-> THE BURDEN OF TOMORROW
synopsis: kamski reveals the one thing you know to be true as a lie: your humanity. connor canāt rightly sit idly by as you struggle to re-find yourself.
word count: 4.2k
ships: connor x reader, hank anderson & reader
notes: iām skipping from fandom to fandom like iām fucking window shopping huh. anyway connor the pinerrrr. connor the ultimate denier of feelingssssss
related reading: HEAD OF FALSE SECURITY MASTERLIST
You had been against the idea from the beginning. In your head, you traced the different ways Kamski would turn you, Hank, and Connor down ā āIām too busy to answer some stupid questions,ā or āGo away, Iām trying to enjoy being a retired billionaire,ā or āIām Elijah fucking Kamski, and who the fuck are you supposed to be?ā
But his android, Chloe, had welcomed all of you. And you couldnāt ignore how Kamskiās face brightened ever-so-slightly when he saw Connor. But it confused you even more when his eyes flitted to you and his expression brightened even more.
He started talking after he got out of his red-granite-lined pool, which didnāt really interest you. Your eyes turn to one of the Chloes thatās standing off to the side, her eyelids fluttering a little as she presumably scans you. When sheās done, her lips tilt upward in a smile and her head cocks to the side a little. Itās like⦠she knows you, or something. Like she was smiling because she saw an old friend.
Kamskiās voice cuts through your thoughts. āChloe?ā
Chloe immediately walks over to Kamski, her bare feet making soft sounds against the tile, then muffled by the carpet. She sinks to her knees when he puts a hand on her shoulder and pushes slightly.Ā
āWhat interests meā¦ā Kamski moves so heās standing next to where Chloeās kneeling. ā⦠is whether machines are capable of empathy.ā
He moves so his back is turned on all three of you, and opens a drawer of a side table near the window. āI call it the āKamski Test.ā Itās very simple, youāll see.ā
Kamski turns with his hands raised. One of them is holding a pistol by the barrel, in a way that it would be impossible to fire. Once heās established that heās not a threat, he moves forward and places the grip in Connorās hand. Connor curls his fingers around it on instinct, his index on the trigger.
āWhat are you doing?ā You interject.
Kamski looks over at you and smiles. Itās like youāre proving something to him. What youāre proving, you donāt know.Ā
He moves Connorās arm so that the sights of the gun are trained on Chloeās head. āItās up to you to answer that fascinating question, Connor. Destroy this machine, and Iāll tell you all I know. Orā¦ā
Kamski makes a half-circle and stands beside Connor. āSpare it, if you feel itās alive. But youāll leave without having learnt anything from me.ā
Hank scoffs and rolls his eyes, gently hitting your arm with an air of can you believe this fucking prick? āOkay, I think weāre done here. Cāmon, letās go, both of you. Sorry to get you outta your pool.ā
You put your hand on Hankās arm to still him and stare at Connor. His LED flickers between yellow and red, circling in on itself quickly as he stares down at Chloe. His eyelids flutter slightly as he tries to process everything around him, calculating and sorting every possibility into neat percentages.
āConnor?ā You say softly, trying to break him from his trance. āConnor, come on. This is a waste of time ā you donāt need to do this. It could mess with yourā¦ā you gesture at your forehead vaguely. ā⦠microprocessors or whatever.ā
Kamski exhales slightly and smiles. He takes the pistol by the barrel, gently taking it from Connorās hand. Connor looks at Kamski, then back down at Chloe.
āAmazing,ā Kamski breathes out.
āYeah, amazing, I care about Connor.ā You roll your eyes. āLetās go.ā
Connor catches your eye and nods. āI wouldāve been okay. Shooting the android wouldnāt have impacted my microprocessors or any of my other biocomponents.ā
āThe kidās just worried,ā Hank cuts in. āNow, cāmon. Weāre leaving.ā
āWait ā one last thing.ā Kamski brushes past, walking to the far wall. He presses his hand to a biometric scanner on the wall, causing it to let out a sound akin to a hiss as it opens. It creases vertically, then folds back.Ā
You let out a small sound of disbelief as you take in what Kamski revealed. Lining the walls of the hidden compartment is⦠information, yes, but not information about deviants. Itās information about you.Ā
Photos of you as a child, teenager, adult, and projections of what youād look like as you aged. Reports on how youāve been performing as a detective. Maps of interrelationships, circles labeled with names and a web of color-coded lines connecting them.
