Feel free to change pronouns or restructure sentences as needed.
“Like that’s ever gonna happen! What a load of– ”
“Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?”
“They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. They’ll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!”
“Actually, it’s quite good on toast.”
“This is the part where you run away.”
“Please don’t turn me in. I’ll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!”
“Well, that’s good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.”
“I’m the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.”
“That’s right, fool! Now I’m a flying, talking, ____. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a ____ fly.”
“By the order of [Name], I am authorized to place you under arrest, and transport you to a designated resettlement facility.”
“Now, why don’t you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?”
“I don’t have any friends. And I’m not goin’ out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I’ll stick with you.”
“Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don’t mind me sayin’, if that don’t work, your breath certainly will get the job done, ‘cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks!”
“Why are you following me?”
“Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.”
“You know what I like about you, [Name]? You got that kind of I-don’t-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, [Name]. You all right.”
“I guess you don’t entertain much, do you?”
“I don’t wanna go back there! You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak!”
“I thought I told you to stay outside.”
“Enough! What are you doing in my house?”
“Oh, gosh, no one invited us. We were forced to come here.”
“Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out.”
“I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures. But now my patience has reached its end!”
“Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?”
“I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night…”
“Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?”
“It’s quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?”
“You’re going the right way for a smacked bottom.”
“Can’t we just settle this over a pint?”
“Congratulations, ____. You’ve won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.”
“Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?”
“Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.”
“You can’t tell me you’re afraid of heights.”
“Come on, [Name]. I’m right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support, we’ll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.”
“So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?”
“There’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ afraid. Fear’s a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add.”
“[Name], two things, okay? Shut. Up.”
“I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. And do I detect a hint of minty freshness?”
“This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?”
“You’ve had a lot of time to plan this, haven’t you?”
“Can I at least know the name of my champion?”
“Wait. Where are you going? The exit’s over there.”
“You’re amazing! You’re wonderful! You’re… a little unorthodox, I’ll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.”
“Oh, no. This is all wrong. You’re not supposed to be a(n) ____.”
“I’m no one’s messenger boy, all right? I’m a delivery boy.”
“Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified!”
“You know, you’re just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like [Name].”
“Say there’s a woman that digs you, right, but you don’t really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren’t hurt, but you don’t get burned to a crisp and eaten?”
“Shouldn’t we stop to make camp?”
“What’s your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?”
“I’m not the one with the problem, okay? It’s the world that seems to have a problem with me.”
“You know, you’re not exactly what I expected.”
“Be still, mon cherie, for I am your savior!”
“I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid…”
“When a beauty’s with a beast it makes me awfully mad.”
“That was amazing! Where did you learn that?”
“There’s an arrow in your butt!”
“Don’t die, [Name]. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!”
“This would be so much easier if I wasn’t color-blind!”
“Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask.”
“That’s what they always say, and then next thing you know you’re on your back. Dead.”
“Maybe you can come visit me in ____ sometime. I’ll cook all kinds of stuff for you.”
“Man, isn’t this romantic? Just look at that sunset.”
“Don’t feel bad. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until… Hey, no, wait. I’m still afraid of the dark!”
“Oh my God! You ate the princess!”
“It only happens when the sun goes down.”
“When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me.”
“I saw this flower and thought of you because it’s pretty and – well, I don’t really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you’re pretty.”
“Who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?”
“I just know, before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.”
“There’s something I have to tell you.”
“Ah, right on time. I’ve brought you a little something.”
“You don’t have to waste good manners on the ____. It’s not like it has feelings.”
“Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?”
“Why wait? Let’s get married today before the sun sets.”
“I told you, didn’t I? You’re not coming home with me. I live alone!”
“You know, with you it’s always,“Me, me, me!” Well, guess what! Now it’s my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention!”
“You are mean to me. You insult me, and you don’t appreciate anything that I do! You’re always pushing me around or pushing me away.”
“That’s what friends do! They forgive each other!”
“I forgive you… for stabbin’ me in the back!”
“I’m sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ____. Can you forgive me?”
“Never fear, for where there’s a will, there’s a way. And I have a way.”
“All right, all right. Don’t get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.”
“Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don’t you?”
“Really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you…”
“I wanted to show you before…”
“I was hoping this would be a happy ending.”
