just trying to learn

I'm just a baby radfem trying to learn. Please be nice. 22 years old.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

This was going to be my response to Simon but he blocked me:

Well, you’re not a man or a woman Simon. You’re a creature that is neither.

Womanhood isn’t about wearing a woman costume and being treated with misogyny, because womanhood can exist without the feminine gender role. The whole point of feminism is to get rid of the feminine gender role, and the masculine one, too.

Trans activism does the opposite, it validates these gender roles and makes womanhood about living under the patriarchal feminine role. In this way, trans activism reinforces patriarchal gender roles, by suggesting that womanhood is about living this costumed performance of femininity rather than about the life experience of existing in a female body.

The goal of feminism is to get rid of gender roles completely. Well even when gender roles are gone, there will still be biological differences. And womanhood would exist without misogyny, because womanhood is not defined by experiencing misogyny.

A white person who dresses up in a hijab can experience some effects of Islamophobia but it would never be the same life experience as a Muslim person who truly believes in Allah and has been raised with the culture since birth.

[simonalkenmayer]

One thing to add to the terf discussion: While it’s understandable a person wouldn’t want to have sex with a kind of genitals regardless of gender, one thing transphobes don’t consider is that many trans women don’t have penises anymore. A common thing that happens is a person is attracted to a trans woman->finds out shes a trans woman->denies their attraction, despite knowing she has a vagina now. And that’s clearly transphobia because only the knowledge that she is trans changed their mind.

Yes, I think we, on this blog, are all aware of that. But that isn’t what was said by any of the asks received last night.

The first anon said they asked Molly Anne if she’d sleep with a trans woman. And because she didn’t directly answer the question that must mean she’s a feef.

A later ask was allegedly a lesbian who was asked out by a specific person and that she said no because that person was trans and they had no sexual chemistry. That sounds transphobic, but it was written as if to imply by “they were trans” that in fact they had a penis and this person knew it. But it could easily have been one of the staged asks designed to make the idea of terfism seem to have a context in which its acceptable.

Then I was accused of siding with TERFS because I said that a person doesn’t have to be attracted to all people within a group, just because they lean toward a sexual attraction to that group. I was told that genitals don’t matter. And they don’t…DOR GENDER. But as I replied, gender and sex are not the same thing. See here: if you say “I have male parts but that doesn’t matter because I am a woman. Genitals don’t matter to gender” you are saying that sex and gender are divided. If you then say everyone who is attracted to the female gender has to also be attracted to you, you are re-linking gender and sex, nullifying your own assertion. It’s a paradox. Gender and sex are not connected. You say you’re female and live as one, then you are one, but your parts are still there unless you have them altered, and that physical body may not be one that attracts everyone who are attracyed to women. Period.

The final ask was merely a bunch of capital letters going on about how perts don’t matter and that trans women are women and that anyone who won’t sleep with a trans woman isn’t actually attracted to women or is teansmusoginisf. That everyone who is an ally is just pretending to be for some inexplicable reason and oh how tragic is the fate of all these supposed sexually divested involuntary celibates in the trans female community. That was sarcasm on my part. I’m sure there are many lonely trans women who deal with trans trans misogyny , the issue being that none of them in their right mind would ever demand an ally prove themselves by having sex.

The argument of “I like you, but wait you’re trans? How disgusting” was never put forth. Not once. That is obviously transphobic. Obviously. No one would ever dispute that. The scenario was never even introduced. So yes, you’re right, and I have never said anything different, but it isn’t something that was a part of the discussion and using an isolated counter example does not excuse the statements made.

Let me make a comparison- trump supporters say undocumented migrants are criminals. I can show them that a citizen is literally theee Times more likely to be a criminal, ten times more likely to be a felon. But they will say “what about that family whose parents were shot by that undocumented man”? That is a logical fallacy. Using one isolated and emotionally charged scenario to dispute or cast an emotional context on the statistics is not actually arguing anything. It’s simply attempting to obfuscate.

Yes, trans women are dumped for being trans and that is wrong. But that in no way contradicts what I have been arguing all morning—that not being attracted to a apecidic trans woman’s body is not transmisogyny.

And yes, I received your second ask. You don’t need to worry as I take no offense to having people discuss things with me so long as they are polite.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

I really like your blog but it does upset me to see you say these things, because “she likes me until she found this out about me” is the same type of friendzone argument that Nice Guys are making all the time. And it makes me sad to see you make this argument when it is trans women complaining that they got friendzoned. I really like your blog it’s so fun and interesting and I am just very disappointed in how you have handled these discussions.

@dworkinlover69 maybe you can explain this better please? I really respect this blog and it just makes me so sad that Simon for once won’t listen to reason! Because Simon is always so kind and polite and reasonable.

[simonalkenmayer]

My friend…if you were paying attention or reading closely, you’d see I’m in fact arguing the precise opposite of that. I cannot improve your reading skills, but I can absolutely tell you that you are wrong and I don’t care if it makes sense to you. 

Other people understood me just fine. 

Let me make this clear: I said it is wrong to say “I won’t date you because you are trans” But said that if a person does not want to have sex with a penis, that is their right. 

If you find yourself disappointed with me, then you can leave my blog, because I will never tell a person they do not have the physical autonomy to select what makes them sexually attracted to someone. That’s simply wrong.I will however tell them that they ought to think past physicality. I will also tell them that trans women are women and that gender has nothing to do with biological sexual organs or sexual attraction.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Well but you’re contradicting yourself… you said that a woman has the right to say no to a trans woman, because everyone has valid preferences.

