It’s been some time since the last time I blogged. I feel like I need to put the experiences as of late in text, though. I don’t want to ever forget what happened last week. Last week, for those not in the know, I went to Play on Con. This is my first ever convention to attend. It certainly WON’T be my last. I already have my ticket for next year. ^_^
I am a very shy individual. I struggle to carry on a conversation. I tend to circle back on a conversation that’s moved on. Often I stand around (or sit) awkwardly. I have a minimal filter and sometimes stay stupid things without thinking. Other times I want to add my two cents, but don’t. I never know what’s appropriate to say and when or when not to speak. I don’t want to be so limited in my social interactions. I want to chat. I want to be more social. I believe last week is a great stepping stone for this, but I still have an extremely long way to go.
I left Thursday early morning (5 AM EDT) for Calera. I left an hour later than I’d planned, but that worked out. Very minimal traffic delays (1 near Knoxville), and quickly passing through or just behind storms that slipped through. Learned the hard way, though, that I need to put sunblock on my arms and knees when I drive or I’ll burn. Arrival happened at lunch, and I got a chance to meet for lunch with a few others who had arrived. This was a very good thing, because this gave me a chance to start meeting people in smaller groups and be less overwhelmed. After that, I went to the hotel, checked in, took my luggage in, and headed for the start of the convention.
Upon arrival at the con, I was a little confused and slightly overwhelmed about the process for getting your badge, etc. Managed to work it out, followed by finding a few more new faces in person and live piano. Shortly after, the next group arrived and… nope. Too many people. Could not get myself to go say hello. I was overwhelmed. I awkwardly stayed back, and just ended up having a sit down isolating myself. This is where having already met some others in person helped. I ended up feeling like I was isolating myself until called to join the group by those individuals. Finally got to start meeting the others. Next up, everyone made their way to first panel. This became my first in person panel experience (streamed/recorded panels I do not count). I enjoyed watching and listening, and look forward to next year. Following was a trip into town for dinner (of which I managed to break from driving… 8+ hours on the road already). We ate at a pizza place and I got a salad (stupid gluten sensitivity). Still, a chance for some social interactions. Exactly what I want and need more of. Afterwards, some people headed back for the hotel while others back to the con and then back to the hotel. I stuck around the con and briefly checked out the charity casino. Kinda wish I’d’ve actually played some poker there. Instead, several of us went back to the game building to hang out and play games (this happened a lot, and, because of how much I love board/card games, I most definitely enjoyed this). As it got late, it got to be time to head back for the hotel. I may have stayed out a bit TOO late. I was tired for the drive back, and ended up falling back slightly because I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Made it back safe and sound, changed into my PJ’s (which double as something I can wear outside and not draw attention to myself), and went to bed. Only regret for the day: didn’t get a chance to say successfully say hi to Graph.
The next morning, woke up and got breakfast (the hotel went and bought me a gluten free cereal the day before and kept it behind the counter just for me). After a shower and getting ready, I headed back out for the con. Met up with everyone in one of the dorms and just sat and chilled. At one point, I was being summoned outside with more of the group. Was to grab an awesome handmade gift from Meru and finally say hello to Graph. Before either of those could happen, we ended up aiming for the coolness of the game building. On the way, FINALLY got a chance to say hi to Graph. I saw her talking to JoeHills and held back and to the side as the rest of the group made their way to the game room just to say hi where things wouldn’t be getting so overwhelming for me. Unfortunately, for the whole con, I don’t feel like I got as much a chance to chat with some people as I’d’ve liked. I definitely finally got a chance to say hi in person. In the game room, I got the gift from Meru and got to hang out and chat with various people until the group made their way for the next panel and hung out outside waiting for the start of the panel. I kinda had a question, but I didn’t really get a chance to ask it before the panel ended (for what I could tell, I don’t think everyone quiet got to their topics of discussion). I did manage to ask later that night on the ride back to the hotel. An hour later, PoC presidential announcements and Table Flipping. The table flipping was therapeutic, and I’m glad I got a chance to participate. Soon after, dinner time. Many of us went to an awesome steakhouse in Clanton (I really hope this becomes a Friday night tradition). Still laughing about Friendship Road turning into Blacksnake Road. Also, still slowly coming out of my shell for conversing. Once back, some left, others game room. On the way there, I ran into a few of the group chatting with JoeHills. Finally got a chance to meet him, though, but because he was in the conversation with the others, indirectly. I got to actually say hi the next day, which felt more of actually meeting someone than what initially happened. This is pretty much how I spent most of the rest of the night. Ending on a game of Superfight, that was a very fun night. I mention Superfight because I have to mention my best combatant. Darth Vader with the power to steal opponents power. Good bye opponents advantage and simply use the Force to Force Choke my opponent. I got soundly defeated a few times with other characters, but this still stands out. After the game wrapped up, it was the perfect time to head back. I was still plenty awake and I would not be at risk to doze behind the wheel.
