the scarred goalie

[scarrcdgoalie]

#SCARRCDGOALIE     –     VANESSA PALMER ( showtime's yellowjackets ) based off the show.     highly dabbled in headcanons.     independent , selective , & low activity.     scorched by d ( any pronouns , 30 , pst )

IMPORTANT LINKS – RULES // MEMES ( always accepting )

REPLIES - 0 STARTERS - 0 MEMES - 0

[ray-marisha]

VAN PALMER in Yellowjackets (Season 1) x/x/x

[scarrcdgoalie]

sorry i haven't been on , the new job is kicking my ass. but i'll be on tonight to reply to some things. reminder that memes are here. feel free to like this for me to come & plot with you !

[proph5t]

𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋.

this  is  a  private      &      selective 𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰𝐬 blog from the series yellowjackets. this is a heavily headcanon based portrayal , slightly canon skeptical. studying  themes  such  as:   human  nature  ,  undying  devotion  ,  nature  versus  nurture  ,  found  family  , childhood trauma ,  girlhood to godhood  ,  survivor’s  guilt  ,  the scapegoat  , abandonment ,   &   lord of the flies.

please note: this blog is an unreliable narrator , & will be written in first person , from lottie's perspective , with a heavy focus on the pre - rescue timeline. this blog will also cover triggering topics , such as trauma , sex , violence , death , ritualistic murder , instances of cannibalism , etc , but all of which will be tagged properly.

created  by   darian   (  28  ,  she/they  ,  pst  )   created march  2023 , re - est. dec. 2024.

[taiturner]

YELLOWJACKETS 3x05 "Did Tai Do That" / 3x09 "How the Story Ends"

[scarrcdgoalie]

i'm at work until tonight so imma try to get some stuff done after. like this if you want me to send you memes while i work ( when i have time lol )

[ray-marisha]

Lauren Ambrose as Van Palmer in It Girl (S03E01) and Dislocation (S03E02) YELLOWJACKETS (2021 - present)

[scarrcdgoalie]

i'm at work until tonight so imma try to get some stuff done after. like this if you want me to send you memes while i work ( when i have time lol )

[ava-deb]

TAISSA TURNER & VAN PALMER YELLOWJACKETS | S03E01, "It Girl"

[yellowjacketsnetwork]

"Oh, what the fuck? Come on, man..."

[jackietaylorsghost]

YELLOWJACKETS: 101. Pilot ➙ 208. It Chooses

[perfectionreached]

she hadn't felt so present in her own body in months. yet, finding the love of her life laying lifeless on the ground causes a shock that moves throughout her whole body. taissa could have done more, she should have. she knows she tried - the worst parts of her had. now she has nothing to show for it.

tears flow as she speaks, head bowing to hold the woman in front of her closer. they weren't supposed to go out like this. how many times had van almost died? it almost became a joke between them, that they would live forever. but that just wasn't her reality anymore. taissa could never accept that.

the feeling of a hand on her shoulder causes a slight jump, assuming at first that it's shauna. but deep down she knows it's not - her old friend was probably thinking of the best way to run after melissa. god, she regretted leaving that hospital. none of this would have --- the voice snaps her out of her thoughts, head turning to look at the source.

it was a face she hadn't seen in decades. the very one that she'd fallen in love with all of those years ago at school. taissa can hardly get any words out, tears clouding her vision to the point where she thinks she's just seeing things. none of this was real. but then she slowly places the body of the elder version of van down, turning completely to face the other. "i'm not." she manages to croak out. "i'm not gonna be fine."

taissa's stubbornness was always a constant, but admitting that she wasn't okay was something she only ever afforded van. there was so many sides to her that only they saw and now... who could she be herself around to this degree? "i need you to come back...i just...i can't do this. not without you."

[scarrcdgoalie]

      SUPPLICATION    CARESSES    DELICATE    EARDRUMS    ;    the extreme need to wrap arms around lithe frame & comfort the one sobbing    –    to wipe away the tears that they had caused    –    it pains them.    more than any scar    ,    more than any cut or wound    ;    more than the very feeling of drowning in their own blood.    no.    none of it compared to the deep seated anguish that hit them so easily now.

      they weren’t done.

