Rahul Kohli made the mistake of saying reylo doesn't make him horny and then he apologized saying it DOES make him horny and now this is happening in the comments under his apology
You just found out that your roommate is a literal god(dess). One who is completely unknown and has not a single follower, because apparently they tried that before and quote: "they were so annoying."
"Right." Lena's eyes weren't on the other woman as she said it though. Instead, her attention was locked onto the innocent white flowers blooming against green leaves. Flowers which Lena had watched blossom before her very eyes—as if she had been watching a time-lapse. The apparent cause: Kara, leaning over the potted plant and blowing gently across its branches. "A goddess."
"Please don't tell anyone," Kara begged with a wince.
"I won't," Lena promised, mostly on reflex. To be honest, she didn't think she could find someone who would even believe her. Hell, Lena probably wouldn't have believed it herself if she hadn't just witnessed irrefutable proof of the divine first-hand.
Still, Kara seemed relieved by the assurance, as she let out a sigh and her shoulders lost their tension. "Thanks. It's, not really something I want getting out, you know? I mean, it's hard enough-"
"How?" Lena interrupted. She was yet to look away from the flowers. With a jerk of her arm, to wave in their direction, she clarified, "How did you..."
Kara blinked, seemingly caught off-guard by the question. "Oh." She glanced down at the potted plumeria, then back over to Lena and shrugged. "I dunno. I just, wanted it to happen and it did. Or asked it, or willed it, or something. I'm not sure, it's not really a science."
"You don't know," Lena echoed. "You don't... You don't know." She swallowed, mouth dry, still staring at the impossible flowers.
"Are you alright?" Without even looking, Lena knew from Kara's tone that a small crinkle had formed between her brow. Cautiously, Kara stepped closer.
"I'm fine," Lena told her, though her voice was too high even to her own ears. She could hear her own heartbeat pounding away as she stared at the plumeria flowers. The ones she'd seen blossom bloom right in front of her.
"...Would you like to sit down?"
"Yes please."
Several minutes later Lena sat at their small kitchen table, hands wrapped around a lightly steaming mug of herbal tea. It was Kara's own blend, the soothing effects of which she swore by. The thought occurred to Lena that Kara very possibly grew the leaves herself—just as she had the plumerias. Was the tea itself magical? Lena's grip on the mug tightened as she felt her thoughts beginning to spiral once more.
"You okay?" Kara asked, and Lena glanced up from her tea.
"Fine," she replied after a beat. "Just, processing."
"Take your time," Kara offered quietly. Lena nodded, and took a sip of her tea.
By the time her tea was half-gone, Lena felt steady enough to broach, "So. You're a goddess."
"Just a small one."
A small goddess. Right. Lena took a deep breath. "Okay. Where do you come from?"
"Uh... Greece? Thessaly, I think, but borders change. There was a small farming community near-"
"No," Lena interrupted, though she filed away the information. "I mean, where do you come from? Were you..." she gestured vaguely, "born?"
"Oh." Kara blinked, as though she'd never considered it before, and tilted her head thoughtfully. "I don't think I was born, exactly. It's kind of fuzzy. The earliest memories I have are of people praying at my shrine. Over time it gets more distinct, but... I don't know. Maybe that's how gods are born, people pray hard enough and we start to exist."
That... made no sense at all, but it was enough of an explanation for Lena to pretend it did. Enough to shelve and move on from before it drove her insane. Instead, Lena directed her focus towards safer topics. "What are you the god of, exactly?"
For some reason, that question caused Kara's face to flush bright red. "Oh, you know," she said vaguely, avoiding Lena's gaze. "This and that. More of a, miscellaneous deity, really. Warmth, sunlight, mild summers. Crops. Um. New life."
"Fertility," Lena clarified, and Kara's blush grew even fiercer. "You're a fertility goddess."
"Not like that," Kara said firmly. Then the blush spread to her ears and she reluctantly amended, "Well, okay, yes like that but mostly just plants and animals. The, human fertility thing was very much a later addition."
"So what happened to you?" Lena asked, changing the subject partly for Kara's sake and partly to sate her own curiosity.
Kara's brow crinkled and she met Lena's eyes with mild confusion. "What do you mean?"
