Scaredycat

23 / She/they / Aspiring writer / currently fixated on Descendants, Road 96 and Straykids/ profile pic and header made by me :3

[moonamood]

Growing up with the VK

[weepingwillow-writes]

HOOKED MY HEART | CHESHIRE TEARS

Synopsis: As you continue your way into Wonderland, you discover that the mad man was mad but not a liar and that some heroic tampering had caused some unpredictable consequences

pairing: Hazel Hook x Daughter of the Cheshire Cat!reader

genre: Angst, hurt/comfort

reader gender: female

warning: Chessy taunting, brief discussion of death and injury, finding out you weren't meant to exist, implied bad family dynamics (may also be outright bad family dynamics but I can't tell), other cliff hanger (I'm sorry)

Author's note: dude there's gonna be a part three for this it's a series now

I plan on writing a few requests before I wrap this one up so lets hope that it doesn't bite me in the ass and make me lose motivation

thank you to the people who have sent in Hazel requests (and the one person who sent in a pink one; your a real one) you guys are cooking with these ideas

part 1 | masterlist

You ended up crashing at the white rabbit's house for the night. According to Pink, it was fine because he was on vacation.

You had bigger concerns at the moment so you didn't ask questions.

The walk from the chess table had been long and very tense. Everyone decided it was better to stay together. None of the VKs knew your way around Wonderland and the HKs could use yours and Max's insight on Maddox and Chessy.

Didn't mean anyone liked it.

By the time you go to the house, you spilt off to your own areas.

Hazel had gone dead silent since the chess board. Max was also pretty quiet, and he still had Hazel's hook. Squeaky was pretty much himself.

"I'm going to get us some food." You announced after you all sat, staring at each other.

Heading down the stairs, you saw Luis and Pink making rather awkward small talk, dipped around Chloe sat on the stair case, apologising as you went past. Red was nowhere to be seen.

"You like… colours?" Pink asked him.

"Colours? Uh, yeah, I like them. I'm pretty fond of purple and green." He paused. "…and Pink."

A toothy grin appeared on her face when he said that.

You walked into the kitchen, finding Red looking through cabinets.

"Oh, sorry." You said. "I'll just—"

"Please don't." She said. "I can only find carrots."

You pivoted on your feet. "Okay."

You started looking throughout the kitchen. Turns out the white rabbit didn't own a fridge. or much else kitchen wise besides tea supplies, carrots and a pink lemonade tree.

Carrots would work but they weren't the most filling things in the world.

"I mean, I guess we could just eat carrots and tea and not die." You tried to joke.

"I'm sorry for using you as bait." Red said suddenly.

You paused, shutting the cupboard you were looking in and standing up to face her. "…Thanks for the apology?"

"I didn't mean to cause such a strife."

"Well, you did kinda throw me in front of an evil plant without warning."

"I thought it was the right call." Red sighed, not looking directly at you.

"In the end, it wasn't." You shrugged. "You also did it at the wrong time."

Red looked at you confused. "We went from pink accusing us of being Villain to the chess board. You still would've gotten an explosive reaction regards, but the way we get treated is getting on everyone's nerves." You explained.

Red sighed, thinking. "I know what it feels like."

"Do you really?" You asked. "You're an HK, not to mention one that grew up in a castle, with servants and what looks like a doting mother. That's a massive level of privilege that a lot of VKs dream of."

"It wasn't like that."

"Maybe not, but do you know what it was like on the isle?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you know how often people dying was on there?"

That managed to catch her off guard. "What?"

"We didn't exactly have doctors. A broken bone often led to life long struggles, A cold could mean death. Not to mention we were basically eating trash."

"I… never realised."

"Most people don't. In Auradon, empathy tends to only be given to people who are morally correct, at least in your eyes."

Red fell silent again. "That was really insightful."

"Wait until you hear my metaphor about barriers." You tried to lighten the mood a little, turning back to the cupboards. You grabbed on of the carrots and took a bite. You were pretty hungry at this point.

"Uh, Red." Your voice muffled by your mouthful, before you swallowed. "Did you realise this was cake?"

"You got to be kidding me." She deadpanned. "I was hungry this whole time for nothing?"

You laughed as you plated up the carrot cake. "I mean, you could've eaten it."

She playfully rolled her eyes.

You grabbed a few other things so that everyone had some food and went to head back to them, but Red stopped you. "We're good, right?"

"Uh, yeah, you could say that." You continued your way back.

When you reached the top of the stairs, you found Hazel waiting for you and Squeaky touching everything on a trinket table.

"Dinner has arrived." You chuckled, looking around. "Where's Max?"

"He went to play hero and get the Oraculum." Hazel sighed, taking the plate you held out for her.

"Why on earth would he think that was a good idea?" Your eyes went wide.

"If he led everyone into a trap, they'd think it was on purpose."

"So he walked into the possible trap completely alone?" You deeply sighed, rubbing a hand over your face.

You got so overwhelmed that you had gone full circle to completely calm. "It's fine. It's not like Maddox would try and kill him, right?"

Hazel stayed quiet, her lips in a thin line as she just looked at you.

"Don't do that. You being quiet makes it worse."

"I don't think Maddox's the problem." She admitted, before taking a bite of the cake. Her face lit up at the realisation it was cake.

You would've laughed at that. "You don't think…" You trailed off, your mind going to your sister.

"Look, I'm sure it's fine. Max's done this thing before."

You did not believe her words, but smiled at her anyways, moving closer.

"How are you feeling, though?" She asked, wrapping an arm around you. "About everything."

"Exhausted. It's just been one thing after another. No break, no breather, just everything thrown at your face. I never thought I'd say it, but I can't wait to be back in Auradon."

"At least we're not far now. Once Max returns, we'll go to the castle, make our deal and then we can go back to regular life. I remember being promised a date once we went back to school."

You laughed, making Hazel grin. "Thank you. For being here."

"I don't plan on stopping any time soon."

***

Waiting until Hazel was asleep, you tried to creep out of bed.

Keyword being tried.

Hazel woke up. "Where are you going?" She muttered tiredly.

"Bathroom." You whispered. "I'll be back in a minute."

Hazel let go of her grip on you.

You quietly went down the stairs, walking past a sleeping Pink (who knows where Red, Luis and Chloe went) and went out the door.

Once that door was shut, you started running towards the general direction of the tower. You were taking a leap of faith with the actual location. You only visited twice and barely knew your way around Wonderland yet.

You found Max before you ever found the tower.

"Max!" You ran up to him. "Thank goodness you're okay."

"My dad was right."

"What?"

"The pocket watch is real. Time travel is real." He said breathlessly.

A gasp escaped you. All this time, Maddox wasn't crazy. Obsessive, sure, but not insane.

The entire reason he was on the isle, the entire reason that Max's life had been put at such a disadvantage, was based in a reality that no one believed him about.

"How do you know this?"

"I saw it. In the Oraculum. I saw my previous life. I was happy. My dad wasn't insane. He was proud of me." He told you, his face turning angry. "Red and Chloe caused this. They changed the timeline. Red took my life."

Your mind was reeling. This was insane to process normally, and here you were trying to do it on like no sleep and after everything else Wonderland had thrown at you. "Red had your current life before?"

"Her mum was the evil one."

"Oh my god."

"I need your help."

You studied him. You didn't like the familiar look in his eye. "…with what?"

"I'm taking the pocket watch back. I'm getting my life back."

Your eyes widened. "Woah, that's a big thing to attempt here. Are you even sure if it can be reverted?"

"They can't just get away with this!"

"They shouldn't but who's to say reverting it won't make it worse?! You could mess with so many other people's lives, Max. You could mess with your friend's lives. We don't know what we're playing with here!"

"If you don't want to help, I'll find someone who will." He walked off.

"Max! Max!" You called out.

"Ruining a friendship over morals? Look at you, setting boundaries." Chessy appeared.

"What did you do?!" You demanded, whipping around at her.

"I just helped him see the truth." She walked around you. "You know, you could use with the same enlightenment—"

You charged at her, making her disappear momentarily, only for her grading voice to speak again. "You know that never works."

"Leave me alone!" You started to walk away.

"Come on, don't you wanna experience life that way it was meant to be? No Isle, No restrictions, No you—"

You stopped, her words ringing in your ears. "Oh, I said too much, didn't I?" She teased.

"You're lying." Your voice was so small that it made anything you said unbelievable.

"You should know better than anyone that I taunt, annoy, and tease but I never lie."

Your chest tightened. Your vision blurred.

You weren't meant to exist.

You shouldn't exist.

You only exist because two teenage girls played with a pocket watch.

All of that was true. And now one of your best friends was trying to revert back to a timeline where you didn't exist at all.

"Cool cool cool cool cool—" You just repeated as your chest began to heave.

Through your teary vision, you saw Chessy smile at you, and disappear again.

You let yourself drop to the ground, you breaths coming into short gasps as you tried to gather yourself.

You were real.

You weren't going to just not exist. Unless Max actually reverted the timeline.

Were any of your memories actually real? This timeline was only created however long ago Red and Chloe returned.

Does Max actually know about this? Was he aware and decided that you weren't worth enough to keep the timeline?

Who else didn't exist before?

A sob escaped your lips.

Why did your sister hate you so much?

****

Chessy appeared next to a half asleep Hazel. "Where's your girlfriend, hook? She didn't run away from you, right?"

Hazel shot up, fear running down her spine. How long has it been? She looked around, yelping when she saw Chessy's face three inches from hers as she turned her head.

"Piss off, Chessy." She barked, going to grab her hook but feeling an empty slot in her belt.

"A pirate without their hook?" Chessy laughed. "That's like a cat without their meow."

"What do you want?"

"Can't I just talk to my sister's girlfriend?"

"No, you can't."

"Such a shame. I thought you'd want to know where she is." She walked down the top of the loveseat that Hazel sat on.

"Stop taunting and spit it out then."

"If you want information then you're going to have to be nicer."

"I'm so sorry for being rude, my liege. Please, oh please tell me where my loving girlfriend is." Hazel said through a tense smile.

Chessy rolled her eyes. "You Hooks are so dramatic. Your brother always did this too."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean brother?"

Chessy laughed. "Don't you know? Maddox was right all along, and you, dear Hazel, used to have a brother."

"Go bother someone else with your bullshit." She turned away, going to slip on her boot to go and find you.

"You really don't want to know what your old life was like? Your real one?"

"No. Either tell me where [name] is or get lost."

Chessy rolled her eyes. "For being so insistent I'll tell you this; she's at Maddox's tower, having an existential breakdown." And with that, she smiled and disappear.

Hazel went silent, freezing for a moment. Before putting her boots on ever faster and rushing down the stairs.

Her heart beated in her ears. All she could think was that she needed to get to you.

No one else mattered to her right now. Nothing else mattered.

She went out the door, staring at the sickenly bright Wonderland, the realisation that she didn't know what direction to head in dawning on her.

She went back inside, her eyes laying on Pink's sleeping figure.

She felt bad, but Pink would want to help, right?

She went over, lightly shaking her should. "Hey. Wake up."

Pink jolted within the first few. "Huh? I'm up." She shot up, blinking bleary. "Why is it still dark?"

"Sorry for waking you, but I kinda need your help. Only if you want too."

A smile crept its way into her lips. "What do you need help with?"

****

"Is everything okay between you two?" Pink asked as they walked to the tower.

It had been quiet for the walk so far. Hazel and Pink weren't exactly friends, what were they going to talk about? The weather?

"Yeah. We're going along fine." Hazel answered, looking over to her. "Why?"

