a civil war tore the country apart. When the fighting was all over, the losers were dragged down to the deepest cells under the castle, and the new king and his soldiers stopped and stared at me. “Who… who is this?” he asked, frowning. “Some victim of the usurper?”
People like cooks and jailers and scrubbers don’t change as easily as kings. The same man who’d been bringing me my meals since there was still brown in his hair and beard shuffled forward, hunched and grey now. “No, yer majesty,” he said humbly. “That be a special prisoner, from before the old king died.”
“Special? Special how?” He frowned, moving closer to my cell. “The old king died more than ten years ago. This woman must have been a child then. What could she have done to - “
“Don’t get too close, yer majesty,” the old man said sharply. “That’s the Monster of Sentan… an’ she bites.”
Summary: A friend of yours is eager to introduce you to her new man but what happens when Park Jimin, the man who broke your heart 5 years ago walks in through the door?
Pairing: Jimin x Female reader
Genre: exes au, exes to ???, fluff, angst, smut
Word Count: 15.6k
Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (????!!!!!????!!!!), soft, soft sex, mention of pot brownie, dirty talk, jimin says ‘little slut’ lol, lots of kissing, ew intimacy, creampie, mention of cum eating, implied oral (male rec.) everyone’s having sex dude, lots of drama, lots of unsaid feelings and everyone being an idiot!
Notes: sorry I took longer than usual! I hope you guys like this chapter:] thanks for being patient with me! I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Love hearing from you guys<3 Send an ask if you want to be added to a tag list or just want to chat:)
Previously on…in chapter 11 of Love again, Namjoon has offered you a relationship! You meet with Jin and Justine to learn more about Lucy’s past. Tension (not the bad kind) keeps rising with Jimin. You and Naomi meet with Lucy and learn the truth. Everyone’s busy for the weekend: Jeremy with dates, Naomi with friends, Hobi fake dating Dae for a work party but you and Jimin decide to eat a ‘special’ brownie and uh oh, you had sex.
This might be one of the more awkward outings you have been a part of in a while—or ever. The atmosphere feels a little bit tense, so many pairs of eyes roaming around, never meeting one another. Something is obviously going on between like, everyone. But the only person who seems to be free, lively and so freaking oblivious is Taehyung. Bless Taehyung and his inability to read the room right now as he drunkenly declares you should all take shots. Again.
“Taehyung, you’re already shit faced, dude.” You reach for your water, “You realize if you take another shot you are absolutely going to throw up?”
“Eh, let him.” Dae shrugs from beside you, “He stole my chips the trip here and ate them all so this is kind of his karma, I’d like to believe.”
“You want your brother to puke because he…ate your chips?” Hoseok raises a brow, “You truly are something.”
“That feels valid actually” You begin to agree, finally gulping back some of the water.
“Of course you would be the first to agree with that.” Hoseok shakes his head, “The women I surround myself with…”
“Oh?” Dae looks a bit blank as she glances at Hoseok. “Am I woman you surround yourself—"
“Oh come on!” Taehyung drags out his words with an adorable slur, “Jeremy? I know you won’t let me drink alone right?”
“I’ll take a shot if my brothers take a shot too.” Jeremy grins at Hoseok and Jimin. “Forget the girls we don’t need them to have a good time.”
“We’re literally right here?” Naomi grumbles on the other side of Dae. “We should have gotten our own table at this point.”
“Ever since their weird ass boys thing—”
“Weird?!” Taehyung scoffs, but his own grin starts to show itself. “You’re all just jealous.”
“Totally. That’s what it is.” You comment with a straight face, “Anyway—”
“Are you…Taehyung, by chance?” A feminine voice cuts in, you all look in Taehyung’s direction when you see a girl standing next to him with her hand on his shoulder. “You probably don’t remember me but I’m pretty sure we went to college together.”
“Aeri?” Taehyung tilts his head, “Like, the girl who hooked up with Jungkook one time in my apartment bathroom?”
“Oh!” The girl lights up, “So you do remember me!”
Well, that’s one way to remember someone, you think.
“Yeah!” Taehyung’s grin widens, “You look kind of different though?”
“I think my hair was dark and short when you last saw me.” Aeri returns his smile with her own, her hand finally leaving his shoulder. “Which was so many years ago.” She giggles, stumbling a little bit in her spot. She looks drunk too.
“No, that’s not it.” Taehyung waves her off, shaking his head slightly as he tries to think. “Oh! Last time I saw you was literally in the bathroom when you and Jungkook were…you know,” He winks now. “The thing that’s different is…clothes.” He says with a blank face while gesturing towards her and she widens her eyes before she laughs loudly.
“Oh yeah! You did walk in on us!”
“Does Taehyung just walk in on everyone having sex?” Hoseok laughs, shooting you a look when you glare at him. “I wonder if this chick stopped though unlike…” He trails off with a smirk, his hands motioning between you and Jimin. You want to kill him.
“So how have you been?” Aeri slurs a little as she chats with Taehyung, “Are you still living here?”
“Nah, nah, nah.” Taehyung glances at the rest of you, “Just visiting my friends!”
“Oh!” Aeri looks at you all now, smiling at everyone as she offers a greeting. “I know, I saw you from across the bar. You are like me!” She starts giggling cutely, hand back on his shoulder. “Fifth wheeling as the only single one in the group. That’s why I wanted to come say hi.”
“Only…single?” Taehyung asks, confusion growing as he eyes you all. “Oh.” He sings out, “No, no! We’re all single actually. Trust me, no one in this group is gettin’ any.” He starts chuckling to himself.
Aeri looks like the one who is confused now. “Really? Oh. I was so sure…” Her eyes find yours, “These two.” She points at you and at Jimin who sits across from you. “They’re a couple. And those two,” She points at Dae and Hoseok who sits across from her now. “They’re definitely a couple.” Now she points at Naomi and Jeremy, “And these two as well.”
“HA!” Naomi rolls her eyes, “Never in a fucking million years.”
“Yeah, that’s got to be the joke of the fucking century. Right, Naomi?” Jeremy spits back with a smile.
“I still don’t get what is up with them.” You say towards Hoseok and he nods. “But you’re wrong.” You say to Aeri before your eyes try to find Jimin’s but he avoids your gaze. Instead he reaches for his drink and takes a few sips, not even flinching as the alcohol runs down his throat, no doubt leaving a burn along the way.
“No, I’m not.” Aeri drunkenly laughs, “I’m never wrong about these things.”
“Trust me, no one is gettin’ any.” Taehyung snorts. “y/n over here basically has a whole ass boyfriend and isn’t even gettin’ any.”
Your insides start to twist at this mention but you try not to show it on your face.
Taehyung and Aeri are giggling when Taehyung lifts his drink and says, “Watch this! Hey everyone,” He looks at all of you with a confident smile. “Take a drink if you haven’t gotten laid in a while.” He wiggles his brows, even giving Aeri a cocky wink as he waits for you all to drink. But when Taehyung doesn’t see any hands reaching for drinks his cocky grin begins to falter. Aeri shrugs, her own cockiness showing now as she looks at him like it’s obvious.
“Uh…” Taehyung begins lowering his drink. “Okay….” He mumbles unsure, “Take a drink if you…have…? Like, have gotten laid recently…?”
Well, you and Jimin agreed you wouldn’t lie to anyone if the question was asked. And Taehyung kind of sort of has the exact question hanging in the air, waiting for an answer. You are the first to wrap your fingers around the glass that holds your mixed drink. You don’t look at anyone else as you bring it to your lips and take a sip. When you finally lift your eyes, they find Jimin who sits across from you and you see he is taking a sip of his drink as well. And then the dramatic ass gasp that leaves Taehyung’s lips can be heard and you glance around the table to see Hoseok and Dae have lifted their glasses as well as they drink back some of their alcohol…well, you knew about that already. But what surprises you is that Jeremy and Naomi are also sipping from their glasses.
“What?” Taehyung searches everyone’s eyes for answers. “You all…? Huh? Okay, okay.” He shakes his head, closing his eyes as he thinks for a moment. “How recent?” He looks at everyone again. No one says anything. “Okay…take a drink if it was like, a day ago.”
No one drinks and Taehyung sighs in relief but he notices everyone looks weird as hell so he continues. “Okay…take a drink if it was one week…?”
And then he dramatically gasps again as everyone awkwardly lifts their glasses, all eyes everywhere but each other. But then everyone does get a look at the other when too many pairs of eyes start widening. Taehyung points at his sister first, you are pointing at Naomi and Jeremy is pointing at Hoseok. Everyone’s looking real confused.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait!!!” Taehyung stands from his bar stool now, “What the fuck does that mean?”
Yes, Taehyung, you think. What the fuck does it mean?
One week ago
The way Jimin’s lips rub against yours as his hips roll into you makes you feel the sort of intimacy that terrifies you but in this moment there is nothing scary…just you and Jimin and this dreamy connection that makes your body feel like it’s floating.
You want to blame the brownie for this feeling but that high has already began to fade…only Jimin in your system at this point. And he didn’t lie. He is fucking you exactly how he said he would…he is fucking you the way you agreed, the way you chanted ‘yes’ over and over before you two even left for your bedroom. His words to you, his horrible, tragic, beautiful, dangerous and exceptional words that he whispered towards you on your couch.
“You want to get fucked y/n? You want me to fuck you? Me, right? You want me to fuck you like you’re my little slut? Fucked like you never been fucked before? Maybe you need me to fuck you like I’ve always fucked you, huh? You need to get fucked like someone is so, so in love with you? That the kind of fucking you need, babe? Need me to fuck you as if I was so, so in love with you? You want to get fucked like that?”
You never said yes a million times as fast as that. And he didn’t lie…he is fucking you exactly like that. He said ‘as if I was’ but if you are honest…the way he is fucking you, you might believe it if he told you he was still in love with you.
That is a ridiculous thought, you know. But every time his length slides in and out of you, hips rolling and eyes staying on yours…you feel that euphoria of being fucked in a way that feels like it is love. He’s just that good, you think.