But then you said that if a woman said no to dating a trans woman then she is transphobic, because if you like someone until you find out they are trans, then you must be obligated to stay with them or else you are transphobic. This is just like those Nice Guys who say that women like their personalities online but won’t date them when they see their looks.

So is she allowed to have preferences or not? You’re arguing a catch 22.

I hope I am explaining this well! And please don’t be so callous.

So you are saying that a woman is allowed to have preferences, but she would be transphobic and a bigot if she said no to dating a trans woman.

Do you think that could put pressure on young teenage lesbians to date trans women they are not attracted to, because they would be afraid of being called terf bigots if they say no? Young lesbians have no support, not even in the LGBT community. Their preferences are not seen as valid.

Please be empathetic to lesbians. Thank you Simon.

[nobodysgrandma-blog]

Uhh, maybe you should learn how to be empathetic to trans people? Genital preferences are in fact transphobic. Here, watch this educational video and it will explain how genital preferences are caused by culture, intersex people exist so biology is just a social construct, and we all have the responsibility to unlearn genital preferences as well as all other parts of transphobia:

This is because of something called the Cotton Ceiling, which is a term for the oppression faced by trans people in the dating scene. Here, read this article to educate yourself.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

@dworkinlover69 @notcisjustwoman @sis-not-cis please help me I can’t handle all of this!!

[simonalkenmayer]

You are again misreading and miscomprehending.

I said it is wrong to say you won’t date trans people because they are trans.  It’s not, however, transphobic to say you are not sexually attracted to a specific person’s body.

If you have a problem with that argument, you can consider yourself blocked because I’m no longer interested in entertaining people who argue that people have no right to have physical preferences. 

[helianthus-hellion]

it’s really not that difficult - deciding you would never date a trans person because they’re trans is bad because you’re assuming you know that all trans people are unattractive to you, despite the incredibly wide variance in trans people (in this particular case, trans women). saying “I will not date this person because I dislike xyz about their physical form/appearance” is not, in and of itself, bigoted. it might be worth looking at yourself to see if your preferences come from a place of bigotry (e.g. disliking dark skin because you grew up in a society that pushes eurocentric standards of beauty, disliking penises because you incorrectly associate them with men), and it’s also true that many people will date someone with a characteristic they don’t typically “prefer” (e.g. someone who prefers to date blondes could still be perfectly happy dating someone with dark hair, depending on the people involved). you absolutely have the right to decide you won’t date or have sex with a specific person, no one’s arguing against that - but some preferences are bigoted or stem from bigotry, and it’s important to acknowledge that.

@scaredtimidbabbyfem you seem like you’re actually open to discussing this and potentially reconsidering your views, if that’s the case and you don’t understand something i’ve said in this reply please feel free to request clarification. however if you, or anyone else reading this, only want to argue in bad faith, i’m not interested and will block you.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Are you open to reconsidering your views as well? I do not think it’s fair to compare being biologically homosexual to things like hair color preference. Nobody is born with a hair color preference.

I see your point about racism but again nobody is born genetically attracted only to certain skin tones, but homosexuality has to do with biology, pheromones, etc...

I don’t see the difference between telling a lesbian that “oh, you should never say that you would never date any man! there might just be one you will be attracted to at some point!” and saying the same thing about trans women.

Because both trans women and men have the same male biology. And that is not avoidable. I read a post recently written by a lesbian about how she tried sex with a trans woman and it was like being with a man, that even with all of the hormones and cosmetic surgery, it is not at all the same as being with a woman.

Can you please explain to me, do you think homosexuality is biological or not?

And if people are biologically homosexual, then how would cosmetic surgery or hormones somehow change all of a person’s DNA or bone structure? A lot of trans women might look very close to a real woman when they are in photoshopped pictures and have had lots of plastic surgery and wear a lot of makeup, but they look like men in real life. Even those like Laverne Cox who are wealthy and have good plastic surgeons still look like men. And sex is very intimate and women have fundamentally different bodies from men.

Riley J Dennis, in that video right up there, he looks very much like a man with that Adam’s Apple of his. So to say that hormones and surgery will totally erase a trans woman’s maleness is pretty false.

[simonalkenmayer]

Lesbians won't date ALL men, they don't need to "find the right one" and it isn't misandric to say that lesbians deny sex to ALL men

For reference:

This statement  ^ appears to me to be transphobic. It appears to assert that trans women are not women, but I could be misreading or making an assumption of the intended statement. They could mean “male genitals” or they could actually mean to say that male sex organs makes a person male. I’m not sure what to think.

Let’s dissect this, because now I’m intrigued. What is a lesbian? Is it a person who is of the female gender? Or is it someone who has female genitals? Or both? Is that person then a lesbian if attracted only to the female gender? Or only physically attracted to vaginas? Or both? Same question for gay men.

You tell me, because I’m confused and I am not sure everyone will give the same reply. Let’s be succinct in our definitions because I think that’s where much of the confusion lies.

If a lesbian is someone who both identifies as female and also has female genitals, who is attracted only to those who are of the female gender but who also have female genitals, then they will obviously not wish to have sex with a penis, but that doesn’t mean they cannot find compatibility with a trans woman who also has a vagina. She would fit the criteria, so to speak. Is that right?