"Normally, people go off into the woods when they're anger with someone, don't they?"

"I guess normal people do." Hazel shrugged.

"Are you guys not normal people?"

Hazel shook her head. "Anything but, and I'm proud to be."

Pink nodded, looking almost solemn. "People don't seem to like abnormal things." She paused, glancing at Hazel. "Like Villains."

Hazel fell silent for a moment. "No, they don't."

Further up the path was you, almost jogging towards the white rabbit's house, ready to deliver the news of Max's change in mindset.

Your eyes were puffy and red from your tears as you willed yourself not to burst into another fit of them.

Trying not to panic about the truth of your existence wasn't an easy task but you had a feeling you had harder things to face soon. Right now wasn't about you, it was about helping Max out of his blinded rage.

Everything else would have to wait.

Having your name being called brought you out of your thoughts in time to see Hazel run towards you. You didn't have enough to prepare for the hug you were tackled into, but havign Hazel hold you made your eyes start to burn.

"Hey, hey." Her calming voice whispered "What's wrong?"

Your face was buried into her shoulder, probably staining her undershirt with purple marcara streaks. "I fucked up." You whimpered.

"How?"

"Max saw something… in the Oraculum." You sniffled, wiping some rogue tears. "He… He saw the effects of time travel and now he's going to try and reverse it. He asked for my help and I think I made it worse."

Hazel tensed against you. "Max learnt about time travel?"

You nodded before heistancely speaking. "I don't think I existed in the old timeline." You admitted quietly.

Hazel squeezed you tighter at that. You saw Pink approach from her spot in the distance. "We can't let you not exist, can we?" She put a hand on your shoulder.

You stared at her for a moment. This was the same girl who accused you of being evil 24 hours ago.

"Are you sure?" You spluttered out.

Her eybrows furrowed slightly. "Of course. No one should just stop existing."

You paused for a moment, before pulling away from Hazel, gesturing for Pink to take the lead.

Time to stop a new mad man, I guess.

[weepingwillow-writes]

I love seeing people post about their descendants ocs

like yes tell me more I am sat

[mim16s]

Hazel Hook x reader

This story was written for a request I received. Unfortunately, I ended up losing the request, and since the ask was anonymous, I can't tag the person who sent it. I hope the person who requested it finds this story and enjoys the final result. 🤍

You and Hazel had been dating for quite some time. The two of you met at school, and despite everything your mother had taught you about never trusting pirates, you somehow ended up falling in love with one.

Despite your contrasting personalities, your relationship had always worked. People often said that just a few minutes by your side was enough to make them feel calmer. Whenever someone needed to relax or simply be heard, you were the perfect person to turn to. Hazel, on the other hand, was your complete opposite—hot-headed, impulsive, and reckless. Even so, she was incredibly gentle and protective whenever it came to you.

Maybe that old rivalry between pirates and fairies could finally come to an end.

Now you and your friends were trying to help Red's mother break free somehow. From what Hazel had told you, they had all teamed up because Max had completely misunderstood one of your pieces of advice.

You let out a quiet sigh.

"I think... he was just trying to help."

Hazel merely scoffed.

You smiled softly. You liked believing that people rarely did things with bad intentions. That was how you saw the world, and maybe it was that kind heart of yours that had made you believe in Hazel when no one else did. From the very beginning, you had always felt there was someone completely different hidden beneath her tough exterior, and with every passing day, you became more certain of it.

"Well, if I'm being forced into this, at least I get to spend more time with you," Hazel teased with a playful grin.

Your cheeks immediately turned pink.

"Hazel..."

She simply laughed at your reaction before jumping toward the passage leading to Wonderland.

The moment you stepped through the portal, your eyes lit up.

It was even more beautiful than you had imagined.

The colorful flowers seemed to dance with the breeze, and everything around you felt alive. A delighted smile spread across your face.

"Aunt Rosetta would absolutely fall in love with this place..."

As you admired the scenery, a mushroom with tiny legs spun around you. Without thinking twice, you happily twirled alongside it for a few seconds, letting out a soft laugh before stopping, slightly dizzy.

Hazel watched the whole thing with a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Smiling like that, people might think you're not actually evil," Felix teased.

"Oh, shut up, Felix," Hazel shot back, immediately returning to her usual scowl.

You let out a small giggle.

"He was only joking..."

"Still annoying."

You simply shrugged, still smiling.

Despite all the dangers, your time in Wonderland had been surprisingly pleasant. You had gotten to know Hazel's friends better, while she had also been getting to know yours.

At least... up to a certain point.

"You tricked us!" Luis accused.

"I was trying to help!" Max defended himself.

"You like to box? 'Cause I got a killer right hook," Hazel immediately jumped into the argument.

"Even you can't think it's a coincidence he led us to that madhouse."

Realizing things were getting out of hand, you gently took Hazel's hand before she could raise her hook.

"Guys... please don't fight."

Hazel looked at you for a few seconds.

That calm look alone was enough for her to take a deep breath, lower her arm, and step back.

"Fine... for you."

"Guys, before someone gets a nose ring they didn't consent to, look." Red pointed toward a tree where a robotic bird was watching the group.

"Looks like it's one of my dad's. And they'll have a direct line to him. We gotta destroy it," Max said.

"Or we can try to use it," Chloe suggested.

"No, he's right. It's too risky to mess with," Red replied.

Before anyone could make a decision, Luis ripped the entire tree out of the ground.

You frowned ever so slightly.

"Poor tree..."

It genuinely made you sad.

Hazel simply sighed.

"Twins, get up already!"

You couldn't help laughing at their antics before delicately raising your hands. Small streams of water began swirling around you, and with a graceful motion, they shot straight toward the robotic bird, smashing it to pieces.

Hazel smiled proudly.

"That's my girl."

You smiled shyly, looking away.

"I just... helped a little."

(...)

Night eventually fell, and for a few brief moments, everything finally seemed peaceful.

You were quietly watching tiny fireflies glowing between the trees, wondering if they possessed some kind of magic too, when you heard yet another argument break out.

Hazel and Luis.

Again.

You let out a soft sigh.

Everything was fine... until you heard Max say that Hazel had ripped Tinker Bell's wings off.

Your heart seemed to stop.

You froze completely.

Almost instinctively, your gaze drifted to your own wings.

You had known Tinker Bell since you were little. She was one of your mother's closest friends and had always been incredibly kind to you.

So...

It was true?

A painful ache settled in your chest.

Maybe Hazel really wasn't that different from the other pirates.

Maybe she had simply hidden that side of herself from you.

What if one day you made her angry too?

What if...

She ripped your wings off?

The thought alone brought tears to your eyes.

Without saying a word, you quietly walked away from the group.

You needed time to clear your head.

(...)

After finally winning the argument with Luis, Hazel glanced around.

You were gone.

She looked around again, confused.

"Where's Y/N?"

The others exchanged uneasy looks.

No one knew.

Hazel's heart immediately began racing.

For one terrifying moment, she thought something had happened to you.

Without another thought, she hurried off to look for you.

A few minutes later, she found you sitting on a large rock beside a small stream. You were absentmindedly watching the water flow between the stones while lazily moving your hand, guiding tiny droplets along the current with your magic.

You looked...

So distant.

Hazel slowly approached.

"Sweetheart... what happened? Why aren't you with everyone else?"

It took you several seconds to answer.

"Were you ever going to tell me... that you ripped Tinker Bell's wings off?"

Hazel let out a quiet sigh.

She had always known this conversation would happen someday.

"It's not something I'm proud of... so I never thought it was important to tell you. Max shouldn't have blurted it out like that either."

You finally looked up at her.

Your eyes were already glossy with tears.

"You're not proud of it... but does that really change anything?"

Your voice began to tremble.

"You still did it."

Tears slowly rolled down your cheeks.

"You know Tinker Bell is one of my mom's closest friends... I'm Silvermist's daughter, Hazel."

You wrapped your arms around yourself.

"I'm a fairy too..."

Hazel felt a painful knot tighten in her throat.

She had never seen you look so frightened.

"If I ever make you angry..." Your voice was barely above a whisper. "Are you going to rip my wings off too?"

Hazel froze.

Those words hurt more than any blow she had ever taken.

She stepped closer.

"Never."

The answer came instantly.

"I know regretting it doesn't erase the past. I know what I did was horrible... but I would never do something like that again."

She slowly reached her hands toward yours, just like she always did.

Instinctively...

You took a step back.

Hazel felt her heart sink.

"Especially not to you."

You lowered your head.

"I... I don't know if I can still trust you."

Hazel opened her mouth.

"Sweetheart, I—"

"Please..."

You gently interrupted her.

There was no anger in your voice.

Only sadness.

"Just... leave me alone for a little while. I need to think."

Hazel remained silent for several long seconds.

She wanted to insist.

She wanted to hold you.

She wanted to tell you how deeply sorry she was—that she would never hurt another fairy again, that she would rather hurt herself than let anything happen to you.

But she knew you needed space.

She simply nodded.

"Okay."

Before turning away, she looked at you one last time.

"Just... believe me when I say I'd never hurt you."

Her voice cracked.

"Not you... and not any other fairy ever again."

You watched Hazel walk away.

Your chest ached.

Because despite your fear...

A part of you still wanted to run after her, wrap your arms around her, and tell her everything would be okay.

But for the first time...

Your heart was simply too confused to know what to do.

(...)

The night passed, and when you woke up the next morning, you were completely disoriented.

As you looked around, you realized everyone was standing on a gigantic chessboard.

After taking a moment to understand the situation, you learned there was only one way out.

They had to defeat the King.

The game proved far more difficult than anyone had expected. Every move seemed to bring your group one step closer to defeat.

You did your best to stay calm.

Then, without warning, a massive plant—one that looked unmistakably carnivorous—burst up in front of you.

Everything happened in an instant.

"Y/N!" someone shouted.

Before you could even process what was happening, Red shoved you toward the creature.

Your eyes widened.

For a split second, you couldn't move.

Your heart clenched painfully.

You had truly believed Red was your friend.

As the plant lunged toward you, the only thing running through your mind was that maybe...

Maybe you had been wrong.

Maybe trusting her had been a mistake.

Before you could react, someone darted in front of you.

Hazel.

Without a second thought, she threw herself between you and the monster, completely blocking its path. With a single powerful strike, she destroyed the creature before it could even come close to touching you.

She remained standing protectively in front of you for a few seconds longer, making absolutely sure you were safe.

Your heart pounded.

Maybe...

Maybe you hadn't been wrong about love after all.

The moment the battle ended, Hazel stormed straight toward Red.

Her hook stopped only a few inches from the girl's face.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Red? You used Y/N as bait! Have you lost your mind?"

Red simply shrugged.

"She's fine. It's not a big deal."

Hazel let out a disbelieving laugh.

"Not a big deal?"

She took another threatening step forward.

"Something terrible could've happened! You could've gotten her killed!"

You watched everything in silence.

Your chest still hurt more because of Red's actions than from the scare itself.

Taking a deep breath, you finally found the courage to speak.

"I trusted you, Red..."

Everyone turned to look at you.

"I thought we were friends."

Your voice was soft...

But filled with disappointment.

"I always believed friends looked out for each other... even when everything was falling apart."

You lowered your gaze for a brief moment.

"But... to you, it seems like friendship stops mattering the moment things get difficult."

Red remained silent.

But she looked thoughtful.

You took another steady breath before continuing.

"If you really can't value the people standing beside you..."

You looked at her sadly.

"...maybe you should be alone."

Unable to continue the conversation, you quietly turned away.

You needed some silence.

(...)

