It’s been a long time! I want to post something tonight because it’s been a week since my review. I’ve written everything in my notepad on my phone since I don’t have a Tumblr app. This post is pure randomness! I just poured everything what’s on my mind. I’m planning to check the grammar but I decided not to because I just want to be pure. (I will definitely regret this but oh well!) Now I present to you my second journal entry:
I am back in Manila for my review in my chosen review center. My parents booked a flight so early ‘cause they think I can get my ass back to studying. All I do is sleep, they say!
It's been more than a month since my last post. Nothing much really happened! No serious review happened during that time. I read one page and then I turn on my phone and open my social media accounts.
Though, I cried the night before my flight back in Manila. I was scared kasi! I am also overthinking and the sudden weight of realization has put on my shoulder.
Today is my 2nd review day and all i can say is I wish I was ambidextrous cause my hand hurts so bad from writing for 8 hours although I love the way our lecturer is teaching Microbiology. I understood everything? But my brain can't process the lectures after 2 pm though. All I think about was where to buy a good tumbler and a headband cause my bangs are irritating af. Why did you cut it?!
Now, my mind is full of thoughts AGAIN. From the way i am unhappy with my looks and myself to waking up early because I have to find a good chair to sit on. Wish me luck!
This post is full of errors! I apologize, my future self! I just want to vent it all out. I hope you're doing and feeling okay. I hope you're studying and making those flashcards! Don't forget to pray! Stop eating noodles na!
I have finally graduated from college! I hardly remember any thing fun, embarrassing moments, hardships or what I learned in class, basically. This is me writing a new series about my journey to get my license. I want to look back all the memories (good or bad) that I encountered during my review or how many times I lost my motivation, cry my heart out, mental breakdowns and get distracted by Kpop. I just want to vent out the stress I’m having by writing it. I don’t have jowa to listen to all my rants lol. On the bright side, this series may also help other students who are also reviewing for their board exam that they’re not alone in this journey. So wish me luck that I’ll continue to post an update!
This is my first entry!
My friend sent me a message telling me to consider this review center. Because the previous board exam questions mostly appeared in that review center. Now I am distressed! Confused even. I suddenly want to enroll to 2 review center but hello i am not that rich. I let my mom read the message my friend sent me and then she suddenly blames me for not listening to her to take the board exam this year. Now I feel bad about myself. I’m typing this post still blaming and questioning myself why I didn’t take it. (Reason: I’m still not prepared and the schedule of the review center is hectic to my Graduation Schedule.)
I have already started reading my reviewers but I only read a few pages - literally. My motivation and desire to study is still not there. Why? I guess, my body is still on “vacation mode” because I am in my hometown. I think my body is used to be chill while I am at home. I’m trying my best to open my reviewers and try to beat my laziness with coffee but nope. It doesn’t work!
Also, my batchmates are signing up to their chosen review center so early. I am anxious because I may not get a slot. Pucha. I seriously don’t know what to do. Let’s just pray that there’s still more slots when I arrive back in Manila.
Now, I don’t know what to do. I keep on slacking, lying in bed for almost 24 hours. My body getting fatter because boredom is giving me the appetite. I’m trying to do the 30 minute study and 15 minute break method but still no use. Brain is still distracted. I might do the 2 minute habit? Like reading your reviewer for 2 minutes only so that my brain will get used to it by not forcing too much energy. I hope it works!
I have to say good bye now. Currently watching Hotel Del Luna! Faye, you can do this. Papasa ka!
I’m back here again just to let this thought go because its bothering my emotions and towards some people. Every time someone tweets about “toxic people” or having an indirect tweet about this certain toxic person, I can’t help myself and I keep on telling myself that I am the person who they’re referring to. Even though I didn’t do anything to them.
When topics like this comes up out of nowhere, all my mistakes from early college years comes back. I feel that that mistake broke my reputation as a person and people see me as a bad guy. Now, back to the tweets, I saw my high school friend’s tweet - she’s one of my closest friends in high school. She’s saying that she wished she has spent her time with this person rather than spending it with shitty people. My reaction was “wow, ganon? so binabalewala mo lang yung samahan natin?”. I got hurt while reading the tweet. I couldn’t help but to fill in the shoes.
