Give me a reason to live

(Fandom-less indie RP OC blog) (Tracking Selmawinter)

[momopuff]

[84-85/100] → scarlett johansson

[montanaparker]

Don't Leave Me Dead || Monty/Selma

[montanaparker]

He thought about it but didn’t make the move. Going after her meant she was right all along. And it meant he’d lost at his own game. He started this, he realized. Pride or arrogance, fear, humiliation —- the why of it didn’t matter now. Selma left and nothing could make him go after her. Nothing and no one, not even Selma’s half attempt at a declaration of love. All they had between them were the games they played. There was no substance, no worth. She was just a challenge he wanted to overcome. She was just a child who couldn’t fight back. The glass felt heavy in his hand. It was a distraction anyway, something to fill the time with. He set the glass down on the counter then moved away from the kitchen to the living room. With failing strength, he glanced at the door and considered it again. She couldn’t have gone very far. She’d dismiss his fear, she’d forgive his hesitance. She’d take him back and he wouldn’t lose a damned thing, after all —- except himself. That’s what he kept turning over in his head. The afterwards, the part where they have to live together, the days that turn into nights of silence between them. Nothing will change. He’ll live for the game and she’ll live for him and that’s no way to live. Maybe it was the buzz from the whiskey but the room was spinning and he felt sick. He sat down on the couch. He leaned forward, his elbows digging into his knees as he lowered his head into his hands. She’ll be back, he told himself. And if not then he’ll be there to remind her of what could’ve been. Always a reminder because this was her fault. She should’ve been insistent. She should’ve begged him. She should’ve admitted that she’d die without him. It would’ve been easier. He wouldn’t have had to say a word. And he’d’ve taken her in his arms and kissed her because what was the point in saying anything anyway? He sighed as he raised his head to look at the door again. He was expecting her to come back. He was expecting an apology. Any minute now. She’ll be back. Because she needed him more than he would ever need her. Because this was just another game and she was making a point that she could play at it too, that she could beat him, that, this time, she was setting the rules. He understood it now. Even if she marries someone else, it’d be another game. That’s what this was, wasn’t it? Point taken. You can come back now. Something told him not to count on it. But if she wasn’t coming back then he sure as hell wouldn’t go after her. At least not until the time was right.

[selmawinterarchive]

No matter how much she wanted to turn her back she didn't go to him all over again. Why should she? He was the stubborn one, he was the fool. He was the one who would rather linger in self pity than anything else and if that's what she wanted then she wasn't going to do a single thing to try and stop him. Why should she? If he wanted her he was going to have to fight a little harder for it.

That was, if he wanted her at all.

Hailing a cab she got in and asked to be driven back home. The driver was looking in the mirror, worried at her appearance but he never once asked and she was glad for it. She honestly didn't need to end up getting emotional on an old man that she hardly knew. No, she just wanted Monty here, she wanted to have walked away from his place and be a new woman.

That's what she wanted. She wanted to reinvent herself, she wanted to be someone else entirely. No similarities and no ties at all. Just the ashes of who she had been bottled up and Monty blowing them away with his love at her side. But love? Was love even for people like them?

Finally she was brought home and she shuffled some money over before getting out and heading inside. Once in she took her shower and sat in bed with a good book. But she wasn't paying attention, she was just casually watching the hours tick by. Just casually reminding herself that Monty wasn't coming at all. She could live without him, she had done it for years. What could possibly change when you're already so removed from it?

[gqstyle]

Breakout Actor James Badge Dale on Iron Man 3, The Lone Ranger, and Wild Horses

[breathtakingqueens]

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

Hole In A Paper Heart-{Will+Selma}

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

He stirred but he didn’t wake up. He stirred and he could smell the food. And then he could feel her presence again, pressing close to him. He could feel her touch on his chest and her breath in his ear. He didn’t open his eyes for a moment. He only reached for her wrist and lightly wrapped his hand around it. He stayed there a moment, unmoving. Until eventually he opened his eyes.

She looked different in the morning than she did at night. There was a certain vulnerability to her face in the pale light. It was strange being this near to her. It was strange being close to anyone. It had been too long. And she had ingrained herself in that weak spot of his self imposed isolation. She had slipped through a crack even when he thought that he was well fortified.

