Hi! My name is Jay, an avid enjoyer of Schlatt and other content creators! At the moment, I mainly write for Schlatt, but I am open to writing for other creators, such as Ted Nivison and Charlie Slimecicle!
Feel free to make a request for anything! My inbox is currently open!
Unless otherwise stated, my posts are written from the perspective of an AFAB reader, but I am willing to do other perspectives if requested!
Masterlist:
Skyfall (DSMP!Schlatt) - Part One, Part Two, Part Three
Chuckle Diner - Prologue, Chapter One
"Hey Toots!" - Part One
Shy Schlatt - First Time Meeting (HC)
Under the Desk - Schlatt Smut (NSFW!)
Babysitters Club - Babysitter Schlatt (HC)
Classroom Dad - Schlatt x Elementary Teacher!Reader (HC)
Yuck! - Schlatt x Reader - Part 1, Part 1.5 (NSFW!), Part 2, Part 3
Pretty Momma - Schlatt x Female!Reader (NSFW!)
Struck by the Arrow - Schlatt x Reader - Part 1
Swing, Batter Batter - Pro Baseball!Schlatt
So Hot You're Hurting My Feelings - Schlatt x Reader
thank you anon for asking! i actually meant to post something about it yesterday but didn’t get the chance to with things going on irl, but ultimately i decided to shut the server down and restart it again.
why? i think we need and deserve a fresh start, and like a proper put-together server. it was fun as is, but when there’s no structure, things can get a out of hand quickly, and it needed to be fixed sooner rather than later.
keep an eye out! I hope to be posting the new link some time either today or tomorrow, depending on how busy i get with work and other irl stuff! much love everyone! 🫶🏻
So Hot You're Hurting My Feelings - Schlatt x Reader
now listening: so hot you’re hurting my feelings - caroline polachek 0:01❍─────── 3:03 ↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
Ping!
You groaned, picking your phone off the vanity in front of you to see who was bothering you now…it was a photo of Schlatt and his buddies in LA he posted to his close friend's story on Instagram. He had been out there for the last few days, filming content with his creator friends, leaving you alone, just you and your thoughts, in New York.
You two weren’t anything official, just two good friends who met at a bar one night, hit it off, and stuck around one another. Slowly, over time, you had grown to have stronger feelings for him than you thought was ever possible—his good looks coupled with his sharp personality drew you in, and once you realized how soft and sweet he could be behind closed doors, your fate was sealed. He, however, never showed a growing interest in you, whenever he would text and ask you to come over, he may have made one or two comments about how nice you looked, but it was nothing more than friendly conversation, which annoyed the hell out of you. You were planning on bringing it up to him, but he dropped a bomb on you that he was leaving New York for almost a month.
“Wait, what?” You said, not quite sure you were hearing him right…the Schlatt you knew would never travel for that long.
“Yeah, just so happened I could connect a flight from L.A. to Kyoto, so after my two weeks of filming in L.A., I decided to take a flight over to Japan. I always take a trip over there, at least once or twice a year.” He said with a smile, acting as if these plans were straightforward and simple to understand. You blinked at him, somewhat in disbelief.
“And you’re staying in Japan for how long?”
“Haven’t decided yet…probably 2 or 3 weeks? Maybe more.”
“What do you mean you haven’t decided?” You asked, your voice growing in volume…how could he leave you here for so long? He shrugged before replying.
“I dunno…figured I’d book a flight home when I’m out there, when it feels right to come home. It’s not like I can’t do my job in Japan, you know.” He said with a dry laugh, looking at your shocked expression rather confused… “Why?”
You sighed, dropping your head slightly.
“No reason, Schlatt. Just curious. Hope you enjoy yourself, for most people those kinds of trips are once in a lifetime!” You said, putting on a fake smile, half listening as he continued to talk, going over his itinerary for both of his trips, who he’d be with, why he was going…it didn’t matter to you. You were too busy being caught up in your feelings for him, wondering how you were going to survive that long without him in New York.
Now, here you were, preparing yourself for a dreaded night out with people you hadn’t talked to since high school, to a crowded bar or something in the city that you didn’t even like. And there he was, enjoying himself and his company in Los Angeles, without you. He probably didn’t even notice your absence, or the fact that you weren’t there, and were instead enjoying yourself in New York without him. You let out a groan, sending his story a quick like before putting your phone down, the knot in your stomach growing ever so slightly.
You couldn’t help yourself from feeling a bittersweet sense of pride, seeing Schlatt go out and do these things you know he’s been wanting to do and achieve was so fulfilling, even for you as a support for him. The other side of the blade, though, was the fact that the bigger and the more involved he got in this lifestyle, the increased amount of time he’d be away from you. You wanted him to soar, reach the levels of success he truly deserved for how much time and effort he was putting into his various channels and business ventures, but your heart felt empty every time he had to leave.
He had never left for so long before in the time that you knew him. He’d taken the week-long trip to Los Angeles or back to Austin every once in a while over the last year that you knew him, and your heart was just learning how to handle that. Going from simple weeks of distant contact to fully thrown into over a month without him…it nearly sent your body into shock. You spent the first whole week he was gone contemplating whether or not you’d look clingy by texting him once a day to check in and see how his trip was going—spoiler alert, you got too paranoid and only texted him twice, though, he did FaceTime you after you texted, because he thought it was easier to tell you of all his daily adventures over a call rather than sit there and type it all out.
Placing your phone down, you looked back into your vanity mirror…since when did you look so horrible? The bags under your eyes had more flight miles racked up than you did, and the frown lines in between your brows were more prominent than ever. Rubbing your hands over your face, you decided to say fuck it, get yourself all dolled up, and to try your hardest to have a good night out. Was it going to be hard to get your mind to stop traveling to thoughts of Schlatt? Absolutely. However…were you willing to try and let go for once to have some well-needed fun? Absolutely! Your mind was made—you picked up one of your makeup brushes and began to go to work, doing whatever it would take for you to look relatively presentable and like you were at least getting the proper sleep you needed.
After what felt like forever, you finally finished putting yourself together and met up with your friends in the city. It was some overcrowded, musty night club in the Lower East Side that reeked of Axe and cigarettes, the fog inside making you practically choke every so often. You tried to be involved with the group you came with, downing drinks and shots left and right, going out on the overly crowded dance floor…nothing could take your mind off of Schlatt. One of the girls with your group, Emma, noticed your silence and approached you, concern in her eyes.
“(Y/N)...what’s going on? You love these outings!” She screamed over the blaring DJ who wasn’t reading the room–no one wanted to listen to swing jazz, they were in the mood for party anthems. You recognized Emma…one of the girls who used to frequent the same parties when you were in high school, not talking much outside of them, but you do remember her as being one of the only girls willing to hold your hair back when you were pulling trig in the bushes to keep rallying. Smiling softly at her, you shrugged.
“I’m alright…just distracted, I guess. Need more shots I think.” She winced at your words, not liking that plan…apparently she also remembered having to hold your hair back a few times.
