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Favorite fictional character: Catherine Ward from angels of death
Favorite song: Static .. (Flavor Foley)
@student13b / @kittycatutaite , @mentallyillhasegawa @clovergatari @nyancvtt (? So sorry if you dont wanna be tagged ...) @rotting-lilac @fawnedupon uhh ... anyone else !!
This is most likely my last contribution to the fandom after everything that went on these past few days
I strongly recommend listening to the original audio file for yourself because the performance of the VA is incredible
Spoilers under the cut
(Only Kumada's side of the conversation was in the audio file, for clarification)
(Intro)
"No. This is stupid. I don't want to, I'm not doing this."
"I already said no."
"Bye."
"Would you fuck off?! I don't want to do your stupid interview, God!"
"How long will it take?"
"So if I want to quit whenever, I can?"
"Tch. Privately. Privately my ass."
"Keep them short 'n sweet. Ask me something dumb and I'm leaving."
(Question 1) - Presumably, 'Do you prefer the company of your friends or your family?'
"God, obviously my friends. Like hell I would ever say my family."
"My brother would be better off dead, and my mom doesn't give a shit about anything but my brother. He's a total piece of shit, I bet he doesn't even care that I'm gone right now. I bet neither of them do."
"He's not around. Probably because Reimu drove him out. I'd leave too if I were him. Our house is a total shitshow."
"We used to get along just fine, and then Reimu just started being a total asshole and losing his shit over every little thing. You bug him even a tiny bit and he's completely exploding on you. He screams and he throws shit and he breaks shit and I'm supposed to take it without complaining because he's my brother and he's emotional sometimes, as my mom puts it."
"Which is code for being a whole adult man who still throws giant baby tantrums every time he's upset about something menial and stupid, he just… God! It's such bullshit! But because even when he's screaming at me and calling me a bitch and saying he's gonna fucking murder me and punching holes in the damn wall and throwing shit at me, I'm just supposed to stop bothering him! That's what my mom always says. 'You know he gets angry, stop bothering him, you two need to get along', it's such bullshit!"
"I… we used to get along. It's such bullshit. It's not fair. I hate him. I don't care if he's my brother, I hate him. I hope he dies, I won't cry when he dies, he won't cry for me either. Fuck him! He's the worst part of my entire life, I hate him."
"Chop chop."
(Question 2) - Presumably, 'How do you feel about Yaitabashi Sou's attempts at forgiving you?'
"How do you want me to feel. You want me to feel like shit?"
"Like shit, I guess."
"He's way too stupid for wanting to forgive me. I have no idea what his problem is! He shouldn't want to be around me, I'm a murderer! If he's that upset about Mutsuko, can't he just fuck off already? Can't he kill me or something? If he's that upset, can't he stop crying about it and just do something already?"
"I hate how he looks at me. He looks at me like I'm not even human, and- and he should! I don't care, I'm not. He can look at me however he wants, I deserve it. But that doesn't mean I should feel bad for trying to survive! I was just trying to survive. That's all it was! Anybody would try to survive, I'd be stupid to sit there and die. Mutsuko would've done the same thing if Ogura had come to her instead of me. She'd have taken us both out. I know she would've!"
"God! Gh- Yaitabashi! Yaitabashi pisses me off! He can't make up his mind on me. He treats me like shit and starts running around with Ikeda like he just wants to make me mad! And then he comes around crying and saying he wants to forgive me. What the hell is his deal?! God!"
"That's not my fucking problem. He's not my fucking problem! So why? …God, why do I feel so messed up over this?! It's stupid!"
"I don't wanna talk about Yaitabashi anymore. Ask me something else."
(Question 3) - Presumably, 'Would the outcome of the previous trial have been any different if Yaitabashi Sou was chosen as part of the Bleeding?'
"Didn't I just tell you I don't wanna talk about Yaitabashi anymore?"
"Ngh… fine. Whatever. Let me think."
"I mean, obviously we could've won. It's not like those idiots could have beaten out Yaitabashi in a trial."
"He runs every trial in this damn place. He talks circles around them. They're all a bunch of morons that eat out of the palm of his hand. Of course we'd win! I'm just trying to think of how."
"I mean, if it were up to me, we'd kill Ikeda, obviously. It solves a few problems."
"Ikeda's… He's annoying. But when it comes to trials, he… He usually knows what's going on, I guess. So I'd kill him, just to make sure he wouldn't be talking too much. Besides, he's annoying. I'd love it if he died. He pisses me off. In my perfect world, he's the next to go either way."