He sat up then, releasing her wrist. He ran his hand back through his hair and turned to look at the clock. It wasn’t later than he was used to waking up. But he was grateful it was a Saturday. No work today. No nothing. Just this. He had a small routine, dealt out in silence with only the dogs and him. But Selma was there now. He wasn’t sure how to fit her in.

"You didn’t have to do that." he said, smiling a little bit as he turned to look back at her.

[selmawinterarchive]

He looked a right mess. His hair was a mass of curls and she couldn't help but smile at his own smile that looked both tired and enthused. He was everything right then, the perfect balance of calm and disheveled. She wasn't even thinking of what could happen were he not as balanced as she thought he could be. She just wanted to be wanted- and not for anything that she had done.

Leaning forward on her palms she smiled and pressed a kiss to his check, resting there to feel the whisper calm and warmth of his skin as a small breath parted from her. "Nonsense." She whispered before pulling back and slipping off of the bed.

Casting a glance quickly back at him she headed into the kitchen again and sat at the table, leaning on her elbow as she waited for him to come on out and enjoy what she hoped would be satisfying enough.

[miss-johansson]

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

Left To Atrophy

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

Molly had been waiting. She wasn’t upset even though he had thought that she was going to be. She simply told him to get dressed or they’d be late. So he listened. She thought that he was going to say something, didn’t she? Anything really. But he didn’t. He found this time he wanted to go in spite of the crowds. And she knew the reasons. She always seemed to know his reasons for everything.

They arrived. And Molly, clinging to his arm told him it was only right for them to one round together. Before he left. And he wondered if he was hurting her. He thought that he might one to. He was ashamed at his thought.

They met Selma and her date half way. He wasn’t expecting her to come with anyone. He felt Molly watching him as she started in on introductions with the young man. He bit the inside of his cheek, stifling out the sharp pain that caused. He tasted blood. He looked at Selma, he felt Molly. And then he said he needed a drink.

He drifted before he even had a chance to say anything. He drifted before he could even shake hands with the guy standing there. He moved to the bar and ordered a whiskey. He suddenly didn’t want to be there anymore. He downed his first drink and called for a second. There was a man talking to him. Fast, American. He asked him about his legend. Will wanted to laugh. He answered with curt replies, watching the room. Watching Selma. Eventually he excused himself, taking a passing moment when she was standing on her own, to stand by her side.

"I didn’t know you had a date."

[selmawinterarchive]

She had to wonder if she had upset Will. What would she do if she had? Would she apologize? But there was nothing at all to apologize for, not when he was married and bound to someone else. A kiss in the stifling waves hardly proved anything other than a tryst that he was willing to pursue. And for how long would that last?

Feeling his presence before she saw him she looked on over at him and gave a small shake of her head, hand loosely on her hip as she brought her drink to her lips and let the cool liquid slip down her throat.

"Because I didn't tell you." She stated, eyes finding his just then as she set her now empty glass on a passing tray. He looked the man that words said that he was just then. He looked like the crime within the mist and she wanted to put the shackles no to join him in whatever sentence he might be receiving.

But she knew that was impossible. He had another figure in his life that joined in his shadows. She couldn't pull him from his oaths and promises, no matter how badly she wanted to.

"Jealous?"

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

Somber Resplendence-{Will+Selma}

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

He brought her to where he worked. It was dark but he didn’t light any of the lamps. He only moved to the cabinet and got out the cure. It did work. He figured in small enough doses. And he wondered what they would mean for the both of them? Would she want to end her life once her eternity was stripped off of her? Or would she bask in her mortality and stay with him?

He held the small box in his hands. He didn’t move. He didn’t make it back over to her. He stood there, staring at the small box. Maybe he should shatter it, maybe he should throw it out and take the anit dose himself. Maybe. But he knew that he couldn’t do that. After all this searching for her the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Give her what she wants and then what?

He took in a deep breath and then moved over to her. He stopped just in front of her. He lifted his eyes from the box and looked at her, holding it out a bit to her. Almost reluctant. Would she see that and spite him for that?

"Only take a small dose. One hourly. It’s the only way it’ll work. Too much will kill you."

[selmawinterarchive]

She wondered about what he said. Wondered what would be so horrible about wanting to die now. Sure the years hadn't been too long but they had felt like an eternity. Death and sorrow, lingering ache that echoed within her soul had made it feel like she had been alive for the centuries that had expelled themselves before her.

