Foreword: Hello and welcome to my little writing blog. Here you'll find some info about me as well as what I write. I hope you can find something you enjoy here and that our paths will continue to cross
Name: Just call me Iris the darling is just an honorific
Age: 22 with no plans to die any time soon
What I write: As of right now, I'm solely doing fanfic with lofty ideas of writing an original story some day. The fandoms I currently write for are Fantastic Four and Alpha Flight but that is always subject to change because I do what I want
Ao3: The_Church_of_Lestat (It's tradition to name my Ao3 account after fandoms I don't write for)
Style and genre: I find myself drawn to romance and more thriller/horror stories when it comes to writing. I also tend to use a more character centered narration style if that makes any sense at all
Favorite novels?: Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan
Favorite comics?: If you couldn't guess, I have a soft spot for the fantastic four and alpha flight
Favorite movies?: The Witch by Robert Eggers and House by Nobuhiko Obayashi
Favorite shows?: The Righteous Gemstones and True Blood
Favorite musicians?: Colter Wall and Adrianne Lenker
Drinks of choice?: Diet pepsi, Vietnamese coffee and a French 75
Go to meals?: Alfredo pasta with chicken apple sausage and ham and swiss on a sourdough baguette (If you can't already tell, I'm autistic as shit)
Anything else you want to know? Feel free to send me an ask or comment on this post! I promise I don't bite even if you ask me to
"All I had to do was walk into the station. I had to settle everything before I could jump into action. Before we could rush over to the cannery and save Marrina. I had to push down the thought that was saying it was already too late. That she was already dead and I wasted too much time.
No, I couldn’t be talking like that. It wasn’t too late. There was still time. Maybe not much but all wasn’t lost. It couldn’t be lost. That wouldn’t make sense. It wouldn’t be right to be so close and still be too late."
Before she tries to save Marrina, Heather tries to reason with Madison one last time
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
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I knew the drive to the station was short. Not even a mile from the gas station and yet it felt like the longest ride of my life. There was no trying to calm down. I couldn’t try to rationalize everything, try to find some other explanation. There was no other explanation.
The same song was still playing. Seemingly mocking me and the anger that was quickly beating out every other emotion battling for the chance to be expressed. I couldn’t break down sobbing. I couldn’t freeze in fear. No, the rage that was boiling up in my gut was the only thing that made sense right now.
How many more girls would need to die before Madison does something about it? How many funerals? How many destroyed families? How many people needed to be scared of their neighbors? How many visits to the coroner? How many more encounters with the Vancouver assholes? At what point does this end?
I knew he was an asshole. I knew that he wasn’t the best person for this job. I couldn’t count on both my hands the days I went home mumbling about something he did. But this was something else entirely. This wasn’t incompetence, this wasn’t a mistake. No matter what spin he’d try to put on it, this was deliberate.
The disco beats coming out of Wanda’s speakers were starting to piss me off. Agitating me further and further. Maybe it was for the better. The angrier I was, the less chance I had to go back on this. I wasn’t going to be convinced I was crazy.
“You doing okay?” She asked as we turned into the station.
“I think you already know the answer to that,” I let out a sigh. I wasn’t okay. I wouldn’t be until this whole thing was over.
“I know, but…” She paused for a moment. Parking the car and thinking about what to say. “I don’t know what we’re stepping into and the last thing we need is to waste time, right?”
“No, I have to do this,” I shook my head. “I have to talk to him. I have to report this. We can’t just rush into what could be a bloodbath with no one else knowing.”
“Okay,” she took a deep breath as she turned off the car. I could tell she was scared. Hell, so was I. But I knew a lot more about this than she did.
“You don’t have to go in with me,” I offered. “God knows, it’s a stressful situation and I don’t expect you to–”
“I’m not letting you do this alone,” she promised, grabbing my hand. “However hard this is on me, I know it’s a thousand times harder for you. No matter what, I’m right here with you.”
“I just have to chew him out a bit,” I shrugged as I opened the door.
“That sounds like an understatement,” she let out a short laugh before following me. “I feel like ‘chewing out a bit’ is reserved for when someone makes an annoying mistake, not when they let a serial killer run rampant.”
“Probably would be more productive than just yelling at him,” I needed to take a deep breath. There was no way that this conversation wouldn’t be a disaster but maybe I could prevent it from being a complete catastrophe.
All I had to do was walk into the station. I had to settle everything before I could jump into action. Before we could rush over to the cannery and save Marrina. I had to push down the thought that was saying it was already too late. That she was already dead and I wasted too much time.
No, I couldn’t be talking like that. It wasn’t too late. There was still time. Maybe not much but all wasn’t lost. It couldn’t be lost. That wouldn’t make sense. It wouldn’t be right to be so close and still be too late.
“Heather,” the secretary called out from behind the desk, “I didn’t think you were working today.”
“Emergency,” I shrugged. “Is Madison in?”
“Yeah, he got here a few minutes ago,” she answered.
“And he’s just in his office?” She nodded but I could tell she was confused. About why I was here when everyone seemed so dedicated to me taking a day off. About who the person standing with me was. About why I seemed pissed as hell. “Great, thank you.”
“Of course…” she trailed off, turning to the computer as I turned to walk down the hall.
“Should I just wait out here?” Wanda asked, gesturing to the lobby.
“I’m not sure I won’t strangle him if there aren’t witnesses,” I beckoned her on as I made my way closer and closer to that door at the end of the hall. Trying my best to keep my emotions in check. If I came in swinging then I’d look like the bad guy.
“Yeah, of course,” she nodded, picking up her pace to catch up to my fast one. Not my fault that I was on a mission. Not that she was complaining, I’m sure she understood the time crunch we were on perfectly.
His door was closed. It would be polite to knock. Something I would normally do. I didn’t give a shit about niceties anymore.
“Heather, what the hell are you doing here?” He didn’t look up from the computer as I opened the door.
“We need to talk,” I said as Wanda walked in and shut the door behind her.
“And it couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?” He raised his eyebrow as he glanced up at us. “Who’s this?”
“‘It’s just such a shame, Madison. You’ve been lying to everyone this whole time. They have no idea who you actually are,’” I started to read the letters off my phone, “‘Do you have any idea that the person you trust so much is leading this town to ruin, Heather? How many more will go missing before he admits what he’s done?’”
I looked him straight in the eye as I saw his face drop.
“‘After all this time it should be clear now. So tell me, Madison, what happened to Roger Bochs?’ Do I need to go on?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he shook his head and tried to dismiss me.
“Maybe I would if you didn’t withhold crucial evidence for a full fucking month to cover your own ass,” I argued. “And don’t try to deny it either, I know you’ve been interfering with the investigation and you’d be fucking lucky if I don’t go straight to the news.”
“To cover my own ass?” He laughed. “Please tell me you don’t believe those letters.”
“I don’t give a shit if he’s being completely truthful,” he shrugged, putting my phone back into my pocket, “because I know for a fact that I can’t trust you anymore.”
“Do you think I’m in on this shit or something?” He asked, getting off his chair. “I didn’t divulge every single aspect of my life and suddenly I’m as bad as a murderer?”
“Well tell me, Madison,” I crossed my arms, “what was your reasoning? What could possibly justify you standing by and letting him kill those girls? And for what? Revenge?”
“He’s insane, Heather!” He screamed out which made Wanda instinctively step forward from the wall. “My brother’s an insane psychopathic serial killer, there. Is that enough for you?”
“I don’t give a shit about your family drama,” I defended myself. “What I can’t understand is why you’d try to hide this? Hell, if we knew when you did, Rose would still be alive. Another girl was taken last night, and none of this needed to happen if you were just fucking honest from the start instead of trying to solve this yourself.”
“If there was another disappearance, I would’ve known about it before you did.”
“Marrina Smallwood was taken from the gas station around midnight last night,” I explained, reaching into my pocket.”Your brother was there last night. He slid this letter under the door of Wanda’s apartment.”
“And I’m assuming the parents called you directly?” He raised his eyebrow at me. Snatching the paper out of my hand as if I was lying. As if anything I said so far could be denied.
“She hasn’t been living with her parents since the 16th,” I crossed my arms. “Every sign is pointing to a kidnapping.”
“Okay so she isn’t living with her parents, which you somehow know,” he sighed, “and I’m sure you have some irrefutable evidence to bring this up in the first place.”
“My ‘irrefutable evidence’ is that she’s been staying with me for the past few days,” I was getting tired of all of this. Being dismissed even when I come in with proof. Wasting time that could be used to save her. “She didn’t come home this morning and her manager said the store was abandoned when he came in.”
“I don’t know if you realize this is all circumstantial evidence,” he shook his head as the phone began to blare on his desk. “None of this is enough to file a report.”
“Oh, I ain’t filing a damn report,” I laughed slamming her crushed phone down on the desk. I had to raise my voice to be heard over the other ones ringing. “I’m telling you what’s happening and if I have to storm that fucking cannery myself then I’ll fucking do it.”
“No you aren’t,” he turned off the phone and took a deep breath. “Not only is that stupid but it's also illegal. You aren’t a deputy, you’re not even clocked in. If you ran in like a fucking mad man, you’d be arrested for vigilantism if you weren’t killed.”
“Well, if that’s the case,” I turned on my heel and headed to the door. Nothing was going to stop me. Not any threats, not any dismissal. I knew what was at stake and nothing was going to convince me that I was overreacting.
“Heather, stop!” He yelled after me as I swung the door open. “I swear if you–”
“Sheriff Jefferies,” the secretary was standing right in front of the door, blocking our path. “There’s another missing person.”
“Yes, I’m fully aware,” he groaned as we shimmied past us.
“Jeanne-Marie Beaubier didn’t come home last night,” she explained, which made me stop in my tracks. “Her brother just came in. I was trying to call you but it must’ve not gone through.”
“So that’s two missing people in one night?” I crossed my arms and stared back at him. “Luckily we already know when they were taken, where the killer operates, and who he is, right?”
“Heather, this is completely idiotic, you are–”
“If you’re not going to send anyone down the cannery then I don’t want to fucking here it!” I yelled, running down to the front desk. “I’m done waiting. Two people are in immediate danger, and you want to just sit on your ass. You might be perfectly fucking fine with blood on your hands but I ain’t.”
He still screamed something out after me but I didn’t care. I gave him enough indication that I wasn’t listening anymore. If he wanted to stop me, he’d have to tackle me to the ground and keep me there. A pretty hard task in general, I wasn’t an easy bitch to keep down. The fact Wanda was right behind me only made it harder.
There wasn’t anyone who had a chance in hell of stopping me as I got behind the secretary desk. Just a simple precaution. If clocking in was going to cover my ass then I’d do it in a heart beat.
“It’s only a few minutes to the cannery,” I said. “Lucky we live a such a tiny fucking town.”
“And you’re sure they’re there?” Wanda asked as I rushed out towards the front of the station. There was no time to waste.
“Nowhere else they could be,” I shook my head, practically sprinting out to the car the second I opened the door. There wasn’t any other option. I had to be right. There had to be enough time. It couldn’t be too late. I’d never be able to deal with myself if it was too late.
Sue was ready for her date with Reed. Well, she would be if it wasn't for that one thing. Luckily, she knew exactly who to turn to.
Tags: Emotional angst, kissing lessons, best friends, internalized homophobia, comphet, college au, first kiss
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Sue has been planning this ever since she laid eyes on him. Hell, she’s been planning this since she first heard about him. And all of her carefully crafted words and strategic glances finally paid off.
A date. A nice date with Reed Richards. A nice romantic date with the man she had been chasing for six months at this point. She couldn’t be more excited. She couldn’t be more nervous.
It’s not that she wasn’t confident that she could pull this off. The sheer number of men who had asked her out since elementary school proved she was a catch. Any man would be lucky to have her. But Reed wasn’t any man. She knew she couldn’t coast on her looks alone.
Of course she knew he appreciated them. Her blonde waves and her big blue eyes. Men were easy. A soft sheen of lip gloss and a pout and he was already in the palm of her hand. She hooked him almost instantly but she still had to reel him in.
She didn’t have trouble with that either. She might not be as smart as he was, not that anyone would hold that against her, but she could hold her own. She had always been a smart kid. Naturally, she evolved into a smart adult. She also knew for a fact that he valued intelligence. She knew a lot more about him than she ought to.
Okay, so this wasn’t the most organic turn of events. She might have stacked the cards or put her finger on the scale, but who hasn’t? Who wouldn’t do some preliminary research? Who wouldn’t do some scouting to figure out what he likes? Who wouldn’t take note of his schedule and just so casually cross paths with him? She wasn’t being creepy, she was just dedicated.
Strategic was the way she liked to describe it. That’s how she approached dating in general. As many men who had tried, she never had a boyfriend. None of the potential suitors were worth the salt. Sure, they might have been handsome. Athletic. Some might have been smart. Others might have equally enticing qualities but that didn’t mean she was going to throw herself at them.
A good partner didn’t just need to be attractive. Attraction was fleeting. A good partner needed to have something to offer her beyond dates every now and then. She needed someone who’d support her. Who’d support her dreams and ambitions. Who would value her intelligence and talent, not just her looks.
Reed was the only man she found that checked all her boxes. Therefore, he was the only man worth going after. If she couldn’t have him then she’d just be a spinster. But that wasn’t an option.
If she wanted to get anywhere in life, she needed someone. If she didn’t have someone, then how would she ever manage to get that archaeology degree? She wanted a nice house. A big family. That idyllic life you’d see in a Norman Rockwell painting. She couldn’t have any of that if she didn’t have him.
Which led to the real problem. She could hook him on her looks, she could reel him in with her intelligence, but she didn’t have a single clue how to keep her grip on his gills. Maybe her pickiness did have a downside after all. Twenty two years old and she never so much as kissed a guy. And now she was thinking about forever. How was she going to plan everything out if she didn’t even know if she could satisfy him?
A hot girl who’s a bad lay. She couldn’t think about anything more embarrassing. But maybe that was his thing? A pure, untouched, delicate flower of a– No, that made her barf just thinking of it. He wasn’t a creep, she knew that much.
But it wasn’t like she had a time machine handy. She couldn’t reverse the clock and gain all the experience she needed to be sure. Plenty of girls had already been through this. It was just her.
She knew what her reputation was around school. A prude. A frigid bitch. A perpetual virgin. She didn’t care. She’d rather have those boys debate whether or not she belonged to some abstinence cult than have their disgusting tongues down her throat. None of it mattered, until it did. Experience was overrated, until it wasn’t.
And now, mere hours from this date she worked so hard to secure, she was out of time. What if he leaned over to kiss her and she just froze up? What if it wasn’t at all what she imagined it would be? She would’ve put in all this effort just for it to mean nothing.
It wasn’t just a date, it was the gateway to her future. It was a surefire way to secure everything she needed to succeed. She couldn’t risk it. Even if she couldn’t go and make out with any boy on the street right now, that didn’t mean she didn’t have a plan. She was resourceful after all. Smart women like her always have multiple solutions.
And after weighing the solutions, she found herself walking to Jen’s place. Jen would know what to do. She had experience with this, after all. It seemed like every single week she was talking about some new man. Not that Sue was judging her, to each their own. But maybe all those men taught her a thing or two. Maybe she could pass on that knowledge so she didn’t embarrass herself tonight.
It wasn’t very far to walk, thank god. When Sue moved out of the city with her aunt, she just accepted that she’d have to drive a full hour if she wanted to see her friend again. But then college happened and Jen decided to find a place closer to campus, which just so happened to be in the neighborhood.
Some friend of her cousin was lending her a room on top of the garage. Wanda, if she remembered correctly. From what Jen said, she seemed nice enough. She was letting her live there for pretty cheap, after all. But Sue didn’t know, she didn’t stay there very often.
A part of her did feel ridiculous as she made her way down the sidewalk. Surely, she should be embarrassed that she ever thought about it. All this talk and when the time came she had to run to her friend for advice. She’d probably point that out. Tease her and all that crap. Sue had to swallow any sense of pride. This date mattered more than any of that.
Walking up, she saw Jen in the garage. The door was wide open, giving the entire street a view of her workout. Sue couldn’t understand it. How she always put herself out there without a care in the world. Not that she was judging her. If anything, she found it quite admirable.
“Hey, Suzie,” she called out over the pop music that was blaring on the radio. “I thought you had your hot date tonight.”
“I do,” she confirmed as Jen set down the barbell on the concrete floor. “I just–”
“You’re doing something before an event and the world isn’t imploding?” She quickly looked past her into the street. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Ha ha,” Sue rolled her eyes as she laughed at her. “No, I actually needed to ask you about something…”
“Okay,” she motioned her to go on.
“Well, you know how important my date with Reed is,” she started, noting the brunette’s annoyed expression at the mention of his name.
“Gee, I don’t know, it’s just the only thing you’ve talked about for the past week,” she sighed.
“Because, it’s important, Jen,” she repeated herself. “This one night could determine my entire future and I’m not going to take any chances.”
“Sue, I know this is like your first date ever,” she couldn’t help but laugh, “but, it’s not going to change your fucking life. I’d be shocked if it’s the most important thing you do this month.”
“Maybe not to you, but it is to me.” Sue defended herself. “I don’t want to mess this up. I need this and I’m afraid that if I do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing, that I’ll–”
“And what exactly am I supposed to help you with?” She walked over to get a drink of water. “You know him a hell of a lot better than I do. Do you think I just have the cheat codes?”
