i find it funny to think that the version of grace that took pills from strangers without knowing what they were (assuming that he wasnt *entirely* joking when he said that) is also the same version of grace that called the leading scholar in his field a "staggering waste of carbon" lmao... i would read a full novel about grace's college experience / 20's im so serious
Some people prefer sunlight.
Eva Stratt always liked storms better.
Inspired by Midnight Rain - Taylor Swift
Staring: Ryland Grace x Eva Stratt, Rocky
Rain hammered against the deck through the middle of the night while the naval vessel serving as the Project Hail Mary command center continued along its scheduled route toward shore. They would reach port in only a few more weeks.
Dim orange safety lights glowed across the outer corridors, reflecting against the wet metal floors while automated announcements repeatedly warned the crew about slippery surfaces. Past midnight, even those warnings finally fell silent.
Stratt stood alone near the edge of the deck, one hand wrapped around the cold metal railing. Rain soaked through her hair and clothes alike, plastering strands of red against her face as if she intended to let the storm pass straight through her.
She knew it was dangerous.
She also knew standing out here made absolutely no sense.
But after weeks of caffeine, sleeplessness, endless meetings, endless decisions, endless people demanding answers from her every waking hour, she was tired.
Their voices had become too loud.
Too constant.
The rain made the world quiet for a little while.
“Hey!”
The familiar voice shattered the silence beneath the storm, followed by hurried footsteps slipping slightly against the wet deck.
Of course it was him again.
Ryland Grace emerged through the rain wearing his bright yellow waterproof jacket, looking somewhere between worried and irritated.
“This is dangerous,” he called out over the storm. “What are you doing out here?”
One hand gripped the railing to steady himself while the ship rocked beneath them.
“Use your brain,” Stratt replied flatly. “The rain calms me down.”
Grace frowned as the downpour continued around them.
“You’re going to get sick.”
“Probably.”
She sounded completely unconcerned.
Grace let out a long sigh before pulling down the hood of his jacket.
“Okay,” he said. “Then I’m staying with you.”
Stratt turned slightly.
“You’re doing what?”
“Use your brain,” he repeated, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Research is stressful. People should be allowed to have time alone sometimes.”
Then he added:
“And if you jump overboard, I’m jumping too.”
That finally made her laugh.
“Titanic?” she asked. “You watch more movies than I thought, Dr. Grace.”
“If you actually jumped, no, I definitely wouldn’t jump after you,” he admitted with a quiet laugh. “Education robbed me of all my dramatic instincts. But I would try to save you.”
Silence settled over the deck again.
Grace stayed there beside her, letting the rain soak through his clothes just like she did.
After a while, he spoke softly.
“It’s cold.”
“Mhm.”
So they stood there together, completely drenched.
The night ended with security officers yelling at them through a megaphone for being outside while the warning lights were still orange.
They both received written warnings.
Not that it mattered much.
Everyone on the ship knew exactly who held the most authority there.
The next morning, Grace found a bottle of fever medicine and instant mint tea sitting on the corner of his lab desk.
He had a pretty good idea who left them there.
The whole thing had started because he couldn’t sleep.
While wandering the inner corridors late at night, one of the younger security guards had nervously stopped him and claimed there was a woman crying alone on the outer deck.
A ghost.
Ridiculous.
They were running the most advanced scientific project in human history, not starring in a haunted ship documentary. Besides, what kind of ghost stood in the rain just to get soaked?
His second thought had been more reasonable.
Burnout.
Too many people trapped together for too long in a confined space. Too much pressure. Too little rest.
Someone might have been close to breaking.
So despite being very much the kind of person who hated horror movies, Grace forced himself to go outside and check.
The woman turned out to be Stratt.
And she had not been crying.
She had simply stood there alone beneath the storm, letting the rain drench her completely.
Grace still did not fully understand why.
But a rain-soaked warship deck in the middle of the night was not a place she should have been standing alone.
Was she okay?
Or had the pressure finally become too much—
He stopped himself there.
Better not to assume.
So he walked over to her instead.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rain tapped softly against the biodome.
Grace stirred awake slowly, half buried beneath sleep, still caught somewhere between memory and reality.
For a moment he thought he was still dreaming.
Rain?
On Erid?
“Grace. Wake up. Open door.”
Rocky’s voice echoed from outside alongside several impatient knocks.
Grace dragged himself upright, washed his face, brushed his teeth badly and quickly, then stumbled toward the entrance.
“Coming, coming.”
The moment the door slid open, cool damp air rushed toward him.
Rain.
Actual rain.
Grace blinked in disbelief as the scent of wet soil filled the air. Technically the smell came from bacteria in the dirt, but that still counted.
“You guys made rain?”
His blue eyes lit up immediately.
“We make ocean for Grace,” Rocky replied proudly. “Why not make rain for Grace too? Close door.”
“Right, sorry.”
Grace pulled his cap on to shield himself from the drizzle.
“Rain helps soil. Plants grow better. Grace can grow more trees.”
“There’s already one,” Grace said, pointing toward the large tree near his home. Special, of course, because of the xenonite reinforcement, but still.
If the biodome became stable enough, maybe someday he really could grow forests here using the seeds left aboard the Hail Mary.
“Want many more,” Rocky said happily. “Trees. Flowers. Rare woods. Hardest material in galaxy.”
That still amused Grace a little.
Wood truly was one of the rarest materials in the galaxy because trees could only exist in worlds capable of sustaining life.
The Eridians found that endlessly fascinating.
“Okay,” Grace agreed.
It was a good first step.
Together they walked along the artificial shoreline beneath the gentle rain.
After a while, Rocky asked:
“Why Grace wake up late?”
Grace smiled faintly.
“I dreamed about someone from Earth.”
“Friend of Grace? Person Grace send Beatles to?”
“Mhm.”
Rocky made a small dissatisfied sound.
“Rocky not like her. She force Grace.”
Grace laughed quietly.
“Yeah. She did.”
Then he glanced upward toward the falling rain.
“But if she hadn’t forced me, I wouldn’t have ended up here either. I think she had her reasons.”
“Still not like her.”
“That’s okay, Rocky.”
Grace smiled softly.
“We probably won’t ever meet again anyway.”
The rain reminded him of her.
And suddenly he found himself wondering if she still stood in storms like that.
.
.
.
.
.
A woman in a yellow rain jacket stood quietly beneath the falling rain.
No longer cold.
No longer exhausted.
No longer carrying the weight of the world alone.
— End —
Notes:
It's raining in my town today. I was talking to a friend and we got the idea that there are people who prefer rain to sunshine, and we thought Grace might like rain too. And yes, Eva does as well. And I saw some fan art of Eva wearing a yellow jacket; it matches perfectly. Enjoy reading as always, and yes, as always, I'm translating from my own Thai writing. Please forgive any awkwardness in reading.
Humanity survived.
Earth became beautiful again.
And somewhere between the sea, the sunset, and fifty years of distance, Ryland Grace finally remembers who his last kiss belonged to.
Inspired by One Last Kiss - Utada Hikaru
Starring: Ryland Grace x Eva Stratt , Rocky, Dr.Lamai, Dr. Lokken, Carl
The launch date for the Hail Mary mission was drawing closer by the day. After spending what felt like an eternity aboard the military vessel serving as the project’s headquarters, the researchers and crew had finally returned to life on land. Outside working hours, most of them took every chance they could get to relax somewhere beyond the base perimeter.
Ryland Grace, however, exhausted from months of relentless work across every phase of the project, chose to spend his free time inside the prefabricated housing units provided by the ESA and the Russians instead.
There were strict regulations regarding key personnel, especially the astronauts. Separate accommodations were mandatory. Though from what Grace had seen, DuBois and Shapiro were not particularly dedicated to following that rule.
As for him, a scientist who had somehow ended up doubling as Stratt’s administrative assistant, he apparently did not qualify as “important personnel” enough for anyone to care very much. During his free hours, he still occasionally sat around chatting with Dimitri and Lokken, though lately he had the strange feeling she was avoiding him. She never quite looked him in the eye anymore.
As for today’s plan?
Sleep.
Yes. The grand ambition of a sleep-deprived man in his thirties who had barely rested in weeks. Honestly, what could be better than sleeping?
By the time he finally dragged himself out of bed, lunchtime had long passed. He had not even decided what to eat yet. His hair was still a complete mess when a knock sounded at the door, followed by a familiar calm voice.
“Dr. Grace. Are you in there?”
Stratt.
He quickly grabbed his favorite jacket and threw it on. Opening the door, looking freshly dragged out of bed, probably was not a good idea. He ran his fingers through his hair in place of an actual comb, attempting to make himself look at least remotely presentable before opening the door.
“What’s the emergency?”
His voice still sounded half asleep.
As far as Ryland remembered from the schedule, today was supposed to be Stratt’s day off, too. Still, she did not look that different from her usual work mode.
A long coat layered over a knitted vest and a gray shirt. Wide, dark trousers that almost resembled a skirt, hanging low enough to cover her favorite sneakers nearly. Her red hair was loosely tied up into a half-bun that looked far less severe than usual.
…Okay. Slightly different.
Softer, maybe. More relaxed somehow.
Apparently, he had been staring too long because she cleared her throat at him.
“Come with me.”
.
.
.
.
.
.
Grace finished getting ready in less than ten minutes before Stratt practically dragged him out toward the parking area.
Apparently, she had borrowed a car from the administrative division.
What surprised him even more was this:
“You sit. I drive.”
“…Where are we going?”
“Using our day off.”
That was all the explanation she offered before climbing into the driver’s seat and starting the engine.
Grace sighed and obediently slid into the passenger seat.
Honestly, he was getting used to this by now. Stratt dragging him around without warning had somehow become a recurring event in his life.
There were regulations regarding important personnel, especially the astronauts. They were supposed to stay separated as a precaution against accidents. Yet somehow, he and Stratt seemed to exist in a strange little loophole outside those rules.
He fastened his seatbelt automatically, then paused before leaning across the console to pull hers over as well.
“Uh… safety first,” he muttered awkwardly.
The corner of Stratt’s mouth curved upward slightly before she pressed down on the accelerator.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The launch facility for the Hail Mary had been built near the mouth of the bay facing the open ocean. Naturally, since the area was heavily restricted, the surrounding landscape remained far more untouched than most places nearby.
The weather today was perfect.
Warm sunlight.
Cool wind.
Not too cold.
Not too hot.
Stratt rolled down the car windows slightly, letting the sea breeze drift through the vehicle alongside the soft music playing on the radio.
The atmosphere was so nice that Grace briefly considered sticking half his body out the window just to feel the wind better.
He wisely kept that thought to himself because, somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized he was starting to resemble a golden retriever enjoying a car ride.
They barely spoke during the drive.
Grace had no idea where they were going, though, considering Stratt had chosen to drive out alone with him without Carl or any sort of security escort, the destination probably was not far from the base.
Eventually, the forest lining the roadside gave way to the sea.
Grace stole a glance toward her from the passenger seat.
She looked… lighter today.
Her expression was softer than usual, and the tension she carried during work hours loosened just slightly. Her fingers tapped quietly against the steering wheel while she hummed along to the music beneath her breath.
Relaxed.
More relaxed than he had ever seen her.
The car slowly turned onto a smaller road.
At the very end of it stood a beach and a long stone pier stretching toward a white lighthouse overlooking the ocean.
Stratt parked near the viewpoint.
Once the engine stopped, Grace unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped outside.
Apparently, this place was some kind of scenic lighthouse stop. He had never been here before, though Stratt clearly had. She walked ahead toward a row of small shops before slipping into a blue wooden building that turned out to be a café.
Grace followed closely behind her.
“I already ordered coffee,” she said. “What do you want?”
Grace had not eaten anything all day, and his stomach had finally begun protesting loudly enough to become impossible to ignore. He settled on a bagel sandwich, one of the few savory items available on the menu.
Even though he already knew eating it would probably require enough force to shake the entire table.
“Okay,” Stratt replied before handing her card to the cashier.
“I can pay for myself.”
“I already did.”
Then she simply walked away toward what was apparently her usual table outside, leaving Grace standing awkwardly at the counter.
Always two steps ahead.
Always deciding everything first.
Never particularly concerned with how anyone else felt about it.
He honestly could not decide whether that was her greatest strength or her worst flaw.
After lingering near the dessert display for a moment, Grace eventually noticed the staff bringing their drinks and sandwiches outside. He headed toward the table where Stratt sat facing the ocean.
She lifted her coffee cup with both hands, blue-gray eyes drifting toward the shoreline while the sound of waves rolled quietly through the air.
“You mind if I interrupt your moment?” Grace asked as he pulled out the chair beside her.
Truthfully, she could have come here with anyone.
It was probably coincidence that their schedules aligned today.
And maybe she simply did not have anyone else she wanted to bring.
Grace had always noticed the distance she maintained between herself and the rest of the staff. A clear boundary between commander and personnel.
Oddly enough, that boundary seemed almost nonexistent when it came to him.
Maybe because, according to everyone else aboard the project, he had somehow become her unofficial second-in-command.
Technically, she was still his boss.
And Grace had learned long ago that antagonizing people more powerful than himself rarely ended well.
As long as she did not cross his boundaries too far, he found himself letting her get away with almost anything.
“No,” she answered softly, offering him a small smile.
“You’re probably hungry. Eat.”
Thankfully, the bagel sandwich had already been sliced into manageable pieces.
Grace usually hated eating in front of other people, but Stratt seemed far more interested in the ocean view than in him, so he finally relaxed enough to start eating.
“Do you come here often?” he asked.
“Every break.”
She set her coffee down and stretched her legs slightly beneath the table.
“People from the base rarely come here because they don’t serve alcohol. The coffee is average. The food is average. The view is the only thing people remember.”
Grace glanced toward the ocean.
“I agree.”
The sandwich disappeared embarrassingly fast.
Honestly, it was absurdly overpriced.
Grace only noticed then that Stratt had slipped off her shoes and socks, letting her bare feet sink into the soft sand beneath the table.
She must have been exhausted.
