"I'm afraid that you will turn your back on me like so many others before you, I hope that isn't the case here. I am falling desperately in love with you, hopelessly, shamelessly.. you have seen the darkest corners of my mind, yet you stay. I don't know why. Why? Why would you love me when it is so hard to love myself? Why would you even choose me to love? I don't have anything to offer the world, but you still choose me day after day.. I'm afraid that I will somehow scare you away or that I won't be good enough. I know you love me, I do, but some day you will tire of my bullshit.. and if you don't, you actually stick around.. I will die the happiest person you have ever seen. I love you with all of my heart and soul, I'm just afraid that I will mess things up for us.. but maybe that's why you love me, for my vulnerabilities as well as my strengths. I know we can be happy together, but will I live up to your expectations? For now, that answer eludes me.. I am content with everything that you are, and that is beauty incarnate. Silly me for being afraid when I should be thinking about how to touch your lips with a smile, how I can make you happy, or any number of nice things.. maybe I am just dumb. I don't know, but being with you makes my heart throb, I know that.. I only hope that I don't let you down and what we have doesn't burst into flames. When I'm with you, the world hushes from the roarous din that it usually is for me.. when I'm with you, time stands still and my heartbeat dances with my ribcage for what seems to be an eternity. I love you like nothing else I have ever felt before and thinking about losing that with you brings with it a feeling of fear, dread, and I just worry, that's all. I don't want to be the reason that such a great woman like you feels the need to leave, that would break my heart into a million pieces, each piece shattering into a million more pieces until what is left is the remnants of me.. empty space, dust, withered and torn ragged. I know that I shouldn't bother with such thoughts, but I'm a fuck up.. I always fuck things up somehow, and I'm praying that I don't fuck things up with you. Maybe it's better to think of such things though, maybe that's how I hold onto you and value you the way you should be.. I don't know, I'm babbling aren't I? I just love you so much, I couldn't bear the weight of your loss.. so I sit here late at night and wonder if I really have what it takes to be the person that you seem to think I can be. Thank you, thank you for loving me when it's hard for me to find good in myself and I promise I am giving it my all.. there's me in a nutshell, here I am flawed and afraid."
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
kianamaiart
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