She stepped forward then and reached out, taking hold of the box that he offered her and couldn't help the way that her hands slightly shook. She could forsake this moment if he would just hold her, hold her until the cold vanished and death no longer had a hold on her. But she couldn't let him hold her. Not when she was stained so badly.

Giving him a small nod she moved in the dark to sit and she set the box in her lap. "Small doses." she whispered.

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

Kiss And Control-{+Will+Selma}

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

She always referred to his home as if it were her own. As if the two of them were actually one complete person. Like there was no division between the two of them. He felt a little hollowed out by the thought though. He wasn’t enough for himself. How could he be enough for her? She wanted home. But he knew that he didn’t really have one to offer her. He had nothing really. And if she had seen that she would’ve left.

Did he want her to leave? Go back to her movies and her screwing? Go back and leave. But he knew that he couldn’t tell her that. Couldn’t tell her a damned thing. He wanted above everything to save her. Was salvation love? He didn’t know the answer to that question.

They could go back to Louisiana. It was fall now. It would be heady and musky, it would be cooler. But a smokey cool. Everything in Louisiana reminded him of smoke. They could live there by the water. And he could marry her out there. He could make her alright. But did he want to go back? Did he want to rewrite everything that he had worked for? Did he want to retreat into the life he had lived before? Could he?

He wanted to smile at her but he couldn’t. He wanted to force it onto his face. Even if it would be cracked and broken on the skin of his lips. He wanted to push. Only it wouldn’t come.

"Of course." he said and he did manage to kiss her this time. But it was a small kiss. Just a mere brushing of his lips against her. "We can leave in the morning."

[selmawinterarchive]

Something told her that they werent leaving. Selma wasnt sure what it was. Whether it had been the lack of determination in his eyes or the brief kiss given to her without promise to those final words. He didnt want to go back, did he? And she was forcing this and for what? For a dream that was hardly ongoing anymore. A dream that was so tattered it was hardly anything at all. It was nothing but shreds and she wasnt sure what to feel anymore at all.

And yet she was clinging to the hope that he would come back to her. Even in her filth and rot he would find something worthy of return. Only he was a ghost now. Ever since she knew he knew about her he had become the whispered shadows painted on the walls. No matter how many times you attempt to reach out to catch it the light always shifts and you're always so terribly alone. So empty and lost.

He wanted this life, or at least some part of it. Out here on the dirty streets and the broken skies. He wanted despair and loneliness because this was what he had fought for. Years toiling and perhaps now the light of day could shatter down on it and here she was stealing that from him because of a lone hope that she could be whole again in him. Within that shielded spirit of his that could protect hers. He knew that, didnt he? That he was the reason for waking up everyday?

She nodded then and gave a half broken smile. Taking a step back and towards the room she let out a quiet breath, letting the absence of promise echo. "I'll go pack."

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

From The Bottom Of My Soul-{Will+Selma-HS AU}

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

He actually managed a smile at what she said. He didn’t want to put the weight of his heavy burden on her. Not like when he had taken her out to that field a few weeks ago. Not like when he had told her everything. He had decided to leave himself restrained. And he was so well aware of the restraints he had tired around himself. He was aware of the clasping of his shackles. The metal cut into his skin and he could feel himself bleeding.

He shifted so that he was facing her. But he still leaned his side against the wall. Everything he could’ve told her had already come out. In words that were half of the feelings that he felt. But he knew that was for the best. She was living now. And he was still trying to figure that out.

He shook his head at her question. “No. Not that.” he said, lowering his eyes to the space between. A light swaying of shadows on the concrete of the sidewalk. It felt like a lot more than a few steps away from her. It felt like it was a lot more than just empty squares. It felt like a million miles, it felt like a never ending gulf. Crafted painfully and perfectly by his walking away two years ago. Most things never get smaller, they just grow.

"I wanted to give you this." he said, suddenly feeling a little stupid about having called her out here for this. It wasn’t anything special, was it? He thought that Chris must’ve gotten her something special. Something she’d keep with her forever. And no matter how much he told himself not to the sting of jealousy was something not so easily pressed.