At the end of the day, she was still human. A person carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Pulling herself away from the suffocating atmosphere of work, even briefly, was probably necessary.
Grace was not entirely sure whether she had anyone to talk to besides Carl, Lokken, or Dr. Lamai. He knew almost nothing about her background, her family, or the life she had before all of this.
Maybe taking off the Commander Stratt persona for a while and simply becoming Eva again was good for her.
By the time they had left the base and driven all the way here, several hours had already passed. When she finally drained the last of her coffee, the sun had begun sinking lower toward the horizon.
Gathering what little courage he had, Grace suggested they take a walk along the beach.
Stratt did not refuse.
She walked barefoot across the shoreline, carrying her shoes loosely in one hand as she headed toward the stone pier leading to the white lighthouse in the distance.
Grace walked quietly beside her.
“How many sunrises and sunsets have you watched this year?” she suddenly asked.
The sky around them had begun turning orange, streaked with pale violet, beautiful enough to belong in a movie scene.
Grace glanced sideways at her.
“I didn’t think someone like you would ask questions like that.”
“This is outside working hours, Dr. Grace.”
She frowned slightly before nudging seawater with her foot.
“Mostly sunrises,” he admitted. “Because I stay up working all night. But I never counted. After spending so much time on the ship, my internal clock feels completely broken. You too?”
“Mm.”
Her voice softened.
“I suppose I’ve been working you too hard.”
“You work hard too, Eva.”
The moment he called her by her first name, she slowed.
Then stopped entirely.
She turned back to look at him.
His bright yellow jacket stood out vividly against the colors of the ocean and evening sky wrapped around them.
“Sometimes I forget you have another side to you,” Grace said honestly.
“Like that night on the ship. Your voice was beautiful.”
Stratt stared at him silently.
“I didn’t think you sang,” he continued, quieter now. “I think… I’d like to hear it again someday.”
The sound of waves swallowed the silence between them.
Then suddenly, soft warmth brushed against his lips before he could process what was happening.
Grace froze.
Her face was close.
Too close.
Her lips had touched his for only a second before she pulled away again.
Thank you.
He read the words from her lips beneath the fading light of sunset.
The sight of her standing there beneath the deepening purple sky, wind catching strands of her red hair as they streamed behind her, was almost painfully beautiful.
For one impossible moment, Grace wanted time to stop.
Just a little longer.
But reality returned abruptly when seawater crashed against his legs hard enough to soak the cuffs of his pants and his shoes.
Then came Stratt’s voice again.
Calm.
Composed.
Back to sounding like herself.
“We should head back now.”
.
.
.
.
.
.
Several weeks had passed since the explosion at the facility. Now, standing before Eva Stratt was the hospital bed where Ryland Grace lay unconscious, already sedated in preparation for the coma procedure.
“I’m giving you ten minutes.”
Dr. Lamai’s voice was calm and professional. Everything had already been prepared. The life-support systems only needed to be connected.
She didn’t know every detail behind the situation. Only that Dr. Grace had volunteered to take DuBois’s place, and that to prevent him from panicking during launch procedures, he had agreed to be placed into a medically induced coma. The consent forms bore his signature clearly enough. Dr. Lamai had no objections.
Once the door closed, the room was left with only the highest-ranking commander of Project Hail Mary.
Stratt stepped closer to the bed and looked down at his sleeping face. Carefully, she brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead with her fingertips.
“Carl and I packed all your things for you,” she said quietly. “We even bought a few extra things.”
She took his hand gently in hers and gave it the faintest squeeze.
“Can I kiss you goodbye, Grace?” she murmured. “Though I suppose asking now is pointless. You can’t answer me anymore.”
Her blue eyes lingered on him once more.
They had known each other for quite some time now. Nearly five years spent together on this project. Their relationship had always been difficult to define — part colleagues, part friends, part commander and subordinate… and something else neither of them had ever truly named.
And now…
This was how it would end.
No.
This was how it had to end.
Eva Stratt had long accepted being hated, condemned, cursed to hell itself if it meant the world would survive.
And for her, hell was standing right here.
The world had to come first.
It always would.
So she kissed him goodbye there, beside the body of a man who would never know she had done it.
Not long after, Dr. Lamai returned to continue the procedure.
Eva made her way to the observation deck for the launch.
It was a bright afternoon, clear skies stretching endlessly overhead. She stood in silence, watching the culmination of years of sacrifice, the project she had given her life to, rise toward the heavens in a blaze of fire and light.
“May God protect you.”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Several decades had passed on Erid.
By now, the biodomes worked perfectly. The Eridians had dug through every corner of humanity’s archives, consuming Earth’s knowledge with endless curiosity, including human relationships.
“What is a kiss, question?”
Rocky asked it suddenly one late afternoon.
Grace, who had been sitting in his living room unsuccessfully trying to repair his own clothes, answered in the same patient tone he used with his students back on Earth.
“It’s… physical contact humans can’t really do alone. Let’s go with that explanation.”
“When last time Grace kissed, question?”
Of course, Rocky immediately dug deeper, as he always did.
Grace set the half-mended fabric down onto the table and rested his chin against his palm.
Honestly… he couldn’t remember.
He truly couldn’t.
For the longest time, he assumed it had been with Linda. And by now, who knew what had become of her and Mark? They had probably grown old together decades ago.
“It’s been a really long time,” he admitted. “Long enough that I probably forgot how to kiss someone.”
“Grace's memory is bad. Courtship also bad.”
Rocky sounded dissatisfied with the answer.
“Well, I don’t exactly need to court anybody here.”
It was the truth. He was the only human being on this planet. Survival alone had taken everything he had: food shortages, Erid’s gravity, adapting to an alien world…
Romance had not exactly been a priority.
“Anyway,” Grace said, “what brings you here this late? You usually come by in the morning.”
“Oh. Important thing for Grace.”
Rocky rummaged through the bag strapped across his body for a moment before pulling out a small storage device and handing it to him.
“Hail Mary receive message from Earth. Took time to figure out how to remove data. Rocky thinks it is important for Grace.”
Grace stared at the hard drive in surprise.
Even though he still hadn’t agreed to return to Earth, the Eridian engineers continued maintaining Hail Mary regularly just in case he ever changed his mind.
“Okay,” Grace said quietly. “Let’s watch it together.”
He plugged the drive into his computer.
It surprised him that messages were still arriving at all.
By his rough calculations, nearly half a century had passed on Earth. Relativity had distorted time strangely enough that he himself had only aged a few decades since leaving, but back home…
Almost everyone he knew was probably gone.
Including…
The image on the screen was different from the one in his memory.
Her bright red hair had faded with age into pale silver-white. Fine lines marked the years she had survived through. But her eyes remained the same sharp, steady, unwavering blue-gray eyes.
And the beanie on her head…
Wait.
Was that his old beanie?
Maybe not.
Maybe.
“Dr. Grace,” Stratt said through the recording, “if this message reaches you, I want you to know that humanity survived because of your sacrifice.”
Then she smiled faintly.
“Thank you for the journey.”
And suddenly…
something surfaced in his memory.
The road is unfolding beside the car window.
The scent of coffee.
The sound of waves against the shore.
A lavender-purple sky at sunset.
A white lighthouse standing at the edge of the sea.
Oh.
Oh no.
Like something buried for so long he had forgotten it was ever real, the memory finally returned to him.
It hadn’t been Linda.
It had been…
“Okay, buddy,” Grace said softly.
“I remember my last kiss now.”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
More than thirty years later…
Earth had become beautiful again.
Just like it was before you left.
-End-
Notes:
Hello again! The "Writing Out of My Head" project has begun again. I got the idea for this fanfiction from Utada Hikaru's song "One Last Kiss." Try reading the translation if your mind is strong enough. As always, I translated it from my own Thai fanfiction. I hope you enjoy it. I would be very happy if you like it and leave a comment. Happy reading!
When someone is gone, what's the first thing people tend to forget? Scent, Voice or their Face? For Eva, It start with his scent
Notes:
Hello everyone! This fanfiction is a translation of a Thai fanfiction I wrote. English isn't my native language, so please forgive any mistakes. I hope you enjoy it! I included a small reference to a quote from Number Six in "The Gray Man". If you've seen the show, you'll know which line it is. I did quite a bit of self-doubt before finally posting this. I hope you'll leave some comments. Thank you, and God bless you.
Trigger Warning – Mentions of death, funerals, imprisonment
_______
When someone is gone, the first thing people forget is their scent.
His… Dr. Ryland Grace's signature scent was the coffee he drank cup after cup to keep himself awake, mixed with fabric softener that smelled like sunshine, or perhaps just ordinary deodorant, nothing remarkable. Probably because he worked at a school, wearing cologne like some vain young man wouldn't have suited him. And once he holed himself up in the lab, these academics never cared about anything except their discoveries anyway.
Because it wasn't particularly memorable, a strong woman like Eva, who devoted herself to work more than to sleep, had already forgotten it.
Next comes the voice.
The voice that she remembered was probably his soft humming in the lab. The song "Memory" from Cats, the musical, which Eva assumed must be a favorite of his, judging by the T-shirt Ryland always wore.
"Memory All alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days I was beautiful then I remember The time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again"
Whenever he was caught humming while working, he'd scratch his head awkwardly to brush it off, then turn back to whatever he was doing, or report his latest findings in a stern voice. As the days passed, a feeling Eva hadn't felt in a long time came rushing back. It always showed its telltale signs whenever she encountered Dr. Ryland Grace, her sly fox. (The crew called him that; how could she not know? The ship wasn't that big.)
"Please. I'm begging you. Don't do this."
The last words she heard from Ryland's lips weren't even a farewell. They were a plea, a helpless supplication with no room for resistance.
Deep down, Eva wished their parting could have been simpler, more dignified. But since the one being forced into a one-way mission couldn't come to terms with it, she had no choice but to take a harder approach.
She must have fallen in love with his brain. They had both fallen in love with each other's brains. Strip away the emotions and leave only the science: falling in love is just a chemical process in the brain. What she was responsible for was far too great to let brain chemistry take control.
When the Hail Mary finally launched into the sky, all she could do was say a silent goodbye, hoping quietly that the little fox charm and the Saint Christopher medal for travelers would keep him safe on his journey. That was something she could accept and do without betraying her principles.
The last thing to go is the face.
Time passed slowly as the Hail Mary traveled through our solar system before crossing into another star system. The first signal received from the Hail Mary was not good news. Instead, it was data confirming Captain Yáo's death. Though they had lost one, hope remained. Stratt continued to insist on the success that would come if the Hail Mary reached its destination.
Countless things can go wrong in space. Years later, when the signal from the Hail Mary returned to Earth, it was bad news once again. What was supposed to be a progress briefing became a memorial service for those lost in the depths of the cosmos.
The faith that the international community and the public had placed in the Hail Mary flickered out. Yet Stratt stubbornly maintained, believed with all her heart, that Ryland Grace was still alive.
The memorial was held simply, lasting one week for people to pay their respects. Photos of all three were arranged together in the great assembly hall, adorned with flowers and wreaths according to each person's religion.
Eva hated that photo. But she couldn't find a better picture of Ryland. The face of the man who had traveled billions of miles from Earth looked far too solemn in that memorial frame.
On Grace's side, former students now grown enough to accept that their favorite teacher had departed on a mission to save the world came to lay flowers and letters.
When the enormous international budget was wasted, and humanity's hope was extinguished, the world naturally needed someone to bear responsibility for this despair.
On an ordinary Thursday, leaders and nations around the world betrayed her just as she had betrayed him, sending him unconscious on a journey to the great beyond, above the atmosphere. Her immunity from prosecution was revoked. Eva Stratt, the iron-willed woman who had held absolute authority over the project, became a prisoner in a high-security French prison.
They spared her the death penalty but gave her something worse: life imprisonment. An orange uniform replaced the dark-toned clothes she usually wore. Its color resembled a space suit. As time on Earth passed, days into months, months into years, wrinkles began to show clearly on her face, and her hair started to fade. The routine inside her cell wasn't so different from a routine in space, really, everything had to follow a schedule and assigned duties. Wake at the designated time. Eat at the designated time. Work. Sleep at the designated time.
His face in that memorial photo haunted her for a long while on sleepless nights. In that state between sleep and waking, she half-dreamed of seeing him in his yellow jacket, standing still and watching her from a corner of the room. Eventually, he would fade away. As the days went on, the repetitive daily routine made her forget his face at last.
And yet, Eva still believed in the Hail Mary. Even as her memories of Ryland Grace grew hazy with time. In the end, through connections she had built over her career, she finally got herself out of prison.
The world had changed by now, just as expected. Wars had broken out in many regions. People were beginning to starve as the climate grew colder by the day. She assembled a small team to revive tracking of Project Hail Mary once more.
And on an ordinary Thursday, hope arrived safely on Earth.
He didn't look much different from before. Time in space was a wondrous thing. Her memories of him began to return, vivid once again. This time, it seemed Ryland Grace was no longer alone.
"You're a smart person. You'll figure out what to do."
So that's what his voice sounds like. A shame the little beetle couldn't bring back his scent.
Stratt smiled, then softly hummed the song she once heard Grace singing in the lab.
"Daylight I must wait for the sunrise I must think of a new life And I mustn't give in When the dawn comes Tonight will be a memory too And a new day will begin"
SHORT FIC - PHM Fic - Waltz in Vienna, Before the world ends #strattland
Summary:
Commander Eva Stratt does not waste time.
Not on social events.
Not on unnecessary travel.
Certainly not on dancing.
And yet—
For one night in Vienna, she makes an exception.
Rylan Grace almost crosses a line.
Stratt chooses to remember it.
Note: I tried to find the place for strattland nation I wrote this after coming across a post on X where someone mentioned wanting to see Grace and Stratt at a gala together. I couldn’t get the idea out of my head, so I decided to write it and translate it from Thai to English.
I’ve never been to Vienna, but I hope I’ll get the chance to visit someday. If there are any mistakes, I truly apologize. English isn’t my first language.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this 💛 I posted it on AO3 too. https://archiveofourown.org/works/84145816
__________________________________________________
The sea is calmer than usual today.