Hazel shot Red one final glare.

"If I ever see you put my girlfriend's life—or any of my friends' lives—in danger again..."

Her voice was firm.

"I swear I won't show you any mercy."

Without waiting for an answer, she hurried after you.

...

She found you leaning against a tree, hugging yourself while quietly watching a few leaves drift through the breeze.

Even after everything that had happened...

You still seemed more concerned with understanding your own feelings than with being angry.

Hazel slowly approached.

"Sweetheart..."

You lifted your head when you heard her voice.

"Are you okay?"

"I am..."

You offered her a small smile.

"I just need a little time to sort through my thoughts."

Hazel nodded.

"I was so scared..."

She took a shaky breath before continuing.

"When I saw that plant coming after you... the only thing I could think about was getting to you."

You took a small step toward her.

"Thank you..."

Your voice came out as little more than a whisper.

"For saving me."

Hazel smiled softly.

"I'll always protect you."

She answered without hesitation.

"No matter who I have to protect you from."

You remained silent for several seconds.

Then you smiled at her with unmistakable tenderness.

"I realized that today."

Hazel blinked in surprise.

"When you stepped in front of me..."

You looked into her eyes.

"I understood that the Hazel who hurt Tinker Bell isn't the same person standing in front of me now."

She stood completely still.

"I still feel sad whenever I think about what happened to her..."

You admitted quietly.

"Because she's important to me... and because I could never imagine you doing something like that to a fairy."

Hazel lowered her head.

"So do I."

Her voice was heavy with guilt.

"I regret it every single day."

You took a deep breath.

Like you always did...

You chose to listen to your heart.

And your heart told you Hazel was telling the truth.

With a gentle smile, you reached your hands toward her.

Hazel carefully took them in her own.

As though she were afraid you might disappear.

"I believe you, Hazel."

Her eyes immediately filled with tears.

Unable to stop herself, she pulled you into a tight embrace.

She closed her eyes.

Holding you again made every ounce of pain from the past few days melt away.

You gently rubbed circles on her back.

"I'm sorry for doubting you..."

Hazel leaned back just enough to look into your eyes.

"Don't apologize."

She smiled warmly.

"You had every reason to be afraid."

She cupped your cheek with one hand.

"But I promise I'll spend every day of my life proving that you'll never have to feel that way again."

You smiled.

It was exactly that sincerity you had always seen in her.

"I missed you..."

Hazel let out a quiet laugh.

"I missed everything."

She gently caressed your cheek.

"Your laugh..."

"The way you hum without realizing it whenever you're walking..."

"The way you'll stop in the middle of a mission just to admire a flower..."

You laughed, your cheeks turning pink.

"It was pretty..."

"I know," Hazel replied with a smile. "And that's exactly why I love you."

Your face immediately turned bright red.

You cupped her face with both hands.

Hazel didn't hesitate to close the distance between you.

The kiss was slow, gentle, and full of affection and longing.

When you finally pulled apart, you stayed there, smiling at each other with your foreheads resting together.

"Hey! You two!" one of your friends called from the distance.

The two of you laughed.

This time, you returned to the group hand in hand.

Closer than ever before.

[mim16s]

hi soo i’m slightly obsessed with hazel and would love a fic where she’s dating a girl (vk or hk) on the more naive side and red keeps trying to use her as bait etc. and hazel gets all protective and stuff lol

hope this all made since

Hazel Hook x reader

As Mother Gothel's daughter, people usually assumed you were just like her: manipulative, selfish, and narcissistic. But you couldn't have been more different.

Your mother had raised you as her scapegoat. She wasn't cruel only to Rapunzel, she treated you the same way. Even so, you loved her. Some people called you foolish for it, but what else could you do when you'd never truly been loved? You clung to every tiny scrap of affection anyone was willing to give you.

That all changed when you met Hazel.

The fearless pirate everyone was afraid of. As Captain Hook's daughter, she carried her family's reputation wherever she went. She might have been trouble for everyone else, but never for you.

To you, Hazel was simply the best person in the world.

She was your safe haven.

"What are you doing, kitty?"

Hazel appeared behind you, making you jump in surprise. This time, she wasn't with the twins or the rest of the boys.

"I'm reading. It's an old fairy tale... a beautiful one. It's about a couple who overcome society's judgment."

"Of course the hopeless romantic would be reading a love story."

She smirked as she sat beside you. Without a second thought, she rested her head in your lap.

"Read it to me."

That gentle voice was reserved only for you.

You smiled and began reading aloud, gently running your fingers through the pirate's dark hair as she closed her eyes, completely at ease.

(...)

Now you and Hazel were looking for the others after Max had completely misunderstood some advice Hazel had given him.

"I can't believe I'm going to have to play the hero. This is going to ruin the reputation I spent years building."

"It's for a good cause. We're helping our friend... and maybe saving someone who's in danger."

Your calm voice made every bit of the pirate's tough façade crumble.

"I just hope this doesn't become a habit. People are supposed to be afraid of me."

"Even me?"

Hazel turned to you immediately.

"No... never you."

She gently brushed your cheek with her thumb.

You slowly melted under her touch.

For a moment, you completely forgot that the others could show up at any second. Especially when Hazel leaned in even closer.

Your eyes fluttered shut, waiting for the kiss you loved so much...

"Seriously? You're really going to do that here?"

Felix's voice made your eyes fly open.

Hazel let out a long, irritated sigh.

"You guys have the worst timing."

You laughed softly as the twins approached. Soon Max arrived with the HKs, and the group continued on their way.

(...)

Wonderland's forest felt strangely quiet.

Too colorful.

Too beautiful.

And that was never a good sign in a place like this.

The silence was broken by a deep growl.

A massive creature emerged from the bushes. It looked like a cat... or maybe a dog... but it was far too large to be either. Its claws tore through the ground as it advanced, and its glowing yellow eyes locked onto the group.

Pink went pale.

"A Bandersnatch..."

She took a step back.

"Run!"

Chaos erupted.

Hazel grabbed your hand without hesitation.

"Come on!"

The two of you ran through twisted trees and towering bushes, just like everything else in Wonderland. Branches clawed at your clothes while the creature's roars grew closer with every passing second.

A few minutes later, you found Red.

"What is that thing?" she asked between breaths.

"A Bandersnatch," Pink answered. "They're incredibly fierce... and unbelievably fast."

"Great..." Red muttered, taking a deep breath. "Then we need to make it look somewhere else."

"How?" you asked.

She quickly scanned the area.

"We split up. When it comes through, we'll surround it from different sides."

No one had time to argue.

Everyone rushed into position.

Hazel hid behind a cluster of trees, watching carefully.

You stayed beside Red, concealed behind the trunk of an enormous tree.

The pounding of heavy paws echoed closer...

Then the Bandersnatch appeared.

The moment Red saw the creature's true size, she realized the plan probably wouldn't work.

She panicked.

Without thinking, she grabbed your shoulders and shoved you out from behind the tree.

"Run!"

You stumbled forward.

The Bandersnatch immediately changed direction.

Its glowing eyes locked onto you.

Hazel's eyes widened.

"Y/N!"

You ran as fast as you could.

But the Bandersnatch was much faster.

Its growls sounded closer and closer.

You could already feel its hot breath behind you.

Just as its jaws were about to snap shut—

Someone slammed into you.

Hazel.

She threw herself at you, knocking you out of the creature's path.

The two of you rolled across the ground.

Hazel took almost the entire impact of the fall, yet didn't even seem to notice.

"Get up!"

She grabbed your hand and started running again, always keeping you behind her, as though she wanted to shield you from the entire world.

"Damn it... I can't believe I trusted her..."

(...)

When you finally reached safety, Hazel turned you to face her.

Her hands moved frantically over your arms, shoulders, and face, searching for any sign of injury.

Under her breath, she muttered curses aimed at Red.

"Hey... I'm okay."

You took her hands in yours.

"I'm not hurt."

"But you could have been!"

Hazel's voice cracked.

"If I'd been one second later..."

She took a shaky breath, trying to calm herself.

"I could've lost you."

You cupped her face.

"I'm okay..."

Hazel finally looked up.

"Don't worry, okay?"

You smiled with that sweet expression that somehow only made Hazel worry even more.

"Red was just trying to protect everyone."

Hazel closed her eyes for a moment.

"Hazel..."

She didn't answer.

You gently tugged on the sleeve of her jacket.

"Please... don't fight with her."

Hazel looked at you.

"She pushed you in front of that thing."

You lowered your gaze.

"I think... she was just scared."

Hazel sighed.

It was impossible to stay angry around someone who insisted on believing the best in people.

(...)

When the group finally reunited, Hazel found Red standing there as though nothing had happened.

That was the last straw.

She crossed the distance between them and shoved Red hard.

Red hit the ground.

"Hey! What's going on?" Luis asked as he hurried over.

Hazel didn't even look at him.

Her eyes remained fixed on Red.

"Do you even realize what you did?"

Red quickly got back to her feet.

"I needed a distraction."

"That wasn't a distraction."

Hazel stepped closer.

"That was her."

Red crossed her arms.

"She's alive, isn't she?"

The world seemed to stop.

Hazel pulled out her hook and aimed its sharp point at Red's throat.

"Not thanks to you."

Before things could spiral completely out of control, the boys stepped in and pulled them apart.

"You keep putting people in danger. First Chloe... now Y/N."

Red's expression hardened.

"I did what I had to do."

"No."

Hazel's voice was quiet, but unwavering.

"You panicked and chose the one person who would never question you."

Silence fell over the group.

Hazel took a slow breath before continuing.

"If you're going to put someone's life on the line... put your own there."

Without waiting for a response, she turned away, leaving Red to absorb the weight of her words and reflect on what she'd done.

She walked straight over to you.

You were sitting off to the side beside Pink and Chloe, seemingly unaware of the argument.

Without saying a word, Hazel knelt in front of you, gently took your hand, and only then allowed her racing heart to slow.

Because you were there.

Alive.

And to her, that was all that mattered.

[scaredycatwrites]

Art is Subjective

Pairing: Hazel Hook x Rapunzel&Eugene's daughter!Reader

Synopsis: Hazel Hook is struggling in art class and is offered help by someone she would least expect it from.

Genre: fluff

Warnings: Frustrated attitude, slight swearing

Word count: 2.3k

It had been a long day so far, lots of text books and boring classes about things you couldn't quite get yourself to focus on but, there was only one class left and it was art so there was still a glimmer of hope. Art class was definitely your favourite by far, you didn't like to brag but you'd been a fairly good artist since you were young. I mean, your mother was Rapunzel, she taught you everything there was to know about art. After all she’d spent her entire life painting the walls of a tower and since she left art was one of the many fun hobbies she still found herself participating in.

You made your way through the halls with a bit more pep in your step now that you were actually about to participate in something you enjoyed wholeheartedly. However, things took an interesting turn as you must've spaced out while glancing around during your walk. As it only took a matter of steps before you walked right into someone, dropping some art supplies you had grabbed from your locker on the floor and sending whoever it was into a group of people.

“Sorry!” You chimed out before you immediately crouched down to start picking up your things. But it wasn't long before a shadow was cast over the floor in front of you with an unmistakable hook shape taking the brunt of your attention. With a hesitant glance up you knew you were done for.

Hazel Hook stood, arms crossed, an incredibly unimpressed look painted across her face. “Are you blind!?” She exclaimed, making you jump slightly.

“No I- I'm sorry I was just spaced out I didn't mean to bump into you-” you sputtered out an apology as you quickly put your supplies in your cross body bag standing up as fast as you could to look her in the eye- well almost- she was a few inches taller than you so you had to look up a little.