“I’m not asking for talking points,” she took a deep breath and explained. “I know how to talk to him, I wouldn’t have gotten this far without it but, you know, what comes after…”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’ve not so much as held hands with a guy.” The way that Jen raised her eyebrow at her made her second guess what she was about to say. “How am I supposed to know what to do? What if he leans in and I just freeze up?”
“What, are you asking for kissing lessons or something?” She joked, before getting a good look at her face and realizing she was being 100% serious. “Sue…”
“If you have any other idea, I’d gladly take it,” she crossed her arms as Jen started to laugh at her.
“I’m sorry, are we eleven?” She was trying and failing to catch her breath and calm down. “You cannot be serious right now.”
“Well, I’m sorry that I wasn’t going around making out with every boy who looked my way in high school to prepare for the one that matters,” Sue huffed. “I just don’t want to mess this up.”
“Okay, pause,” Jen took a few deep breaths with her hands on her knees. “Do you think he’s just going to dump you if you’re not a good kisser or something?”
“I’d feel a hell of a lot better if he didn’t have any reason to dump me.” She shrugged, trying not to let her eyes wander away from her friend's face. “I need to be perfect, I need this to go perfectly.”
“Do you even like him, Sue?” The question made her pause for a second.
“Of course, I like him,” despite how confident she tried to sound, she knew Jen could hear a waver in her voice. “I mean, how long have I been talking about him? You know how much I wanted this, Jen.”
“Then why are you talking about this like it’s a job interview and not a date?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she shook her head. “It’s a date. I’m treating it like a date.”
“No you aren’t,” Jen sighed, “you’re acting like your entire future rests on if a guy likes you or not. You never even cared about guys before, why is Reed such a big fucking deal?”
“Because,” she gestured out as heat began to rise in her cheeks. “You know, he’s intelligent. He’s dedicated and he has his head on his shoulders. He can support me, he can give me the life I want, he–”
“And would you still go on a date with him if he couldn’t?”
“Would I still date him if he didn’t have his attractive qualities?” She scoffed at her question. “Why does this matter? Why do you care about why I like him?”
“Because to me it sounds like you don’t like him, you like some picture of a future you imagine him bankrolling,” Jen tried to explain. “I just don’t see how–”
“What? So you’re calling me a golddigger?” Sue could feel herself getting mad with each passing rebuttal.
“I’m telling you to actually think about it,” she groaned. “You’ve never thought about guys before. You’ve never so much as mentioned one before Reed came along. Is he a soulmate or are you just trying to convince yourself he’s the one? Are you picky or do you just not like men?”
And that’s the question she’d been dreading. The question that has been in the back of her mind ever since middle school. No. That question didn’t matter anymore. It was answered six months ago. There wasn’t any need to ask it anymore.
“I am not a lesbian, Jen!” She practically screamed out which made her friend step back. “And I don’t care what you think about my motivations. I like him. I like him so much that I went to you because I don’t want to screw this up. Isn’t that enough to prove it?”
“Okay, have you even considered it, Sue?” she asked as if those thoughts didn’t come up so many nights when she couldn’t go to sleep. As if she didn’t know what all those boys at school really said about her. As if she didn’t remember when that one cheerleader spread that rumor in middle school. “Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe you only went after him because you think you’re supposed to?”
“What does that even mean?” She shook her head. “Just because I’m not like you, doesn’t make me lesbian, okay? I do like him, why do I have to prove it to anyone?”
“Okay, take everything about him away,” Jen tried to backtrack as the blonde girl was very clearly starting to lose it, “and just imagine having sex with him. Would you enjoy it?”
“Because everything’s about sex,” she rolled her eyes. “How would I know? I’ve never had sex before.”
“Well, I’m not going to help you with that part,” she shrugged. “I’m not trying to attack you, Sue. I just think that you’re trying to convince yourself that you like him.”
“The only person who needs convincing is you,” she knew what she felt. She knew that she liked Reed. She knew how her heart skipped a beat every time she thought about him. And she was tired of Jen acting like none of that mattered. “Why can’t you just believe me?”
“Because I know you,” she argued, stepping closer to her friend. “I know what you sound like when you’re confident. I know how you act when you’re sure of something and this isn’t it. If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you liked him, you wouldn’t be coming to me for advice because you’d know what to do.”
“Is it such a crime to ask for advice?!” Sue didn’t come here to be questioned. In fact, she was starting to wonder why she came here at all. “If I knew that all you’d do was argue with me and call me a lesbian because I don’t know as much as you, I would’ve just stuck with a poster.”
“You want my advice?” Jen asked directly, staring down at her.
“That’s the only reason I came here,” she huffed as her friend put her hands on her shoulders. “I know you think that I’m ridiculous or something, but–”
She didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence before Jen leaned down. Promptly cutting her off as her lips pressed against hers. Not a soft peck either. The type of kiss that she only thought existed in the movies. Passion and fervor and sparks and Sue couldn’t help but melt into her.
Was this what she’d been missing this whole time? Was this what was awaiting her if she ever said yes to a boy? Did it always feel like this? Was she worried about nothing? Or was everyone right about her?
As much as she told herself it meant nothing when she was walking to her place, now that she was here, with Jen’s lips pressed against hers, she doubted herself. As much as she said she liked Reed, she knew his lips weren’t this soft. His chest wouldn’t feel the same when it met hers. He didn’t talk like her. He didn’t sound like her. He didn’t smell like her. He wasn’t her.
“If you want my advice,” Jen took a second to catch her breath when they finally detached from each other, “if it feels right, you don’t have to think about it. If it feels right, then your brain would know what to do. And if you can’t imagine kissing him without freezing up, then it doesn’t feel right, Sue.”
She didn’t have a chance to say anything before her friend started making her way to the door. She couldn’t really blame her. A part of her knew she was being nasty to her and she didn’t stop. She came for advice and didn’t listen to any she had to give. She didn’t want to hear it.
She liked Reed. She never doubted that. At least she didn’t before today. Before she walked up to her friend and asked her to kiss her. Maybe she did have a point.
But if she was right then certainly Sue would know, right? She wouldn’t feel anything for Reed. But was that feeling love? Was it attraction? Or was it just her projecting what she thought she should feel onto him?
She sighed as she walked out of the garage. She didn’t need to think about this right now. It was far too late to bail on him. Far too late to let herself think that she’d regret this. She never should’ve come here. She should’ve figured it out herself. She never should’ve let Jen get into her head about it. She never should’ve let her ruin kissing for her.
"“Is Marrina back there? She said she’d be off at four but I haven’t–”
“You know Marrina?”
“Yeah, she’s been staying with me,” I tried to explain as the dread was pulling at my throat.
“Well when you see her, you can tell her she’s fired,” he said matter of factly before turning on his heels like the conversation was over."
After Marrina doesn't come home in the morning, Heather assumes to worse. After driving down to her work, she couldn't help but think she was right
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
Marrina should’ve been home by now. She said her shift was from 6:30 to 4. I said that it was insane to make a teenager work a 10 hour graveyard shift. I wasn’t positive that that was legal. But she said that her coworker was going to drive her over after the fact and if that fell through she would call me to pick her up.
I didn’t get a call. It’s been two hours and she hasn’t so much as responded to a single text that I sent. She tried to call sometime around midnight. I didn’t catch it for obvious reasons. I wish I did. Maybe then my mind wouldn’t be jumping to the worst case scenario.
“I’m sure she’s perfectly fine,” Wanda tried to calm my nerves. “Chances are her phone died and she’s just waiting for you.”
“There’s no way her phone died,” I shook my head. She was smarter than that. More prepared. “And even if it did, she would’ve found another way to get in contact with me.”
“I’m just trying to say there’s no need to panic right now,” she explained as I was in the middle of fighting back a panic attack. “C’mon, let’s just go to the gas station and see if she’s there.”
“No, I can do it,” I shook my head and reached for the keys by the door before Wanda grabbed my hand.
“Heather, I don’t think you should be driving when you’re on the verge of a panic attack,” she reasoned, pulling me away from that small table.
“I’m fine, it’s only a mile,” I argued as she grabbed her own keys.
“Let me drive, okay?” She asked, walking to get both our coats. “I need to stop by my place anyway. Two birds with one stone.”
I nodded, reaching for my tennis shoes. I wanted to believe it was nothing. Just a simple misunderstanding. But the more I thought about it, the less I believed that. I didn’t want her to go yesterday. The alarms were going off the second she told me about it. But I didn’t want to sound paranoid.
God, I should’ve risked it. I should’ve trusted my gut. I should’ve marched over to the gas station and gave that manager a piece of my mind. Making a teenage girl work overnight when there was an active serial killer on the loose. I didn’t care how strapped for cash she thought she was, shouldn’t have taken the damn shift.
“It’s going to be okay,” Wanda tried to reassure me as we walked to the car. “I’m sure we’ll get there and it will all make perfect sense.”
“God, am I just going crazy?” I took a deep breath. “Am I worried about nothing?”
“Not at all,” she opened the passenger door to let me in. “She’s just a teenager, Heather. Chances are she didn’t even think about how much she’s worrying you.”
“She would’ve answered my texts,” I was still trying to convince myself I was wrong.
“She could’ve dropped her phone in the deep fryer,” she shrugged, “and the coworker ride fell through and she didn’t want to walk home while it was still dark.”
Despite both our best efforts I knew there was nothing that could calm the voices in my head. The ones that were insisting on jumping to the worst case scenario. The ones saying that I knew this was going to happen from the start. It was inevitable. It was always going to be her. There was nothing I could do about it.
It was just a short drive. A few minutes until all of these fears would be disproven and I could finally take a breath. Or a few minutes until I was proven right. Maybe I just needed to focus on anything else. The second Wanda turned the car on the speakers started playing some Donna Summers song. Not exactly how I was feeling but maybe that was for the better.
Only a short drive. I was just paranoid. Overreacting over nothing. We’d get there and it would all make sense. I’d look ridiculous, sure. Me looking ridiculous was better than her being kidnapped or murdered.
Two minutes at most. Thank god this town was tiny as shit. I don’t know if I could take more of it. Wanda reached over and took the hand I was tapping on my leg. Another attempt to soothe me. To try and get me down from the anxiety attack that I had been on the verge of for the past hour.
“It’s gonna be okay,” she repeated with a light squeeze as she pulled into the parking spot. “I’m sure it will all make sense and we can go home.”
“Okay,” I took another deep breath before stepping out of the car.
“I’m gonna grab something from my apartment, then I’ll be right back,” she explained, giving me a quick kiss before walking in a different direction. Leaving me alone with the glass door in front of me. I hesitated to open it. What if it wasn’t nothing? What if I walked in and my worst fears came true?
I couldn’t see her inside the store. If she was off her shift, she could’ve just been waiting in the staff room. I was probably worried over nothing. I just needed to walk in.
The bell rang as I entered the empty store. Whoever was here must be in the back. No one else was weird enough to be here at 6am. I looked around to see if anyone else was in here. No one behind the counter, no one crouched down in the aisles, no one getting a head start in the beer cave.
“Hello?” I tried to get whoever was on shift's attention. Looking behind the counter, trying to see if they were just lurking in a back hall. The further this went on, the worse the feeling got.
“Can I help you?” A man asked, finally appearing after a few minutes. I could tell from his face that it’s been a bad morning. Huffed over like I was wasting his time by walking into the store.
“Yeah, umm…” I tried to look down the hall. “Is Marrina back there? She said she’d be off at four but I haven’t–”
“You know Marrina?”
“Yeah, she’s been staying with me,” I tried to explain as the dread was pulling at my throat.
“Well when you see her, you can tell her she’s fired,” he said matter of factly before turning on his heels like the conversation was over.
“Wait, what are you talking about?” I asked after him. “She’s back there, right?”
“Listen, lady,” he sighed before turning back to me, “I don’t know who the hell you are or how you know her, but in my book when you abandon a store for god knows how long you don’t keep your job.”
“So she isn’t here?” I tried to think of any other explanation.
“Are you deaf or just stupid?” He rolled his eyes. “I’ve already told you she isn’t. I don’t know where the hell she is because she wasn’t here when anyone else got here and she isn’t answering her phone.”
“Excuse me?” I’ve had enough of this flippant attitude. “I’m coming in here concerned about her safety and you think it’s appropriate to insult me?”
“I really don’t give a shit why you’re here, lady,” he crossed his arms. “All you’re doing is wasting my time.”
“You just said you don’t know where she is, right?” I waited for him to throw me a sarcastic nod. “You can’t contact her and she wasn’t here in the morning?”
“Oh my fucking god, what do you want?” He groaned.
“I want you to tell me why you or none of your stupid ass employees contacted the police,” I crossed my arms. “Did you not think that it seemed a bit concerning that she just seemingly disappeared into thin air when there’s a serial killer on the loose?”
“So you’re one of those people,” he let out a mocking laugh. “A teenager does something irresponsible and suddenly they were grabbed by ‘the killer.’ If you’re so concerned about it, why don’t you call the police?”
“‘One of those people,’” it took everything in me not to jump over the counter and strangle him. “Do you just not care if she lives or dies? I mean it’s clear you don’t give a shit about her safety, scheduling a teenager to work a graveyard shift, who the fuck do you think you are?”
“If you’re so fucking concerned about her, you could be doing a lot more than arguing with me,” he dismissed everything I said. “I don’t give a shit so go tell someone who cares about what that brat got up to.”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Wanda rushed over just when I was about to tear into him again. “Is she back there?”
“Oh, now there’s two of them,” he mumbled under his breath.
“No and apparently she hasn’t been for god knows how long,” I tried my best to hold back my tears.
“Okay, okay,” she grabbed my shoulders and took a deep breath. “Is there any way she could’ve gone back to her parents house?”
“No, she wouldn’t have,” I shook my head. “We talked about it, she didn’t want to go back and they didn’t want her there.”
“Is there really nowhere else you guys could do this?” He added his two cents in.
“I’m sorry, but who the fuck are you?” Wanda turned to look at him. “Can’t you see we’re having a crisis right now?”
“I don’t care if the sun is fucking exploding,” he laughed. “I’ve had to deal with enough shit this morning without the two of you scaring off all the customers from my store.”
“Oh, so you’re the jackass who runs this shithole?” She asked. “Newsflash buddy, but no one else is in here and one of your employees is missing.”
“Then you two can go to the police,” he practically yelled before turning to walk to the back. But not before Wanda took a quick picture of him.
I was still trying to get my head around everything. She wasn’t here. No one knew where she was. I knew this was going to happen. Right from the start. How could it not be? I put a target on her back. She was never safe with me. And now she was missing.
“Take a deep breath, Heather,” she tried to talk me through what was now a full blown panic attack. “We can fix this, you just need to calm down.”
“It’s my fault,” I managed to choke out through short breaths. “I never should’ve let her– I’m the whole reason he ever went after her.”
“Shh, shh, that’s not true, Heather,” Wanda pulled me into a hug. All of her efforts were in vain. Nothing could soothe me, nothing could calm me down. Marrina wasn’t here. She was in danger if she wasn’t already dead. “Even if you told her not to go last night, you know she wouldn’t have listened to you.”
“I need to find evidence,” I said as she continued to tighten the hug. As if the squeezing was doing anything for the mental state. “Proof that she was taken or they’ll never believe me.”
Deep down I knew it was no use. Despite anything I could bring in, I was looking for a fight. For the past month, I’ve been wondering why. Why everything I did was dismissed. Why all my efforts were met with nothing but annoyance and apathy. But I understood it now.
It was never about me. Nothing I did would never be good enough. The closer that I got to the case, the more push back I would get. Madison’s whole goal was to push this under the rug. The more people involved, the worse it made him look. But some things mattered more than his guilty conscience. More than his pride and more than whatever family drama got us in this mess in the first place.
“If it happened anywhere…” I started to think out loud as I got out of her grip. I was the best chance she had so I had to get my shit together. Despite what so many people didn’t want me to believe, I was a good detective. “It wouldn’t be in here. Too bright, too many cameras, too many opportunities to be caught.”
I rushed out the door as Wanda followed right after me. Where could she have been that made her an easy target? Outside for a break? No, she would’ve stayed inside. Was she lured out? Maybe he had done something concerning to get her out of the store? Or maybe there was a simpler explanation.
“Dumpsters!” I yelled before running around to the back of the building. It’s so obvious. He must’ve struck while she was taking out the trash. In an alley where it was dark, where no one had the chance to see anything. It was a fucking cliche and it was the only thing that made sense.
“Heather!” She called out after me as I rounded the corner. “What are you looking for exactly?”
“Proof that she was taken,” I explained as I opened the lid of that large blue bin. “If I don’t have anything, they’d never take this seriously. If we’re gonna do something about this, they have to take this seriously.”
“You were saying last night that you know who’s doing it,” she caught up to me right as I was leaning into the dumpster. “Wouldn’t that be enough?”
“Nope,” I sighed. Nothing was jumping out in the piles of trash bags. “Madison knows it’s his brother too. That’s why he’s been interfering with it.”
“I don’t understand,” she said as I hopped down. “Why would he try to sabotage the case and let him kill innocent people?”
“Because if he’s telling the truth in those letters, he knows something that Madison is desperately trying to hide,” I dropped to the ground. Maybe there was something under the dumpster? “If he’s not, then maybe he’s trying to hide the fact he has an insane serial killer as a brother.”