Another day aboard the research vessel stationed in international waters for Project Hail Mary. Some of the newer researchers, fresh from land, are still dealing with seasickness despite how steady the ocean looks.
Grace barely notices it anymore.
He has adapted to life at sea, or at least something close to it. The ship is large, but everything is regulated. Time, resources, even comfort. The system is designed for efficiency, to keep operations running smoothly without relying too often on supply runs.
Even water is controlled.
Some systems convert seawater into freshwater, but that does not mean freedom. Showers are timed. Usage is monitored. Rules are rules.
Sometimes he goes up to the deck and looks for land out of habit. There is never anything there. They are far beyond the point where the coastline exists.
So he looks up instead.
In the sky. At the stars.
Like some ancient sailor navigating by things he cannot touch.
Today is another day of data.
Grace stares at his screen, already annoyed.
Outlook crashes again.
He exhales sharply and refreshes it for the third time this morning, watching it fail in exactly the same way.
“Of course,” he mutters. “Perfect.”
Right as he is deciding whether to restart the entire system or just give up on email as a concept entirely, a voice cuts through the room.
“Doctor Grace.”
He turns almost immediately.
Eva Stratt stands at the entrance to his lab space, red hair unmistakable, posture as composed as ever. No warning. No preamble.
As always.
“You have ten minutes,” she says. “Pack what you need and meet me at the helipad.”
Grace blinks.
“…I’m sorry, what?”
His brain lags behind the words. Too early. Not enough sleep. Possibly both.
Something small arcs through the air toward him. He catches it on instinct.
A bottle of motion sickness pills.
“For the helicopter. And the plane,” she adds, her tone even. “You will need them. You now have eight minutes. Are you coming or not?”
“Wait, wait. Where are we going?”
“Vienna.”
That is all she says.
Then she turns and walks away, as if the explanation is complete.
Grace stands there for half a second longer, staring after her.
Then it hits him.
“Wait. Vienna?”
He is already moving, grabbing what he can before rushing out of the lab and down the corridor toward his quarters.
____
At the helipad, the moment the engine starts, the wind from the blades slams into them.
“This is really necessary?” Grace shouts over the noise.
“Yes,” Stratt replies without even looking at him.
Being the head of Project Hail Mary is not just about allocating resources, tracking progress, and reporting outcomes. There are endless documents, constant decisions, and, occasionally, public appearances.
Even with absolute authority, Stratt’s refusal to bend for anyone comes at a cost.
So sometimes, for the sake of the project’s image, Eva Stratt shows her face.
“This isn’t my job,” Grace tries again.
“The world is dying. Everyone has a job to do. Including me,” she says, her voice calm despite the chaos around them. “And yes, even so, we can attend one social event.”
He opens his mouth to argue.
Then closes it again.
There is no point.
____
He is very glad he took the pills.
He will never get used to the way this project moves.
Helicopter.
Airfield.
Jet.
And then, suddenly, the tiled spire of St. Stephen's Cathedral appears in his line of sight, unmistakable.
Vienna.
The entire trip feels unreal, like something out of a spy film where distance means nothing and everything happens too fast to process. Their host handles everything. A car and security detail are already waiting when they land, ready to escort Stratt and Grace straight to their destination.
Hotel Sacher Vienna.
It is… excessive.
Grace steps inside and looks around.
The suite is enormous, closer to a penthouse than a hotel room. A central living area connects two separate bedrooms. The furniture is elegant, soft-toned, expensive in a way that feels deliberate but not loud.
It is nothing like the places he usually stays for conferences.
“Don’t get too comfortable,” Stratt says, setting her bag down as she moves toward the other bedroom. “You have thirty minutes. The team will be here.”
“…What team?”
A knock comes at the door.
Stratt answers in German. A group of strangers enters moments later, carrying garment bags and large cases.
…Right.
That kind of team.
____
It is surreal.
After being told to shower, without any time limit for once, Grace stands under the water far longer than necessary until someone knocks to remind him he is not alone here. Then a group of people descends on him, adjusting, fixing, arranging, turning him into something that looks far more put together than he feels.
Clothes. Hair. Details he has never cared about.
At some point, when they finally leave him alone for a minute, he pulls out his phone and opens YouTube.
Search: how to waltz beginner
Stratt told him they would have to dance tonight.
Of course she did.
He did not win that argument either.
“Okay… one, two, three… one, two, three…”
“Please stay still,” the makeup artist says.
“…Right. Sorry.”
“Okay…”
____
Grace looks at himself in the mirror once they are done.
The tuxedo fits perfectly. Black, clean, tailored.
“…not terrible.” He squints a little.
“If you squint hard enough,” he mutters to himself, “this is basically Ryan Gosling. Just… the nerd version.”
He nods, as if that settles it.
Contacts were not an option, so the glasses stay.
“Good enough.”
It is already getting dark outside. He glances toward the door, then heads out to check if Stratt is ready.
The moment he steps into the shared space, the door across from him opens.
He looks up.
And stops.
Stratt steps out.
A black evening gown, off the shoulder. The line of her collarbone catches the soft light. Her red hair is pinned up, revealing the length of her neck, a diamond necklace resting against her skin.
Everything about this entire day has felt unreal.
This is no exception.
Grace forgets whatever he was about to say.
Should he compliment her? Should he say anything at all?
“We’re leaving,” she says, cutting cleanly through the moment.
Flat. Precise. Unchanged.
As always.
____
The ride is quiet.
On one side, Grace is busy worrying about embarrassing himself on the dance floor. On the other hand, Stratt seems almost… distant, her gaze drifting past the window as if she is allowing herself a rare moment of rest.
The limousine slows to a stop in front of the Vienna State Opera.
The building is alive with light.
Crowds gather at the entrance, dressed in full evening wear for the Vienna Waltz charity event. Influential figures, public faces, people who belong in rooms like this.
Grace does not.
Inside, everything is brighter.
Voices overlap in German, flowing too quickly for him to catch even a single word. The sound fills the space, layered with music, laughter, and movement.
Stratt changes the moment they step in.
She speaks. Responds. Shakes hands. Smiles, just enough and never too much. She moves through the room as if she has always belonged here.
Grace follows.
Sometimes beside her, sometimes a step behind.
He nods. Shakes hands—repeats “nice to meet you” more times than he can keep track of.
And tries very hard not to think about the one thing waiting for him.
The waltz.
____
After what feels like an endless series of introductions, an announcement cuts through the room.
German again.
The performance is about to begin.
Professional dancers enter the floor in formation. The men in formal tuxedos, fresh flowers pinned neatly at their chests—the women in white gowns, square-necked, reminiscent of another era, something almost regal.
When the music starts, they move as one.
Precise. Effortless. Practiced.
Grace watches, trying to memorize patterns that slip away the moment he thinks he understands them.
The performance ends in applause.
And then it is their turn.
The guests begin stepping onto the floor with their partners.
Grace exhales under his breath.
“...You’re kidding me.”
“Do I actually have to dance with you?” he asks quietly.
“I came here with you. Who else would I dance with?” Stratt replies, already stepping forward as others take their places.
“I’m going to embarrass you.”
“Then don’t.”
Before he can argue further, she takes his hand and leads him onto the floor.
Applause rises around them as they join the others.
That does not help.
She positions him with practiced ease.
His right hand at her back. His left holding hers. Her hand comes to rest lightly against his shoulder.
Everything is closer than it should be.
“Step. Step. Turn. Don’t think.”
The music begins.
Around them, couples move in perfect rhythm.
Grace starts counting.
“One, two, three. One, two, three.”
And then he steps on her foot.
Of course he does.
“You’re thinking again,” she says.
“I’m a scientist. That’s kind of the problem. If I don’t think, if I don’t count, what am I supposed to do?”
“Stop being a scientist for three minutes. Let yourself follow the music.”
He looks at her.
“Just follow me.”
It sounds simple.
It is not.
Grace lets out a breath.
Fine.
No thinking.
Step. Step. Turn.
Let go.
The noise in his head fades.
The rhythm stays.
Her hand is still in his.
He stops counting.
And somehow, that makes it easier.
He adjusts. Follows. Moves with her instead of against the pattern.
It is not perfect.
But it works.
At some point, as she spins and returns to him, her hand finding his shoulder again, their eyes meet.
Direct.
Unavoidable.
She is… stunning.
Not in a way he can easily define. Not something that fits into equations or categories. Just something he has never seen before.
Something very few people probably ever get to see.
The realization hits him all at once.
This moment matters.
His grip tightens just slightly, not enough to be obvious, but enough to say something he cannot put into words.
You can trust me.
The music ends.
Applause fills the room.
The woman curtsies. Stratt inclines her head, measured and precise.
Grace mirrors her, a little less graceful but close enough.
He does not let go of her hand.
Not immediately.
Not until they have stepped off the floor and the moment has already passed.
Only then does he seem to realize.
He lets go quickly.
“Sorry,” he says. “I mean, sorry, I didn’t… I wasn’t…”
He stops himself before the sentence collapses completely.
____
It is late.
But the city is still awake.
The lights of Vienna glow beyond the tall windows as they step back into the suite. Stratt enters the living area first. Grace follows, closing the door behind him.
The silence between them feels heavier than it should after a night filled with music and carefully negotiated alliances.
He fumbles with his bow tie, fingers clumsy.
“I hate this thing,” he mutters, mostly to himself.
Stratt does not respond.
She walks past the furniture and stops by the window, looking out over the city. Her reflection lingers faintly in the glass. Still. Controlled. Unreadable.
The same as always.
Is it?
Grace glances at her, then finally manages to loosen the knot.
“You did well tonight,” he says.
“I had to,” she replies, her voice even, her gaze still fixed outside.
Silence settles again.
“They don’t like me,” she says after a moment.
Grace frowns slightly.
“Who?”
“Anyone with power. The kind of people who can make my work… difficult.” She pauses. “No one likes being told what to do. When this project is over, the ones who resent me might decide I’m a problem worth removing.”
Her tone does not change. It is not anger. Not bitterness. Just fact.
“Tonight was performance,” she continues. “A reminder of that.”
Grace does not answer immediately.
He steps closer, but not too close. The same careful distance as before. Close enough to stay, far enough not to cross a line.
“They think you’re a problem,” he says slowly, “because you don’t play their game.”
Stratt glances at him.
“Or because I break it.”
“Yeah,” he shrugs lightly. “That too.”
A beat.
“But from where I’m standing… that just means you’re doing the right thing.”
The silence that follows is different this time.
Not heavy. Not uncomfortable.
Stratt turns to face him fully, studying him a little longer than usual, as if weighing something that has nothing to do with politics, or the project, or the world.
“You shouldn’t say things like that,” she says.
“Why?”
“Because it makes me want to believe you.”
Grace smiles, just a little.
“Then maybe you should. Just for tonight.”
The space between them feels smaller now.
Too close.
Too long.
Neither of them moves.
Stratt looks away first.
“Go get some rest, Doctor Grace,” she says, her voice returning to its usual sharp clarity.
He nods, even though she is no longer looking at him.
“Yes… Commander.”
He walks to his room, stopping at the door.
“Hey.”
She does not turn, but she listens.
“You’re a good dancer.”
“I know,” she replies, softer this time.
He steps inside.
The door closes.
For the first time in years, Eva Stratt does not feel entirely alone.
The city lights stretch below, gold threading through the streets of Vienna. The music has long since ended, but the rhythm lingers in her mind.
One, two, three.One, two, three.
Her fingers feel cold.
Not from the air.
She should not be here.
There is no space in her schedule for things like this. Leaving the ship. Attending events. Dancing.
None of it helps save the world.
A waste of time.
The thought comes easily, as it always does.
She should go back. Back to work. Back to control. Back to where everything makes sense.
She stops herself.
She is still here.
Below, the city continues as if nothing is ending. People walk the streets. Cars pass. Life moves forward, unchanged, even with the knowledge of what is coming.
One, two, three.
She remembers the rhythm.
Not just the music.
Him.
Grace.
At first, he counted. She heard it clearly, even when he tried not to let anyone notice.
One, two, three.
Careful. Precise. Like a student trying to get everything right.
Then he stopped. And somehow, he got better.
Her fingers shift slightly, as if recalling the exact placement. His hand on her back. Steady. Certain.
He adapted.
Of course he did. He always does.
She knew that before she brought him here.
She knew everything she needed to know.
Except this.
She closes her eyes for a moment.
That look they shared.
Too long for what it was.
Too close for what it should be.
A mistake.
It has to be.
When she opens her eyes again, her expression is calm once more.
Controlled. Categorized. Contained.
Not important.
Not relevant.
Not something she needs to keep.
Just this once.
The thought comes quietly. She does not push it away.
The memory of his hand. The rhythm they shared. The music that has already faded.
Stratt inhales slowly, steadying herself the way she always does before making a decision.
He will not remember this the way I do.
Good.
He should not.
It should not weigh on him. It should not interfere with what matters.
The world matters more.
Always.
She turns away from the window.
Pain flickers through her feet, a reminder of the heels she has worn for too long. It pulls her back to the present. She slips them off and leaves them there before walking toward her room.
The silence returns, swallowing everything.
____
The door closes with a soft thud.
“Idiot…”
Grace runs a hand through his hair.
His heartbeat is too loud.
Or maybe the room is just too quiet.
He exhales, pulling off his jacket and tossing it onto the bed.
She is still there, in his mind.
The black dress. The movement. The way she followed the music. The way she looked at him.
Stratt like that is not the Stratt he knows.
Not the Commander.
Not the one who gives orders.
Something else.
Something he should not spend time trying to define.
“Get it together,” he mutters, pressing a hand to the back of his neck.
That was close.
Too close.
Another step, and he might have said something he should not. Done something worse.
This city is ridiculous.
The architecture. The lights. The music that refuses to leave his head.
It does not help.
“Yeah, right. Blame the atmosphere,” he scoffs softly.
But he knows better.
He falls back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling for a long time before sleep finally takes him, still fully dressed.