“Watch where you're going next time Princess.” Hazel looked down with a scowl at you as she spoke. She said the world princess as if it was a slur which sent an unexpected shiver down your spine.

After you'd spent a moment collecting yourself you made your way into the class. It was a new school year but you hoped to be sat with someone you were acquainted with, maybe Chloe Charming, you and her had met at orientation. Or perhaps Luis Madrigal, you didn't know him too well but he was a friend of Red and Chloe's. Honestly anyone you had even a vague connection with would be great. Despite being a princess you weren't great at the whole making friends thing, you usually spent most of your time in the horse stables with Maximus or pursuing one of your creative hobbies.

Besides some (not all) of the HKs despite knowing you were a princess, still reminded you that your dad, though royalty through marriage to your mother, had in fact been a thief before and they seemed to think he taught you his ‘tricks of the trade’ as they had worded it. You didn't really let that stuff get to you too much though, you knew who you were and that was enough.

Glancing around the classroom, you noticed the desks were those two person desks pushed together in a square shape with one person in the top corner and the other across from them in the bottom corner, so now you really were hoping to find someone you knew so you weren't stuck facing someone who you weren't so well acquainted with.

Your eyes scanned the room as you wandered around looking for a free seat, you made your way towards Chloe who looked as if she was alone but noticed moments later that Red’s jacket was on the chair across from hers. Ok, ok, you could live with that. You then turned moving through the room looking for a space, your eyes landing on the only free seat left in the class, which was across from none other than Hazel Hook. Great. If she was frustrated with you before, you were about to make it a whole lot worse by sitting at her table. You meekly make your way over placing your bag down on the floor next to the free seat.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” It came out sounding so much more awkward than you had intended but what could you do?

“Ugh- you? Why do you wanna sit here?” Hazel spoke her tone dripping with disdain.

“Look. This is the only free seat in the class and I'm not about to squeeze myself onto someone else's full table just to avoid you.” You didn't know where the confidence had come from but the look she gave you sure made it disappear just as fast.

“Whatever princess. Just don't get your glitter on my stuff.” She retorted before turning her attention to jamming a wedge of gum under the desk which made you pull a small face however you were just glad you didn't get your head ripped off.

As the class progressed everyone had been given a task to create something that they felt embodied who they were as a person. Easier said than done for some. You'd been stumped at first, everyone would expect you to make something whimsically bright and cheery however you felt that wouldn't really reflect every aspect about you, sure you were positive and optimistic but you were human and had doubts and anxieties that ran deep. So you decided to work on a painting, your strong point when it came to art.

However it seemed Hazel had been underestimating the difficulty of this class, she'd started by rocking on her chair and attempting to hit a few of the HKs in the back of the head with balls of rolled up paper and any other bits of trash she could find. She even seemed to be half asleep at one point so you were a little shocked to actually see her trying to participate in the project.

Although it didn't seem to last long when you were jolted out of your focus on your painting by a loud. “FUCK.” followed by what could only be described as a guttural growl of frustration and a tearing sound. You couldn't help but peek around your canvas to see Hazel stood with a now gashed canvas in front of her, she was holding her hook and breathing heavily out of her nose in an irritated manner. That was the moment she decided to look at you and huff out a frustrated.

“What the hell are you looking at, princess!?” You had to admit you were a little startled, noticing the other kids, well those who weren't used to Hazel’s attitude, staring, which only seemed to agitate her more. “Oh yeah I'm sure you're all enjoying the show aren't you!” Hazel exclaimed, causing the other students to get back to working on their own projects only peeking up occasionally to survey the scene. You decided to let her cool off a little, focusing on your own piece for a few minutes but as she sat across from you grumbling to herself about how stupid this class was you couldn't help yourself.

You took a breath, she was just a girl, someone struggling with something, something you knew how to do, it was only right you offered your assistance. Clearing your throat as you peeked back around your own canvas, you offered a small smile.

“You know, my mother taught me how to paint when I was little.. it's not as hard as you might think.” This seemed to reignite the irritated look on Hazel's face.

“Good for you princess. Not everyone had that luxury.” She snapped back.

“No no- sorry that came out wrong, what I meant is, I can help you if you want, maybe teach you some stuff?” You offered only to be met with a huff.

“Why would I want help, especially from someone like you.” Ouch. That was a little painful. You tried not to let it sting.

“Well.. I just thought maybe if you had some help you might be able to work on the project instead of getting upset-” you were cut off by her hook hitting the table as she stood up leaning across.

“I didn't get upset. I don't get upset.” her response caused your eyes to widen slightly, like a deer in headlights.

“N-no of course not I worded that bad, frustrated, I meant frustrated.. I know it can be hard to take up a new skill especially when you haven't had the opportunities that some of the kids around here had.” You attempted to change the course of the conversation with an empathetic approach however she just huffed sitting herself back down on the chair crossing her arms over her chest. At least she wasn't trying to jump across the table anymore.

“Well.. I'm here if you change your mind.” You offered with a gentle shrug before going back to your own canvas.

It took around twenty minutes before you heard a much softer tone come from across the table.

“Hey princess, do you know where I can get a new canvas, I can't exactly use this one.”

You glanced across and hummed. “I think there might be others in the storage closet.” Hazel went to check before making her way back a moment later groaning in frustration. After your last experience with comfort you were a little hesitant to talk to her but you thought it was worth a shot anyway.

“Is everything okay?” You queried.

“No Princess. Everything is not Okay.” She huffed before continuing. “There's no spare canvases in the storage cupboard and this one is ruined. What the hell am I gonna do?” You were quiet for a moment before placing your palette and brush down, you made your way across to look at the canvas in thought.

“I’d say you can definitely work with this.” This earned a look of disbelief from the other.

“Really? I can paint on a gashed canvas?” This only fueled the ideas in your mind.

“You can do anything, Art is subjective, it has no singular meaning and you can make it your own, it's one of the most incredible things about it.” Hazel was looking at you like you'd gone nuts.

“Listen here Princess, I don't know what you're looking at but I'm looking at an F in art and although the Smee’s would find it hilarious if I had Fart written out on my report card I sure as hell won't.” You couldn't help but stifle a small laugh at the comment before composing yourself.

“Don't worry, no farts will be on your report card. Not as long as I can help it.”

You really had to stop hanging around your dad so much, this was not very princess-like to giggle over the word fart. Hazel noticed the attempt to stifle laughing and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh come on this isn't funny, this is my grade on the line.” You took a small breath before nodding.

“You're right, but this is perfect for representation of you no? I don't know you well.. or much at all honestly but you are a pirate by birth no? You could do something like a ship deck or even the ocean as the background on the non ripped part.. and in the gash you could add clay tentacles.. like an octopus.. wrapping around the canvas.. pulling everything towards the centre.” You spoke your train of thought before glancing at Hazel. “Sorry you don't have to listen to me though.” However she held a hand up to silence you for a moment, a very faint smile appearing on her face.

“No I like it.. it's kind of perfect..” she complimented before you gave a smile in response making your way back to your half of the table.

As the class eventually came to an end you put the supplies away placing your canvas on the side to dry. You glanced over seeing Hazel moving her half worked on piece to the side smiling to yourself a little. You packed up your bag and began making your way to the door but as you opened the door to leave a voice stopped you.

“Hey wait.. uh.. thanks princess for.. well uh for the help and stuff.. you didn't have to.. but like I guess I owe you or something now..” Hazel shifted slightly as you let out a soft giggle shaking your head.

“You owe me nothing, I was happy to help, besides you actually did a great job with the piece.”

Hazel's cheeks flushed the faintest shade of pink, you would almost miss it if you blinked. “Yeah well whatever, thanks princess.”

“Y/n” you responded without a beat.

“Huh?”

“Y/n.. my name is Y/n Fitzherbert, just in case you wanna stop calling me princess anytime soon.” You teased lightly.

Hazel was a little taken aback however she hardly showed it. “Well.. Y/n, see you around I guess, but maybe don't slam into me in the hall before class next time.” She remarked playfully, giving you a quick wink as she walked right past you and down the hall.

You were slightly surprised by how she responded but you certainly weren't upset about it. It gave you a small feeling of butterflies.. you didn't really have the strength to even try and think about what that meant at the moment, all you knew is that you couldn't wait for your next art class.

A/N: I really hope this turned out okay, the drought of Hazel fics really fueled this one, I might make this a mini series or something, but I hope you guys enjoy!

[weepingwillow-writes]

hi! i saw you were the first and only person so far the write hazel x reader 😭 and i need more with her! can you please do hazel x fem!reader they’re already dating during wicked wonderland so throughout the whole thing hazel is just being really protective over reader. in the one scene where pink snaps at max, she could also maybe snap at reader due to cheshire cat whispering things in her ear and telling her to say stuff. as well as in the chess scene instead of red using chloe as bait she uses reader and hazel goes into full protective gf mode 😭🙏. (Reader would also be more hyper fem). thank you!!

HOOKED MY HEART

Synopsis: Your may always be distrusted by HKs, but Hazel won't be letting them get away with it

pairing: Hazel Hook x Daughter of the Cheshire Cat!reader

genre: hurt/comfort

reader gender: female

warning: brief talk about homophobic attitudes, taunting from Chessy towards reader, kidnapping (no more than the movie), threats, unsuccessful attempts of violence, swearing, cliff hangers

Author's note: the drought of hazel fics is so sad cause I want to read them but I actually have to lock in and write one to have content :(

I did see on account that took hazel requests but they were a request only blog ad I can't remember the user

do keep the requests coming for hazel please! I wanna write more but I struggle with coming up with ideas

I plan on writing a part two for this fic, I already have a scene written that I was going to add to this but it would add on like another thousand words which i know oh no my steak is too juicy but I like have reactions to my writing guys

I also do have another Hazel fic cooking in my head so expect more content anyways

I could keep yapping but I really doubt many people actually are reading this lmao

masterlist

All you wanted was one nice day with your girlfriend. One.

First days of school aren't all that interesting but at least you wouldn't be pushed through houses and taunted by your own sister.

Chessy always knew how to get under your skin.

Currently, you had settled for the night under a Lumoria tree. It was pretty, having a cool comforting glow underneath it, but that couldn't have calm down the unease you felt from the day.

"You okay?" Hazel whispered to you as you both sat on a mushroom, taking your hand into hers. You knew she could tell you had been off since you entered Wonderland.

You smiled weakly. "Been better but nothing a good nights sleep can't fix."

That probably wasn't entirely true. You wouldn't feel better until you were out of Wonderland.

Hazel chuckled nonetheless. "At least this time, there won't be any irritating teachers tell us to separate."

You rolled your eyes. "Telling us to separate whilst a straight couple are fully making out behind us was the most insane thing I've ever experienced."

She went to say something else, but Luis caught both of your attention.

"I was thinking," He started, nudging Red. "How about you, me, and the other HKs take the point of heading to the palace tomorrow. I don't really trust these VKs. I mean, what are they really bring to the table."

You wondered if he knew how to whisper. He didn't seem a fan of being subtle.

Hazel's eyes narrowed, and your sister appeared on her shoulders.

Horror washed over you as she began her favourite pass time; mind games. "Ugh, these hero types think they own the world. Time to show 'em VKs can run it."

"Hazel—" You tried to cut in but she was already up, ready to jump to all of your defence.

"Not so fast, Senor Hero." Her growing annoyance was apparent in her voice. "You're gonna need a lot more than good hair and a nice smile to get this done."