To be honest, I’m having a hard time expressing my thoughts. I can’t spell out the words that I really wanted to tell you, readers. Do you understand what I’m saying? Lol. I’m just looking for a way to express this thoughts and writing it on a blog post is a great remedy for me.
What I realized while writing this post is that it’s difficult to let go of people who you cherish from the past. But I find it more hurtful when the memories you made together is now being thrown in the garbage bin of life. Do you have something to say to me, my dear readers? Anything that could make me understand the situation and clear the dark cloud in my head? Please let me know, it’ll be huge help!
So, I just turned 20 on October 13 and I know it’s pretty late to do this. Who cares, right? It’s going to be lengthy, let’s go!
1. Siblings are there for each other. As in, walang iwanan talaga. Kahit alien kapatid mo, dapat andiyan kayo sa isa’t isa. Kahit nahihirapan ka na, pag nang-hingi ang kapatid mo ng tulong, hindi ka na mag-dalawang isip. Nag-sink in lang sa ‘kin ‘to nung summer. Ang dami kong hindi naintindihan at grabe din yung galit ko sa loob (well, iniisip ko kasi si Mama talaga nun). Pero my parents thoroughly explained it to me all of this.
2. Minsan, you have to learn the hard way. Para mauntog ka sa katotohanan at lahat ng mga nangyayari ay may dahilan. Pramis, totoo ‘to. Di mo lang agad-agad marerealize yun.
3. May darating na better. Kahit tao man ‘yan o bagay, basta maghintay ka. Don’t forget to be grateful.
4. Kung di ka makapag-book ng Uber or Grab at wala kang choice kundi sumakay sa public taxi, ang gawin mo ay tingnan mo muna yung plate number, pangalan nung company ng taxi, tingnan mo kung may metro ang sasakyan, and lastly you’re on the phone with your loved one during the whole ride and tell them kung saan ka na banda (para ma-ilang yung driver). Send all of those information to your family, relatives, friends or bf/gf para aware sila. At icheck mo muna, kung may kasama ba siya sa loob ng sasakyan (na hindi pasahero ha) kasi mahirap na kung ganon. I know, hindi ‘to 100% sure na maliligtas tayo sa kapahamakan pero at least nakikita ng driver na aware tayo.
5. KPop is not that bad, after all. Maganda yung kanta nila at yung message na dinadala neto.
6. Skin care is life. Gusto ko ishare yung skin care routine ko (chos) pero tinatamad ako this past few weeks kaya sa susunod na lang. You don’t need to follow those 7 steps na skin care kahit “Cleanse, Tone and Moisturize” okay na yan. Gusto ko sana ishare na gumamit din kayo ng sunscreen pero di ko pa rin ginagawa yun. Pero gumamit ka pa rin ng sunscreen hoy! Lol. Wag din kalimutan yung overall health niyo, duh.
7. Be careful what you say and what you do. It might cause you some trouble.
8. Learn the art of “Pakikisama”. Paulit-ulit tong sinasabi ni Mama sa akin. Pero may mga tao talaga na ang hirap pakisamahan kahit anong adjust mo. Sarap nilang batukan. Lumayo ka na lang, friend, kung toxic sila.
9. Try new things. Nag-try akong maglaro ng billiards and I loved it!!!! Medyo na-addict ako sa kakalaro. Lol I want to play more!!!
10. If wala kang mahanap na pwede mong mapag-kwentuhan tungkol sa pinagdadaanan mo, isulat mo na lang sa notebook or sa blog mo.
11. White shoes is a must have!!! It can save your OOTD!
12. Sobrang saya mo kaninang umaga, ang lungkot mo naman sa gabi. Yan palagi ang nangyayari at di ko pa rin alam kung bakit. Bakit ka ganyan, universe?
