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@selfmxdicating-archive-blog
Archived!
//This blog is no more. If you still wanna roleplay with Nathan, follow over here.
Archived!
//This blog is no more. If you still wanna roleplay with Nathan, follow over here.
i hope your lies carve themselves into your insides
SEND A 🔊 AND I WILL GENERATE A NUMBER FOR WHAT MY MUSE SAYS TO YOURS.
numbers: ( 1 - 470 ) link to generator: here content: Marianas Trench Lyrics (contains some harsh language and nsfwish themes ) (change pronouns as needed.)
Keep reading
ofbelief:
@selfmxdicating liked here for a starter. She was acutely aware that she was pushed up to the other (which made her mildly nervous and uncomfortable) but she had no choice. There was no way around this situation and she felt her legs buckle with fear. There was no mistaking how utterly terrified she felt, and she tried her hardest not to breathe too loudly to alert the predator to their location–unlike the one beside her. Nathan seemed to be muttering under his breath and Kate couldn’t help but turn to him, hues pleading for him to calm down. ❝ Nathan..we have to be quiet…he will hear us. ❞
He wasn’t exactly sure what possessed him to intervene. Maybe it had been a long time coming. Maybe it was because he wanted to pretend he was still a good person. Either way, he did it. Now he was up shit’s creek without a paddle. They were in the old barn, hiding from Mr. Jefferson. He would find them. At least the darkness was acting as a decent cover, as well as the small hiding place they had actually found. Their only hope was to escape into the woods. He knew Jefferson was armed. He knew driving away would make too much noise. His hands were shaking, he couldn’t stop himself from muttering under his breath as the light from a flashlight seemed to inch closer to them.
“Fuck... I know... Just... Just... Shut up, alright....?” The light moved away. He just needed him to leave the barn. Then maybe they could sneak outside...
C H L O E:
❝ Pulling out the deep shit, are we, Prescott? ❞
Looking to wringing hands adorned with chipped nail polish, Chloe’s brow furrowed in deep thought. Tempting as it was to indulge her likely already soot blackened lungs with another cigarette of distraction, something deep within Chloe stilled her hand. Nathan always an unpredictable variable at best, recent time between them had dulled the blade of a man she once knew as a threat. Not quite ready to indulge Nathan with the category of misunderstood, she instead shoved him rather carelessly into that of cheated.
Frowning to lower her head into expectant hands, Chloe shook her head before uttering a dry laugh.
❝ Guess it’s a fucking good thing neither of us are EVIL then, right? ❞
Lesser of two evils. The idea was something he found almost comforting. If anything, wasn’t that what he was? Between his father and him? Between Mark Jefferson and him? Wasn’t he the lesser evil? Wasn’t he the one that tried to cling to something good? A human part of him? All he wanted was for things to go back. He wanted things to be okay again. But then again, he always found himself unsure of when things were EVER okay.
“I dunno....” He replied. He was still feeling detached. He couldn’t bring himself to fall into any emotion. He just felt frozen. Like a walking corpse.
“What makes somebody evil? Is it just the things they do?”
Yahoo says its revenue fell 19 per cent from a year earlier, while its loss widened to $440 million. Yahoo also reported Monday that it's writing down $482 million in charges related to the declining value of Tumblr.
I FUCKING KNEW IT.
SO. IF YOU KNOW YOUR FANDOM HISTORY, YOU CAN SEE THE WRITING ON THE WALL RIGHT NOW.
AND IN CASE YOU DON’T, I will tell you a story.
I don’t know if Yahoo as a corporate entity hates fandom, or if it LOVES fandom in the way a flame longs to wrap its embrace around a forest. Or maybe it’s just that fandom is an enticingly big and active userbase; but just by the nature of our enterprise, we are extremely difficult to monetize.
It doesn’t matter.
Once upon a time - in the era before anyone had heard of google - if you wanted to post fandom (or really, ANY) content, you made your own webpage out of nested frames and midi files. And you hosted it on GeoCities.
GeoCities was free and… there. If the internet of today is facebook and tumblr and twitter, the internet of the late 90s WAS GeoCities.
And then Yahoo bought GeoCities for way too much money and immediately made some, let’s say, User Outreach Errors. And anyway, the internet was getting more varied all the time, fandom mostly moved on - it wasn’t painful. GeoCities was free hosting, not a community space - but the 90s/early 00s internet was still there, preserved as if in amber, at GeoCities.com.
Until 2009, when Yahoo killed it. 15 years of early-internet history - a monument to humanity’s masses first testing the potential of the internet, and realizing they could build anything they wanted… And what they wanted to build was shines to Angel from BtVS with 20 pages of pictures that were too big to wait for on a 56k modem, interspersed with MS Word clipart and paragraphs of REALLY BIG flashing fushia letters that scrolled L to R across the page. And also your cursor would become a different MS Word clipart, with sparkles.
(So basically nothing has changed, except you don’t have to personally hardcode every entry in your tumblr anymore. Progress!)
And it was all wiped out, just like that. Gone. (except on the wayback machine, an important project, but they didn’t get everything) The weight of that loss still hurts. The sheer magnitude…
Imagine a library stocked with hundreds of thousands of personal journals, letters, family photographs, eulogies, novels, etc. dated from a revolutionary period in history, and each one its only copy. And then one day, its librarians become tired of maintaining it, so they set the library and all its contents on fire.
And watch as the flames take everything.
Brush the ash from their hands.
Walk away.
Once upon a time - in the era after everyone had heard of google, but still mostly believed them about “Don’t be evil” - fandom had a pretty great collective memory. If someone posted a good fic, or meta, or art, or conversation relevant to your interests? Anywhere? (This was before the AO3, after all.) You could know p much as soon - or as many years late - as you wanted to.