“I know we’re not close or whatever, but if you need an open ear, I’m your girl!” She said, giggling, as she nodded towards you. Humming, you contemplated it…if you were sober, there was no way in hell you were telling his random girl what was going on with you and Schlatt, especially all the embarrassing details that didn’t hide just how one sided this was. In your drunken state, though, you couldn’t hold back, needing a person to just be a listening ear to all of your woes, your words spilling out of your mouth like vomit. Emma, however, was engaged, one of her favorite pastimes being listening to other people’s troubles and figuring out solutions (that probably wouldn’t work most of the time).
“Damn, that’s a fucking predicament.” She said with a huff, leaning in towards you. You nodded, a groan escaping your lips.
“It just sucks! He’s so hot, and he keeps posting these photos to his story with all of his friends out in L.A….it’s like he’s taunting me with his looks! The fact that I can’t see him with my own two eyes right now…it’s driving me crazy!”
“Woah…you’re in a lot deeper than I thought…” She whispered, her eyes scanning the nightclub as she thought, her eyes making their way back to you widened…she had an idea.
“I got it! Let’s go to the bathroom…need to make you hotter!” She said, grabbing your hand as she pulled you into the nearest restroom in a panic. Once inside, she adjusted your outfit so your best features were on display, moving to fix your makeup next to make sure you didn’t look like you were too miserable all night long.
“Perfect…let’s find everyone else!” She squealed, clapping her hands together, proud of her execution…she didn’t do too terribly—looking in the mirror, you were half impressed with just how good you actually looked. She grabbed your hand, dragging you back out to the dancefloor, finding some of the people you had come with, gathering them around.
“Give me your phone.” She whispered to you, holding out her hand.
“What?”
“What are you deaf? I said give me your phone! Trust me!” She gave you pleading eyes, and you were drunk enough that you didn’t care as much. You reluctantly gave her your phone, unlocking it. She opened Instagram, sliding over to create a story, calling everyone around. She made sure you were towards the front, and most of your body was in view of the camera. As she made sure everyone was in frame, she looked at you with a soft smile.
“Make it look like you’re enjoying yourself, at least, okay?” She said softly, before looking at everyone else, “Okay…smile!”
The group made their best pose as she snapped a photo, handing you your phone back. You were relatively impressed, it actually looked like you were enjoying yourself on a night out. Turning to her, you showed her an impressed smile.
“Damn, Emma…that’s actually really good. Should I post it as is?” She hummed, thinking with a smile.
“Put an emoji on it…something stupid like the dancing lady, or like a disco ball or something! Pair it with a heart or something similar…he’ll slide up in no time.”
You looked at her dumbfounded.
“What? Seriously? A disco ball and a heart? That will do?” She smirked, nodding her head.
“Trust me…men are simple creatures. If he doesn’t swipe up, then…something’s up.” You sighed, turning back to your phone, scrolling through the emojis. Typing out a disco ball and a light blue heart, your finger hovered over the ‘post stories’ button before she stopped you.
“Wait! Is he in your close friend's story?” She asked, grabbing your arm almost as if she was stopping you from making a mistake. You nodded, confused at what she was on about.
“Post it there. He’ll be more likely to reply if he notices it’s a close friend’s story! The idea of being in a private circle is alluring, he’ll want to reply!” She sounded confident, and that’s all you needed in the moment. Pressing send, you sighed, looking up at her.
“Now I need some liquor…” She smiled, nodding, dragging you to the bar for your 5th, maybe 6th shot of the night.
On the other side of the country, Schlatt’s phone buzzed. He was in the middle of wrapping up a filming session with his friends Charlie and Ted, so he ignored the buzzing. The filming session went on for what felt like another few hours, and in the back of his mind, Schlatt couldn’t help himself from thinking of you.
He saw you viewed his close friends story, a simple picture of him and his two friends out to lunch together earlier….but you didn’t text him to see how his day was going, or if he was readying himself for the Japan leg of his trip, since he knew you’d remember that he was heading to LAX to go to Kyoto tomorrow.
You always remembered the little things—it was one of the things Schlatt admired about you. One time, in a late night discussion, he had mentioned his love of a certain album, and how he stopped listening to a particular artist because it made him depressed if he listened too much. The next time Schlatt came to your place, he noticed the album he had mentioned by name was now on display by your record player stand, and when you shuffle your playlist for him, the songs he had mentioned by a certain artist were now gone, disappeared. He didn’t mention those things with hopes you would change the things you did around him—he was simply opening himself up to you— but you still remembered the things he said, and made sure he was comfortable and cared for when he was around you. He could never forget the way you made him feel inside, and this trip was slowly killing his spirit, despite the amount of fun he was having with his friends exploring places and making content. Everyday was a fight within him to not send you too many text messages, as he didn’t want to seem like he was only ever thinking about you…even though, as of late, that had become the truth.
Ted picked up on how quiet he had gone towards the end of filming, a part of him assuming Schlatt had just hit his social wall, and that content creation had to end for the day, but another part of him was sure that there was something more to the look behind Schlatt’s eyes. He quietly approached him, clearing his throat.
“Hey, man…everything alright? You’re quiet.” Schlatt huffed, looking slightly up at him as he nodded.
“Yeah, ‘m alright. Just thinkin’...” He said, his voice trailed off. Ted stood, raising an eyebrow at Schlatt as he watched him, his silence speaking for itself—if you want to talk, I’m here to listen. Schlatt sighed, leaning back on the couch…maybe Ted would have some words of advice.
Schlatt rambled and ranted on for what felt like only a few minutes, but was probably more like an hour or two, as Ted, and eventually Charlie, too, sat in silence, taking it all in.
“Sounds like you like them, man.” Ted said nonchalantly, leaning back in his armchair. Charlie nodded, silently agreeing, causing Schlatt to huff, rolling his eyes.
“No fuckin’ shit, Sherlock…I don’t know what the fuck t’do ‘bout it, though.” Ted and Charlie shared a look, before looking back at him.
“Why?” Charlie asked sincerely, causing Schlatt to let out yet another groan, sliding down in his position on the couch, his hands covering his face.
“It’s…it’s not that simple.” The two other men in the room lightly laughed, not understanding Schlatt’s dilemma.
“I’m not sure if we’re even on the same page…yeah, they remember every little thing about me, and goes out of their way to make sure I’m happy…but what if they’re doing that as a friend!” The two other men exchanged another look, before bursting out into laughter at Schlatt’s expense, leaving him somewhat stunned and confused.
“Dude, you’re a lost cause. Just text them! Say something!” Ted said, signalling for him to check his phone. He sighed…at this point, he supposed he had nothing to lose—worst comes to worst, you wouldn’t reply, and he could forget about it all by spending as much time in Japan as possible without cutting into his work flow. Opening his phone, he saw two Instagram notifications…you had double posted to your Instagram story. He hummed…that wasn’t normal for you. Upon opening the first story, he was left speechless at the photo—you looked as stunning as ever, and he couldn’t peel his eyes off of you. He didn’t take note of the stupid (cute) emojis you had put on the post, or the other people you were with…his sole focus was on you. He went to send the story a like, but instead tapped forward. He saw you singing along to something, turning up the volume on your story…
“I’m going back to 505! If it’s a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive!” You drunkenly belted with one of your friends…his breath hitched in the back of his throat.
“Huh…they’re an Arctic Monkeys fan, huh?” Ted said, leaning over Schlatt’s shoulder, looking at your story. Charlie peered over too, nodding.
“Damn, man…I see why you like her.”