____
By morning, everything is back to normal.
Or as close to normal as it gets on this ship.
Grace finishes catching up on the work he missed and eventually retreats to the common area. There is a new ice cream machine. He notices it just as shouting echoes down the corridor.
“Grace! This is what you call souvenirs?”
Ilyukhina appears, holding up a bag filled with neatly packed chocolates, her expression dramatically betrayed.
“You went all the way to Vienna. City of art, culture, history. And this is what you bring back?” She pulls out a box from the bottom. “Cocoa blocks?”
Grace sighs.
“It’s called Sachertorte.”
“It’s chocolate cake,” she shoots back immediately. “Where’s everything else?”
He removes his glasses and rubs his temples.
“I went there to work. Not shop.”
“But you went to Vienna.”
She emphasizes the name like it is an argument in itself.
He glances around, then reaches into another bag beside him and pulls out a glass bottle, amber liquid catching the light.
She freezes.
“…Okay. That’s interesting.”
“For you,” he says.
She takes it immediately, far too quickly to be subtle.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about, Doctor Grace.”
He gives her a look.
“In exchange, you stop spreading weird rumors about me.”
She smiles.
“I never…”
“You do.”
He cuts her off.
A small laugh escapes her as she turns the bottle in her hand.
“Fine. Deal.”
A pause.
Then she tilts her head.
“But you really went with her, right?”
Grace closes his eyes slowly. The tips of his ears turn red.
“I’m taking that back.”
“Okay, okay. I surrender.”
She raises both hands, still grinning.
____
Across the room, unnoticed, Stratt watches.
Just for a moment.
When Grace pulls out the bottle, when he tries to bargain, when his composure slips just slightly, something in her expression softens.
Barely.
Not enough for anyone else to see.
But enough.
She turns and walks away before anyone can notice her.
____
The rumors spread fast.
Faster than they should.
Faster than light, it feels like.
They begin as whispers in the lab.
“…Is it true?”“I heard that…”“In Vienna…”
Grace looks up from his screen.
That is never a good start.
He tries to ignore it. Focus on the data. Numbers. Models. Things that make sense.
“…they danced all night.”
He stops typing.
“…Okay. That is getting very specific.”
____
Within half a day, the rumors evolve.
Version one. He attended the ball with Stratt.Version two. He was forced to go.Version three. He volunteered.Version four. He is an excellent dancer.Version five. He stepped on her foot three times.Version six. He could not stop staring at her.Version seven. She stared back.Version eight. They disappeared together after the event.
Grace sets his tablet down very slowly.
“I stepped on her foot once.”
Someone nearby looks up.
“So the rest is true?”
“That’s not the point.”
This is getting out of hand.
Which means it is time to deal with the source.
Grace heads straight for the astronaut training section. Ilyukhina is exactly where he expects her to be, lounging on a couch, far too relaxed, idly swirling an amber drink in her glass.
“Hey. We had a deal.”
He does not ease into it.
She does not even look at him. Just watches the liquid in her glass.
“Yes. We did.”
“You already got your payment.”
“Yes. And it’s excellent.” She lifts the glass, admiring the light through it. “Very distinct oak notes.”
Grace inhales slowly.
“Then why are the rumors still—”
“Oh please, I didn’t start them,” she cuts in, far too quickly, her tone suspiciously innocent.
“I just… didn’t deny them.”
“That’s the same thing as spreading them.”
“Not quite.” She shrugs. “I call it strategic ambiguity.”
Grace squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head.
“…You just made that up.”
“And yet, it works.” She smiles.
He looks increasingly stressed.
“Listen.” He leans forward, pressing his fingers to his temple. “Nothing happened.”
She takes a sip.
“Of course.”
“I just went to the event with her.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And we danced. Briefly.”
“Mhm.”
“And then we left.”
She tilts her head.
“…And?”
“That’s it!”
A beat of silence.
She sets her glass down gently.
“Doctor Grace, you’re really bad at lying.”
He looks up immediately.
“I’m not lying!”
A small smile forms at the corner of her lips.
“I didn’t say you were. Rumors aren’t about truth,” she says lightly.
“They’re about what people want to believe.”
Grace opens his mouth, then hesitates.
“…No one wants to believe that.”
“Oh, on the contrary.” She leans back against the couch.
“Brilliant scientist plus intimidating commander plus one of the most romantic cities in the world.”
She counts on her fingers.
“It practically writes itself.”
Grace stares at her.
“…You’re enjoying this.”
“A little.”
“I’m taking the alcohol back.”
She freezes for half a second.
“…You wouldn’t.”
He reaches for her glass. She pulls it away immediately.
“Okay, okay! I’ll help reduce the rumors.”
“Stop. The rumors.”
“Reduce,” she insists.
“Stop.”
“Reduce.”
“…Fine. Reduce.”
____
By evening, the rumors evolve again.
“He went to Vienna with her but tried to hide it.”“There was alcohol involved.”“That means there’s something to hide.”
Grace stares at the screen.
Then slowly lets his forehead drop onto the table.
“I hate everyone.”
Down the corridor, Stratt pauses mid-conversation.
“…there is nothing to be concerned about. Everything remains under control.”
Her voice is steady.
But her gaze shifts, just slightly.
Toward the lab, Grace just left.
He looks more frustrated than usual.
She is quiet for a moment, long enough for the other person to notice.
“Is there anything else?”
She refocuses immediately.
“No. Thank you.”
The conversation ends.
She turns again, watching the space where he disappeared.
She has heard the rumors.
All versions of them.
A faint smile touches her lips.
This time, just a little more visible.
Not because she believes them.
But because she does not intend to deny them either.
↣ GENRE: baby daddy; a rollercoaster of emotions; smut
↣ SUMMARY: You were pregnant when Johnny left to follow his dreams and not a day goes by that you don’t wonder if you did the right thing by keeping his daughter a secret from him. Then, unexpectedly, Johnny comes back into your life, but neither of you are sure if he’s ready to be a father.
↣ WARNINGS: mild language; some alcohol use; explicit sexual content
↣ NOTES: listening to make me move by culture code feat. karra; this is a one-shot, there will be no sequels; check the masterlist in my description for other one-shots in this collection; happy reading!
summary: selfless. that is the word you lived up for so many years. everybody knows that. but not everybody understands. so when you decide to let everything go, even your happiness, they didn't question it because again, it's you. you've always been like this. selfless. so when you say goodbye to the man you love for the happiness of your best friend, everybody thought it was fine. it might seem strange to start a story with an ending, but all endings are also beginnings. because no one ever says goodbye unless they want to see you again.
genre: fluff, angst, smut
warning: mature themes, infidelity, exes to lovers, language
wc: 10.3k
an: finally ㅠㅠ i've been working on this for way too longㅠ anyways, this is my first time trying smut, i'm still working on it, so if this seems cringey pls huhu give me time i'll be better!! i hope u guys enjoy it! xx
--
"i'm marrying johnny suh!" you heard your friend scream once she enters the diner you work at.
you halt your movements, shocked at what she just stated. your heartbeat went faster than usual, blinking as you processed what you just heard.
"you're.. what?" you looked at her, finally, and you saw her hair dishevelled, make up's ruined and she stumbled uppn walking to you.
"he asked me, to marry him at the club! you should've been there-- bestie we were making out in the dancefloor!" oh, she was drunk, alright. the hiccups between her words says so. not to mention the alcohol reeking through her scent.
just for a moment, you wanted to pinch yourself thinking all of this was a dream. it can't be, johnny is marrying your best friend? how.. why so fast?
"mina, you've been dating him for six months. are you sure you're getting married?" you managed to blurt out, fixing her hair in the process.
"yes! i'm fucking sure! i mean, have you seen him?! and have you experienced the dick game?! well-- ofcourse, you dated him but somehow it got bigger after college!" yes, you guys just graduated from college. its only been a year, and six months to be precise.
and yes, johnny was your boyfriend back in college.
you two have been going out for a year and a half before you two broke up. why, you might ask?
well, all because of you.
**
a year ago
"w-what?" you stuttered, fixing your glasses as you stared back at your bestfriend.
"yes. and i'm so sorry! i didn't mean it! he was-- i was drunk! and you're aware that i liked your boyfriend for years now and i cannot control myself! i'm so sorry!" mina, still looking at the ground after apologizing.
you, on the other hand, felt awful. you wanted to scream at her, curse at her, even hit her for pete's sake but you can't. she's your bestfriend since elementary, she's the reason you got into this prestigious college! her family had connections and mina begged them to give you the scholarship. so no, you can't just be mad at her over something like this.
yes, she just kissed johnny, the guy whom you love with all of your heart, the person you've been dating over a year now, the very same guy that you plan to be with for the rest of your life.
it hurts, so much. you wanted to ask her why johnny-- i mean, yes, she told you that she liked him. but johnny had proven himself that he loves you. so it didn't bother you, her obsession over your boyfriend, because you trust him.
"did he.. did he kiss back?" heart pacing quick, you weren't sure if you wanted to hear the answer.
mina looked at you with so much sympathy, her eyes were pitying yours, as she held your hand. with that, you knew the answer.
this isn't only mina's fault, after all. johnny did it aswell.
"listen, we were both drunk. okay? y/n, i wouldn't do that sober. yes, i liked it---"
"do you love him?" you looked at the ground as you pulled your hands from her. fixing your glasses that fogged over your threathening tears.
mina stood there, silent, and once again the absence of her statement was an obvious answer.
surely, mina would treat him better. surely, mina would be happy if you did this.
surely, it would shatter you to pieces, but anything for your bestfriends happiness, right? she had provided you everything you have right now so maybe johnny would learn to love her aswell?
he wouldn't kiss back if he didn't have any pinch of interest in mina.
yes, that's it.
your tears started to flow, as you decided on your next move.
**
so, after a month after you broke up with johnny, mina started to take action for her feelings.
what's funnier is you were the one that mina asked for johnny's interests, favourites and habits. you couldn't say no because mina was persistent. you could tell she loved him so much. and that's all you asked of, johnny being loved.
and then, months later you found out they were dating already. you were broken, upset, depressed and everything in between. but they seem so happy, so what are you complaining about? you wanted this.
what you didn't expect is johnny proposing this early into their relationship. it's been half a year since they dated and they wanna get married?
"i think this is ridiculous." you said, shaking your head as you vigurously wiped the diner's counter, mina sitting across.
"why? just because we both love each other so much-- and wanted to spend the rest of eternity with each other?" you almost wanted to say yea, it is fucking hilarious.
"no, mina. what i mean is, don't you guys think it's a bit early?"
"no? the heart decides what it wants. plus, you don't have a problem with it, right? you're over johnny, right?"
oh please. you're over him! why would she even ask that? i mean, sure, it would suck seeing the man you loved the most marry your bestfriend but you. are. over. him.
right?
"mina, no, what the hell? my point is i feel like you two should spend more time with each other--"
"no, y/n. i don't care. i'm marrying him. and you are coming to dinner tomorrow because you're my maid of honor."
•••
honestly, when you agreed to this, you had to convince yourself that it would be easy. you thought, you could be civil around johnny and mina, after all, you are all gonna be in each other's life once they get married. you've gotta be used to it.
and also, you couldn't say no to mina. remember? you owe her so much, so this little favour wouldn't hurt, right?
"y/n! i'm so glad you came!" mina stood up from her table once she saw you enter the restaurant. you gulped when you see the figure behind her, standing tall among others, johnny.
"wouldn't miss it." you gave her a smile and hugged her, as you were caressing her back, you glanced at her fianceé, and you swear you saw him look at you with worry. you knew him very well.
but regardless, that's not your realm of concern anymore. what you went here for is to support mina.
mina guided you to sit around the big table, the couple across you and johnny's friend, ten sitting next to you.
"this got to be the biggest plot twist i have ever seen in my whole life." ten snickered followed with a chuckle. you know him eversince college-- him and johnny being best friends.
"shut it. are you the best man?" you fixed your bag as you asked him.
"he's got no other choice."
you rolled your eyes, avoiding the stares that the man across you keeps on giving.
mina and johnny then stood up, greeting the other guests. you took that as a chance to wave at a waiter to ask for champagne, because you knew this was gonna be a long night for you.
"so, maid of honor, huh?" ten, also sipping from his flute glass. you looked at him and you saw his sneaky smirk.
"mina's my best friend so it was default for me to be the maid of honor." you answered, taking another sip.
"and you're dumb enough to say yes?"
"i'm smart enough not to say no to my bestfriend." you gave ten a slight tap, followed by his sognature laugh.
"you can never say no to mina, y/n." ten turned more serious. he meant what he said.
you hit him again, "nah-uh! i totally can." you lied. you know you couldn't, but you don't have to admit that ten. don't have to step on your self-worth even more.
"convince yourself that. everything in this god damn charade happened because you can't say no. even when you feelings are hurt." for a minute, you thought about it.
how many times did you have to sacrifice your own happiness for mina's sake? way too many times. but thats okay, right?
"what feelings? come on, ten. we're literally on their engagement party. are we really talking about college flings?" you had to appear that it doesn't bother you anymore. you have to be strong, even if its just pretend.
"i don't think flings get their girlfriend's birthday tattoed in their chest, huh?"
fuck. "does he still have it?" you can't help but ask, looking at johnny's figure standing there with mina, talking to some family members.
you can see ten's smirk got even brighter with your question. "052199."
you closed your eyes. he still has it.
"that's stupid. should've have it covered, mina's gonna be upset if he still have it when they get married." you tried to change the mood, back to your nonchalant aura.
"mina this, mina that. how about you, princess? aren't you upset that johnny's marrying mina?" ten leaned in, putting his fingers on your chin making you look up at him. you gulped.
ten was always touchy with you, one of the things johnny hated when you were together.
and when you broke up, oh, the flirting never stopped. hence the nickname 'princess'
"i'm not." you whispered, pushing away his hands in process. that's when you realized that johnny and mina are walking towards you.
"ten, y/n? aw, are the best man and maid of honor getting along?" mina giggled, leaning her head onto johnny's shoulder.
you smiled, "no, we aren't. i'm glad you came, ten finally could get off my ass."
