Cat Owner

Hey, the name is Sebastian, I’m 18 years old and I'm studying Environmental Engineering, pretty cool huh?

[marshals-to-dictators]

You’re all monsters

[nutsacktorturer]

even her?

[marshals-to-dictators]

No!!! Of course not!!!! She’s wonderful!

[nutsacktorturer]

you fool!!

[screenwriter]

thinking...

[dr0wnedperfectionist]

i want her to decorate my room

[telernarketing]

talking to someone and they go offline straight away

[gluten-free-pussy]

If I was married to Beyoncé, I simply wouldn’t have cheated

[gluten-free-pussy]

RIP Jay-Z but I’m different

[ahsadler]

[gluten-free-pussy]

You know what? You’re absolutely right

[reinerist]

[stability]

[unclefather]

me after trying to do better for myself

[monsieurmadeleine]

Born too early to explore the galaxy and born too late to drunkenly fist fight Victor Hugo in the Parisian sewers

[vrandaa]

[stark-raven-mad]

Modern poetry at its finest

[veevee44]

In 20 years no one’s gonna know what this means.

[rhapsodycoventry]

The super suit reference held up for like 14 years so I’m not too sure about that.

[knightlyhoods-deactivated202404]

this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry

[quaadude]

Me getting my name called to get my order at Starbucks

[pointnclick]

cowboys never die. they just ride off into the sunset

[mangonetics]

is that what your parents told you when you came back from school one day and your cowboy was missing

[kotortwo]

*clicks page 2 of google search results* the deep web

[teenytinyfrog]

[dementedgnomicwizard]

i went to the met today

[sinsumeria1-blog]

Just an fyi cobalt is currently the most toxic oil paint usually. Older oil paints from old masters are also most likely made with lead.

So the death via oil paint isn’t impossible tbh

[dementedgnomicwizard]

i can’t die but thank you :) im sure this information will be useful for someone who can

[alexoun-blog1]

Imagine dragons in an intensive care unit:

I’m waking up

To sweat and puss

I see my nurse and my roommates nuts

[followthebluebell]

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

[dreamingofbabylon]

frog and toad are my two remaining brain cells struggling to keep my horrible body alive

[st-pam]