All their comments were like static white noise in the back of his mind, nothing else mattered to him in the moment.
“505…that’s our song.” He said softly, watching as the story moved forward to the next one in the carousel. You were telling him you were thinking of him without even saying it.
Back in the Lower East Side, Emma and yourself were tucked in a back corner, way too many Long Islands deep, stalking your story posts like hunters watching their prey. 505 still played on in the background behind you, your stomach in knots at the sound of the lyrics.
“Woah…who is this?” You asked, looking up at Schlatt as a song played lightly in the background. He hummed, looking up from his phone at you.
“It’s an Arctic Monkeys song…have you never heard of them?”
“Huh…I don’t think I have.” Schlatts eyes widened at your comment, leaning forward in his seat.
“What?”
“...what?” You asked innocently, not aware it was such a bad thing.
“Oh, you’re in for a real treat. This is 505…after this, we’re listening to their best album, Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino.” He replied, quickly queuing up the music on his phone…you laughed, watching him in admiration.
“This song…it’s good. I like it a lot.” He gave you a warm smile, nodding.
From that moment on, every time you two hung out together, 505 played at some given time, deeming it your song.
You slid up on your recent post, the one Emma was sure Schlatt would reply to…you gasped. Emma’s attention was brought back to you.
“What?!?”
“...he saw it.” She smiled wide, her eyes as large as saucers. She was excited for you already, her mind racing at all the possibilities he could've slid up with.
“Oh my god! What did he say?”
You slumped back against the wall, the seconds feeling like hours as they passed. Emma’s face fell as she put down her drink on the windowsill next to you, gently grabbing your shoulders. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill at any moment.
(I’m leaving the child’s gender gn bc I played on a co-ed little league team 🤷🏻♀️ could also be gn reader, but it will have gendered language)
You’d had your child when you were young (like 18/19) and when your child turned 5, you decided it was time to get them involved in extracurriculars
You were not super knowledgeable about the rules and positions of baseball but figured you would learn along with your child
The first two “practices” were essentially just meetings, going over what gear you should buy and the ins and outs of how the team would work
On the first real day of practice, you sat in the stands of a local sports park, anxiously watching as your child walked up to home plate and took a few swings
After adjusting to holding the bat, one of the coaches gives them a high five, and sends them to the bench for the next kid to go to bat
This continued until all of the kids had gone and the process started over
The other parents had been completely engrossed in conversations with one another except for you
You feared this might have been because of how young you looked. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you got up from your spot on the bench and decided to stand by the dugout, asking your child what they wanted for dinner as a distraction. You’d stand there until practice was over
Just as you were getting ready for the walk back to your car, one of the coaches, the one you recognized helping the kids with their swings, introduced himself to you
You exchanged pleasantries, taking advantage of the moment to ask any questions you had in regard to both the team and the sport
The conversation flowed smoothly and you felt relieved that if you were being ostracized by the parents, at least you could talk to this coach, Mr. Schlatt
You said your goodbyes and headed back to the car, your child excitedly chanting about dinner and telling you about the new friends they made
The next week had started about the same, comfortably sticking to yourself once the kids had made it on the diamond, playing in the grass while waiting for the coaches
You decided to pull out your phone, quickly checking social media and clearing notifications as you waited
“You came back! Happy to see you, Ms (L/N),” the voice of Mr. Schlatt pulled you back to reality
“Oh! Sorry. Of course we’re back, (C/N) really enjoyed it and we plan on sticking this through!” You smiled, the gesture being reciprocated by the young coach. The longer you held eye contact, you couldn’t help but think that he was fairly attractive, causing a slight blush to crawl up your cheeks and ears
“Well, if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask away,” he replied, making his way onto the diamond
This practice ran a little longer than the last, you believed it to be because the kids were actually starting to play the sport. You watched your child at bat, then successfully run to first base
The next few practices were roughly the same, a handful of parents withdrawing from the program over time. Not enough to make a difference, though
Over time, the kids slowly worked on their skills and knowledge of the game. However, as the kids were improving, the situation parents was not. They would gossip and laugh with each other while you would attempt to block it out, focusing on the game
The scene before you brought a smile to your face, hoping that this would be a memorable experience for your child, something that might help define their childhood and your parenting
You starting daydreaming about their future, how well they would do in school, the kind of friends they’d make, while also pondering what you could do as their parent to do better for them. You wanted nothing more than for them to flourish where you had not been able to. You wanted to be the mother you wished to have had
“…or am I just that sexy?” A voice brought you out of your trance. “What?!?” You choked. Mr. Schlatt let out a light chuckle, before repeating his previous sentence
“I said, ‘Are y’ having a nice daydream, or am I just that sexy?’
summary: after schlatt's audio, you had to make it known you had discovered it. all goes well and you think you finally have the upper hand, until you log back onto soundgasm to see a surprise waiting for you.
— tags: smut, lunch club!schlatt, mutual masturbation.. technically?, schlatt does porn (duh), dirty talk, degradation and light praise, open ending.. again
authors note: happy valentines my loves!! wanted to treat you with a longer post and hoped to get this out for the 14th for you all (it's still the 14th for me, so!) whether you celebrated it with someone or not, you've got some pornstar!schlatt to help you with the day. once again, credit to @fanficfox who started this lovely idea.♡
schlatt had finally came back to streaming, after a few days off
and you were going to take tonight as your chance to get him back in this game of cat and mouse you had been playing
you lurked in chat for a while, letting the stream run by as normal. you wanted to wait a little, before inevitably pouncing your prey
and so when he had mentioned a bathroom break, you decided it was your time to strike
you got your donation amount and message ready for him returning, your index finger hovering over your mouse. you wanted to get the donation in as soon as possible, before others started to do the same
you heard the clambering of schlatt almost falling into his room, drawing your attention back to the screen as he sat back on his chair, announcing his return
your finger hit the donation button instantly, and now you just had to wait for the payment to confirm, and for tts to pick up your message
it took a minute, but finally the tts bot spoke up and announced your message
"i can't believe i was soaked a few nights ago, and it was all your fault. tsk tsk, big guy."
schlatts face contorts into one of shock, face turning to his other monitor as he tried to catch who sent the donation
as soon as he saw your name he felt a shiver go through his spine
but he changed his facial expression to one of disgust, shaking his head and murmuring a "what the fuck?" to act like it was just a random thirst comment
but he knew it was more than that, and so did you
chat was on schlatt's side of course, calling out the weirdness of the donation and noticing how uncomfy schlatt had gotten
then another donation pinged through, schlatt's eyes darting to the screen to see if it was from you
and it was
"you made a bet that it was going to rain last stream, and it did."
chat is suddenly spamming OMEGALUL's and KEKW's, laughing at the misconception but still shocked at how the last donation was worded
schlatt swallowed thickly, letting out a heavy sigh as he felt relief. relief from what? he didn't know, but somehow chat not caring made him feel hidden, still
"what, were you thinking of something else? fucking pervs."