"but princess, i love your ass." ten winked at you, which you just furrowed your brows and dismissed him by rolling your eyes.
"ten, i believe mandy's looking for you." johnny's voice, whom you haven't heard all night, suddenly talked.
"dude, i told you we aren't talking anymore. i'm so done with her." you hit ten,
"you're disgusting." you whispered.
"anyways! i was planning a trip this weekend, for my most intimate friends! both of you could tag along." mina winked at you, which you responded with shaking your head.
"uh, mina i might have some things to do and i can't just leave, you know my boss might kill me." you refused, begging for her to drop the topic.
"is that more important than your best friend?" mina looked hurt, giving you her signature stare whenever she wanted something out of you.
you couldn't answer, the three of them waiting for you. you gulped.
aish, "fine. i guess i have to clear my schedule."
for a moment there, you swear you could hear ten's scoff. you nudged him with your shoulder.
"yeah, i'll go, as long as me and y/n stays in one room." ten teased.
you were gonna say something but you got cut off.
"no." johnny's strict tone filled the conversation, giving ten a glare. you felt a shiver run down your spine.
after almost a minute of silence, johnny realized what he had just said and quickly explained.
"we already have reserved rooms for the both of you in mina's beach house. it would be such a waste if you two stayed in one room." he cleared his throat, coughing after. mina seemed convinced as she smiled again.
"that's settled then!" mina clapped her hands and you forced yourself to smile to match her enthusiasm.
"i'll get more drinks." you excused yourself. you took a sharp breath after turning around, finally freeing yourself from the tension both you and johnny clearly radiates.
you stopped at the bar area, sitting on one of the stools.
you ordered margarita, which was served immediately. you thanked the bartender and right after you felt presence beside you.
"ten, can you please--"
"not ten." you froze, hearing a voice you know was johnny.
"hey." you didn't bother to look at him.
"hey," he replied rather awkwardly, followed by a sigh.
"congratulations on your engagement." you felt like its one of the few things you could say without sounding nervous or bitter.
but it proved otherwise when johnny took a minute before replying, "...yeah."
you don't know if its the margarita, or the tension that clearly comes off between you two thats making this entire situation a lot harder than it is.
"when's the wedding?" again, another generic question you blurted out to fill the awkward silence.
"mina would decide. you know her, she takes control of everything." he let out a dry chuckle.
"well, i hope you two have a great night. i, on the other hand need another glass of this." you signalled the waiter.
"wait--" johnny grabbed your wrist, making you turn to him.
it felt like electricity, like a spark, when he touched you. you swore you felt it, the intensity, because this was the first time since you broke up that he even touched you.
"yeah?" you swiftly shrugged his hands away, which he noticed so he quickly pulled back.
"the reason i approached you is that i wanted to ask a favor."
you took a sharp breath, ready to refuse, because you know damn well you have had enough of giving favrs to anyone tonight.
but before you could do that, "for mina."
you mentally cursed. of course. of course he'd pull the mina card.
"what is it?" you asked.
"let's be friends, again. i know it's hard but we can't go on avoiding each other when we'll be in each other's life."
you chest tightens.
you'll be in each other's life?
that sentence had a whole different meaning a year ago. you'd always say that you two are forever gonna be in each other's life.
you didn't expect that it meant him being your best friend's husband.
"that's bullshit." you thought you had only kept the curse words in your mind, but turns out, you said it out loud.
you widen yur eyes and covered your mouth in full shock.
"excuse me?" johnny looked confused.
"i-i meant, bullshit because-- you know, we're already friends!" thank god for you quick wit.
johnny slowly nodded yet the confused reaction stayed of his face.
"t-that's good, then. see you this weekend."
"see you."
johnny is a good guy. a great guy, even. what's eating you alive is still, how nice he is to you. it's you that's making a big fuss about all this.
you're supposed to be happy! isn't this what you wanted? two of the most important people in your life is finally getting the happiness they deserved.
you shouldn't be moping around. this is good. all is good.
the weekend came, and already, you felt like wanted to go home.
all of you are in front of johnny's apartment, waiting for ten to show up. mina decided to travel together to jeju island. you didn't know you'd have to be with them the entire time but here you are.
"ten's such a bitch, making us wait for him." you rolled your eyes which isn't visible to others because of your sunglass.
while waiting, johnny was standing behind you, loading some things into his car.
mina, was already in the car, cooling off because 'she can't stand hot weather'
you don't know if you should try to have small conversations with him rather than standing here, quiet making everything more awkward. but what if you said the wrong things? wouldn't that make it even more.. awkward?
before you could even decide, johnny cleard his throat.
"you should get inside the car, y/n. sun's getting hotter." johnny, while still organizing-- or pretending to organize the trunk load.
"nah, it's fine. i'll settle in when ten shows up." you replied more casually.
"you don't have to wait for him, tho. he'll show up no matter what." johnny stopped for a minute to glance at you only to find you glancing at him aswell.
"i'm fine." you sternly addressed and looked away.
"look--" before johnny could finish, he was interrupted.
"baby girl, are you waiting for me?" ten's cheeky grin greeted you as he puts his arms around your waist.
you almost rolled your eyes and for a second there, you swore you saw johnny looking at ten's hand on your waist. maybe you're hallucinating, but you know what you saw.
is it a big deal? you don't think so. does it bother you? yep, it actually does.
"get in the car." johnny's last statement before slamming the trunk and walking around to the driver seat, leaving you startled and ten chuckling.
"oh, this will be a fun weekend." ten whispered before opening the car door for you.
fun? more like hell. how are you gonna survive this?
almost an hour into the drive, mina said she has to pee. so johnny pulled over to the nearest gasoline station.
"you want something, darling?" ten asked, as he stepped out of the car.
"i'm fine, and don't ever call me that. you sound like a creep." you said before going out aswell.
little did you know, the whole time, johnny was watching you from the rear view mirror. how ten leaned to you, how he rest his head on your shoulder as you looked out the window listening to some music. how you and ten banter back and fourth and then laughing afterwards. he saw all of that.
"come with me then, and you'll figure out what you want." ten asked, which you wanted to turn down because ten is an annoying man to be with, but you'd rather that than being stuck in the car with johnny.
"fine." you sighed and crossed your arms in front of you, as you walked with ten.
there's a lot of snacks and stalls tht actually made you appetized, so in the end, ten had bought you a corndog.
"thanks, i guess." you said to ten as you bite. ten watched you with a satisfied smile on his face.
"i've got a plan." you almost wanted to grunt when you heard him say that. you knew ten had something up in his sleeves with him going in this god forsaken trip. he had a purpose.
"no, you don't." your stopped chewing as you gave him a frown.
"it's a good plan."
"when you plan something, it's never a 'good' plan. so just, let us eat. okay?"
ten stimped his feet like a toddler. you closed your eyes in irritation. "but! i thought about this all night! aren't you at least gonna listen?!" ten whined like a kid.
you mentally cursed. you know ten isn't gonna stop until you agree with his stupid plan. so with a sigh, he understood that you gave up on disagreeing with him.
with his smirk, he started. "tell them that we're together. that we're finally dating."
you were in the middle of drinking water when you almost spitted the entire thing upon hearing his words. is ten actually going crazy?
"are you fucking insane?" you said after recovering from the shock that ten had caused. his stupid plan almost got you choking.
"yes?" ten's genuine answer almost made you hit him. "--anyways, stick with me here. we're gonna pretend that we've been dating for a month now. and we'll reveal it later at the beach house."
you're still stuck in both confusion and disbelief. why-- what, how-- you can't even start.
so, you took a deep breath to gather all your thoughts at once.
"ten, chittaphon.. i'm so fucking lost. why-- why exactly are we pretending that we're together?" the fact that his plan is so absurd, and ridiculous, makes you want to figure it out more. how does ten's brain work?
"to figure out if johnny's gonna fuck himself with this wedding or not." you understand what ten meant. you understood what he's trying to do. but still, that wouldn't budge your decision to completely blow him off.
"then why pretend to be together? what's that gotta do with me?"
ten rolled his eyes as if you're stupid. "you see, johnny's my bestfriend. yeah, he's dumb sometimes and so fucking annoying most of the time, but this thing-- that he's on the process on doing? this is serious. he's getting committed, for life. as much as i enjoy seeing him in pain, i don't think this is fair. princess, we'll find out if johnny's still in love with you."
•••
honestly, you knew this was a shitty plan. but either way, you agreed to it. why? well.. you kinda want to know too.
all your life you've been doing everything around other's terms. every decisions you've made are always set upon considering other's feelings. you feel really bad for acting out something just for yourself.
this time? you wanted to decide for your own. what if johnny doesn't really want this marriage? what if.. what if he still loves you? you know this is fucked up, mina being collateral damage but you knew you had to make sure.
because if ten's predictions were right, mina would suffer even more. her husband being in love with somebody else? imagine how'd she feel.
also, to be completely honest, you also wanted to do this for your own sake. you'd hate to admit it, but johnny just had this hold on you that makes it difficult to let him go for some reason. you feel like your book wasn't finished, the last few pages was missing.
yes, you broke up with him, leaving him with some horrible reasoning like you'd want to focus on your studies more. leaving him heartbroken, even more, confused to why you just left.
so in your own head, you thought you have to finish this chapter of your life.
if turns out he still loves you? then fuck it. you'd be selfish for once and get your own happily ever after.
if not? then maybe he genuinely loves mina afterall. you'd have to accept that and close your book. you and johnny's story would be over, finally.
this might be the shittiest way of proving it but at least you don't have to do anything immoral. you'd just have to see if you'd get a reaction out of johnny. you're not here to flirt with him. no.
"ten, dude, help me carry mina's luggage. shit, she has like four." johnny chuckled as he opened the trunk, grabbing mina's first luggage out.
"can't bro. my baby's got luggage too." ten then answered, opening the door for you and grabbing your duffle bag.
johnny didn't mind because he thought you would just reply with an irritated comeback but he was left confused when you smiled at ten, "thanks."
"no worries, my princess."
johnny was starting to feel gloomy. why'd you flirt back? don't you have a clever comeback just like always?
"yey, taeil and kun are already in the beach house! let's go!" mina excitedly clung on your arms as she pulled you inside the beach house.
ten, on the other hand, had a sentence that would make johnny feel weird.
"ugh, wouldn't be lovely if me and y/n gets married too?" ten seemed sincere, pulling johnny's heart strings apart.
"you're.. what?" johnny had to ask.
"i mean, dude, if i decide to settle down, it'd be pretty cool if it was with y/n. she's so perfect for me. she's just.."
"an amazing person." johnny finished off, glancing on your way as you laughed with mina.
"yeah-- you would know, you had her once. anyways, we should get inside, dude." ten patted johnny's back, snapping him from his gaze on you.
•••
"since we arrived a bit late, maybe we should check out the beach tomorrow?" mina announced once all of you are inside the beach house.
this beach house was from mina's father. he had gifted this house to mina when she turned eighteen. he's a COO of a huge tech company in seoul, money basically pouring on him everyday. her mother is one of the executives of seoul national university. mina had managed to get you the scholarship for the uni because of her mom.
in short, mina is crazy rich.
"so, rooms are upstairs. me and johnny on the suite, of course. the rest of you, make yourselves comfortable. we have rooms for everyone here!" mina clapped in excitement. you almost wanted to run and find a room for yourself and never get out, but ten had a different idea.
"me and y/n are gonna stay on the second roo-"
"taeil! bro, you and kun gonna cook for us, right?" johnny's noticibly loud voice once again interrupted ten, which ten just smirked at you.
ten had told you about his little hints. saying something about paying attention to johnny's little expressions everytime he mentions something about you.
you really don't know if you should read into these things but it got you interested. hm, johnny does react different everytime ten says something about you.
or maybe you're just a little bit over your head and overthinking everything.
"yeah, of course. mina, anything you'd like us to cook?" kun asked, walking his way to the kitchen.
"maybe some steak? oh, medium rare, please." mina smiled sweetly at them after sipping a drink from her champagne.
"you, love? anything?" ten nudged at you, moving his body way closer to you at the couch. normally you'd adjust and just stand up, but this time, you didn't. you let ten put his arms around you.
"steak sounds great. but, uh, can i have it like.. well done?" you were shy to request, because it opposed to mina's preference, but you can't really eat a medium rare steak.
"of course, my love. kun!" ten then stood up and pointed at kun jokingly, "my baby wants a well done steak. better do it right or i'll smack your ass."
kun just replied with another banter that kept their silly argument going. johnny on the other hand, leaned back to his chair, face a bit more serious, sipping red wine as mina giggled beside him.
the whole time ten, kun and taeil was in the kitchen, you got stuck in the living room with the couple. you don't know if you should follow ten, but your lazy feet just told you to sit down.
so, instead of trying to have a conversation, you just scrolled through your phone.
"you know, babe, i'm really glad we went on this trip with our friends before the wedding. and of course, i'm so glad that y/n went even with her busy schedule." mina sipped another from her glass as she leaned onto johnny's shoulder.
"yeah.." johnny had no other answer.
"i mean.. this might be the last trip we go as boyfriend and girlfriend, right? y/n, can you believe i'm getting married?!" mina excitedly put up her hands to show you her engagement ring, which you just smiled at and nodded.
"i'm so.. so happy for you." that felt heavy, but nonetheless, you meant it. you are happy for mina, you're just sad for yourself.
"one day, you'll get this moment too, y/n." mina smiled at you comfortably, yet it didn't sit right with you. it's like she's.. pitying you?
"someday i'd be so lucky." you can't help but to lace your words with the tiniest sarcasm.
"seeing anyone at the moment?" at that point, johnny who never really cared for the conversation, suddenly fixed his posture and sat up straight.
you almost said no, deny everything and say that's not your priority currently, but you remembered ten's evil plan.
so, with that in mind, you swallowed your previous thought, and had to come up with a new one.
"i mean.. i can't really.. it's complicated." and the best actress award goes to... y/n!