13. Dapat alam mo na ang mga gawaing bahay. Bata pa kami inuutusan at tinuturan na kami ng magulang ko na magluto, maghugas ng pinggan, atbp. Tinatamad ako palagi pero wala akong choice kundi gawin siya dahil baka mapalo na naman ako ng hanger sa pwet. And I thank God and my parents, dahil hindi sila sumukong turuan ako! Grabe sobrang useful, lalo na at magiging adult ka na. *cries* Walang halong sarcasm, I swear.
14. May mga skin care or make up products na effective sa iba at hindi sa iyo. Kaya wag kang susuko finding for the right one for your face.
15. Water is life.
16. Patience. Patience. Patience.
17. Dapat barya ang binibigay mong pamasahe lalo na’t maaga kang aalis. Para iwas hassle.
18. Mental health is important, too.
19. I’m going to be an adult.
It’s been a so-so year, I guess.. Siguro, ‘eto na yung time na kailangan maging aware sa mga bagay bagay. Dito na nagsisink in ang pagiging mature. I suck at making introductions and conclusions. I don’t know how to end this, really. Hello, 6 months na akong hindi nakakapag-post at kinakalawang na yung utak ko at lalo na ang blog na to.
I hope may matutunan kayo. Alam kong mababaw pero grabe yung impact neto sa akin. Ang dami ko pang gustong idagdag pero hindi na pala ako 19 nung nangyari yung realization na yun. ‘Til next time!
Ang dami kong binabasa na novels ngayon pero hindi ko sila matapos tapos. Plus, I’m reading my Biopharmaceutics handouts.
WRITING
My newly updated Sunday Currently <3
LISTENING
This is: LANY playlist on Spotify, check it out, guys! FEELS ~
WATCHING
Katatapos ko lang panoorin yung Riverdale and I SUPER DUPER LOVE IT!!! #Bughead. From Kdrama, I’m watching My Secret Romance. To be honest, nawawala na yung gana ko manood ng kdrama at di ko alam kung bakit. Huhuhu.
THINKING
“Di ko pa pala naplaplantsa yung uniform ko. Shet!”
SMELLING
None.
WISHING
Na maka-uwi ako sa probinsya ulit. Hehe!
HOPING
That all my prayers will be heard at sana mangyari na siya
WEARING
Pambahay ~
LOVING
My Oreo biscuits and Meiji Macadamia chocolates! #CravingSatisfied
WANTING
Pumayat.
NEEDING
A talk with a guidance councilor in school.
FEELING
Meh
Wow, my last Sunday Currently post was in October. Damn, I need to post more. By the way, this is fairywarrior.co.vu and my “co.vu” domain has expired. So, I have to change the URL and douxsirene was born. Its French for “Soft Mermaid” and I don’t know why I made that URL. I don’t have single idea for a new URL.
After hearing those words, my whole existence got flushed in the toilet. I got insecure, I feel that I can’t move freely anymore or I get judged every time I say something or do something. That everything I do is wrong.
I asked myself, how should a 20 year old act? Or how should a 20 year old dress? Or how should a 20 year old handle this?
Honestly, I don’t know where to begin. Can I have a life coach to help me? I have read a lot of articles online about self-help but those tips doesn’t stick to my brain. It’s like if I step on something and I get anxious as if there’s a buzzer waiting for me to make a mistake.
I’m scared to tell my parents about this neither of my friends. It seems like there’s never going to be answer to anything. Again, I’m scared that they might think that my thoughts are wrong. Or they might even say that I’m a fucked up person.
Why do I keep on checking the number of likes and retweets in my Profile Picture on Facebook or in my tweets on Twitter and get disappointed every time it gets less than 10 likes/retweets?
Why do I keep on tweeting and deleting it at the same time?
Why do I keep on entering those toxic people in my life?
Why do I keep on blaming myself?
Why do I keep on staring at the mirror and check all of my flaws?
Why do I keep on crying every night?
Why do I keep on carrying those heavy burdens?
Why do I keep on comparing myself to others?