the last donation comes through, and chat just continues to laugh. they assume it's at them, and that's what you wanted
but once again, you and schlatt knew it was more than that
schlatt sent somewhat of a glare to the camera, and you felt his dark eyes peering right through you
but you felt a thrill of excitement at the same time, happy to have one-upped him after a few nights ago
however, you really weren't expecting him to get you back so soon
you got into bed later that night and had your phone already loaded onto schlatt's soundgasm page, and that's when you seen it
a new video had been uploaded tonight— desperate little thing
a heat suddenly started to pool in your belly as you read the title, and you clicked on it instantly
your free hand trailed under the covers, nudging your underwear to the side as your middle and index fingers grazed your clit
you press the start button and you're instantly greeted with a dark, low chuckle
"bet you thought you were real clever, huh sweetheart? thought you could try tease me like that and get away with it?"
a whine leaves your throat at his voice, the fact it's condescending and so much lower than you usually hear on stream
you hear a scoff, a creak of the chair before his breath is suddenly hitting the mic
he breathes deeply into the mic for a few moments, his breath hitching occasionally so you can only imagine he's once again stroking himself on the other end
"pathetic fuckin' donation messages, is what they were," he starts, inhaling through his nose before heavily exhaling. "could tell how needy you were. wanted me to see so bad you had to give me your fuckin' cash?"
your fingers toyed with your clit before you rubbed slow circles, moaning softly at his low voice, and how he was insulting you
"bet you're already touching yourself, huh? like a filthy fuckin' slut, all because im talkin' down on you," he chuckles dryly, before groaning lowly. "just pathetic. can't keep your hands off yourself when you see me. so- fuck.. so desperate."
and he was right. you were touching yourself, getting even wetter as he spoke down on you, as if you were nothing
if his words were so wrong and mean, why was it making you feel so good?
a sweet moan drops from his lips, and you can hear the wet sounds as he jerks himself off. "but don't you worry, sweetheart. i like my sluts desperate."
and something about that line drove you wild. you felt your face grow hot at the embarrassing whine you let out as he said it, but it's not as if he was here to hear it anyways
your fingers sped up, stroking the circles faster against your clit as you bucked your hips up into your fingers
anything for the extra friction
the audio continued with schlatt talking you through touching yourself, talking about how he's stroking himself and all the lovely groans, pants and grunts that comes with it
suddenly he stops all movement though, and nothing can be heard
"should i finish, hmm? should i let you hear me cum? beg for me slut, c'mon."
and it's so fucking stupid, and you shouldn't beg for an audio file
and yet..
your fingers are slipping downwards, allowing your thumb to take over the role for rubbing your clit, as the other two fingers now slide inside you
"fuck! please— please schlatt, let me— let me hear it. need to hear you— please."
the words fall from your lips without command, pouring right from your heart as you ache to hear him in return, needing to hear as he hits his climax
you hear a long, slow grunt from the audio causing you to gasp and perk up, fingers continuing their work
"i know you're a good slut f'me, letting everyone know how much you need me. and you love it, don't you? love me putting you in your place, over a fuckin' audio file? pathetic."
schlatt lets out a whine as he pants, a shuddering moan escaping him and you can tell he's cumming, judging by the higher moans and faster movements
"come on, fuckin' listen to me. you better cum now sweetheart, i'm telling you."
and as if his words had some control over you, suddenly your whole body was shaking as the orgasm overtook it, and your slick began to soak your fingers
you worked yourself through the orgasm, slowly but surely working down the pace of your fingers and thumb before you slumped into the bed, chest heaving as you closed your eyes, revelling in schlatt's own heavy breathing
"next time— next time you come to play, remember who owns you sweetheart. i'll see you next time, because i'm hoping you'll come back for more," he starts, before he cuts himself off with a chuckle
"who am i kiddin'? of course you'll come crawling back to me, you always do."
Reader is a math teacher who finds her computer science teacher coworker an asshole. Schlatt finds his algebra/geometry coworker very annoying. What happens when they are forced to be around each other and get along?
You knew you wanted to be a teacher from a very young age. At first you thought you wanted to teach at the elementary level, but you found a love for math. After graduating with a math degree, you accepted a job at a high school in New York. Although you wanted to teach AP Statistics and Calculus, you got a job as the general algebra and geometry. This means that the majority of your classes are full of athletes and kids who do not care about their education.
You watch as a group of baseball boys walk into the classroom. “Josh, Drew, Sawyer did you do your homework?” You ask the boys.
Sawyer grabs a crumpled piece of paper out of his backpack and hands it to you. The other two boys look at you in shock. “We had an away game last night. We weren’t able to complete it,” Drew finally says.
“How did Sawyer get his done, but you two did not?” You ask the boys with a look of disbelief.
“I did mine on the bus.”
“Coach Schlatt told us not to worry about it as focusing on the game is the most important,” Josh tells you.
“I guess I’ll be having a conversation with Coach Schlatt later. Go take a seat, we are learning a new concept,” you tell the boys. You turn around to take a deep breath. Of course, Coach Schlatt, the baseball coach and computer science teacher would tell his players to not do your homework. You both have had an issue with each other since you started working here. All Schlatt cares about is baseball and his players being the best. Which sometimes means that he doesn’t expect them to do your assignments or if they fall asleep in class. He claims that they probably needed the sleep.
At the end of class, you decide to pay Coach Schlatt a visit during your prep time. As you both worked in the math and computer department, you had the same prep period. You knock on his open door and he looks up from his phone. “Ms. (Y/L/N), can I help you?” He asks you.
“Yes I needed to speak with you about a few of your players,” you tell him, walking up to his desk.
“What did they do this time?”
“Well Drew and Josh did not do their homework. Sawyer completed him, but the other two didn’t. They claimed that they weren’t able to because you had a game last night and also you told them it didn’t matter.”
He sighs and looks directly at you. “I told them to focus on the game. But have you read the research that shows that homework isn’t an effective way of teaching?”
You narrow your eyes at him, slightly. “Yes, I have. The only reason they had homework is because they felt my class time was time to play around.”
He nods a bit. “I’ll talk to them. Though you may need to work on your classroom management and also I’m sure they needed your help.”
“Thank you for your time. I’ll leave you alone.” You turn around to walk back to your classroom. “What an asshole,” you mutter under your breath.
You go back to your class to get some work done, hopefully working off your stress. How could someone be so bluntly rude? Did he really insult your teaching and your classroom management? You felt that you did your job well. Your admin seems to think so, but maybe you aren’t.
At lunchtime, you walk into your best friend’s classroom in the fine arts building. Ted or Mr. Nivision is the drama teacher and the two of you quickly became kids. As you have the same lunch period, you eat together every day. You grab your premade lunch from the mini fridge in his room. After you grab it, you slam the door. “Woah what’s wrong with you?”
You put your lunch in the microwave and slam that door too. “Coach Schlatt is what’s wrong! He’s such a douchebag.”
“What did he do this time?” Ted asks, eating his salad.
“He told his players that my homework was not important. When I went to talk to him about it, he brought up research about how homework is unnecessary. Obviously I know that. They only have homework because they refused to do it in my class. I told him that and he insulted my teaching and my classroom management,” you vent to him.
“I’m so glad I don’t teach a core content class. I think I would choke a kid out.” You laugh slightly at him. “That’s stupid of him. He’s usually a pretty good guy, but that was just uncalled for.”
You grab your lunch from the microwave and take a seat beside Ted. “I know he’s your friend or whatever, but he’s an asshole. I don’t know what I did to make him hate me so much.”