"what?! so there is someone?!" mina acted surprised as she put her hands over her mouth.
johnny, behind her, froze. blinked a few times before leaning back. not even a second before he stood up.
"where are you going, babe?" mina looked up at him, johnny saying something on the lines of getting more wine.
"i'll go with you!" mina then stood up after johnny and the couple went back to the kitchen.
tht's when your body relaxed and you let yourself sink onto the sofa. you looked over the balcony, overlooking the ocean in front of the beach house.
this night's gonna be so much fun.
•••
"oh gosh, y/n, remember when you literally confessed to mingyu back in highschool!? he literaly ignored you and laughed." mina hd a bit too many wine glass and starting to talk alot. including sharing stuff that you're not most comfortable sharing.
specially when your friends are around. but instead. of saying something, you just chose to be quiet and nod along with whatever she's saying.
"she literally cried that day. aw, poor y/n! i'm sure you'll meet your prince one day!" mina followed with a laugh and leaning onto johnny who's been serious all night.
"yeah." you whispered, sipping your second glass for the night.
"wait, mingyu rejected you? that fucking asshole, he said you two were together so i couldn't even make a move on you!" taeil joined, the sudden confession got you off guard.
everyone looked at him, shocked as well. "yeah, i've got the fattest crush on y/n back in highschool. was planning to ask her out on college but johnny took--"
"oh--kay! who wants more wine?" you took the opportunity to cut off taeil once he mentioned johnny. you knew bringing up the past was a bad idea, you know, tonight being johnny and mina's literal engagement trip.
ten noticed, and of course, he had the perfect thing to say. "too bad you can't make a move now, y/n's mine."
kun just laughed over ten's sentence, which ten just shrugged away. "dude, i don't think you're getting a chance with y/n."
you, on the kitchen counter, can still hear the guys' conversation.
"hahaha, yeah, right. ten's being like that because he knows y/n's kinda lonely. that's why i think you're such a great friend to y/n, ten. i'm glad you understand y/n." you know mina's tipsy, but you can't help but to feel like shit whenever she says something like that.
she would always make you the 'charity case' that everyone pity over. saying stuff how you're lonely and people around you just empathize with you. keeping you company because you're 'alone'.
although you'd like to think she just really meant well, it still pisses you off how she talks about you specially in front of your friends.
and ten, of course knew what mina's doing. and yes, it does piss him off aswell.
"that's not the case." ten, starting to feel hot.
"sure. anyways, i think our wedding shou--"
"y/n, love!" ten called out your name, making you look at them over the counter.
"yeah?" you unconciously answered, making everybody confused as why you didn't follow up with a 'don't call me that'
you walked back to the couch everybody was hanging out in, sitting right beside ten. everyone was visibly confused, looking at the both of you.
perhaps it's the wine taking over your whole body, but you just felt confident to whatever you and ten is doing right now.
him wrapping his arms around you as you snuggled in him, and then ten kissing the top of your head.
"am i tripping or are you two.. really doing that?" kun was the first one to say something.
"hm?" you just hummed, eyes slowly closing. you can just feel your system gradually feel tired caused by the alcohol you've been consuming, but not too much to the point that you'll pass out.
just perfectly tipsy.
the silence after kun's statement was cut short when everyone looked at one glass thats suddenly shattered to pieces, all over the floor. wine splattered onto the carpet, the sound successfully waking you up from your drowsy state.
"babe? oh my god, my mink carpet!" mina panicked, standing up and quickly calling for the helpers.
it was johnny's glass that spilled and shattered onto the carpet. he looked shocked aswell as he stood up and tried to pick some pieces up.
"i think we hit a nerve, princess." ten whispered at you and you can't just ignore the fact that maybe.. maybe ten's right.
•••
the night ended shortly after the wine situation, everybody felt tired from the drive, seeking rest for the night.
today's agenda was jam packed. according to mina's itenirary, everyone should be at the beach at exactly 3 pm. including her friends thats staying over to the near hotel.
you, on the other hand, would much rather stay here at the beach house. but of course...
"no! no one's staying at the beach house, we're all going to the beach." mina on her two piece bikini walking out the beach house.
you took a deep breath.
"what's wrong?" ten whispered to your side. you rolled your eyes and put on the sun glasses, and just released a sigh.
"nothing."
"you want to stay here, sweetheart?" ten caressed your hair. you looked around, seeing no one looking so you tapped his hands away.
"johnny's not here, quit the act."
"oh, right. my bad." ten chuckled.
but your johnny free environment was cut short when he suddenly showed up behind ten's back, fixing his white shirt, and dusting off his shorts.
because of his white plain shirt, you can clearly see the tattoos on his chest. and when you say clearly, as in you can see the numbers of your birthday across his left chest.
"stop drooling." ten joked, which you just responded with a slight hit on his arms.
"watch." the last thing ten said before approaching johnny.
you were intrigued on what ten's gonna do this time so tou just stood there and looked at him.
"dude, i think me and y/n are gonna stay here for today." ten casually said to johnny but johnny wasn't exactly amused.
"you two?" johnny gave you a glance, and his jaw tightens before looking away.
"yeah?" ten gave the most innocent look ever, almost making you laugh.
"no one's staying here. just rest on the beach." johnny sounded like a strict dad, walking pass ten. ten walked back to you with a defeated look in his face.
you chuckled and messed his hair. "nice try, soldier."
both you and ten planned to just stay in the shade, letting the other people swim. it's almost 4pm when everyone decided to take a break.
you were lying on the sun lounge long enough to fall into your slumber. you didn't know everyone was back from the water, when ten nudged you.
"let's go in the water, love." he removed the magazine covering your face. you opened your eyes to see who's in the sun lounge area and you saw everyone, all wet from swimming.
so, you straighten up your back and sat properly.
"no fun, when we were all in the water you two stayed here, and now that we're not y'all decide to go in?" taeil said before lying down.
"the sun's too hot earlier." you answered, pulling your shirt from the bottom and completely removing it to reveal your swim suit.
you opted for a nude two piece bikini, but you didn't remove your shorts. but your upper body was enough for the guys to joke around as you removed your shirt.
"since when did that grow in? aren't you like, flat chested last summer?" there was a hint of annoyance in mina's voice as she heard the boys woo your little sct, but she was always like that so you didn't mind.
ten, tho, was the opposite. "we've been working on it since then."
everyone's eyes widen, including yours, but before you realize it, johnny stood up.
"i'll head in. i'm tired." johnny was furious. mina was shocked, as she held onto johnny.
everyone was silent, so you got that chance to hit ten, "what's your problem?!" you angrily whispered to him.
"what?! it's working!" ten was even more excited as he eyes johnny walking out and mina following behind him.
•••
the night came in, and everyone was inside the beach house just chilling, and drinking.
eversince the incident at the beach, johnny was silent the whole night. everyone noticed that he wasn't on the best mood so they just walked around it.
you were uncomfortable, to say the least. everyone kind of knows what's happening, the way johnny's mad whenever ten makes a comment about you.
so you just chose to stay silent and wished for this god damn trip to be over.
ten, on the other hand, was fucking entertained. he never knew this plan of his would work so well, johnny showing his true emotions so easily that he didn't even sweat.
"mina's gonna be out for a while, something about her girls asking her to go to this beach party." you informed the boys as you sat on the single couch.
"then why are you here?" kun asked.
"that's her other friends, i'm not particularly part of that friend group."
that was mina's popular friends from college. you were much different from them, but mina had managed to be close to you aswell as them.
"oh, right-- miyeon and her little plastic friends, right?" ten smirked. he knew about them, him attending the same college as you.
"everyone's a little plastic back in college. including you." you rolled your eyes at ten, drinking from the beer can you have on hand.
"i was always honest to you, love. i always showed my true feelings even when you were with johnny." the mention of his name caught you off guard, looking around for johnny if he heard.
and there he was. standing on the counter, leaning on it while scrolling on his phone. he too, has a beer can on his right hand. he seemed to be distracted, not hearing what ten had said.
"yeah, and johnny almost killed you for it." taeil chuckled, a bit reddish from the alcohol.
"i mean, i just held back 'cause i thought he was serious with y/n. never thought that he actually wanted her bestie. what a plot twist." that's when the tension started to became intense. you hitched your breath to ten's statement, not expecting it to sting a little.
kun and taeil didn't know if ten was joking, so they didn't really laugh. they just exchanged looks.
"what did you say?" your head whips behind you, seeing a furious johnny walking towards the living area.
you knew ten stepped out of line, so youquickly stood up to get in between.
"he was joking, johnny." you stated as you looked at him, but his control was no longer there as his rage took over.
"no, he wasn't. repeat that for me, bro? did i.. hah," johnny paused. "..did i hear you right?"
kun and taeil took over, standing up to get in between. kun grabbed johnny's arms to pull him away but god knows johnny's not gonna move.
"yeah, dude. i mean, you dated y/n and then you proceeded to marry her best friend? thats self explanatory, isn't it?" ten wasn't even flinching as he said those words.
you knew this wouldn't end well. you shouldn't have agreed to this chaotic plan. fuck.
"ten, come on, let's go." you tried to pull ten, and take him out of rhis argument because even tho ten likes to provoke people, everyone in this room knows he can't take on johnny. the man's double his size, for god's sake.
"oh, you're not going anywhere." johnny had a smirk on his face even tho there isn't any humour in it, making you shiver.
"why can't i go with my girlfriend?"
that was the last thing ten had said before johnny charged at him. you stood there frozen, covering your open mouth in shock, as you see both men getting physical.
kun and taeil quickly separated the two, struggling a bit because of johnny's strength.
"oh my god." you whispered as you saw ten's lips got busted, yet ten still managed to laugh.
you swiftly go to him, attend to his care as kun and taeil calmed johnny down.
"thank you, princess." ten smiled at you as you helped him stand up.
"johnny, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" you can't help but yell, completely shocked at what johnny just did. he wasn't a violent person, ever. so what he did just now was new to you.
"you're together?" he asked in disbelief.
"so what? why do you care?!"
"come on, y/n. please," johnny begged, even tho you didn't know what he begged for.
"i can't fucking understand you, johnny suh. we'll leave. have a fucking great wedding."
•••
"john, let's break up." you finally said it in front of him, after practicing the whole night on how to say it without crying or immediately backtracking.
"wha..what?" johnny halts everything that he's doing, mind going blank after hearing you.
"let's.. go our separate ways." again, your voice shaking as you said those words.
johnny blinked a couple times before finally processing what you just said and shifting his position from being next to you to now facing you.
"are you.. is this a prank, baby?" johnny's voice was a lot more scared now. he was waiting for you to laugh and say you were kidding but you didn't.
"no. i- i.." you took a sharp breath, "--..need time for myself. school's been busy lately so i don't think i can handle a relationship."
johnny was visibly upset. brows furrowed as he took a step back.
"is this because of last night? when i couldn't fetch you after class? baby i told you i was--"
"no, johnny. just.. fucking, stop. we're over." that was your final statement before you walked pass him.
as you looked ahead, you saw mina, standing a few steps in front of you, giving you a sympathetic smile and then she mouthed, 'it's okay.'
will it be? will it be okay?
•••
everyone obviously felt off after the stunt that johnny had pulled. so, with everything that happened, you decided to just avoid the couple at all cost.
you went with ten on the way back to seoul, much in johnny's dismay. he wasn't exactly timid about him being upset with ten, that mina had questioned why everyone was so quiet the morning of your last day.
of course, no one told anything to her. it's a huge deal, her husband causing a fit because he's jealous of his ex and best friend? yep, fucked up.
so, you decided to end things before it gets worse. you begged ten to stop the plan, which he stubbornly refused, but you cleared to him that you no longer want to be a part of it.
you tried your best to avoid johnny and mina, refusing every invites and saying that you're busy with work.
newsflash, you're on a ten day leave. so basically you've been lying to avoid them.
"so loud in here!" you shouted to your co worker and friend, lisa. you two aren't really that close, but she's the only other girl in the diner and the rest were males. so, you kinda stick with her during this party.
yep, party. the diner that you're working in just finished the contruction of another branch, and they're celebrating. so, you being one of the staff, agreed to join. it's not like you've got better things to do.
"well that's because you don't go out! you'll get used to it!" lisa shouted back as she pulled you on to the bar.
you planned on just hanging out and taking one shot for the whole night because.. well you're infamous for your low tolerance of alcohol.
but lisa had a different idea. she just kept on giving you shots, something about her not partying with you often so you had to make up for it.
you almost wanted to say that it's because you two aren't close but that's not a great way to start the night.
so you just accepted it. which was a bad idea.
once the alcohol kicked in, you knew it was over. things started spinning and doesn't matter how hard you blink, there's still two lisa's in front of you. you're not sure which one of them was real.
you knew you had to go home. but fuck, how? when lisa drove you here?
"ah, fuck. i'll... bathroom." you didn't bother to repeat it for lisa 'cause she does not care, she's also drunk.
whilst waiting in line, you pulled out your phone.
"m-must call ten." you said, looking hard at the screen to contact ten.
a few rings, he answered.
"ten! ten!" you felt weirdy happy when he quickly answers.
"y/n?"
wait, ten sounds different?
"y-yeah.. uh, shit," you closed your eyes, trying to find words.
"are you okay?"
"yeah! can y-you, er-- pick me up? i know! i know! i'm not a-- haha--"
"are you drunk, y/n?"
you laughed out loud, making the other girls in line to the bathroom look weirdly to you.
"no, silly! well, yes! yes but-- i have no broom broom."
"broom broom? where are you?"
"a sound that cars make! i don't have that-- and i really-- really wanna go home." you suddenly felt sad, remembering you can't go home.
"stay where you are. i'm coming for you."
with that, you ended the call and waited for your turn in the bathroom.
a few moments later, you can't handle the loud music and people going crazy in the club so you opted to leave the establishment.
which was a dumb move because you can't really leave the area, and even if you could, you know you can't because you can't even fucking walk straight.
so here you are, sitting on the gutter slowly drifting away but conscious enough to not let yourself lay down entirely in the pavement.
the music was way fainter, relieving you from the stress from earlier.
your head was down, with your eyes closed.
you can really feel yourself falling asleep if it weren't for a figure standing tall in front of you.
