
Origami Around

★
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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@scootypuffjrsucks
A limerick. Based on a true story.
Hudson Williams: Shane Hollander understander of all times
"I fell in love with Shane immediately. I mean, I was falling in love with him even when I read the sides, which were just the audition... like, two scenes I got for the audition. By the time I finished reading episode 6, I was crying. I felt like no one else was allowed to play him. I needed to play him."
"Shane is very affable, even though he's sort of a departure from myself. As much anxiety as I have, Shane has quadruple, tenfold more, and it's just pouring out of him at all times. And that was fun to play, even if sometimes my stomach hurt. I always thought of him as sort of this pretty, neurotic character; this little concoction of this flowery, determined, sort of alpha in some ways, or sort of wanting to appear so, and then just this pretty little sensitive painting in other ways."
"I had Heated Rivalry read, and then read again, and annotated many times, on my Kindle."
"After reading Jacob's scripts, even before the book, I immediately saw how he would operate. My dad is on the spectrum, he knows it. He's a mechanical engineer graduated top of his class, first in class in everything, very technical genius in a lot of ways, but sort of socially... I think he would say that he doesn't want to deal with emotions. He has told me, I'm not even paraphrasing, "I relate more with Vulcan than human," referencing the Star Trek, the hyper-cerebral alien creatures. I love my dad to death, and I've always felt very connected to him. He has a sensitivity to him that is very boyish. I think when I read the script, I took a huge page out of living my life with him. Rachel Reid has said Shanel is autistic, so I think I knew how it should look. I empathized with him a lot immediately."
"Shane is hyper competent at this one thing. He's stereotypically masculine in a lot of regards. He's a kind person, and he's so overtly Canadian. He's harboring something that he thinks is a career-ending secret because he just doesn't have the emotional maturity or societal maturity to sort of understand what his own queerness means. To him, it's most likely detrimental, which is the wrong assumption to some degree, but it shatters his own idea of what his masculinity is, or at least it cripples it. And yet, he still never harms a fly."
"Shane is like a giant wooden suit with not too many articulating joints. I love him dearly, but he is exhausting because although it's my accent to a degree, it's not my voice. I'm very expressive, I'm loud, and he is tight-lipped and tight-throated, and he walks like a little frickin' square. He's like a Roomba, and has the emotional expression of one as well. So it's exhausting, but the friction is also sort of liberating in a sense that I can just be very sardonic and not necessarily earnest all the time. I'm trying to work at that. Even if Shane just says "you're an asshole" or "fuck you," his heart is on his sleeve no matter what. It's just pure earnestness and a real lack of ability to articulate himself into a lie or a less truthful place. His heart is always in his eyes, and that is kind of refreshing to be in, but it's also scary."
"Sometimes I think people might not like him, but it's like, "Oh, I hope people understand him." This is someone who's very close to me. These are family members. These are friends. These are neurodivergent people I know very well. So I'm also scared for him because a lot of the time I'm like, do I make him more cinematic and more sellable and more of a charismatic performance? Shane is not charismatic. There's a wardrobe person on set who said, "Hudson, you're hot as hell, but Shane's unfuckable." And I was like, "Well, yeah, I guess that's Shane."
"Shane feels very much like my father in a lot of ways. Thinking of him while playing Shane, that was a part of the build, the very first ingredients. I think I said my dad has a boyish quality, but he's also mechanical. Shane is boyish, but he's also mechanical. Getting to live with that, be frustrated by that, be frustrated by the restrictions of it, it just made me feel even more empathy and love for my dad."
"To cry in someone's arms is possibly the most intimate thing I think a human can do, let alone bare your heart on your sleeve and have to look someone in the eye. It's terrifying for me, and I'm an actor and my job is to be some soapy bitch. But for Shane, it is like death."
"Shane is not the most observant fella. He doesn't even have a gaydar. So I think Scott was someone he admired and represents the guy who's done it and been in the league-macho, competent. And to see that guy kissing smoothie boy on screen in front of millions of watchers is like a little pressure off his shoulders of going, "Okay, this makes this a little less scary. I'm not sure I'm going to do that, but I'm glad someone did."
"Shane's on the spectrum so he has to be specific."
"And then also the scene where, it's very sweet, when Shane mentions that they can start a mental health organization. I don't think Shane knows how sweet that is to Ilya. I think it kind of comes from Shane's pragmatism and he's sort of thinking, well, this was good and Ilya will appreciate this, but I don't think he knows to the extent."
"And then the final nail through the fucking skull in my eyes was the scene with Yuna. That was the scene that felt the most pointed in my upbringing. You know, Asian family... There were some stereotypes that are true, in my experience and a lot of Asian kids' reality. Perfection, discipline, a lack of straying left and right meant a lot of old, outdated conventions and old biases. Being gay is one of them. So having that release... I didn't know at that point if Yuna would tell him, "Okay, well, do you want to be a part of this family or not? You're not going to be talking about that again." To the degree of which she brought him in and said, "That's okay," really just sent me."
"Shane and Ilya get their ending, but as a reader bringing in my own experience of what that sort of overbearing mother means and the fears that it comes along with, this is the looming anxiety that carries Shane through all those seasons, all those years. "What would my mom think? What would my dad think? Holy fuck, I am breaking their idea of this perfect little image of a hockey player I have built over these years and sort of fabricated, to a degree."
"No, Shane does not know he's autistic. Although autism has always existed, the idea of it being a spectrum... that conversation started to reach me in a more open, accepted way in like 2017, 2018. I kind of forget the exact dates of when our show wraps up, but the overlap would probably be nearing the end of where we leave them in Heated Rivalry And I don't think Shane would be having those conversations in his social circles."