Before Ted can say anything, you hear footsteps walking into his room. You look up to see Schlatt walking in. You turn to look at Ted in disbelief. “Oh yeah (Y/N), I forgot to tell you that Schlatt is going to start joining us for lunch.”
“Awesome,” you mutter with a forced smile. “Glad that you are joining us,” are the words that came out. You wanted to tell him to fuck off and choke on his lunch. However, you decide to stay civil and give him your best smile. Hopefully Coach Schlatt will do the same.
A/N: new series!! I am so excited to write some enemies to lovers and teacherxteacher ! I hope you guys enjoy it!! Let me know what you think!!
being a cute supportive girlfriend at schlatts professional baseball games 🙏
OKAY okay this is right up my alley!! For context, although I do fully believe that Schlatt’s ideal team to play for would be the Yankees, they have that really strict facial hair policy. Since this is written from my ✨imagination✨, I think I will let him play for the Yankees, and just have them get rid of their facial hair policy, since I absolutely refuse to think of him as a potential Met. As a lifelong Phillies fan, it hurts me to write about a rival team, but my love for the big guy prevails. Here goes nothing!
_______________________________________
Swing, Batter Batter...
The summer sun burned slightly against your skin as you sat off to the side from the home side dugout at Yankee Stadium. The game was set to start any minute now, and the boys were already on the field, stretching, practicing their swings…you couldn’t help but scan for your favorite player. Unbuttoning the jersey you were wearing to reveal a white tank top, you flapped it slightly to cool yourself off as you locked eyes with the iconic, mutton-chop wearing, right fielder for the New York Yankees...Jay Schlatt. You wore his number, 11, proudly as you watched him stretch his arms across his body with a smirk. He was the best right fielder the team had seen in years, famous for hitting his out-of-the-park homers when he was at bat nearly every game. He had been in a flow ever since he met a certain someone, someone who pushed him and encouraged him to train harder, to play harder, and certainly to smack those balls as hard as he could.
“Hey, toots. Glad you could make it.” His New York accent stated, as he made his way over to your side of the dugout, leaning against the concrete half-wall separating the dugout from the stands, smirking up at you.
“Hey, baby. Good luck out there, play hard, yeah?” You said, smiling down at him. He reached up for your hand, as you bent down to give it to him—he had a superstition that if he didn’t squeeze your hand right before the game started, he wouldn’t hit the homers he needed to during the game. It was just like how he kept a pocket sized photo of you tucked into the brim of his ball cap, taking it off for a quick glance when he felt he needed your support out in right field. Giggling, you squeezed back before you watched as he let go, lightly jogging to the otherside of the dugout to grab his glove before turning back to you, giving you a quick wink before running out to right field.
You kept a close eye on him for the top of the first inning, the visiting team, the Philadelphia Phillies, giving them a run for their money in this first inning straight away. Going into this rivalry game, you knew things were going to be tense, but as you watched Schlatt run and leap towards the wall, trying to grab a Harper-hit ball that could easily be a homer, you held your breath. Watching his body crash into the wall, you prayed he caught it…the stadium was near silent. He popped up off the ground, holding the ball in his glove with a knowing smile, immediately turning towards the players around him to celebrate the catch. The stadium erupted with cheers, your smile growing wider by the second—this was the man you had fallen head over heels for.
The game steadily continued, the tense air in the stadium never leaving, as the two city rivals were neck and neck, with a tied score of 6-6. You ran your fingers through your hair, stressed, watching as Schlatt warmed up in front of your row before going to bat.
“You got this, big guy. C’mon now…bring us a lead!” You cheered, leaning against the railing to make sure he heard you. He practiced one more swing before turning back to you with a smirk.
“Relax, sweetheart. Trust me. I got this.” The player before him struck out for the final time, leaving the bottom of the seventh in his hands. Strike out, and the Yankees would only have two more innings to smash one out of the park and bring this win home. Right now, though, Schlatt could easily guarantee a Yankee victory with wiggle room to blow them out of the water. There was a sparkle of confidence in his eyes, you knew he had exactly a plan.
The Phillies had put in their best pitcher, Zach Wheeler, during the 6th inning, anticipating the Yankee’s slow crash. Schlatt and Wheeler had met many times before, and each time they faced off, Schlatt had homered—nothing seemed to be different this time. You said a silent prayer, your knuckles turning white from how hard you had been gripping at the railing in front of you as you watched Jay saunter cockily over to home plate, dragging his bat in a cross symbol on the dirt before lifting the bat above his shoulder. It felt like time slowed as the pitch clock began to count down, every moment beginning to matter more, and more, and more. You watched in slow motion as Wheeler pitched the ball, a curveball Schlatt hadn’t initially anticipated opening with. Wincing as he swung his bat with gusto, you groaned, hearing the home plate umpire calling a strike.
“C’mon, Jay!” You called out, leaning far over the railing, screaming with all your might to make sure he could hear you, “Swing hard, and knock it out of here! You’ve got it in you!”
He swayed a little, watching Wheeler like a hawk as he heard your calls, nodding as he focused even harder. It was almost like the pitcher could read his mind, as he smirked before finally throwing a pitch just before the clock ran out, a sinker to the right Schlatt hadn’t expected. Thankfully, he hadn’t swung, causing the crowd to cheer a little louder as the umpire called a ball. You sighed, shaking your head.
“Get out of your head, Schlatt!” You yelled, harder than before, “hit the ball home, god damnit!”
Your scream echoed in his mind, he locked in on the ball in front of him. It was as if time had slowed, watching as the ball left the pitcher’s hand, directly in Schlatt’s sweet spot. He began to grin cockily, knowing that this ball was going to go out of the park.
CRACK!
With the snap of a bat, you stood in awe, watching the ball fly past the outfield fence. You watched as your boyfriend began to run the bases, and as he turned the corner of second base, he lifted a hand, pressing it to his lips before throwing it in your direction—his signature thanks to his girl for getting his head in the game. Even though he had done it every single game, it still managed to melt your heart, and make the apples of your cheeks begin to heat with a blush. He winked at you as he neared home plate, before heading into the dugout to give his fellow teammates high fives and celebrations, before making his way towards the side of the dugout you were standing by.
“Couldn’t do it without you, toots.” He hummed, smiling widely up at you. To others, it seemed like the same cocky, confident smile he wore out on the field, but to you it was a smile filled with genuine love and joy. You mirrored his expression, reaching a hand down to him to squeeze, giggling at his sweaty grip.
“Oh, really?”
“Absolutely. If you didn’t take my head out of my ass, there, we’d still be tied up.” He said, sincerely, still only looking at you. Without realizing, the team manager came up behind Schlatt, clasping a hand on his shoulder. Schlatt turned to him, clasped his hand with the manager, before his eyes turned to you.
“I take it you’re Schlatt’s good luck charm, huh?” He said with a laugh, smiling up at you. Bashfully, you nodded your head with a smile.
“Yes, sir. That I am, pleasure to meet you.”
“Say…what’s your name?”
“(Y/N)...”
