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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@sea-secrets
take a break while watching this little bunny cross your dash
My arms are crowded with planets that our solar system rejected. My arms accept everything. Even those who not a soul wanted. That is why I hug myself to sleep each night.
"Gizlenen, gösterilemeyen, hissettirilmeyen sevginin zerre değeri, kıymeti yok gözümde. Bu duvarda beni çok seviyor olabilir, bilemem..."
📚Turgut Uyar
I am broken but you are crushed. I will heal myself. With gold in between the cracks. But you? You will be carried away by the wind and scattered to places no will recognize you or care and no one will remember you.
who are you?
My father made me wings much like the ones Daedalus made, But he only could make one pair so he was okay staying confined. My wings, unlike Icarus’s, were not made of wax, I could fly as high as I wished but apply loads of sunscreen for my skin. Ecstatic I was, privileged I felt when I saw my friends like ants on the sand, I was daddy’s little princess but he had better things for me than plastic tiaras.
Exploring the world became my dream, finding myself in the process too. I was an individual with a lot of seeing, learning and experiencing to do.
Father of mine encouraged me and also handed me a bag of $$$, I received no warning though and believed the world was my oyster.
Far away from home, high up in the sky, one day my wings acted off, I didn’t know they took an about turn and wouldn’t listen to me any longer.
Crying I went back home, I told my father the fault in the wings, He said it was no mistake but his genius to watch over me.
Cage like wings these were that would only work up to 994 miles from home, He called me ungrateful when I said it was unfair, he called me a foolish child. My mother was not surprised, she gave me a sorrowful smile, ‘20 years ago, he gave me the same wings,’ she said. ‘You can never really leave.’
My eyes were on fire with this betrayal, I couldn’t speak a word, 20 days later I was about to throw them in the sea when my younger brother stopped me.
‘Give them to me, 994 miles is still away from here,’ he beamed, Was my father cruel, my mother sad or my brother ignorant?
.
.
.
I wouldn’t know how the story ends, I threw myself in the sea instead.
been thinking abt this a lot. A poetry professor once told me every poet has a particular emotion from which they write. It’s not what they write about, but what emerges from the writing. For instance, louise gluck posits that Richard Siken’s central emotion is panic. Even though the word is never spoken to or about, the poems are saturated with it. I think Mary Oliver can be characterized by relief. Anyway, i think having that recognizeable Emotion is a major mark of poetic voice & it’s development
.
Any thoughts on what emotion I write from? What about yourself?
.
Feeling misunderstood
Trauma and healing
Hope
You and I
exist
In the same universe
until
I am hurting and needing help
So I am
A good looking
Dream
That you can
Never let yourself
Fulfil
Wearing red lipstick makes me feel like a
Badass
Whore
CEO
Wearing pink lipstick makes me feel
Cute
Innocent
Whiny
Wearing coral lipsticks makes me feel
Angelic
Soft
Perfect
And that's why I sometimes wear pink
Most times red
And wouldn't be caught dead in coral
I have to be
Exiled from home
To find what makes
My heart whole
I want nothing from this world. All I have expectations from is myself. And I must strive to fulfill them.
I have no expectations but one from myself: regret nothing. Burn palaces to the ground. Leave people brokenhearted. Have arms full of scars. Do whatever it is you need to do to be. And never regret it.
November holds me by the throat. it means to shake me to my bones, teach me that to shiver is to survive, when to fight and how to hide, to catch my breath on the run, but mostly, how to eat my own shadow without fear.
“Last night I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t sleep just because I wanted so badly to spill over to someone. I feel that I’m cut off from all humankind. I feel like putting my head on your shoulder and weeping from sheer homesickness.”
— Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Aurelia Plath c. June 1951 featured in Letters Home: Correspondence 1950-1963 (via violentwavesofemotion)
is there anything heavier than knowing a piece of you is somewhere else and that you can never go there?
That day has come and gone - the day you broke my heart. But why does it feel like internally I'm still stuck there? In that precise moment when my heart finally realized what my brain was trying to tell it all along?
sea secrets