So please do enlighten this very tired creature, because clearly, I am an ignorant sod and need to be educated. And I’m fairly sure I’m in for a doozy.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Simon, I don’t mean to be graphic or disturb you with this information, but what you may not understand is that a neo-vagina isn’t actually anything like a real one. It’s a surgically inverted penis, the inside is either penis skin or they use a section of your colon. It doesn’t have a real clitoris--it might have a little nub constructed out of the tip of the penis, but a real clitoris is a large organ that goes inside the body. Are you not familiar with anatomy?

Neo-vaginas are prone to infections, they can grow hair inside of them, they can have traces of fecal matter in the case of using sections of colon to construct them.

The life experience of having a real vagina is nothing at all like the life experience of having a surgically inverted penis, and they don’t function the same way during sex at all. Neo-vaginas do not secrete female sexual mucus, they do not respond to stimulus, they’re mostly just cosmetic.

Less than 10% of trans women get bottom surgery, so there’s no point in saying that a lesbian should be attracted to this.

Cosmetic surgery doesn’t turn a man in to a woman. Neither do hormones made out of horse urine.

Womanhood is the lived experience of existing in a female body. Lesbians are women who are attracted exclusively to women.

Bisexual women can be attracted to men, but lesbians can never be attracted to a male body, because they are biologically homosexual. The idea that a lesbian has to “keep an open mind” or that she can’t say that she would never date any trans person, that is the same as saying she shouldn’t say that she would never date a man, that she should keep an open mind.

The end game is the same: to try to convince a lesbian that she needs to keep her body open for some potential male person at some point in her life, and if she never actually gets with a male person? Well then, she is called a transphobic bigot.

This gives trans women power over lesbians in the LGBT community, because often if a young lesbian denies a trans woman’s advances then the lesbian will be called a TERF and excommunicated from the only support that she has.

So you see, trans women are kicking lesbians out of feminist spaces and out of LGBT spaces and lesbians have nobody left to turn to for support.

[simonalkenmayer]

One thing to add to the terf discussion: While it’s understandable a person wouldn’t want to have sex with a kind of genitals regardless of gender, one thing transphobes don’t consider is that many trans women don’t have penises anymore. A common thing that happens is a person is attracted to a trans woman->finds out shes a trans woman->denies their attraction, despite knowing she has a vagina now. And that’s clearly transphobia because only the knowledge that she is trans changed their mind.

Yes, I think we, on this blog, are all aware of that. But that isn’t what was said by any of the asks received last night.

The first anon said they asked Molly Anne if she’d sleep with a trans woman. And because she didn’t directly answer the question that must mean she’s a feef.

A later ask was allegedly a lesbian who was asked out by a specific person and that she said no because that person was trans and they had no sexual chemistry. That sounds transphobic, but it was written as if to imply by “they were trans” that in fact they had a penis and this person knew it. But it could easily have been one of the staged asks designed to make the idea of terfism seem to have a context in which its acceptable.

Then I was accused of siding with TERFS because I said that a person doesn’t have to be attracted to all people within a group, just because they lean toward a sexual attraction to that group. I was told that genitals don’t matter. And they don’t…DOR GENDER. But as I replied, gender and sex are not the same thing. See here: if you say “I have male parts but that doesn’t matter because I am a woman. Genitals don’t matter to gender” you are saying that sex and gender are divided. If you then say everyone who is attracted to the female gender has to also be attracted to you, you are re-linking gender and sex, nullifying your own assertion. It’s a paradox. Gender and sex are not connected. You say you’re female and live as one, then you are one, but your parts are still there unless you have them altered, and that physical body may not be one that attracts everyone who are attracyed to women. Period.

The final ask was merely a bunch of capital letters going on about how perts don’t matter and that trans women are women and that anyone who won’t sleep with a trans woman isn’t actually attracted to women or is teansmusoginisf. That everyone who is an ally is just pretending to be for some inexplicable reason and oh how tragic is the fate of all these supposed sexually divested involuntary celibates in the trans female community. That was sarcasm on my part. I’m sure there are many lonely trans women who deal with trans trans misogyny , the issue being that none of them in their right mind would ever demand an ally prove themselves by having sex.

The argument of “I like you, but wait you’re trans? How disgusting” was never put forth. Not once. That is obviously transphobic. Obviously. No one would ever dispute that. The scenario was never even introduced. So yes, you’re right, and I have never said anything different, but it isn’t something that was a part of the discussion and using an isolated counter example does not excuse the statements made.

Let me make a comparison- trump supporters say undocumented migrants are criminals. I can show them that a citizen is literally theee Times more likely to be a criminal, ten times more likely to be a felon. But they will say “what about that family whose parents were shot by that undocumented man”? That is a logical fallacy. Using one isolated and emotionally charged scenario to dispute or cast an emotional context on the statistics is not actually arguing anything. It’s simply attempting to obfuscate.

Yes, trans women are dumped for being trans and that is wrong. But that in no way contradicts what I have been arguing all morning—that not being attracted to a apecidic trans woman’s body is not transmisogyny.

And yes, I received your second ask. You don’t need to worry as I take no offense to having people discuss things with me so long as they are polite.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

I really like your blog but it does upset me to see you say these things, because “she likes me until she found this out about me” is the same type of friendzone argument that Nice Guys are making all the time. And it makes me sad to see you make this argument when it is trans women complaining that they got friendzoned. I really like your blog it’s so fun and interesting and I am just very disappointed in how you have handled these discussions.