“Alright, (Y/N)...what’re your plans for next week? We’ve got a few away games we could definitely use your charm for, and I think we’ve got a spare travel ticket.” Manager Boone asked, looking between you and Schlatt with a slight smirk. Schlatt smiled, cocking an eyebrow up as he looked at you, leaving the decision in your hands. He knew that you would do absolutely anything to support him, even if that meant up and leaving your life behind for a week or so to travel with the team and support him.
“Well…lucky for us it’s summer, and I’ve got nothing better to do. It sounds like a plan, thank you.” You hummed, as Boone nodded, walking away and back to his lookout spot from the dugout, watching the next batter head to bat.
“Hear that, good luck charm? You’re going on the road with the big boys.” Schlatt teased, smirking up at you as you rolled your eyes playfully.
“Yeah, yeah, but…I’ll tell you what. If you keep going out there to your at-bats with your head out of your ass and hit a couple more homers tonight, I can guarantee it won’t just be here on the field where I bring you some luck…” You said with a wink, watching as his eyes widened briefly, the tips of his ears turning red before he realized he needed to go out to right field, since the teammate up to bat struck out.
Needless to say, the score by the end of the game was 8 Yankees to 6 Phillies, and Schlatt received all the post-game good luck he could ever need to help carry him through the rest of the season.
i’m glad y’all are liking this because i was a little afraid i made it too baseball heavy and like not enough schlatt fluff 🧎🏻♀️i started yearning for spring training and got lost in the game
being a cute supportive girlfriend at schlatts professional baseball games 🙏
OKAY okay this is right up my alley!! For context, although I do fully believe that Schlatt’s ideal team to play for would be the Yankees, they have that really strict facial hair policy. Since this is written from my ✨imagination✨, I think I will let him play for the Yankees, and just have them get rid of their facial hair policy, since I absolutely refuse to think of him as a potential Met. As a lifelong Phillies fan, it hurts me to write about a rival team, but my love for the big guy prevails. Here goes nothing!
_______________________________________
Swing, Batter Batter...
The summer sun burned slightly against your skin as you sat off to the side from the home side dugout at Yankee Stadium. The game was set to start any minute now, and the boys were already on the field, stretching, practicing their swings…you couldn’t help but scan for your favorite player. Unbuttoning the jersey you were wearing to reveal a white tank top, you flapped it slightly to cool yourself off as you locked eyes with the iconic, mutton-chop wearing, right fielder for the New York Yankees...Jay Schlatt. You wore his number, 11, proudly as you watched him stretch his arms across his body with a smirk. He was the best right fielder the team had seen in years, famous for hitting his out-of-the-park homers when he was at bat nearly every game. He had been in a flow ever since he met a certain someone, someone who pushed him and encouraged him to train harder, to play harder, and certainly to smack those balls as hard as he could.
“Hey, toots. Glad you could make it.” His New York accent stated, as he made his way over to your side of the dugout, leaning against the concrete half-wall separating the dugout from the stands, smirking up at you.
“Hey, baby. Good luck out there, play hard, yeah?” You said, smiling down at him. He reached up for your hand, as you bent down to give it to him—he had a superstition that if he didn’t squeeze your hand right before the game started, he wouldn’t hit the homers he needed to during the game. It was just like how he kept a pocket sized photo of you tucked into the brim of his ball cap, taking it off for a quick glance when he felt he needed your support out in right field. Giggling, you squeezed back before you watched as he let go, lightly jogging to the otherside of the dugout to grab his glove before turning back to you, giving you a quick wink before running out to right field.
You kept a close eye on him for the top of the first inning, the visiting team, the Philadelphia Phillies, giving them a run for their money in this first inning straight away. Going into this rivalry game, you knew things were going to be tense, but as you watched Schlatt run and leap towards the wall, trying to grab a Harper-hit ball that could easily be a homer, you held your breath. Watching his body crash into the wall, you prayed he caught it…the stadium was near silent. He popped up off the ground, holding the ball in his glove with a knowing smile, immediately turning towards the players around him to celebrate the catch. The stadium erupted with cheers, your smile growing wider by the second—this was the man you had fallen head over heels for.
The game steadily continued, the tense air in the stadium never leaving, as the two city rivals were neck and neck, with a tied score of 6-6. You ran your fingers through your hair, stressed, watching as Schlatt warmed up in front of your row before going to bat.
“You got this, big guy. C’mon now…bring us a lead!” You cheered, leaning against the railing to make sure he heard you. He practiced one more swing before turning back to you with a smirk.
“Relax, sweetheart. Trust me. I got this.” The player before him struck out for the final time, leaving the bottom of the seventh in his hands. Strike out, and the Yankees would only have two more innings to smash one out of the park and bring this win home. Right now, though, Schlatt could easily guarantee a Yankee victory with wiggle room to blow them out of the water. There was a sparkle of confidence in his eyes, you knew he had exactly a plan.
The Phillies had put in their best pitcher, Zach Wheeler, during the 6th inning, anticipating the Yankee’s slow crash. Schlatt and Wheeler had met many times before, and each time they faced off, Schlatt had homered—nothing seemed to be different this time. You said a silent prayer, your knuckles turning white from how hard you had been gripping at the railing in front of you as you watched Jay saunter cockily over to home plate, dragging his bat in a cross symbol on the dirt before lifting the bat above his shoulder. It felt like time slowed as the pitch clock began to count down, every moment beginning to matter more, and more, and more. You watched in slow motion as Wheeler pitched the ball, a curveball Schlatt hadn’t initially anticipated opening with. Wincing as he swung his bat with gusto, you groaned, hearing the home plate umpire calling a strike.
“C’mon, Jay!” You called out, leaning far over the railing, screaming with all your might to make sure he could hear you, “Swing hard, and knock it out of here! You’ve got it in you!”
He swayed a little, watching Wheeler like a hawk as he heard your calls, nodding as he focused even harder. It was almost like the pitcher could read his mind, as he smirked before finally throwing a pitch just before the clock ran out, a sinker to the right Schlatt hadn’t expected. Thankfully, he hadn’t swung, causing the crowd to cheer a little louder as the umpire called a ball. You sighed, shaking your head.
“Get out of your head, Schlatt!” You yelled, harder than before, “hit the ball home, god damnit!”
Your scream echoed in his mind, he locked in on the ball in front of him. It was as if time had slowed, watching as the ball left the pitcher’s hand, directly in Schlatt’s sweet spot. He began to grin cockily, knowing that this ball was going to go out of the park.
CRACK!
With the snap of a bat, you stood in awe, watching the ball fly past the outfield fence. You watched as your boyfriend began to run the bases, and as he turned the corner of second base, he lifted a hand, pressing it to his lips before throwing it in your direction—his signature thanks to his girl for getting his head in the game. Even though he had done it every single game, it still managed to melt your heart, and make the apples of your cheeks begin to heat with a blush. He winked at you as he neared home plate, before heading into the dugout to give his fellow teammates high fives and celebrations, before making his way towards the side of the dugout you were standing by.
“Couldn’t do it without you, toots.” He hummed, smiling widely up at you. To others, it seemed like the same cocky, confident smile he wore out on the field, but to you it was a smile filled with genuine love and joy. You mirrored his expression, reaching a hand down to him to squeeze, giggling at his sweaty grip.
“Oh, really?”