“What letters?”
“He’s been leaving letters,” I explained. “Sending them into the station, leaving them around town like he’s the Riddler, he even sent one to me directly. They’re all written in code, that’s what the email was about.”
“Oh, shit…” She mumbled out, reaching for something in her jacket pocket. “Like this?”
I looked up from my position on the ground to see her pulling out a folded piece of paper. I opened it as she handed it over to me. My heart sank right into my stomach.
“It– it was slid under my door,” she started to explain, trying not to trip over her words. “I thought it was just some dumb prank one of my colleagues set up, I never imagined that–”
“He was here last night,” I said, shoving the letter into my own pocket. I wasn’t insane. I wasn’t overreacting. This was deliberate targeting. “He was here and he took her.”
I turned back to the dumpster. There had to be something. Something that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wasn’t just panicking. Something that they couldn’t just dismiss. A piece of fabric, a tuft of hair, a fingernail, anything that proved that she was here. That there was a struggle.
“Hey, look at this,” Wanda called out from the other side of the dumpster. Covering her hand with her sleeve before leaning down to pick it up. “This is her phone, right?”
I looked over to see her holding a smashed phone up, careful to not get any finger prints on it. That airbrushed hibiscus case was cracked right down the middle. It was completely destroyed. It was undeniably hers.
“We have to go to the station,” I tried to hold back the shakiness in my voice. Tried to sound confident that this was enough. That it wasn’t too late. That I could still save her. I didn’t know if I believed it. Even if I didn’t, I had to try.
"But as I went to open that top door of my fridge, my eyes locked onto the object that I had completely forgotten about. I guess Wanda’s plan worked after all. But now as I looked at my laptop, sitting comfortably just out of my reach.
Wanda was still asleep. Marrina wouldn’t be off for another few hours. If I didn’t seize this opportunity, I might not have another one until I went back to work on Monday. It was in the best interest of everyone in town to look at the emails."
After sneaking down to kitchen in the middle of the night, Heather decides to work on the case
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
Even with someone sleeping next to me, the nightmares still found their way into my mind. I was starting to think there was no solution to this. No way to stop them from coming. No strategy, folk remedy, or actions of a desperate person could make them go away.
When my eyes shot open, right before I was about to fall, I didn’t scream like I usually did. Even in the panic my brain was trying to artificially produce, I felt Wanda’s arm draped over me. Despite what these strange and constant nightmares wanted me to believe, I knew I was safe with her right next to me.
She managed to take up most of the bed. Almost completely sprawled out but somehow also unmoving. At one point, she managed to pull me flush against her. If she thought her arm wasn’t enough to keep me pinned to the bed, her leg also was laying across my hips.
I couldn’t lie, part of me found it sweet. Even when she was sleeping, completely unconscious, she still wanted to be close to me. Like it wasn’t even a choice, just this pull she felt towards me.
I knew I should try to go back to sleep. I didn’t have to see a clock to know it was far too early to be awake. Story of my life for the last month. But while I’d usually cut my losses and just start my day, I had something stopping me. I didn’t want to wake Wanda up at whatever this absurd time was.
If I did accidentally wake her up, she’d probably just drag me right back into bed. No matter how insistent I was that I couldn’t go back to sleep, I couldn’t compete with her iron will. She was just following her instructions, after all. If Marrina caught wind that she let me out of bed before the sun started to peak over the hills, she’d never trust her again.
But that sacred duty didn’t matter. I was wide awake and in desperate need of some water. Surely, she wouldn’t notice if I just snuck down for a few minutes. I just had to be smart about it. Not make too much of a ruckus as I slowly shifted towards the edge of the bed.
I was extremely cautious, waiting to hear if she was stirring. Then moving every so slightly. Repeating as many times I needed until I was out of her grasp. Still, I wasn’t in the clear. What might be the hardest part was still ahead of me. I had to get off the bed without getting caught.
The bed would noticeably shift when I finally hopped off of it. It might be enough to wake her up. Then I’d be caught red handed. But if I was careful, I knew I could pull it off.
I couldn’t help but stare at her. Sleeping so soundly. Her soft breaths were almost rhythmic. Even with most of her hidden under the covers, she still looked as beautiful as ever. Completely captivating and here I was trying to get away from her.
I let out a hiss as my feet touched the floor before slapping my hand over my mouth. Even with all my planning, I failed to consider the fact the hardwood would be cold as shit. I watched her as she started to shift, letting out a snore. There was no way I could move.
It felt like forever before I determined that I was in the clear. That I hadn’t woken her up and I could continue my journey downstairs. It was going to be a quick one. Just a simple drink and then I’d be right back. Still, it was cold as shit and it was only going to get colder in the kitchen. Grabbing my long cardigan was only logical.
Taking small steps, I slowly made my way out of the bedroom. Hyper conscious not to step on any squeaky floorboards. It seemed like an impossible task as I started down the stairs. After all this was over, I was going to fix them. Even if it took a few days of not being able to access the second floor.
God, when this was over. Would it even be the same? Could I walk into the station and go about my day? Would I ever have a peaceful night again? There was something in my gut telling me that this was never going to be over. That this was a deep stain that I’ll never be able to wash out of my mind.
I didn’t need to be thinking about this right now. All I needed was to get that glass of water, chug it down, and get back to bed before Wanda even noticed I was gone. I knew better than to assume that I could fall asleep again but maybe just laying next to her was a good enough replacement.
There was a cup already on the counter, as if I had already planned this. Maybe my latent laziness had its benefits at times. I grabbed the orange glass, feeling the frigid impressions of the patterns against my hand. God, it was cold down here.
I turned on the faucet and set it to cold. Would take a few moments to get to an enjoyable temperature. Just enough to grab some ice cubes from the freezer. I padded over, still wincing every time my feet hit the floor. Grabbing slippers or even just socks would’ve been the smart move. Oh well, it was only a short trip.
But as I went to open that top door of my fridge, my eyes locked onto the object that I had completely forgotten about. I guess Wanda’s plan worked after all. But now as I looked at my laptop, sitting comfortably just out of my reach.
Wanda was still asleep. Marrina wouldn’t be off for another few hours. If I didn’t seize this opportunity, I might not have another one until I went back to work on Monday. It was in the best interest of everyone in town to look at the emails.
“Fuck it,” I mumbled to myself, putting ice cubes inside of the cup. Only made it colder to the touch. Rushing over to finally fill the cup and quench my thirst. At this point, I was just wasting water.
I took a long sip of water, almost emptying half the glass. Filling the rest up just in case before heading over to the table. Giving my hands a rest before they started to freeze and get stuck to the side of the glass. I was quite fond of that set and if my skin peeled off onto the side then I’d just have to throw it away.
I grabbed a dining chair before going right back to the fridge. Still trying to make as little noise as possible. One wrong move and I’ll be caught red handed. Then I’d for sure be dragged up back to bed. The risk didn’t matter, I had work to do.
Just a quick look to see if there was anything. If the letters didn’t matter as much as I imagined they would, I’d go right back up and they’d be none the wiser. If they did have something, I’d have every reason to take these baby gates down.
I wouldn’t know unless I looked. I’ve been trying to do it all day after all. Who would I be if I just squandered this opportunity? With my laptop firmly placed under my arm, I carried the chair back to the table.
The chair cushion was unsurprisingly cold against the back of my thighs. My fault for thinking that boxer shorts were sufficient sleepwear this time of year. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t going to stop me as I opened my laptop. Greeted by that familiar field of purple wildflowers I set my lockscreen to all those years ago.
I typed in my password and the speakers let out a little chime. The nice view was replaced by the boring one of my emails. The one I was looking for still sat unopened. Highlighted right along with some email from the grocery store in Westpoint saying something about weekly deals on ice cream. Now, nothing was stopping me from opening it.
Detective McNeil,
Apologies about the late message, there were delays with the last letter due to an increased workload. Normally, I wouldn’t be sending this type of message but I wanted to personally make sure that the contents of the letters got to you. I’d also like to apologize again for the actions of Dr. Eisner the other day, I guarantee her general attitude problems have nothing to do with you or your colleague specifically.
Best of luck,
Dr. Carter Engles-Croft, Forensics.
And after that, four separate pdfs attached. Each one clearly labeled with the date they were added to whatever database they had down there. February 2nd, February 4th, February 12th, and finally, February 18th.
“Eighteen days wasted,” I mumbled to myself as I downloaded the first letter. Let out a heavy sigh as I had to wait for it to load. Might as well download the others preemptively. Nothing else to do besides take another sip of my water as I waited for my computer to do what it was supposed to. Probably just felt longer than it actually was before I heard that ping that meant I could finally look at what I had been trying to all fucking day.
It’s just such a shame, Madison. You’ve been lying to everyone this whole time. They have no idea who you actually are.
“Well, there’s a motive,” I leaned back and tried not to slam my palm down on the table. This shit would’ve been extremely helpful eighteen days ago. They were after Madison this whole fucking time. Why they were was an entirely different problem. Luckily I had three more chances to figure that out.
Do you have any idea that the person you trust so much is leading this town to ruin, Heather? How many more will go missing before he admits what he’s done?
Evidently, that was the one that ended up on my porch. But it just made me more confused. Admit what he’s done? What possible transgression could he have committed that would cause someone to become the fucking Joker? Of course, it could just be the ramblings of an insane person. No matter what Madison did, it wouldn’t justify all the murders that happened.
After all this time it should be clear now. So tell me, Madison, what happened to Roger Bochs?
“Roger Bochs,” I repeated in an attempt to commit it to memory. There was something there. There had to be. Maybe the whole reason this was happening in the first place. Enough reason to dig in further. Enough to say that I surely won’t get any more sleep tonight.
But before I started following this lead, getting muddled in old newspaper archives and nonsensical google searches, I still had one more letter to look at.
The longer you keep the truth to yourself, the more people will die. Every second you wait is another person you let down, just like you let me down. How can you ever be the town's keeper when you couldn’t manage to be your brother’s?
The last line slammed my brain with multiple flashbacks from childhood. From the bible story that my parents would always use whenever I got tired of looking after all my siblings. The one they used to convince me I was selfish and bratty and unholy for being a child and wanting to have literally one minute for myself.
Two brothers. One rageful and one holy. One angry and one righteous. One holding a rock and the other one dead. Cain and Abel. The story of how humans came to know death. There were times I thought it only made sense for the first murder to be a fratricide. My parents might have cut out my tongue for saying it but sometimes I couldn’t help but understand Cain.
What I didn’t understand was the framing of this letter. The killer obviously put themself in the position of Abel. Thought of themselves as righteous and godly and wronged despite the extreme violence that they were inflicting themself with the sole goal of getting back at Madison.
What could’ve happened to justify this in their mind? For them to kill three girls and still believe that they were innocent and Madison was guilty? That was the real question I needed to crack. And they gave me a pretty good lead too.
I opened another tab and typed it in. I didn’t think I’d get much for a simple google search of some name I’ve never heard of but it would be idiotic not to try. If this case had a prayer in the world, I had to try.
The only thing that I found with any sort of relevance was buried on the third page. An archive for some small town newspaper in Ontario. ‘Local teen found dead after disappearing three days ago,’ dated 23 years ago.
I started by skimming it. Looking for anything that might explain the relevance to this case. Roger Bochs was found dead at the base of some steep hill about half a mile from a hiking trail in the woods. The police suspected foul play and are currently interrogating people who were close to him. No names mentioned but from the letters I could only assume that Madison and the killer were both involved.
I searched through the site this time. There must be something more documented about this. Surely there isn’t just one article written about a suspected murder. And it didn’t take too much longer to find something else.
‘Suspect arrested on alleged murder of Roger Bochs’
“Why couldn’t that have shown up first?” I sighed as my eyes continued to scan the words against the harsh light. Felt like this was a lot more relevant especially considering his name was in the article title. I could read the story later, all I really needed were names.
Teen Lionel Jefferies was brought in on Tuesday, April 15th after a witness confessed to seeing him on the trail around the time of Roger’s disappearance
Bingo. The name was all I needed. Typing that into the website only gave more articles. ‘Lionel Jefferies charged with murder’, ‘Lionel Jefferies pleads insanity’, ‘Judge sentences Lionel Jefferies to life in a psychiatric facility.’ The titles gave me all I needed to know.
If the letters were to be believed, there was more to this story than the articles contained. At least he believed that Madison was somewhat responsible for something he seemingly took all the fall for. If I had to guess, he believed that Madison set him up. Lied about what happened that day to make him look more guilty than he really was.
But if he was sentenced to life in a psychiatric facility somewhere in Ontario, how was he over here committing these murders? I quickly opened another tab and searched his name.
‘Convicted lunatic escaped from Our Mother Mary psychiatric hospital’
Dated November 18th of last year. Just enough for the timelines to line up. Just enough to be sure that I wasn’t wrong. Just enough for everything to make sense. Just enough for me to understand everything that’s been going on.
He knew. From the first letter if not the first day. Those letters never got lost, he was withholding them to cover his own ass. He was interfering with the investigation and made us think we were the incompetent ones. Now it made sense why he was at the cannery. He was trying to solve this issue under the table. Trying to hide whatever involvement he might have in this case.
“You’re supposed to be in bed,” A voice came from behind me as I felt arms wrap around my collarbone. “And you aren’t supposed to be working either.”
“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” I sighed, grabbing Wanda’s hand. Caught red handed. “I had a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep.”
“That doesn’t explain why you left me up there all alone,” she tutted, “or why you decided to get your laptop out at 2:30 in the morning.”
“Well, maybe if you guys let me do this at a reasonable time,” I shrugged.
“You just happen to be a very unreasonable lady,” she kissed the top of her head. “Well tell me, miss detective, did you solve the case?”
“Something like that,” I sighed, still looking at that article that illuminated the screen.
“Really?” Wanda laughed, clearly not believing me. “What great secrets did those emails entail?”
“Madison never told me he had a brother,” I took a deep breath as I shut the laptop. There was no way I was getting even a wink of sleep but there was nothing I could do right now. All I could do was entertain her request. Go up and lay with her before I could blow this case wide open in the morning.
"“Did you get me a babysitter?” I joked but seeing the look on her face told me that she wasn’t joking. “You guys are ridiculous.”
“It takes a village,” she shrugged. “If you weren’t so insistent on working on your days off, then we wouldn’t have to take such dramatic measures.”
“What I do on my days off don’t concern either of you,” I argued. This whole situation was absurd."
Another day off and Heather isn't very keen on taking it
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
🚨🚨🚨This is the smut chapter feel free to skip (or reread ten times over we don't judge)🚨🚨🚨
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
I still thought this whole ‘day off’ business was a bunch of bullshit. Just a waste of time when there was so much to do. And for what? So I could sit at home alone doing absolutely nothing but stare at the wall? But just like last week, it was being imposed on me. However, unlike last week, there was extra reinforcement this time.
“You better not be on your laptop,” Marrina warned me from the guest room.
“So what if I am?” I rolled my eyes, typing in my password.
“Puck already told me the situation,” she explained as she marched out, “you’re not working this weekend.”
“And you think you can tell me what to do?” I raised my eyebrow as she tried to reach for the computer that was resting on the dining table. “Did you forget whose house you’re in?”
“What? And you’re gonna kick me out or something?” She called my bluff before pushing the screen shut. “No work tonight.”
“Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do when you go to work?” I asked as she tried to walk away with my laptop.
“We’ve already planned this out,” she smiled, putting the computer behind her back as I tried to reach for it. “Trust that you won’t even get a chance.”
“Did you get me a babysitter?” I joked but seeing the look on her face told me that she wasn’t joking. “You guys are ridiculous.”
“It takes a village,” she shrugged. “If you weren’t so insistent on working on your days off, then we wouldn’t have to take such dramatic measures.”
“What I do on my days off don’t concern either of you,” I argued. This whole situation was absurd.
“It concerns us very deeply because this is the only way you’d actually take a break,” she pointed out. “And you need to take a break.”
“I’ll take a break when this is done,” I rolled my eyes.
“And that’s exactly why we need to enforce it,” she laughed, putting the computer down on her bed. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll have so much fun you’ll forget that you even wanted to work.”
“If you roped Wanda into your little scheme, I swear–”
“Who else would we have roped into it?” She laughed, knowing that I had no rebuttal to her question.
“Ridiculous,” I shook my head. “All of you guys are ridiculous.”
“Is that the vocab word of the day or something?” She teased me.
“I wouldn’t even be trying to work if there was nothing to work on,” I defended myself. “And this shit is time sensitive.”
“Leave it to the people who are actually working today,” she shrugged. “I’m sure they’re all just as capable of reading their emails.”
“You’d think,” I sighed, flopping down on the couch.
“If something serious happened, they’d call you,” she grabbed her purse off the coffee table. “And they’re not even paying you for it. You shouldn’t be destroying your health over it.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be going to work?”
“It only takes like fifteen minutes to walk there,” she shrugged, “and the second I walk out, you’ll go get your laptop again.”
“You really shouldn’t be walking to work,” I pointed out. “Especially when it’s already getting dark and there’s a serial killer on the loose.”
“I’ll be fine, Heather,” she waved off my concern. “It’s not that far.”
“It’s almost a mile,” I argued. “Also what’s your manager doing, scheduling a teenage girl on a graveyard shift with everything going on?”
“You’re being paranoid,” she shook her head. “I’ll call you if anything sketchy happens.”