But regardless he reached into his pocket and pulled out the wrapped book. He handed it to her and lifted his eyes to her face then. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, about calling her out here, about the gift. He didn’t know what to say, he never did. Words were cracked things. Weren’t they all just cracked things in the lungs and the heart? Things that could never define but they always meant so much. He could never find the right words. Not for anything. Especially not for Selma.

"You told me to surprise you."

[selmawinterarchive]

Even before he pulled out the book she had tears glimmering in her eyes and, really, she wasnt sure why. She wanted to tame the pulsing despair that was in his eyes and she wanted to tell him that no matter what happened the past was theirs and nothing could erase the past no matter how hard time tried to. Everyday she would go on thinking of him even if it was a small moment. Even if it was because of a ripple in a lake, or a closing of a book and the whisper of a page. It was still him.

But then he pulled the book out and she reached out for it and for some reason the cover covered her with surprise. Her fingers delicately touched over the lettering of the cover and in the dark she saw her tear fall like a puddle onto the binding. She took in a breath and felt her heart beat clutch in her chest. Whispered and uncertain as her eyes returned to his. Just a moment before her hand lifted and she wiped at her own tears.

She wanted to say that he always surprised her. Every smile that he offered was a surprise. Every kiss and touch and the small moments of love even if none of them had been openly confessed. There was apart of him that would always have that wave of surprise and hold on him. It wasnt a bad thing, it was real, it was true and she had wanted all of it. For a moment she hated that she couldnt want it anymore but she wasn't that girl anymore.

Instead of saying all of that however she moved towards him and wrapped her arms around him, side of her face nestled against his chest as she breathed him in. "Thank you, Will." she whispered as another slow trail of a tear came down her face. "You didnt have to."

[foxxentric-deactivated20250325]

wħɇn Ⱥŧøms ȼøłłɨđɇ || Highschool AU || Selma & Gia

[foxxentric-deactivated20250325]

     Quickly she fell back to that annoying habit of fiddling with her outfit, not really paying heed to the loaded silence that fell between them; merely mushing her painted lips absentmindedly, as her mind wandered of to possible outcomes of that… party. 

     ”—-What?” She mumbled, one could say quite dumbly, as if in a daze, Selma’s seemingly out of the blue comment pulling her swiftly back to the there and then, and she had to take a moment to let that question sink in before actually p

     ”It’s not like I’ve known you at all to say I like you or not, like… I dunno.” Her voice trailed uncertainly, as she kept mulling over those words. Was there even a solid reason behind her earlier reaction to the fact that they had been paired for that paper? Or was it simply because she eventually needed to step out of her comfort zone and her little trusted group of friends that made her pretty much unreasonable and snippy in the first place? Dismissing her own thoughts with a faint shake of her head, she merely kept quiet, gaze staying on the blonde if only for a moment longer before she retured it ahead, features painted in a baffled expression.

http://harry-potter-sounds.ambient-mixer.com/

[selmawinterarchive]

Selma knew that reputation was to blame for their mutual disdain towards the idea of having to spend any time together. But for some reason Selma would have thought that GIa would at least have an actual reason for her dislike. There didn't seem to be any.

Maybe she didn't dislike her at all?

She walked on for a moment longer, the silence breaking slowly as the sounds from the party up ahead coming towards her. Selma listened and knew that tonight was one for forgetting. The two of them could be friends and Selma could do more than appreciate that- false or not.

So right before they stepped onto the sidewalk that would lead them to the front of the house where the party was Selma faced Gia and held her hand out to her.

"How about a truce for the duration of our project?" She offered. "Just until it's over. At least there won't be much strife in our 'friendship' right?"

[selmawinterarchive]

When We Start to Run- Selma/Gia

[foxxentric-deactivated20250325]

     Her legs, as if on their own accord, mechanically, kept on; falling easily in step with the blonde, eyes fixed ahead, yet not entirely taking in the surroundings, as she let out another unndeeded breath.

     Unavoidably, that same, nagging thought came back around; how much longer could they keep up like this. Putting on a facade of carelessness and mock obliviousness to their state only to have it crumbling down not long after under the weight of the ever unforgiving reality.

     ”This. Again tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. And the day after that. And the next… Like always…” She trailed absentmindedly, her own tone pensive, barely audible. And once more she willed herself to put up that reasurring smile upon meeting Selma’s gaze; even going as far as giving her hand a somewhat reassuring, or so she hoped it came out as, squeeze, before she finally tilted her head, motioning for them to keep going. Because, in the end, that was all there was to do, wasn’t it. Just keep going. 