"nice shoes." the first thing you say after looking at the pair of doc martins in front of you.
"jesus, y/n." that sounded way familiar, so that's when you looked up.
"oh?" you furrowed your brows to give yourself a better view of his face but you know you can't be mistaken.
it's johnny. johnny's here.
"mr. johnny! wait-- what are you doing here?" you attempted to stand up but almost failed, when johnny held your elbows.
"you called me." johnny started to dust off your pants from the dirt from the pavement you just sat in.
"i called ten."
"me. not ten, not anyone else. you called me." you maybe drunk, buf you know johnny was pissed.
"well, then sorry. you can go home now!" you smiled at him drunkenly, slightly pushing him away.
"not without you. now come on, i'll get you home." he held your wrist and tried to pull you but you stood your ground.
"no, no! i'll just call ten, johnny. i'll-- shit, he'll fetch me." you were starting to sober up when you realize what situation you were in.
johnny's here, pulling you to his car to take you home.
shit.
"y/n, please don't be stubborn."
"does mina know that you're here?" you asked.
johnny cursed under his breath, "no. she doesn't have to. i'm just taking you home."
"bullshit, johnny. you know this isn't fucking fair. go home-- be with her and i'll take care of myself. ten would--"
"fuck, y/n! ten this, ten that. i'm fucking here! not him!"
"and you shouldn't be." your voice softens, yet it felt like a stab in johnny's chest. he knows your right. he just hoped you were wrong.
"let's just-- just.. just let me take you home. you're drunk and its dangerous. please, y/n." johnny was practically begging. he's right. you're in no place to complain, since you needed to go home and you can't do that by yourself.
so you nodded. "fine. but don't talk to me."
you quietly entered his car without even looking at him. frankly, because you can't control your emotions right now. and if you look at his eyes, you might say something your sober self wouldn't.
its safe to say that johnny know how uncomfortable you are, so he did his best to be quiet as possible.
as soon as he saw your name pop up on his phone, he knew something was up. he quickly answers it with his fiancee on his side, dozing off.
and when you answered with your drunk self, oh, he was worried as hell. not a second goes by when he quickly stood up and grabbed his car keys. al though he was upset that you though he was ten, that's not whats important for him. what's important is to get to you, make sure you're safe. safe with him.
as soon as he encountered a red light, he can't help but to take a glance. and he wished he didn't.
there you were, sleeping soundly at his driver side, peacefully laying while your lips slightly agape.
at this very moment, johnny realized how fucked up he is.
god, what did i do? johnny thought.
he wanted to kiss you. right there and then. he wanted to own you like before. he wanted to be selfish and run away with you, leaving everything behind.
he's still inlove with you.
and he had hoped he could just turn back time, where he ran after you when you broke up for him for no reason. he wished he didn't get swayed by mina's comfort. he wished he begged you to stay in his arms forever. he wished he didn't agree with mina when she cried in front of him, begging him to be with her.
he wished he didn't believe mina when she said you were seeing another guy already.
he wished.
johnny's short moment of realization was cut shortly when a car behind him honked, making him look straight and see that the lights already turned green.
you slowly opened your eyes to see the car had already stopped in front of your apartment complex. you turned to your left to see johnny scrolling through his phone.
"you should've woken me up." you said in your deep voice.
"it's fine. it's only been 30 minutes." he spoke.
now, both of you are quiet. awkward tension fills up the entire car, and you take that as a hint to get your seatbelt off.
"y/n,"
time felt stupidly slow, as you looked at him.
"y-yeah?"
"do.. do you think i'm making the right decision?" johnny thought he was insane for asking a drunk person-- more so-- you, but he felt desparate.
you were caught off guard, your drunkness seemingly evaporated and suddenly become well aware. why is he asking you this?
"i don't know, johnny. you love her, don't you?" you asked. the air was thick, as seconds pass before he answered.
you swore you could feel your heart jump out of your chest as you anticipated his answer. its almost like he knows you're waiting for it.
meanwhile, johnny was internally dying.
there's only two things that could come out of this. he says the truth, that he's not sure, and hope that everything goes well, or lie to you, say that you do love mina, and possibly lose you forever.
"say yes, johnny. you fucking love her. please, make this easy for the both of us!" you suddenly felt emotional, as he drags the silence more making you crazy.
johnny couldn't do anything but to be silent. which was a clear answer. you understood it, and for a moment you felt hope, but quickly replaced with guilt.
"i'm sorry." the only thing johnny could answer.
"then why did you ask her to marry you?" theres a hint of ache in your words. you wanted to know, why, why did he ask her when he had only been dating her for half a year?
you and him have been together way more than that. why didn't he ask you?
"she was there-- she was there when you left. i was scared to be alone, y/n. i got used to your presence, and when you left, i felt empty. she was there." pain lacing through his words, you know he's right.
"and that was enough to spend forever with her?" your bitterness came off, but heck if you care, you're not in the position to think right now.
"i was drunk- and she.. begged me. she cried. and i felt fucking guilty because i did ask her! i was fucking..." he paused to sniff, making you shock to see tears run down his face.
"what, johnny?"
"i was so drunk, and i-- i fucking said your name after asking her to marry me. i was seeing you, not her. i asked you to marry me. but she didn't care. she said i couldn't take it back. and i felt so guilty.. y/n, so fucking--"
for the first time in your life, you made a decision without thinking of anyone else beside yourself. you know this will come after your ass in the morning but you didn't care.
you kissed johnny. you kissed him like you were hungry. you grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him.
it took him a second before melting into your kiss, and he finally responds. his hands travelled to your cheek, caressing it while passionately kissing you.
the taste of his salty tears mixed with desparation was all you can taste. his lips felt so familiar, so delicate, just like when you were with him. heads moved to give each other space and deepen the kiss, you unconciously moaned after tasting his lips again after a long time.
about five minutes has passed before he cuts off the kiss to breathe.
"fuck, y/n. i fucking.. missed you. so much." he felt amazing. at first he thought he will feel guilt immediately and stop everything, but he wanted more.
just like you, you craved more. so without thinking, you kissed him again, this time stronger, and much more passionate. not long after he grabbed you by the waist and lift you up your seat so easily, and sat you in his lap without breaking the kiss.
his hands founds its way to your waist, as he moved his lips to you neck. you grabbed the back of his head as you looked up to give him more access. with his lips leaving yours, this made the moans you were surpressing earlier come out.
he all of a sudden halts everything and looked up to you. "wait, y/n,"
you looked down to him drunkenly, "yeah?"
"are you.. sure about this?"
"we can think of mina tomorrow," you don't even know where those words comes from, but it ain't you. it's not you to do this. but again, you don't care anymore.
"i'm not talking about her-- i'm talking about you. you're drunk and i don't want to take advantage of you." somehow, despite him blatantly cheating on his fiance, he still is as gentleman as ever.
"eversince i woke up, i'm completely sober. i know what i'm doing." do you, tho?
"you'll regret this."
"i already am." that was the last thing you said before he dove in and drowned you with his kisses again.
with your bodies being so close together, you can't help but to crave more, and more. more than you should. but with your sense out of the window, you followed your whims.
you started grinding on his lap to feel just a tad bit of friction in your lower area, releasing a soft moan as you felt your body shiver. you can't believe he's this hard already, you didn't expect him to be this.. excited.
"fuck, baby you're.. driving me insane." johnny was truly going insane, and he's not even touching you. you were just grinding, making the jeans he was wearing create some pressure with his length.
despite going crazy, johnny held your hips even more firm as he pushed you down onto his lap to strengthen the friction you were making with your rhythm.
johnny then let out a relieving moan as he finally get the right pressure, making you want to do a better job. you always liked pleasing him.
as much as you want to do it with him in his car, you're really getting tired from not having enough space to manouver.
"m-my apartment." you whispered, making johnny look at you with his wide eyes.
he had never been to your apartment eversince college. you were still living at the same apartment from college, and it did cross his mind if it still look like that.
you thought the walk between the car and your apartment would somehow knock some sense into you, but you were wrong. it even made you even more frustrated, having to walk with him. you wanted to jump him but you still have the decency to not do it where your neighbors could get a front row ticket for a live show.
johnny, struggling to walk comfortably with the obvious tent on his pants, grabbed your hands and interwined them. this move made you look up at him, as he leads the way onto your door as if it's carved into his memory.
how can it not when you two spent almost your entire relationship in this building?
as soon as you opened your door, johnny cursed under his breath and lifted you up, earning a small yelp from you. he kicked the door close with you in his arms and walked straight to your room. damn, he could even walk through this apartment with his eyes closed.
he carefully laid you in your bed and prop both his arms in each side as he took his time looking at you face.
"you don't know how long i've been waiting for this." he whispered as he eyed your whole body, almost wanting to thank the heavens that he has you under him once again.
"then get to it, john." the nickname you used to call him acted a trigger, as it set him off and kissed you again.
slowly, but surely, you two have little to no clothes left. with you in your panties and johnny with his boxers.
johnny then used his his own knee to part your legs, nowlaying in between them. he scooped his hips down to apply pressure on your sensitive area, using his own.
johnny let out a deep grunt with a curse following, while you moaned silently. you can just feel his entire length rubbing your core, despite the fabric in between.
"princess, tell me you want this." johnny whispered to you as he keeps grinding.
"i do.. fuck, i really do." you can't help but feel desparate, it's been a while since you felt him like this. and fuck, you do miss it.
johnny nods, and gave a kiss on your forehead, and slowly his hands travels down to your breasts, gently massaging it giving your erect nipple a gentle flick. his eyes never left yours as he does this, almost like he wanted to watch your every reaction.
after the attention he gave on your upper half, he started to glide his hands down to the most senstive party of your body. johnny took time removing your underwear, slowly pushing it down, lifting your legs to remove it completely.
"fuck.. i fucking missed this. i fucking missed you." johnny repeatedly said, almost like a chant.
"i missed fucking you." you moaned out, earning a smirk from johnny.
not long after you felt his cold fingers touch your core sending shivers down your spine. he gave it a gentle rub, like he was trying to get familiar with it. this little movement was enough to make you go crazy, yet you know there's a lot more coming.
"you're so.. oh, shit. you're so wet." johnny can't believe the excitement his feeling. it's like he's in highschool again, he was feeling fucking fantastic. he's shocked on how wet he made you, like he hasn't had sex with anyone else.
"yeah?" your silk voice can't help but to make johnny's dick twitch. he then pushed more pressure on his finger, sliding in you. you slightly gasp with the sudden intrusion, but it was cut short when he roughly fingers you after. he slid another finger in just to watch you fall apart on just his fingers
"fuck, fuck, fuck!" you chanted like a mantra, your head turning left to right, johnny's eyes following your face.
"look at me." it sounded more like an order, so you did. you looked at him. your eyes furrowed and cursing under your breath as you felt your climax nearing.
"this feel good?" johnny asked as if you could answer properly, still fingering you at a rapid pace. the sounds that it makes almost made you finish there and then, but his face was even more so pleasuring.
"uh-huh." your voice was high pitched, still looking at his eyes. his mouth was slightly agape, watching your every feature.
"cum for me. cum while looking at me." johnny whispered. and not even a couple of seconds, you did.
you never closed your eyes, yet your entire body is shaking under him. the intensity of your climax came and you felt euphoria. almost like he was made to do this to you. only he can do this to you.
once johnny moved and stood on his knees, thats when your eyes closed to calm yourself after your orgasm. you were breathing heavily and the only thing you can hear is his pants' belt unbuckling.
you attempted to close your legs but johnny's hand made it impossible opening it again and sliding himself in between.
"tell me to stop and i will." johnny whispered, sincerity on his eyes as he looked for your permission.
"i won't," you whispered back, giving him a look of approval. he then kissed you deeply before looking down where you two connects, as he first, slid his tip up and down your slit, before entering painfully slow, yet easy because of the slick that you made earlier.
"oh, fuck." johnny cried, filling you up like it's a job for him to pleasure you.
his expression made you want it more, disregarding the slight sting from his length stretching you out. johnny's big. like big, big. and its been so long since you did this together, so it felt new. your insides getting familiar as he slowly pulled out just to get back in again, waiting for your approval to set his pace.
"y-you can move, john."
"okay, princess." johnny, again, kissed your hair before moving slightly faster, developing a new rhythym. his tempo was surely not the fastest, but he don't wanna end this quick. he wants to savour every moment, every second of this. he missed it, he missed you.
"shit, you feel so fucking good." johnny wasn't the most vocal in bed, or at least you thought, but tonight, he's pouring you praises and compliments mixed with his moans. maybe he changed? it's been so long, he could've.
it doesn't take long for you to feel another climax coming, but because johnny was close to his own as well, he moved harder and rougher, racing both of you to your high.
you swore you can hear johnny almost crying, repeating curses as if he's so desparate. which, honestly just helped you achieve your climax. him being so.. vulnerable adds pleasure to everything.
"y/n, y/n.. shit, fuck! please.." convulsing around him, you finally achieved your second orgasm for the night. johnny followed after a long, hard thrust releasing all of his seeds in you.
johnny was out of breath, so are you. after a few minutes, he finally pulled out, leaving you empty. he stood up, and honesly it aches your heart to think that he'll just leave like that.
but you were wrong. without opening your eyes, you almost jumped at the feeling of a wet tissue wiping your center, gently cleaning it. you looked up at johnny, focused on whatever he's doing, already with his boxers on.
"you can sleep, princess." the last thing you heard before falling into your deep slumber.
•••
oh this is bad. this is fucking bad.
the first thing you thought after waking up.
johnny was no longer in your bed, which you knew it was the right thing to do, but you'd be lying if you say that it's diappointed you a bit.
but him leaving wasn't the problem, the problem was you just had sec with your best friend's fiancee.
one side of your brain tells you to go over to their place and ask mina for forgiveness, on your knees, and begging. the other side tells you to stand your ground and confront johnny, tell him to stop this foolishness and come back to you.
before you could even decide, your phone rings.
caller id: kwon mina
"fuck." you grunted, your conscience eating you alive.
hesitantly, you accepted the call.