Chessy continued, appearing on Luis' shoulder. "You're more than good hair, and what does Hazel Hook know about saving the day?"

"How about you leave the real work to us villians?" Hazel had continued.

"A Madrigal never backs down from a challenge." Luis said as he stood.

Everyone began to get in each other's faces, taunting them about how Heroes or Villains were better for one reason or another.

You had stayed back, still grappling with what was happening as Chessy decided to taunt you. "Enjoying the show? Would to such a shame if precious Hazel got hurt fighting with Luis…" You waved a hand to make her disappear, but she reappeared sat next to you. "Can't get rid of me that easily, little sister."

You got up, about to break them up but Red beat you to the punch. "I'm hearing a lot of talk from the both of you, but who's really got what it takes to defeat Maddox? Hmm?"

Is she seriously egging them on right now?

What followed was something that should've been entertaining but the entire time, you were stuck just reeling with Chessy's words. In reality, you knew her words were just that; words, but all you could think was what if she was right? What if Hazel did get hurt? What if these HKs decided that you all were truly evil and that hurting you all was justified?

You were seriously going to toss Chessy out a window when you saw her in person next.

As the dance battle finished up, Hazel brought you over to celebrate with the VKs. "That was the easiest thing I've done in my life." She laughed.

"I'm proud of you." You whispered. She grinned at you, pulling you closer.

You relaxed ever so slightly. That moment of relief was on temporary.

"We can't argue that!" Red announced. "VKs got it."

Chessy appeared on Pink's shoulders. "A VK win? Did your sister forget who kidnapped your mum?"

"Are you kidding me?" Pink's voice was tense, getting everyone's attention. "You're siding with them? With him? He could be in on this with his dad, for all we know, and you saw how her sister taunted us in that house. Who's to say she's not working with Maddox either? Look, I may be the little sister, but at least I'm brave enough to say what everyone's thinking."

Her voice had so much venom it almost made you flinch.

"Is that all people are to you?" Hazel barked. "An extension of their family? That's the most shallow thing I've ever heard!"

Max had already taken his leave as you tried to rein Hazel in before she finally used her hook on someone. "It's not worth the fight, come on."

"No. They shouldn't be allow to just walk all over us because they have 'better parents'. If we show an ounce of the disrespect that they do to us, we'd have our heads on a sliver platter."

Hazel look around, mostly at the HKs, only to be met with silence. Her eyes narrowed at them. "So much for being heroes now."

She grabbed your hand and walked away, finding a spot for the night.

Deciding to settle on a mushroom, you brought your knees to your chest. Hazel's eye were intently on you.

"You don't believe what she said?" She asked softly. "Because you and I both know that HKs are so high up on their horses that they can't see the ground."

"It's not that." You sighed, looking ahead. "It's Chessy."

"What did she do this time?"

"The past ten minutes." You waved a hand.

The gears shifted in Hazel's head. "It was Chessy putting those thoughts into our head."

"We're in her territory." Your voice turned bitter. "I shouldn't have come. She always toys with me when given the chance."

"She would've messed with us anyways. She was the only person who ever believed Maddox on the isle. Proving everyone wrong and get to cause mischief? It's basically paradise for her."

"Didn't know your girlfriend thought so highly of me." Chessy spoke. You didn't even check to see where she had appeared, just buried your head in Hazel's shoulder with a groan.

"Fuck off, Chessy." You muttered, Hazel's arms wrapping around you.

"Where is she?" Her voice became rough.

"She's an illusion, darling."

"I'm going to skin her the next time I see her."

"We made it!" Felix's voice echoed.

You untangled yourself from Hazel, both of you rushing over to the area of his voice.

"We made it!" Robbie said this time, running over to Luis as they hugged each other.

You run over to Felix, hugging him tightly, before checking him over. "You're not hurt?"

Felix chuckled. "Nice to see you too."

"How'd you find us?" Hazel asked as she did the same, looking over at Robbie.

"We heard the singing. Such beautiful singing." He gave Luis a pat.

Pink had come over with a smile on her face, holding out of her pink teacups to Felix. "Tea?"

He immediately knocked it out of her hand, smashing it into the ground. "No tea."

"What happened out there?" Hazel asked.

You frowned. "You always liked tea."

Max and Red reappeared. "I know how to stop my father." He announced, causing everyone to gather closer to him. "We go after his Oraculum."

Not even an hello to the two people that were missing.

"His what?" Luis asked.

"His most prize invention."

"So we're going to steal it, and use it to get mum back." Red explained.

The plan sounded smart enough, but whatever else they said went over your head.

The world began to spin a little, and before you could even work that out, everything went black.

****

"Hey, wake up!" You opened your eyes to find Hazel shaing you awake, and she did not look calm.

Your hand flew up to shield your eyes from the light. Why the hell was it so bright?

"What happened?" You mumbled, sitting up and looking around.

You were all spawled across what looked like a pastel chessboard. Surrounding it was flowing bushes and objects that all towered over you.

"Why is everything massive?" Hazel offered you a hand, pulling you up.

A giant butterfly flew over you. "Oh hi, Tabitha." Pink said airily.

Everything wasn't massive. You were just small.

"We're toast! Literally!" Felix panicked. Poor guy went from a tea traumatising event to a toast traumatising event. He was going to run out of british food to eat soon.

"Smees, go climb that flower to get a better view." Hazel instructed.

When they approached, the flower turned purple and started attacking the closest thing to it, which thankfully was a tea cup and not Squirmy.

Hazel pulled you back, as Robbie panicked. "Aggressively hot tip; we stay on the board."

"Hey, leave my brother alone!" Squeaky held up his fists to the flower, approaching it. The board started to flicker.

"You'll get it next time." You assured him.

The sound of gears turning cause you to look behind you, where a bunch of mechanical, very Maddox, chess pieces had appeared. You all retreated to the other side.

"Of course." You muttered.

"Looks like your trapped." Your sister's stupid voice came to taunt you once more. Your head whipped around, trying to locate where she was. "Over here." Her face appeared on the timer, making to rock side to side.

"You're all pawns in Maddox's game now." She giggled. "It's simple. If you ever want to get off this board, you need to capture the king, unless you're captured first."

"Wow, thanks! I totally couldn't work that one out!" You told her.

She smirked at you. "Make your move!"

"Hey everyone!" Chloe called. "He's challenging us to a game of chess."

Chloe got everyone to line up and got Robbie to move to E4. He got flung off the board.

"My dude!" Felix yelled.

You were horrified. Did Chloe just kill him?

"Could you be anymore naive?" Hazel scolded. "You think Maddox would every set up a simple game? Get your head out of your tiara, princess!"

You put a hand on Hazel's shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine." You whispered.

"What if that was someone important?" She looked over at you.

"Okay, it's just the first move." Chloe tried to justify like she hadn't just sent Robbie to who knows where.

"Come on, Chloe. She's right. We can't think so straightforward." Red told her.

"Just let me try again." She begged.

"I don't think we have time to try the same way twice." You spoke.

"She's right." Red agreed. "If we're going to defeat Maddox, we need to think like a villain."

Everyone agreed. You looked at Hazel. "Of course they listen when she says it." Hazel muttered.

The game was absolutely chaotic. You were constantly questioning if the rules were actual chess or if you bullshitted hard enough, you'd be fine.

Felix got captured, and flung off the board, and so did Squirmy, who had the tile underneath him open up and dropped down.

The king had been propped up onto a platform, Luis got taken hostage by the chess pieces, and had Pink, Max, Chloe, and Squeaky taken with him, leaving you, Hazel, and Red left to find a way around Maddox's game.

Red grabbed your arm, pointing at the flower.

"What?" You asked as you started pulling you towards it.

"The flower!" she yelled to Hazel, before pushing you in front of the flower.

"What the fuck!"You yelped, throwing yourself backwards to get away from it dove towards where you stood.

Hazel hooked one of its petals, holding it in place, which Red used as a means to get onto the King's platform. She push it off, winning the game.

Hazel rushed over to you. "Let to look at you." She got down next to you on the ground.

You were breathing heavily, reeling. It was hard to even process what had happened.

"You're okay." Hazel told you, trying to guide you back to a coherent state.

"That actually happened." You murmured.

"Hearts!" Hazel yelled. "What the hell was that?!"

You turned around getting to your feet. Pink looked terrified at the use of her last name.

"I had to think quickly." Red defended.

"Oh, really? So. your first thought was toss the closest person in front of a murderous plant?Look at you saving the day, Princess of Hearts!"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"Every heard the saying 'the ends don't justify the means'?" Hazel continued. "You know what I find strange? The person you happened to use as bait is the same person your sister was accusing of working with Maddox last night."

"I thought people weren't extensions of their families?"

"You didn't seem to disagree with her point."

"Hazel, you're grasping at straws here."

Hazel laughed hollowly. You felt the sound in your core.

Someone was about to get hurt if someone didn't step in.

"Hazel—"

"Two of our friends just got sent to who-knows-where because we came to help save your mother and you're seriously trying to justify using one of us as bait?!"

Your arms wrapped around her just as she lunged at Red.

Everyone reacted fast. There were gasps of horror, Luis pulled Red away, Chloe pulled out her knife, and Pink was yelling to stop.

Max and Squeaky came over to help you hold Hazel back.

"Let me at her!" Hazel yelled, waving her arms around.

"Get the hook!" You called out, Squeaky helping hold Hazel back.

"Hazel! Calm down!" Max told her, grabbing the arm her hook was in. "You're proving their point!"

As her hook was taken away, she stopped flailing. Her breathing was rapid, but the anger had disappeared from her face. All that was left was sadness.

"Let me go." She said softly, tugging at your arms. "I'm done with this."

You held on for a moment, looking at her sadness, before dropping your arms.

"You're seriously letting her go?!" Luis asked.

Hazel just walked off to the giant eat me sign.

"I think I know my girlfriend better than you, Luis." You said quietly, before following her.

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

okay so @sanguineed and @normal-cactus1221 are my heroes of ever and offered even the tiniest amount of interest in my many many descendants wicked wonderland character ideas (and i simply do not have time to actually draw my idealized versions of these characters right now) so here are all my beautiful thoughts on how to make the Ten Main Character Cast of the new movie work better:

Pink:

Pink needs to be even more Wonderland-y. She isn't the heir, she isn't her mother's favorite, but she loves Wonderland and is so enmeshed in her own culture that it actually makes her sort of Off Putting to the people of Auradon?

Everyone loves her!! They think she's cute and funny and Sweet and good in small doses!! But she has a very hard time making close friendships because people think she's weird

Since Descendants is already stealing Everything Else from Ever After High, I'm stealing Riddlish (the, essentially, like Cultural Wonderland Language, even though everyone also speaks English) and giving it to this movie.

Pink loves speaking in Riddlish, and is fully fluent, and throughout the movie she keeps trying to have asides with Red in it so they can more privately discuss what's going on. But!! In Red's version of Wonderland Riddlish has more or less been totally eradicated, so she Can't have conversations in it. She might speak a phrase or two, because the old version of Maddox taught her, but she doesn't actually know the language. But to Pink, it just looks like Red is intentionally blowing her off.

This just adds to her feelings of abandonment and betrayal, because not only is her sister, and best friend (who she clearly looks up to) totally ignoring her, and acting like she's this inconvenient annoyance, but now her Only Close Cultural Touchstone and person who can relate to these things is acting like she's not even from the same place. (She's not.)

