Nevermore

[scotlife-blog]

[scotlife-blog]

It really sucks having nobody to turn to when things are shit

[scotlife-blog]

Just some thoughts on being an ex-JW - some personal background info

I started fading shortly after my baptism when I realised I’d made a huge mistake!! That was in 2008. I never really believed in ‘the truth’ and at several points of my youth had openly questioned teachings that I didn’t agree with. I remember at one point discussing it with a friend and equating the organisation to The Wizard Of Oz. At the end of it all, it’s just an insignificant man with a ‘god complex’ hiding behind a curtain. I had faced constant battle with my sexuality from a young age. I was never very regular at meetings and avoided going out in the ministry at all cost. I came out to my sister in March 2013 and my mum in June 2013. I had already moved out of home and in to my own flat in Glasgow and was closer to ‘worldly’ friends than I was to anyone in ‘the truth’. I started to date later that year and met my partner in 2014. At that time I had absolutely nothing to do with the congregation and because of that I was never disfellowshipped which was a lot easier on my mum and sister. I’ve seen so many of my friends leave, including my young niece and nephew once they were old enough and it makes me so happy that they are escaping. None of which I have tried to influence out of respect for my mum and sister. My only hope now is that eventually they will both wake up on their own because I promised I would never question their faith. I’m just so fortunate that they have openly welcomed my partner into the family and have a good relationship with her, they have gone above and beyond and it just shows that people, even when still indoctrinated can have a balanced view and make their own rational decisions.

[scotlife-blog]

[quotes-motivational]

[lifeafterthewatchtower]

To all active Jehovah’s Witnesses who have doubts about their religion:

Having doubts is not a bad thing. Suppressing these doubts is.

Because if you do have doubts then something is wrong. But there is never something wrong with you!

It’s the same as if your body hurts. It is a warning sign that something is wrong. When your body hurts, the problem is not that you feel the pain. The problem is that something is causing this pain. Just swallowing pain-killers might make the pain go away for a little bit, granted. But it won’t solve the problem. The pain will come back. And what causes the pain might even seriously harm you.

If you do have doubts about your religion then either something with the religion is wrong. Or someone presented it to you in the wrong way.

I have been working as a teacher for years, and what I can honestly, from the bottom of my heart, say is that if it comes to teaching there is no “one size fits all”. None of my students was ever the same. So I had to and I still have to adapt my way of teaching. If my students doubt that what I teach them is true (and yes, that happens) then I do encourage them to do their own thorough research. That is the only honest approach. Dis-encouraging people from doing looking at counter-arguments, from reading literature, blogposts, or watching videos that presents a different view is dishonest. If you have nothing to hide then you will not dis-encourage or even punish people for investigating your claims.

IF the teachings are right, but there are doubts then the person who teaches is wrong in their way of teaching. And they need to change. Especially if it is not “only” about grades but about the lives of people.  But if the teachings are indeed wrong then the teacher is deceiving you.  Willingly or unwillingly. And if they dis-encourage you to do thorough research (which has to include different viewpoints) then chances are that they have something to hide. But you will never find out.

Whatever it is, it is not your fault. But you need to take action.

The most important question that you have to ask yourself is:

What am I interested in - the truth or in confirmation of my beliefs? Continue to following something you have doubts about will inevitably lead to disaster. It will mess you up. You will always have the nagging feeling of being dishonest. And being dishonest about your own religion is the least you want.

You need to investigate. And you need to investigate seriously and honestly by looking at all possible sides.

If you suspect that someone might not say the whole truth, there is no value in only talking and listening to this person alone. No matter if the person is saying the truth or not saying the truth.

[scotlife-blog]

Symptom of being an ex-JW

Turning 30 this week, not taking time off work to celebrate, playing it off as no big deal, feeling uneasy at the thought of presents or any kind of celebration.

Fuck this!! I should be excited and celebrating turning 30! Entering into a new decade of my life, the next chapter!

But instead I’m left with crippling anxiety!!!

I fucking hate what that fucked-up cult has done to me and still is doing to me 7-years after I left

[scotlife-blog]

[snowqueenlou]

You’d think after 13 years… you know I can’t even think of a thing to call it - because I joke a lot about being raised in a cult, and how that makes me a bit clueless sometimes about pop culture, and social norms.

It’s true, and it’s a nice distraction from the fact that I’m essentially an orphan because a group of hatemongers who call themselves “christian” basically tell my family that god is going to kill me for not believing what they say, and that if they maintain their contact with me, god might kill them too.

Joking that I never saw Star Wars until I was 19 and house-sitting so I could sneak-watch it, is a nice distraction from the days-long anxiety attacks that feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest, because they’re having their religious convention this week and teaching even more people to hate their families for disagreeing with their church leaders.