"But then you've gotta rip him away from that dumbass Tei. He's friends with Ruka or whatever, right? But you can't pull her into the Bleeding because she's a loudmouth. I think Ogura had the right idea with using Denden to pull in Hirose, but like hell I'd wanna pull in Denden. Isoda's… fine, I guess. So I'd just use Isoda to blackmail Hirose instead. Then I could give the last slot to Matthias since I owe him or whatever. Not really, but, you know, it's courtesy."
"Then you just have one person kill Ikeda and one person kill Tei, and you've wiped out two problems and secured half the vote. Honestly? Ogura's Achilles Heel was the shitty starter Bleeding she got stuck with. I wouldn't be jealous."
(Question 4) - Presumably, 'Have you come to terms with your actions as part of the Bleeding?'
"The hell do you want me to say? I came to terms with it. If I hadn't come to terms with it, I wouldn't have helped. I was ready to go home. Ikeda's the one who screwed everything up and made Mutsuko's death a waste. He should be the one feeling guilty. It pisses me off that he doesn't feel guilty."
"I should only feel guilty over the fact that she died for nothing. I shouldn't have to feel guilty over trying. God, I hate it here! I hate all of these people. I hate people trying to decide how I'm supposed to feel. I hate all of you."
(Question 5) - Presumably, 'Would you apologize to Mutsuko Nishiguchi for contributing to the Bleeding's plan if you had the chance?'
"God, are all of these questions just gonna be about this stupid Bleeding shit?!"
"What do you want me to say? Are you just trying to wring an apology out of me like Yaitabashi? Haven't I talked about this enough today? Haven't I literally just… ghh!"
"Of course I'd apologize to her. I killed her."
"And don't even start about how that doesn't make any sense. I'm not trying to make sense, I'm just thinking out loud, so shut up!"
"I… Whatever else happened, and no matter why we did it, I… I killed her. So obviously I'd apologize. Yaitabashi isn't gonna forgive me, so why the hell should Mutsuko forgive me? If I don't even deserve Yaitabashi forgiving me, there's no way I deserve Mutsuko."
"I think she'd forgive me anyway though, which pisses me off, I guess."
"I don't think her forgiving me matters. She's dead, so it's irrelevant. Yaitabashi doesn't forgive me, her family wouldn't forgive me. Who cares what she thinks? She's a corpse in a freezer! None of the people left behind would forgive me. It doesn't matter!"
"I… I'd apologize."
(Question 6) - Presumably, 'Do you think you can survive the killing game in your current conditions?'
"No. I don't think I can survive."
"Everybody hates me. Five people in the building have already outright proven they're willing to kill someone. All bets are off. Things are gonna pick up from here. Someone's gonna die, and it'll probably be me. Everybody hates me."
"God, it's so unfair. This wasn't supposed to be a game about making friends, I shouldn't be getting punished for trying to play the game right. It's so unfair!"
"The only way I can live is by breaking the rules. What they've set up here, I can't survive it! Not anymore. I blew it. It's done! So I have to break the rules! If I can escape, I can survive. If I can't, then I'll die. That's just how it is. There's no way for me to play and win."
"God, it's so unfair! It's so stupid! I don't want to die, okay?! You seriously think I wanted this?! You think I did all this because it was fun?! Because I didn't care about her?! Because I didn't care about him?! I did it because I don't wanna fucking die! I- I'm not even 20 yet! I don't- I don't wanna die! So I'm not playing. Because I can't play and win, I can't play and live. If I don't break the rules, I DIE!"
"God… fuck. Whatever, just ask the next question already."
"No, just- hurry up already!"
(Question 7) - Presumably, 'If you could go back in time to the beginning of the game, what would you have done differently?'
"Everything, obviously!"
(Long crying section)
"I- I'm fine, just give me a minute."
"I… I'd be nicer."
"And I'd talk to more people, I'd… I'd be part of the group because they all like each other, and they all hate me. And I just want them to like me like they like each other."
"I'm- I'm mean, and I know I'm mean, and I just- (crying) Fuck…"
"C- Can you ask the next question already?"
(Question 8) - Presumably, 'If your session's group could engage in a group activity, what would you like it to be?'
"Th- That's a stupid question."
"Nobody wants anything to do with me."
"Paint? Maybe."
"I mean, I… I- I like to paint."
