balderdash

a blog for harry potter-related text posts, including jokes, headcanons, meta, character studies, analyses, and more

[beaft]

i’ve put on the first harry potter movie to keep me company while i draw, and can i just say: the way that harry+co immediately jump to suspecting snape of Nefarious Evildoings simply because he’s kind of a dick will never not be funny to me. they don’t even know he used to be a death eater at this point. they know literally NOTHING about him they’re just like “well he was mean to me in class the other day, so he’s probably a spy for voldemort” “yeah that seems legit. let’s set him on fire” 

[bitchyglitch]

Harry+co: the vibes on this man… disgusting…

[goodboylupin]

The reason Harry never truly grasps the depth of Ron’s insecurity about being least loved until witnessing the destruction of the horcrux is because Ron has been Harry’s most loved since the day they met.

[romiones-archived]

i can see why people think harry was dumb for only ever using expelliarmus but… he’s so good. the boy is good, he has such a good heart.. of course he only ever tried to disarm someone

[otterandterrier]

Harry Potter using Expelliarmus instead of any other spell even while in grave danger is literally a lesson about his character, what makes him special, what marks him and defines him as Voldemort’s foil. Anyone who calls him dumb for real over this can fight me.

[iwontaskforever-deactivated2019]

Listen I’ll stop trashing Snape as soon as someone can give me a good reason for Neville Longbottom, the boy whose parents were tortured to insanity by someone who is still alive, to be more afraid of Snape than anything in the world.

[batmansymbol]

petunia dursley is lowkey such a phenomenally well-developed character. not in the sense that she has a character arc, really, but in that the reader’s understanding of her transforms entirely by the end of the series. on page one, she’s a stock archetype and gossipy punchline, but by the end of DH, we understand her to be a woman whose childhood wish curdled into the worst type of jealousy and insecurity, an anger that went on to define her worldview and determine the course of her life. all of this drawn with a few short conversations with lily and tiny peeks-behind-the-veil like her rote memorization/recitation of Dementors “guard[ing] the wizard prison, Azkaban” even decades after hearing those words.

petunia is horrible to harry, and the narrative doesn’t afford her more empathy than she deserves. this is all very clearly a villain’s origin story. but given that our whole generation grew up pining to go to hogwarts, i’m surprised i don’t see more recognition or exploration of the dark places that her hogwarts wish eventually turned. it’s just another form of “it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”: petunia, denied her dream, thought the only way she could be happy was to fixate on its opposite. either way, it’s all about the life she never got to live.

[bethboxin]

Ron just got his howler from his mom yelling at him for stealing the car. He seems super embarrassed and most of the Great Hall is laughing. But here’s the thing:

Ron is 12 years old.

Ron stole a car.

Ron fucking stole a fucking car at the age of TWELVE.

I would not be laughing at him. Ronald Weasley is a fucking bad ass. When was the last time you jacked a car Malfoy? That’s what I thought. Bitch.

[dinosaurrainbowstarfish]

Harry woke up at 3 am, wrote this, and went back to sleep.

[disneyprinceronweasley]

i wonder when harry told ron and hermione that the dursleys used to make him live under the stairs

[disneyprinceronweasley]

ron: i’m sorry you have to share my room we don’t have much space

harry: that’s fine i used to sleep under the stairs at the dursleys

ron: you slept where now?

[andthisisabitofboth]

*cut to the whole Weasley family dog piling on Ron to prevent him from somehow storming to Privet Drive to kick some ass*

[quinnzyy]

Bold of you to assume they would stop him instead of join in

[emptyjunior]

okay but neville longbottom as head of gryffindor house and there’s all these stories of him going head to head with an army of werewolves, being tortured by death eaters and killing Voldemort’s snake with godric gryffindor’s actual sword but when the students see him he’s like cradling a pot plant and crying cause he saw someone lost their pet on the noticeboard and they’re like “that guy? are you sure it’s that guy” 

BONUS: one of the older student’s get dared to go up and ask him if it’s true and neville just makes direct eye-contact and says “voldemort was a punk bitch” and continues knitting a lil baby sweater for a mandrake

[quillsand]

the number one argument i hear being used against romione is ‘they’re not intellectually compatible and hermione wouldn’t be satisfied with ron’s mediocrity’ like ?????????? what books have you read????? where are you getting these ideas?????? why are you dismissing someone’s intelligence just because it’s shown in a different way??????? why are you acting like the only way to be intelligent is academically??????? why?????

like there are so many different ways to be intelligent, just because it’s not shown in an academic sense doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. please stop.