You’re both panting, lips connecting every few moments to kiss—kisses that are so slow and deep, tongues taking their time and your bottom lip getting pulled lightly between his teeth. Your fingers caress his cheeks and he leans his forehead against yours, soaking in every light touch your fingers give his skin—eyes closing in satisfaction because your touch is just pure magic.
“I’m…” Jimin pauses, groaning in your mouth as he speeds up, thrusting just a little harder. “I’m going to come soon, babe.”
“Yeah?” You moan when his thumb makes contact with your clit, he puts just the right amount of pressure, circling it expertly.
“Mhm.” He nips at your lip, “Where do…” He releases a long breath, hips slamming into you just a bit harder. “Where should I…fuck, y/n, where should I—”
“We both know.” You whine. His thumb circles your clit faster, you feel your body start to tense, back arching as you prepare for what is to come.
Jimin’s eyes roll to the back of his head at what you are insinuating, satisfied with your response but he still prolongs his orgasm to ask you again. “Where baby?”
“Jimin…” You mewl, your orgasm already on the brink of arrival…”Please.”
Before you and Jimin started to have sex again, he discarded the first condom…it was full of his cum already and was uncomfortable but you were quick to guide his member back to your hole that needed to be filled. He didn’t object at the idea of fucking you raw…
“You want me to fill you with my cum, hm?” He starts picking up his pace again, his face right over yours, noses brushing and lips rubbing against each other so messily. “You need that?”
“Jimin.” Your mouth hangs open, body tensing intensely as you feel this build up start to overwhelm you. “I’m going to…” You can’t even finish that sentence when his thumb works harder and his cock hits a certain spot inside you that feels almost heavenly.
“Come for me babe.” He groans again. “Come for me, come for me like you always have.”
His words and everything else are enough to make you feel the kind of warmth that a long, intense, drawn out orgasm could give. You walls start squeezing around him so tightly and he is losing his mind over you. You, how you feel, how you look, everything.
“I’m going to…” His strokes don’t stop, regardless that he is about to come…his lips part when short, rapid breaths escape him. The moans he starts letting out as his cum shoots from the head of his cock and into the deepest parts of your core are so sinful. He doesn’t still his hips, he keeps fucking you but much more slowly, he pushes through to keep your orgasms intense and long. You might even come again when he whimpers—yes, whimpers at the feeling of fucking his cum into you.
You’re both feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated but his hips rolls into you a few more times, his cries of pleasure keeping you from stopping him. One more pump, then another before Jimin is finally stilling himself. Quick breaths hitting your lips as your own chest heaves. Jimin’s thumb leaves you when he raises it to his lips and sucks on it before taking your face with his hand, cupping it gently and leaning in for more slow kisses.
You kiss him back, lips moving over his as your hand reaches between your bodies and you carefully help him pull his cock out of you. Moaning into each other’s mouths when he’s finally no longer inside you and with his lips still connected to yours, he rolls over so you are laying side by side, still making out.
The room is hot, bodies sweaty, your skin sticking to his so easily. You can’t even process how you definitely need to replace these sheets before bed because his lips are still on yours and they are so addicting. You’ve never felt more obsessed with a pair of lips than this moment. It’s almost as if neither of you are prepared for this moment to end—for this night to end. Almost like if you two never stop then you don’t have to ever face the reality…maybe tomorrow will never arrive.
The kisses are slow and lazy and it sucks when you two finally pull away, foreheads resting against each other, soft breaths mingling. Jimin eyes you carefully, tenderly and you gaze back, both of you trying to communicate without saying words.
But words need to be said.
“Wow.” Jimin sighs out, “That was…” His voice gets a little quieter before a small smile pulls at his lips. “You’re very amazing.”
You crack a smile, “How amazing?”
“Most amazing.” Jimin quietly chuckles, leans in again to peck your lips. “What we just did…what we shared with one another just now…that’s rare.” He tells you, voice soft and almost careful.
“Rare?” You ask and he only hums in response. You don’t pry for an explanation and he doesn’t give one. Because you both know what he means. What you two just shared…the closeness, the connection, the intimacy…that is rare.
You and Jimin clean up, change the sheets and put on some clothes to sleep. Even though you are both more sober now and you two have officially pulled away to do other things, the atmosphere in the room has not changed. The night is still this night. Tomorrow is not here yet and no thought comforts either of you more.
You settle into your bed, blanket pulled up to your nose when Jimin slides in the sheets to lay next to you. It’s almost automatic how you scoot closer to him and he’s already welcoming you to lay your head on his chest. His arm wraps over you, stroking your arm softly. It is automatic when you nuzzle your face into his bare chest, inhaling his scent and listening closely for his heartbeat.
There is no feeling quite like this. There might not even be a feeling that can top this. This is a feeling you want to drown in. This is a feeling you want to kill you. You’d be fine, dying in this feeling because it means it’s the last thing you ever felt and you will leave this life and enter the next one with this feeling. This fucking feeling.
Even still, you are careful. Even with this feeling… you are careful. Careful because you have to be. Careful because you won’t be dying in this feeling…you will wake up tomorrow and this feeling is not allowed. So many words that could be said…between you and Jimin, there are millions of words that could stroke this feeling into something even more. But that is dangerous. So, you are careful. And so is he.
Nothing is said for a long while…you think over an hour has passed by and you believe Jimin must be fast asleep. You on the other hand…you are witnessing the night end and tomorrow arriving. And because of a fact so simple as that…the thoughts of reality are starting to settle in your messy little mind.
You aren’t even sure what to make of this entire night. What could it even mean? If it even means anything at all. Exes fall into each other’s beds all the time! This is not some rare instance…this is not some crazy thing that never happens. You know that, you get that. Feeling familiar with someone can be so, so dangerous. You are learning that. But that doesn’t always mean something deep. You know that too, you get that too. This is probably—
“Can’t sleep?” Jimin’s raspy voice slightly startles you, “Sorry.” He chuckles quietly. “I can tell you’re still awake.” He tells you, taking a pause before continuing. “Are you overthinking everything like me?”
You let silence linger for a moment before snuggling closer to him, “You know,” You whisper out, trying to gather your thoughts. “I’m supposed to give Namjoon an answer about me and him…I should be thinking about that. I should be having a lot of thoughts about that. But I’m here having no thoughts about it because I think you fucked those thoughts out of my head.” You scoff quietly at yourself. “Instead I am thinking about how tonight you gave me the best orgasms I have ever had in my life.”
“In your life?” Jimin asks, trying to stop his lips from curving into some sort of satisfied smile.
“Yeah.” You hum, “I mean, don’t get me wrong…in the past you also gave me great orgasms but this was…I don’t know. I’m sure the last time we had sex I came hard too but this—”
“The last time…? The last time we had sex…?” Jimin’s soft voice is hushed. “y/n…do you not remember?”
“Remember what?”
“We didn’t come last time. The morning of my flight. We had sex but neither of us came.” He tells you, “We uh, we never got that far.”
“Oh.” You blink, “That sounds like it sucks, sorry. No wonder you cried.” You can’t help but chuckle and he shakes his head.
“No. It was amazing.” He tells you quickly, “It was emotional, yeah…but even though I didn’t finish…I had never felt more satisfied at that time in my life. I just wanted to be close to you, y/n. As close as physically and emotionally as possible.” He nuzzles his face into the top of your head. “I felt so connected to you…that even in those moments of pleasure, even without climaxing, I felt so fucking good. And maybe it was just me…”
“What?”
“I didn’t even feel like I needed to finish…just having that connection with you…I felt like I was at the edge already, the edge of the Earth. And I jumped. I jumped and I drowned in you. You drowned me, y/n. Drowned me in every bit of love your body and soul could give me. It was one of the most powerful things I’ve experienced and yeah, I cried.” He chuckles, “I cried because I knew I would never have that again.”
“Oh.”
“And when we decided to stop…and I left your body I don’t think I had ever felt more empty.”
You’re quiet. His words finding a spot in your mind, making themselves at home as you decide they are allowed to live there forever. You release a breath before finally deciding to respond. “Well,” You lift your head to look at him, the room just light enough from the almost rising sun that you two can lock eyes. He gazes at you expectantly, waiting for you to say something. “…I mean, technically wouldn’t it have been me who felt empty? You know,” you gesture towards your lady bits, “Since—”
Jimin snorts, laughing at your smart ass mouth and squeezing you to his body. “Yeah, yeah.”
Your face breaks into a small grin, “But uh, that was um, pretty.”
“Pretty?” Jimin quirks a brow. “What was?”
“Your words. Like poetry. Your words are pretty. Just like you.”
Jimin can’t help but lean more into the pillow and smile up at the ceiling now. “Pretty like the moon?”
“Like the moon.” You tell him, “But Jimin.” You glance over at the window, “The moon is no longer in the sky…and the sun is starting to take its place. A new day is arriving and…”
Jimin squeezes you even tighter towards him when he sighs out. “I know.” He whispers. “A new day means this day is over. And…”
“And the day that is over can’t bleed into tomorrow.” You finish for him. “You know?”
“I know.” Jimin sighs again, “But…can we pretend the sun doesn’t control our day? Just for now. Can we live in this night until we wake up and it is actually tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” You lay your head back down on his chest, “We can do that.”
~
It’s after 1pm when you and Jimin finally wake up. It’s not necessarily awkward but there is an understanding between you both…and understanding that last night’s events were exactly that—last night’s events—and nothing more. You have reasons and he has reasons and neither of you really speak on those reasons but you both know they’re there and you both have them and that has to be enough.
“Okay, I’ll get going.” Jimin starts gathering his things and makes his way towards your door to slide on his shoes. “We’ll talk later, yeah?” He smiles at you and his smile is making this weird, dangerous warmth start heating up your body. But you can’t show any sign that this heat is creeping up your neck, onto your cheeks and so on.
“Yeah. Get home safe.” You return his smile, a smile so calm and careful.