"Ogura liked to paint, and- and.. I know Yaitabashi likes to draw and… Denden too, I think. (laughing) Hell, even Ikeda likes to, I mean- I- I'd want to paint. Maybe one of those things where everyone's supposed to try and paint the same thing! I don't know. Maybe that's stupid."
"Do… I… Can I ask you a dumb question?"
"Do you think we all would've gotten along if we met somewhere else?"
"I'd… paint with everyone. We could put them all up in the hall or something."
(Question 9) - Presumably, 'Would you be happy with what you have accomplished?'
"Tch- Accomplished? What the hell have I accomplished?"
"I haven't accomplished anything. I've got the gang. What else? I haven't even graduated high school, what the hell could I possibly have accomplished?!"
"No. I wouldn't be happy with what I'd accomplished. That's why I can't die yet! I have to get out. When I get out, then I can go accomplish something, and when I've accomplished something, then… then maybe I'd have a good enough excuse to die. I could burn out or whatever. Leave something cool behind."
"I think there's something wrong with me."
"I don't know. I don't know what it is. I- I think there's something wrong with me, and… and I don't know if I'm crazy or if I'm just weird or if there's nothing and I just wanna think I'm special or like… I- I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me! How am I supposed to change it if I don't even know what's wrong with me?"
"I… S- Something about me is just wrong."
"Everyone makes it look so easy. They can just get along with each other and it's all just so natural to them. They can all be fake with each other and mess around like they're all best friends and like we're not dying in here! I- I don't… I can't do that! I'm- I'm mean and I'm cynical and they hate me. And how I- How can I even blame them for that? Of course they hate me, I…"
"I hate when they're nice to each other. I hate when they hang out with each other. I hate when they talk to each other because… they… because they're not talking to me. They're not hanging out with me. They're not being nice to me. And of course they're not! Because I'm an asshole to them. I'm mean and I'm bossy and… and they wouldn't want to hang out with me, so how can I expect them to like me?! I can't."
"So what is it? A- Am I just broken forever? …I'll never be comfortable? I'll never be able to have friends because I'm just a nihilist or something? I can't loosen up and have fun and act stupid and pretend everything's fine? I… Am I really that fucked up? Am I really so fucked up that nobody is ever gonna like me unless I could be someone completely different? Mutsuko liked me. And- and… I never felt like she was better than me. Because like… Because, like, I don't know! She was fine with me being a dick. She was fine with talking about the others behind their backs sometimes. She was… I mean, it was just venting, I don't…!"
"And I killed her. Because I ruin everything I touch. And now Yaitabashi hates me, too. And… and I always felt like he was better than me, so I knew that was coming. I knew he would leave. Of course I didn't throw my neck on the line to help him. He wasn't ever going to stick around, he was too good for me! Because good people are too good for me and the only people who ever stick around are people who can still like me when I'm mean and awful and…"
"I don't know how to be anything else. And I hate it, because… Fuck, because they all look so damn happy! They're always having so much fucking fun with each other! They all get along and they all care about each other! And- and what? I'll just never have that, ever?! I'll just have to be okay with the fact that I'll never be happy and nobody will ever stay and I'll just be this awful person that nobody can ever get along with?! And I just… I- I hate it because the only way I can ever be happy like them is if I just shut my whole brain off and act like a total moron! And I'm not a moron! I can't even pretend to be a moron because my stupid brain just… I- I can't let go of anything! I can't stop thinking about all the things that make me feel horrible! I can't stop thinking about how I am a horrible person. I can't stop thinking about the fact that everything is crashing and burning and I'm gonna die! I can't! It doesn't matter what I do, I'll never be happy like they are. I'll never get along with them. I'm just going to be sad and lonely and angry for the rest of my entire fucking life! And I don't want to. I- I just wanna live."
(crying)
"I… I just wanna live. I just wanna be the kind of person who can be happy… and I can't. I'm never ever going to be happy."
(crying)
"Yeah. Wrap it up."
(Question 10) - Presumably something about being able to wish for anything or having any power of her choosing.
"I- I wish I could see other timelines."
"I want to see what my life would be like if I wasn't just wrong. I want to see what the future would be like if I just died. If anyone would care. If it would change anything, if people would be nice to me. If I finally just went and died. If people would be friends with me, if I wasn't so fucked up."
"I… I just want to know."
"Nobody. N- Nobody's even going to care when I die. That's why I have to leave. Because if I die in here, they're going to forget I was ever even here at all. And- and nobody's going to miss me. I need to get out, b- because the second I'm dead, I never existed at all."
snowghoul
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