Bet he feels like an elephant shaking his big grey trunk for the

What's up, Hamilton? I'm Atticus Hummel, and you can either find me cheering people on or in some kind of morally compromising position. There are other people running around with my face. In the event that this face has made you mad, please ensure that you specify which Hummel it is before you slap. Follow my Twitter (@schmatticus, holla) and tell me I'm pretty and we'll be best friends forever. Princess Zachary. Sibling TBA. "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times." - Mark Twain

[schmatticushums]

[PM]: Great. Um, that's great. I mean. Um. Nevermind. It's not great that you're fighting with your brother. I'm sorry. I'm, uh, here. Or I can come to you. Or you can come to me. It's um, up to you.

[PM]: Stay there. I’m on my way. 

[schmatticushums]

[PM]: Hi. So, um, I... noticed that you, uh, and your brother... uh, It's none of my business. I'm sorry. Are you okay? Do you want to, um, go for coffee? Or something? It's late, but. Um. We could... do something.

[PM]: God, no. Don’t apologize. It’s fine. I’m sorry. I don’t know what the fuck we’re even fighting about, to tell you the truth.

I’m fine. But uh, yeah. I’d like to see you right now. We can do whatever. 

[zacharyhummbles]

I didn’t even say you were a bad brother. The only reason you’re getting boring is because I have you over all the time. But, it hasn’t even been only this. You’re been so moody for a long time. Like when you got super mad about me going on a date without your permission. I love you but you’ve been so not nice recently and you overreact about everything.

[schmatticushums]

I didn’t get mad that you went on a date and you definitely don’t need my permission. But you know how you don’t want to hear about my sex life? I don’t want to hear about yours, either. When I tell you I don’t want the details, I truly do not want to hear them. Okay, alright. I’m sorry if I’ve been in a shitty mood, but you aren’t really helping, either. I’ll just see you later.

[chavellehart-blog]

I am, yeah. You’re interested in the military, huh? Tic, cool name. I’ll go with that. What’s stopping you from joining?

[schmatticushums]

Kind of. I've been thinking about it. School isn’t really my thing, you know? I feel like I’m just wasting everyone’s time. It’d be cool to feel that kind of purpose. I guess nothing? I don’t know how my family would take it. What branch are you in?

[zacharyhummbles]

You’ve had a bad attitude lately mister, and honestly I’m tired of it. You’re moody and you just start fights that make no sense. I don’t see why you are so mad about me saying I’d like to have friends other than you. You have friends other than me, so I don’t get it.

[schmatticushums]

I don’t give a fuck if you have other friends. What I care about is the fact that you have to put me down in order to do it. Like, why do you have to have other friends because you’re getting bored with me? Why can’t you just have them because you want them? I’m honestly just tired of you constantly telling me how shitty I am when I would do anything for you. So, okay, have other friends. But I’m not going to be at your beck and call anymore if you see me as that much of a shitty brother.

[chavellehart-blog]

So I have a lot of new followers. I’ve clearly been M.I.A for too long. This is what happens when you volunteer at a recruiting station. I’m just feeling nostalgic about the military. Gross, right? Let me enjoy being a civilian while I can. Anywho, my name is Chavelle. You can call me Che, or whatever your heart desires. 

[schmatticushums]

You’re in the military? That’s pretty fucking cool. I’ve been mulling that over myself, honestly. That’s not important, though. I’m Atticus. Most call me Tic? I don’t really fucking care either way, though.

[aliapuckerman-deactivated201809]

buried under piles of snow.

…or 3-6 inches according to our local weather forecast, and I’m torn between making snow angels and/or hot chocolate and a date with The Little Mermaid. There’s also homework, but… that’s a lot less fun.

For the time being, I’m kind of hanging out in the Visual Arts building because my other class here was canceled, until the snow slows a little bit and I can run back to my dorm and/or make snow angels. So, rescue me?

[schmatticushums]

I fucking hate this snow. Like, honestly, I hate running inside on treadmills because it feels ridiculous but it’s too icy to be outside. Trust me, I’ve tried. And every time I wipe the fuck out. 

I don’t know what kind of savior you’re looking for but if you want someone to chill with, I am the master of movie marathons.

[dustinstjames]

So, who wants to be a part of this new short movie I’m working on? 

[schmatticushums]

Is it actually good? Would I get to take my shirt off? There are too many questions.

[schmatticushums]

@mcgarrett: Summer where u at. I need u. I just spent my day making a pizza with perfect calculations.

@schmatticus: @mcgarrett Are summer and pizza related things?

[schmatticushums]

@chandlerhayward: Are anthrax contamination pranks funny or nah? #askingforafriend

@schmatticus: @chandlerhayward I think I need more information.

[zacharyhummbles]

Nope, you can’t, I’m in charge of you. But I feel like I’ve seen you every day for like months and I need less of you and more friends. Plus you never come fast enough when I’m hungry or scared.

[schmatticushums]

Alright, cool. I guess I’ll just go fuck off then.

[schmatticushums]

Hi. I'm very sorry that I haven't been around lately. My best friend's mom died this weekend. I've been spending time with her. I just don't want you to think that I've, um, disappeared. Or anything.

Hey, you’re okay. That’s very important. You’re a very good friend for doing that.

[zacharyhummbles]

Perfect has seven letters, you know what else has seven letters? Zachary. So unless you know another cutie pie, hold the actual pie, I need people to apply to live with me because I can’t be alone and Caleb is moved into a dorm until next year and I need a person to kill the odd bug and stop me from inviting Atticus over every night because he is getting boring.

Name:

Age:

Major:

Gender & pronouns:

Sexuality & relationship status:

Do you like to cuddle?:

Do you like Disney movies?:

Can you cook?:

How much do you like bunnies?:

Have you ever committed a crime?:

[schmatticushums]

I’m revoking your hangout privileges. 

[schmatticushums]

This is a week from fucking hell. I have to say, I’ve been doing pretty well without the cigarettes during the season, but I’m really tempted to cave. Am I enough of a douchebag to justify getting one of those e-cigs? I need someone to weigh in on this.

[schmatticushums]

@averylhudson: @schmatticus Please ice your ankle and take things easy. No more running until it's better!

@schmatticus: @averylhudson It's not the first time I've practiced on a sprained ankle! I will be a-ok.

[schmatticushums]

@beapierce: @schmatticus Why are you in a shitty mood? Is there anything I can do to help?

@schmatticus: @beapierce Nah, don't worry about it. I'll sort my shit out eventually.

[schmatticushums]

@vincenttomas: There is ice. Just letting you know.

@schmatticus: @vincenttomas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE RIGHT I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT THANKS