@dworkinlover69 maybe you can explain this better please? I really respect this blog and it just makes me so sad that Simon for once won’t listen to reason! Because Simon is always so kind and polite and reasonable.

[simonalkenmayer]

My friend…if you were paying attention or reading closely, you’d see I’m in fact arguing the precise opposite of that. I cannot improve your reading skills, but I can absolutely tell you that you are wrong and I don’t care if it makes sense to you. 

Other people understood me just fine. 

Let me make this clear: I said it is wrong to say “I won’t date you because you are trans” But said that if a person does not want to have sex with a penis, that is their right. 

If you find yourself disappointed with me, then you can leave my blog, because I will never tell a person they do not have the physical autonomy to select what makes them sexually attracted to someone. That’s simply wrong.I will however tell them that they ought to think past physicality. I will also tell them that trans women are women and that gender has nothing to do with biological sexual organs or sexual attraction.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Well but you’re contradicting yourself… you said that a woman has the right to say no to a trans woman, because everyone has valid preferences.

But then you said that if a woman said no to dating a trans woman then she is transphobic, because if you like someone until you find out they are trans, then you must be obligated to stay with them or else you are transphobic. This is just like those Nice Guys who say that women like their personalities online but won’t date them when they see their looks.

So is she allowed to have preferences or not? You’re arguing a catch 22.

I hope I am explaining this well! And please don’t be so callous.

So you are saying that a woman is allowed to have preferences, but she would be transphobic and a bigot if she said no to dating a trans woman.

Do you think that could put pressure on young teenage lesbians to date trans women they are not attracted to, because they would be afraid of being called terf bigots if they say no? Young lesbians have no support, not even in the LGBT community. Their preferences are not seen as valid.

Please be empathetic to lesbians. Thank you Simon.

[nobodysgrandma-blog]

Uhh, maybe you should learn how to be empathetic to trans people? Genital preferences are in fact transphobic. Here, watch this educational video and it will explain how genital preferences are caused by culture, intersex people exist so biology is just a social construct, and we all have the responsibility to unlearn genital preferences as well as all other parts of transphobia:

This is because of something called the Cotton Ceiling, which is a term for the oppression faced by trans people in the dating scene. Here, read this article to educate yourself.

[tygressofaera]

To be fair Drew was an utter assbutt about the whole thing and it should have stopped there, What happened after was the term was still an unknown and was picked up by the head of Planned Parenthood Toronto. 

This was used to put out an ad for a workshop for trans women to get past their own issues and baggage about all of this. A total of 7 people went to this.

The insane thing TERFs use currently is a spin job by Cathy Brennan and her friends plus her Org Gender Identity watch to create an entire new narrative of what was going on that became massively wide spread. And the Why/ is very simple. What happens to TERF logic, dogma, writings when trans people are who they always have said they are? What happens to the bigoted colonizing within the L community which they need? Even if we set aside Ego and TERFs have huge egos we can directly look at funds. All major transphobes, all major TERFs literally get paid for their bigotry.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

How do you get paid for being a radfem? @dworkinlover69 do you know about this

[simonalkenmayer]

One thing to add to the terf discussion: While it’s understandable a person wouldn’t want to have sex with a kind of genitals regardless of gender, one thing transphobes don’t consider is that many trans women don’t have penises anymore. A common thing that happens is a person is attracted to a trans woman->finds out shes a trans woman->denies their attraction, despite knowing she has a vagina now. And that’s clearly transphobia because only the knowledge that she is trans changed their mind.

Yes, I think we, on this blog, are all aware of that. But that isn’t what was said by any of the asks received last night.

The first anon said they asked Molly Anne if she’d sleep with a trans woman. And because she didn’t directly answer the question that must mean she’s a feef.

A later ask was allegedly a lesbian who was asked out by a specific person and that she said no because that person was trans and they had no sexual chemistry. That sounds transphobic, but it was written as if to imply by “they were trans” that in fact they had a penis and this person knew it. But it could easily have been one of the staged asks designed to make the idea of terfism seem to have a context in which its acceptable.

Then I was accused of siding with TERFS because I said that a person doesn’t have to be attracted to all people within a group, just because they lean toward a sexual attraction to that group. I was told that genitals don’t matter. And they don’t…DOR GENDER. But as I replied, gender and sex are not the same thing. See here: if you say “I have male parts but that doesn’t matter because I am a woman. Genitals don’t matter to gender” you are saying that sex and gender are divided. If you then say everyone who is attracted to the female gender has to also be attracted to you, you are re-linking gender and sex, nullifying your own assertion. It’s a paradox. Gender and sex are not connected. You say you’re female and live as one, then you are one, but your parts are still there unless you have them altered, and that physical body may not be one that attracts everyone who are attracyed to women. Period.

The final ask was merely a bunch of capital letters going on about how perts don’t matter and that trans women are women and that anyone who won’t sleep with a trans woman isn’t actually attracted to women or is teansmusoginisf. That everyone who is an ally is just pretending to be for some inexplicable reason and oh how tragic is the fate of all these supposed sexually divested involuntary celibates in the trans female community. That was sarcasm on my part. I’m sure there are many lonely trans women who deal with trans trans misogyny , the issue being that none of them in their right mind would ever demand an ally prove themselves by having sex.

The argument of “I like you, but wait you’re trans? How disgusting” was never put forth. Not once. That is obviously transphobic. Obviously. No one would ever dispute that. The scenario was never even introduced. So yes, you’re right, and I have never said anything different, but it isn’t something that was a part of the discussion and using an isolated counter example does not excuse the statements made.

