I'm Still Breathing

||Fionn, 27, a mix of fandom and outlet for my brain||The demons come, they can subside||

[justsomeguycore]

lesbian scifi is so easy. here’s a woman in cargo pants and a tank top on a spaceship. are you with me

[justsomeguycore]

maybe it’s not even cargo pants. maybe it’s coveralls rolled to + tied around the waist. maybe she even has fuckoff boots

[alexandriaellisart]

sun flowers

[cilantrhoes]

[apatheticfluorescence]

some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it

[headspace-hotel]

Shakespeare is like this

[gaynehollander]

Svetlana's "since when did you start smoking again?" is such an overlooked line that implies so much. Because why would Ilya have stopped smoking and suddenly started up again at this point in time? What I'm saying is thank you Jacob Tierney for overtly suggesting that Ilya stopped smoking for Shane, even with them meeting as rarely as they do, and now that Shane's broken it off he's taken it up again because what's the point of quitting if it's not for him?

[shaneposting]

whenever you complain that a celebrity who has not disclosed their sexuality is ‘performing queerness’ for clout or as a marketing tactic or whatever

what you’re saying is ‘you’re only allowed to act faggy if you are willing to come out as queer. if you’re straight, or closeted, or unlabelled, or questioning, or you simply wish to keep that private, you need to start acting in an acceptably heterosexual way right now’

which is not very cool or sexy imo but you do you

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

You were unsuspecting not unwarned

[coolmomdean]

blows my mind that i have little online friends who mildly care about me. it’s really nice

[coolmomdean]

anyway hi little online friends i care about you too 🍄

[darkspaceboytoy]

Incredibly violent take of mine but I actually don’t think you need to relate to a story in any way to enjoy it. You can enjoy a story even if you can’t point at a character and insert some aspect of your personality or identity into them. In fact I would argue the need for a character like that to be present in every single story you experience is a sign of stunted growth.

[slayer-barbie]

TED LASSO (2020)

1x02 | Biscuits

[pandasandshinythings]

My comfort show.

[lonestarflight]

Apollo 17 vs Artemis II

[mementochao]

Despite everything, it's still you.

-------------------------------------------------

Also prev tags:

That's really cool actually

[tanoraqui]

#excuse me but are you telling me that the Apollo pic is made with the help of the SUN and the Artemis one with the help of the MOON??? #that's actually so poetic i want to cry

@gorandomshesaid wait i need to sit with this one. wait.

[shiverandqueeef]

if you aren't best friends with your lover and a little bit in love with all your friends than what's the fucking point

[alaraxia]

I get my media recommendations the old fashioned way: by watching someone I follow on here go on an unhinged reblog spree of media related content until I eventually decide to go "alright, what's all this then"

[escapepodding]

Boring facts (in my head) about parent David Hollander:

New people at work when introduced to him go "oh, like Shane Hollander" and he BEAMS at that and says "Yep!"

Has a picture of Shane on his desk and the same new people think its a joke until an old timer who probably met Shane at a bring your kid to work day clued them in

Would not let Yuna touch the college fund they set up for Shane until he was out of his rookie contract. What if Shane changed his mind about hockey? What if he got injured and needed a good education? Only conceeded when his son was a multi-millionaire

Only time he has ever gone to HR was when someone stole the baby Shane picture off his desk after he got famous. That's his baby!!! Give it back!!! There were so many memos and all staff emails that it did get returned one night, but a picture of it circulated online so now David only has PR photos at work

His lawyer is an old college friend who he catches up with at least once a year and who reviews the Hollander's will and life insurance policy each year with specific instructions to look after Shane. This annual tradition continues to this day. The lawyer buddy is going to be there for that grown celebrity professional sportsman no matter what

Was so excited when Shane started The Cottage project, and helped him with everything, including liaising with the builders etc. Was delighted to have the first a joint project with his son since school (he helped with art/science/show and tell)

Is really bad with technology but the nice young people at the office help (is not fully cognizant of the fact half the office is in love with him but does correctly suspect the other half want to marry his son)

Always knew he wanted to be a dad, and was devastated when it seemed like that wasn't going to happen, but didn't want to put that on Yuna who was already struggling with it