[ohdumbledore]

#OKAY HERE WE GO: #RON CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR HARRY TO USE FELIX FELICIS TO COLLECT SLUGHORN’S MEMORY #RON CAME UP WITH THE IDEA TO USE BASILISK FANGS FROM THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS TO DESTROY THE REMAINING HORCRUXES #HE FIGURED OUT WHERE HARRY WAS IN DH WHEN HE AND HERMIONE WERE LOOKING FOR HIM [ROOM OF REQUIREMENT] #HE FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE THE DELUMINATOR TO GET BACK TO HARRY AND HERMIONE WHEN THEY WERE SURROUNDED BY SUCH EXTENSIVE PROTECTIVE SPELLS #THAT THEY WERE HIDDEN FROM THE MEDIA #KIDNAPPERS #AND THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC ITSELF #HE DEFEATED MCGONAGALL’S CHESS SET IMPLEMENTED TO OBSTRUCT HIGHLY SKILLED WIZARDS/WITCHES/WARLOCKS AT AGE ELEVEN #HE WAS ABLE TO PRODUCE A CORPOREAL PATRONUS AT AGE FIFTEEN OR SIXTEEN #WHICH EVEN HERMIONE HAD TROUBLE DOING #HIS EXAM RESULTS WERE ALMOST IDENTICAL TO HARRY’S EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT HARRY GOT ONE GRADE HIGHER THAN HIM IN ONE SUBJECT #HE WAS THE BEST LIAR OUT OF THE THREE #FOR EXAMPLE - WHEN HE PRETENDED TO BE PETTIGREW IN THE MALFOYS’ BASEMENT #WHEN HE ESCAPED FROM THE SNATCHERS WHILE ALONE #WHEN HE POSED AS DRAGOMIR DESPARD #SO WHEN YOU SAY RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY IS UNINTELLIGENT #YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF BC HE WAS ACTUALLY EXTREMELY SKILLED AND PRAGMATIC #F U C K    Y O U  (via reigulus)

[kabaks]

the older i get the more i realize what it meant for lily and james potter to die at 21. when you’re 11 and you’re reading the books, watching the films, 21 feels ancient. it did to me. even the actors they picked looked like they were in their thirties, because actual 21 year olds standing next to harry in the mirror would have been an excruciating sight i think. actual 21 year olds lined up in the photo sirius shows harry would have been horrible to see. they weren’t adults. i look at 21 year olds now and most of them are still teenagers. and i’m so sad because you know harry turns 21 and then 22 and then 28 and 29 and realizes how terribly young his parents were, how brave they were, how exceptional they were, GOD I’M SAD IM GETTING A BEER

[scaredywolf-blog-deactivated201]

[moomoobooboo-deactivated2020102]

I love how Harry just genuinely likes Luna. Not in a romantic way, but in a “I don’t know how or why but I get you and you get me and I’d be honored to call you a friend and if anyone messes with you I’ll wallop them” kind of a way. I think he just marvels at her level of don’t give a fuck and her absolute sense of self. And then he and Ginny partially name their daughter after her (Lily Luna) and that to me is just fucking precious.

[thisisnowgone-deactivated201308]

You have to at least ship their friendship.

[themarchrabbit]

It’s because Luna leaves him alone. Harry feels upset? Luna talks about her newest theory on whatever magical creature she believes exists. He feels down and depressed? Luna distracts him by talking about Amazon river spirits. Luna gives Harry what he needs, in that she reminds him he is not the center of the universe. That’s what he wants. Harry never wanted to be the savior of the Wizarding World. He never wanted any of it, and he hates that his parents died for a prophecy about him, and he hates thinking about his miserable childhood.

Everyone else keeps accidentally reminding Harry of who he has to be.