Why do I keep on caring for people doesn’t even care for me?
Why do I keep on pushing to other who doesn’t want to be friends with me?
Finally! We have to leave the year 2016. I know this is late for a year-ender entry but since I’m a busy bee and lazy a$$, I’m posting this late.
To sum it all up, my 2016 is quite messy and fucked up than the past years. It truly challenged my patience and creativity. Also, it made me wonder of my true existence. I have doubts about myself, my peeps and my chosen course.
The first quarter of the month is I have to lie to my parents and to an officer. IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER! I do not want to elaborate it further but don’t worry it’s not too drastic.
Also, I experienced a miscommunication between the people I used to be friends with (it’s becoming a thing that bad things always happen at end of the semester). I’m still wondering why this thing happened. I want to ask why but my pride is too high for this shit and likewise on the other.
I received my first failed subject and it lead me step by step to depression. I cried a lot and it took me some time to tell others about me being a year late. It has also lead me to transfer to a different school/course. But, I prayed that I hope things will get better soon and He should help me understand why this situation happened.
Even though I still keep a smile on my face for everybody to see that I'm "okay". But, I’m breaking inside. I’m not being overreacting but this is true. I’m not saying this to get some pity. Excuse me! I want my things to end soon and I end up thinking to end my life, too. But...
All in all, it made me see and taste the true meaning of life. 2016 is an "eye-opener", per se.
Before any thing else, I would like to thank some important people who made my 2016 less crappy. To my family for all the love and support, thank you. To my new friends and those who stayed, thank you. To ESquared, thank you! To my Manila Gangster, I know I’m quite indecisive every time we have our gala, please forgive me (lols). But, still, thank you for the fun memories. To my college friends (?), thank you. To my Tumblr peeps, thank you for being so nice and friendly. This is my happy place; this is where I can fully express myself and care nothing less. I found a friend in some of you, guys. Also, thank you for all the encouraging message that you sent me whenever I feel pathetic and the universe is against me.
And for the person reading this, thank you for reading my post/s even though it’s full grammatical errors and bad choice of words. :)
I hope things will be better in 2017. Out with the old, in with the new: may you be happy the whole year through. Happy New Year!
When I saw them, I totally screamed! Well.. I “internally” screamed! Daebak! I was really impressed with their costumes. When I saw “Princess Leia”, my eyes were sweating. LOL. Because I remembered Carrie Fisher and how her character inspired me to be tough.
I tried my best not to cry while watching the parade or else the crowd might think I’m crazy for doing so.. Well, my parents were shocked when they saw me crying. My mom thought that I was crying because I’m going to miss them but literally laughed when I told her I was crying because of Carrie Fisher and Star Wars will never be the same without her. Her response? She said, “Bakit? Kamag-anak ba natin siya?”. Ladies and gents, please give my Mom an applause for this. Hahaha! Love you Mom!
Rest in Peace, Carrie Fisher! Thank you for being an inspiration! You’ll be missed!
Noneeee. I feel sad, tho. I should be reading books since the start of my sembreak. I don’t feel like reading, actually. THIS IS SO NOT ME.
WRITING
Yaaaay! I’m on a vacay - so no rewriting of notes!!! But, I’m currently writing some of my future posts.
LISTENING
To nothing.
WATCHING
W, Scarlet Heart Rheo and Uncontrollably Fond. I should be done watching these Korean drama - so no more distractions for the incoming semester,
THINKING
ABOUT IF I SHOULD REBOOK MY FLIGHT JUST TO ATTEND AN ORIENTATION
SMELLING
None.
