Totally Accurate Quotes

Mods Sebastian and Abigail are really out here making this, huh?

[sebby-and-abby]

Sam: You’ll never guess what the farmer is growing!!

Farmer: Sam, I’ve told you before that it’s called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.

Sam: I know what I saw.

[sebby-and-abby]

Sam: Is it okay if I swear?

Abigail: Yes Sam, I will allow you to swear.

Sam: F

Abigail: Yes, go on

Sam: I’m nervous

[sebby-and-abby]

First Meeting Shane:

Shane: I have feelings for you.

Farmer: You do?!

Shane: Yes, I feel you’re a little annoying.

[sebby-and-abby]

Farmer: Is there a word that’s a mix of sad and angry?

Elliot: Disgruntled, desolated, miserable, malcontented...

Leah: Smad?

[sebby-and-abby]

Harvey: The human body is made up of 70% water.

Emily: Great, so we’re basically cucumbers with anxiety.

Shane: Excuse me, with the amount of salt and alcohol I consume, I’m more of an anxiety pickle.

[sebby-and-abby]

Willy: Was she fast?

Clint: I couldn’t keep up with it

Willy: She, Clint. We call boats she.

Clint: Alright captain, I couldn’t keep up with she.

[sebby-and-abby]

Farmer: So wait, when pizza is involved, you can suddenly do math in your head?

Shane: I’m just saying pizza is good.

Farmer: Hold on, Shane, how much is 19, 154 pizzas divided by 61 pizzas?

Shane: 314 pizzas.

Farmer: What if they were salads?

Shane: Carry the four and-

Shane: it doesn’t work.

[sebby-and-abby]

Sam: And that’s how I once met Spider-Man in ZuZu city.

Sebastian: Sam, that’s nice and all but I just asked if you wanted this Joja Cola.

[sebby-and-abby]

Farmer: Hey Shayne!

Shane: There’s no ‘y’ in my name.

Farmer: Wha? This is a verbal conversation.

[sebby-and-abby]

Shane: I know you don’t want to do this

Shane: And I hate forcing you to do things,

Shane: But the heater is broken and it’s too cold

Farmer: Hey Shane, whatcha doing?

Shane: ...

Shane: Putting little sweaters on my chickens.

[sebby-and-abby]

SDV as Texts I’ve Sent at 3 am

Emily: I feel personally attacked that the Lion King II soundtrack isn’t on Spotify.

Abigail: I’m so mad they censored my ROBLOX name. Can’t I be Oscar Wilde in peace?

Sam: How big of lungs do you think a bee has?

Sam: Do bees even have lungs?

Sam: BEES DON’T HAVE LUNGS. HOW DO THEY BLOW OUT THEIR BIRTHDAY CANDLES?!

Sebastian [talking about exams]: It’s never too late to start a mild dependency on cocaine.

Leah: I can’t explain the disbelief and annoyance in which that is John Mulaney must be referred to as ‘John’

Elliot: Do you think moths have feelings? They must.

Sebastian [at 5 am]: I went to bed at 2 but now I’m up again and I hate myself. I shouldn’t have drank four iced coffees.

[sebby-and-abby]

Farmer: Do you think the cause of Sebastian’s isolation is due to his mother’s remarriage?

Farmer: Like, maybe he was very social as a kid, but Maru got more attention than him and it made him feel overshadowed?

Farmer: Or maybe, maybe it’s because Maru sits and thinks by the same river that he smokes by

Farmer: And that’s his river. And he has to wait to smoke when she’s there.

Shane: It’s almost 2 a.m, stop talking to me.

Farmer: It’s the river, isn’t it?

[justleeleethings]

How to make your wife blush in one sentence

Credits to @sebby-and-abby for the quote :)

[retquits]

[pointing aggressively at the stars] YES!!!!!!

based on a text post by @sebby-and-abby!!

bonus:

[sebby-and-abby]

Oh my goodness, this is absolutely adorable! I love it!

[sebby-and-abby]

Maru, pointing at the stars: Yes.

Sebastianlly, irritably: What?

Maru, pointing more forcefully: Yes!

[sebby-and-abby]

Sam: *gets a papercut*

Farmer, under their breath: Hasn’t he been through enough?!

[sebby-and-abby]

Harvey: Look, I know things are difficult, but you can’t bring Sebastian with you.

Farmer: Sir, that’s my emotional support emo-