“Absolutely. If you didn’t take my head out of my ass, there, we’d still be tied up.” He said, sincerely, still only looking at you. Without realizing, the team manager came up behind Schlatt, clasping a hand on his shoulder. Schlatt turned to him, clasped his hand with the manager, before his eyes turned to you.
“I take it you’re Schlatt’s good luck charm, huh?” He said with a laugh, smiling up at you. Bashfully, you nodded your head with a smile.
“Yes, sir. That I am, pleasure to meet you.”
“Say…what’s your name?”
“(Y/N)...”
“Alright, (Y/N)...what’re your plans for next week? We’ve got a few away games we could definitely use your charm for, and I think we’ve got a spare travel ticket.” Manager Boone asked, looking between you and Schlatt with a slight smirk. Schlatt smiled, cocking an eyebrow up as he looked at you, leaving the decision in your hands. He knew that you would do absolutely anything to support him, even if that meant up and leaving your life behind for a week or so to travel with the team and support him.
“Well…lucky for us it’s summer, and I’ve got nothing better to do. It sounds like a plan, thank you.” You hummed, as Boone nodded, walking away and back to his lookout spot from the dugout, watching the next batter head to bat.
“Hear that, good luck charm? You’re going on the road with the big boys.” Schlatt teased, smirking up at you as you rolled your eyes playfully.
“Yeah, yeah, but…I’ll tell you what. If you keep going out there to your at-bats with your head out of your ass and hit a couple more homers tonight, I can guarantee it won’t just be here on the field where I bring you some luck…” You said with a wink, watching as his eyes widened briefly, the tips of his ears turning red before he realized he needed to go out to right field, since the teammate up to bat struck out.
Needless to say, the score by the end of the game was 8 Yankees to 6 Phillies, and Schlatt received all the post-game good luck he could ever need to help carry him through the rest of the season.
could we get like a schlatt one where we go to visit him at the deli i think itd be so cute trying to meet him at the backdoor (NOT TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLES) trying to keep it secret from his boss
deli dates 🥪 🥓 ── .✦
you and schlatt have been seeing each other lately, while trying not to get caught by his floor manager. you guys met each other during you lunch breaks, since his deli was the closest to your workplace.
schlatt loved it when you come over, quickly making you unusual order, favourite drinks and leaving you little love notes <33
“schlatt, hun… you forgot to flip the closed sign… no wonder why no one is here and it’s about to be lunch rush😭” you’re just straight up laughing at him but not he’s in complete silence 🧍♀️…
you guys had a special nock on the back door and you guys always make sure the floor manager wasn't around or anyone in general, "hey toots!" schlatt said comfortably while pulling you in with your belt loops. "hey honey" you said while going in for kiss, "soooo, hows work been in the deli? have any wild stories, weird orders? anything?" you said calmly. "surprisingly quite, don't know what the fuck is up with that” schlatt was pissed off, he loved being in the deli, it’s one of his favourite past times!
a few moments pass, schlatt really fucking loved theses moments. sneaking around like teenager in live all over again, schlatt always making your orders before opening the deli.
his coworkers are ALWAYSSSSA teasing him about how he’s in love with you, it’s actually so fucking adorable. also his coworkers are also there for you guys, making sure the floor manager isn’t around and taking the piss out of him when your there😭😭
overall, this man is more than smittened. head over heels about you.
"Schlatt, I think that despite you having a very spiky exterior online, I genuinely think that you have one of the kindest hearts inside. And I know you hate it when it shines through a little bit, but I hope you get to keep doing what actually brings you joy and what brings light into your life. I think you're on your way to doing that, and that makes me really happy to see." - Charlie Slimecicle
"Chuckle Dungeon Unlimited | Chuckle Sandwich FINALE" on YouTube
so…schlumblr users…this stream is making me wish we so badly had one giant group chat to…discuss in…thinking about perhaps creating a schlatt lovers discord server…? thoughts and feedback please 🧎🏻♀️
also how many other users here have donated to the big guy tonight…he’s gotten $40 off me for one tts but hey, at least he laughed!
where ted puts the reader and his good pal schlatt on a blind date
“Ted, you really don’t have to do all this you know..” You groaned, putting your head in your hands as you sat at your best friend’s kitchen table. This was probably the 10th time this week you’ve had this conversation, and you didn’t think it was going to be coming to a close any time soon.
“I’m just saying, (Y/N)! He’s a really good guy, a good friend of mine. You need to start getting yourself out there more! How long has it been since you’ve gone out?” He said, gentle yet firm, watching your defeated demeanor. You groaned, shaking your head.
“Does it really matter, Ted? What I do with my life is my choice, not yours!” You said, rolling your eyes as you looked up at him, crossing your arms across your chest. The third member of your trio of friends making his way downstairs, confused at the tension that was brewing.
“What’s going on down here, huh?” Tucker asked, “I could hear you both all the way upstairs in the bathroom!” You groaned…here they both go.
“I was simply trying to convince (Y/N) that going on a blind date with our…friend wouldn’t be such a bad idea!” Ted said, knowing Tucker would agree with him. The three of you had been friends all throughout high school, lasting through college, Tucker’s time in boot camp, all the way until now. As the years went by, you watched at how the both of them seemingly blossomed into the amazing people they were now—living life with no real cares, being unabashedly them. That included, of course, being their support in relationships, telling them what the women they were with were probably thinking, all the way up to even helping make sure Tucker picked out the right engagement ring for his then-girlfriend now wife. The entire time, though, they watched as you stayed put. Never giving yourself any chances with love, not going out enough, staying to yourself or only being around them. They were beginning to realize just how lonely and miserable you had become, watching your two best friends go out and enjoy their lives without you…they felt the need to do something, anything to bring you out of your shell, break this lifelong streak of not letting anyone besides the two of them in. Tucker hummed as he listened to Ted’s statement, looking at you as he nodded.
“You know he’s right, right? Like I don’t even need to tell you that?”
“I don’t need the two of you going and setting me up with someone! Something…something will happen naturally, I swear! Good things take time!” You said, practically pleading with them, trying to buy yourself more time. It’s not like you needed someone, anyways—you were always totally fine with being on your own. They cut you a glance, Ted sighing before shaking his head at your antics.
“We’re just worried, (Y/N)...we’ve known you so long now, and things…haven’t changed for you. You’re always so supportive of us. Can’t you let us be supportive of you?” Ted said softly. You could see the genuine concern growing in his eye, causing you to groan.
“What..what’s so special about this guy, anyway? What makes you think that I’d like him?” Ted and Tucker exchanged a glance, you knew you were in trouble. You groaned, as Ted gave you a look with that signature no-good twinkle in his eye.
“Listen…he can be a little on the…colder side, until he warms up to you. But he’s got a heart of gold and is just really misunderstood.” Ted began, looking at Tucker for confirmation. He nodded, signalling Ted to continue.
“But..he does seem like everything you’ve been looking for, I’ve seen your manifestation Pinterest boards. He’s tall, not as tall as me, though…brown hair that's about…that long…New York accent he can lay on thick or thin..” Ted said, trying to list off all the attributes he could think about him, as Tucker chimed in.
“Don’t forget those mutton chops, man. He looks so good with them.” You let out a laugh listening to Tucker, shaking your head.