“I will.” Jimin nods at you, “See you.”
And he is opening the door, turning his head to steal one last glance at you before walking through and closing the door behind him.
Your eyes stay on your white wood door for a few seconds, your calm and careful smile still on your face when you finally release a long, long breath that you had been holding and your smile drops completely. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. That’s the only real words in your mind right now.
“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.” And the only real words you’re even able to mutter at the moment. You blink repeatedly, eyes still on your door as the reality hits you hard. Oh fucking shit, you think. You finally turn towards the inside of your home and your legs are moving on their own as you start searching for your phone. You finally find the device stuck between the couch cushions and you are scrambling to unlock it and call the person you need to freaking call. Your one and only, your best friend.
You wait on the line as it rings and rings and finally Hoseok answers.
“Hello?”
“Hoseok!” You screech into the phone.
“Hi.” He sings, “Wait, hold on.” He tells you and you try to wait as patiently as possible. “Hey…Taehyung just got here. Me, him and Dae are going to grab some lunch before we get ready for Dae’s work party tonight. Can I call you later?”
“Oh my god.” You groan, “You being busy is ruining my life!”
“Dramatic as always. What’s up? What happened?”
“Nothing. Just call me later, okay? When do you get home?”
“Tomorrow afternoon!”
“Oh my god, just…” You groan again. “Whatever. Tell them I say hi. Have fun tonight, love you.”
“Will do. Love you with all my heart. See ya!” And then he’s quickly hanging up and leaving you to think about this all by yourself.
~
It’s almost noon on Sunday now and you aren’t sure if Hoseok is home yet but you need to talk to him. Even if he’s still driving and it’s just over the phone. You’re desperate at this point. You’re sitting at your kitchen island, phone in your hands as you click on the screen to call him. This dude answers on the first ring.
“Hoseok!—”
“—y/n!”
You both yell at the same time, and neither of you waste another second or even wait for the other to just respond before you’re both yelling again.
“Code Red!” You shout in unison.
“What?” You ask, puzzled. “You’re Code Red?”
“You’re Code Red?” He asks on the other line. “Why are you Code Red?”
“No, why are you Code Red?”
“Holy fuck, why are we both—”
“Come over dude. I just got home, this is an emergency!” Hoseok shouts, “Fucking Code Red bro.”
“Trust me, I know it’s a fucking emergency dude!”
“Hurry up.”
~
You and Hoseok sit at his dining room table, looking and feeling antsy as hell. Legs shaking up and down, throats feeling dry, eyes boring into the other.
“You go first.” You look at Hoseok anxiously and he shakes his head quickly and motions for you to go first. “Okay.” You nod, “Let’s just go at the same time. Let’s just say whatever it is.” Hoseok nods now too, agreeing right away with the plan. “Okay, count of three. One…two…THREE!”
“I had sex with—”
“I had sex with—” You both shout but stop as soon as you both realize what you guys are saying.
“Woah, woah, woah.” Your eyes go wide. “Who the hell did you have sex with?”
Hoseok gives you an unimpressed look, “Oh come on, y/n. Who the hell do you think it was?!”
“Fair. But what?! How!? How did that…? You guys fucked for real?! You and…Dae?!”
Hoseok shudders just at the mention of her name, “I don’t know how it happened!” He groans into his hands, “We just…I don’t know!” He yells out.
“Were you guys like, really drunk at the party?!”
“Holy fuck this just keeps getting worse.” Hoseok’s lips set into a line. “We were fucking sober.”
“Oh my god…” You can’t help but snort. “Come on Hobi…is this really such a surprise?”
“YES?” He looks at you incredulously. “She is my frenemy!”
“But you guys have fucked before!”
“Because…because we had to!”
“…Had to?” You look at him with a straight face.
“Trust me, y/n. We had so much tension back then! After she beat me at the competition it only made sense that I fuck her?!?????”
“Oh my god…” You start laughing, “You’re so ridiculous. So what? She humiliated you again?? You had to what? Punish—” You can’t even finish that because you’re laughing harder now.
“Ha-Ha!” Hoseok rolls his eyes and once you stop laughing Hoseok continues, voice a little quieter. “I was pretending to be her boyfriend, remember? Well, I don’t know, it felt nice…all the small things.” He mumbles with a pout. “And then she mentioned she felt like no one really believed us so I kissed her—”
“Of course you did.” You giggle, “Classic. What movie is this?”
“Shut up.” Hoseok deadpans. “Anyway, we left and then yeah, we had sex.”
“And that’s Code Red?”
“It’s Code Red because I woke up early and bolted.” He says with a straight face and your jaw drops.
“What?”
“Yeah.”
“You are dumb as hell.” You say with an equally straight face.
“She texted me and I tried explaining it was a mistake and you know, whatever, whatever.”
“Do you think it was a mistake?”
“I don’t know!” He throws his hands up, “I’m so…I really don’t know!”
“Damn…”
“But anyway, I had sex with Dae but who the hell did you have sex with? That’s the real fucking question.”
Suddenly you’re quiet. Hoseok narrows his eyes at you and he tries studying your expression, doing his best to figure it out. “Okay…it can’t be Namjoon. No, because that wouldn’t be Code Red…you have been expecting to have sex with him so who…” Then his eyes are widening and his mouth opens and a dumb ass smile starts forming. “Oh my god.” He points at you. Fucking accusing you…”You fucked Jimin.” He says matter of fact.
Your eyes get just as wide as he assumes correctly. You still don’t say anything and he’s losing it.
“You totally…oh my god, you fucked Jimin!” He’s still pointing at you, stupid ass grin on his face because he knows he is right. You continue to look shocked before you drop your head to the dining table before groaning and dramatically crying out.
“Oh my god…” You whine, “I totally fucked Jimin.”
“Holy shit!” Hoseok still hasn’t closed his mouth, he’s…surprised but not surprised but like super surprised but also not. “Oh my god. You fucked Jimin, dude.”
“I fucked Jimin, dude.” You start banging your head on the table. “I’m a Jimin fucker.”
Finally, Hoseok closes his mouth and scrunches his brows together. “For some reason I don’t like the way that sounds so let’s not say it that way again.” Then he breathes out, “But still…you fucked Jimin. This is crazy.”
You finally lift your head, eyes beginning to pool with worry. “It is crazy.”
Hoseok notices you look a little off now as you stare at him and he softens, “Is it?”
“Yes.” You tell him simply, voice unsure. “It’s crazy for multiple reasons. And I feel like I don’t even have to tell you all the reasons because you can probably guess. And realistically you could probably come up with even more reasons than me.”
“Should I start listing some?” He lightly teases but you frown at him. “Oh come on, you fucked your ex who you are like, really close with. Are you surprised?”
“Yes?” You slump your shoulders, “But like, no?”
“Yeah.” Hoseok offers a half smile. “You guys are…well, you’re really close. Anyone can see that and sure, it could be totally platonic. I think you two might really be capable of that. But I also understand there is a long history there. And there’s probably so many things between you both no one else would even begin to understand—”
“Maybe Taehyung.” You blink at Hoseok and he snorts.
“Okay, maybe Taehyung.” He laughs, his head shaking before he continues. “If I’m being honest with you, y/n. I know he broke your heart and I know I don’t know the full story. I don’t know everything and I don’t know his side. And he’s my friend…and even if he wasn’t…it’s probably not fair to judge an entire situation without knowing all the sides, right?”
“You hated him before.” You deadpan.
“That was a few months ago…I’ve…” He starts nodding, eyes glancing up as he thinks. “…Matured?” He decides to go with that. “Anyway, regardless of what happened…you’re both in each other’s lives now, right? You’re close. You enjoy one another. Yada, Yada. Look, it’s not that big of a deal that you two had sex—”
“It was the intimate kind.” You let the words slip out quickly.
“Oh?” Hoseok raises a brow, “Like…how intimate?”
“Like, it felt like love, intimate.” You blurt but then try to recover, “I mean…I know it wasn’t that but I’m just saying that what it felt like.”
Hoseok lips part slightly as he realizes what you are saying. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” You swallow, “I’m not saying we…it’s just…that’s the kind of sex we had.”
“Well,” Hoseok glances around trying to think of what to say next to try his best to comfort you, you’re sure but when his eyes start to expand you realize he is finally putting together some other important pieces here. “Wait.”
“Yup.” You blurt blandly.
“What about Namjoon?” He asks, eyes still wide.
“Exactly.” You frown, “That’s exactly what I’m thinking. What about Namjoon…”
Hoseok stands from his chair abruptly, your eyes following him as he gives you a nod and he heads towards his kitchen, pulls out a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“We’re drinking?”
“When we’re both in a Code Red situation, drinking seems completely appropriate.”
“That…yeah, that checks out.” You stand as well and meet him in the kitchen, watching him open the wine bottle and fill both of your glasses to the absolute brim.
“So,” He hands you your glass. “What are you going to do about Namjoon? I mean, did you have sex with Jimin because you guys are in love or like, did you two fuck because well, fucking your ex is easy?”
“Holy shit.” You murmur, bringing the glass to your lips as you suck up some of the wine that is close to spilling over.
“Yeah, holy shit is right, sister.”
“We…we aren’t in love. But I think it would also be the easy way out to say we just had sex because it was an easy option.”
“How do you know you aren’t in love?” Hoseok softens even more, his tone careful with you.
“Trust me, if we were in love…wouldn’t we be together right now? Wouldn’t the sex maybe would have set off the type of chain of events where we aren’t pretending it didn’t happen?”
“Is…” Hoseok nibbles on his lip. “Don’t tell me you two are pretending…oh, that doesn’t seem like you two.”
“I know what you’re thinking. It’s not necessarily like pretending like totally avoiding and shit, but more like…it happened but it won’t happen again. We both get that.”
“But why?”
“Be-because? First, I owe Namjoon a fucking answer and probably the truth. And second…I don’t know.”