WISHING
For a good and progressive semester <3
HOPING
That everything will go the way God has planned for me
WEARING
Pantuloooog <3
LOVING
Mama’s Spaghetti and Pork Ribs
WANTING
To be fit within a week (lol not gonna happen *bites donut*)
NEEDING
OPTIMISIM
FEELING
Meh
It’s been a month since my last Sunday Currently post. I’m not that active for the past few weeks because I have school to attend and home works to be done. So, that means no time for writing at all. :(
Well, this week is kinda boring-ish. Kain-nood KDrama-magluluto-kain-nood kdrama-kain-ligo-nood kdrama-tulog. Paulit-ulit lang yung routine na yan! Hahaha! Maulan din kasi dito sa province kaya di ako makalabas-labas. Hindi na nga ako makapag-jog sa hapon dahil sa ulan na yan eh. Wala na yung balik-alindog program ko, lamon pa ako ng lamon. Ayoko naman gumising ng umaga dahil feeling ko hindi ko pa nababawi yung tulog ko nung last semester. Hahahaha!
Paano ba kasi magpapayat tapos nasa college ka na??? Ang hirap kaya.
Happy 19th birthday! I know, you’re birthday has passed but it’s still your birth month! How did you celebrate your birthday? Well, you have exams on that day and you almost broke into tears because you haven’t studied your exams yet. Also, you just fell asleep because you were dead ass tired for the past few days (and you deserve a good night sleep, tho). That was it! Yep, there weren’t any birthday cakes or spaghetti cooked by your Mama. Just birthday greetings from your family and friends - who were notified by Facebook. Oh yeah, your Lola gave you a 500 peso bill but it was stolen anyway.
Why no celebration? You’re not a great person or you’re not well-loved?? Lol, I was just joking - kinda. Instead of giving your birthday money, your Mom told you she’ll give the money to your grandparents because they need it more. You just nod and tried to respond without your voice cracking. You just cried for a few minutes and thinking that you have to understand (and you deserve no birthday celebration). But, don’t be sad about it. At least, you went to Jollibee to have an early celebration - alone.
I know, you want to experience those surprise birthday celebration from your friends and family. Real talk, it will never happen. They will never see that you’re also a precious human being. I’m not giving you pity but it’s the truth. Those celebrations will only happen in your dreams. Unless, you give them money to make you a birthday celebration.
What are the gifts that God gave you? Well, He helped you survive your first semester as a third year student. He was there to help you pass your Watsons internship. He was there to give your White Coat. Lastly, He gave you a failed subject (don’t fret, Padawan) and you’ll have to see that gift in the future time. So, you go thank Him because He was thoughtful enough to give you this gifts.
For 19 years of existing, you’re always the one who understands. Even though, you’re tired of everything and you still tried your best to understand them more. And now, you’re still looking for that someone who will understand you. Don’t be blind - YOU are there to understand you.
Friends? They will come and go within a snap of your fingers. But it’s okay! It’s part of life. Learn to cherish those people who are still there to love your bitchy self. Do not put some distance away from people!
I’m happy that you’ve reached 19 years of age. I'm just going to tell you that be open for changes and this might lead you to a new opportunity or an eye opener for you. Pray always - when things go bad, pray, when things went good, pray. Don’t absorb negative words from other people because it will drown you and suffocate you. Don’t be impatient. Be careful of your words. Lastly, SUCK IT UP AND DON’T BE A BABY!
Love, your future self.
PS: This should be posted on your birthday but since you’re busy and lazy at the same time, it was posted late. :)
Recently, I’ve noticed that I keep on telling myself that “I’m tired”. Too tired to do all the school work, too tired to do the house chores and sometimes too tired to take a bath. Well, I tried to take a break during the weekend but it is not enough. There’s this one time that I told myself that I should definitely take a week off but noooo. My brain is being paranoid because I keep on thinking about school work that I have to accomplish which is very stressful.
Looking at the mirror, I can see those dark bags underneath my eyes. Asking for me to fall a sleep. I asked myself, why do I seem tired unlike from the previous semester that I have encountered? Maybe because of the schedule? My TTh class ends at 6:30 in the evening and on the next day, first class starts at 7 am. I have more or less 5 hours to finish all of my work and it really is not enough. Maybe because of the subjects? I’m taking up four major subjects this semester and I’m not really used to it.