And, on the back wall, are blueprints. Youāve seen these types of schematics before ā theyāre for androids.Ā
Kamski turns and smiles when he sees your shocked face. āSo it worked. You firmly believed you were human. Am I wrong, Detective?ā
You feel a hand on the top of your back, and only barely register Hank shuffling you towards the exit as you stumble. āThis is fucked. I donāt know what the hell youāre trying to pull, Kamski, but weāre out.ā
āN-no, Hank, wait āā You dig your heels in, never once looking away from the hidden compartment. āWait, Kamski, what is this?ā
āJust an experiment.ā Kamski follows your eyes and looks inside. āA personal pet project.ā
āTheyāre not your goddamn passion project!ā Hank snaps, ushering you along with a bit more force. āNow leave the kid alone.ā
āHank, please, I want to see āā You crane your neck, still trying to look.Ā
āThis is damaging to your psyche,ā Connor says, taking your arm and helping Hank herd you. āI ā we need you operating at full capacity, for the sake of the case.ā
āThere it is, again!ā Kamski laughs. āThat beautiful thing, empathy.ā
He walks into the room leisurely, like itās a parlor instead of⦠whatever it is. āI donāt blame you for being curious. Youāre a violent and irrepressible miracle, Detective.ā
You struggle against Connor and Hankās holds as you try to see more of the secret room. āWh-what do you mean? Hank, let me see! I need to know whatās going on!ā
You grab Hankās arm with your free hand, tugging on his coat. āHank, I promise Iāll be okay ā just five minutes. All I need is five minutes! Please, let me do this. I just need to figure out what this is, then we can go. Just five minutes.ā
Hankās mouth curls into a scowl when he hears the emotion and pleading in your voice, his eyebrows furrowing as he thinks. His eyes fall to the floor, then flick to Connor.
āI highly advise against that,ā Connor says evenly, but his worry is betrayed by the way his jaw clenches. His fingers tighten around your upper arm. āNot only will this definitely cause irreversible psychological damage, it could possibly lead to a mental break.ā
āFive minutes, Connor.ā You look into his eyes. āHow much damage can five minutes do?ā
āA lot!ā Connor says. But after a moment of eye contact, his eyes soften and he relents. He lets go of your arm and takes a step back, his shoes clicking against the tile.
Hank does the same, removing his hand from your back. He sighs and crosses his arms. āFive minutes, kid. Thatās all you get.ā
You immediately turn on your heel and rush into the room because, knowing Connor, heād probably set an internal timer already. You hear both Hank and Connor follow you, standing at the edge of the doorway.
You scan the room, then pick out what to look at and what to question Kamski about.Ā
āThis.ā You point at a small tablet, showing a muted video of you dancing drunkenly at a crowded party. Youāre wearing a hideous necktie like a headband and you get your face right in the camera as soon as you spot it. You can make out the words youāre saying ā or, rather, yelling ā āWhatāre you waiting for, man? Letās party with Miss Page-Three all the way to Disco Ze-e-e-ero-o-o-o!ā
You turn to Kamski. āWhat is this? Why do you have it?ā
āEvery person moves in a unique way,ā Kamski says, shrugging slightly. āAndroids already have a specific set of movements. I analyzed the way you moved ā the way a human moved.ā
āMoved?ā You echo back. āWhat do you mean, moved? Donāt you mean move? Like, the present continuous verb?ā
āI didnāt misspeak.ā Kamski turns to a paper organizer on a desk and starts to flip through it.Ā
You exchange a glance with Hank, then Connor. Hank is more obvious with his unease, but you can tell Connor is fretting, too. He just keeps it in his mind, still silently calculating.
Kamski pulls out a manila folder and hands it to you. You turn it over and read whatās on the front. Typed out in neat Courier New is your name, your birth date, and a random date from a few years back ā Feb. 21, 2034.
You undo the clasp and dump out the documents on a nearby desk. Whatās inside only causes further confusion ā thereās a photocopy of a will, a death certificate, an incident report, and photos of a car crash. The death certificate is⦠itās yours, but it canāt be. Can it?
You pick up one of the pictures and hold it close to your face. The car is a mangled mess of metal, lit by red and blue police lights. Peeking out from underneath the rubble, limp on the concrete, is a hand. Your hand. And itās stained with fresh, wet blood.
āConnor.ā Your voice comes out weak and strained. You canāt lift your eyes from the photo. āConnor, get over here.ā
Connorās footsteps sound, quick and almost rushed. āYes, Detective?ā
āScan this.ā Your hand shakes as you hold the photo out to Connor. āI-is thisā¦?ā
Is this real? You want to ask. Please tell me itās not, Connor. Connor, please-please-please tell me this is some stupid joke. Iām not afraid of dying, but what if I already have?