Let me make a comparison- trump supporters say undocumented migrants are criminals. I can show them that a citizen is literally theee Times more likely to be a criminal, ten times more likely to be a felon. But they will say “what about that family whose parents were shot by that undocumented man”? That is a logical fallacy. Using one isolated and emotionally charged scenario to dispute or cast an emotional context on the statistics is not actually arguing anything. It’s simply attempting to obfuscate.

Yes, trans women are dumped for being trans and that is wrong. But that in no way contradicts what I have been arguing all morning—that not being attracted to a apecidic trans woman’s body is not transmisogyny.

And yes, I received your second ask. You don’t need to worry as I take no offense to having people discuss things with me so long as they are polite.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

I really like your blog but it does upset me to see you say these things, because “she likes me until she found this out about me” is the same type of friendzone argument that Nice Guys are making all the time. And it makes me sad to see you make this argument when it is trans women complaining that they got friendzoned. I really like your blog it’s so fun and interesting and I am just very disappointed in how you have handled these discussions.

@dworkinlover69 maybe you can explain this better please? I really respect this blog and it just makes me so sad that Simon for once won’t listen to reason! Because Simon is always so kind and polite and reasonable.

[simonalkenmayer]

My friend…if you were paying attention or reading closely, you’d see I’m in fact arguing the precise opposite of that. I cannot improve your reading skills, but I can absolutely tell you that you are wrong and I don’t care if it makes sense to you. 

Other people understood me just fine. 

Let me make this clear: I said it is wrong to say “I won’t date you because you are trans” But said that if a person does not want to have sex with a penis, that is their right. 

If you find yourself disappointed with me, then you can leave my blog, because I will never tell a person they do not have the physical autonomy to select what makes them sexually attracted to someone. That’s simply wrong.I will however tell them that they ought to think past physicality. I will also tell them that trans women are women and that gender has nothing to do with biological sexual organs or sexual attraction.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Well but you’re contradicting yourself… you said that a woman has the right to say no to a trans woman, because everyone has valid preferences.

But then you said that if a woman said no to dating a trans woman then she is transphobic, because if you like someone until you find out they are trans, then you must be obligated to stay with them or else you are transphobic. This is just like those Nice Guys who say that women like their personalities online but won’t date them when they see their looks.

So is she allowed to have preferences or not? You’re arguing a catch 22.

I hope I am explaining this well! And please don’t be so callous.

So you are saying that a woman is allowed to have preferences, but she would be transphobic and a bigot if she said no to dating a trans woman.

Do you think that could put pressure on young teenage lesbians to date trans women they are not attracted to, because they would be afraid of being called terf bigots if they say no? Young lesbians have no support, not even in the LGBT community. Their preferences are not seen as valid.

Please be empathetic to lesbians. Thank you Simon.

[nobodysgrandma-blog]

Uhh, maybe you should learn how to be empathetic to trans people? Genital preferences are in fact transphobic. Here, watch this educational video and it will explain how genital preferences are caused by culture, intersex people exist so biology is just a social construct, and we all have the responsibility to unlearn genital preferences as well as all other parts of transphobia:

This is because of something called the Cotton Ceiling, which is a term for the oppression faced by trans people in the dating scene. Here, read this article to educate yourself.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

@dworkinlover69 @notcisjustwoman @sis-not-cis please help me I can’t handle all of this!!

[simonalkenmayer]

You are again misreading and miscomprehending.

I said it is wrong to say you won’t date trans people because they are trans.  It’s not, however, transphobic to say you are not sexually attracted to a specific person’s body.

If you have a problem with that argument, you can consider yourself blocked because I’m no longer interested in entertaining people who argue that people have no right to have physical preferences. 

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Simon, your two statements contradict each other, how can you not see that? You are always so logical and well reasoned that I don’t see how you don’t notice the catch 22 situation.

Saying that you won’t date someone because they are trans is the same thing as saying that you’re not attracted to their body. Lesbians are not attracted to penises because lesbians are gay. They like the same sex.

And now, all of these horrible people are telling lesbians that they are transphobic bigots if they refuse to date a trans person.

Think about this happening in real life to a young lesbian. Imagine if she says no when a trans woman asks her on a date. Then the trans woman tells the rest of the school that she is a bigot for saying no and now everyone will bully her! Even in the LGBT club! Lesbians are getting kicked out of LGBT clubs and bullied by trans women all over the place!

That is why lesbian bars are disappearing, too, because the lesbian bars just ended up filled with trans women who would hit on lesbians and call lesbians bigots if they didn’t date them. So now lesbians have no spaces left!

Please have some empathy for lesbians and stop telling lesbians that they are transphobic or making them feel guilty just for being born homosexual!

Thank you Simon.

[cunt-with-a-blunt-deactivated20]

Some of you don’t actually think women are an oppressed class of people and it shows

[sovietjuly]

[feministvenus]

I love women supporting and protecting women at parties. I was at a party once and there was only one other girl there. When she went for a run to the liquor store she insisted that I,a total stranger, came with her so I wouldn’t be alone with a room full of men. Later that night when I went home she put her number in my phone and told me to text her when I got home safe. Last week I was going to walk home from a party at my friends house but she told me there was no way I was walking home alone at night so she literally tucked me into her bed, kissed my head, and put a glass of water on the nightstand. This is the sister solidarity that we need. We have to look out for each other.

