Lithely Ambiguity

"Scar tissue smiling for the best" Collection of works by: Brendan King

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Impressions

I am wrapped up in my blankets,

         wishing I were wrapped up in you.

I am cold,

         wishing for your gentle breathing on my neck.

The touch of warmth I get from the scent you left dancing on my pillow case

Or the impression you left on my mattress 

Or the impression you left on my heart

Or how you haunt my dreams beautifully

Maybe if these things decide to surround me, tonight I will sleep with you next to me

Or at least I will dream enough to believe you are

Maybe I will sleep well tonight

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How To: Say I Miss You

Come home,

     these lips need kissing.

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The Heart Grips More Firmly Than Any Hand

Even when you've given up on yourself, I haven't.

Even when you've given up on us, I haven't. 

Even when you've given up on your dreams, I haven't.

Even when you've given up on life, know I'll be the one to throw my body to the ground and pull you back over the edge.

Even when my grip fails, I'll be the one to fall with you. 

Even when you're falling toward death, you won't be alone.

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Distress

A whiskey goodnight Frozen in beams of moonlight from the window blinds Could you learn to be here

Looking for an excuse to weep I still have you in my system As much distress as I have given Selfishness rules me

A piece of you is tied by red string To every piece of my life Reminding me you rule my mind

I am sore for your touch I am worn by your absence I am still here by your love

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Lithely Ambiguity

Amorous fidelity splits the lines in my forehead My spine learns to alleviate pain  From having lifted barren memories for years

I have a knack for adaption An apt absolution for “what if” As droves of brilliance flood my brain

I miss my bed

And as badly as I want you in it I don’t know if you’re in it  Participation has a gray reputation  Desultory intentions lie in rivets  I don’t want to miss it

I miss my bed

To appease my head  From the crushing weight of dread I’ll clutch the floor  As your ethereal ghost dances on my dreams

Lithely ambiguity Sets passion on my lips

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Dispell

I’m a nut case A real class act As much shit as He gets  God saved my life

I found Jesus on a mountain top throwing grace in the face of headlines dispelling His existence But I’ve felt that way too and now I know I’ve got something in common with the big man upstairs To be unwanted  Pushed away Written off When all you want is to be loved

I don’t believe some explosion in space caused mountains, coke cans, and humanism I believe that despite socio-economic difference  Color of skin  Or strings of past regrets  Everyone deserves love

Who gives a shit if someone thinks differently than you? Get over it. If we’d spend half as much time on ourselves as we do trying to change others this world would be a much better place

But I’m just a face full of smoke and damaged goods Trying to find love in the place it comes from

Find yourself Tripping over decisions Stubbing your toe on theological debate  And the politics of hate  From the beginning to the end Trapped by sin  But knowing God doesn’t care about the shit I did I’m not good enough for myself  I’m good enough for him

Fear fell through the floor  I was scared to death I had nothing to hang onto anymore  I loathe  I speak hate But I have a dream  To be a better man  To raise a family  To love unapologetically And give a kid a better chance than I had To be a better dad and husband than my father

I’m a nut case A real class act As much shit as He gets  God saved my life

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Home

Kaleidoscopic allure Leaving curled smoke-tails to follow Into a bed of white daisies we fell

And when I said “I love you” I meant it

Stay close

Writing plans in cursive on your back  To steal you away So, I’ll be the only one to watch those colors dance in your eyes

Don’t forget me when you leave  Don’t forget me when you leave

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Orison

No need to perpetuate harm

I have had my fair share

Needles in my bones 

From fingers in my hair

I looked as hard as I could and I just couldn’t

Find a single fucking thing wrong with you

So I went on in the only way I knew how to 

To love you, regardless of the fact that you’re you.

Perfection didn’t descend on me like the night after day

Nor did beauty let me think I ever had my way

So if I can’t produce the words out of a vocabulary that shrinks when you look at me

And if I can’t comfort you when you lose to self-pity

Know that I will do what I always promised to:

To love you, regardless of the fact that you’re you.

If I told you I would be there, better fucking believe I will be.

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Retrospect

As hard as they tried

It didn’t set in

To see past the hell in life for some better end

And if I told you not to touch me

Would you still try

Because sometimes the only way I know how to ask for attention is to deny it

Look hard into these hands

Read the stories they tell

I can’t flip those pages anymore

All I find is hell

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Downside

Recovered in the pain of my suffering One chapter descends  Another begins With a pursuit of nobility  That befits a tragedy

I recognize pain as a gift  A reminder that I have lived

I won’t easily leave the past forgotten And forsake what I’ve learned by Black eyes Bruised thighs  Burnt lips Bad trips

I recognize pain as a gift  A reminder that I have lived

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Lowest Regard

A rusty tree rooted in metallic misery.  Dormant, scar tissue smiling for the best. Fucked. A lithely prancer underneath a predator.

Stab and retract. My heart won’t walk again, my mind threw itself off the highest ledge of my regret.

Ripped from one extreme to the other as I realize the lies. You walk free, head held dumb. Hypocrisy seeping out of your jacket pocket, some stains aren’t easily parted with.

If I could fashion these words into a blade and let them cut you as badly as you fucked me, I would still be broken; you’d look beautifully disastrous on this floor with me.

You’re not a god damned-worthless-sleazy-heart rape; but you look like one more than I feel like one.

Fix your traitorous hair Making my fingers believe they belonged in it

Repair your sun-filled stare Making me eyes believe it loved me

Revert to a crawl Making me think you’d walk with me

Put a muzzle on your dick It’s clear it’s all you think with

You’re more damaged than you’ve broken me.

Thanks for the bullshit, it’s set me free from mouth-pretty futures with heads full of shit.