Author’s Note: Buckle up, kids, this is going to be a different kind of blog post. We’re digging into astrology and numerology today, and if that isn’t your cup of tea, please feel free to read some of my other posts. Also, this is a super long one today, but there are plenty of pictures. ごめんあさい、どうもありがとう。I’m finally learning Japanese this year!
I have always had a strange kind of belief system.
While I am a Christian, my theological beliefs sometimes border on buddhism, pantheism, mysticism, Hermeticism. And I believe that God is in everything around us, the sky, the trees, the ground, and everything in between.
I also believe that there are certain practices that can bring us closer to God without all the pomp and circumstance of a regular church service. There are definitely days where a spoken message hits me in such a way that I feel the overwhelming presence of God. But more often than not, I feel closest to Him when I’m in a garden, the warm sun peaking through a dense canopy of tree leaves and branches, peacefully listening to all the wondrous sounds nature produces. The calm that engulfs me completely, a lightness in my chest and hope for brighter days to come, despite where I might be at that moment.
I feel like that’s when my faith is strongest and I’m most open to His Will.
You could say that I’m a bit of a flower child. Words are powerful, but I am a visual/tactile person. Surrounded by visual stimulus, the ability to interact with what’s around me, that speaks to my heart. On a deep level. In a way that makes me certain about my next move, and I have complete faith in what’s coming and what God has for me to do. I find that when I’m not grounded in that place, at least in my mind, I tend to flip flop and become indecisive and unsure. Constantly worrying about every outcome.
I mentioned that I am a mystic and Hermetic. This means I’m all for astrology. You might be reading this and rolling your eyes, saying, “Oh no, not one of those people!”
I don’t rely solely on astrology, or put my entire faith in tarot cards and rune stones. I do it mostly for fun. Occasionally to enlighten myself about things I didn’t see before as truths concerning who I am. Here’s one major example:
I’m a Libra. A proud Libra.
I’ve noticed we get a bad rap because of the more selfish of our sign who make everyone miserable with their cold, standoffish ways. I admit that we can come off a bit indifferent or apathetic. And in the pursuit of justice and what’s right and fair, it can seem like we are a bit harsh. But DEEP down, we care very much about people, so much so that we don’t want to inflict any unfairness on anyone. We are always weighing our options and don’t want to make a decision too hastily. This can sometimes make us a wee bit indecisive.
Which is why it’s such a big deal that I’m rooted in my faith and sure of my future when I’m in that “happy garden place.” For me not to question where I’m going, that’s huge. And wonderful. It’s exhausting always trying to know which is the right path to take.
When I can find the calm of that place, it frees my mind so that I can hear God speak.
Here’s another example of me playing around with mysticism. This time using numerology (Numerology is any belief in the divine, mystical relationship between a number and one or more coinciding events):
In numerology based off of my birthday, I am associated with Life Path number 1. Based off my name I am associated with the number of 8. This is what the website “Scientific Psychic” says about my numerology numbers.
“The Life Path 1 suggests that you entered this plane with skills allowing you to become a leader type rather easily. Your nature is charged with individualistic desires, a demand for independence, and the need for personal attainment.”
“Number Eight People like to set their own hours and will not tolerate too much discipline. They are also very offended if they are criticized. They cannot work well under pressure and must be allowed to do things at their own speed.”
This was news to me, at the time I read it. I wasn’t sure what it was talking about. I’ve mentioned my strong relationship with my parents, and how much I enjoyed school for the learning aspect. I couldn’t fathom what it was saying about a need for independence, in fact, I was perfectly happy depending on others. I chalked it up to “generalized descriptions meant to appease the masses.“
Eight years later, and I’m sitting here imagining hitting the road, driving in a gypsy caravan, tied down to no one and nothing. A debt free life of adventure and change and INDEPENDENCE. The freedom to choose where I work, how I work, what I do, and when I do it. With my eyes closed, I can see my RV. I can see the open road, the glorious country side. And, just like when I think of my happy garden place, I feel content. In my heart, I know this is what I want. In addition to this dream.
Independence. Freedom to choose my life. And the ability to run as far and wide as I desire. A close relationship to God. No worries, bills, constraints on my time. A fresh, organic life of motion and action. No desks and phones and reports. Making the things I love, selling what I can. Living simply.
That sounds like one great life to me. But some people would look at me like I’m crazy if they knew I was secretly looking at RVs for sale online, or pricing out how much I have left to pay on my little student loan debt. They would say that I was losing my mind, to choose the road over a large house, husband and kids, good paying job that works me from 6 AM to 6 PM. Picket fence, little beagle for the kids to play with. Sub-compact car.
After years of fretting, fearing that I was broken because I didn’t want that future, I accepted that “The American Dream” doesn’t have to be my dream. All I’ve ever wanted, even as a child, was to be happy. In fact, that was routinely my answer for the “What do you want to be when you grow up” question.
And if that means living the life of a Hermetic, Mystic, Pantheistic, Buddhist, Christian Traveling Crafter, then so be it.
I guess, I wrote all of this to say… We’re all different. Too many times, I find myself and others looking at various success stories from other people’s lives and wondering how to get the same result.
“She has a loving, godly husband and she went to this church to get him. I need to go there.”
“Her kids are smart, well mannered, and don’t eat sugar. I want to raise my kids just like her.”
“His small business is thriving, and he has a nice house and cars. I need to follow his business model exactly.”
We analyze each thread of their clothing, trying to emulate it to get the life they have, because that’s what we think we want. And that’s how we think we will get it. But if we are honest with ourselves, we should know better than to aspire to someone else’s life. We will just burn ourselves out and become disappointed. Or worse, disillusioned.
Life isn’t a one size fits all kind of deal.
Just because I want a life a independence with little responsibility, doesn’t mean that you should. And just because I find myself closest to God among nature and the sky, doesn’t mean that you should forsake your congregation to run barefoot in the fields with me. It’s so important, in your physical life and your spiritual life, that you find what speaks to your heart.
The Heart Chakra from 3ho.org
I am a woman, African American, 24, creative and artistic, investigative and analytical, family oriented, flighty, a Libra, a year of the Goat kid, a ‘1’, a ‘8’, a Christian, a Buddhist, a Pantheist, a Mystic, a Hermetic, a daydreamer, a writer, a sister, a couch potato, a yogi.
All of these things make up ‘me’ and what I want. There is no one exactly like me.
There isn’t a mold made for another person will fit me perfectly. It may come close, but it won’t be perfect. This is something I know. Following a recipe made by others will only get you so far. Only by taking that recipe and making it your own, to satisfy your tastes, will you truly find what you need. And, at the end of the day, whatever brings you closest to God (so long as it doesn’t cause harm to others) is all that matters.
Whatever speaks to your heart, is all that matters.
I think we all deserve a life of happiness and love. But that might just be the hippie in me talking.
The RV dream actually came to me as a suggestion from my parents who are thinking of doing the same when they retire. I’m still family oriented, ;D, we are all just going to be on the road together. And just for a reference, here’s mysticism. You can learn more about Hermeticism on the new page in the menu!
Hopes and Dreams – Speaking to My Heart Author's Note: Buckle up, kids, this is going to be a different kind of blog post. We're digging into astrology and numerology today, and if that isn't your cup of tea, please feel free to read some of my other posts.
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