“You said the sex would have maybe set off a chain events where you two would want to be together again, right? But it didn’t? Did you ever think it’s because it just isn’t that simple, y/n? If it was that simple…then I feel like your actual relationship and dynamic has no depth. But because it’s more complex,” Hoseok picks up his own wine glass, stares at the liquid and sighs out heavily before continuing. “Well, I think it just proves how real it is.”
You stare at your best friend, mind beginning to race with thoughts you don’t even want to think about but maybe saying them out loud is a good way to ease your own mind.
“You’re right.” Your eyes fall to the counter top, “It is complex. He broke my heart, sure. But I’m not the only one who needs to work through things. He has stuff too.” A small smile creeps on your lips, “I could shove down my own problems and new insecurities to start new—whoever that may be with—but I could never expect him…especially at this point in time, to just get over his own trauma.”
“Trauma?” Hoseok pulls his brows together. “What do you mean?”
“Right.” You gulp. Eyes lifting back to meet his, “I can’t share it because I don’t know how comfortable Jimin would be with it but yeah, he just…he has things and anyway, it is complex.”
“I’m not sure my situation is even complex.” Hoseok chuckles. “I’m just a chicken.”
“I’ll drink to that.” You wink, taking a sip of your wine and Hoseok flips you off.
“I’m just…I’m wanting the right one, you know? But it’s come to my attention I don’t know who that is and maybe I do. But how do I really know? And I don’t know. I’m stupid.”
“You aren’t stupid. You’re like every other human being on this planet. Scared.”
“But what am I scared of?”
“Love?” You shrug.
“No, love is this amazing thing!”
“Love is an amazing thing but when there’s good there’s bad!” You throw back at him. “And no one prepares their heart for the bad. Trust me.”
“Or” Hoseok sets his wine down, his eyes finding yours and you can see how the dark browns swirling around also swirl with sincerity. “We do prepare for the bad but we don’t like how it feels to imagine that and that’s why we’re scared. Because maybe we’ve gotten a taste and decided you know what? Is the good worth all this bad again?”
“Well,” You set your glass down as well. “Then I guess all I can say is…being human sucks.”
~~~~~
Monday morning and you are at the office much earlier than usual. Hoseok walks in some time after you and eyes you strangely as he sets up his desk.
“If you tell me you have not even slept…I swear—”
“Does 40 minutes count?” You cut him off, eyes on your screen. “Because if it does then I totally slept.”
“For your sake I’ll just agree that it counts.” Hoseok shakes his head before sitting down.
“And for your sake I doubled the amount.” You mumble to yourself, eyes still on your screen as you try to convert this document. “So,” You click the mouse repeatedly, and…annoyingly. “Namjoon is out of town this week so I will have to live with my sins a little longer.”
Hoseok glances over at you, pity smile on his lips. “Maybe that’s good? Gives you more time to think.”
“Thinking is literally the last thing I want to—”
“Sup guys.” Jeremy comes towards you both, stopping at his desk to set his coffee down. “Is uh, is Naomi here yet?”
You just continue to look at your screen, clicking your mouse as you shake your head.
Jeremy releases a long breath before adjusting his jacket, “Okay. Cool, cool.” He finally takes his seat.
“Why?” Hoseok turns in his chair to face Jeremy, “Need her for some—”
“Nope. No. No. Nah.” Jeremy shakes his head with his hands waving in front of him. “Just wondering. Yup, just having uh, wonders. It was…I was just…wonder—anyway, uh, have you guys umm, talked to her? Like over the weekend?”
You continue to stare at your screen, mouse clicking and you shake your head…again.
“Yeah, that’s cool. Okay, cool, cool.” Jeremy nods along, hands still adjusting his jacket.
“O…kay.” Hoseok gives Jeremy a confused look before turning in his chair to face you again. “Jeremy is being weird, y/n.”
“Jeremy is always weird, Hoseok.” You say, eyes probably straining thanks to the screen.
“No. Just look at him.” Hoseok whispers and you finally tear your eyes away, glancing in their direction when you snort.
“What…what are you wearing?” You raise a brow at Jeremy.
“What?” Jeremy starts to feel antsy. “Is it weird? It’s weird right. The jacket? Is it too much?”
“Uh, it’s not that. Just…why?” You look at Hoseok and he shrugs, holding in his own laugh.
“I can’t look nice?” Jeremy decides to act sassy. “You’re a slob half the time but I don’t try to make you feel weird when you wear a skirt!”
“Jeez.” You raise your hands in surrender, stifling your own laughter as well. “Fair point.”
“Hello friends!” Naomi’s voice can be heard, your turn your head to get a look at her when she walks towards you guys, her curls bouncing cutely above her shoulders. “Morning.” She says…only to you and Hoseok. “Love seeing my friends here.”
“Yeah, hi.” You eye her over…she usually does look decently nice for work but this is…”You look pretty…is there an occasion? Are you and Jeremy going somewhere after working or something?”
“HA!” Naomi giggles, almost forced when she grins wide before spinning on her heels to face Jeremy. “Well, hello, Jeremiah.”
“Naomi-iah.” He stands from his chair, hands still freaking adjusting the jacket.
“That’s like…neither of their names, right?” Hoseok whispers towards you and you shake your head before continuing to watch this weird ass interaction.
“Love coming to work to see my friends! Even you! Wow, especially you! Right? My friend?” Naomi flutters her lashes as she always does, smile still wide while Jeremy nods enthusiastically.
“Of course! Because I’m your friend. And uh, well, you’re my friend.” Then his head bobs around as he looks at you and Hoseok too. “We are all friends! Love being friends. I love having friends. Friends are so cool—”
“Exactly. You just love your friends so much!” Naomi starts laughing, “You are like, friend of the year.”
“I sure am. But uh, y/n is right! You look nice!” He forces a grin.
“Wow, thank you!” Naomi continues to smile, lashes still fluttering. “And you look…” She eyes him up and down, smile still in place when she blinks awkwardly. “…weird.”
“I-I-I-“
“Well,” Naomi smiles even wider, “Got to get to work, am I right, friends?” And then she walks off to her desk as Jeremy mumbles to himself, eyeing over his outfit.
“Weird.” You mouth at Hoseok and he shrugs.
~
Tuesday evening when you hear from Jimin for the first time since you saw him last. The texts are pretty awkward but at least he’s texting you.
Jimin 7:03pm
So have u eaten
y/n 7:10pm
yeah I have
Jimin 7:10pm
Oh ok
y/n 7:12pm
have you
Jimin 7:12pm
Uhhhhh not yet but I guess I should lol
y/n 7:12pm
I have leftovers if you want them
Jimin 7:13pm
Youre invited me over?
y/n 7:13pm
seems like it right
Jimin 7:15pm
Right
y/n 7:18pm
come on jimin just come over
Jimin 7:20pm
Its to talk about things isn’t it lol
y/n 7:22pm
you don’t think we should?
Jimin 7:23pm
No I definitely think we should
y/n 7:23pm
alright then come
Jimin 7:38pm
On my way
“This is pretty good.” Jimin says with his mouth full, the last bite finally conquered as he finishes the left overs you offered him.
“I know, right?” You smile, “It’s new. Opened up like less than two years ago.”
Jimin stands from the island and throws away his container and goes to the sink to wash his hands. “Didn’t you have a rule about trying to eat home cooked meals on week days?”
“Well,” You laugh, “Things change!”
“Yeah.” Jimin dries his hands on the towelette before turning to you. “I guess they do…so, should we go into the living room?” He gestures towards the area of your sofa and you nod, standing from your chair and heading in that direction. Jimin follows, deciding not to sit too far from you so it doesn’t seem like he is being awkward and purposely staying away…but maybe he is sitting too close. Not even a foot of space between you both but nothing is said about it.
“So.” Jimin stares ahead, eyes on your black TV screen.
“So.” You decide to follow his gaze, the black TV screen looking so entertaining. “Um.”
“Um.” He copies.
You release a breath before laughing to yourself, eyes falling to your lap now. “We are usually so good at talking and being open…why are we being so awkward?”
“So awkward, right?” Jimin laughs too, his head titling in your direction. “Let’s just say it. We had sex. And we want to discuss it. But are we discussing it like how it went?” He cracks a smile, “Or discussing what it meant? Why did we do that? What we should do now?”
“All of the above?” You lean back into the sofa cushion, small smile as well. “First, I think we can both admit sex between us has always been great so no surprise there.”
“That’s true.” Jimin hums. “It felt natural being with you but there was also something about it that felt so…thrilling. It felt brand new while also feeling like ho—well, I don’t know.” Jimin finishes timidly.
“Yeah, I don’t know either.” You gulp, both knowing. “So…why did we do that?”
“You’re skipping over ‘what it meant’ already?” Jimin teases, “But uh, it would be bad to blame the brownie, right?” He chuckles, relaxing his shoulders some as he leans back on the couch as well. “Because even I know that even if the brownie was not a part of the equation…”
“What?”
“It was going to happen regardless.” Jimin tells you simply. “At least I would have wanted it to.”
You sigh out, eyes going to the ceiling. Yeah, you believe that actually. “Are you saying it was a matter of time?” You turn your head towards Jimin, crooked smile on your face. “That because everything is so familiar with me that we were bound to hook up?”
“Familiar? You think I only wanted to fuck you because it was familiar, y/n?” Jimin turns his head to face you as well. “I fucked you because I am very attracted to you and we have great chemistry.” He shrugs his shoulders, head facing forward again. “I fucked you because you’re you.”
“Oh.”
“Did you only have sex with me because I’m your ex and it seemed familiar?” Jimin asks you, voice quieter.
“It makes things easier.” You respond. Jimin turns his head towards you again, eyes finding yours before he narrows them, not really believing your answer.
“But no,” You sigh out, “I guess not. Your reasons seem relatable.”
“Hmm.” Jimin continues to gaze at you, “You can be honest y/n. If you only wanted me that night because you were just…in the mood for something like that…and I was an easy option—”
“No!” You lift your head and lean towards him, “That’s not what I—I didn’t mean to come across that way.”