"h-hey."
"is my fiancee there, y/n?"
she knows. she fucking knows! what-- how?! shit!
you took a sharp breath. do you lie? or do you tell her the truth? you didn't know.
"no." techinically, you didn't lie. johnny isn't here right now, isn't he?
"you're a fucking liar. i knew i shouldn't have trusted you, y/n. johnny didn't come home last night and his phone's location is on! he's on your house last night!"
you had to pull the phone away from your ear as mina's voice nearly broke your eardrums.
you gulped. this is it. this is the worst case scenario. you're officially a horrible person.
"h-he just fetched me because i was drunk-- and i-i couldn't go home because-- i was wasted."
you gripped your sheets tighter, scared of what mina's going to say next.
"yeah? i bet you fucking did that on purpose, you slut?! seeking attention from MY fiancee?! you're a fucking bitch!"
you were shocked. this is the first time mina had spoken to you like this. given that you deserved it, it still shocked you.
"please calm down--"
"you're telling me to calm down?! you fucking stole my fiancee! you're my best-- my best friend!"
but didn't she stole him from you first?
you badly wanted to argue with her. you wanted to yell at her. but deep down you know you're in the wrong. so you bit your lip.
slowly, you gelt your eyes water. this isn't you. why did you even do that? and to mina? the person who helped you through out everything?
you're so evil. you deserved this.
"i'm sorry."
"i'll tell father to cut off any connection to you. you're mooching off our money anyways, i can't believe you would do this. after what i did to pay off your student loans? you're such an ungrateful bitch. don't ever contact me, or johnny again. fuck you."
that was it. the end for you. mina had officially cut you off her life.
for what it feels like a decade, you sat in your bed crying. feeling guilty, sadness, anger, and honestly just hating yourself.
but you can't do this all day. you can't stay depressed and wait for anyone to come and take care of you. you need to move on. plan for the day. take the consequences of your actions.
about 4pm when you called ten and asked to meet up with him at the nearest cafe. you needed his advice. you can't think straight, and ten is the perfect person to give you some words of wisdom.
"i already knew this would happen." ten was laughing. fucking laughing.
"be serious, please. this is a big deal. i might've ruin their relationship." guilt is still eating you alive.
"i mean, that whole charade of a relationship are already fucked up. this just needed to happen for them to realize it."
you grunted. you really wanted ten to scold you at least, tell you what you did was horrible. but here it is, with the same attitude as always, egging you on about everything's okay. it's not.
"please. can you tell johnny-- i want to talk with him and mina? i'll apologize--"
"apologize for what? claiming what's yours? mina stole johnny from you, y/n. i was there when she said that you're already dating that jaehyun the day after you broke up with him. which was clearly wasn't true, because jaehyun was dating renjun from art class."
it took you minutes to process what you just heard. did mina lie? did she.. made up that rumour? that's why johnny never questioned you again the day after you broke up?
"i-is that true?" you asked again. you gulped to pull back your tears.
"yep. i tried telling johnny that but he was busy getting brainwashed by that crazy girl." ten sipped his coffee casually as if he's not breaking this vital information to you.
your guilt suddenly replaced with rage, you started breathing heavily.
"s-she wouldn't do that!" you wanted to prove ten wrong. mina might be difficult to understand sometimes but she wouldn't do that do you. wouldn't she?
"oh come on. she was blabbering about that's why you broke up with johnny. because you were all up on that golden boy jeong jaehyun."
"n-no! she told me.. she told me her and johnny kissed. and--and johnny liked it. and- and she loved him too.. t-that's why i broke up with him."
it's ten's turn to be shocked. all through out college he was with johnny. he knows johnny more than anyone, and not once did he ever see johnny giving interest to mina.
it doesn't make sense!
"wait, what? when?" ten was visibly confused.
"at that senior summer party." you remembered vividly. you couldn't go because you felt ill, so johnny had to attend without you. and the very next day, mina broke the news that johnny and her kissed.
"then your best friend is not only a bitch, but also a pathalogical liar. she was begging-- and i meant begging, for johnny to break up with you that night. johnny and i just blamed it on the drinks but there was no kiss that happened. i was there y/n."
•••
it's been a week.
you're back to work, never contacting johnny or mina again.
mina bombarded you with texts like,
you don't even apologize? i was wrong about you, y/n. you're such a bad person for doing this to your bestfriend.
you smirked. yes, you were wrong for sleeping with johnny. that was your fault. but what she did?
oh, that fucking hurt. she lied to you, to johnny, to everyone just to get what she wanted. she used your innocence.
she knows that johnny was the only person you've loved that much. she knew, because you tell her that everyday. that you're grateful for johnny, entering your life and being your constant.
all while planning an evil scheme to take him away from you? what kind of best friend does that?
and johnny? he was no where to be found. ten said johnny avoided every call, every attempt he made to see him. even mina doesn't know what's going on his mind.
as you got your paycheck for the month, you quickly transferred it to mina's bank account.
i know it's gonna be a long way until i can fully pay my debt, but i promise i'll finish it by the year. thank you. - y/n
that was the note you sent her.
you wanted to cut her off completely. you knew this would happen, her turning everything against you, returning every 'help' she gave you as an insult. you kinda felt that she had it in her, yet you refused to believe every red flag about her.
you wanted to live at peace, dependently without anyone helping you for once. mina was a lesson, and you will never repeat the same mistake again.
you're done feeling indebted to someone.
you don't know if the wedding's still on, and honestly you don't care. you just know that if it did go on, it wouldn't last. given the fact that it all started with a lie.
you were closing for the night at the diner. it was a wednesday so the diner wasn't busy. tonight's shift was just you by yourself.
it was 9pm and you were sure no one's gonna enter anymore. the diner's only open until 9:30, so having customers for the last 30 minutes is likely improbable.
or so you thought.
as you were wiping the counters down, you heard the door open.
at first you didn't look at who ever entered the diner but as soon as you senses a familiar presence, you looked up and as you expected or at least hoped, it was him. 
"c-can i help you?" you can't help but this starter upon your words but you still manage to blurt it out.
johnny, standing tall, is looking at you with his eyes filled with so much comfort. as if he was glad to see you.
"hey." he whispered. before he came in the diner he already practiced what he wanted to say but upon seeing your face, the way you looked at him, it seems like he forgot everything, every word that he thought beforehand. it all flushed down, his mind full of you, only you.
"why are you here?" there you go. you couldn't keep on ignoring the elephant in the room.
"ten told me everything." johnny sounded tired.
you stood there in silence. you didn't know what to say. he wasn't the bad guy here, he was collateral damage. you couldn't blame him, but then again, he's not that innocent either.
so you didn't know whether to confront him, or tell him you're sorry. he just stood exactly at the line between the victim and the one at fault.
but you opted to apologize. that was the calmest way to address things, you thought.
"i'm sorry. i should've told you." you couldn't meet his eyes. how could you? when you left him without saying anything. you just.. left.
"i ended things between me and her, by the way." johnny took trides to lessen the gap between you, as he walked to the counter and sat in the stool front of you.
"i'm sorry about that too."
"it wasn't your fault. i shouldn't even let that engagement thing happen in the first place. i knew it wasn't right."
"--but still. the fact that- what happened between us, happened while you're still with her, was fucked up, johnny." you admitted.
"it was." johnny. once again, an awkward silence filled the room.
"i told her everything. we talked about-- well she yelled most of the time. i apologized but she didn't listen. she just went on about me being a cheater-- you being a bad friend. she was really mad." johnny even managed to stifle a non humorous chuckle as he reminisced about the moment he told mina everything.
plates were thrown, mugs were broken. mina was furious, but johnny knew it wasn't right.
"she has a right to do that." you replied.
"i just want to know one thing, y/n."
"w-what is it?"
"how is it so easy for you to give me away to your friend?" johnny was pained as he said those words. he couldn't believe his ears when ten had told him that. all along he thought you had fallen for someone else, that jaehyun from art class or something.
you gulped. immediately, tears started to pool in your eyes.
"s-she said you.. you liked the kiss. you.. kissed her back." from what has been revealed to you recently, saying that just felt stupid. how could you believe her?
"you didn't even bother to ask me." johnny, now looking at you.
"i was stupid, back then johnny. stupid and scared. you know mina has a lot against me. i couldn't just.."
"so you sacrificed your own happiness for hers?" johnny asked. your threathening tears started to flow, as you nod as a response.
"you sacrificed me?"
"i'm sorry." all that you could say.
"right now, are you finally choosing yourself?" johnny had something in mind when he came here. and he has no plans on making it longer.
"i-- try to. i need to." you sobbed between your words.
"am i still your happiness?" johnny had a spark of hope you would say yes. this was his plan. now aware of what happened, he was sure he wanted to get to you.
all along he thought you were happy with someone else. heck, he even thought it was with ten. he didn't know you were hurting. if he did, he wouldn't even hesitate to leave everything behind. just to get to you.
"yes." you admitted.
"then--" before johnny could finish, you interrupted him.
"maybe we shouldn't just jump into this, john. give us time. we've been through so much. you need a break from all of this, and i need to focus on giving myself importance. and maybe-- maybe when we're good, when we're both doing great, we'll find each other again--"
"i've had enough of space away from you, y/n. a year, without you is already too much for me. if you want to focus on yourself, then i'd be there. i'll focus on you too. j-just.. just let me be by your side." johnny held your hands. you sobbed as you looked at him.
"mina's still-"
"i thought you wanted to think about yourself? don't think much about her. she's done enough damage to you." johnny explained. it almost angered him what mina had done, but then again, he doesn't want this situation to be bigger than it already is.
"okay." you nod. you trust him. you trust his words.
"be selfish, for once."
"then be with me, johnny. i'll be selfish about you. y-you stay with me." you blurted out the courage to say it, and it felt good.
✘ [synopsis]: on an autumn evening, your lover returns from hours spent rock climbing and missing you.
✘ [warnings]: hand kink, Slight daddy kink, muscle pain, massage, praise, use of body butter, body worship, fingering, squirting, dumbification, multiple orgasms, size kink, manhandling, unprotected sex, etc…
✘ [au’s]: non idol au, established relationship, domestic, autumn aesthetic
✘ [word count]: 2.7k
✘ [genre]: 🔞smut & fluff
#80 in the 1000 days & 100 fics with Smileysuh celebration
It’s just around dinner when your boyfriend returns from a day spent rock climbing with friends. Stepping into the house, Johnny is met with the smell of soup, and your perfume lingers in the air when he closes his eyes to take a happy breath in.
“Baby?” he calls, tossing his keys onto the kitchen counter. “I’m home!”
“In the bedroom!” comes your response, and your lover immediately charts a course in search of you.
“Still in bed?” Johnny says fondly when he arrives in the doorway, eyes taking in your form. You’re wearing one of his shirts, and it makes you look so small, legs exposed-
✘ [synopsis]: y/n is approached by a handsome salesman, and after getting a taste of her for himself, he decides to offer her something she can’t refuse.
✘ [warnings]: dom/sub themes, pain kink, bondage, smacking, big dick, contractual/consensual bdsm, oral (m receiving), mirror sex, deep throating, dirty talk, degradation/praise, sir/master/daddy kink, size kink, dacryphilia, taunting, multiple orgasms, spanking, pussy slapping, fingering, anal, butt plug, squirting, sadism/masochism, unprotected sex, passing out from sex, power play, etc…
✘ [pairing]: Johnny Suh x afab!reader
✘ [word count]: 9.6k
✘ [genre]: 18+ smut
✘ [squid game au]
Prologue:
Your cheek sears red hot, and you take a deep breath as the tingles of echoed pained pleasure wash over you. There’s a slight metallic taste of blood in your mouth from where your lip has split, and it takes you a moment to recover.
When you open your eyes again, straightening and removing your fingers from where you’d pressed them to your face, covering the spot his own hand had just made contact with, you find the gorgeous businessman watching you with blown pupils.
The affect you’re having on him is obvious, and you’d be lying to say it’s not making you just as excited-
For what feels like the billionth time since he’d approached you, you wonder why he’s even doing this.
You’ve had men come up to you for all sorts of reasons before, but no one has ever offered to play a kids game with you in return for money- and no one’s ever looked you down the way he had, stating pointedly, ‘you can pay me with your body’ when you’d inevitably started Ddakji at a loss.
You’ve lost count of how many times he’s hit you now - unable to keep track of the blows the same way your wins are marked by the bills in your hand - Maybe you should start counting, you think maybe he’d like that.
summary: you’re a designer, and you meet Johnny Suh when you get the chance to design his outfit for the Met Gala. That night, the starting point, brings together two strangers, unavoidably attracted to each other even over long distances, thousands of miles and interruptions OR johnny suh holds your hand once and you never want him to let go again
length: 20,789 words
tags: strangers to friends to lovers, long-distance, slowburn, fingering, titty head, slight dacryphilia, big dick johnny, multiple orgasms, marathon sex
The moment your team threw Johnny Suh’s name into the list of potential celebrities to wear your design to the Met Gala, you knew it had to be him. He had the perfect look. The perfect figure. He had the dazzling charm that you knew would wear your design confidently on that infamous set of stairs.
You could scarcely believe it when his team reached back out to yours with a confirmation.
A lot of the planning is done virtually. Comments on designs, his measurements, scheduling and planning for when exactly he will arrive in New York in advance. You speak with Johnny and his team a couple times over video call, but the first time you actually meet him in person is only two days before the momentous event.
“Are you nervous?” Johnny asks with an easy grin after the greetings and introductions are made. “It’s your first Met Gala, right?”
It is.
You were surprised to score the invitation, to be acknowledged in any way by Anna Wintour, to be offered the opportunity to not only walk the carpet and attend the event but to have your designs on display for the world to love or hate.
“I’m a bit nervous,” you admit to Johnny.
He laughs. “I’m a seasoned pro now,” he jokes. “This is my second year, so I can hold your hand through it all.”
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