musings

she/they • some scribbles I make when I'm feeling particularly reflective and melancholic and should be working

[scribbles-from-her]

Watching my mom stand over her parents' grave. At some point, I stopped being sad to have lost grandparents. Rather, i can't stop thinking about the little girl who can never call her mom again. And how someday that will be me

[scribbles-from-her]

An apple tree in my grandparents backyard

Claimed by nature now

A gnarly tire swing my cousins race to

Long since cut down on land I cannot visit

Sitting along my parents gravel drive

Old and rotten before I was even born

Gone now, but I remember when the stray kittens would sit in her chest

I can't stop thinking about abandoned and dead things

[scribbles-from-her]

It is 2025. I am staring at your house on Google maps. Clicking back the years. Scanning every frame for glimpses of you. Please, be more than a ghost inside a house. Come to the window. Let me see your face again. I am 50 feet away. The arrows only point left and right. Come to the door. Let me in. It is December. I am staring at your porch. The flowers are blooming. It is 2012.

[scribbles-from-her]

I have a memory of reading girls' palms in my elementary school bathroom

For a while, I thought I must have forgotten this great skill somewhere along the way

But maybe I just wanted to hold girl's hands