Luna is so absorbed in knowing she never once cares about his name as a legend. He’s Harry, her nice friend who holds her shoes for her when she wants to walk barefoot in the woods so she doesn’t startle the moss-people.And he never complains about her oddities, like so many people, and she appreciates that.  And for him, she’s Luna, the friend who just needs him to hold her shoes for her. Luna never wants anything from him but for Harry to hold her things and listen to her talk and give his own input to her theories, mad as they might be at times. When Harry is with Luna, it’s always these quiet, content moments. She’s a bit mad, yeah, but she gets him. And he gets her.

Harry will fight anyone who calls her “Loony Lovegood”. Even though she doesn’t care, he does.

[spicyh0tramen]

I just read “Hufflepuff isn’t a house where you can stick people who don’t fit in the other houses”

But the thing is? It literally it is, Helga Hufflepuff said she would take the rest.

She preferred the loyal and hardworking for her house, but felt that everyone should have a chance. Not a Gryffindor, a Slytherin, or a Ravenclaw? Not a loyal, hardworking Hufflepuff either?

Well that’s okay. Helga Hufflepuff founded her house believing anyone should be given a chance at Hogwarts. Those four archetypes aren’t all that matter, and if you don’t fit any of them Hufflepuff will still welcome you. 

Godric/Rowena/Salazar were perfectly happy to say “You don’t fit into our houses, you can’t come to Hogwarts” and it was only Helga who was willing to say “You might not fit my ideals of a student, but you can still be in my house”

Like. I think that’s super cool. I don’t like it when people shoehorn Hufflepuff into being one and the same like the rest of the houses, sure, loyalty, hardworking, kindness.. that’s the priority.. but it’s truly a place for everyone. And that’s where Hufflepuff’s kindness shines the most.

‘I’ll teach the lot And treat them just the same.’

‘Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest and taught them all she knew’

Hufflepuff’s pride as a house comes not only from loyalty, hardworking, toil, and kindness, but from diversity. Something the other founders did not realize the importance of.

[october31st1981]

I always laugh when somebody declares James Potter on the verge of expulsion for his pranks in fic because Malfoy was literally a Death Eater trying to kill the Headmaster and Dumbledore was like “Let’s just see if we can gently guide him away from this” I’m pretty sure the only thing that gets you expelled at Hogwarts is if you have already straight up murdered someone

[tacticalmoonbeam]

Tom Riddle: *straight up murdered someone*

Dumbledore: *keeps an annoyingly close eye on*

[solongloserse-deactivated201808]

hagrid got expelled for keeping one (1) spider under his bed

[october31st1981]

Hagrid got expelled because his spider was blamed for one (1) murder

[goodfellowsfriend]

Hagrid got expelled because he was half giant and they found a convenient excuse.

[baconandmegz]

tea

[fanonical]

every patronus hermione granger has ever produced was done with the memory of how it felt to deck malfoy right in his smug bastard face

[writing-prompt-s]

Harry, Hermione, and Ron are killed early in their search for Horcruxes. Voldemort orders a full invasion of Hogwarts to find the remaining ones. In a panic, Hogwarts is evacuated. One student slept through the evacuation order: 4th year American transfer student Kevin McCallister.

[library-mermaid-blog]

I would like to go on the record as saying….i hate this…….

[elementarymydearfandom]

He’d win

[library-mermaid-blog]

That is part of why….I hate it……bc I genuinely to the core of my being believe that Macaulay Culkin could probably have finished Voldemort faster than the golden trio & Dumbledore combined…………this kid could play a fake recording of Dumbledore saying “Merry Christmas ya filthy animal” with the sound of spells being fired off from the Room of Requirement and Tom Riddle would be tf out of there so fast & slip on a Portable Swamp and fall down a changing staircase…………..

[alrightevans]

maybe the most ridiculous thing harry ever did was leave figuring out the second task until it was literally the early hours of the morning before it took place and he was still in the library?? like the first task was literally to fight a dragon, if that doesn’t scare you out of procrastinating til the last minute i rly don’t know what will??? i have never related to him more

[charlesoberonn]

Muggle World: We’re sorry, Harry, you won’t get to compete in the contest. There must’ve been a glitch in our systems. You weren’t supposed to be in the draw at all, you’re too young.

Wizard World: Send this child to the death games! The goblet has spoken!

[babyboicthulhu]

the Wizard World is a lawless hellscape