“He shouldn’t be leaving you alone in there overnight,” I shook my head.
“Yeah, he’s an asshole,” she agreed, “but considering I was just kicked out of my house, I’m not in much position to lose my job.”
“A paycheck isn’t worth your safety, Marrina,” I stood up. “At least let me drive you, it wouldn’t–”
My sentence was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Guess it was just my luck that they actually planned this out.
“Sounds like my cue to leave,” she shrugged, completely ignoring my concern.
“I’m not done–” I tried to stop her but it was no use. Now that her replacement was here, she had no reason to draw out the conversation.
“Hi Wanda, bye Wanda,” she gave a quick greeting before walking right past her, out the door.
“Hi,” she laughed, before stepping into the house. “Is she late or something?”
“I offered to drive her,” I took a deep breath. “I don’t even think she should be working tonight but…”
“Must get the stubbornness from you,” she walked over and gave me a quick kiss.
“I’m just concerned with everything going on, she’s not taking it seriously,” I started to explain.
“Yeah, she’s a teenager,” Wanda shrugged. “I’m sure the second she feels unsafe, she’d call you.”
“I know, I know,” maybe I was just paranoid. Maybe it’s just been constantly front of mind lately. I couldn’t help but imagine the worst case scenario. That the second she was out of my sight, she was in danger.
“She’ll be fine, you don’t need to worry yourself sick over it,” she reassured me. “Besides, I was told you need to relax.”
“You’re listening to a biased source,” I rolled my eyes, moving towards the guest room. “I’m doing just fine.”
“From my past experience last week and the news that’s come out after, I’m inclined not to believe you,” she tried to block my path.
“And I wasn’t trying to work last week, look how that turned out,” I argued, grabbing my laptop off her bed. “Despite what Puck and Marrina want you to believe, I actually have work to do.”
“Work that couldn’t have been done, yesterday?” She raised her eyebrow at me while standing in the doorway.
“No, it couldn’t have,” I answered. It was clear that she was having fun messing with me. Despite what she and everyone else wanted to believe, I was the one that knew I only got that email after I left work yesterday.
Knowing what was in those letters could crack this case right open. If that one investigator was telling the truth, I was the only one with this information. But ever since I stepped foot in this house yesterday night, Marrina did everything she could to prevent me from looking at them.
“Oh, I’m sure,” she didn’t make any attempt to hide her sarcasm.
“What’s even so bad about it?” I asked. “Does everyone just want me to stare at the wall for 48 hours?”
“You’ve had enough stress for one lifetime,” she laughed, still blocking the only way out. “All that little demonic device is going to do is make you even more worried.”
“The only way to solve the problem of me worrying is to find out who’s killing everyone,” I tried to shimmy past her to little avail. “And then dealing with the Marrina problem and after all of that, a shot of whiskey.”
“And what exactly is the Marrina problem?” She quickly wrapped her arms around me, an attempt to keep me in place.
“Well, I’m sure you noticed her black eye.”
“I asked about it yesterday and she said ‘let’s just say no one’s gonna try to kick me off the swingset and steal my lollipop anymore,’” her grip tightened as I tried to wriggle away, “so I decided not to push it.”
“She got into a fight with her parents,” I debated how much I should tell her. God knows it’s a sensitive situation. One that I shouldn’t have really mentioned in the first place. “Bad enough that I can’t imagine her going back.”
“Oh geez,” she took enough of a pause to loosen her grip on me. If her goal was to subdue me, she made a fatal error. “Hey!”
“Too slow,” I teased, booking it towards the kitchen.
“That was dirty play,” she laughed, chasing right after me.
“And a rookie mistake on your part,” I tutted, opening the laptop while still trying to run from her. Not the best work environment but it was the best I was getting.
“Don’t you dare open those emails,” she warned me, trying to trip me up with some fancy maneuver around the counter.
“I’m already opening them,” I sang out as if I already won. I knew I wasn’t going to get any work done but I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.
“You’re not working today, Heather,” she tried to grab my laptop from my hands.
“I’d like to see you try to stop me,” I challenged her, quickly moving the computer out of her reach.
“You’re a brat, you know that?” She shook her head before making another attempt at the computer that still sat securely in my hands.
“Sure do,” I laughed, getting further into the email than I managed to get today. “God, if you’re trying to stop me, you’re doing a terrible job.”
I might have declared my victory too early. The second the taunt left my mouth she managed to snatch it right from my hands.
“You were saying?” She raised her eyebrow at me while snapping the screen shut.
“You know I’m just gonna grab it again,” I folded my arms.
“I’d like to see you try,” she turned around, putting the laptop right on top of the fridge. God, I hated tall people.
“There’s a chair right over there,” I pointed out. “The second you drop your guard, I’m just going to get it again.”
“It’s just too bad that I don’t plan to take my eyes off you for the rest of the night,” she tutted, stepping closer to me. “You won’t even get the chance to think about those emails.”
“Oh really?”
“Mhm,” she put her arms around me before lifting me up by my waist. “You’d think after the last few times, you’d start to believe me.”
“Maybe those times were just flukes,” I shouldn’t be teasing her as she was holding me up off the ground but who would I be if I didn’t? If I knew anything, I knew she loved this little dynamic we had going on.
I’d taunt her and tease her and she’d put me in my place. As predictable as it was, I never got bored. In fact, I don’t know how I could’ve managed without these little weekend distractions. One of the only times in the past month and a half where I could just turn my brain off.
“You don’t have faith in me?” She let out a little whine, carrying me as if I weighed nothing at all.
“Maybe I just keep my expectations low so I can be surprised every time,” I offered a different explanation as I wrapped my legs around her waist. As easy as she was making it seem, I’d rather not have her drop me on my ass as we made our way up the stairs. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what her intended location was.
“I was told that I had to take care of you tonight,” she brought her hand down and gave my ass a tight squeeze. “I’m not sure if this is what they had in mind but the results speak for themself.”
“They knew what they were doing when they asked you,” I assured her with a kiss on her neck.
“Did they, now?” She kicked my bedroom door open, not taking a single finger off of me. “I wasn’t aware that you went around blabbing about this.”
“I don’t, they just go around gossiping about it,” I defended myself as she placed me down on my bed. Just standing over me, keeping enough distance to make sure I knew I wasn’t in control.
Looking up at her, I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful woman if I tried. Her hair in that big silver pin she wore the first night I met her. The first night we did this little dance. I still didn’t know how it managed to hold all of it back. Those blonde curls that I could spend the rest of eternity running my fingers through.
Those few strands that refused to conform with the rest of them framed the masterpiece that was her face. Her strong features contrasted the soft curls that tried to cloud her vision. Tried to obscure those beautiful blue eyes. I’d cut them off if I could. Nothing should have the right to hide them.
Her pink lips covered in that cherry sheen. Her intoxicating scent emanated off of her neck. I was already struggling to remember what exactly I was so determined to do today. In this room, she was the only thing that mattered.
“You’re so beautiful,” I managed to breathe out, reaching towards her face.
“Mmm, I know,” she hummed, rubbing her thumb on the side of my cheek. “Just two beautiful people.”
“Oh please,” I let out a slight laugh, “I’m not half as beautiful as you.”
“You’re not allowed to lie to me,” she shook her head. “I thought you knew better than this.”
“Not lying, expressing a difference in opinion,” I argued as she leaned closer to me.
“It’s a wrong opinion,” she pressed her thumb into the side of my face for emphasis. “You’re beautiful, Heather. I’m not going to let you deny it.”
“And how am I supposed to know you’re not just trying to get in my pants?” I joked, which made her roll her eyes.
“Because I don’t need to flatter you to get there,” she answered, moving her hands to the hem of my t-shirt. “If you need me to show you, I’d gladly do so.”
“You’ll never convince me,” she made quick time taking off my ratty graphic tee.
“That’s just too bad because I don’t plan on stopping until you believe me,” her lips pressed firmly on my neck as she pushed me down onto my bed.
I believed her when she said that she wasn’t going to stop until I told her what she wanted to hear. She wanted me to say that I was just as beautiful as she was. But that would be a bold faced lie. To say that I was even comparable to the goddess crawling on top of me was blasphemy.
I still didn’t know what exactly she saw in me that day. When I was just sitting at the bar looking sorry for myself. I knew I’ve never been much of a looker, I compensated in other personal aspects. I never considered myself beautiful or captivating or even that charming but here Wanda was, trying to convince me that I’ve been wrong my whole life.
But I couldn’t deny that she was dedicated to making me admit I was wrong. Maybe I wasn’t going to claim that I was anywhere near the same level as she was but I believed her when she said she loved my body. With every single kiss and squeeze and caress she was proving it. Giving attention to every curve of my body, pressing a kiss to every single freckle on my face.
We could do this all night. I could spend the rest of eternity with her right on top of me. Straddling my hips and giving me so much attention. If it was anyone else it might make me squirm. But it wasn’t anyone else. It was Wanda. She could have anyone she wanted but she kept coming back to me.
“You’re so beautiful, Heather,” she whispered in my ear. “Every single part of you.”
“Mhm,” all this touching and teasing was starting to get to me.
“Say it.”
“Say what?” My mind was clouded as that knot in my stomach grew more tangled with each passing moment.
“Say you’re beautiful,” she clarified, putting her arm behind my back and willing me to sit up. Giving me nowhere to look but her face.
“You’re ridiculous,” I tried to look away but she quickly turned my face back to her.
“I know what you want, Heather,” she tutted, “and I’m not giving it to you until you say it.”
“So you’re just going to tease me until I say it?” I raised my eyebrow at her.
“If it was up to me, I’d let you sit on my face right this second,” she shrugged. “But I said I wasn’t going to stop until you believe that you’re beautiful and I’m not one to go back on my word.”
“And if I don’t believe it?”
“If you’re that stubborn then I can just worship your body until the sun comes up,” she assured me, “but I’m not stopping until you say it.”
I rolled my eyes as her lips kissed down my jawline. She wasn’t planning to give this up, much to my annoyance. Over something so inconsequential too. Did it really matter that I didn’t think I was the hottest bitch in town? Was it really worth all this effort?
But she was insisting with every single press of her lips and pass of her hands. By the way she was acting, someone might think I was some sort of catch. If this clearly divine woman was casing after me like I was some sort of golden prize I must have something going on. But no matter how much attention she was paying to each individual tit I still couldn’t see what it was.
“What’s the end goal of this whole thing?” I let out a soft whine as she found a particularly sensitive spot.
“I’ve already told you what I wanted,” she breathed into my sternum. “Do I need to say it again?”
“I’m beautiful,” I finally gave in to her request. “Is that good enough?”
“You have to mean it,” she shook her head.
“You never said anything about meaning it,” I argued.
“It was implied,” she insisted with a strong kiss on my forehead. “Why don’t you believe it?”
“I just think it’s ridiculous,” I looked right into her eyes. Her stormy blue eyes that couldn’t help but pull me in. “How could I ever think I’m as beautiful as you?”
“Because I’m looking at you right now and I think so,” she caressed my face, tracing the cheek bone with a gentle motion. “Your eyes, your lips, every single freckle on your face. Your beautiful hair, your perfect body, I love every single inch of you, Heather.”
“Is that so?” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“What will it take, huh?” she asked. “What do I have to do to make you believe me?”
“Why are you so hung up on it?” I gave her a soft kiss. “I just can’t imagine that I’m as beautiful as the goddess in front of me, is that such a sin?”
“Do you need me to prove it again?” She moved off my lap and towards the head of the bed.
“And how are you gonna do that?” I teased as she situated herself on top of the pillows.
“I already told you, sweetheart,” she beckoned me over to her, “and if you come over here I’ll show you.”
I didn’t waste any time crawling to her as she took off her glasses. Swiftly discarding them on the bedside table. As useful as they were most of the time, in this situation they were only going to get in the way.
My clothes have been removed by this point. From my shirt to my sweatpants to my bra and my panties, they all found various places on the floor. I wasn’t missing any of them right now. Even as I looked at her, with all her clothes still attached to her body, I didn’t feel exposed.
She kept urging me closer to her. Kept reaching out ready to pull me right on top of her. She could pull me around however she pleased and I’d thank her. But she was always gentle. With her teasing and her whispering. For the strength I knew she had, she didn’t have a rough bone in her. At least not when it came to me.
“I said come here,” she grabbed my waist, pulling me right up to her face.
“I thought you knew I wasn’t good at listening,” I joked as she tried to position me. If I had any doubts about her intentions, I didn’t anymore.
“You just act like you aren’t,” she corrected me. “I know that you just love it when I put you in your place.”
“Maybe if you weren’t so good at it,” I grabbed onto the headboard as she started to pull my hips down to her face. No amount of anticipation could prepare for the feeling. I knew what came next and I still let out a gasp as the contact was made.
God, it felt so good. Before all this, I didn’t feel like I was missing much. I could only manage to make it to Vancouver a few times a year and even then it was always underwhelming. Most of it could be replicated in my bedroom with my own hands. Anything that couldn’t wasn’t worth my time.
But Wanda just knew how to work me. Knew exactly what she needed to do to make me moan. In practically every way, she was perfect. Maybe we just fit together. Maybe this was just what it felt like when two people were made for each other.
I didn’t like to think about the fact she’d be gone in a few months. It wasn’t fair for her to show me the best sex that I ever had only to go back to Montreal. Go back to her entire life away from this town while I was still stuck right here.
I shouldn’t even be thinking about this while I was sitting on her face. While she was giving it all she had to keep me distracted. Doing everything she could to prove that she loved me. All I could think about was how all this was temporary. Someday all of this would be a distant memory and I’d be exactly where I was before her.
“Mmm, right there,” I moaned as her tongue brushed against a particularly sensitive spot. Her fingers pressed into my hips. A silent way to communicate while I was occupying her mouth. Just a simple reassurance that she heard me. That her goal was to make me feel good and she wanted nothing more than to achieve it.
I can’t say that I’ve felt desired before. I’ve been looked at, surely I’ve been considered, but this was different. I’ve never had someone be so insistent that I was beautiful. I’ve never had someone take so much time just worshipping my body. I’ve never had some treat pleasing me like it was a fine art. But none of those past experiences mattered anymore. Because I had Wanda. I had someone who cared about me enough to dedicate an entire night to looking out for me.
“Please, don’t stop!” I let out a high pitched whine as I felt that knot getting tighter and tighter. As much as I didn’t want it to end, I couldn’t last much longer. She tried to pull me closer as if it was physically possible. I tried every I could to quiet the involuntary noises that were spilling out of my mouth. The last thing I wanted to do was piss off my neighbors. But as she tried to pull on my arm that I was trying to gag myself with, I decided it didn’t really matter.
It felt like a matter of seconds before that wave crashed over me. Almost enough to make my eyes roll back. She didn’t let up. Not when I cried out in ecstasy, not when I was panting on top of her, not when I was whining from how sensitive I was becoming.
“Okay, I can’t…” I was having trouble forming a coherent sentence but she got the gist. Helping me get off of her face and making me lay down right next to her. I couldn’t help but smile when I looked at her. “Got a little something on your face.”
“Oh, that’s embarrassing,” she laughed, making no attempt to wipe away the mess that coated the bottom of her face.
“You could pull it off,” I joked as she brought her hand up to my face again.
“You think?”
“I think that you could pull anything off,” I admitted, looking right into her eyes.
“Do you believe me now?” She asked, pulling me closer to her. Like she didn’t even care if my sweat got onto her nice clothes.
“Hmm?” It took a second to process what she meant.
“Do you believe me when I say you’re beautiful?” She kissed my forehead.
Did I believe I was beautiful? Not really. I couldn’t help it if I looked in the mirror and saw all my flaws. But if there was anything I could believe, it was that she didn’t see them. It didn’t matter what I thought about myself when the goddess right next to me thought I was one of the most enchanting creations to walk the planet. What could I do but nod?
Heather couldn't stand the cold. It was just her luck that she knew someone who could help her.
Tags: Tooth rotting fluff, fluff without plot, winter setting, cuddling, sharing a bed
Ao3 Masterlist
Ever since she was a child, Heather believed that winter was a punishment for her specifically. The gray skies and dead foliage didn’t excite her. The holidays brought nothing but stress in her older age. Not that they were some joyous time when she was a kid but she didn’t need to unpack that right now. Right now, despite all the blankets in the world and the thermostat up so high it would give any dad in a fifty mile radius a heart attack, she was freezing.
She wasn’t built for the cold. In fact, she despised it. Seemed ironic considering the country she’s lived in her entire life. She’d take rainstorms in the spring, heatwaves and sunburns in the summer, winds strong enough to blow her over in the fall, over this feeling. Flannel sleep pants, a long sleeve shirt, a sweatshirt on top of that. Flannel sheets, a heavy comforter, two quilts piled on that and she was still shivering.
The fact this was an old ass house didn’t help any. The alpha mansion wasn’t built with central heating in mind. She was about ready to tear it down and rebuild it brick by brick. She was about ready to make a deal with some sketchy cosmic entity to get rid of winter all together. The consequences of that could be dealt with later.
As for more practical solutions, there really wasn’t any. Space heaters had always turned out to be a bad idea. She swore off of them after waking up in the middle of the night to the smell of something burning. Her room didn’t have a fireplace and it would be unwise to build an impromptu one. If she wanted to direct source of heat she was by all means fucked.