[breadandflowers]

🤔

[simonalkenmayer]

One thing to add to the terf discussion: While it’s understandable a person wouldn’t want to have sex with a kind of genitals regardless of gender, one thing transphobes don’t consider is that many trans women don’t have penises anymore. A common thing that happens is a person is attracted to a trans woman->finds out shes a trans woman->denies their attraction, despite knowing she has a vagina now. And that’s clearly transphobia because only the knowledge that she is trans changed their mind.

Yes, I think we, on this blog, are all aware of that. But that isn’t what was said by any of the asks received last night.

The first anon said they asked Molly Anne if she’d sleep with a trans woman. And because she didn’t directly answer the question that must mean she’s a feef.

A later ask was allegedly a lesbian who was asked out by a specific person and that she said no because that person was trans and they had no sexual chemistry. That sounds transphobic, but it was written as if to imply by “they were trans” that in fact they had a penis and this person knew it. But it could easily have been one of the staged asks designed to make the idea of terfism seem to have a context in which its acceptable.

Then I was accused of siding with TERFS because I said that a person doesn’t have to be attracted to all people within a group, just because they lean toward a sexual attraction to that group. I was told that genitals don’t matter. And they don’t…DOR GENDER. But as I replied, gender and sex are not the same thing. See here: if you say “I have male parts but that doesn’t matter because I am a woman. Genitals don’t matter to gender” you are saying that sex and gender are divided. If you then say everyone who is attracted to the female gender has to also be attracted to you, you are re-linking gender and sex, nullifying your own assertion. It’s a paradox. Gender and sex are not connected. You say you’re female and live as one, then you are one, but your parts are still there unless you have them altered, and that physical body may not be one that attracts everyone who are attracyed to women. Period.

The final ask was merely a bunch of capital letters going on about how perts don’t matter and that trans women are women and that anyone who won’t sleep with a trans woman isn’t actually attracted to women or is teansmusoginisf. That everyone who is an ally is just pretending to be for some inexplicable reason and oh how tragic is the fate of all these supposed sexually divested involuntary celibates in the trans female community. That was sarcasm on my part. I’m sure there are many lonely trans women who deal with trans trans misogyny , the issue being that none of them in their right mind would ever demand an ally prove themselves by having sex.

The argument of “I like you, but wait you’re trans? How disgusting” was never put forth. Not once. That is obviously transphobic. Obviously. No one would ever dispute that. The scenario was never even introduced. So yes, you’re right, and I have never said anything different, but it isn’t something that was a part of the discussion and using an isolated counter example does not excuse the statements made.

Let me make a comparison- trump supporters say undocumented migrants are criminals. I can show them that a citizen is literally theee Times more likely to be a criminal, ten times more likely to be a felon. But they will say “what about that family whose parents were shot by that undocumented man”? That is a logical fallacy. Using one isolated and emotionally charged scenario to dispute or cast an emotional context on the statistics is not actually arguing anything. It’s simply attempting to obfuscate.

Yes, trans women are dumped for being trans and that is wrong. But that in no way contradicts what I have been arguing all morning—that not being attracted to a apecidic trans woman’s body is not transmisogyny.

And yes, I received your second ask. You don’t need to worry as I take no offense to having people discuss things with me so long as they are polite.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

I really like your blog but it does upset me to see you say these things, because “she likes me until she found this out about me” is the same type of friendzone argument that Nice Guys are making all the time. And it makes me sad to see you make this argument when it is trans women complaining that they got friendzoned. I really like your blog it’s so fun and interesting and I am just very disappointed in how you have handled these discussions.

@dworkinlover69 maybe you can explain this better please? I really respect this blog and it just makes me so sad that Simon for once won’t listen to reason! Because Simon is always so kind and polite and reasonable.

[simonalkenmayer]

My friend…if you were paying attention or reading closely, you’d see I’m in fact arguing the precise opposite of that. I cannot improve your reading skills, but I can absolutely tell you that you are wrong and I don’t care if it makes sense to you. 

Other people understood me just fine. 

Let me make this clear: I said it is wrong to say “I won’t date you because you are trans” But said that if a person does not want to have sex with a penis, that is their right. 

If you find yourself disappointed with me, then you can leave my blog, because I will never tell a person they do not have the physical autonomy to select what makes them sexually attracted to someone. That’s simply wrong.I will however tell them that they ought to think past physicality. I will also tell them that trans women are women and that gender has nothing to do with biological sexual organs or sexual attraction.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Well but you’re contradicting yourself… you said that a woman has the right to say no to a trans woman, because everyone has valid preferences.

But then you said that if a woman said no to dating a trans woman then she is transphobic, because if you like someone until you find out they are trans, then you must be obligated to stay with them or else you are transphobic. This is just like those Nice Guys who say that women like their personalities online but won’t date them when they see their looks.

So is she allowed to have preferences or not? You’re arguing a catch 22.

I hope I am explaining this well! And please don’t be so callous.

So you are saying that a woman is allowed to have preferences, but she would be transphobic and a bigot if she said no to dating a trans woman.

Do you think that could put pressure on young teenage lesbians to date trans women they are not attracted to, because they would be afraid of being called terf bigots if they say no? Young lesbians have no support, not even in the LGBT community. Their preferences are not seen as valid.

Please be empathetic to lesbians. Thank you Simon.