      & yet    ,    death had once again visited & finally dragged them where they knew they’d belonged for so long    ;    since before the cancer    ,    before the wolves    –    that damned fucking plane crash.    they’d meant to die in that fire    –    & still the universe    –    IT didn’t allow them.    they should be grateful for the extension into livelihood    .    .    .    then why did it all hurt so much    ?

      what was the point of giving them e v e r y t h i n g they ever wanted    –    only to rip it all away.

      a rare softness crawls to the scarred features    ,    intricate digits gently brushing over the soft    ,    alive skin of the other’s cheek    ;    thumb attempts to paint the tears away.    ❛    c’mon    ,    tai.    y’know that’s not how this works    –    not this time.    ❜

      not this time    .    .    .

      ❛    guess you were right    –    back then.    this wasn’t gonna last.    don’t worry though    ,    plenty of other pretty girls out there.    ❜    ghostly fingers slowly begin to pull away    –    knowing this would just prolong her pain.    the teasing feels    .    .    .    strained    ,    so does the smile.    ❛    you don’t need me anymore.    trust me.    ❜

[scarrcdgoalie]

SECRETS WERE A PERSON’S BEST FRIEND     ;     in this case     ,     quite literally.     goalie trudged along the path to their secret spot     ,     hidden deep in the woods to keep them out of sight.     it wasn’t that the young teenager was ashamed of the dear friend     ;     but it certainly helped to keep home life     ,     per say     ,     & work life balance.     they just didn’t have as much time as they used to.     even at school they would wave & keep polite interaction     ,     even offering up a smile every time they ran into each other.     but the soccer team had taken up far too much of their time     ,     practice going far too long most days     ,     exhaustion hitting the others.     something about them needing to make it to nationals     ,     which meant that van had not nearly enough time to actually do things they enjoyed.     prime example     –    

❛     wally     !     ❜     excitement laced features     ,     smile broadening easily as they jogged up to their best friend.     the other truly was a blessing     –     having always been there through mother’s tantrums & drunken stupors.     ❛     last night’s     ?     ❜     no.     they’d been with tai last night     ,     a conversation they’d definitely need to tell wally about.     ❛     didn’t get a chance.     but we can watch it tonight     !     ❜     it wasn’t the first time they’d invited themselves over     ,     & it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

❛     haven’t gotten a break all week.     coach wasn’t too happy with how practice went     –     fuckin’ yelled at us for another hour.     ❜     they groaned heavily     ,     before grinning at their friend.     ❛     whatcha get     ?     ❜

[seatizen]

❛ we should make saturdays our official x-files nights , ❜ he suggested. his mother had recently started attending a support group on saturday evenings. while she was away , she left him some pizza money so he take care of his dinner. van & pizza with mulder & scully while his mother wasn’t around ? saturday nights couldn’t get any better , it was a fleeting freedom he often craved , but lacked. although , he couldn’t really complain… she cared about him , just a little too much at times. ❛ i’ll tape it on fridays , but won’t watch it until you can stop by. sound good ? ❜

a frown settled on his brow as their friend explained the coach’s tongue-lashing. ❛ wait , he screamed at you for a whole hour ? jeez… coach martinez needs to take a chill pill ! ❜ the man seemed to have a foul attitude when he was upset that often made him wonder whether he was the same at home or if that was just his coach persona.

❛ you won’t believe it. drumroll , please… ❜ he almost squealed as he dug through his backpack. ❛ ta-da ! ❜ eyes seemed to sparkle as he revealed a copy of the x-files #1 issue. ❛ i finally found it ! ❜ he had missed the first issue and had been looking for it for nearly a year. ❛ and , yes , you may borrow it ! ❜

[avadaniels]

LIV HEWSON as VAN PALMER YELLOWJACKETS 2x08 “It Chooses”

[scarrcdgoalie]

      YOU    ALWAYS    HAVE    .    .    .    there’s silence    ,    aside from the choking that’s slowly dying out.    it’s too late.    iron fills lungs    ,    substituting the air that no longer passes through.    it’s hard to breathe.    it’s hard to see.    she’s the last thing there before the darkness ecompasses them    ,    bringing them into that dreaded plane.

      ❛    i’m not done.    ❜    come the sharp hiss of the elder one    ,    glaring at their younger self.    ❛    i need to see her.    one last time.    ❜

      ❛    do you believe in ghost stories    ?    ❜    comes the absent reply of the younger one.    hues are glued to the television    ,    watching as the light drains from their once joyful eyes.    it’s better this way.    no more suffering.    then @perfectionreached's voice hits    ,    & even the younger chokes up.

