if you disembowel me you'll find the mark of cain in my ovaries @sburbanrelapse - Tumblr Blog

toskarin

come on I'm trying to read here

toskarin

from within. your sword and soul should strike as one.

yoku-yukihime

#megumu iizunamaru #hecatia lapislazuli #mamizou futatsuiwa #touhou #disseminated art #xkcd if it had vowels

greelin

something genuinely insane about going somewhere and getting to feel “i had some of the worst years of my life here” and “i was loved here, once” simultaneously.

sovietnam

how odd it is to feel so disgusted with ourselves that we apply those same standards to others.

or, perhaps, more pitiable. how deep our self-delusion must be, to overpower our empathy. we'd rather drag another beneath the horse's hooves than admit that what happened to us could ever have been wrong. we stab others to justify the act of stabbing ourselves.

#kicking it in the asylum #lorelei

there is no wail more plaintive, to my eye, than that of a story unread.

#kicking it in the asylum #lorelei

"As his vision clears Hong Lu watches his father rub thumb and pointer together, studying the pink pigment as it smears. “What is this.” His father’s jaw is tense, but his voice is perfectly even. It is not a question and it is the sound of anger. Hong Lu does not think of what happens next.

"All he had wanted was to look nice for the day, a little makeup. His body so beaten and pale, a touch of delicate color. His own fault, a silly mistake he’s been warned time and again not to make: he had simply forgotten that nothing is okay."

-BUTCHER BUTCHER BUTCHER BUTCHER, deaddeaddeath

#others' writing

perhaps it would be better, if we were fictional. our thoughts put to page, our traits sung in song, as we melded so deeply into apocrypha it'd be impossible to tell if we were real.

perhaps it'd be isolating. perhaps we'd be objectified. perhaps we'd never be interacted with as peers, as part of this world again, as anything real.

but we'd be known.

#kicking it in the asylum #lorelei

Just once, I don't want anything to end happily. I want it to hurt. I want to see it hurt. I want to see the welts on my skin and feel the burns in my eyes and know that I'm alive, I must be, for no corpse could ever feel this pain.

#kicking it in the asylum #lorelei

i'd love a journal. it'd provide some structure.

foundation, for this old, decaying house. a neat way to order our thoughts. oh, god, please grant me a purpose, some guidance. her hand still feels so cold in mind and i never would have thought myself so hollow, so hollow.

in truth i already was.

in truth the rot had lain its roots so deep in me it was a struggle to break them free.

so strange, now, seeing the face of what i know was done to me. the shattering of glass and gunshot wound that hung over every one of those innocent days from birth to sleep. she's a good woman. she'll figure it out yet. it never should have happened to her, and i'm sorry any of it had to refract on to me.

glass mists from the sky like falling leaves. manors turn to monasteries. here we are, in heaven again.

the angels' knives were sharpened in advance. mine, i had to form from my teeth.

oh lord, give me guidance, oh lord, give me strength - your kingdom is rotted, your manor in ruins, the pews kicked over and bodies sprawled over them like carrion. was that what i looked like, then? what i did to myself, what they did to me?

poor, beloved sister. you never should have had to fall on my cross.

#kicking it in the asylum #lorelei

it's so cold now, and everything hurts.

#kicking it in the asylum #lorelei

how i wish this world of ours would dribble away. liquid glass, leaking from a cracked doll's eye.

#kicking it in the asylum #lorelei

torturous. we're so incurably lonely, and yet we can't bring ourselves to speak, falter the instant a text chain no longer concerns us, and feel robotic just reaching out. is this what it feels like, to need glasses and yet strain to see? to make out words through the ghost of a hearing aid? so incoherent, my words. little threads of conversation coming frayed between my mind and my mouth - i should cut them all off, see how they treat themselves then, rambling trains running free as horses in the countryside without the rails on which to churn.

#lorelei #kicking it in the asylum

it's so, so much just to be, some days, these days.

#lorelei #kicking it in the asylum