I also think Pink is significantly more anti-VK, but it should be made very, very clear that this is because of Her timeline's Red. Like, she's even more clearly upset and confused when Red sides with the VKs because SHE is the one who told Pink they aren't trustworthy!! She is the one who said Max Hatter was a dangerous jerk she should keep her distance from!! And now she's acting like she's one of them?? When Max's dad is literally holding their mom hostage?? What's Going On???

It's already sort of a point in the movie, but I do think every aspect of Pink, especially at the start, should lean Hard into the fact that she looks up to Red so much that she's actively trying to copy the version of her from this time line. She's not Great at it, because she's a different person, but she should be clearly trying to play at someone she's not, and getting frustrated that not only is it not working, but now RED isn't acting like herself anymore Either.

Max Hatter:

I really think Max works well in this movie, but I think he should Parallel Pink more, in that the Old Pre Time Travel version of him loved Wonderland as much as she does now.

He probably spoke Riddlish, and was fascinated by everything about it, even in the worse time line when things were less pretty and silly and whimsical

It adds an extra layer of Red Stole His Life, because she literally gave her little sister a core aspect of his personality, and adds to the tragedy and guilt Red has to feel when looking at how much he's changed

To contrast, I think this time line's Max should actively be putting in all his effort to separate himself from Wonderland. He hates it, and he hates everything about it, and he doesn't want people to have another excuse to compare him to his dad, so he's visually fully a VK instead of a Wonderland-ian

They do this in the movie, but I want him trying to be a good guy to be even more explicit. He's NICE! He's just angsty, and he hates Red and Pink! But no one trusts him, no matter what he tries, and I want that to be so so obvious.

Hazel Hook:

Hazel Hook is genuinely perfect the only thing that needs to change is she needs to have a Scottish accent. Her brother has a Scottish accent. Where is her Scottish accent?? PLEASE??

Smee Twins:

My babies. My angels. They're going to be Less identical, but even more weird about it.

Like, they aren't wearing exactly the same outfit, but they're still well coordinated, and they're incredibly codependent. They're allowed to be weird, codependent twins, just also make them their own characters too.

I think they're more of a Brains and Brawn combination, now. They're both still silly and hyperactive, but Squeaky (tiny smee) is the book smart twin, whose more observant and good at plans, and Squirmy (tall smee) is the more athletic twin, whose lifting their friends above his head and punching people. To be clear,,., they're both still Stupid. But Squeaky gets to be Smart-Stupid. It's allowed.

(This is literally just based on their canon Auradon application. the franchise decided in d3 that squeaky liked school, and reading, and writing, and squirmy just tags along. they had this already. why didn't they use this.)

Squeaky is fully nonverbal. It's kind of weird that he's not already? In the first movie, obviously neither of them speak, but in this one Squeaky straight up has, like, three lines, they're very early on, two are perfectly in synch with his brother, and then later in the movie he literally just..,., doesn't speak? Even when it's weird that he's not verbally responding, because he's the only other person in a conversation.

So, like, lean into it. Squeaky is just nonverbal, and when he needs to communicate with another character, or say a stupid joke in synch with his brother (because i think thats cute) he just uses ASL (auradonian sign language, obviously).

Honestly, I think it's MORE fun to have him and Squirmy say lines in synch, but he's just signing. Their little 'pride of the upperclass' part rules if Squirmy is singing it and Squeaky is signing it with the same exact vibes. This is a no brainer to me.

Important to note!! He doesn't sign when he's talking to Squirmy. I want to to be genuinely unclear if they have full magical, super natural power twin telepathy. Like, Squeaky gets an idea, just makes silent eye contact with his brother for two seconds, and Squirmy immediately turns to the group, and goes: 'Hey, guys so Squeaky thinks that we should do this--'

Chronic nightmare havers after they got Sleeping Cursed when they were like, nine, in D3. (All the VKs know about them because they have sleepovers all the time.)

They also get their glasses back. Where are their glasses? Give them back they can't see :(

The VKs, Chloe, and Robbie know which one is Squeaky and which one is Squirmy, and Pink didn't, but she just asked and they told her, because they genuinely don't care. Red and Luis have literally no clue which one is which. Red could not care less, has not asked, and maybe doesn't know their first names to begin with, but Luis is absolutely MORTIFIED. He feels Cripplingly guilty about it, he's woken himself up in a cold sweat worrying about it, but he just... will not ask because he feels bad. Once again, they Would just tell him. They would not care.

They're how the VK friend group came together. They grew up with Hazel on the Isle, and then Celia introduced Felix to them as soon as the barrier dropped, since they're the same age, and, tbh, I think it's fun if they made friends with Max first, because they don't care about who people's parents are, and then immediately dragged Hazel into it so she could Force him to be her best friend

Felix Facilier:

I know he likes magic in the movie already, but I wanna lean into it more. He's literally a walking magical encyclopedia, and is always looking to learn more about it, so he Loves Wonderland.

Like, their lives are On the line, Max's dad is actively sending things to attack him and the whole time he's going: 'GUYS! this is so COOL!! how does it work!!! :D'

I think he's really good at the cold reading part of fortune telling, so he's observant, and excellent at clocking when people are lying, or feel weird about something

But!! He mostly just only uses that skill ^^ to mess with people and make sure his friends are okay. He picks up on the Chloe and Red tension IMMEDIATELY, but he's not saying anything about it, he's just sitting back with metaphorical popcorn and waiting to see how this shit plays out.

Kind of the secret emotional backbone of his friend group, but he's also puppet mastering that shit like it's his job, so no one would think it on the surface

Robbie Hood:

Okay, so, I think I have too many thoughts about Robbie because, holy shit, there has never been a more pointless character and I love him and I need to give him a reason to exist.

Starting off: The strongest general consensus I have seen from people about D5 is they're relieved that they didn't make Robbie Hood a Fox Boy.

I've made him a Fox Boy.

Not fully, like he's not an anthropomorphic fox, but I do think he has little fox ears and a tail, and you guys are cowards for wanting anything else. In my head, Sherwood Forest is just a kingdom full of animal folk, so everyone has animalistic Aspects, and it's just normal and a thing. I'm right and correct and no one can fight me on this.

He's got WAY more nuance as an HK than in the original movie. Yes, sure, he’s got an INCREDIBLY strong moral code, but it’s a Robin Hood moral code, so he’s very down with stealing from corporations, and has no actual problem with the VKs unless they’re really being assholes. (Ex. He doesn’t care if they’re pickpocketing random royalty, but if he, like, sees them bullying some obviously freaked out freshmen, he’ll step in.)

The scene where Max throws him a coin ‘for friar tuck’ literally should have gone like, Max throws it, he catches it, and just goes ‘hey thanks man!! :)’ fully genuinely

And! This aspect of his character can also be used In A Plot Important Way to emphasize the differences between This Red and the version of her from the time line they’re in now. In a moment where she sides with the VKs on something before he can step in, he could get excited and be like: ‘woah! You never agree with me! What happened!’

He's still friends with Red and Chloe, and he's still singing a little hype up duet with Luis about them, but he also immediately after pivots to: ‘Hey, my One Percenters!! How much of your unbelievable wealth have you donated to good causes today? Do you need recommendations, I have a spreadsheet.’

Runs a bunch of charity and fundraising organizations and clubs across Auradon Prep. (Post canon, he and Pink are 1000% throwing the most audacious charity bake sale of all time)

Uses a bow and arrow more often?? Obviously?? He is a full prodigy, and gets in trouble for bringing a firearm around campus Constantly, but when it gets confiscated, he just makes another one because his dad and his buddies taught him how to.

Just overall he needs to be more of a crunchy, raised in the woods it-takes-a-village style by his parents and all the Merry Men kind of character. Like, Little John is picking him up from his after school clubs. Will Scarlet is going to this kid's parent teacher conferences because he's the only one whose schedule allowed it. This kid is Weird in the kind of way only a kid raised by woke bandits can be.

AND!! This way, when he and Felix get separated from the others, they can have an Actual C Plot as they try to get back (other than Falling In Love obviously, which is also happening) because Robbie grew up in the forest, he’s great at finding his way, and tracking!! Normally!! So, at first he's super confident, but this is WONDERLAND. Everything is topsy turvy from how it’s supposed to be, and it's infuriating him. But!! Felix, who is definitely not outdoorsy normally, has a vast understanding of how magic works. So, they're able to combine their skillsets, and work together to find their way back to their friends. And, also fall in love. Obviously.

Luis Madrigal:

First things first: His vest is purple. Why would it not be purple? His side of the family's colors are literally, obviously, straight up purple and blue, and the other side of his family has yellow. The vest is purple, the candles can stay blue.

I do think he's under and insane amount of pressure, but it's more self inflicted, and situational than with his mom, because the literal Plot of Encanto is that they end the movie WORKING ON THAT??? His family is actively not putting any of this pressure on him (at least intentionally) to do anything.

I think, age wise, he's Dead Middle of his cousins, so he's grown up seeing his older cousins become this cool, amazing people that he admires and wants to emulate, while also feeling an obligation and desire to set his own good example for his baby cousins

He's also the first of the Madrigals to go to Auradon instead of staying local, so he feels like he NEEDS to make a good impression, not only for himself, but for his family and town

Genuinely just a good boy who wants to help people, and make people happy, and be liked by every living thing ever which is normal to want and possible to achieve

And, okay. Okay. This is the most important part. He does not have super strength. WHY would he have super strength?? That's not how the Madrigal family gifts WORK.

Instead (and this is really a first thought, only thought kind of thing, I'm open to suggestions), I think he can make tangible, temporary illusions. (So, like, example: if outside of town, someone's wagon wheel breaks, he can create a temporary one and ride in the wagon focusing on keeping it real while they get it back into town to actually repair it.)

His favorite way to use it, though, and the way he uses it most often, is to do gorgeous light shows, or little puppet shows to entertain kids. He's really artistic, and was even more so as a little kid (Mirabel is definitely his favorite aunt)

But! BUT!!!!! What happened was, when he arrived in Auradon, he was so incredibly nervous, and desperate to be liked, but no one in Auradon really understood how the Madrigal's powers worked. So, everyone was super excited to see the kid with super strength! His mom has super strength, so he must have super strength too, right?

And Luis, sweet, baby, 14 year old, freshman, people pleaser Luis panics and just says Yes, Of Course. My Super Strength. Which I Have. And, at this point, he's in WAY too deep to fix it.

He IS genuinely really strong, but it's not magically strong, he just works out a lot. Especially after lying about having super strength to an entire school. He's Very neurotic about it.

Luckily for him, he's... in high school? So, no one is asking him to Lift Buildings or stop avalanches, so he Can illusion his way out of a lot of it, by making it Look like he's lifting a huge boulder or hiding himself, and temporarily make a fake, stronger Luis as a tangible illusion (that looks better from a distance, and he can only sustain for shortttt periods of time)

Waiting at all times for this lie to crumble down around him. He's kind of split in two, because he adores his family, but he's actively dreading one of his cousins following in his footsteps to Auradon Prep and exposing him. This boy has been dodging family weekends for three years (and crying about it because he misses his mommmm)

This also means he can relate to Red Even Better now??? (as a friend-- tbh, I didn't mind them in the movie, but let Red be holding one of Chloe's two gay gay lesbian hands, while Hazel holds the other) Because he intimately understands what it feels like to have everyone want you to be a version of yourself that cannot exist and was never actually real.

Robbie and him are 100% roommates and best friends, so he Knows about the lie, and has sworn on his LIFE that he will never tell anyone.

Felix figured it out Immediately, the second he saw Luis do an illusory show of strength, but he hasn't mentioned it to him. This is just another piece of information that he's sitting on and waiting to see how it plays out.