She sighed, trying to pull any blanket she could over her face. Why did her nose get so cold? Why was it so hard to fix this problem? Why could no amount of blankets stop this supposedly supernatural chill from harassing her?
She sat up and looked at the windows, just to be sure they weren’t all open. Of course they weren’t open. She practically welded them shut for six months out of the year. Maybe she should just get up to check them. Make sure that any of the wind wasn’t making its way through the glass particles. She knew it didn’t really work that way but she was desperate enough to check anyway.
“Motherfucker,” she hissed as her feet hit the hardwood floor. Even through the pair of wool socks it felt like she was stepping on straight ice. Someone must’ve cursed her. There was no other logical explanation. How could she take all of these precautions and still come out cold? It didn’t make any sense in the slightest.
She somehow managed to make her way over to the window. Despite the floor shooting an icy chill up her legs every time she moved her foot. It was torture. Surely it wasn’t worth it. What was she even trying to check? She knew that the windows were shut. She knew whatever coastal winds were assaulting the mansion weren’t defying the laws of physics. Still, it was enough to drag her out of bed.
She put the back of her hand against the window. Cold enough to get her skin frozen onto the glass. She didn’t know what exactly she was expecting. All the windows were shut. The latches were locked. It wasn’t the windows and still the cold was ravaging every square inch of this room.
Was there really nothing she could do but accept defeat? Make her way back to her bed and just ignore it? Try to sleep despite the fact that nothing has changed. She didn’t know how much longer she’d survive. Everyone might just wake up tomorrow and find her frozen in a block of ice. It would take a lot of blow dryers to try and defrost her.
Was she being overdramatic? A little bit. But anyone would be too if they were in her shoes. Freezing their ass off with no possible solution. Would anyone judge her if she just crashed on the living room couch? She’d rather not deal with any questions or mockery. But what else could be done?
She could always kick someone out of their room. Someone who wasn’t as sensitive to the cold as she was. Or maybe a solution was right in front of her.
She has been talking to Wanda recently. Nothing too serious but nothing either of them could deny. It was her go to strategy to cuddle up next to Mac during weather like this. But he was obviously not an option anymore. She didn’t know if she’d turn to him now anyway.
Would it be too forward to show up in her room in the middle of the night? She wasn’t stupid, she knew what the implication was. Not that she hated the idea. It wasn’t that she wasn’t incredibly attracted to her, she just knew this wasn’t the way to initiate anything.
It couldn’t hurt to try. It was in the team’s best interest that she got a good night's sleep. How could she possibly lead when the cold was preventing her from getting any sleep? Even if she didn’t buy that line, surely Wanda would take pity on her.
Her room wasn’t a ridiculous distance either. Heather being the leader and Wanda being the person who very graciously offered a family property for their base of operations, they naturally got the two best rooms. Just a hall down. It wouldn’t even take a minute to reach her.
“Worth a shot,” she mumbled to herself, walking towards the door. The floor was trying everything it could to stop her. Part of her was beginning to wonder if this really was the best room. Wanda’s must not get this cold. All the more reason to embark on this journey.
What she wouldn’t give to just have someone hold her. It had been so long since she slept in a bed with someone else. As complicated as her feelings about Mac were lately, she missed that. She missed a feeling of arms wrapped around her and a body pressed against hers. She didn’t like sleeping alone. She was getting tired of it.
The hallway wasn’t as cold as her room, thank god. She had to admit that this place tended to give her the heebie jeebies. In her defense, it was an old, isolated, manor that had been abandoned for god knows how long. If Wanda’s story was true, her uneasiness wasn’t completely unfounded.
They’ve done some light redecorating. Nothing too serious, just trying to get rid of the haunted mansion vibes. No one objected to moving the creepier portraits to a place where their painted eyes wouldn’t follow them. In fact, almost all of them were eager to help.
Just because the hall wasn’t seemingly cursed with its own polar vortex like her room was didn’t mean that Heather was content to be out here. The chills still managed to bite her despite all her layers. All she could pray for is that this little trip wouldn’t be for nothing.
She hesitated before reaching for the doorknob. What if she was making everything awkward? Hell, if someone just walked into her room in the middle of the night, she would probably sock them in the face on instinct. It didn’t matter what her intentions were, it would probably read as creepy.
Well, it wasn’t like they were just coworkers. The way they’ve been flirting with each other it wouldn’t surprise her if the other Alphans assumed they were already together. And Wanda did tell her not to be a stranger. Paired with a wink as well. It wouldn’t be as outrageous as she was trying to tell herself it was.
Locked. She jiggled it again just to make sure. In hind sight, she didn’t know why she thought it wouldn’t be. It was a long shot from conception, she knew that. At least she had a plan B. Grab some of those quilts from her room and crash on the couch.
It wouldn’t be that bad, she supposed. Really, anything was better than staying in that room. Maybe she could come up with an innovative way to solve this problem by tomorrow night. She didn’t really want to make sleeping on the couch a habit.
“Heather?” A tired voice called out to her as she was walking down the hall. “What are you doing up this late?”
“Oh, umm…” Caught in the act. She turned around to see the tall woman peeking out the doorway. It was strange, even when she was sleeping she looked more put together than Heather normally did. Even with her hair tied up under some sort of silk scarf and those gel masks under her eyes, she managed to be absolutely breathtaking. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
“Not at all,” Wanda shook her head but her yawn told her that was exactly what she did. “What’s up?”
“It’s– it’s nothing, really,” she denied. She didn’t know how to say it. Now that she was confronted with the scenario she was seeking out she felt foolish. A grown ass woman who couldn’t handle a little bit of cold. It was laughable.
“It’s nothing?” She smiled at her as she stepped out of the doorway. Giving Heather a good view of her matching pajama set. Light blue with lacey trimming. It made her shiver just looking at her. “So you came down just because?”
“No, it’s not like that,” she denied when she saw that smirk on her face. Another shiver shot up her body as Wanda stepped closer to her.
“Really?” She let out a light laugh and put her hand on her shoulder. “What is it like then, Heather?”
“I’m cold,” she finally admitted with a sigh. “It’s insanely cold in my room to the point I couldn’t go to sleep so I just thought–”
“What? You’re trying to kick me out of my room?” Wanda teased her with a smile. “Invoking eminent domain in the middle of the night? That’s cruel, even for you, hot stuff.”
“I’m not,” she defended herself against her attack. “I just thought… Y’know, I just thought that I could…”
“Sleep in my bed?!” She let out a dramatic gasp that made Heather roll her eyes. “Golly gosh, what would everyone think?”
“Don’t make fun of me,” she pushed on the taller woman's shoulder. “I’m desperate. I wouldn’t even be bothering you at such an insane time if I wasn’t. Please, Wanda, I’m–”
“Oh you don’t have to beg me,” Wanda laughed, planting a kiss on her cheek. “You’re just lucky that I have a soft spot for pretty women in need of my help.”
“And if I wasn’t pretty?” Heather raised her eyebrow as she was being practically dragged into her room.
“And what if the earth didn’t revolve around the sun?” She shrugged. “What if you weren’t pretty? That’s nonsensical, Heather.”
“If you insist,” she laughed, looking around at Wanda’s room. Had a hell of a lot more personality than her own did. Simple things like a stained glass lamp and a stunning blue bed spread made a world of difference.
But she didn’t have much time to look around. It was her fault entirely that she gave Wanda a job to do. She was using all her strength to get Heather onto the bed. In another situation this might have excited her. In this situation, she really was tired.
“Well, if you need someone to warm you up, you came to the right gal,” Wanda said as she pulled the cover back for her. “I have to warn you though, I’m a grade A cuddle bug.”
“Is that so?” Heather wasted no time crawling into the bed. The mattress was a bit firmer than her own. It was also noticeably warmer.
“So much so it caused problems in plenty of previous relationships,” she admitted, scooting right next to her. The heat from her body alone was almost enough to draw a moan out of her. But Heather had enough shame to hold it back. “I’ve been debating just going out and buying some teddy bear. I just like having something to hold in my arms.”
“Well, you’re in luck because I love to be cuddled,” she reassured her, nuzzling her frozen nose into her neck.
“Then we must be compatible,” Wanda shivered a bit as Heather continued to bury her face into her. “God, you are cold.”
“Did you think I was lying or something?”
“It would’ve been a pretty good one,” She wrapped her arms around her. “Even if you were lying, I still would’ve let you in.”
“You should’ve never told me that,” Heather laughed, wrapping her own arms around Wanda. She couldn’t help it, she didn’t want to lose the sensation of her body against hers.
“What, you’re just going to try and sneak into my room again?” She gasped. “Well, good luck with that, sweetheart. I’ll tell you I have a heightened sense when it comes to beautiful women planning to take advantage of my body heat. I’ll smell you coming from a mile away.”
“Never say that again, you sound like Logan,” she mumbled, feeling herself start to drift off.
“Now that hurts,” Wanda responded, twirling a piece of hair from her ponytail. As much as she wanted to stay up, stay in this moment, she was actually tired. She didn’t actually walk here to flirt with Wanda, as fun as they both seemed to find it.
She came here because she was warm. She was warm and obliging no matter how ridiculous her request seemed. No matter how ridiculous she felt asking for it. Waking her up in the middle of the night just because she wanted to cuddle.
She guessed that it was just because Wanda wanted to help her. It was a mutually beneficial situation. Heather got someone to hold her and Wanda got someone to hold. Maybe they should do this more often.
Maybe they should just convert Heather’s room into some sort of private study. Maybe they should cut out the middle man and just stay together every night. Maybe they should just go ahead and marry each other so she wouldn’t have to deny herself of this feeling ever again.
Maybe she should just go to sleep before she made any rash decisions. It was just one night. She didn’t have to think about forever. All she needed to do was rest. Let herself drift off as she felt Wanda’s chest rise and fall with each breath.
“You don’t have to worry about the cold anymore,” she whispered when she must’ve been sure Heather was asleep. “My sweet, darling, Heather, I’ll make sure you’ll never be cold again.”
She felt Wanda plant a kiss to her forehead before she felt her body start to grow in her arms. Even in this half-awake state, she knew what was happening. Heather said she was cold and Wanda, being a problem solver, decided the easiest way to warm her up was to bring Sasquatch to the party.
Heather couldn’t lie even if she wanted to. It felt nice. So nice to be completely enveloped in her strong arms and her white fur. And she held her like she was afraid to lose her. Like if Wanda didn’t hold her right against her chest, she’d just disintegrate. Held her the way that she’s been wanting to be held for so long.
Mac never held her like that. He couldn’t have even if he wanted to. It seemed as if Wanda was the only person alive who could fulfill this need. The only person capable of surrounding her with the warmth she needed. So much warmth that she didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to go to sleep because if she did, she’d be missing this feeling. She didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and have it be over.
Would it be too forward to say she never wanted to leave? Their other teammates could go fuck themselves. It was only going to get colder after all. Staying right here in this bed until spring came again didn’t sound bad at all.
But alas, neither of them were bears. She knew that as soon as the sun hit the window it would be over. They’d have to wake up, take care of their duties, act like this never happened in front of everyone else. And then the night will fall again. Everyone would retire to their own rooms. Who’s to say that Heather’s room won’t be intolerably cold again tomorrow night? And the night after that? And the night after that? And the night– Well, I’m sure we all get it by now.
"“I know it’s last minute,” she prepared herself for disappointment, “but I just feel like it could work. Y’know, go back to my roots a bit, give the dancers and band a little break.”
“It’s extremely unconventional to make a change this late,” she pointed out the obvious. “Everything has already been set and mapped out.”
“It’s totally fine if it’s not gonna happen. I didn’t expect anything and besides we–”
“If you want to do it, I can make it happen,” she reassured her."
With only hours until her big show, Sue decides to make a change
Tags: Mental health issues, Themes of Depression, Pop Star Au, Famous Sue Storm, Developing Relationship, Romance, Drama, Relationship Drama, Eventual Smut, Musicians, Music, Shitty Lyrics Sprinkled Throughout (Do Not Mention Them), Past Sue Storm/Namor, Sue Storm Needs A Hug, No Beta We Die Like My Ability To Do Anything But Write
Ao3 Official playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
The day had come. The day she had been waiting for her whole life. The day she had been fantasizing about in the shower ever since she was thirteen. The day she’ll prove exactly who she is to everyone who still doubted her. And she could finally admit to herself that she was excited.
It’s been so long since she’s done a show. Almost eight months to be exact. Over half a year. It might be an unpopular opinion but it was her favorite part. Seeing all her fans. Hearing reactions to everything she worked so hard to perfect. It made her feel good. Like all the heartache was worth it.
But performing always came with a lot of preparation. And given that this was Dreamland, the biggest show of her career by a longshot, she could kiss the whole day goodbye. It didn’t matter that the show itself wasn’t until seven, she wouldn’t get even a second to rest.
“Big day, Sue,” Wanda greeted her as she walked into the trailer. “Are you ready?”
“I thought I didn’t have to be for another ten hours,” she joked. “But, yes, I am.”
“Good,” she nodded. “I know for a fact that it’s all anyone is talking about.”
“Even the haters can’t keep my name out of their mouth,” she laughed. “God, it’s really happening.”
“You deserve it,” Wanda smiled at her. “But I did want to ask you about the setlist change.”
“I know it’s last minute,” she prepared herself for disappointment, “but I just feel like it could work. Y’know, go back to my roots a bit, give the dancers and band a little break.”
“It’s extremely unconventional to make a change this late,” she pointed out the obvious. “Everything has already been set and mapped out.”
“It’s totally fine if it’s not gonna happen. I didn’t expect anything and besides we–”
“If you want to do it, I can make it happen,” she reassured her. “It’s your show, your big day. And while it’s a bit of a different vibe, it’s good. I just wanted to make sure because I’m not going to make a huge stink for nothing.”
“If it’s possible, I’d love to do it,” Sue confirmed. “But we do need to ask instruments for a guitar.”
“You didn’t bring your guitar?” Wanda raised her eyebrow at her.
“That’s a long story,” she sighed. “One that I’d rather not get into.”
“Then what’s that?” She pointed to the corner behind her. Sue turned only to see a guitar case leaning against the wall. One she had failed to notice.
“Could be a bomb,” she shrugged, now feeling quite foolish.
“Don’t joke like that,” she rubbed her temple.
“Wanda, I swear I have no idea where that came from.”
“It was on the plane with us,” she explained. “Your friend brought it with her.”
“I guess we don’t need to bother instruments then,” nothing about the situation made sense to her. Wanda must think she was having a psychotic break.
“Okay,” she shrugged. “You have a rehearsal in thirty, don’t forget.”
“You know I’m not one to forget,” she laughed. “And after that, makeup and wardrobe and on and on and…”
“And nowhere you have to be tomorrow,” she pointed out. “And if we don’t get another opportunity to talk before the show, I just wanted to remind you that I’m so very proud of you.”
“I would’ve never made it this far without you,” she moved to hug her. “Thank you so much for believing in me.”
“You’re very easy to believe in,” she embraced her with a laugh. “But break a leg tonight.”
“Thank you,” a smile crept across her face. For the first time, she really believed that she could do this. That she could get up on that stage and blow everyone away. Maybe it was because of Reed. Maybe it was because she was actually here. Something just clicked.
She found the peace that she’d been missing for quite some time. Everything made sense in this moment. This was exactly where she was supposed to be. She believed that she deserved to be here. All those doubts that plagued her didn’t matter anymore.
But what didn’t make sense was that guitar case sitting against the wall. The last few weeks might have been a blur, but she knew for a fact that wasn’t her guitar. She knew she didn’t bring a guitar with her.
Wanda said that Jen brought it but that didn’t make sense. How would she know what happened? Why would she even think to bring a guitar? How did it even get in here? She knew for a fact that Jen hadn’t managed to sneak in.
But she still went over and grabbed it. By every metric, she didn’t doubt that it was in fact a guitar. She sighed as she opened the zipper. What greeted her only made her more confused.
She knew it wasn’t her guitar. The one her parents gave her when she was eight. The one she had written every single one of her songs on. She smashed that one in a fit of rage. Something she knew she’d always regret.
What confused her is that it looked exactly like her guitar. Maybe without the exact worn spots and chipped paint. Without all the memories and history. It wasn’t the same but it was. The closest thing she could have now that she ruined the real thing.
Sitting in the case, right beneath the body was a folded piece of notebook paper. Maybe the answer to this mystery. Why Jen would bring it. How it got in here. She picked it up and hoped it would explain everything.
All it said was ‘Surprise!’ Nothing but one word in unmistakable messy handwriting. And it all made sense. Almost enough to make her cry but instead, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“So that’s what he was doing in here,” she mumbled to herself. Of course, she knew he was up to no good. He was a horrible liar but it baffled her how she never noticed the case sitting in plain sight. How he got in here was still a mystery. Maybe he roped Wanda into this crazy scheme.
She wiped a tear away from her eye. She’ll have to thank him properly tomorrow. Right now, it was overwhelming in the best way it could be. The light at the end of the tunnel. The feeling that even if everything wasn’t perfect, she was loved. Loved so much even if she thought she didn’t deserve it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only three hours until showtime. Three hours before her career was about to change forever. If she thought about it too much, she might throw up. Luckily, she was too busy to even think.
She was being pulled in twenty different directions. Hair needed her. Makeup needed her. Wardrobe needed her. She needed to be in twelve different places at once. A lot more intense than what she had to deal with every night on tour. But she was just lucky that even through all the chaos, they still gave her a small moment to collect herself.