[nobodysgrandma-blog]

Uhh, maybe you should learn how to be empathetic to trans people? Genital preferences are in fact transphobic. Here, watch this educational video and it will explain how genital preferences are caused by culture, intersex people exist so biology is just a social construct, and we all have the responsibility to unlearn genital preferences as well as all other parts of transphobia:

This is because of something called the Cotton Ceiling, which is a term for the oppression faced by trans people in the dating scene. Here, read this article to educate yourself.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

@dworkinlover69 @notcisjustwoman @sis-not-cis please help me I can’t handle all of this!!

[simonalkenmayer]

One thing to add to the terf discussion: While it’s understandable a person wouldn’t want to have sex with a kind of genitals regardless of gender, one thing transphobes don’t consider is that many trans women don’t have penises anymore. A common thing that happens is a person is attracted to a trans woman->finds out shes a trans woman->denies their attraction, despite knowing she has a vagina now. And that’s clearly transphobia because only the knowledge that she is trans changed their mind.

Yes, I think we, on this blog, are all aware of that. But that isn’t what was said by any of the asks received last night.

The first anon said they asked Molly Anne if she’d sleep with a trans woman. And because she didn’t directly answer the question that must mean she’s a feef.

A later ask was allegedly a lesbian who was asked out by a specific person and that she said no because that person was trans and they had no sexual chemistry. That sounds transphobic, but it was written as if to imply by “they were trans” that in fact they had a penis and this person knew it. But it could easily have been one of the staged asks designed to make the idea of terfism seem to have a context in which its acceptable.

Then I was accused of siding with TERFS because I said that a person doesn’t have to be attracted to all people within a group, just because they lean toward a sexual attraction to that group. I was told that genitals don’t matter. And they don’t…DOR GENDER. But as I replied, gender and sex are not the same thing. See here: if you say “I have male parts but that doesn’t matter because I am a woman. Genitals don’t matter to gender” you are saying that sex and gender are divided. If you then say everyone who is attracted to the female gender has to also be attracted to you, you are re-linking gender and sex, nullifying your own assertion. It’s a paradox. Gender and sex are not connected. You say you’re female and live as one, then you are one, but your parts are still there unless you have them altered, and that physical body may not be one that attracts everyone who are attracyed to women. Period.

The final ask was merely a bunch of capital letters going on about how perts don’t matter and that trans women are women and that anyone who won’t sleep with a trans woman isn’t actually attracted to women or is teansmusoginisf. That everyone who is an ally is just pretending to be for some inexplicable reason and oh how tragic is the fate of all these supposed sexually divested involuntary celibates in the trans female community. That was sarcasm on my part. I’m sure there are many lonely trans women who deal with trans trans misogyny , the issue being that none of them in their right mind would ever demand an ally prove themselves by having sex.

The argument of “I like you, but wait you’re trans? How disgusting” was never put forth. Not once. That is obviously transphobic. Obviously. No one would ever dispute that. The scenario was never even introduced. So yes, you’re right, and I have never said anything different, but it isn’t something that was a part of the discussion and using an isolated counter example does not excuse the statements made.

Let me make a comparison- trump supporters say undocumented migrants are criminals. I can show them that a citizen is literally theee Times more likely to be a criminal, ten times more likely to be a felon. But they will say “what about that family whose parents were shot by that undocumented man”? That is a logical fallacy. Using one isolated and emotionally charged scenario to dispute or cast an emotional context on the statistics is not actually arguing anything. It’s simply attempting to obfuscate.

Yes, trans women are dumped for being trans and that is wrong. But that in no way contradicts what I have been arguing all morning—that not being attracted to a apecidic trans woman’s body is not transmisogyny.

And yes, I received your second ask. You don’t need to worry as I take no offense to having people discuss things with me so long as they are polite.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

I really like your blog but it does upset me to see you say these things, because “she likes me until she found this out about me” is the same type of friendzone argument that Nice Guys are making all the time. And it makes me sad to see you make this argument when it is trans women complaining that they got friendzoned. I really like your blog it’s so fun and interesting and I am just very disappointed in how you have handled these discussions.

@dworkinlover69 maybe you can explain this better please? I really respect this blog and it just makes me so sad that Simon for once won’t listen to reason! Because Simon is always so kind and polite and reasonable.

[simonalkenmayer]

My friend…if you were paying attention or reading closely, you’d see I’m in fact arguing the precise opposite of that. I cannot improve your reading skills, but I can absolutely tell you that you are wrong and I don’t care if it makes sense to you. 

Other people understood me just fine. 

Let me make this clear: I said it is wrong to say “I won’t date you because you are trans” But said that if a person does not want to have sex with a penis, that is their right. 

If you find yourself disappointed with me, then you can leave my blog, because I will never tell a person they do not have the physical autonomy to select what makes them sexually attracted to someone. That’s simply wrong.I will however tell them that they ought to think past physicality. I will also tell them that trans women are women and that gender has nothing to do with biological sexual organs or sexual attraction.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

Well but you’re contradicting yourself… you said that a woman has the right to say no to a trans woman, because everyone has valid preferences.

But then you said that if a woman said no to dating a trans woman then she is transphobic, because if you like someone until you find out they are trans, then you must be obligated to stay with them or else you are transphobic. This is just like those Nice Guys who say that women like their personalities online but won’t date them when they see their looks.

So is she allowed to have preferences or not? You’re arguing a catch 22.

I hope I am explaining this well! And please don’t be so callous.