Also they all mention their siblings. Hazel has, like, eighty siblings at this point. Felix has two sisters. Chloe Charming's older brother is Chad Charming. I desperately need someone to talk about Chad Charming and Chloe Charming growing up together. PLEASE.

[wetcatschwartzy]

she killed a kraken with just a napkin and ate him raw

[strawberry-sweet-vampire]

In the Descendants Sitcom in my head Felix and Robbie are consistently getting into more and more terrifying situations. Like the A plot will be what you'd expect out of Descendants and a Dcom and then this will be average Felix and Robbie B-Plot:

[helios-suns]

Another descendants wicked wonderland incorrect quotes

My fav polycule as always (Bridget/Ella/Christopher/Maddox) and later on the wonderland rescue squad, beware some are nswf in both cases

---

Maddox: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.

Charming: Weight loss? Drink water.

Ella: Clear skin? Drink water.

Bridget: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

---

Charming: about Bridget and Maddox They make a cute couple, huh?

Ella: They certainly are standing next to each other.

---

Ella: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Charming: Throw rocks at he.

Maddox: Hot Dogs.

Bridget: Kill him.

Ella: Thanks guys.

---

Charming: Truth or dare?

Bridget: Dare.

Charming: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.

Bridget: Hey Maddox?

Maddox, blushing: Yeah?

Bridget: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Ella.

---

Bridget: I love you.

Ella: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

Bridget and Ella kiss passionately

Charming, to Maddox: You owe me 20 dollars.

---

Ella: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Maddox: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Bridget: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Charming: Guys.

---

Ella: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?

Maddox: No. No, Ella, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Ella calls Bridget. Number five: Charming gets eaten by a shark.

Charming: I’m Charming, and I approve the order of that list.

---

Trying to cheer Bridget after a break up

Maddox: You broke up with Ella for a reason.

Bridget: I know, I know. I’m just so tired of missing her. Tired of wondering why she hasn't called. Why hasen't she called?

Maddox: Maybe because you told her not to.

Bridget: What are you, the Memory Person?

---

And now for a part of the Wonderland rescue squad!

Chloe: You’re a loose cannon, Red.

Red: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Pink: I think you play by your own rules.

Hazel: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

Chloe: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Red: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Max is a loose cannon.

Max: smashes a chair Aah! You shut your trap, Red!

Hazel: I’d say Max’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing.

Pink: Now I’m just confused. Is Red a loose cannon or not?

Chloe: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.

Red: groans

Max: Aw, man.

---

Red: God, if only someone loved me…

Max: standing behind her with roses

Chloe: holding box of chocolates

Hazel: has balloons and a card

Pink: facepalms This is sad.

---

Red, about Hazel and Chloe: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Chloe: Excuse me, Red?

Red: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Hazel: …

Pink: I ship it!

Max: CAN YOU NOT?

---

Hazel: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

Pink: Schrödinger's boys.

Max: FUCK!

Red: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Chloe: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Chloe: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Hazel: …

Pink: …

Max: …

Red: …

Chloe: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

---

Chloe: Unfollow me if you think the Earth is flat.

Max: *seriously pretends to be a flat-earther to antagonize the anti-flat-earther.

Pink: *neutral but makes polls to start fights, "Is the Earth flat? Let's discuss!"*

Hazel: not a flat-earther but makes "the Earth may be flat but this ass ain't" jokes for viral tweets.

Red: actual flat-earther.

---

Chloe: I'm going to be an adult in 2 years and I only have a vague idea of what I'm going to do.

Max: I’m gonna be an adult in less than a year and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

Red: I'm with you there…

Hazel: I'm an adult and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

Pink: Three types of people.

---

Chloe: visiting the squad Hello, I just came to-

Chloe: sees Red shoving Pink into the washing machine while Max records and Hazel watches

Chloe: retreating Something suddenly came up.

---

Red: Time for plan G.

Chloe: Don’t you mean plan B?

Red: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Pink: What about plan D?

Red: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Hazel: What about plan E?

Red: I’m hoping not to use it. Max dies in plan E.

Max: I like plan E.

---

Max: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food!

Pink: You can eat a rock.

Red: Air.

Chloe: The fabric of time and space.

Hazel: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.

Max: You guys are not helpful.

---

Pink: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Max: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.

Red: Three of us saw it, Max. How do you explain that?

Max: points at Hazel Sleep deprivation. points at Red Paranoia. points at Chloe Delusional personality disorder.

---

Max: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple…

Hazel: I really care about your feelings!

Pink: I really care about YOUR feelings!

Max, turning his head: …and then there's the disaster couple…

Red: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!

Chloe: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

---

Chloe: Mice are having sex in my walls.

Pink: Tattletale!

Hazel: You're just being ungrateful.

Max: It's their home too, you know.

Red: So what? Don't slutshame them.

Chloe: The mice are fucking AND now I'm getting heckled.

(even funnier if you remember that considering Ella could talk to mices, Chloe probably can too)

---

Pink: Hey, what have you two been doing?

Max: we were helping Chloe with their wedding vows and we were kicked out of their house for making it inappropriate.

Hazel: How is “Nice ass, Red” inappropriate?

---

Chloe: There's no meeting today because Max is at the police station.

Pink: He's in jail?!

Hazel: We have to get him out!

Red: Jailbreak! I'm in!

Hazel: I'll dress up and distract the guard!

Pink: Ooh, I'll bake some food to help distract ALL the guards!

Red: I guess I could bring my frying pan in case we need a shield to keep us from being shot-

Chloe: No! Max wasn't arrested! He's undercover, taking the system down from the inside. He doesn't need our help!

---

Red: You know what I learned from my friendship with Chloe?

Pink: There’s no such thing as too mean?

Hazel: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?

Max: Always hold a grudge?

---

Hazel: All right, y'all! Let's take a vote!

Max: A secret vote. Everyone close your eyes.

the Squad closes their eyes

Chloe: We don't see the result!

Max: Well, just say your vote out loud.

Red: Won't we recognize each other's voices?

Pink: Hazel has a point.

---

Max: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Pink: It was Red.

Hazel: It was Red.

Chloe: Red broke it.

Red:

Red: …yOU PROMISED-

---

Red, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

Max: A loving family.

Hazel: A better love life.

Pink: Mental stability.

Chloe: clueless Bagels?

---

The Squad's cooking skills

Pink: master chef

Chloe: knows a few recipes

Red: can follow instructions on a box

Hazel: made toast once

Max: banned from the kitchen

---

Chloe: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-

Chloe, to Red: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.

Hazel, to Max: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.

Pink: There are two types of people.

---

Red: Hey, how did my phone break?

Hazel: You were drunk yesterday.

Red: And?

Pink: You threw it.

Red: Why?

Chloe: You turned on airplane mode and kept screaming “FLY DAMN YOU!”

Red: And why didn’t you stop me?!

Max: We were busy laughing our asses off.

---

Red: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Chloe and I are dating.

Chloe, Hazel, Pink, and Max: gasp

Red: Chloe, why are you surprised?!

---

Pink: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went… OK.

Max: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.

Pink: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.

Chloe I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.

Red: Looks like someone's a HO.

Max: NaBrO.

Hazel: I'm done with all of you!

---

Chloe: Anyone d-

Hazel: Depressed?

Pink: Drained?

Red: Dumb?

Max: Disliked?

Chloe: -done with their work… what is wrong with you people…

---

Hazel: Red, I know you snuck out to see Chloe last night.

Red: If you tell Pink or Max, I swear I’ll murder you, and they’ll never find the body.

Hazel: Five bucks?

Red: Fine.

---

The gang's thoughts on stabbing

Pink: Would never stab anyone.

Nice!Chloe: Would stab someone in retaliation.

Red: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

Hazel: Would stab without warning.

Evil!Chloe: Would stab as a warning.

(have you guys seen Evil!Chloe and her dagger?? If descendants wasn't kid friendly she would have definitely stabbed someone)

---

the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered

Evil!Chloe: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?

Hazel: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.

Max: What about Pink? Nobody ever suspects Pink!

Pink: Well what about Red? She has a gun!

Red: Chloe has a knife.

Evil!Chloe: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! stabs Max in the arm

---

Pink: Good morning.

Red: Good morning.

Chloe: Good morning.

Hazel: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Max: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

---

Hazel: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water??

Chloe: Y- you were putting it in cold water??

Red: Hazel. Answer the question, Hazel.

Hazel: Yeah??? I thought people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. didn't realize there was an actual reason.

Hazel: Plus you think I have the patience to boil water?

Max: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes??

Red: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it?

Max: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?

Red: It takes less than a minute.

Max: Is your stovetop powered by the fucking sun???

Red: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove?

Max: Like seven minutes??

Chloe: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes… less than that if you use a saucepan!

Red: Why are you putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? Chloe? Your stove is enchanted!

Hazel: Every single person here is a fucking lunatic.

Pink: Do none of you own a fucking kettle?!

---

Chloe: Red is late again.

Hazel: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11.

Max: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.

Pink: I set their clock to say PM when it’s really AM.

Chloe: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.

Red bursts through the door

Red: WHAT TIME IS IT?

---

Chloe: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?

Max: Why?

Chloe: Hazel fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.

Pink: Red doesn't know how to banish spirits, so she just threw salt at them and yelled "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

---

Hazel: What makes you all smile?

Pink: Friends and Family.

Max: Snacks.

Chloe: Victory and success.

Red: Face muscles.

---

Pink: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Hazel: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Max: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Red: I joined you in the dumb stuff.

Chloe: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

---

Pink: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?

Chloe: IT.

Hazel: Annabelle.

Red: Paranormal Activity.

Max: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.

---

Max: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Hazel: 'Prettiest Smile'

Pink: 'Nicest Personality'

Red: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Chloe: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

---

Hazel: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Max: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Chloe: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.

Red: What was the color called before then?

Pink: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

---

Pink: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Max: Several traffic violations.

Hazel: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Chloe: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Red: Also, that’s not our car.

---

Pink: What do rainbows mean to you?

Red: Gay rights.

Hazel: There's money.

Chloe: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.

Max: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

(Out of all of the characters, I feel like if one of them was a christian, it would be Chloe, even across other HK, she just has the vibe you know? at least at first)

---

Red: What's the worst thing you guys have done?

Pink: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.

Max: I kicked Chloe in the shin-

Chloe: -So I kicked Max between the legs.

Hazel: I burned a town down.

Red: What?!

Chloe: What the hell is wrong with you?!?

Hazel: A lot of things.

Max: No shit.

---

Chloe: Uh, Red? Pink is in the pool and I don't think she's waterproof.

Red: What?

Hazel: I think she meant, Pink is drowning.

Red: WHAT?!

Meanwhile

Pink: is drowning

Max: OH MY GOD, Pink! KEEP SWIMMING!

Pink: I can't swim, dumbass— sinks

Max: PINK!

---

Red: A mouse!

Hazel, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Max, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Chloe, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Pink, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Luìs: His name is Remi, dummy.

Red: …I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window… what is wrong with you people.

---

Squad reactions to being called straight:

Red: The fuck, no I'm not.

Hazel: Excuse the hell out of you?

Chloe: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Pink: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Luìs: Rude.

Max: punches the person

---

Luìs: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

Pink: What if it bites me and it dies?!

Luìs: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Pink, learn to listen.

Max: What if it bites itself and I die?

Luìs: That's voodoo.

Hazel: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Luìs: That's correlation, not causation.

Red: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

Luìs: That's kinky.

Chloe: Oh my god.

---

Pink: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Chloe: Sex.

Hazel: Seriously, answer faster.

