[funnytwittertweets]

[what-a-bastard]

Accepting identities I don't understand is actually extremely easy because I just go "this isn't about me" and move on with my life unbothered by someone else's identity, it's truly that simple.

[sapkalikedii]

[lambergeier]

truly can’t believe the entire internet used to be about playing little games. it was about having adobe flash and playing little games on nick.com

[caturday]

[snyggabrillor]

File under ‘Vintage Cat Photos, One of the Best Ever.’

[littleimpstudio]

This is what I want my life to be like

[k-eke]

Very happy bears 

[thegreenthingslivebeforetheydie]

my favorite is when Kermit’s facial expression is simultaneously an obvious hand in a puppet but also an instantly recognizable and relatable emotion

[thegreenthingslivebeforetheydie]

[misshoneywheeler]

[wickedwonderlandd]

[ethnostates]

real friends will copy your serial killer patterns when the police have you in custody so that the police think there’s no way that you’re the killer because you were in jail at the time of the murder

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

I love jaywalking with strangers. They can’t kill all of us!!!

[bellossom]

besties... ATTACK!!!

[weaver-z]

Imagine being a reverse Superman where you're really weak and struggle to keep up with your peers for your whole life until you learn that you're actually just from a race of aliens with comparatively shit body strength. This is the premise of Tarzan

[aquaflv]

hey everyone, great news! starting monday we're relaxing our don't-piss-in-the-pool requirements and no longer mandating that swimmers control their bladders while in the water. of course if you're more comfortable not pissing in the pool, you may continue to do so - everyone should make the pee decision that feels safest for them and their family. please respect everyone's choice about where to pee. thanks 😊

[aquaflv]

fantastic update, our restaurant has lifted its smoking ban and is now smoking-optional. you may continue to not smoke inside if you'd prefer, but we're excited to now offer our guests the freedom to make everyone else in this enclosed airspace inhale whatever particulates they'd like to release via combustion. if you have like some kind of health problem or whatever, you are totally welcome to choose not to smoke. we're very excited to be getting back to normal!

[mytearsrricochet]

no offense to Socrates and Plato n all of them but I would’ve figured that stuff out too if I was like the 10th person to ever exist

[cursedcatimages]

This is Thomas and what she lacks in a chin she more than makes up for in whiskers.

[dontmakemechokeaginge]

This looks like the oblivion customization screen

[darflores]

my hobbies include knowing and being right

[dark-sappho]

"defend your thesis" why are you attacking my thesis

[ampervadasz]

[bisexualwario]

get flipped idiot