Jimin’s lips lift into a smile, “I know.”
“You know?” You ask and he hums.
“Yeah. The way we fucked babe, you really think I would think you would only want something like that just because you were horny? Yeah, no.”
“Jimin—”
“If you were just looking to get fucked don’t you think you would have just done it with Namjoon by now? But Namjoon isn’t what you wanted,” His voice goes lower, eyes boring into yours. “Now was it?”
He makes it sound so simple—and maybe it is. But you think you might refuse the idea of it being that easy. “W-What do we do now?”
“Still avoiding what it meant?” Jimin decides to tease you again, lips curved into one of his addicting smiles. “That’s okay.”
“It meant…” You start chewing on your lips, realizing you are avoiding that one because you haven’t even really thought about what it could mean. “I don’t know.”
“Me either.” Jimin’s smile continues to charm you. “And I think it’s okay that we don’t know right now. But what to do…”
“Yeah.”
“You’re very important to me, y/n.” Jimin breathes out, “So important.”
“I know.” You smoosh your cheek into the couch cushion, “You’re important to me too.”
“You’re in this thing with Namjoon…I don’t mean like,” His eyes widen a bit as he stares at you, “It’s not like thing, thing—an official thing—right? But it’s a situation? I mean, he’s…are you going to tell him?”
“Yeah,” you close your eyes briefly, hating that you have to tell Namjoon about this. “I am. I feel like I owe him that much. Not sure how he will react. If he will be angry or just disappointed.”
“I don’t know either.” Jimin admits. “But say things go okay…he still wants to be in a relationship with you…what are you going to do?”
“What…” You pause. You can’t believe you are on the verge of asking Jimin what you should do…you are really on the verge of asking Jimin to tell you what it is you think you should do because apparently it matters to you—his thoughts and opinions.
“Hm?”
“What do you think I should do?” You blurt.
“You…” Jimin raises his brows at you, “You want me to tell you what I think?”
“Yeah.”
“I think you know already, y/n. Not just what I think but what you think. But you are fighting it and I cannot figure out why.”
“Fighting it?”
“Mhm.” Jimin looks at you with a softness, a softness that seems to be bleeding into another look. Maybe one of guilt. “If I had to guess it would be because you’re just wanting something or someone and you know he’s good, maybe even safe. You’re afraid to ever feel something again like you had with me.”
“Okay.” You stare at him, slowly nodding your head. “Maybe.”
“And that’s one reason why what we did cannot happen again. Right?” Jimin tilts his head just slightly, a smile that is barely there on his lips.
You feel your chest tighten as the words leave his mouth, “Right.” You whisper. “And another reason is because of you. Right?”
Jimin’s lips curve just a little higher, his eyes shining with his understanding—and your understanding. “Right.”
“We’ve moved on.” You state simply. “So, of course we wouldn’t fall into what we did again.”
“Oh?” Jimin’s lips start tugging into something sly. “So, you are telling me you won’t even think about it then?”
“The sex we had?” You question and he grins.
“Yeah. You won’t think about it? Won’t let your mind wander?”
“Even if it did…doesn’t mean—Listen, I’ve been successful. You think I haven’t thought about you like that? Nothing happened!”
“But…something did happen?” Jimin chuckles, “You weren’t successful.”
“Did you…did you ever think about—“
“I told you when I was fucking you that I had.”
“Yeah but—”
“I wasn’t just saying things to turn you on. Everything I said was the truth. I have been desperate to kiss you for some time.”
You can’t help but snort, “Desperate is a pretty serious word, Jimin.”
“It’s been pretty serious.” He laughs back. “Even with knowing it’s not a good idea or something I should do…even right now I am thinking about kissing you.”
Your mouth falls open, surprise gracing your features before you lean more forward to hit his arm. “You are not!”
“I definitely am.” He smirks. “Maybe I’ll be thinking about that forever. Who knows.”
“You really have no shame.” You roll your eyes, covering your mouth with your hand, doing your best to hide your growing smile. “You can’t just say that.”
“At least let me say it since I can’t do it.” Jimin jokes. “But anyway, y/n.” He grows a little more serious, “We’re okay?”
“Yeah, we are.” You smile towards him. “Want to watch a show?”
“Might as well.” Jimin returns your smile before standing from the sofa, walking to the other side to grab your designated blanket. He comes back to his spot but instead of a foot of distance between you both, he sits right next to you, thighs glued together. “Cold.” He mumbles as he lays the blanket over both of your laps.
You reach for the TV remote, turning it on to Netflix. “A movie?”
“Sounds good to me,” Jimin says, head leaning on your shoulder, “Pick whatever you want.”
~
You aren’t really sure Jimin is paying too much attention to the movie you chose…every time you steal a glance at him, you see how his eyes are on your lap. His fingers play with yours and so much warmth starts radiating off of your body. You don’t know what he is thinking or how he is feeling in the moment.
“Are you bored?” You whisper at him, “You look bored.”
“Not at all.” Jimin murmurs, “I am having a nice time actually.”
“You aren’t even watching the movie.” You laugh, pointing out the obvious. “Your eyes have only been on our hands.”
“Your hands are nice.”
“So you would rather watch them than this movie? Yeah, you’re bored.”
“Not bored.” Jimin chuckles, his eyes finally lifting to look at you. And then he speaks slowly, “Touching you isn’t boring for me.”
His touch relaxes you but his words send a strange feeling throughout your body. Tingles maybe.
“You’re saying you could touch me forever and have fun then?” You quirk a brow, “You’d never get bored?”
“Is there a world where you let me touch you forever?” Jimin’s lips curve up, “Sounds like my ideal world.”
“Shut up.” You shake your head, “Don’t tell me something like that.”
“Like what?”
“That you have an ideal world and I’m in it.”
“You aren’t just in it. In the ideal world I get to touch you.” He whispers.
“Then are you in your ideal world then? You’re touching me right now.”
“In my ideal world I am touching you a whole lot more than this.” Jimin’s tone falls lower, his eyes on yours and you want to shudder…because the tingles are here again and they are starting to feel dangerous to your health.
“How much more?” Your breaths are soft but one leaves your mouth shaky and Jimin knows he’s got your mind wandering.
“Don’t ask a question that you aren’t prepared to hear the answer.” Jimin’s fingers start threading through yours. “The only hint I can give you is that it’s so much touching that you would be aching to touch me back.”
“Would I?” You tease, smirk on your lips while Jimin rolls his eyes at you, scoffing at how much of a tease you are.
“Yes.”
“How do you know?”
“I know because I know you.”
“Do you though?” You continue to tease him, your own fingers playing with his. “It’s been five years, Jimin. People change.”
Jimin starts chuckling, his hand leaving yours. He raises his head and turns it towards you, just a few inches from your face when he gazes into your eyes, a specific glint inside them. “That doesn’t work anymore, y/n.” He tells you softly, “I know you now. I know you all over again. I know this y/n. I know you.”
Your breath gets stuck inside your throat somewhere. As much as you would love to breathe—you can’t. Not when Jimin stares at you like this…stares at you like he really does know you. Stares at you with eyes full of some unreadable emotion. You look at him, trying your best to read his expression. You finally release a long breath, still staring when it finally hits you. You can read him—you can read him well. You know exactly what he wants.
“You want to kiss me.” The worlds tumble out of your mouth quickly and quietly and Jimin’s smile drops and his eyes expand but before he can save himself and maybe even lie to you…you lean in and plant your lips on top of his.
You weren’t thinking…not exactly. You just followed whatever your body wanted. And it seems Jimin is doing the same. The moment your lips touched his, he already had his hands traveling across your waist until they are now cupping the back of your neck, his own lips working over yours.
You don’t know how long you two have been kissing but it feels good, there isn’t even tongue yet but it’s still messy and hot. The low groaning coming from Jimin is making every nerve in your body react, your fingers tugging his hair and pulling him closer to you, leading his body over yours as you start to lay back.
Jimin is quick to slot himself between your legs, getting as close as possible to you while his lips never leave yours. When he lightly bites down on your bottom lip, tugging it back and making you buck your hips into his crotch, he finally slides his tongue in your mouth. Warm, wet and sloppy and so fucking hypnotizing. Especially the way he starts grinding into you.
Jimin pulls away from your lips so he can start exploring other parts of you with his mouth. His tongue glides across your jaw, your head leaning further back, a soft moan leaving you while Jimin continues to grind. He sucks a spot on your neck while his hands get busy—he wastes no time—his fingers already at your pants, trying his best to unbutton them quickly while he kisses your skin.
“Wait, wait.” You whine, eyes slamming shut. “I’m on my period.” Your own hands go to his to stop him from taking your pants off. Jimin leans away from you before he smirks.
“You know I don’t care.” He whispers, his lips finding yours again. He pecks your lips over and over, his fingers still trying to mess with the button. Your eyes roll back, wanting nothing more than for him to do whatever it is he wants with you. But you stop him again, smile on your lips as you cup his face.
“It’s not light.” You inform him, “It’s okay, seriously.”
Jimin breathes out roughly, his forehead coming down to yours as he calms himself down. “Okay, okay.” He tells you, “That’s okay—”
“You’re hard?”
Jimin disconnects his forehead from yours just barely, only for his eyes to meet your eyes. “y/n.” He moans your name and you feel yourself grow warmer and warmer. Jimin licks his lips before continuing, “You know I’m so hard right now. I’m so fucking hard for you.”
“Let me take care of you.” You begin rising from the couch, your hands on his chest as you push him back. “Let me make you feel good.”
“I feel good already babe.” Jimin gazes at you, his eyes softening but the lust is still very much alive in them.
“You like looking at my hands right?” You push Jimin even more, his back hitting the couch cushion. “Don’t you want to see them wrapped around your cock?”
Jimin freezes for only a second, his chest beginning to heave more and more as he lets the image of you playing with his cock linger in his mind.
“You were right, Jimin.”
“About what?” He struggles to speak coherently, his dick so painfully erect now.