Chloe: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Hazel: It’s like a giant hug.

Pink: Max, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Max: Food.

Pink: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Max: Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Luìs: What about you Red? What would you give up sex or food?

Red: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Luìs: No, you gotta pick one.

Red: Um, food… no, sex… no, food… sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want hot people on bread!

---

after the Squad has been separated for a few years

Hazel: So what have you been up to recently?

Max: Leading a revolution with Luìs.

Hazel: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.

Max: nods Oh, how cool! That's awesome!

Hazel: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Red?

Max: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Chloe?

Hazel: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break her out later. Pink?

Max: Cult leader.

Hazel: Yeah, that sounds about right.

---

Hazel: Fine! Judge all you want but…

Hazel, points at Max: Married a lesbian. (Chloe)

Hazel, points at Pink: Left a man at the altar.

Hazel, points at Luìs: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer. (Max)

Hazel, points at Chloe: Threw a man’s wooden leg in a fire. (James Hook leg)

Hazel, points at Red: Lives in a box!

---

Luìs: Just be yourself.

Red: Really? Luìs, I have one day to win over Chloe’s parents.

Red: How long did it take for you guys to like me?

Pink: Couple of weeks.

Hazel: Six months.

Max: Jury’s still out.

Red: See Luìs? ‘Just be yourself,’ what kind of garbage advice is that?!

---

Red, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Chloe: Hey.

Max: Hi.

Hazel: Hello.

Luìs: Hey!

Red: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Pink: We were out of Doritos.

---

Red: From now on we will be using code names.

Red: You can address me as Eagle One.

Red: Luìs is “been there done that”.

Red: Chloe is “currently doing that”.

Red: Hazel is “it happened once in a dream”.

Red: Max is “if I had to pick a Wonderlandian”.

Red: And Pink is..

Red: Eagle Two

Pink: Oh thank god.

---

Max: We’re kind of missing something guys.

Hazel: Cohesion?

Chloe: Teamwork?

Pink: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Red: And Luìs is not here.

Hazel: Oh, and that, yeah.

---

Luìs: Bye Max! Bye Hazel! Bye Pink! Bye Red! Bye Max!

Chloe: You said ‘bye Max’ twice.

Luìs: I like Max.

---

Hazel: Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Red: Make his dick hard not his life.

Chloe: Break her bed not her heart.

Felix Play with her boobs not her feelings.

Luìs: Get on his dick not his nerves.

Max: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

---

Max: I put the pun in punishment.

Chloe: I put the top in unstoppable.

Pink: I put the cute in execute.

Hazel: I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Luìs: I put the ass in class.

Red: I put the D in Max.

---

Luìs: How much you wanna bet Chloe got a Lap dance from Red?

Hazel: If that happened, Max can drink free tonight.

Max: As much as I love the thought of having free drinks I don't like the idea of Chloe receiving a Lap dance from someone other than me.

Luìs: Hey Red, did you give Chloe a lap dance?

Red: So what if I did?

Luìs, to Hazel: I guess Max is drinking free tonight.

Red: Be right back, I'm gonna go cry-

Chloe, entering the room: What the f-

---

Chloe: I’ll speak French between your legs~

Hazel: HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER BEEN TOLD-

Max, containing their laughter: I can just imagine someone saying ‘bonjour’ to a penis-

Felix: BONJOUR MADEMOISELLE VAGINA, HON HON TITTY CROISSANT!

Luìs: Titty croissant!?

Red: None of you should ever be having sex-

---

Chloe: Hazel kissed me!

Luìs: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Chloe: It was unbelievable!

Luìs: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Pink: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Luìs, get the wine and unplug the phone. Chloe, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Chloe: Oh, it ended very well.

Luìs: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Pink: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Chloe: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Pink: Ohh… So, okay, was sheholding you? Or were her hands on your back?

Chloe: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.

Luìs and Pink: Ohhh.

meanwhile

Hazel eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

Red: Tongue?

Hazel: Yeah.

Max: Cool.

---

Hazel: So, Chloe is late today. Anyone wanna bet why?

Hazel: I say she slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man.

Max: I don't know about that…I think either her alarm clock didn't go off, or she's in line at the bank.

Red: Take this more seriously! Chloe was clearly taken in her sleep!

Pink: I bet she tucked herself into the bed too tightly and got stuck.

Luìs: Maybe she fell into another dimension where she's more interesting…?

Chloe arrives

Chloe: Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank.

Max, clapping their hands in excitement: HOT DAMN!

---

Red, at Chloe: You're my significant other.

Chloe: Yeah I am!

Red, at Pink: You're my child.

Pink Yes boss.

Red, at Hazel: You're my bitch.

Hazel: Yeah I am- wait, what?

Red, at Max: My bestie.

Max: Naturally.

Red at Luìs: HA, GAY!

Luìs: Fuck you.

---

Red: If I fall…

Chloe: I’ll be there to catch you.

Max: looks at Luìs What if I fall?

Luìs: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Robbie: watches these two interactions

Robbie, to Felix: And if I fall?

Felix: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

---

Chloe: My mom is calling… hi mom.

Hazel: Come on guys, stop. She's trying to talk to their mom.

Max: loud fake sexual noises

Red: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Luìs: is asleep

Pink: gets really close to the phone Tell her I said hi.

---

Hazel: If we’re in trouble, just throw the twins at the problem, and hope for the best.

---

Robbie, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Chloe: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

---

Max: I’m Max. I’m an accountant.

Chloe: I’m Chloe. I have a knife.

---

Chloe: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

---

Pink: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

---

Squeaky: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Pink's birthday invitations.

Squirmy: Well, what are they supposed to say?

Squeaky: "Pink's birthday".

Squirmy: So, what do they say instead?

Squeaky: "Pink’s bi".

Squirmy:

Squirmy: Works out either way.

---

Squirmy: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-

Hazel: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

---

Hazel: We should normalize not loving family members.

Chloe: You can just say: “I hate my dumb fuck brother” or whatever. Talk like a normal person!

---

Robbie: I hate you sometimes.

Felix: Well according to this picture Squirmy drew of us holding hands that's not true.

Robbie: Felix, you drew that.

Felix: It doesn't matter.

---

Pink: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.

Squeaky: Uh, Luìs and Hazel are not getting along.

Pink: They’re not trying to kill each other.

Squeaky: You may have a point.

---

Red: They made Pink cry!

Luìs: Pink always cries!

Pink: That's not true! cries

---

Luìs: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind.

Chloe: Thank god.

---

Luìs: casually taking four stairs at a time

Max, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

---

Red: Go fuck yourself.

Chloe: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

---

Max: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why.

Pink: Only if you also don't ask why.

Pink: pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag

Max: …

Max, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

---

Squeaky: Hugs Max from behind

Squeaky: Tucks Max's hair behind their ear

Squeaky, whispering: Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and they'll never find your body.

---

Pink: I need life advice.

Hazel, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

---

Robbie: Hey, Felix! Do you wanna go celebrate with me?

Felix: Robbie, you know I can't be seen in public with you.

Robbie: Okay, a simple "no" would be fine.

---

Hazel: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Felix: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Hazel: Absolutely not.

---

Bridget in the 'beyond the isle of the lost' book

Bridget: Red, where’s your report card?

Red: My friends stole it from me at school, so now I don’t have it anymore.

Bridget: Do you think I’m stupid enough to believe that lie?

Red: What lie?

Bridget: That you have friends.

---

Red: Know why I called you in here?

Chloe: Because I accidentally sent you a nude pic.

Red: Stops pouring two glasses of wine. Accidentally?

---

Max: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Chloe recently.

Red: No, Max, it's not what it looks like, I swear.

Max: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Red: No! You’re the only one for me.

Max: Is that so?

Red: I promise! Chloe and I are just dating, okay? She's my girlfriend.

Max: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Red: You are still my one and only best friend! She's just the love of my life, nothing more!

Max: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Red: Of course bro!

Max: Bro…

Chloe: What the-

---

Luìs: May luck (and this picture of Hazel eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you.

---

Hazel: I'll offer you some friendly advice-

Max: I don't want your advice.

Hazel: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

---

Robbie: We both look very handsome tonight.

Felix: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."

Robbie: I couldn't take that chance.

---

Pink: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Pink is such a nice person, Pink is so happy-go-lucky! Pink can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Pink CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Pink IS be in a bad mood.

---

Squirmy, looking over Robbie’s shoulder: You can draw?

Robbie, stopping what they were doing: You can speak?

---

Red: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.

The Squad: Awwww-

Red: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."

The Squad: Oh.

---

Felix: How would you like your coffee?

Pink: As dark as my soul.

Felix: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!

---

Red: I’m 80% awesome 20% water and 100% handsome.

Robbie: That’s 200%.

Red: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

---

Felix: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Robbie: You sleep with a teddybear.

Felix: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

---

Max: I just found out from Squeaky today that when Red faked her death and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Squirmy said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”

---

Luìs: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Red: Tickling Roses, why?

Luìs:

Red: Were you going to get me flowers?

Luìs:

Red:

Luìs: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

---

Chloe: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

Squirmy: I think you mean cards.

Max: They did not.

Chloe, pulling out knives: I did not.

---

Max: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

Pink: sighing Red.

Red: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

Hazel: wiping away a tear So inspirational.

---

Max: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.

Squeaky: And?

Max: And you are.

---

Squeaky, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.

Pink: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?

Squeaky: I absolutely fucking do not.

---

Hazel: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Chloe: wHat?

Hazel: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Chloe: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

---

Chloe: I love murder mysteries!

Hazel, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

---

Red: Is it still visible? Where Chloe slapped me?

Squirmy: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Felix: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Squeaky: A palm reader could tell Chloe's future by looking at your face.

Hazel: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

Red: …A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.

---

Luìs: Why do you look like that?

Chloe, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Luìs: Like you’re dead.

Chloe: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Squirmy: Chloe accidentally called Hazel “babe” in front of everyone today.

Chloe: sobs into the floor

---

Chloe: That's ridiculous, Red doesn't have a crush on me.

Robbie: Yes she does.

Hazel: Yes she does.

Red: Yes I do.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I put too much for one post

[theunfortunate-author]

my daily affirmation as an author

[funk7-m4x]

Allow me to talk about this quick clip because i never really noticed this until now

STAN STOP POINTING THE GUN AT MITCH ARE YOU STUPID WHO TOUGHT YOU GUN SAFETY

And the way Mitch just kinda, slaps it back towards the cashier?? Does this happen often? Why is Stan the gun guy he clearly doesn't know anything

Are they stupid 💔

[cc-tinslebee]

teen villains + text posts

[idontliketomatoesleavemealone]

Sammy, opening a first aid kit: WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS???

CJ, bleeding out: it was funny at the time

[aiodenhunt]

Cj, coming to the family dinner: This is my girlfriend, Freddie!

Harriet, frowning: Oh… You could do so much better.

CJ: Hey! Nobody gave you the right to talk about her that way!

Harriet: I wasn’t talking to you, Calista. I was talking to Freddie. Seriously? CJ? Over everyone in the isle and Auradon?

Harry: Saw it coming but, damn, Freddie’s got a bad taste…

[aiodenhunt]

I srs think that , once his children come out to him, Hook will start to tell all of his lgbt related stories. 😭

Harriet comes out as a lesbian? Nice! Did ya know I dated Morgana’s son once?

Harry comes out as trans? Aight. Now learn how to navigate while you hear me talk about a friend who was also trans. (Morgie.)

Cj coming out as pan? -sniff- She likes everyone… like a true Hook… Like father like daughter…