Making cracks about my mother being so afraid of demons that she’d put garage sale purchases in the garage so on the chance they were demonized, they couldn’t infest the house, is a nice distraction from the nightmares and night terrors I have about feeling a total lack of control over my future or my finances or my body, regardless of the actual status of each of these things.

Telling “funny stories” about how slow we’d walk in the door-to-door work, so we’d cover the least amount of ground possible, and talk to the fewest people, is a great distraction from the fact that all of my friendships are fraught with fear that any disagreement will lead to a permanent estrangement, that every single time I stand up for myself I have to prepare myself for a battle and remind myself that it’s okay to prioritize my own feelings and emotional safety.

Religious abuse and religious trauma syndrome is a real thing, whether or not anybody lists it in the DSM. It’s as real as C/PTSD or domestic violence or sexual abuse. It messes up the way you think about things; sometimes it’s so subtle you don’t even know it’s completely distorted thinking, except that you know it feels awful, and makes you not want to leave the house, or talk to people… I don’t know if it ever goes away. You get better at managing your bigger stressors, and you get better at hiding your bigger signs and symptoms most days.

The next time I have a big reaction to something you think should have been trivial, I’m asking that you consider this.

[scotlife-blog]

Any ex-JW’s physically cringe when you think back to the shit you actually used to believe?? When I talk to my partner about it when she asks about stuff I actually need to pre-warn her that it sounds bay-shit crazy!!!

[books-n-quotes]

“Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves.”

— Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

[latenights]

No matter how educated, talented, rich, or cool you believe you are, how you treat people ultimately tells all.

[quotes-motivational]

[scotlife-blog]

Crisis of faith

Ok so when I left the JW organisation I thought I had to stop believing in ‘god’. I turned completely against any kind of notion that there’s a higher power out there. I thought that if I believed in god, god is Jehovah and there lay my responsibility as a baptised JW to remain in the truth and fight through all my doubts. If I believed then I couldn’t be free of it. This was extremely damaging to me mentally and emotionally. As a JW you are constantly judged on how ‘spiritual’ you are. It has taken me about 6/7 years to figure out that following the JW teachings has nothing to do with spirituality. Spiritually is deeply personal and cannot be dictated to you. So when I realised the difference between scriptural and spiritual, I felt some relief. My mind opened so much. I’ve built my own belief system that works for me and I don’t need a man-made organisation or a book written by men to dictate to me what I believe or don’t believe.

Do I believe there is 1 almighty god? No

Do I believe in creation or evolution? Fuck knows...does it really matter??

Do I believe that there’s right and wrong? Yes

Do I believe there’s also a massive grey area? Absolutely

Do I believe in Karma? Absolutely!

Do I believe that things happen for a reason? Definitely

Do I believe in ghosts? Not so sure

Do I believe there’s energy left behind by people when they die? Absolutely

Do I believe we can tap into this energy? Yup!

So I’m saying that faith, belief, spirituality has fuck all to do with religion! Find your own path in life and I truly believe that if you are kind and good and treat others with respect that you will live a happier life.

I’m still trying to figure it all out and I don’t think that will ever stop. Most days in life something will happen that may tweak your beliefs just a little. And I believe this is how we grow as humans. The ability to adapt and evolve is a true display of strength and humanity.

Just go with the flow. There some kind of strange sense of peace that comes with accepting that it’s ok to not have things figured out, to not have the answers to everything. I love when I’m asked something now and I can just say ‘I’ve no idea’ rather than ‘well the bible says...’

Who gives a flying fuck what the bible says??? That’s just someone’s interpretation of life. Create your own interpretation day by day and don’t let anyone convince you that you’re wrong.

[michipeachiii]

Ways Being a JW Fucked Me Up

I’m scared of nice people. I’m scared of their intentions. I’m scared they’re only being nice to me because they want to use me or get me to do something. 

I’m scared of getting trapped in a cult again.

I don’t know how to be an independent adult. I don’t feel my age.

I over-analyze and over-think everything. I’m constantly second guessing myself.

Trying to do “normal” everyday activities induces bouts of anxiety.

Feeling isolated from non-jw family because you were kept away from them growing up. Feeling isolated because all the friends you had no longer speak to you. Being afraid to make friends out of fear from losing them abruptly.

Holiday blues.

Not being able to watch movies/news/media etc. without feeling anxious.

Nightmares.

Living in a state of constant guilt. 

Feeling like you’ll never be good enough, never do enough. Feeling unclean/impure/immoral etc. 

[scotlife-blog]

[some-jw-things]

Never let anyone tell you thinking is bad. Critical thinking is essential. Never blindly follow authority; that’s how the worst atrocities in the world were committed. You have a right to ask questions, and if someone tries to convince you you don’t, that’s a serious red flag

If your beliefs are well founded, then asking questions and getting answers should reaffirm them, not threaten them. If all it takes to topple your belief system is actually sitting down and thinking about what is being said, then maybe those aren’t really your beliefs. You need to be able to ask questions