“You do touch me in a way that I ache to touch you back.” Your fingers go to his jeans, already unbuttoning them and sliding down the zipper. “My ideal world…fuck,” You help him get his jeans off, your hand dipping inside his briefs. “I touch you too.” Your fingers barely brush against his member but you can feel it react instantly. It twitches and Jimin’s eyes become half lidded as he stares at you. “This is my ideal world, Jimin.”
“Then touch me…fuck,” He whines, struggling to keep his eyes open and on you. Your fingers wrap around the shaft, barely stroking him when he breathes harder and harder. “Fucking touch me more baby.”
“More? Maybe my hands aren’t enough for you Jimin.” You finally pull his member out as Jimin’s own hands scramble to tug his underwear down to his thick thighs. “You don’t want to come all over my hands right? You’d rather come down my throat, huh? You’d rather have me swallow your cum, taste you and crave you later when you aren’t here.”
“You would crave me, wouldn’t you?” Jimin’s raspy voice makes your head spin. This entire scene in front of you makes your head spin actually. The way he looks at you, eyes barely open, his lips extra plump and swollen from kissing and his chest rising and falling quickly. “Because you’re so addicted to me.”
He nailed it, you think. You are addicted…the way he kisses, the way he touches, the way he fucks, the way he just exists in front of you.
“I am.” You tell him, eyes on his while you lower your face to his cock, wasting no time in wrapping your lips around the head.
“y/n…” Jimin whimpers your name, his eyes closing for a moment. “I love this…love this…”
You know he does. You know this addiction has you doing things you both agreed you wouldn’t do because you couldn’t—because you shouldn’t. Yet here you are, pleasing Jimin until he tenses beneath you and spilling all of his warm cum into your mouth. And here he is drowning in you all over again.
~~~~~
“What is up with them?” You whisper to Hoseok, both of you staring at Naomi and Jeremy from across the table as they blatantly ignore one another.
“By the way, y/n…” Jeremy gets your attention but stops midway to take a bite of his lunch, “It’s Wednesday, don’t forget to help me print out my report.”
“Uh huh.” You nod, eyes going between him and Naomi. “Are you guys like…okay?”
“Us?” Naomi gestures between her and Jeremy. “Obviously. What great friends like us wouldn’t be okay?”
“Exactly.” Jeremy mumbles with his mouth full. “We’re amazing.”
“Oh dude, how was your date on Friday? What’s this one’s name again?” Hoseok asks, dipping pineapple into some sauce. “It was date two, right?”
Jeremy swallows his food before glancing at Naomi awkwardly, “Yeah, it was good. Her name is Mimi. I’m supposed to see her again sometime this weekend, maybe Saturday but I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Naomi stares ahead, eating her own lunch. “Right, you seem to not know a lot of things, huh?”
Jeremy rolls his eyes at this, “Anyway, she’s a nice girl—”
“Well, if you like her so much you should definitely go out with her again!” Naomi turns her head towards Jeremy and smiles. “But you know, don’t tell her you like her if you aren’t even sure though. That would be pretty fucked up.” She tells him, smile still on her face before she turns to look at you and Hoseok. “Right, guys? Imagine?”
“Yeah…” You blink at them, still so confused what is going on.
The four of you get back to your office and continue working for the day. It’s around 4 when your boss, Mr. Lincoln calls for a meeting. You groan, not wanting to get lectured again on whatever it is he wants improved. You and Hoseok share a look with one another as you take your seats in the meeting room, waiting for whatever it is Mr. Lincoln wants to scold your office for.
“Alright!” Mr. Lincoln claps his hands together, “I know most of you have already heard by now but I will be taking a leave for a few months! Some other business I have to attend to but no worries, my wife’s very capable nephew will be coming to fill in for a bit.”
“Great.” Hoseok leans in to whisper, his voice annoyed. “I bet this person doesn’t know shit.”
“Same.” You mutter back.
Mr. Lincoln glances at the two of you before he continues, “If you think I can be hard on you all then you will finally realize how easy it is here with me.” He starts to chuckle, shaking his head lightly. “My nephew takes his roles very seriously. Please keep that in mind when you try to goof off. You, especially.” He points at Hoseok, “I know how much you and your friends love to chat.”
“It’s y/n who always starts the conversations!” Hoseok tries to put the blame on you, “She’s the culprit!”
“Nonsense.” Mr. Lincoln looks at you now, “I know y/n is a very hard worker.”
Naomi and Jeremy start laughing at this and you just shrug, Hoseok glares at you while mouthing ‘he wants to fuck you’ when Mr. Lincoln isn’t looking. You just swat his arm and carry on.
“Friday will be my last day but no worries, I will be back everyone. Let’s work hard.”
~
You and Hoseok sit on his couches, finishing take out that you both decide wasn’t very good and probably too expensive. It’s only Wednesday and that thought alone sucks since you are so ready for this week to be over.
“I can’t believe you guys did it again.” Your best friends says, rubbing his belly from how full he is despite the food only being a like 5 out of 10. “Is this going to become a thing?”
“First,” You slide your food container away from you, “We didn’t do it again. Just…you know,”
“I love you but shut up.” Hoseok laughs. “It counts.”
“I’m so stupid, Hobi. We came to a whole ass conclusion that we shouldn’t yet we—”
“The heart wants what the heart wants.”
“Or my vagina.” You deadpan.
“Normally I would agree but your secret garden didn’t even get any action so…”
“I guess that’s true.” You frown. “He’s so…he makes me…I don’t even know.”
“I think you do know.” Hoseok tells you bluntly, “You do know…but you won’t say it and I have no idea why. I’m your best friend. Just say exactly what you’re thinking.”
You stare at him before you scoff to yourself, “Hoseok, trust me. I’m not even thinking things in my brain with my brain voice the thoughts that my brain is even having. If I can’t even make my brain voice say those things how the hell do you think I’m going to get my mouth voice to do it?”
“Too many voices.” Hoseok shakes his head, “Anyway, I get it. I guess. But okay, let’s start there—have the thoughts in your head and like, hear them.”
“No thanks.” You tell him right away, “I’m good.”
“You’re being so—” Hoseok’s head shoots up when he hears his door bell ring. “Who is here?” He wonders, glancing at you but you shrug. Hoseok stands from his sofa and walks through his home to answer the front door. You can hear him open the door, whatever, whatever but your ears really perk up when you hear a voice that is all too familiar.
“Jimin?” You turn to see Hoseok and Jimin walk through, Jimin’s eyes expanding when he spots you.
“y/n?” He questions you in return. “You’re here?”
“…Yes. You’re here?”
“Yes…”
“And I’m here too!” Hoseok grins. “Ah, but maybe you guys wish I wasn’t,” He starts smirking. “You know, so you two could…” He wiggles his brows at both of you when Jimin’s eyes go wide.
“You told him?!” Jimin blurts out, his finger pointing at you.
“Of course I told him?!” You look at him incredulously, “Why wouldn’t I have? He’s my best friend!”
“True.” Hoseok nods in approval.
“Why are you shocked!” You shout, “Didn’t you tell anyone?!”
“Who am I going to tell?!” Jimin looks at you just as incredulously.
“Uh, Taehyung??”
“Taehyung?!” Jimin looks at you like you are insane. “Seriously? If I told Taehyung right now he would just…he would be so happy! He would literally start planning a wedding! You know…again.”
“Shit,” You tear your eyes away from his for a moment, “That’s totally understandable. So then why are you here?”
Jimin shifts awkwardly from one foot to another, his eyes going from you to Hoseok before he’s lifting a finger to point at your best friend. “Uh…” Jimin stares at you blankly. “To tell…him.”
“Of course.” You deadpan.
“Wait, really?” Hoseok lights up, grin growing. “You came here to talk to me about this stuff?”
“Yes?” Jimin looks a bit unsure. “If that’s cool?”
Hoseok lights up even more, “Of course that’s cool!” Then he looks at you, “y/n, hurry, go home.”
“What?”
“Go home!” Hoseok whines. “I want to hear everything from Jimin’s perspective.” Then he glances at Jimin, “Because I, you know, care.”
“He’s just nosey as fuck.” You tell Jimin with a straight face as you stand from the couch, “But fine, you’re lucky, I was wanting to go home anyway.”
~
You are curious, of course. So curious actually. So curious in fact that you’ve texted Hoseok like 8 times but he still hasn’t answered and it’s already almost midnight. You are wondering what Jimin told Hoseok, what his thoughts are—his feelings. You want to know. But don’t you already know? Didn’t he already tell you everything? You’re wondering if you should give up on Hoseok texting you back and just wait until tomorrow at work to get answers. But right when you think you’re giving up, your phone goes off.
Hobi:)) 11:56pm
I shoulda known I was gonna come find my phone with a bunch of texts from you and YOU call ME nosey!!!!
Hobi:)) 11:56pm
But ok wow. Tonight was a lot
Hobi:)) 11:56pm
Like a lot
y/n 11:56pm
what happened??? What did he tell you?
Hobi:)) 11:58pm
He told me maybe everything? He told me about emma dude…that shit hurted. Anyway so much stuff makes sense now…he also told me why he broke your heart and stuff and like I said…so much stuff makes sense
y/n 12:01am
oh
Hobi:)) 12:02am
Yeeeeaah…but umm he did also tell me about you guys hooking up and also what you guys talked about
y/n 12:03am
okay and
Hobi:))12:08am
And I feel like he didn’t tell you everything
y/n 12:08am
???
y/n 12:08am
what are you talking about
Hobi:)) 12:09am
Im just saying I don’t think he told you everything
Hobi:)) 12:09am
Like based on what you told me he said, I don’t think he told you everything and also he said even more stuff tonight and idk kinda feels like you two need to talk again
y/n 12:12am
genuinely so confused
y/n 12:12am
just tell me?
