serena smythe, MD

Facial Plastic Surgeon || TriBeCa

[serenasmythemd]

Text || Wolfpack

[...]

PUCK: isn't ellen's wife's name portia

PUCK: i mean i guess just don't tell people

PUCK: i am pretty good at giving people gaypiphanies

PUCK: kinda my gift

[...]

PUCK: idk since a couple days ago

PUCK: i'll move it when i get a new place don't worry it's not gonna stay there forever

PUCK: sheesh

SERENA: I refuse to believe Ellen and Portia experience bed death. Now Ellen and Anne on the other hand...

SERENA: I’ll refrain from posting about it on IG...with great restraint. ;)

SERENA: Precisely why you’re the perfect hot cop for the job.

[a long pause.]

SERENA: I’m not following. You’re not living in your car are you?

[another pause]

SERENA: Why not just stay here with me and Sugar til you find somewhere? I promise she won’t try to vagazzle you.

[serenasmythemd]

i don’t know, it’s the whole frat boy side that’s surprising me. fast cars, football, what’s next, throwing a kegger and raiding a sorority? i guess i’ve been expecting sugar but with a scalpel this whole time.

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Have we met?  Hi, hello, I’m Dr. Serena Faustine Smythe.

[serenasmythemd]

You’re caring about the wrong football :(

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How does the saying go?  Love the players, hate the game.  Soccer is boring as shit.

[thcbeasknees]

I won’t say when, because I don’t want to ruin the surprise (spoiler: it will be epic and flawless), but at some point tonight you may see one of your favourite couples perform a certain lift made popular by Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze. I know, I know – very exciting, please stay tuned! 

Okay, so I should specify that it will not happen until after 11 because I’ve got to make it from the theatre to Acup but that still leaves a large-ish window for surprise so it’ll totally be worth the wait! Also, go Pamelas! 

[serenasmythemd]

[serenasmythemd]

Why do we hate Philadelphia?

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The fact that you’re asking me--a Giants fan--such an asinine question tells me you don’t watch football.

[serenasmythemd]

TEXT ✉️ SERENA

TINA: ...I'll schedule an appointment at least for a consult or something. Thanks, Serena.

SERENA: You're welcome.

SERENA: Do it before the end of the month to get your free latte coffee or wtv. Idk, the other partners are weirdly proud of this promo and want to see it work.

[serenasmythemd]

Text || Wolfpack

PUCK: sharing ur closet is kinda hot

PUCK: we can pretend we're married and going through lesbian bed death

PUCK: i mean go ahead tbh as long as i have a clean shirt + suit in time for work idc what you get up to with them while i'm out

PUCK: you know who i'm pretty sure wants to lick me tho?

PUCK: buffy

[ a pause as she considers how to word it to give the least potential for turning it into a whole thing ]

PUCK: nah just moving

PUCK: car's fine for keeping most shit but work stuff needs to look good, u know?

SERENA: I am completely here for that. I'll be Ellen and you can be Anne.

SERENA: Can I use the handcuffs too? This is crucial.

SERENA: I highly encourage you to give Buff a life experience. She's due for one.

SERENA: You're moving? Since when?

SERENA: If you're moving...why not just move your shit to your new place?

[a thoughtful pause]

SERENA: Well, unless it's a shoebox, then I can understand.

[serenasmythemd]

TEXTS || LOLENA

LOLA: (: good

LOLA: tell me about it!

LOLA: ps, you have to dress for the occasion.

SERENA: 😏

SERENA: Does that mean I get to channel my inner Al Capone?

[a pause]

SERENA: And by the way, I had an interesting tête-à-tête with Miss Regina Clifton the other day.

[serenasmythemd]

Text || Wolfpack

PUCK: just like 5 shirts and 3 suits

PUCK: what is she gonna lick my shit or something?

[...]

PUCK: hold up is she gonna bedazzle my shit?

PUCK: bc i'd rather she lick it

SERENA: That’s all? Then you can store them in my closet.

[quickly]

SERENA: And I promise that I will refrain from wearing them in some sort of role play scenario. Tempting as that is.

SERENA: Sugar would probably be tempted to put some sort of stylistic flair on your uniform and turn it into an IG story.

SERENA: But I’m sure you could convince her to lick it if that’s your thing.

[a pause]

SERENA: Why do you need to store stuff here? Water heater leaking or something?

[serenasmythemd]

It’s about damn time if you ask me.

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Right??  Also, I don’t consider myself a particularly emotional person but good lord did seeing Eli Manning’s proud dad look get me right here.

[serenasmythemd]

i never took you for a sports ball fan.

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Oh yeah?  Why’s that?   Singing in an all-female acapella group with Broadway nerds and enjoying football aren’t mutually exclusive.

Though I’ll concede: the Giants haven’t given me much of anything worth celebrating in about...oh, 8 seasons.

[serenasmythemd]

While I only have a general understanding of American Football, I do enjoy seeing you so invested and happy.

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Gross, just call it Football.

[serenasmythemd]

TEXT ✉️ SERENA

TINA: There's a stigma around people with monolids. So the eyelid just goes right to the eyebrow. People tend to think that double lidded eyes are prettier. Some go to the lengths of getting tape to create a lid appearance. It's called East Asian blepharoplasty.

[a while later]

SERENA: Listen. Blepharoplasty is my specialty, and if that's what you want, and you've got the $$$ for it, I will give you the best damn blepharoplasty you will ever receive.

SERENA: I deliver the service that has been asked of me. I won't argue the social implications of it. If it's what you want, and doesn't put you in mortal danger if I perform the surgery, then that's what I'll do.

[serenasmythemd]

TEXTS || BEARENA

BEA: Okay, first of all she's a golden retriever, get it right.

BEA: Secondly, it so doesn't.

BEA: She's great at innuendo.

SERENA: Are you sure? I think Golden Doodle is more fitting.

SERENA: Nope, nope, nope, nope not going down this conversational rabbit hole with you rn, Beatrice.

[serenasmythemd]

TEXT: hey. can i leave some work crap at your place for a couple days. i don't have to stay there just need a place for my shit so i won't look like a hobo with wrinkled shirts.

[ X ]

[serenasmythemd]

Text || Wolfpack

PUCK: hey. can i leave some work crap at your place for a couple days. i don't have to stay there just need a place for my shit so i won't look like a hobo with wrinkled shirts.

[Serena eyes the text.]

SERENA: Sure. May I ask what's the quantity of said crap? Like, are we talking a closet worth or a bedroom?

[quickly]

SERENA: So I know which closet to ensure is Sugar-Proofed, that is.

[serenasmythemd]

My face when the Eagles and the Giants have the same record: 

:)

Fuck you, Philadelphia!