There was something that she still needed to do. Something that she hadn’t had time to do. The letter still sat in the pocket of her coat. She wanted to thank her for inadvertently talking some sense into her but that would be a bit hard to explain. A simple response would be sufficient. She managed to bum some paper and a pen from one of the makeup artists. Not nearly as nice as her letter was but maybe that didn’t matter.
Hi Alice,
Sorry for the late response, I’ve been so busy with Dreamland. In fact, I’m writing this right before the show. I’m so happy to hear how much you love my music. I know that a lot of people only discovered me after French 75 came out but there’s always something special about hearing from fans of my debut album. I appreciate every one of my fans but the people who listened to me before it was cool have a special place in my heart. I also appreciate you keeping my whereabouts a secret, I’m not sure Reed would like a bunch of my fans showing up to his apartment. I’m not gonna lie, you made me laugh a bit when you asked what I see in him. If I can be honest, maybe there are fancier or richer or more handsome men out there. You were probably right when you said I could have anyone but sometimes anyone isn’t some big actor or gorgeous model or millionaire. Sometimes you fall in love with a kind man who has a shy smile and makes you feel calm when life seems so chaotic. Maybe some people might think I could do better but I think someone better doesn’t exist. I know all too well how expensive Dreamland is. I also begged my parents every year to take me. In fact, this is my first time at the festival despite the fact I dreamed of going for ten years at this point. I always had to settle for living vicariously through instagram posts and videos recorded on someone’s phone. Also, you can always say hi to me if you see me. I know it can be a bit intimidating to see your favorite artist just walking around in your apartment building, but I promise I don’t bite. But if you just want to write, that’s fine too. I’m sure Reed has no problem playing mailman.
So much love,
Sue
She signed the letter with a smile on her face. It would probably be a few more days until it would get to her. There wasn’t any urgency to get it written. She just wanted to make sure it did. Make sure that Alice knew how much she appreciated her. She folded it up nicely. Stored it in between the pages of a notebook that she didn’t manage to destroy.
“Sue,” someone called out as she got up from the chair. “We need to get your hair–”
“I know, I know,” she gave them a light laugh as she walked over. “You guys have my full attention again.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As it got closer, the nerves seemed to find their way back to her. Not the paralyzing, nausea-inducing ones she had come to know. It was the kind she always felt before a show. That nervous excitement that made her want to shake them out. Some people might find it weird but it worked for her.
Only a few minutes now. A few more moments before it was actually real. She didn’t have to ask if she was ready. She already heard the anticipation of the crowd. Sounding more like murmurs to her as she stood backstage.
“Three minutes,” the stage manager called out. She was already on her mark. Everything was perfect. Her hair was gorgeous. Her makeup was flawless. Her costume fit just right. The mic was ready. She gave him a thumbs up as he looked her way.
She could hear the music starting. The crowd started to shush itself. A couple of deep breaths. It was really happening. This was Dreamland. She was the headliner. Thousands upon thousands of people were out there to see her.
“You’ve been waiting for this, Sue,” she whispered to herself before the sound people turned her mic on. A few more deep breaths. A few more seconds until her cue. Until she’ll greet the crowd. Until she’ll hear the screams and cheers she’s waited to hear all her life.
“And here she is folks,” the cheesy announcer came through her ear piece. She turned around and posed as the wall behind her slowly started to lift, “the girl you’ve all been dreaming about: The one, the only, Sue Storm!”
The roar of the crowd was muffled by her earpiece. But she could feel it. She could see all the people cheering for her as she walked out onto the stage.
“What’s up, Dreamland?!” She asked as the familiar beat started to play. “Gonna start out with a little bit of a deep cut if that’s fine with everyone.”
Of course, it was a joke. She didn’t think a single soul at this festival hadn't heard this song. It was almost a guarantee that everyone who was here, watching her show, knew all the words. She didn’t even have to sing it if she didn’t want to, they’d sing it for her.
“I got a little secret, gotta promise that you’ll keep it, uh-huh,” the lyrics were second nature at this point. God, even after eight months, she wasn’t even rusty with the choreography. “Got a special way of teasin’ and the boys all want to see it, uh-huh.”
As much complaining as she always did, she knew she didn’t hate the song. She knew why it was popular. Why so many people wanted to hear it.
“And if you want to know it, then you’re gonna have to show it, uh-huh,” she waited for the crowd to scream out their own ‘uh-huh’. “Take it or leave it, but I know you want to be it, uh-huh.”
She made it to the front of the stage at this point. Nothing between her and the crowd. “And people always ask me. They say ‘Sue, how come you’re headlining Dreamland and I’m not?’ But really, the answer is simple.”
“I’m just the type of a girl that you want to find, I’ve got that type of face that you gotta see live, just one hair flip and they’re catchin’ the vibe, my lips taste like a French 75. Don’t get too close or you might find, what I got is only mine, and your boyfriend might go in for the dive, getting drunk off my French 75.”
She never realized how much she actually missed performing. Hearing so many people sing her songs back at her. It was a feeling like nothing else. The rush was completely indescribable. The absolute euphoria that overcame her as she sang. As the crowd cheered for her the second the song ended. She didn’t want to be anywhere else.
“Okay, so a few of you know that one,” she joked, taking a few seconds to breathe. “You know, I’ve been fantasizing about this moment ever since I was a teenager and now look at us.”
No matter what she asked, the crowd still screamed. Still radiated with excitement. It was all for her. Everyone was here for her. They all wanted to hear what she had to say.
Still, she found that her gaze kept drifting back towards the VIP section. Her eyes kept meeting Reed’s. Someone managed to convince him to get his face painted. If she had to bet money on it, it was probably Jen. That lacy blue heart decal that had become her brand adorned his right eye. She couldn’t help but smile every time she saw it.
But the show wasn’t about looking at Reed. She had to make sure that people got their money’s worth. A few more songs that everyone would know before she could sing one that none of them would.
Of course, that included Voyeurists. The song everyone was so excited to hear. If the way it was climbing the charts meant anything, she knew it was another hit. Just a matter of time before she had her second number one. She didn’t hate it as much as she used to. Maybe she just needed to change her perspective. Maybe she just needed to stop judging herself.
While the cheers were dying down, everyone left the stage. The band and the dancers deserved a break after all. Being up there alone made it feel just a little more intimate. Well, as intimate as it could be given the size of the crowd.
“Mind if I bring it down for a bit?” She asked as a stagehand gave her the guitar. “Going back to my roots, how many of you were there for the Youtube days?”
She rolled her eyes as half of the crowd cheered. She’d surely remember it if she got thousands of views on those songs. “Okay, so 99% of you guys are liars but that’s fine. Anyways, so many of my songs still start out with just me and my guitar, I’m sure my manager could tell you all about that.”
Looking back over to the VIP section, she saw Wanda trying not to laugh. Jen was mouthing that she was there for the Youtube days. Probably the only person who was telling the truth. Johnny had a slight smirk on his face at the sight of the guitar.
“But you know, sometimes all a song needs is a voice and a guitar,” she smiled as her eyes caught Reed’s again. “About like seven months ago, my friend basically bullied me until I agreed to go on a blind date. And the day before that date, I ran into someone and knocked him on his ass.”
She waited a second for the crowd to stop laughing at her misfortune. “I think you guys can fill in the rest. Anyways, I wrote a couple songs about him, this is one of them.”
She started to strum on her guitar. Nothing to fancy. It didn’t need to be complex. It wasn’t like her feelings were. She knew she loved him, it didn’t get more simple than that.
“I might not always know what to say, sometimes you can take those words away. I might not always know how to feel, my emotions get too raw, get too real,” she wasn’t paying attention to the crowd. As selfish as it might make her to admit it, they didn’t matter right now. If she was, maybe she might have noticed for the first time, it was quiet. “And sometimes you say things I don’t understand, and sometimes I just mess with all our plans. There are times I don’t know what to do, but some things I know to be true.”
“I know it’s hard to stand next to me, sometimes the lights make it hard to see, but then I look over and see your face, and it doesn’t matter the time or place. I know I don’t know everything, but I know that I wouldn’t change a thing, and I know this much to be true, I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t know you.”
She hadn’t broken eye contact with him. It was like the rest of the world just melted away. They were the only people left. The only people that ever mattered.
“I don’t need to know everything about love, to know I’m sticking with you push or shove, it doesn’t take a lot to understand, just one touch and you got me in your hand. And sometimes I can’t help but start a fight, and sometimes we both burn so bright, but even when I don’t know what to do, I know a few things to be true.”
“I know it’s hard to stand next to me, sometimes the lights make it hard to see, but then I look over and see your face, and it doesn’t matter the time or place. I know I don’t know everything, but I know that I wouldn’t change a thing, and I know this much to be true, I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t know you.”
“And even when it gets too tough, and I just feel like giving up, I know I can call out your name, and I won’t even think of the pain. And I know you know a lot more than me, you shine brighter than you could ever see, and when I don’t know what to do, I know that I can look at you.”
Part of her hoped it wasn’t noticeable that she was crying. That it wasn’t ruining the makeup she just spent hours getting done. She still had half a show to get through. But she didn’t care what anyone else thought right now. Not when she was looking at the only person who mattered.
“And I know I ask a lot of you, and sometimes I feel like a fool, but then you just hold my hand and it isn’t hard to understand. And I know I don’t know everything, but I never want to change a thing, ‘cause I know this much to be true, I don’t know who’d I be if I didn’t know you.”
The crowd erupted into cheers once again as her hand finally rested against her guitar. She tried to subtly wipe some tears that were threatening to paint her face. The reaction of thousands of people didn’t matter. Reed was smiling up at her. That smile she fell for all that time ago. She couldn’t help but notice his face paint had slightly smudged around his eye.
She knew that the moment would be over soon. That the dancers and the band will get the show everyone was here for started again. But she wanted to stay in this moment forever. Looking into his eyes, she understood all she needed to. She loved him. He loved her. And she wasn’t going to let anything change that.
"“Are you sure it’s safe to just walk around in there?” I asked as we looked at the rusted building behind the chainlink fence. It’s been years since anyone stepped foot inside. Well, anyone who was supposed to be there.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine as long as we watch our steps.” Puck shrugged.
“Okay but if I fall through the rusted floor and die of super tetanus, I’m haunting your ass.” I reached towards the padlock."
Heather and Puck go check out the cannery but find something useful from an unexpected source
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
A few days ago, I naively thought that my life couldn’t get any more chaotic. Looking back, I now knew I was a dumbass. Between interviews and pointless standoffs with Madison and panic that had reignited throughout the town, we were swamped. That’s not even mentioning the fact Marrina wasn’t very keen on leaving the house.
I couldn’t blame her one bit. In fact, if I saw any of her ‘family’ I knew I couldn’t stop myself from throwing at least a few punches. I’ve been getting even less sleep the past two nights and it didn’t have anything to do with those nightmares. Just mainly sitting on my bed and thinking about it.
How could I have missed it? It was happening this whole time and I was completely oblivious. So much of her life was absolute hell. Filled with abuse and shame and the strong conviction that she couldn’t tell anyone. If I had just noticed the signs, I could’ve helped her a whole lot sooner.
But I knew why she didn’t tell me. I knew why she tried everything she could to hide it from me until she couldn’t anymore. I would’ve had to report it. The fact that I haven’t reported it now could get me in some serious trouble. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that too. The only thing I had to cover my ass was the fact she didn’t explicitly say it.
Of course, if push came to shove, a good investigator would know I knew how to connect the dots. If the Smallwood’s decided to come after me, I was by most metrics fucked. I didn’t think that they were going to. Giving your daughter a black eye should be enough indication that you didn’t want them around anymore.
I knew there was a lot of shit that Marrina would rather do than go back to that house. The only things she still had was whatever she was carrying in her backpack. It wasn’t a lot besides books and homework. My own closet should work for at least a little bit. I promised her that when everything dies down a bit, I’d take her shopping to properly replace her wardrobe. When that would be, I didn’t really know.
Definitely not any time soon. No matter what Puck might insist, it was hard to imagine getting away from everything this weekend. Already Friday and so many threads to unravel. They’ve been piling up, making a long list of shit we needed to urgently look at. The idea of taking two days off right now was almost absurd.
So much could happen in the span of two days. Given that the killer was seemingly increasing their pace, who knows if there would be another body come Monday. I couldn’t just be off the clock. I couldn’t just hole myself up in the house and shut my eyes. No matter how much it might affect me in the moment, I couldn’t turn my back and pretend that the town didn’t need me. Now more than ever.
But maybe everyone else had a point. Just because I wasn’t on constant look out didn’t mean that the town was going unwatched. I had to have faith that the rest of the station was competent enough to not let anything important slip by. Did I have faith in them? That was a different issue entirely.
“Are you sure it’s safe to just walk around in there?” I asked as we looked at the rusted building behind the chainlink fence. It’s been years since anyone stepped foot inside. Well, anyone who was supposed to be there.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine as long as we watch our steps.” Puck shrugged.
“Okay but if I fall through the rusted floor and die of super tetanus, I’m haunting your ass.” I reached towards the padlock. It didn’t do much security wise. The only thing anyone really needed to get in was the ability to scale a fence or a decent pair of bolt cutters.
“Hey!” We both turned to see an older woman trying to get our attention. Quickly walking over to us with an enormous dog in tow.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. McCormick,” I turned to greet her. “Out for a walk?”
“Something like that,” she let out a slight laugh as her dog was practically pulling her towards us. “Sometimes it's like he walks me, not the other way around.”
“I can imagine,” I laughed as he went up to sniff my feet. “He’s a great dane, right?”
“Yep,” she nodded. “Got a cousin that breeds them. Real serious about it, does a bunch of shows and conventions. She’s got some great pyrenees too but they’re just too stubborn and I already get enough of that from Jim.”
“Sounds like a great bunch,” Puck joked as the dog started pawing at my leg.
“You can pet him if you want, he’s real friendly,” she assured me as I reached down to pet his head. “Too much for his own good sometimes but I’m sure no one minds.”
“What’s his name?” I asked as he leaned into the little scritches I gave him. She wasn’t lying, he seemed like an absolute sweetheart.
“Hamlet,” she answered. “My grandson suggested either that or Scooby Doo but he doesn’t look very much like him so I took the former.”
“It’s a good name,” I nodded. We were getting so far off track it was almost laughable. But I could never resist the opportunity to pet on a cute dog. Especially one that was so willing to be petted by a complete stranger.
“You know, it’s been weird,” I could tell she was starting on a tangent, “it started just about a month ago but he’s been completely terrified of the cannery. Like every time we would walk by it he’d go completely stiff and start barking like crazy which is not like him at all. I know it’s not unusual for them to be little scaredy cats but that’s not Hamlet. I mean, he never had a problem before and now I’m shocked he’s even getting this close.”
“I see…” I looked up from the dog. “And you said this started a month ago?”
“Yes, almost a week after the first murder,” she clarified. “I was sending in some of those tips about it but I know you guys are busy with everything.”
“And he’s never done anything like this before? No feuds with the mailman, no relatives that he didn’t like?”
“As long as they pet him and give him treats, he’ll love just about anybody,” she laughed. “It could be nothing for all I know but I just wanted to say something. But I guess I didn’t really need to bring it up with you guys, I know that Sheriff Jefferies already checked it out.”
“Did he?” I stopped moving my hands for a second which made Hamlet feel the need to whine. I looked over at Puck only to find him just as lost as I was.
“Yeah, on Tuesday if I remember correctly,” she smiled. “It was later at night but he stopped me while I was getting the mail and asked me a few questions. If I’ve noticed anything unusual, you know, standard questions. And he just walked off. I didn’t see him again until I was about to go to sleep, he was leaving the cannery. I found it a bit odd but no need to question it, I know you guys are doing everything you can.”
“Well, thank you for stopping to chat, Mrs. McCormick,” I said, finally standing up. “And thank you too, Hamlet.”
“I can give you my cousin’s number if you’d like,” she offered as the dog protested my attempt at leaving. “I know she’s got a litter planned for later this year, I could put in a good word too.”
“Oh, no need,” I declined the offer with a slight laugh, “I don’t have much time for a puppy right now, if you could imagine.”
“Okay, but if you ever changed your mind you know where to find me,” she called out as she started to walk back down the street. Waving goodbye to both of us as Hamlet kept looking back at us.
“Jesus Christ, that woman can talk,” I let out a sigh when I was sure she was out of earshot.
“You didn’t know that from the countless tips she sent in?” Puck laughed as I finally swung the gate open.
“It only gives you half of the impression,” I shrugged, taking the first steps towards the decrepit building. “But her dog’s cute.”
“That’s just because you like dogs more than people,” he pointed out.
“Never tried to deny it,” weeds have overtaken what was once a clear path. One that people walked every single day. That hasn’t happened for years at this point. This old building has been left to rust and rot and wash into the sea. There wasn’t anything else to do with it.
I still remember when they decided to shut it down. It was all so sudden. They didn’t even give everyone a week before a good quarter of the town learned that they were going to be out of a job. For a company that had supported this town for over fifty years, you’d think they’d give us more respect than just a cut and run.
It was hopeless. The final nail in the coffin of this dwindling town. All that was left was waiting for it to suffocate. Waiting until that last old man died and abandoned the town completely. It was only a matter of time before John’s Harbor was just a blip on the map. A ghost sitting on the edge of the ocean. Just as abandoned as this factory.
