I’m laying in bed, the night of my 30th birthday, stifling yawns and drinking sparkling Ribena from a wine glass, whilst watching Lost. If ever there was a movie style opening to the rest of my life, this would be it.
Despite the imminent sleep, I refuse to succumb to the cliché mini meltdown that most people my age will fall victim to. “What am I doing with my life? Who am I? Am I going to die alone? With cats? Can I even afford cats?”
I quite enjoy my life, a majority of the time, and I feel we all need to just take a step back and calm the fuck down. It’s 30, not gonorrhea. A few things have been going through my mind recently, whilst my girlfriend seemingly panics as if it's her that's turning 30 (side note, I'm certain she's gonna hit the meltdown button at 30, after these last few weeks). I just thought I'd take the time to put some of these things out there.
I look back at some of the stuff I’ve been lucky enough to experience, or achieve and I think to myself, “that’s not a bad effort, Red". I’ve traveled quite a fair bit, and have seen parts of the world that some people could only dream about. I’ve had the chance to experience things that I never thought I’d have the chance to. I've played football with my friends, in matches 5000 miles from home. I've managed to get married, and then divorced. I've read stories to children that no longer have their parents with them, to read to them, and I've taken time and money out of my life to try and make a difference in theirs. This is all before I'm 30. I know I'm blessed for all of this, and I'll always be grateful for every opportunity I've ever had.
In the past, I’ve used up a lot of time running from problems, and ignoring them. It’s not been the best option, but it’s the one I took. Get over it. Though, in the last 18 - 24 months I’ve found myself tackling things I’ve not had to worry about for years. I've built bridges with people I'd written off, apparently because I'm better at that than tackling things head on. When I make poor choices now, and people ask me why, I can safely say, “because I’m an idiot and I have self management issues”. It might not sound like the best progress. But it’s a start.
So, who knows what being 30 holds for me?
I’m at the age now where people start committing to all sorts of shit. Mortgages. Dogs. Other people. Making tiny people, etc. I'll probably end up with something fucking stupid and don't need, by the time I'm 31. Soz.
(Spoiler alert.. It’ll probably be just a different coffee)
