When getting out of bed, cleaning the house, and paying the bills are unbearable chores, being responsible for another human being’s welfare can feel like a crushing burden. A Dominant who lives with depression may at times feel weak, irresponsible, no match for the task of even showing up to the job, nevermind exerting the effort and strength required to be the submissive’s rock and shelter. Depression creates unique challenges for the relationship, and will test the strength and patience of both Dominant and submissive. Only by working together can the couple maintain their bond and fulfill their roles.
Here are a few observations and bits of wisdom I’ve gleaned from capable sources, as well as from my own time in the trenches.
Your mental health is your responsibility. Yes, your partner should support you in every way possible and make all efforts to help you through the rough patches. But no one can cure you. No one can save you. No one can carry the burden for you. Take your meds. Talk to your therapist. Keep your appointments. And when you feel like doing nothing but lying in bed and hiding from the world, remember that you are a Dominant, you are strong, you are your own light. Throw off those covers and leap out of bed.
Tell your submissive what you need. This is often exceedingly difficult, because you may not have a clue what you need. But make every effort to keep those lines of communication open. During your lowest times, your submissive may feel lost and unsure without your usual guidance and strength. Assure them that you love them still, that this depression is in no way a reflection on them, and give them tasks that will allow them to do what most drives them: pleasing you
Submissives, this is your opportunity to step up and show your quality. Pleasing your Dominant is your purpose and goal in this relationship. Keep to your daily rituals and rules as much as possible. Remind your owner that you belong to them, that you love them with all your heart, and that they are not alone in the darkness. Do those things that usually please them, without waiting to be told. And above all, be available, and be patient. They will come back to you. You just have to turn on the light for them to find their way home.
Depression can sap all of your strength and motivation. It can make you doubt everyone and everything. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You’re not suffering from depression; you are living with it. You are not a victim; you are a survivor. When the darkness settles around you like an impenetrable fog, remember the steel you’re made of and the be empowered by the worship of the one who loves you above all others. Get up. Wake up. Arise, O lions, and shake off the delusion that you are sheep.
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