"What happened to you?" Lena repeated, and waved her arm generically at Kara. "You're a goddess. An actual, living goddess. Why are you masquerading as a broke college student when you could be, I don't know, having your followers wait on you hand and foot?"
Kara blinked, then scowled. "I am not broke."
"I've been paying your share of the rent for the last six months," Lena deadpanned.
"I'm going to pay you back!"
"Kara. I don't care about the money." Lena had cash to burn, and the joy of Kara's presence far outweighed the price of rent. "I just don't understand why you're here instead of, I don't know, ruling from Olympus or something."
"Okay well first of all," Kara told her, "I'm a minor goddess at best; I'm not ruling from anywhere. Second of all, losing my shrine and my followers was the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean, sure, in the beginning it was nice. People would pray for good crops—or an easy pregnancy for their livestock—I do my thing, and come springtime they sacrifice a portion in my honor. It was nice."
"Then?" Lena pressed.
"Then I got popular," Kara said, spitting the word like it was a curse. "At first, it was just the one town. Then word spread, and people start traveling to see me. And they don't want me to bless their crops or their livestock, no. They want me to bless their pregnancies. Human pregnancies. Human conception. In my shrine."
Lena grimaced. "People were..."
"Yes." Kara's face was aghast as she stared into space, like she was reliving it first-hand. "While praying to me. Imagine strangers coming into your house and doing that in the middle of your living room. While calling your name." Kara shuddered. "Every time someone prays to me, I hear it. Doesn't matter where I am, or where they are, it's like a direct line into my brain."
"That sounds... horrifying," Lena agreed. "I can see why you're glad to be forgotten." She couldn't begin to imagine what that would be like—people constantly intruding on her life with their most intimate moments. Then, a memory struck her and Lena felt her own cheeks grow warmer as she recalled several... moments of indiscretion. Moments in which she may or may not have spoken the name of her extremely attractive roommate while otherwise... occupied. Clearing her throat, Lena found her mouth suddenly dry as she nervously asked, "Um. What... constitutes a prayer, exactly?"
The moment Kara's eyes met hers, Kara's blush returned in full force and Lena had her answer. "Um. Well it's sort of a- a broad definition," Kara stammered. "Hard to label, really. But, if you were to, um, address me—especially while... um, engaging in... certain activities—that would, uh, that would definitely count."
"Oh god." Lena buried her face in her hands, both to concral the burning heat she felt in her ears and to hide from Kara's gaze. "Just kill me now." Normally, Lena would consider death by mortification to be a bit of a stretch, but she'd just learned that gods were real so she was hoping for a miracle.
"I mean I'm flattered, obviously," Kara rushed to assure her. "You're absolutely gorgeous, anyone would be lucky to have you, um, think about them, like that. I just, figured you should know that I could actually... hear it."
"I'm going to jump off a bridge," Lena mumbled into her hands.
"Please don't," Kara begged, voice strained. "I mean if you don't want to be roommates anymore, that's fine. But I was actually hoping we could... maybe grab drinks, or something?"
Lena lifted her hands from her face—putting her imminent demise on hold so she could fix Kara with an incredulous stare. "Are you asking me out?"
"I mean you don't have to say yes," Kara added quickly. "It's fine if you don't-"
"Kara. You are a goddess-" "Minor goddess." "You must be thousands of years old-" "Three thousand." "Why the hell would you want to go out with me?"
"Because I like you," Kara answered, as though it were the simplest thing in the world. The sheer sincerity of it—the matter-of-fact tone in which it was delivered—stole whatever words Lena was going to say next. "I like making you smile, and laugh," Kara continued. "I like being there for you when your family is awful. I like watching you when you work, the way you get when you're focused on a problem. I like being the one who reminds you to take breaks, and helping you wind down after a long day. And I like making sure that your favorite flowers are always in bloom, so that you have something to look forward to when you come home."
A soft "Oh" was all Lena could think to say to that. Then, after a few moments she cleared her throat and glanced away. "Um, drinks, you said? There's uh‐ There's a new bar, down on Fifth. Sign said they do karaoke on Fridays."
Kara's face lit up and she beamed at Lena with the warmth of a thousand summers. "Sounds perfect."
Shout out to Bill Potts. Underrated companion. A black woman, a lesbian, fell in love with a sentient puddle, had a date interrupted by the literal pope, ran away with the afformentioned sentient puddle. No one is doing is quite like her.
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