“Do you think that Madison was actually here?” I asked, lifting the overhead door to give us full access to the abandoned building. Luckily, no one ever thought to lock it.
“I don’t know why he would be,” Puck admitted, “but I also don’t know why Mrs. McCormick would think to lie about something like that.”
“It just doesn’t make sense,” I turned on the flashlight. God knows the lights hanging overhead didn’t have a prayer after five years of being subjected to the harsh elements of the ocean. “Why wouldn’t he send us to do it if he thought something was over here? Hell, why not even tell us?”
“I haven’t got a clue,” he shrugged as we tried to see our way through what was essentially a pitch black labyrinth. We had no idea what exactly we were looking for. What the baseline for this building was and what would constitute as being out of place.
“I feel like we’re in some sort of horror game,” I admitted, trying not to jump at the sound of an animal scurrying somewhere on the factory floor. A wide open space with virtually nothing in it. “Like that Freddy Fredbear guy is gonna jump out at me.”
“I don’t think that’s his name.”
“Like you would know,” I rolled my eyes, being careful to watch my steps. I already spotted a considerable number of rust spots across the floor. The last thing we needed was for either of us to take a wrong step and fall right into the ocean. That would really put a damper in this whole investigation thing.
The whole place smelled strongly of fish. Even after all this time. Maybe most of it came from the fact the cannery sat right on the water. That made more sense than the essence of those dead fish lasted all those years.
There were only a few of the assembly line machines left. Most of them were sold and scrapped for parts when the whole place closed down. I assumed it was the only way they could cut their losses. Whatever wasn’t sold was left right on the floor. Too worthless for anyone to care about it.
I tried to focus on what was in front of us. Tried to find anything that could prove that this whole trip wasn’t a waste. My mind kept going back to what Mrs. McCormick said. No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with a reason for why he'd go to the cannery.
But then again, not a lot of what he’s been doing has been making sense. The most logical explanation would be everything that’s been happening recently. It wouldn’t be ridiculous to assume that it was weighing on him too. He was just as involved with this as we were. All that pressure we felt, all those restless nights, that feeling that we were letting everyone down, it wasn’t exclusive to us.
Still, why wouldn’t he tell us? Did it just slip his mind? Was it simply a mistake or was there some other reason? Maybe Mrs. McCormick was just misremembering what happened. Maybe we had nothing to worry about at all.
My mind kept wandering back to the letters. What that lady said. I didn’t feel so inclined to believe her after the way she was talking to us, but she said that the code was solved weeks ago. And what was more believable; that they were keeping it from us or that Madison was hiding something?
Neither of those made much sense. Maybe all it was just a miscommunication. An extremely fucked one, but a mistake nonetheless. No need to assume malintent. But pairing up the missing letters and the account that he was here a few days ago, something smelt fishy.
“If this smell doesn’t get better soon, I might just throw up,” I warned Puck as we pushed open another door. Another empty room. Abandoned and disregarded. This whole thing was starting to feel quite useless. We didn’t really have anything to go off of. Just a hunch.
Well, more than a hunch. We were just following the evidence. Looking into something we should’ve looked into when those tins of fish showed up on my doorstep. It was obvious that the killer was trying to lead us here. But if the killer was gunning on that strategy, they’d be prepared for when we did come.
Was this whole thing a trap? If they expected us then why wouldn’t they cover their tracks? Why would they lead us here in the first place? If I had to guess, probably for the same reasons they sent those letters. The reason they were doing any of this was because they had something to say. Something to prove.
The problem was that I didn’t know what that something could possibly be. What would drive someone to do this? Jealousy? Hatred? Rage? Pure Boredom? Did they simply want to fuck with us or was there some complex motive that I just couldn’t put my finger on? Was there something Madison saw that I just couldn’t?
“Well, if there was anyone here, they cleared out,” Puck sighed, shining the flashlight in every corner we could see.
“If Madison showed up a few days ago, I don’t know why they wouldn’t,” I shrugged. It was always going to be a bust, I suppose. We were set up for failure, we just didn’t know it when we left this morning. “Came looking for answers and only found more questions.”
“Seems to be a theme of this whole investigation,” he pointed out as we started to make our way out of the cannery.
“Are we in over our heads?” I asked the question that had been on my mind for the past few days now.
“You need to forget about that lady,” he shook his head. “We’re doing just as good as anybody.”
“But when does ‘just as good’ become not good enough?” If I took a deep breath, I knew I’d get a nose full of that putrid smell. “We make a mistake, we miss something and more people will die.”
“If you keep thinking like that, we’ll never solve this,” we finally stepped back out into the sunlight that seemed blinding. Whatever he said wouldn’t change my feelings. That sinking pit that said we were being toyed with. No matter what anyone said, I knew that I was letting everyone down. Staring at a puzzle and not knowing where to put any of the pieces. I didn’t know. I wasn’t the best person for the job. People were dying because of it.
“This is just unthinkable,” I tried not to look away. As hard as it was, we had to be here. We had to look at what was done to her. If we were going to understand it at all, we couldn’t just close our eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist.
“I know it’s a distressing sight but,” Michael let out a heavy sigh as he pulled that thin sheet down, exposing more of the body.
“It’s important, I know,”
Heather and Puck drive to Westpoint but a couple of unexpected visitors make a hard meeting almost impossible
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
“Did you even get any sleep last night?” Puck asked about half way through the trip.
“What are you, my doctor?” I rolled my eyes. If he had any real concern he would’ve voiced it fifteen minutes ago. “I’m not doing that bad, okay?”
“Okay, but if we end up flipped over on the side of the road, I might just have to say I told you so,” he joked. I knew he was just trying to piss me off, I haven’t even so much as swerved this entire trip.
“If you’re so concerned I’m going to crash and kill both of us, why don’t you take the wheel? Oh wait…” I flashed him an exaggerated frown which only made him laugh. “Better get used to it because your only options are me or the bus.”
“But seriously, how much sleep did you get last night?”
“Do you think I just have a timer running?” I laughed. I knew I shouldn’t but I hated concern. I didn’t need people treating me like a child because I was going through a pretty understandable rough patch. No matter how well intentioned it was, it did nothing but piss me off. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t fine.”
“I wasn’t aware that we had an option on whether or not we could be here,” he joked.
“I’m sure Madison could replace at least one of us for a day,” I sighed. “Wouldn’t want to be the person who had to work with him but he could.”
“I don’t think I could forgive you for that,” he laughed, turning his gaze to the window. Looking at the trees that surrounded the highway. I remembered when I first came here, in awe of the forests that seemed to never end. Now, there wasn’t anything beautiful or breathtaking about this land. The trees and the ocean were just expected. I guess I forgot that charm after a while.
“I know that shits rough but he’s been acting worse than usual lately,” I tried to look straight ahead of me. Keep my eyes on the road. “I don’t know how much more of his bullshit I can take.”
“Hopefully it will all go back to normal after this is over,” he agreed, leaning on the side of the door. “God knows we all need a good long break.”
“I don’t even care if it ‘goes back to normal,’ I just want him to stop acting like we’re not doing our jobs or something,” I shrugged. “The last thing that’s going to help is him constantly yelling at us.”
“What’s really gonna help is if we ever get those letters solved,” he pointed out.
“Preachin’ to the choir,” only a few minutes until we got into Westpoint. A couple more miles before we reached the hospital and had to hear about everything that happened to that poor girl. “I don’t really know shit but surely it can’t be that hard.”
“Maybe we’re just dealing with some turbo genius,” he joked as the radio started to get clearer the closer we got to town.
~~✧~~✧~~✧~~
I was lucky that I remembered to keep my coat on when we walked into the hospital. After a few times, you don’t forget how cold the morgue is. No matter how much I prepared for trips like this, it never got easier. I didn’t know how Michael could do this every day. Look at bodies, examine them, write reports that boiled entire lives down to how they ended.
I couldn’t do it. There was a certain level of attachment to these sorts of things that would destroy me if given the time. Maybe I was overly empathetic. I let too much of this get to me. Hell, I was letting it ruin my health. At this point it was hard not to think that I had chosen the wrong career path.
It wasn’t like I wasn’t tough. Everyone who knew me knew I wasn’t the type to take bullshit. On paper, this was the perfect job for me. I wasn’t going to lie and say I wasn’t good at it either. It’s just that when I was applying to those schools and filling out those applications, I didn’t picture this.
No one really thinks about that one in a million event. That situation everyone tells us to think about. When it’s just hypothetical, it’s easy to say you can handle it. When you’re in the morgue, staring down at the mutilated body of a teenage girl, it’s a whole different ballpark.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. Everything we knew about the killer so far wouldn’t lead towards this. Well, we didn’t know much about the killer. Maybe all of this was just some sick intimidation tactic to them. Maybe the body we were staring at was just the same as the letters to them. Not a life, not a person that would be missed, not a death that ruined a countless number of lives, just a message.
“This is just unthinkable,” I tried not to look away. As hard as it was, we had to be here. We had to look at what was done to her. If we were going to understand it at all, we couldn’t just close our eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist.
“I know it’s a distressing sight but,” Michael let out a heavy sigh as he pulled that thin sheet down, exposing more of the body.
“It’s important, I know,” I rubbed my temple before looking back down at the headless body. Still as grotesque as it was two days ago. Crazy how a simple 48 hours could feel like an eternity.
“Well to address the most glaring issue,” He cleared his throat before continuing, “the decapitation most likely occurred after she was already deceased. The cut itself is clean, there’s no sign of a struggle. If I had to guess, the killer used the same type of machine they used to cut off Amber Hawthorne’s finger.”
“Do we have a cause of death?” Puck asked.
“It’s not as simple as that,” he shook his head, pointing out the countless other cuts and bruises visible on her body. “It’s clear that there are multiple injuries inflicted on her but there is no way to point at a single one or even a cluster of them and say that that was the one that killed her. The best we can say is either blood loss or trauma to the body.”
“And her head?”
“No injuries sustained to her head besides the decapitation which we already discussed,” he started to explain, moving the sheet to cover her body once more. “No sign of blunt force trauma, no cuts or bruises that are present, no signs of hair being ripped out, from what we can see it was completely untouched.”
“You said something about machinery?” I asked, trying to jot down everything he was saying. I knew we’d get all of this information in the report later but it was better than just standing around doing nothing.
“Yes, the appearance of the incision gives me reason to think that it was made by something with a sharp blade able to produce a large amount of force. What exactly made it, I don’t know. If I had to guess, I’d imagine that type of machine would be commonly found in meat production facilities.”
“So, we should look into the cannery?” I’m surprised we hadn’t looked into it sooner. I guess by the time we realized how serious this was we hadn't had time to really go and try to find something. It seemed like a ridiculous oversight now.
“Well, I’m not going to tell you how to do your job,” Michael shrugged as the door of the exam room burst open. A couple of people with sleek clothes and evident attitude issues waltzed their way in with little regard for what we were in the middle of. By his immediate instinct to take a deep breath, it was clear that at least he had an idea of who they were.
“Sorry for the late arrival, we were in the middle of a case in Vancouver when we got the call on Monday,” the lady started to explain, setting her briefcase down on a stool. “Poisoning, you don’t see that as often these days.”
“I know, I was told,” he said as she walked right up to the table, completely ignoring the both of us.
“Herbs too, what is this, the nineteenth century?” She joked as her partner was digging through his own briefcase. It left a bad taste in my mouth, not to mention everything else about them was pissing me off.
“I’m sorry, but who are you?” I stepped up into her direct line of sight.
“Dr. Eisner,” she answered, pulling the sheet back down, “the lead forensic investigator on the case, in case you don’t read your emails thoroughly.”
“Okay, but what makes you think–”
“And that’s Dr. Engles-Croft,” she interrupted me, pointing to the man who was still crowded against the wall. “We’d usually have some more on deck, but again, super busy.”
“Well, thank you for sacrificing your extremely precious time,” I rolled my eyes, closing the notepad.
“Our time is very precious,” she responded to my sarcasm with a fake smile, “because unlike you, we have dozens of cases across the whole province that take our attention.”
“And are you this rude with everyone?” I crossed my arms as she threw me a heavy sigh.
“I’m not rude, I’m direct,” she answered. “Sorry that we can’t afford to chit chat with every single small town cop that’s in over their head, you’re just one of many we deal with every single week.”
“But our time is so unimportant that you can just barge in, interrupting any conversation we were having, and push us out?” I argued. “In case you didn’t know, we’re in charge of this investigation.”
“Oh, please, I’m fully aware of the fact you’re in charge of this investigation, Detective McNeil,” I was starting to hate this bitch as she turned her full attention towards us. “I just have nothing to say to you or your partner that can’t be written in a report or sent by email so by that metric, you are doing nothing but wasting our time.”
“Excuse me?” If I had a little less self control, I knew I would’ve socked her in the face. “You’ve done nothing but disrespect all of us, including the girl on the table but you have the gall to accuse us of wasting your time?”
“Oh my god, did someone die? I had no idea,” she feigned shock, clearly mocking me. “I know this might be a new thing for you. Before all this happened you probably spent your days concerned about someone stealing a candy bar from the gas station, but this is my career, sweetheart. We’ve been trying to send our own investigators to take over this case since January but–”
“What the hell are you even talking about?”
“Your very own Sheriff Dearest is very confident in your ability to solve this all on your own,” she continued on her rant. “And what a great job you guys have been doing! Why send anyone who’s been trained specifically in serial killer investigation when we have you guys? I mean, you guys must be just on the cusp and there’s only been three victims so far.”
“EJ, that’s enough,” her partner finally spoke up.
“I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re messing with but I guarantee that I’m not going to take any shit from you,” I got up in her face as she continued to roll her eyes at me. “We’ve been up to our necks with this and you try to barge your way in and criticize everything we’ve done. Not to mention the fact that you’ve done nothing but disrespect the teenage girl that was brutally murdered and act like you guys could’ve solved this a month ago despite the fact you haven’t even solved the killer’s letters yet so I’d think twice before–”
“The code crackers solve those stupid fucking letters a week after the first one was sent,” She bit back with a heavy sigh. “A middle schooler could’ve solved it.”
“So, what? You just solved it and didn’t think to tell us?” I couldn’t tell if she was just trying to piss me off. Lying about this wouldn’t make any sense but the other option made less sense.
“Oh my god, do you think we’re just as incompetent as you guys are?”
“If the letters were solved at the beginning of the month, I think I’d fucking know about it.” I crossed my arms and shrugged.
“Did you check your spam folder?” She matched my gesture with that obnoxious smirk on her face.
“I’m getting tired of you accusing me of–”
“If you guys are going to keep fighting, please take it out into the hall,” Michael interrupted our argument.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” I took a deep breath and a step back. As much as I didn’t like admitting it, I was acting just as immature as she was. Yelling, cussing, and disrespecting the space. Disrespecting everyone else in the room in favor of bitching at someone I’d most likely never see again. “We should be heading back to the station now.”
“You should,” she responded with what I assumed was a signature snark. I didn’t have anything else to say so I just walked past her towards the door. Puck followed close behind me.
All I wanted to do was get out of there. Go back to a place where I wasn’t constantly questioned about whether or not I was able to do my job. Hauled ass right down the hall with more anger than I really had the right to express in that moment.
“Hey!” A voice called out to us just as I was about to turn into the next hall. I turned on my heels to see that her partner was chasing after us. “Sorry about Dr. Eisner, she’s not the most personable…”
“That’s one way to put it,” Puck let out a hollow laugh.
“You don’t need to apologize for her behavior,” I gave him some halfhearted reassurance before turning back, still determined to leave the hospital as quickly as we could.
“I messaged someone back in Vancouver telling them to send the letter reports again,” he explained. “They said they sent them to the station but clearly, there was a gap in the communication line but they’ll show up in your own email this time.”
“Thank you,” I responded before continuing on our original path. No need to waste anymore of anyone’s precious, precious time.
~~✧~~✧~~✧~~
I was still pissed. During the drive back to the station. During the rest of the work day. All the interviews we did were tainted by the memory of that bitch. As much as I tried to push it down, tried to say that it didn’t matter, I couldn’t make myself believe it.
She burrowed deep inside of me. Her words hooked themselves under my skin, crawling deeper than I should let them. Maybe it was just because I knew she was right. We weren’t the best people for this case. Not by a longshot. If we had more help with this maybe no one else could’ve died. We could’ve nipped it in the bud, no one would have to know what this person was truly capable of.
But we didn’t have any help. According to her, Madison was the reason why all of this fell on us. I didn’t know if I believed that. What reason would he have to hold us back? Why would he risk it? To prove some sort of unfounded faith in us? For his own ego? No need for any bigger entities to get involved, we could clearly do this all ourselves.
But the real reason I thought she was bullshitting me was the way she claimed those letters had been solved for just about half a month. If it was true, then there could’ve been a chance that this whole thing wouldn’t have happened. Rose would’ve still been alive. The terror would’ve ended. I could’ve gotten a good night’s sleep fifteen days ago. Everything would’ve gone back to normal.
It was wishful thinking. I know it wouldn’t ever be that easy. If the killer was openly giving us the letters, the chances are that they wouldn’t give themself away in them. They were most likely nothing more than taunts. Still, it didn’t make sense why neither of us knew about it.
This wasn’t something that Madison would keep from us. The idea of him withholding what could turn out to be crucial evidence was absurd. Even with as crabby as he’s been lately, interfering with the investigation and potentially letting another girl die wasn’t something he’d do.