      ❛    all i want is to save you.    ❜

      their throats are raw    ,    the anger beginning to settle at the unfairness of it all.    after everything they’d been through    ? !    this was how it ended    ?

      the plane is gone in a flash    ,    the younger version of the goalie standing beside the woman they loved for so long.    soft hand settles on tai’s shoulder.    it’s too soon for her.    they can’t drag her down with them.    not yet.    eventually.    it would be her turn.

      ❛    you’re gonna be fine.    ❜    words break the silence    ,    though no lips move.    not of the living anyway.    ❛    who ever needed your saving anyway    ?    ❜    they tease with a final squeeze    ,    smile softly lifting to lips.

[liveshauntedmoved]

Oh, so cute, so revival, so aloneBirthday suit, just a smile, no one home Same as youSame as you No return, no return, no reason

YELLOWJACKETS ROLEPLAY BLOGS!

… 'Cause I'm just a girl, oh, little old me Well, don't let me out of your sightOh, I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite So don't let me have any rights

[memesfrommontmartre]

TIDAL

starters taken from lyrics from the album tidal by fiona apple.

i tell you how i feel, but you don't care.

full is not heavy as empty.

what a cruel thing to pretend.

give me your absence tonight.

what i need is a good defense.

you can't intimidate me back into your arms.

does that scare you?

i say tell me the truth, but you don't dare.

take all of your sympathy and leave it outside.

i've got a lot to lose and i'm betting high.

you'll never feel the heat of this soul.

your gaze is dangerous.

heaven help me for the way i am.

what's gone is gone, and you can't bring it back around.

days like this, i don't know what to do with myself.

you'll never see the courage i know.

gonna win you over, slow like honey.

i've been careless with a delicate man.

i'll let you win, but you must make the endeavor.

'never' is a promise.

'never' is a promise, and you can't afford to lie.

you say love is a hell you cannot bear.

i'll let you run away.

i don't wanna talk 'cause there's nothing left to say.

you'll say 'don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems.'

i wanna be ready for what you do.

i'm building memories on things we have not said.

i don't go to sleep to dream.

before it ends, just tell me where to begin.

it was my aim to get caught.

you got your head in the clouds.

you'll say you understand, but you don't understand.

don't bother leaving the light on.

i've come to you 'cause i need guidance.

you set my soul at ease.

you can't illuminate what time has anchored down.

i'll be sure to stay wary of you.

i've got to cleanse myself of all these lies.

i've got to cleanse myself of all these lies until i'm good enough for them.

i'll never glow the way that you glow.

i suddenly feel like a different person.

you're not at all what you seem.

there's too much going on.

it's a sad world, when a girl will break a boy just because she can.

it's my big secret.

you'll say i need appeasing when i start to cry.

don't forget what i told you.

my fever burns me deeper than i've ever shown to you.

if i let you get too close, you'll set your spell on me.

i'm finally growing weary of waiting.

there's no kind of loving that can make this alright.

i've gone away.

they're all i ever knew of love.

i've got my own hell to raise.

i have never been so insulted in all my life.

don't make it a big deal.

the child is gone.

your presence dominates the judgements made on you.

i just wanted you.

save me from these evil deeds before i get them done.

they find a home in me.

my feel for you is decaying in front of me.

don't be so sensitive.

i've done wrong and i want to suffer for my sins.

it's calm under the waves.

you'll remember me.

we're not playing a game anymore.

won't do no good asking no questions.

you'll never live this life that i live.

you bring me to my knees.

help me out of this mess.

you don't have to be so defensive.

i understand what i am still too proud to mention to you.

is that why they call me sullen?

i just don't know where i can begin.

i don't know what to believe in.

all i want is to save you.

all i want is to save you, or the strength to walk away.

i'll haunt the world inside you.

don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain.

i'm trying to find a place i belong.

what misfortune sows, they know my touch will reap.

don't you tell me to deny it.

i don't know when you're gonna make your move.

i'm a stranger to myself.

heaven cannot wait forever.

the space between us is as boundless as the dark.

you don't know who i am.

i keep living this day like the next will never come.

don't even show me your face.