So you are saying that a woman is allowed to have preferences, but she would be transphobic and a bigot if she said no to dating a trans woman.

Do you think that could put pressure on young teenage lesbians to date trans women they are not attracted to, because they would be afraid of being called terf bigots if they say no? Young lesbians have no support, not even in the LGBT community. Their preferences are not seen as valid.

Please be empathetic to lesbians. Thank you Simon.

[frontholemonologues-deactivated]

gonna be honest I’m really not a fan of the “I’d rather deal with the bigotry coming from the right than from the left” conversation that’s been happening in radblr lately. id rather have neither! i don’t want men calling me a vagina owner and i don’t want men treating me like a baby machine! im not going to concede that one is worse/better than the other because I don’t want either group to think that they’re perpetuating a better or more benevolent form of misogyny or homophobia! both are awful, both need to be eradicated and both are hurting us in very real ways!

[brazenbipolar-blog]

Isn’t it amazing how men can do tons of psychedelics and claim they’ve become “enlightened” and learned to “love humanity” or whatever but somehow they remain misogynistic

[terven-semantics-deactivated201]

It’s because they don’t see women as human.

[simonalkenmayer]

One thing to add to the terf discussion: While it’s understandable a person wouldn’t want to have sex with a kind of genitals regardless of gender, one thing transphobes don’t consider is that many trans women don’t have penises anymore. A common thing that happens is a person is attracted to a trans woman->finds out shes a trans woman->denies their attraction, despite knowing she has a vagina now. And that’s clearly transphobia because only the knowledge that she is trans changed their mind.

Yes, I think we, on this blog, are all aware of that. But that isn’t what was said by any of the asks received last night.

The first anon said they asked Molly Anne if she’d sleep with a trans woman. And because she didn’t directly answer the question that must mean she’s a feef.

A later ask was allegedly a lesbian who was asked out by a specific person and that she said no because that person was trans and they had no sexual chemistry. That sounds transphobic, but it was written as if to imply by “they were trans” that in fact they had a penis and this person knew it. But it could easily have been one of the staged asks designed to make the idea of terfism seem to have a context in which its acceptable.

Then I was accused of siding with TERFS because I said that a person doesn’t have to be attracted to all people within a group, just because they lean toward a sexual attraction to that group. I was told that genitals don’t matter. And they don’t…DOR GENDER. But as I replied, gender and sex are not the same thing. See here: if you say “I have male parts but that doesn’t matter because I am a woman. Genitals don’t matter to gender” you are saying that sex and gender are divided. If you then say everyone who is attracted to the female gender has to also be attracted to you, you are re-linking gender and sex, nullifying your own assertion. It’s a paradox. Gender and sex are not connected. You say you’re female and live as one, then you are one, but your parts are still there unless you have them altered, and that physical body may not be one that attracts everyone who are attracyed to women. Period.

The final ask was merely a bunch of capital letters going on about how perts don’t matter and that trans women are women and that anyone who won’t sleep with a trans woman isn’t actually attracted to women or is teansmusoginisf. That everyone who is an ally is just pretending to be for some inexplicable reason and oh how tragic is the fate of all these supposed sexually divested involuntary celibates in the trans female community. That was sarcasm on my part. I’m sure there are many lonely trans women who deal with trans trans misogyny , the issue being that none of them in their right mind would ever demand an ally prove themselves by having sex.

The argument of “I like you, but wait you’re trans? How disgusting” was never put forth. Not once. That is obviously transphobic. Obviously. No one would ever dispute that. The scenario was never even introduced. So yes, you’re right, and I have never said anything different, but it isn’t something that was a part of the discussion and using an isolated counter example does not excuse the statements made.

Let me make a comparison- trump supporters say undocumented migrants are criminals. I can show them that a citizen is literally theee Times more likely to be a criminal, ten times more likely to be a felon. But they will say “what about that family whose parents were shot by that undocumented man”? That is a logical fallacy. Using one isolated and emotionally charged scenario to dispute or cast an emotional context on the statistics is not actually arguing anything. It’s simply attempting to obfuscate.

Yes, trans women are dumped for being trans and that is wrong. But that in no way contradicts what I have been arguing all morning—that not being attracted to a apecidic trans woman’s body is not transmisogyny.

And yes, I received your second ask. You don’t need to worry as I take no offense to having people discuss things with me so long as they are polite.

[scaredtimidbabbyfem]

I really like your blog but it does upset me to see you say these things, because “she likes me until she found this out about me” is the same type of friendzone argument that Nice Guys are making all the time. And it makes me sad to see you make this argument when it is trans women complaining that they got friendzoned. I really like your blog it’s so fun and interesting and I am just very disappointed in how you have handled these discussions.

@dworkinlover69 maybe you can explain this better please? I really respect this blog and it just makes me so sad that Simon for once won’t listen to reason! Because Simon is always so kind and polite and reasonable.

[terfslurring]

[mspollutedstar-deactivated20190]

TRAs are really out here demanding sources for every word a radfem utters and then turning right around and saying “Marsha P. Johnson was a woman and ‘she’ started Stonewall” while everyone else blindly nods along.

[valendiazkiernan]

Janice Raymond

“No man can have the history of being born and located in this culture as a woman. He can have the history of wishing to be a woman and of acting like a woman, but this gender experience is that of a transsexual, not of a woman. Surgery may confer the artifacts of outward and inward female organs but it cannot confer the history of being born a woman in this society.”