I can’t blame myself for crying in the middle of the night. Praying to the Heavenly Father and asking Him about the things that I’ve encountered. Also, I don’t blame my classmates and college students for tweeting Mayor Erap for a suspension when it started raining cats and dogs. Hell, I just want a day off or two. Also, those days are for the work that I need to finish.
Well, October is coming. Finals is coming. I can’t wait to finish this hell of a semester. I can’t wait to go back home and eat all of my Mom’s cooking.
DDS book. Tryin’ to study in advance because we have a quiz on Tuesday! Yes, sipag ko na ba? Hahaha!
WRITING
Well, I’m doing my reviewer for DDS on Quizlet and doing this Sunday Currently.
LISTENING
To nothing.
WATCHING
W - the korean drama. OMG Kang Chul is totally what you call - BAE!
THINKING
ABOUT ALL THIS SCHOOL WORK AND GRADES
SMELLING
None.
WISHING
For a White Coat + another Adamson basketball win + productivity + good grades
HOPING
Nothing
WEARING
Yung ginamit ko sa pagsimba kanina. Hihi
LOVING
This day because me and the fam bam went out and ate at McDonalds
WANTING
PANCIT CANTON OR RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!
NEEDING
Good and passing grades and kasipagan :(
FEELING
Meh
Hay, this past few days has been so stressful. We have a Microbiology quiz and our Case study. The universe is testing my patience with my classmates but fortunately I still survive their foolishness. I’ve cried hard on some days due to stress and the release of our Midterm grades.
Now, I’m hoping things to be okay. I hope I’ll change for the better and somehow increase my grades. Oh God, help me.
Lastly, my computer is finally connected with my Aunt’s wifi!!!! Expect more blog posts to come! :)
On our Communication Skills class, we were asked to do our extemporaneous speech in front of the class. I, fortunately, was the fifth student to do for the speech. We were given a minimum time of 3 minutes. Making this speech was in a hurry and I only made it the night before the class. Honestly, I was at the bathroom doing what nature calls and I somehow composed my speech without any notes.
Without further ado, here’s an example of my speech:
Last meeting, I chose a quote from Lao Tzu. It says, “A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step”. This is true not only for a long journey but also a short one. Lao Tzu is not referring about the distance and the travels but referring to goals, tasks and actions.
After reading the quote, it made me wonder. What’s my first step? Or rather, what’s our first step? Well, we can’t make that one step without knowing the journey or the purpose of the journey. For example, if you want to lose weight or stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend. It seems simple right? Maybe the solution is simple. Wrong. You can’t change that one thing with a snap of your fingers or in a blink of an eye. We’ll have to take baby steps to achieve that challenge. Actually, we’re in a journey. That journey is to graduate with a BS Pharmacy degree and adding that RPh in our last name. Now, what would be the first step? That first step maybe is waking up early in the morning for your 7AM class because you have to take your quiz. That is a step closer to achieve your dream. It’s important to celebrate that one step; it doesn’t need to be fancy. You could celebrate by eating the food that you’ve been craving for or watch one episode of your favorite TV show or simply celebrate with catching up on your sleep. If you’re in the middle of the journey and you feel tired and overwhelmed, just pause for a while and take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Remember all the struggles and pain that you’ve experienced while taking that baby steps.
Waiting plus doing nothing will not achieve that goal. If you wait for those things to happen, probably, nothing will happen. No dreams and goals will be achieved. You need to take the first step and the rest will follow. Remember the words of Lao Tzu, “A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step” and act accordingly.
PS: If planning to copy, simple send me a message for permission. Thanks!
Me and my classmates watched the movie when we were dismissed early in class. They were debating about what to watch and their choices are Train To Busan, Camp Sawi or Pamilya Ordinaryo. Then, one friend of mine told them that we should definitely watch Train To Busan because it’s a great movie and we all believed her. So, we ordered Jollibee for to go and went inside the cinema.
The movie is really amazing! It is so intense and different kinds of emotions poured out while watching it. I definitely love the character of the Husband of the Pregnant lady. I was so devastated when he did his thing (oops no spoilers). The zombie scared the shit out of me, sometimes.
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