“Ted…that Pinterest board was private. How dare you invade my privacy like that! And besides…that’s all the boyfriend manifestation photos Pinterest has to offer…what if my taste is nothing like you’re describing?” You said, crossing your arms with a huff as you stared at the two. They shared a knowing look, and then looked back at you. Silent, you could feel their gaze telling you they knew better without them having to say a word…
“Fine, whatever, you caught me. Tall, lanky men from New York with facial hair are enticing, but…what about his personality? You haven’t sold me yet!” You said, as Ted’s seriousness broke with a smile, watching as he relaxed a little in his stance.
“He’s shy. Doesn’t really open up easily, in fact he might be a little rude or standoffish the first time you talk to him.” Ted said, nonchalantly.
“And that’s supposed to make me like him?”
“What…not one for the brooding, mysterious grumpy guy?” Tucker asked, playfully smiling as he laughed. You groaned, rolling your eyes.
“He’s just a tough nut to crack, that’s all. I’m sure you could break down those walls of his, let him feel comfortable enough to get close to you.” You let out a laugh as Ted spoke, shaking your head.
“You’re talking about him like he’s an unruly cat! Oh, don’t mind him, he might claw your eyes out but he’s really just shy and misunderstood…sorry!” Ted and Tucker turned to one another, having the same look in their eyes before laughing at the joke you had just made. You sat, confused, wondering what the look was about.
“He’s a big cat guy. Has two of his own, loves them more than anything in the world.” Tucker said, smiling at you.
“Well, we’re hoping you can be the next thing he loves more than anything in the world, but that’s a little too forward-thinking right now.” Ted said with a laugh, as Tucker rolled his eyes.
“But seriously, (Y/N)...don’t feel too pressured into doing this if you don’t want to. We just want to see you happy, and this guy…this guy has a lot of potential. I could see the two of you happily together.” Tucker said, smiling at you, his words and voice dripping with sincerity as Ted nodded behind him. You sighed, leaning back into your chair a bit more, contemplating. It wouldn’t hurt to get out for once, it had been months since the last time you genuinely went out on your own, without the two of them. And, if not for nothing, even if this date didn’t really lead anywhere, it still left you with some experience under my belt for the next guy…you took a deep breath.
“If I say yes, will you two finally get off my case?”
“Yes!” The two said in unison, turning to look at each other with smirks before returning their gaze to you. You groaned, already regretting the decision, but it was too late.
“What’s the mystery guy’s name, anyways?”
“C’mon….c’mon….pick up…” Ted groaned, rubbing his temples with his fingers as his phone played a dial tone for the 4th time today. Growing frustrated and desperate, he sat down at his desk, opening Discord to call him there.
“What the fuck do you want?”
“Jesus Christ…took you long enough!” Ted laughed, shaking his head, feeling a wave of relief washing over him. Schlatt groaned.
“Still didn’t answer my fuckin’ question.”
“So…remember that blind date I had mentioned the other day?” Ted asked, noticing how quiet Schlatt had gotten. He was silently praying whoever Ted was dying to set him up with had turned down Ted’s pushing, because he knew he wasn’t able to.
“Yeah…think I remember…” He said quietly, fiddling with his fingers as he said a prayer that it had fallen through.
“They agreed!” Ted said cheerfully, a sickeningly sweet smile adorning his face, causing Schlatt to groan.
“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me…” He droned, putting his head between his hands on his desk, trying to wake him up from this potential nightmare.
“Hey! Don’t be so upset, you’re the one who agreed to this in the first place!” Ted said, “You could use this…you’ve been miserable, and I think they’re really going to improve your mood.”
Schlatt sat in silence for a moment, debating what to say. Should he pretend he got cold feet, and cancel the whole thing? Maybe he could pretend that the girl he just matched with on Bumble last night was the love of his life…he sighed. Ted would see through it all. Admittedly, Schlatt knew that this could have potential—it had been a while since he had gone out, especially on a date, and he could benefit from potentially getting his dick wet for the first time in a long time. He groaned, not liking the words that were about to come from his mouth.
“Fine...when and where, cupid?” He smugly said, rolling his eyes when he saw the smile grow on Ted’s face, giving him a glare through the camera.
“Let’s see…they work all week, but get done at 5 on Friday, so I’m sure they’re open after that.”
“Perfect. Where?” Schlatt grumbled, trying to get this conversation over with as quickly as possible.
“They live in the Upper West side so….isn’t there a nice little pub on the corner of 1st and 76th?” Schlatt hummed, knowing exactly the place he was referencing…he wasn’t happy about going into the city on a Friday night for someone he didn’t know, but if it made Ted shut up about all this for a while, he would do it.
“Yeah, I know what’re talkin’ about…got it. Thanks, man.” He grumbled, finishing the call with a little bit of small talk before Ted had to go, needing to call someone else. Schlatt groaned once the call ended, putting his head between his hands. What the hell did he get himself wrapped up in, now? He got back to work, trying to put the lurking date in the back of his mind, not wanting to think about it as his stomach filled with butterflies at the thought alone.
It was Friday, well after work, and you stood outside on the sidewalk outside of the pub you were supposed to meet this…mystery man in.
“I’m not telling you his name, you’ll know exactly who he is when you walk in there. Trust me.”
You shuttered at the memory…still pissed at Ted for not giving you any other knowledge, other than the way the man looked. You took out your phone and texted him.
r u sure he’s here?
You paced on the sidewalk some more, looking into the bar…it was so crowded in there, to be expected of a Friday night in the city, no matter where you were. You whipped out your phone, feeling it buzz in your pocket.
promise he is…but are you? he said he hasn’t seen you…
You sighed, taking a deep breath, rolling back your shoulders before swallowing. It was time to face the music of your decision, and get this show on the road. The music playing inside flooded your senses as soon as you opened the door, looking around the dimly lit pub. It had a cozy feeling to it, most of the patrons sitting with others in their parties, laughing, having a good time. As you scanned the establishment for any other single bar goer, your heart began to pound out of your chest…where was he? You weren’t seeing any tall, lanky, brown haired, mutton chop-having man…did he stand you up? Was he lying to Ted?
From across the bar, Schlatt looked up from his whiskey, swirling it with the ice in his glass as he scanned the bar for you once more…immediately it struck him. His eyes locked with your figure, a smile forcibly creeping up on his face..what was happening to him? He stood up, smoothed out his shirt a little before approaching you.
“By chance…are you (Y/N)?” He said smoothly, tapping your shoulder. You jumped, looking in the opposite direction of him, not expecting him to have snuck up on you like that. You giggled, looking him from head to toe…this certainly seemed like the man Ted was talking about.
“Depends…are you a friend of Ted’s?” You asked, smiling up at him. He could feel the ice around his heart slowly melting…what was happening to him?
“Yeah, that’s me.” He smirked, holding out his hand, “Name’s Schlatt. Nice to meet you, toots.”
“Nice to meet you, Schlatt.” You said, taking his hand in yours, giving it a firm shake. You had a good feeling about tonight, seeing the man’s smile beaming across from you. Here goes nothing…
so…schlumblr users…this stream is making me wish we so badly had one giant group chat to…discuss in…thinking about perhaps creating a schlatt lovers discord server…? thoughts and feedback please 🧎🏻♀️
also how many other users here have donated to the big guy tonight…he’s gotten $40 off me for one tts but hey, at least he laughed!