Because there was a tagging site - del.icio.us - that fandom-as-a-whole used; it was simple, functional, free, and there. Yahoo bought it in 2005. Yahoo announced they were closing it in 2010.
They ended up selling it instead, but not all the data went with it - many users didn’t opt to the migration. And even then, the new version was busted. Basically unusable for fannish searching or tagging purposes. This is the lure and the danger of centralization, I guess.
It is like fandom suffered - collectively - a brain injury. Memories are irrevocably lost, or else they are not retrievable without struggle. New ones aren’t getting formed. There is no consensus replacement.
We have never yet recovered.
Once upon a time… Yahoo bought tumblr.
I don’t know how you celebrated the event, but I spent it backing up as much as I could, because Yahoo’s hobby is collecting the platforms that fandom relies on and destroying them.
I do not think Yahoo is “bad” - I am criticizing them on their own site, after all, and I don’t expect any retribution. I genuinely hope they sort out their difficulties.
But they are, historically, bad for US.
And right now is a good time to look at what you’ve accumulated during your career on this platform, and start deciding what you want to pack and what can be left behind to become ruins. And ash.
…On a cheerier note, wherever we settle next will probably be much better! This was never a good place to build a city.
MORAL ALIGNMENT
FROM THIS TEST
tagged by : nobody lol
You Got: Chaotic Neutral
You follow your own rules, often in direct contradiction to the law of the land. You’re not beholden to traditions, and you believe strongly in freedom, regardless of how it is obtained.
You Got: Lawful Neutral
You’re motivated by tradition and you strongly believe in law and order. You put a lot of faith in process, and you’ll often follow orders without questioning them, as long as it doesn’t cause you to act immorally.
Tagging: whoever wants to do it
au wishlist ;; VOODOO DOLL
MUSE A has been kidnapped and locked away by MUSE B, who keeps their precious new pet in line by using a makeshift voodoo doll to control MUSE A’s every action. in order to ensure that their new toy behaves, MUSE B employs various instruments of torture whenever they take MUSE A out from their cage. MUSE A has two options – continue being MUSE B’s plaything, or attempt to escape from their confines and risk paying the ultimate price.
❤ ᔕᕼᕮ'ᔕ ᔕTIᒪᒪ ᗪᕮᗩᗪ ᗯᕼᕮᑎ YOᑌ'ᖇᕮ ᗪOᑎᕮ ᗯITᕼ Tᕼᕮ ᗷOTTᒪᕮ ❤
Indie Rachel Amber roleplay blog. Written by Bluez.
11+ years of roleplay experience.
Muns 21+, Muse 18+.
Some NSFW and triggering content
//Hopefully I’ll be on more after this exam. I’m almost done with this semester so it’s a ton of homework and studying. For my worst fucking subject. I’m gonna try to do replies later on this week. You know, between homework, exams, studying, work, and actually going to school. Lol.
rustedxmetalxheart:
Once Nathan removed the handgun from his jacket once again, Chloe could feel that looming fear returning inside of her. That fear that he may be toying with her, that this was all a sick prank or a joke — but the fears subsided once he set the gun down on the floor. Everything about the way he was talking, what he had just done - it was a side of Nathan she didn’t think really existed. A genuine, legitimately caring side that he had never shown before.
Part of Chloe still shouted to make a grab for the gun, her wrists had been cut free, she could probably kill him - but she didn’t want to. In her moment of ultimate weakness and vulnerability, Chloe actually trusted Nathan Prescott with her life. Blinking heavily, the blue haired punk saw his red jacket being offered out to her, but her hand slowly raised to decline. “I’m… I’m okay, but - thanks.” she said softly, finally pushing her back up off of the floor and reaching down to free her bare ankles. Vision still blurred and groggy, her motor skills were somewhat shaky and slowed, tampered by the effects of the drugs still in her body. Despite some effort, Chloe slipped them off and glanced around the room, spotting a pair of battered jeans and her usual leather jacket atop a black metal crate in the corner. “I don’t really — remember where Max is, but… c-could you help me up?” The thought alone scared her to death. Not knowing where Max was at all. With a shaky exhale, tear stained eyes fluttered back to look towards Nathan, tinge of her own guilt threatening to show itself to him. He had seen her like this, and rescued her from certain death by killing her captor. The least Chloe could offer was some of her own comfort. “H-hey, we’re gonna be okay — both of us. We’ll b-be okay. Let’s just… just fucking g-go, alright?”
He still held his jacket with a bit of uncertainty. He should have expected she’d decline his offer. Maybe it was better. He rarely felt comfortable without layers on. Even with the clothes he still had on under the jacket, he felt more exposed. His skin was too thin to be exposed. Too damaged. While she freed her own feet, he slipped his jacket back on. He tried to keep his eyes on her, not on the dead man nearby. His ears were still ringing from the shot, each blink brought the sight of him falling back to him.
He stayed quiet. She didn’t know where Max was. Hopefully, Jefferson didn’t kill her. The thought made him shiver. It scared the shit out of him. He should have warned Max. He should have done more than leave a stupid voicemail. He was such a fucking coward.
He offered a quiet ‘sure’ as helped Chloe to her feet. Her words were familiar. Empty as his own thoughts that tried to tell him the same damn thing. He shook his head a little. It was so hard to push down the guilt, to push all his emotions down. “You’re gonna be fine... I... I don’t know. I’m not sure what to do... The cops, right? They can look for Max.” But they would certainly arrest him. Maybe he’d just drop Chloe off and drive into the fucking ocean. That seemed better than actually getting arrested. It was more likely what he deserved, anyway.
Everytime I see your face, I wish you would drop off the earth. Never to be seen again. And once you’re gone, I hope for you to burn in the fucking 7th circle of hell.
I didn’t want things to go this way. Fuck.
You fucking did this to me.