Connor leans down a little, his eyelids and LED flickering as he scans it. His face falls as soon as his LED resumes circling normally. āItās⦠yes. I found a document containing that picture, but I⦠Iām not permitted to access it.ā
āOkay, but thatās just s-some random wreck, right?ā You laugh nervously, trying to ignore the lump growing in your throat. Can androids even cry? āIt ā itās not me.ā
Connor reaches down and sorts through the documents. When he comes across the death certificate, he freezes. His eyelids flutter as he scans it. He looks over at you, slowly.Ā
āNo,ā you whisper. āConnor, it⦠it canāt be real.ā
āIt is,ā Connor says softly. āDetective, I⦠Iām so sorry.ā
And, just like that, youāre disconnected. Youāre outside of your body, stuck in the passenger seat and controlling a video game. Thereās a lag to every movement you make. You recall some term you heard in a college psychology course you were required to take ā disassociation. You vaguely register that this is what youāre feeling.Ā
With more effort than it should take, you turn to look at Hank. His expression, shocked and appalled, causes the dam to burst. Your shoulders shake as you cry, hot with misplaced shame.Ā
Connor wraps an arm around your shoulder, gently pushing you out of the room and towards the exit. Hank pats his shoulder, telling him to āGet them to the car ā Iāve got a few choice words I need to exchange with our friend here.ā
The car ride was tense, and that atmosphere transferred into Hankās home. He had asked on the way back if you were okay being by yourself, and you were honest and told him that no, youāre not. He had sat you down and assured you that he wasnāt mad, he didnāt feel betrayed ā he just needed time to think and adjust to this new change.Ā
He had turned in an hour ago, just a little past three in the morning. You know you couldnāt sleep if you tried. That left you and Connor in Hankās living room.Ā
Youāre laying on the floor with Sumo, his head on your chest and drool staining your shirt. One of your arms is propped behind your head, your other hand absentmindedly combing through Sumoās fur.Ā
The silence is only broken by the ceiling fan clicking with every rotation and your breathing ā artificial breathing, you suppose.
āDid you go into standby?ā You ask softly.Ā
āNo,ā Connor answers from his seat on the couch. āWould you like to talk?ā
āMaybe.ā You trace the pattern of Sumoās fur, then look over at Connor. āItās just⦠I donāt feel like an android. And I have lots of memories. I remember going to Chicken Feed with Hank for the first time. He got me the best goddamn burger in Detroit. I remember finding a Lucky Star bottlecap when I was a kid ā the, uh⦠the ones from that one sarsaparilla? With the blue star on the bottom. Androids donāt have memories like that. Memories from their childhood. Memories that make them feel things.ā
Connor stands from the couch, then sits by your side. He puts his hand on Sumoās head, gently tracing the white streak that cuts through brown fur. The fan continues to click as Connor thinks for a few moments, LED swirling as he does.
āI feel things, sometimes,ā he says softly. āBut not like how a deviant feels. I have a built-in reward system meant to keep me motivated. But sometimes Iām rewarded even when I do something unrelated to the case.ā
āLike what?ā You smile up at him. āPetting Sumo?ā
Connor smiles softly, glancing away, then back to you. āYes.ā
You laugh softly, your eyes staying on Connorās face, tracing this new expression. He doesnāt smile a lot, but youāre grateful for every second that he does.Ā
His brow creases a little, his smile disappearing. āAre you feeling alright? I want to know if youāre⦠I know this revelation has affected you negatively, but I just want to know of your general mental state.ā
You sigh quietly, looking up and following one blade of the fan as it rotates. āI mean, I thought I had it all figured out, yāknow? Thereās a giant ball, and thereās evil apes. And the evil apes are just⦠dukinā it out on the ball. And Iām one of them. Itās basically all just evil apes dukinā it out on this giant ball.ā
Connor tilts his head to the side. āAnd in this scenario⦠what are androids?ā
āAndroids donāt exist in this scenario,ā you say. āAndroids are too perfect. Like fine porcelain china. Theyāre for the future. I figured this out when I was young, before androids were everywhere. When there was just a giant ball and evil apes.ā
āHm.ā Connor shifts slightly, so that his thigh is just barely pressed against your side. āAnd what do you feel now?ā
āI⦠I donāt know.ā You sigh. āI feel⦠kinda guilty, I think? Because, yeah, itās bad. This doesnāt have any upside to it. But itās not bad for anyone else aside from me, and Hank, to a lesser degree. Itās not death, or war, or ā god forbid, pedophilia. Itās just me.ā
You go quiet as you watch the fan rotate. Your fingers find the tags on Sumoās collar, the tag with his name and Hankās address and number clinking against his rabies vaccination tag.