[selmawinterarchive]

Just keep going.

That's all that they could do. Because to stop the run was to stop the hope that might still exist in the miniscule tone of their hearts and she couldn't abide that. If there ever was a heart existing inside of her chest.  She couldn't let herself slip into a darkness that had been waiting and watching the whole time she was alive. she was meant for the shadows but not for death- at least not yet.

So she did just that. If not for Gia's word or her careful pressing of her hand she would have stayed frozen there in spot. But instead she was alive and walking. The night there to veil the possible vulnerability.

If death was going to take them it should be any minute now. But the time passed and Selma knew they weren't done on these streets just yet. They weren't ready to expire their run. Not as long as they had each other.

Dead ends might be anywhere but as long as they had the other to stand alongside how could they lose sight of anything?

[thecaphatfield-blog]

He poured it for her and then turned to look at her, surprised that she’d even ask. He let out a small chuckle and shook his head. “How long have you been around here?”

[selmawinterarchive]

"Just rolled in on my noble steed." She stated with a bit of a grin as she took a sip of her drink. "Mind filling a girl in?"

[littles-icons-blog]

[selmawinterarchive]

1. What is your name? Selma Winter

1.1 What is your real name? ——-

2. Do you know why you were called that?

I don't

3. Are you single or taken? Single- I guess

4. Have any abilities or powers?

Don't think so, although there are some talents...

5. Stop being a Mary Sue!

Probably HA

6. What’s your eye color? Blue

7. How about your hair color?

Blonde

8. Have you any family members?

I think my mom is still alive

9. Oh? What about pets?

I've always wanted a cat

10. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

Loneliness

11. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing? Singing, talking with friends, shopping, watching movies

12. Ever hurt anyone before?

Hasn't everyone?

13. Ever….killed anyone before?

No

14. What kind of animal are you? I'm not sure at all

15. Name your worst habits

Being too needy I've been told

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Not really

17. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

Straight.

18. Do you go to school?

No.

19. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

I do. It's really all I've wanted

20. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

Dont think so?

21. What are you most afraid of?

Loneliness

22. What do you usually wear?

Dresses

23. Do you love someone?

Sure, sometimes

24. When was the last time you wet yourself?

I'm not sure?

25. Well, it’s not over yet! ok...

26. What class are you?(High class, middle class, low class)

Low class.

27. How many friends do you have?

A few., special ones

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

Pretty good. Cake's better

29. Favourite drink? Lemonade

30. What’s your favourite place?

the beach

31. Are you interested in someone~

Rooney is interesting

32. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

....don't know?

33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

Ocean

34. What’s your type?

Type...of what?

35. Any fetishes? I'm not sure

36. Seme or uke?

Really don't know

37. Camping or indoors? Indoors.

38. Are you wanting the quiz to end?

Uhm no not at all

[tenebrxs-deactivated20150312]

"You’ve met James, you probably know he’s got the biggest crush on you. You could ask him to do anything and he’ll pretty much do it. I’ve made shit loads of requests, all with the promise that I’ll put in a good word for him with you.—- I’m a really shitty brother.” Adam smiled as he flopped onto the couch, skimming through some of the magazines from the coffee table while Selma took a shower and decided on what she wanted to wear. Thankfully she wasn’t one those women who took hours to pick just a pair shoes and was out before Adam could finish on the article on ‘how to attract the man for you’. “—- This writer is bullshit, according this survey, my ideal man would be pensive and strong willed—- nope. I like them dumb and weak—” He paused, giving her a sly once over when she walked out. “Looking sexy as usual doll.”   

[selmawinterarchive]

"I agree." She stated, having answered once she came out again, trying to figure out why his brother would even want a good word in with her. "You're a shitty brother. You're a shitty guy, wanting dumb and weak men." She shook her head at him like she was disappointed, laughing a little at the fact that he was reading one of her magazines. "Maybe you should consider the writer is saying that's who you should find- but of course you never would." casting him a glance she waved him off and headed for the door already. "Yeah, well, want to look my best for the store don't need to be out shined by you anytime soon."

[shadowsuspended-archive-kaput]

♦-selmawinter

♦:Slow dancing selmawinter

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