This one is from an anonymous gifter for Saffron_Eve!
The setting is a post adventure domestic fic, with everyone getting together to enjoy a campfire and all that it entails.
“And now I can tell you about the green ribbon, she said in a low groan. The last of her aching breath blowing towards him. Untie it, and you will see why I never could tell you. He felt sweat beginning to collect at the base of his neck, as he reached out and carefully- “
“Oh god, Albert stop, you don’t need to tell this one every time!” Francoise swatted at the air in front of her as he grinned at her disgust.
“Fran it’s not even scary, it’s sort of romantic in a way.” Joe chimed in, as thoughtfully as he could muster given her near squeal of detest.
“To who?”
She was so quick to answer in exasperated disbelief, that the trio found it hard to contain themselves. Chang and Pyunma sat just off to the side trying their damnedest to stay out of it, but it was getting harder by the minute. Pyunma twist and split oreos in half while Chang worked on artisanally scorching the outside of a handful of soft, fat marshmallows. Then they’d work in tandem to seal the cookies back up with the hot fluff just barely sandwiched between it all.
Joe smacked at the mosquitos circling the backs of his legs, and Francoise huffs between glances at the pock marks tracing his ankles. Jet follows her line of vision and his face sours. “Jesus Christ, did you put on any bug spray?”
“It’s doesn’t look that bad” he said sitting just a little straighter than before.
“Yeah, well it looks like you’re trying to smuggle marbles man.”
Pyunma blew air out his nose trying to stifle a laugh that knew too well when to leave, and tried to face the other end of their makeshift campsite. He bit down on his lips trying to stop it from going and further but even Albert had begun to laugh and it made it that much harder to stop. Joe fished around in a tote bag piled behind their folding chairs until he found the small can of spray.
“You are not doing that here, go over there and spray it” Chang practically spat at him between flaming exhales. “You do that here and guess what? All of this, tastes like DEET and we are not doing that again.” He motioned in wide circles in Pyunmas general direction, the memory of last years smores tasting more like propane than anything else after GB insisted on cooking over a grill. “Uh, right.”
Albert was practically grinning ear to ear as he pulled his phone up to his face and began reading the remainder of the story off his screen. The farther away Joe got, the more Francoise high pitched squeals and the guy’s laughter seemed to echo out into the early evening. He stopped somewhere between the campfire and the house they were all currently calling home, hoping the wind wouldn’t carry the spray too far one way or another and nearly drenched himself in it. Between the can rattling and the fizz of the nozzle he could just make out the slam of the screen porch side door.
Junior flagged him down with one arm, the other cradled Ivan who in turn simply stuck one of his arms directly in the air. “You guys ready yet?” his voice boomed over across the lot. “Yeah, they’re finishing up right now. How are things going with Great?”
“Gilmore is still working on him…” Ivan reaches out for one of the fingers Joe is wiggling in his face. “He fried up pretty well that one.”
“What is Gilmore doing to him?”
Junior smirked “Oh, you gotta come see” The pair walked back into the house following the sound of a wet slap, then a grunt. GB sat half naked and arched over a chair at the kitchen table, toes curling and heels pressing into the hardwood floors. Gilmore hovered over him; sleeves rolled up to his elbows fishing out long strips of paper towel from a bowl of milk. “Here’s the next one” he said before slapping the strip over Great’s hot, red, and by tomorrow leathery skin. He looked like a dumpling with a near transparent wrapper, or like what Joe imagined the early stages of a silk worm making a cocoon would be like. Little beads of milk trailed off his shoulder blades and pooled onto the floorboards.
Great turned his head slightly if not painfully over his shoulder when he heard giggling. “Knock it off already, will you? I learned my lesson, no need to rub salt in the wound.”
“And another” Gilmore called out before laying down the next section of soggy paper towel. Great winced and as sorry a sight it was Junior and Joe couldn’t help but watch the thick white goo spread across his face and ears jiggle with every movement. “You know the sun block only works if you wear it before you get burned.”
“Oh, har har, that’s right get them in while you can. While a fellow is down, quickly now get them in. What will you do next eh? Call the tabloids? Alert the media if you find it so funny, I’ll wait, really.”