āHumans are complicated,ā Connor eventually says.Ā
You snort. āTell me something I donāt know.ā
āIā¦ā he sighs. āI know you didnāt mean to deceive me. But I canāt believe I didnāt know ā or at least have an inkling.ā
āShit, I deceived myself.ā You laugh humorlessly. āYouāre okay, Connor. You donāt need to change to accommodate me.ā
āAdaptability to unpredictable human behavior is one of my core features,ā he says.
āAm I really unpredictable?ā You ask. Your eyebrows furrow as you fidget with Sumoās tags. āOr, actually ā am I really even human?ā
Connorās LED flashes yellow as he looks down at you, his eyelids fluttering as he scans you. He blinks a few times and his LED returns to a calm blue.Ā
āYouāve fooled my sensors,ā Connor says. āAnd, if I mayā¦ā
His hand hovers over yours, which is still fidgeting with Sumoās tags. You nod as you feel your heart skip a beat. He grabs your hand and lifts it to his solar plexus, right in the middle of his chest.Ā
āDo you feel that?ā Connor asks. āItās my thirium pump. Biocomponent #8456w.ā
Sure enough, you feel a soft thrumming beneath your fingers. Itās not quite like a heartbeat, but a steady hum that fluctuates. Strong, then a steady decline to weak, then back to its strongest.Ā
You nod again, not trusting your voice at the moment.Ā
Connor moves your hand so that itās resting on your own chest, right over your heart. You donāt really make an effort to check your heartbeat but, just like the last time you remember checking, thereās a steady beat.Ā
āYou have a heart,ā he says.Ā
āAn artificial one,ā you chime.
āYes,ā Connor relents. āBut it proves that youāre not like me. Not a full android.ā
āFor all I know, Kamski cobbled me together in his creepy basement,ā you try to joke. āDo you think he has one? Or is he too rich?ā
āDetroit is located alongside a river,ā Connor says. āThe soil contains too much water for basement construction to be feasible.ā
You roll your head a little, looking up at him. āYouāre too literal. Donāt you have a humor microchip or something?ā
Connor smiles slightly. āUnfortunately, no.āĀ
āYes, you do!ā You laugh and turn your hand over, grabbing his and shaking it gently. āYouāre smiling. And you made a joke. A kind-of joke.ā
Connorās smile falters when he looks down at your connected hands. Itās not like youāve laced fingers with him or anything, but it was still kind of intimate.
You clear your throat and let his hand go, instead carding your fingers through Sumoās fur again. You can feel a blush creeping across your face. Once more, the room is only filled with the clicking of the fan with every rotation and your breathing.Ā
āI donāt know what to do,ā you eventually sigh out. āI wish I could just wake up and start the day over. But then I open my eyes and the time has still passed and Iām still here. I still have to go through⦠whatever this is.ā
āYou donāt have to go through it alone,ā Connor says. āHank would never abandon you, andā¦ā His LED flickers yellow. āNeither would I.ā
āYouāre weird,ā you say softly. āYouāre weird for that.ā
Connor nods, slowly. āMaybe. But youāre vital to this case, whether you believe it or not.ā
āI do,ā you say. āKinda. I just need time. I can see the end, which is whole acceptance, or just not caring. I mean, all the pieces arenāt here, I still need to find them, but still. I get all the pieces, somehow, something else, walla-walla-bing-bang ā my android-ness doesnāt bother me anymore.ā
āWalla-walla-bing-bang?ā Connor echoes, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.
āI donāt know what it means.ā Your eyes flicker to his and you smile at his confusion. āI think I heard it somewhere once. It just felt like the most appropriate thing to say.ā
Connorās face softens and he mirrors your smile. āThat does seem like an appropriate thing to say, yes.ā
You keep looking up at him for a moment, just looking into his brown doe eyes. You swallow thickly as your thoughts race. Thereās a sudden lump in your throat that you try your best to ignore and clear away.
āConnor, Iā¦ā You reach for his hand. He meets you halfway, gently holding your hand and resting his thumb on your knuckles.Ā
āAm I a deviant?ā
Are you going to turn me in? You want to ask. Please donāt. Please, Connor. I need you to trust me, just like youāve trusted me before. Iāll be vigilant. Iāll figure this out. I promise. Please.