Saturday ended up being a LOT of game playing early in the day. Even a few HOURS of playing poker. It was fun. The whole time we were playing games (for the whole con, even), I became oblivious to the crowds outside the table. It wasn’t until the Lip Sync Competition on that I began partaking in the scheduled events again (kinda regret missing some of the gaming scheduled events, but I still had a blast). Went with the group to watch the Lip Sync Competition, but stood towards the back of the group. It was good. Entertaining. Following that was the Costume Contest. Still standing in the same area with more people filling in. My lower back was starting to hurt a little, but I kept on standing to see the rest of the stuff. Then the beginning of the Presidential Election and BOOM! Power out! I’d’ve kept on standing around, but my lower back was starting to hurt a bit. I had to make my way to sit down, which helped, but I didn’t realize quiet so much, but I think the crowd/noise/and now flashlights were starting to get to me. Any strobe lights were most DEFINITELY getting to me. Strobe lights because history of epilepsy. But otherwise everything was slowly adding up to a sensory overload. I actually held out on that fairly well for a while, moving off into isolated corners and such to try to help myself. I never actually fully pulled myself out of there away from the crowds, but only enough to delay… And then finally just heading outside. Much quieter, but still felt a bit overcrowded at this point. By this point, any strobe lights were starting to be an issue for me to the point I was showing irritability if I saw them. Ended up standing off by myself and trying to keep my distance from anyone (especially if they looked like they were in a similar situation). The plan became to head back to the game room and decide on what to do from there. I was looking forward to the distraction of gaming. I decided I wanted to trail behind everyone in the group to not have the added anxiety of knowing people are behind me. Unfortunately, as we approached the game room, it hit. The crickets chirping and the chatter going on inside the building... I don't know whether to call it a sensory overload, an anxiety attack, or a panic attack (or how much difference there is in any of them). I started to fight back internally from letting it happen, but it was so overwhelming, when it hit, I drew away to the side of the path and collapsed into as small a shape as I could make myself fit. It was too much. I can only say thank God I was with this group, because on my own, I don't know what I'd've done. Once it was over, and I could make my way to the building again, we proceeded and my first goal was water. Power out meant no working water fountains. Fortunately, someone familiar with the place knew a sink that would still work and we proceeded to fill my water bottle... which I promptly drank at least half of. I was calmer, but still shaken. I wanted to play games, but as I sat waiting for the verdict of what was going on, my situation was not exactly getting any better. Not really worse, but definitely not better. Everyone not going to the concert but not going where they were staying was gathering together in that building, as it was the only one still with power. I decided to head back to the hotel and watch YouTube. The incident, however, had drained me of energy. Not enough not to drive back, but enough to change my plans to sleep. At least on the drive back I got to listen to my new favorite album: Everything Was Sound, by Silent Planet. Actually, I picked that specifically because of what had happened and how I felt and I felt that was the perfect mirror to how I felt. In any event, I enjoyed the activities of the day... it's just this particular event really stood out to me because of how intense it was. Always do these things with friends. Never alone. Who knows what would've happened had I been there on my own, or how long until someone helped me. I am thankful for those who asked how I was doing when I (thought) I was okay and for the help for when I wasn't. Thank You.
The final day, I woke up super early. For some reason, any time I slept, I slept for 6 hours before waking up for the day. Because I went to bed earlier, that meant being up earlier the final day. I actually made the coffee meetup and the farewells. For this, I ended up standing off on my own a little as 1: I'm terrible at good-byes, and 2: I still felt a little awkward approaching people. Hugs galore that day. I wish I'd got more. Next year (and I am going next year... already got my ticket), I want the hugs to start from the greetings, if possible. Group pictures were taken for all the different groups, starting with everybody (really hope to see that one soon... I miss everyone). About the only thing to do this day was the PoC Wrap Up. All day was the everyone heads out and home and such. I detoured my route through Nashville to check out McKays. Highly recommend. Unfortunately, my early morning caught up with me about an hour out from Knoxville. I struggled to make it there awake, but I did. I didn't want to worry anyone about that, but... if you're reading this... I have a plan next year. 6 hour drive and stay in Nashville Wednesday. 3 hours to Birmingham Thursday. 3 hours back to Nashville Sunday. Depending on anything that does or does not happen Monday, either 3 hours to Knoxville Monday and 3 hours home Tuesday or 6 hours straight home Monday. In short, I will not be driving long hauls on the first or last days of the con anymore. Those are the days I struggled behind the wheel once it got late. I already do that enough with my job on nights I don't get the right kind or amount of sleep and I still have to work anyway.
tl;dr - had fun; going back next year