Hobi:)) 12:13am
No no no this is something that needs to come from him…im not saying he intentionally didn’t tell you something but I think he might have something to say or idk. Idk how to explain it but look regardless figure your shit out with joon cuz this is gonna get messy fast
y/n 12:20am
wtf hobi
Hobi:)) 12:22am
Im team jimin btw. Hes a good guy y/n and you know this already and I know things sucked for a while but he does care about you and I care about you and I want to see you happy and isn’t that jimin?
Hobi:)) 12:40am
You aren’t replying so I know im right. But I also know something else…because jimin is the one that makes you happy that’s why you wont choose him right? Because the happier a person can make you also means this person can also make you the saddest and youre terrified of that I get it y/n but that thought breaks my heart and I hope I am wrong
y/n 12:43am
goodnight hobi
~~~~~
It’s Thursday evening when Jimin calls you, asking if he can come over and talk to you about something—obviously you say yes but not even a minute after you hang up with him, your phone is ringing again. Namjoon.
“Hello?” you answer pretty quickly. You haven’t really heard from him all week since he’s been out of town.
“Hey.” He sounds tired, exhausted even. “You busy?”
“Not currently, why?”
“Well, first,” Namjoon pauses, his voice still sounding tired but you can tell he’s smiling. “How was your day?”
“It was good.” You respond, “Tiring.”
“Tell me about it. I’m actually back in town, just got home and I thought I’d see if you wanted to come over for a little while? I have an early morning but I would love to see you even if it’s just for a little bit.”
“Oh.” You stare at nothing, thinking about how Jimin is probably already on his way. “I—”
“I really need to see you.” Namjoon chuckles, “It has not been a very good week.”
“Oh.” You say much softer. “Okay…Um, I can leave in a few minutes then.”
“Perfect, be safe on your way here.”
You and Namjoon hang up and you feel a bit of dread as you dial Jimin’s number and to call him and let him know he can no longer come hang out with you. He answers on the second ring.
“Hey.” He sounds nice on the other line, his voice something so soothing to you.
“Hey…”
“What’s up? You okay?”
“Actually,” You pause, wondering how it will feel for him. “Namjoon just called and he’s home and wants to see me but I was going to tell him no but—”
“It’s okay.” Jimin cuts in, “If you need to cancel, I get it.”
“It’s not that I just want to cancel on you, Jimin. He just sounds like he had a bad week and—”
“It’s okay. I get it.” Jimin tells you, voice soft. “Are you staying there?”
“No, I don’t think so. It’s just a for a little while.”
“Okay…want to come by my place after you see him? I still want to talk to you.”
“Yeah.” You breathe out, “I can do that.”
~
You’re barely even finishing knocking on Namjoon’s door when he’s already swinging it open and pulling you inside.
“Hi.” He brings you close to him, his arms wrapping around your body as he embraces you tightly. “I missed you.”
“Hi.” You say back, the word getting lost into his t shirt as he squeezes you to his chest.
You’re nervous to be here to be honest. You plan on telling Namjoon about what you’ve done with Jimin but you’re waiting for the right timing.
“I had the shittiest week.” He tells you, “I just need you around to feel better.”
And you are realizing maybe this isn’t the right timing. Namjoon finally peels himself off of you, holding you at arm’s length and smiling the kind of smile that makes you feel weaker.
But even this smile lacks in joy. He’s tired. He’s looking beat from the week. He’s looking like he only needs to hear good things.
Namjoon takes a deep breath before hugging you again.
“What happened?” You finally ask. “Is everything okay?”
Namjoon leads you to his cream sofa, taking a seat next to you and starts telling you about his week.
“Honestly, my writing is just…I’m in a funk, maybe? But everything has been garbage…at least to me. Emiko has been trying to cheer me up but she’s going through her own stuff and she’s just…she’s probably had a worse week than me.” Namjoon sighs, “She just doesn’t realize she deserves so much better—anyway. Two, yes two, of the meetings I had this week to set up for the tour this summer got canceled because they’re pulling out! Like, pulling out altogether so that’s great news.” He frowns now, his fingers rubbing his temple. “It just feels like things with my career aren’t progressing the way I want them to but also, Emiko is my agent and she works so hard but…”
“But what?”
“I know she’s going through a really tough time. And I can’t really help her and that bugs me. Sorry, I’m just…I hate when I can’t be there for someone I care about.”
You smile at Namjoon because that sounds just like him. “I’m sure she knows you are here for her, Joon.”
“She doesn’t want me to be. That’s the thing.” His frown deepens. “She made a huge deal about us needing to be more professional…that at the end of the day she’s just my agent. That hurt, you know?”
“Oh.” You feel your heart hurt for him, “That would hurt. For sure. But she’s probably just saying that because she’s dealing with whatever is going on with her. Maybe she’s trying to push you away but even if you have to just stay by her side silently…she will appreciate it.”
Namjoon’s lips finally lift into a smile, “You’re right.” He tells you, “I’m just…I’ve known her almost my whole life. I hate seeing her in a bad mood, I guess.”
“You’re very sweet.”
And he is…he is very sweet.
“Thank you, y/n. I knew talking to you and seeing you would be something that would make me feel better.”
You only nod at him, guilt starting to bubble over but you try to push that away as you come to your decision. Namjoon is a good man, a very good man and you would be stupid as hell to lose this.
~
“Hey, I’m leaving Namjoon’s. I know it’s late but did you still want me to come over?” You ask Jimin over the phone, “I can be there in 20.”
“Actually,” Jimin’s voice sounds a little muffled, “I’m kind of already at your place.”
“Huh?”
“I was feeling bored so I just came here. I’m just outside, chillin.”
“Oh.” You turn, driving through a neighborhood as you start making your way to your place instead. “Okay, sounds good. I’ll see you in a bit then.”
“Okay, be safe. See you soon.” And then he is hanging up.
You arrive to your place not too much later, walking up to your apartment when you see Jimin sitting outside your door, dark hair looking longer, blowing in the breeze.
You greet him casually as you unlock your front door and you both make your way inside.
Jimin slips his shoes off and is already making his way to your living room, plopping down on the couch. You eye him over as you take off your own shoes, “You okay?” You ask.
Jimin looks a little odd—maybe nervous or anxious, his leg shaking up and down. He just nods his head but you can see how he swallows hard.
“Okay…” You walk towards him, taking a seat next to him.
“How was Namjoon’s?” Jimin asks, “Did you tell him?”
“Did I—oh, no. He uh, he was having a hard time and I didn’t want to potentially make it harder so I haven’t…”
Jimin stops shaking his leg as he nods slowly, “Oh. I see.”
“But I made my decision.” You look Jimin in the eye but he grows a little confused.
“About?”
“Namjoon.”
Jimin eyes’ go wide before he’s gesturing for you to continue.
“If Namjoon still wants a relationship with me even after I tell him what we did…I’m going to agree. I’m going—”
“Yeah. I’m going to, you know, be his girlf—”
“That’s…” Jimin’s gaze falls to your lap. “That’s what you want?”
“Yes.” You tell him. “It is.”
“It’s what you want because you like him. Right?” His eyes find yours again, but they have hardened.
“Y-Yeah.”
Jimin stares at you for moments too long, his gaze making you feel nervous but he finally tears his eyes from you, licks his drying lips and stands from the couch. “Okay. I really wish you good luck, y/n. I hope this works out.”
“Thanks…” You mumble, your eyes on his back. “What—what did you want to talk about though?”
He turns to face you, a small smile on his lips. “It’s nothing now. Don’t worry. I’m going to head home but we’ll talk soon, yeah?”
~~~~~
“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck—”
“What?!” You shout at Hoseok, who sits at his desk beside you, “Why are you freaking out?”
“Dae just texted me.” He tells you, “And it’s…”
“It’s? It’s what?”
“Holy shit. What am I going to do?” He drags his hands down his face, “We have barely spoken since you know what, but now this???”
“What?”
“Apparently, Taehyung and Dae are going to get here this evening. She said Taehyung planned it and is wanting her to come so he doesn’t fall asleep on the drive…plus in his eyes—well, in his eyes I didn’t,” He lowers his voice into a whisper, “you know, fuck his sister and leave her the next morning!”
“Oh, damn.” You can’t help but smirk. “This should be entertaining.”
“He wants all of us to go out tonight for drinks,” Hoseok groans, “Jeremy and Jimin already confirmed they’d go but they don’t have to see Dae!”
“They will see Dae?”
“Yeah but they don’t have to see her after they’ve,” He lowers his voice again, “Fucked her!”
“True. But uh, Jimin said he would go?” You try to act nonchalant, eyes going back to your screen. “Cool.”
“Why are you being weird?” Hoseok accuses you right away. “Did something happen?”
“I wish I knew.” You tell him, “He’s barely talking to me today.”
“For real? He’s been blowing my phone up.” Hoseok shrugs, “Wait, once again, did something happen?”
“He came over to talk last night, uh, I told him I was going to give things with Namjoon a shot and he got weird and left. I texted him asking is he got home safe, blah, blah but anyway, he’s been so dry with me.”
“He came to talk but you told him…are you serious?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me you aren’t serious.”
“But I am serious.”
“I know you aren’t that dumb, y/n.” Hoseok tells you with a straight face. “You really—”
“I made my decision, Hoseok.” You glance at your phone when you see a text from Dae. “Anyway, I’ll tell Naomi. I guess we are all hanging out tonight.”
Present
“No, no, no.” Taehyung looks at everyone with shocked eyes. “Dae?! Even you?!”
“Yes, even me, brother.” She looks unimpressed, taking another sip of her drink just for fun now.
“Hold on. Jimin?! But also…y/n?! Wait,” He slurs, a grin starting to form. “I will be the happiest man alive if you guys both had sex at the same time.” Then he looks a little puzzled, “I mean because it was you know,” He starts thrusting his pointing finger inside a hole he made with his other hand’s fingers. “Together.”
“Jeez, Taehyung.” You grumble, “Yeah, whatever. We did.” You look across the table to see Jimin who just sits here, eyes on his drink only.
“What?!” Taehyung shouts, “How?! How did that happen?! Oh my god, I have so many questions but I need to continue down this list. Okay, skipping Dae…Hoseok?! Who did you have sex with in the last week???”