“That’s yogurt” Junior tried to answer between rolling laughs “Anything will work so long as it’s got fat and it’s dairy.”
“Last one” GB’s head shot back around with the soft smack against the patch in the middle of his back. “All done.” Gilmore said matter of fact as he carried the bowl back into the kitchen and began pouring the leftover down the drain.
“What’s next?” GB called out to him; a bit too aware of how tight he was holding his shoulders.
“It needs to sit for a while.”
“Pray tell how long is a while?”
“About an hour or two” he said while wiping the milk off his arms and hands.
“An hour? What the hell am I supposed to do for an hour? You lot are trying to eat without me!”
“I said a bath would have been faster-”
“So did I”
Gilmore nodded, “Junior and I both said a milk bath would be faster and what did you say? Something about feeling like a biscuit? Well, we’ve done it your way and now you’ll have to wait and join us.”
“Well will you all at least promise to save me some?”
Gilmore thought for a moment “Now you know that isn’t up to me, we will see how Chang feels.”
Great felt the weight of the day heavy on his shoulders, as he recalled every instance of Chang’s nagging to apply sun block throughout the day. He even remembered Francoise offering and even heckling Jet over the large swatch of thick cream he slathered on his nose. Egg on his face now it all seemed. He mulled over which was better in this case, sitting it out empty stomached or trying to withstand a critical blow from Chang’s repertoire of well-meant talking-tos.
He wilted in his seat and it sucked the joy out of Gilmore’s teasing. Junior handed off Ivan to Joe and began rummaging through the kitchen drawers. To Greats shock and the others humor, Junior came back out with several boxes of cling film in his hands and began pulling out long sheets.
“Oh no” GB started to wonder if sitting inside was really so horrible after all as the film was wound around his wrist and slowly up his forearms. “Oh, you can’t be serious”
“I told you; a bath would have been the easiest” Junior told him as the roll wrapped around another time.
It was incredible, simply incredible GB thought, just how persuasive this man could be with a roll of plastic wrap.
“That night Ruth took a hot bath, and as she soaked the spot burst! Then out poured a swarm of- “
Francoise pushed the wadded-up blanket she had draped over her lap into Jet’s face in an effort to smother the end of the story out of him. She pushed it half-heartedly into a face that had begun laughing once she lunged towards him. “I told you! I told you! One more of these bullshit stories and I was going to do it! You just had to try me!”
The group laughed over the crackle of the fire and the thump of the pair falling out of their chairs and onto the dirt. Francoise yelped and started pounding her fists into his chest while Jet nearly wheezed from how mad she was getting.
Gilmore passed a large aluminum baking tray to Pyunma, picking up one of the culinary abominations he’d only seen on late night home shopping network programs. Slotted somewhere between all the other needless kitchen knick-knacks and overly branded gadgets. They would call it whatever they wanted but filleted oreos with a burnt marshmallow a smore did not make. But it would take him one…or five before he could probably explain why.
Pyunma in turn, passed the tray to Junior who was chipping off bits of cookie to hand feed to Ivan whose cheeks were already powdered in what looked like soot. The pair gave up an hour or so ago at keeping his hands clean, the damn things kept getting sticky the moment they looked away.
Chang was next, and he similar to Junior was breaking the cookie into chunks and tried to feed Great out of the palm of his hand like a horse. Whatever embarrassment would come from that was already far outweighed by the sheen of his cling wrap coat and his slowly caking yogurt mask. He was thankful at least that in the night they couldn’t get a good enough gander at all the details.
Albert leaned across GB’s lap to take the tray from Chang and quickly nudged it onto a laughing Joe’s lap. They watched as the pair stopped wrestling long enough to get back into their chairs. Jet covered in dirt practically all over his back and Francoise with it all over her shins and somehow even a few twigs tangled in a large knot on the side of her fringe. Her chest heaved with the ridiculousness of it all, catching her breath and feeling so frustrated at these back-to-back gross stories. If they were genuinely scary that was one thing, but high jacking the evening to talk about the most deranged and disgusting stories were beyond her.
As she calmed down it became apparent no one else had started a new story, and she felt a bit worried that she killed the mood. Though when Francoise glanced around the fire everyone was looking at her and trying very obviously, or maybe very badly more like it- to hold in a laugh.