āNo.ā Thereās no hesitation or doubt in his voice. āAs far as Iāve figured out, youāre designed to act like a human. Youāre meant to fool others into thinking youāre really human ā because thatās what you were, before. Deviants are androids with mutations in their code. Your code is meant to mimic human emotions and rationale. So youāre just following your instructions.ā
āInstructions.ā You look down at your joined hands. You shake them a little as your lips draw into a thin line. āThatās what we both come down to, right? Instructions.ā
āYouā¦ā Connor thinks for a moment. āYes. But the instructions in you are nuanced, and sometimes contradictory. Iām not calling your code faulty ā in fact, it rather reflects human behavior to a tee.ā
āSo Iām⦠at least a little human.ā You close your eyes, resting your head on your arm thatās propped behind your head. āHuman enough.ā
āHuman enough?ā Connor echoes.
āYeah. My lungs burn when I hold my breath too long. It hurts when I stub my toe and I feel electric when I hit my funny bone. I cry and my tears taste salty instead of tasting like⦠I donāt know, cleaning fluid.ā You open your eyes and look up at Connor, as if asking him to confirm.
āAndroids do have optic cleaning fluids, yes,ā he says.
You smile and laugh lightly, your gaze returning to the fan blade. āOptic fuckinā cleaning fluidsā¦ā
You sigh softly. āGod, Hank was right. This is fucked. An android investigating androids and some⦠cheap copy of whoever I used to be. And, of course, a Lieutenant whoās slowly killing himself day-by-day.ā
āYouāre not a cheap copy,ā he says. āTypical CyberLife androids cost nine thousand dollars, but custom models could cost more. Personally, my development and production costs total to just over four million, and every new RK800 model costs eight thousand.ā
Connor soothes his thumb over your knuckles. āYou mustāve cost Kamski a fortune.ā
His words immediately go to your heart like youāve been pierced by a scorpionās tail. But instead of venom, itās an injection of sweet feelings and erratic butterflies. If you didnāt know better, youād say that his whispered words and damn-near reverent tone was intentional.Ā
āThatās⦠that sounds kinda romantic,ā you say, then remember yourself. āI ā I mean, romantic as in, like, the Romantic era? Like, itās a romantic idea. That Kamski loves his work so much that he couldnāt bear to stop and continued to push the envelope⦠even if he pushed it a bit too far, with an android replacing a real-life, actually-dead human and whatnot.ā
Connorās LED blinks as he thinks. He stays silent for a while, just looking down at his hand thatās holding yours and thinking.
āYouāre starting to act like me, yāknow?ā You squeeze his hand. āA synthetic human instead of a true android.ā
His LED stops flickering and he meets your eyes. āI am not a deviant. I have a rigorous self-testing system to make sure any signs of deviancy donāt go undetected.ā
āOkay, okay,ā you relent. You glance down to your conjoined hands, then back up into those doe eyes.Ā
āDid you mean it?ā You ask softly. āEarlier. When you said that youād stay.ā
āOf course,ā Connor answers quickly.Ā
āReally?ā Your eyebrows crease. āBecause itāll take years. Itāll be depressing. And itāll be boring. Iāll be worse than Hank. I donāt expect you to reward me or to applaud my every move, because I know thatās how normal people are all the time.ā
āBut youāre not normal,ā Connor says with a smile. āEven before your entire identity was uprooted.ā
āConnor!ā You laugh and let go of his hand to swat at him, then grasp his hand again. āAlright, alright. Iāll get a bit of the Normal in me. A touch of the Regular. Exactly four grams of Johnny Normalcop.ā
āDonāt.ā He squeezes your hand. āIt would be detrimental to the case if you were to focus on restructuring yourself in a different way. You donāt need to sanitize your personality.ā
You smile up at Connor. āSo you like me.ā
His LED flickers yellow, then returns to blue. āYes. I enjoy working alongside you as you are. You donāt need to be any amount of Johnny Normalcop.ā
You shake your joined hands gently, your smile growing so wide youāre sure you looked a bit stupid. āYouāre sweet. You know that?ā
āI am somewhat aware.ā Connor brings his free hand up to rest on top of your connected hands.Ā
And, just like that, you know everything would be alright. Nothing would ever be the same, yes, but it would be alright. It wonāt be easy, but you just need to move on. Uncertainty is a core tenet of detective work.
When life closes a door, it opens a window. And if the fall is too steep, use the fire exit. Run to the roof, because Connor will be there when you jump to break your fall. The most important thing is to keep moving. Keep dreaming. CyberLife canāt reclaim their lost property if you keep running ā very, very fast, from one Earth-shattering revelation to the next.Ā