Hoseok gulps, his eyes accidentally going straight to Dae and Taehyung is pretty quick to pick up what Hoseok is putting down.
“Wait, wait.” Taehyung points between Hoseok and Dae. “My…my sister?! Ah, come on, man! Not my sister! I know I wanted you to find someone! But not my sister!!!!”
“Why? You don’t think I’m good enough for your friend, Taehyung?” Dae rolls her eyes, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t seem to think so either.”
“Hey, I never said that.” Hoseok says, voice only directed at Dae. “I—seriously I don’t think that, Dae. I’m sor—”
“Moving the fuck on,” Taehyung looks at Jeremy now. “Jeremy?! Oh my god, was it the girl you went out with last week? She is pretty hot, bro. Surprised you didn’t tell us in the group chat though!”
Jeremy glances around the table before reaching for his glass and chugging the remainder of his drink.
“I’m curious too actually.” You look over at Jeremy, “You didn’t say anything. And Naomi, who the hell did you sleep with? I’m so confused…have you been seeing someone? Wait!” You look at her shocked, “Did you meet someone and had a one night stand?!”
Naomi reaches for her glass as well and starts chugging.
“Is this…” Dae glances around the table, “Is this not obvious to everyone?”
“They aren’t the brightest here.” Jimin finally says something, mumbling at he sips his drink again.
“Jeremy, you slept with Mimi?” Hoseok pats his back, “You didn’t even tell us!”
“Mimi this, Mimi that.” Naomi mocks, “Hate to break it to you guys,” She lifts her head and looks at everyone, “But I just don’t think Jeremy is that into her.”
“Naomi, stop.” Jeremy warns, “We already—”
“We already what?” She rolls her eyes.
“You don’t even like the way I talk to girls! You think the ‘weird’ poetry shit I do is cringey!” Jeremy suddenly shouts, “You hate it!”
“I do think it is cringey!” Naomi shouts back, you all look at these two confused as hell. “But I don’t hate it, you dumbass.”
“You do hate it! You think it’s cringe??!?!”
“Yes, it’s literally the cringiest shit but I don’t hate it!”
“What the hell is happening?” You ask, looking at Hoseok and he’s just as confused as you.
“That doesn’t even make sense?!” Jeremy tells Naomi, “You’re driving me crazy!”
“It does make sense!” Naomi looks frustrated, “You know…okay, you know that weird ass shoulder dance y/n does?”
“Why are you bringing me into this?” You ask with a straight face.
“Yeah,” Jeremy nods, eyeing Naomi wondering where she is going with this. “It’s literally the worst thing I have ever seen.”
“Exactly! It’s so horrible and disgusting and so fucking—”
“Yeah, it’s absolutely cringe.” Hoseok adds his two cents.
“What the hell is happening?” You ask, “How did this become about me??”
“We always tell y/n we hate it and it’s so cringey but we laugh our asses off every time she does it and we know she’s always going to do it, right? We think it’s the worst thing we’ve ever seen but we love it, don’t we?” Naomi looks at Jeremy, “It’s the worst but we love it. We never want her to stop the stupid thing she does with her shoulders.”
Jeremy’s mouth falls open a little as he realizes what Naomi is saying, “Wait. Are you…”
“Your poetry is cringe Jeremy but I love it because it’s yours and it’s you and god, you’re so stupid.” Naomi stands from her chair, “I’m going to get another drink.”
“I’m coming with you.” Dae stands as well, “Suddenly I want to get black out drunk.”
“Wait, wait.” You stop the girls from leaving. “But who did you have sex with, Naomi??”
“Are you serious…” Dae shakes her head at you, “It’s so obvious girl, come on.”
“It’s really not?” You question, eyes going to Hoseok who is just as lost as you.
“Yeah, I don’t get it either.” Hoseok tells you guys, “Jimin and y/n, Me and …Dae…and uh, Jeremy with Mimi but who’s your person?”
“Ha!” Naomi rolls her eyes harder than ever, “Mimi! Yeah fucking right. He didn’t go home with Mimi last Friday. Did you Jeremy? He came to my place after their little date and I’m sure you guys can figure out the rest.”
“I’m literally…figure what out?” You look at Hoseok and he shrugs.
“Oh my god…” Jimin huffs out, “Jeremy went to Naomi’s place after his date and somehow ended up fucking Naomi.”
“What?” You blink at Jimin before you snort, Hoseok joining you immediately, “Yeah, there is no way.”
“You guys are so dense.” Dae deadpans. “It was in front of you guys this whole time.”
You and Hoseok are still laughing but when Jeremy and Naomi don’t say anything you guys start quieting down, confusion growing more and more.
“Wow.” Taehyung glances at Aeri, “You are never wrong about these things!”
Aeri starts laughing drunkenly, “I told you!”
“This is…I’m just going to go home and get drunk now.” Naomi groans, “Dae, you in?”
“Hell yeah, I will never say no to something like that.”
“y/n?” Naomi asks you as well but you’re still looking between here and Jeremy and wondering how you missed this.
“Uh,” You blink at her before your eyes find Jimin. “Actually, I’m going to stay for a bit.”
“Suit yourself.” Dae says, spinning in her spot to leave.
“Wait, Dae—” Hoseok stands from his chair but her and Naomi wave everyone off before they head out.
“This is crazy.” Jeremy mumbles, “Naomi…oh god.”
“So you fucked Naomi but then what?” Taehyung slurs.
“I uh, told her I didn’t mean to do that because we’re friends…good friends.” Jeremy looks down at the table, “Then she went on about how we are for sure just friends…so she obviously regretted it, right? Anyway, It’s been hell since.”
“Well,” Hoseok lips set into a straight line. “This week is suddenly making so much sense.”
“Okay, now to the pairing I am most curious about.” Taehyung shows you all a mischievous grin, “Jimin, care to explain how you sexed up our wonderful y/n?” He winks at you both, making Aeri giggle more.
Jimin sighs out, his hand sweeping through his hair as he stands. “It doesn’t matter. Doesn’t feel appropriate to talk about when she basically has a boyfriend.”
“But they aren’t tech—”
“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Jimin smiles at Taehyung. “She’s into him and going to take that next step!” And then he’s walking off towards the bar.
“Next st—”
“Jimin.” You stand too, walking after him.
“Oh.” Aeri sways into Taehyung’s side, “It’s just us now! Well, us and the guy who had sex with your sis—”
“LALALALA!”
~
“Jimin!” You call for the man, trying your best to catch up with him. He gets to the bar and you finally make it by his side, leaning against the bar top as you stare at his side profile. “Can you just tell me what is wrong?”
“Nothing.” He stares ahead but you aren’t buying it—obviously.
“Can you just…can you look at me?” Your hand goes to his shoulder and he tenses beneath your touch. “Jimin?”
He sighs out heavily before turning to face you, his eyes locking with yours when you decide you can easily read him but you don’t want to. You don’t want to read everything he is saying but he tells you anyway.
“This is a mistake, y/n.” He tells it to you straight.
“What is?”
“Namjoon.”
Yeah, you scoff at this because to be frank—it annoys you. It irks you that he isn’t supporting your decision about Namjoon. And you cannot figure out why 100%.
“Okay.” You brows pull up quickly before you relax them. “That’s cool.”
“It’s all for the wrong reasons and you know it.” The tone of his voice chooses to annoy you more than anything. “You aren’t in love with him.”
“I don’t need to be in love with him, I just need to like him. God, it does not have to be that deep.”
“You like him the same way you liked the pet fish you had your freshmen year.”
“Just stop,”
“No.”
“You’ve been cold to me because you don’t think I should date Namjoon? That seems immature.”
“It’s not…” Jimin’s eyes soften, “Maybe I am immature. But I am only telling you this because I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret later…”
“So none of your reasons are selfish ones?” You snap, Jimin’s brows pulling together before he breaks his eye contact with you to stare at the floor. “I need this Jimin.”
“Need what?”
Yeah, need what? That’s a great question. You’re letting something take over you, something close to a frustration but you aren’t sure what. This feels like something is coming to the surface—something not even the voice in your head has spoken yet.
“How is it…” Your voice is cold towards him, “That you got to move on and experience love again but I never got to? How come you got to but I never did? What? You think me trying my hardest to have something new for myself is bad? Is a fucking mistake? Rich coming from someone who already got this chance.”
Jimin’s eyes rise to meet yours and it feels like a punch to the gut. His eyes are full of something close to pain yet he tries to smile.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He tells you quietly, softly even. “I shouldn’t be trying to…” He pauses, swallowing hard to calm himself. “You’ve made your decision. I don’t know if I don’t want you to be with Namjoon for selfish reasons or because I really do think you aren’t doing the right thing. Maybe it’s both.” He tries to smile a little more. “Yeah, it’s both.”
“W-What are your selfish reasons?” You find yourself asking but Jimin just scoffs to himself, smile still in place.
“You already know them.” He tells you simply. “The night we talked about what we did—the sex. We said the things we were going to discuss were, how it went, what it meant, why did we do it and what do we do now.”
“I remember.” You tilt your head, “What about it?”
“We knew how it went. We talked about why we did it and what we do now but neither of us had an answer for ‘what it meant’ and I didn’t tell you the truth. You said you didn’t know and I agreed. But I lied, y/n.” His smile is still in place and it makes you feel anxious. Especially because his eyes are void of any positive emotion.
“You lied?”
“Yeah,” He hums. “I know what it meant to me.”
“What…what did it mean to you, Jimin?”
“Why would I even need to tell you that when you’ve already made your decision, y/n?” His smile starts dropping. “I told you that you’re afraid of having a love again like what you had with me and you said ‘maybe’ but I think the thing you’re afraid of is me.” Jimin’s eyes bore into yours, his gaze so intense as they gloss over. “And,” He gulps. “I fucking get it. Because I,” He pauses, gaze still set on you as he tries to push down his emotions. “I am also so fucking afraid of you.”