"He would need to go to a therapist, and Ilya is the only one in therapy in season two. And I don't think either of Shane's parents are the type to be like, "There's a spectrum. You're on it." They just think he's driven and antisocial. To me, reading the scripts, it didn't even have to be acknowledged. I was like, "This guy is farther along the spectrum than a lot of people." And I kind of aw, even how the dialog was written, how it manifests. Sometimes autism's portrayed in movies with quirky head movements, weird blinks, and weird inflections. And it's like, Okay...? That is sometimes truthful but that's always the reach. That's always the way it's expressed. And it's like, No, sometimes it is flat affect. It's just being immobile in your seat and taking 10 seconds to move your hand to do something because you don't know what this movement looks like or means."
"Shane is not a talker. In our show, he talks very little, and so we need to kind of set that up. Even Shane just coming up to him and saying, "Ilya Rozanov?" is huge, and it needs to be huge for the rest of the show."
Oh.
Add in that Ilya is USED to dealing with anger/disappointment from a parental figure. It’s nothing new to him. If he can handle it from his father then he can handle it from Shane’s parents especially if it means they don’t direct at Shane.
this altered my brain chemistry
(no i’m not this talented) got this off twitter https://x.com/sosaneitsinsane/status/2037685760799760847?s=20
do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare
if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.
Shane Hollander is lowkey the most heartbreaking character of all time and I’m glad Jacob Tierney recognized that because Rachel Reid certainly didn’t.
Shane’s comphet and compartmentalization of his sexuality and true self outside of a few frantic encounters with Ilya a few times a year is devastating. His refusal to tell anyone in his life - his teammates, his parents, friends he doesn’t have - what he truly wants because he can’t even admit it to himself.
Everything is hockey, everything is brand deals. No, he can’t have a glass of wine because he can’t do anything that’ll potentially impact his performanceon the ice. He can’t date because everything is about his career and when it’s the off season, he locks himself away at his cottage where he spends most of his time alone. Hayden is the closest thing he has to a friend, but if Shane can’t even admit to himself how he feels, how is he supposed to confide in Hayden?
He can have sex with Ilya behind closed doors without words exchanged, but the second it begins to resemble something real, when Ilya starts trying to figure out what Shane really wants, Shane panics and forces himself into a relationship with a woman, because what he has with Ilya doesn’t make sense or fit into any version of himself that he can foresee.
One of the best decisions Jacob Tierney made in the show was showing Shane be intimate with Rose and frame it as devastating and stomach churning. Shane’s performance of heterosexuality is painful. It actively holds him back from being his true self. The book glosses over it and mentions Shane has shitty sex with Rose a couple of times, and doesn’t go into any meaningful detail about how Shane, a gay man in love with another man, forcing himself to have sex with a woman to perform heterosexuality would be extremely difficult and unpleasant for him.
The scene in the show is unpleasant and heartbreaking. We see and feel how much Shane doesn’t want to be doing this, but he feels like he has to.
Shane’s break up with Rose is 10 tens more emotional and impactful in the show than it is in the book, because Shane’s clumsiness with women is not portrayed as a punchline. We see him processing in real time that he can’t just keep faking it. Shane thinks he is good at hiding and compartmentalizing, but it only took Rose two sexual encounters to figure him out. He’s forced to reckon with the fact that he can’t just keep ignoring who he really is and what he really wants.
The scene where we finally get a glimpse into just how painful everything is for Shane is another scene that’s not in the book - Shane’s conversation with Yuna outside.
“I tried. I tried really hard. I just can’t help it.”
Now that he’s finally starting to let go of the performance and separation he’s tried to maintain all of these years - Shane Hollander Hockey Player versus Shane Hollander The Person - he can admit that there’s nothing he can do to change who he is or how he feels, but that will never erase the pain of all those years of trying, of trying to be who his mother wanted him to be and who the MLH wanted him to be. He denied himself the ability to be fully human and fully himself for so long and he’ll never get that time back.
I never want to hear the words “Shane doesn’t have trauma” ever again.
SHANE & ILYA + parallels
Ilya: this guy is cute, I should start a stationary bike race so he knows I want to get sweaty together
Ilya: that didn’t quite work. Maybe I should just give him the eye? While I tell him I hope he likes his new city?
Ilya: okay. But surely if I make him drink from my water bottle and brush his fingers when passing it over…?
Ilya: call him pretty. To his face. No way he can miss that
Ilya: desperate measures, I’ll have to tell him I orchestrated this whole ad campaign just so I could see him again
Ilya: WHAT IF I STARTED JERKING OFF IN THESE COMUNAL SHOWERS?
Shane, 7 years later: I have figured out that you like me.
How the fuck am I supposed to function for the rest of the day??? You drop the book announcement AND the cover reveal?????
No. No. I am completely useless at work right now.
rune is an unreliable narrator and it shows in a lot of bits but the funniest ones are when in the beginning stages of his relationship he's like oh he likes me but what if my trauma's too much for addam :( when there's a whole scene about addam seeing him have a violent flashback of his trauma and three seconds later he's going sooooo. how do you feel about children 👉👈. it's the insecurities I know but like. king.
Yuna and David having watched their autistic son be so isolated all of his adult life and never having a happy relationship or close friends who understand his anxiety and then finding out that the man they’ve spent a decade hating on his behalf can casually talk him down from a panic attack in less than a minute
Wow. So, when? Since our, uh, rookie season. Since your rookie season? No, it's not true. Since before that. Not helpful.
(insp.)