Sent congratulation cards and presents to all his buddies when they had kids anf was genuinely happy for then but it also killed him a bit. Unfortunately the conversation around men struggling because they wanted kids was not happening in the 80s/early 90s so he kept quiet (and passed that trait on to Shane)

Thought Shane was perfect from the moment he was born, and still thinks that. Can't concieve of why Shane thought he could let them down, he's literally always been Yuna and David's perfect baby

Gets out the good vodka again when he tells Ilya this one day and Ilya starts crying

[queenofshenanigans]

Sometimes I think about Shane's "sex condo" and yes it's crazy work that he bought a whole ass apartment building to get railed, but I don't think you have to dive too deep to get a little more nuance out of that. I imagine that at 19, the apartment Shane had in Montreal was, largely, picked out and decorated by his mother. The rental/purchase was probably arranged by the team, as part of his contract, and let's be so for real here: his mom would have picked out a lot of the furnishings because he's a teenage guy with not a lot of strong opinions on that kind of stuff and he just wants to play hockey.

So he's 19, living in a space managed by his mom. She probably has a key and not a lot of boundaries. And there's this hot sexy Russian begging to fuck him. For two years. And nothing really changes in those two years with his mom or his apartment (especially in the show -- show Shane is way more passive and managed by his mom than book Shane is, I think) and he wants to get railed so badly but there's no way he can relax enough for it to happen here. Where his whole team knows he lives, and the doorman knows he never brings anyone back, and his parents walk on with barely a five minute head's up (because Im so sorry, ilu David, but if you're still doing it at the cottage when Shane is 25 when you could just go buy a new charger for why the fuck do you only have one charger anyway that is crazy work, they are definitely doing it when Shane is 19, 20, 21).

So he buys a building. Maybe it's his first truly independent move that his parents have no say or knowledge of. He spends months researching neighborhoods and property values and his Google search is a mix of 'how to flip an apartment rental' and 'mixed commerical and residential zones montreal' and 'how to prepare for anal sex - men' (the last one is done in an incognito browser, on a laptop he bought specifically for that type of search, and from which he then deletes his internet history) and eventually buys a moderately sized building that's zoned commerical on the ground floor and has room for two loft apartments. It's in a decent part of Montreal, where he could get a reasonable rent from people and not feel gross about exploiting them. It needs work, but he's kind of excited about that.

And his parents have no idea about it. It's private, secure, and his.

So yeah, it's not completely furnished by the time Ilya comes over, but he picked everything out himself. And the sheets he picked out feel really great against his back as Ilya fucks him until he cries

[aquilacalvitium]

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

[aquilacalvitium]

Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again

[mapetitefeedeslilas]

Shane who, before him and Ilya get outed, keeps hearing people, fellow players, his own friends, talk shit about the man he loves and it pains him, so one night he googles "Ilya Rozanov nice person" and ends up in a subreddit where people share stories of celebrities that are surprisingly nice people and the page dedicated if Ilya is full of wholesome stories

hospital personnel from where he used or still visited the paediatric department with the team, parents of patients, even former patients themselves seeing how great, attentive, funny and light-hearted he was

puck bunnies or women he had one night stands with during the years playing for Boston saying he was a phenomenal lover and a consent king, or women that approached him whilst inebriated and whom he gently turned down, bought a bottle of water for and paid for their cabs to get back home safely

neighbours saying he was very polite, people he was nice or helpful to through the years, a mom with a screaming child whose first class seat on a flight to Moscow he gave up so she could have more room for her herself and the baby, a classmate he defended in school, a former teacher saying how smart and talented he was in spite of not having much time to study because he was training a lot, Russian-speakers saying his interviews in his mother tongue are a thing of beauty and incredibly well-spoken, waiters and shop assistants stressing how polite his interactions were

Shane devours these stories with tears in his eyes and a heart about to explode, the tab perpetually open in his phone, incognito mode.

And when someone talks shit about Ilya or when, after their outing, hate starts to be thrown at him even more viciously from the media, he goes back to the tab, just to see that there actually many that agree with him: Ilya, the love of his life, is the most wonderful person