Maybe all it was was a gap in communication. A mistyped email address. Something that just slipped someone’s mind. A colossal fuck up, sure, but nothing malicious. Maybe it did get to us but it was so unremarkable that we both forgot about it.
But I had to stop thinking about it. I was home for the night. I wasn’t going to let anymore of these worries follow me through the door. A couple of deep breaths. It could wait until tomorrow. The last thing I needed was another problem adding weight on my shoulders when I wasn’t even getting paid for it.
But I wasn’t going to find any peace as I stepped out of the truck. Might be the last thing I’d find as I looked at the flower bed in my front yard only to see that little dog statue turned over. Turned over with the slider on the bottom open.
“Forgot about that fucking key,” I groaned as I slowly made my way to the door. A stupid mistake considering there was a serial killer who knew where I lived. I should’ve thought about it months ago. But I didn’t.
I kept my hand on my gun while I walked up the steps. Didn’t dare to move it as I reached for the door knob. Unlocked. Even more reason for the hairs to stand up on the back of my neck.
Every instinct was telling me that I was walking into a trap. That whoever snuck in was still inside the house. Just waiting for me to drop my guard. But I didn’t see anything different. Not a single thing was out of place. But I knew I didn’t leave the door unlocked. I knew I wasn’t messing with the spare key this morning. I knew I wasn’t careless enough to expose exactly where it was.
I tried to wrap my head around it. No one else knew where the spare key was but I’m sure if someone was dedicated to getting in, they could easily find it. But if they wanted to surprise me, if they wanted to catch me off guard, they would’ve hidden the key again. They would’ve locked the door.
Whoever came in didn’t care about me knowing it. Whoever came in wasn’t too concerned about anyone following them either. As I walked further and further into my house, the pieces started to fall into place. Only when I walked past the guest bedroom door, did I find the answer I needed.
“Marrina, what’s going on?” I quickly moved my hand off my gun. She wasn’t a threat. From what I could tell, she was just crying in the dark.
“I’m sorry,” she managed to sob out, still keeping her knees right up against her chest. “I know I shouldn’t be here, I tried as hard as I could you have to believe me–”
“Don’t apologize to me,” I sat down on the foot of her bed. The last thing I wanted to do was crowd and overwhelm her.
“I’m not trying to get you in trouble or anything,” she ignored my attempt at reassurance to continue with her apologies, “and I know that it’s not safe here but I can’t stay there anymore. I can’t go back to the house and I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Please, just tell me what happened,” I reached out to her with no expectation that she’d take it. She lifted up her head to look at me and only then did I realize this was in no way teenage dramatics. “Oh, sweetheart…”
“I told them about everything and…” she gestured around her as I got a good look at her face. A split lip and an ugly black eye. It wasn’t hard to fill in the gaps of what she didn’t want to say. “I knew that they wouldn’t take it well but he just punched me right in the face and I didn’t know what else to do.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Dan,” she admitted through the sob she couldn’t help but let out. “I umm… I promised Charlotte that I’d tell them before, y’know, before she died but I never could because I knew they wouldn’t believe me and I guess I was right because just look what happened. I mean, what was I expecting? I knew this would–”
“Slow down, Marrina,” I moved next to her. “What do you mean you told them about Dan?”
“I mean I…” She tried to take a deep breath, still not letting go of her knees. “I told them about everything. About all those nights he’d sneak into my room. All those things that he’d say to me when neither of them were listening. Everything that he’s been doing to me that they’ve just been ignoring but now I realize that they just didn’t care.”
“You don’t mean…” I trailed off only to see her nod. Confirming what we were both too scared to say. “You should’ve told me.”
“I couldn’t have told you,” she denied, wiping a tear from her eye.
“Of course, you could have. If I knew what was happening, I never would’ve let you stay there. I could’ve–”
“You would’ve filed a report,” she interrupted me. “You would’ve opened a case and tried to do everything you could to get me out of there but it wouldn’t have worked.”
“What do you mean it wouldn’t have worked?” I asked, putting my hand on her back. A feeble attempt to comfort her, I know.
“Because it would be my word against theirs!” She made no attempt to control her volume. “It would be the respected family with their son with a bright future against the ungrateful brat they so graciously let into their home. It would’ve been three people against an attention seeking teenager. It wouldn’t matter if it was the truth, it wouldn’t matter if you believed me because no one else would. And then what? I’d have to go back there and shit would be a thousand times worse.”
No matter what I wanted to believe, I knew she was right. As optimistic as I wanted to be, it didn’t change the truth. To everyone else in this town, Marrina didn’t belong. To the Smallwood’s she was little more than an ornament to their egos. Not their child, just something people would tell them how selfless they were for caring for.
As much as I cared, I couldn’t force everyone to feel the same way. I couldn’t convince everyone to turn against them despite what I knew was right. All I could do was hold her. Tell her that I’d never make her go back no matter how many issues it could bring me. Promise her that even if no one else believed her, I did. I did and nothing they could say would change my mind.
“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up,” I offered. Her lip was still stained with blood. Her eye was looking worse as the time went on. “And I’m sure you must be starving too.”
“You don’t need to,” she reached out as I started to move off the bed. “I’ll be fine, Heather, I promise. I just needed to get away from them.”
“As long as you’re here, you don’t have to be fine,” I stated as plainly as I could. I knew she didn’t believe me but that didn’t matter. If I kept saying it, maybe someday she’d believe it.
"Sitting right next to him, whatever Johnny was doing didn’t matter. She couldn’t get caught up on it. “But I wanted to talk to you. Like actually talk about everything.”
“Sue, you don’t need to,” he reassured her. “I’m fine. I understand everything, I’m not mad.”
“But I’m not, Reed,” she sighed."
A free morning means Sue has to swallow her pride and talk to Reed.
Tags: Mental health issues, Themes of Depression, Pop Star Au, Famous Sue Storm, Developing Relationship, Romance, Drama, Relationship Drama, Eventual Smut, Musicians, Music, Shitty Lyrics Sprinkled Throughout (Do Not Mention Them), Past Sue Storm/Namor, Sue Storm Needs A Hug, No Beta We Die Like My Ability To Do Anything But Write
Ao3 Official playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
Sue knew that the whole weekend would be nothing but organized chaos. A lot of last minute tweaks, rehearsals, and of course, making small talk with everyone. Historically, her favorite thing to do.
But it was too early to worry about everything. She had at least an hour before people started bothering her. An hour just to herself. Well, to herself and Reed.
“And this is just for the staff?” He asked as they made their way down the buffet table.
“Yep,” Sue confirmed, grabbing a piece of sausage. “And we should be grateful because god knows I wouldn’t pay fifty dollars for a damn waffle.”
“You’re exaggerating,” he shook his head.
“I can show you later,” she defended herself. “Welcome to festivals, they charge whatever they want for food.”
“Do people actually pay for it?”
“If they’re stupid enough to not bring their own food,” Sue shrugged as she finished filling her plate. “But as long as you’re with me, we both eat for free.”
“How did I ever get so lucky?” He smiled, putting his arm around her waist as they started to walk back to her trailer. Thank god she was free this morning. There was a lot of lost time she needed to make up for.
“No clue,” she joked, leaning into him. She was trying not to feel guilty. As much as he could say that he wasn’t mad about everything, it didn’t change the fact that she hurt him. They both knew that. And she knew that she needed to talk about it.
But they’ll have privacy. At least an hour before anyone could think about bothering her. Well, an hour before she’d be bothered by anyone on her team.
“Good morning, Sue.” Johnny greeted her the second she opened the door. He was too cheerful. After eighteen years of knowing him, she knew that could only mean one thing.
“Who let you in?” She asked, looking around to see if anything was overtly out of place.
“It was open,” he shrugged. They both knew damn well that was a lie.
“Johnny…” She warned as he crossed his legs on the couch.
“What? Can I not hang out with my sister?” He tried to deflect. It wasn’t going to work. Nothing he could say was going to convince her that he wasn’t up to no good.
“And where’s Wyatt?” She asked. “Did you leave him alone with Jen?”
“He’s fine,” Johnny rolled his eyes. “I just wanted to say good luck on your performance.”
“My performance? The one that isn’t until tomorrow night?” She raised her eyebrow at him. The longer he was drawing this out, the colder her breakfast was getting.
“I was just bored,” he tried to make another excuse.
“Oh my god, just get some breakfast or something,” she groaned. “Clint Navigator and the Chudleys are literally playing today, I’m sure you’ll survive.”
“Not until five,” he defended himself. “What am I supposed to do until then?”
“Johnny,” she paused for a second and took a deep breath, “please leave.”
“Okay, okay,” he admitted defeat as he got up from the couch. “I’ll leave you guys to do whatever.”
“Thank you,” she sighed, waiting for him to close the door behind him before turning to Reed. “Still don’t know how he got in here.”
“One of life's great mysteries.” He shook his head as he sat down on the couch. She made sure that the door was locked this time. If she was going to do this, actually do this, she couldn’t have any more interruptions.
“I could’ve sworn I locked it,” she shook her head. Sitting right next to him, whatever Johnny was doing didn’t matter. She couldn’t get caught up on it. “But I wanted to talk to you. Like actually talk about everything.”
“Sue, you don’t need to,” he reassured her. “I’m fine. I understand everything, I’m not mad.”
“But I’m not, Reed,” she sighed. “I’m sorry for everything. For losing it and yelling at you. For ignoring you for so long. For coming to your apartment out of the blue and asking you to just forgive everything and come with me. I was selfish and cruel and you don’t have to be fine about it.”
“I’m not lying or trying to spare your feelings,” he explained. “I thought you were mad at me. I thought that I ruined everything and I–”
“You shouldn’t have,” she interrupted him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I should’ve told you about the folder and I don’t know why I didn’t. I had no reason to react the way I did. You shouldn’t have to accept that kind of behavior from me.”
“I’m not going to blame you for it,” Reed grabbed ahold of her hand as tears started to fall down her face. “If the same thing happened to me, I’d be upset about it. I don’t think you were overreacting or anything. I’m just glad that you came back.”
“No, Reed, please,” Sue took a deep breath as he gave her hand a light squeeze. “It doesn’t matter whether or not I was justified. I shouldn’t have treated you like that over a mistake. I don’t even know why I did because you matter so much to me. I love you so much and I still hurt you. I know I did.”
“I hurt you too,” he was still trying to explain. Trying to dissolve all the guilt she was feeling. It wasn’t that easy, “and knowing that hurt me a lot more than you not picking up the phone. If anything, I was mad at myself. The last thing I wanted was to lose you. I wasn’t upset because you didn’t talk to me, I was upset that I couldn’t just fix everything.”
“But that’s the problem,” she wiped a tear that was falling down on her cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, Reed. I’m the only person who’s responsible for my outbursts. I can’t let you take the blame when everything stems from my own actions. It’s not your fault, you don’t have to ‘fix’ this. I should be the one asking for your forgiveness. I don’t get to treat you like I did. You shouldn’t have to accept that.”
“Sue, please,” he tried to get her to look at him. She was doing everything she could to just look at her lap. Too ashamed to try and face him. She didn’t deserve his grace. She didn’t deserve his understanding. He’s so good to her and she made him believe that he ruined everything. She never deserved him.
“And I know that I ask a lot of you,” she continued. “I know that there’s a lot of things I ask you to just ignore because it’s easier than just talking about it. And you don’t deserve that either. You shouldn’t have to be fine with everything because I can’t open up and be honest. But I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to hurt as much as I did.”
“Please, will you just listen to me?” He begged her to stop her rambling. To just take a second and calm down. “I knew what I was signing up for. I know that what we have isn’t the easiest thing in the world but I make the choice to stay every single day. You don’t have to apologize, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I don’t want you to beat yourself up over it.”
“No, I do have to,” she insisted. “You deserve an apology and an explanation. You’re worth that much and don’t try to deny that. You shouldn’t accept this from anyone, I’m not going to let you.”
“You don’t have to apologize for the things you can’t control,” he clarified. “I didn’t come into this expecting you to be perfect. I knew there were always going to be bumps and rough patches but I also knew that they would be worth it for you.”
She didn’t say anything in response. She didn’t have any rebuttal for his kindness. For the understanding and forgiveness she had no reason to think she deserved. She had every reason to think that she ruined everything. Every reason to blame herself and he didn’t buy any of them. Whether it was out of a lack of self respect or genuine love for her, it didn’t make the guilt go away.
Maybe she just expected Namor. The screaming and fighting and cursing each other felt natural. Like being berated was the consequence for making a mistake. That the guilt could only be expunged if he yelled at her and she begged for his forgiveness.
But Reed wasn’t Namor. They weren’t alike in the slightest. Reed didn’t treat her like an accessory to his ego. Like the pop star girlfriend he could brag about. He wasn’t embarrassed if she wasn’t perfectly composed all the time. She couldn’t remember a time when her tears were met with kindness when it came to Namor. When he comforted her. When he didn’t treat her like a burden.
“You know, before I met you I was about ready to give up,” he admitted as she leaned into him. “On dating, I mean. I wasn’t suicidal or anything.”
“I knew what you meant,” she laughed.
“But I’m being serious,” he put his arm around her. “I’ve never really been much of a people person. For a lot of my life, it’s been hard for me to build relationships with people. And I had just been through so many bad dates, part of me accepted the fact that it wasn’t going to happen. That being alone was better than the disappointment.”
She squeezed his hand as he continued. Letting him know that she was listening. That what he was saying mattered more than anything else to her.
“Ben always tried to encourage me. Tried to set me up with anyone he could. To the point that it was a weekly occurrence,” he laughed as he recounted it. “I had told him to stop multiple times and he just kept insisting that this would be the one. That if it didn’t work out then he’d never bother me about it again despite the fact he’d said that three dates ago. It was easier to just agree to do it.”
“Oh please, Jen didn’t let me say no either,” she nuzzled into him. “I kept saying that I wasn’t ready for another relationship and that I was far too busy to worry about a boyfriend but she kept insisting.”
“How did we both manage to find such pushy friends?” He stroked her hair. “But he tried to get me excited about it. Told me that you were the most beautiful woman I would ever see. That you were smart and funny and we’d instantly get along. I’d just roll my eyes every time he brought it up.”
“She just told me that you looked like Bruce Springsteen and had a job,” she admitted.
“Well, coming from Jen, that’s high praise.” He pointed out. “If I could be honest, I was dreading it. I didn’t have any reason to believe it wouldn’t be like every other date. But then the day before–”
“When I plowed into you?”
“When you so rudely ran me over,” Reed joked, “I remember looking up at your face and just being blown away. Like it didn’t even matter that all the worksheets were scattered across the floor and I was going to be late. I just wanted to talk to you. I just wanted to stay in that hall with you.”
“See, I wanted to get out of that situation as soon as possible,” she hid her face on his chest.
“I could tell,” he laughed, “but then you gave Johnny his laptop and left so soon after. And it might have been a bit selfish but I wished that he’d forget it again, just so I could talk to you.”
She couldn’t help but let a few more tears leave her eyes. It was getting to her in the best way it could.
“And when the date came and I was waiting, I saw you walking in the hall and I didn’t even think it was you. I just thought that I’d be so lucky if she was anything like you.”
“And I was in the bathroom having a panic attack because I knew it was you,” she laughed.
“Ouch,” he dramatically clutched at his heart. “You wound me, Sue.”
“It wasn’t anything about you,” she clarified, turning to look at him. “Jen just advertised it as a date with someone who didn’t know who I was and I just embarrassed myself in front of you the day before.”
“You didn’t embarrass yourself,” he denied.
“No, I one hundred percent did,” she insisted. “But I felt something that day. That as much as I said I didn’t want a relationship, I wanted you. I hadn’t felt real for a while. Like, I had to be Sue Storm all the time. Everyone expected me to be perfect. Everyone wanted a posed product, but when I’m with you, I don’t have to pretend. I can just be human. And I’m so grateful for that, Reed.”
“I feel the same way,” he agreed. “I’ve always felt that if I showed anyone who I really was, they wouldn’t like me. That I always needed to put on a mask but with you I don’t. And I love you just the way you are, Sue. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, and I mean that.”
“I love you so much.” She kissed him for emphasis. “I can’t imagine loving anyone else. I’m so happy you’re here with me.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he kissed her back. His sweet and soft kiss. It felt so perfect. Sue never wanted to leave this moment. But, of course, she couldn’t forget why they were here.
“Ugh,” she groaned as they were interrupted by a knock on her trailer door.
“Is that my cue to get lost?” He laughed as she got up.
“I wish that you could stay,” she rolled her eyes, “but, I’m pretty sure I’ve caused enough problems this weekend.”
“I’ll be fine,” he reassured her with a hug. “I’m sure Jen will find a thousand little ways to torture me.”
“She’ll just ask you to take a hundred photos of her.” She laughed. “But I’ll see you when they let me go. Also I promised Johnny we’d all get VIP passes for Clint Navigator and the Chudleys so…”
“Are we looking forward to that?”
“No we are not,” she laughed as she went to unlock the door. As much as she didn’t want to be separated from him, she couldn’t forget she was there for a reason. It wasn’t permanent after all. Just a few hours and she’ll be back in his arms. Back in the embrace of someone she loved more than anything.
"The attempt was in vain. Just as my teeth crunched down on the hard bread, I felt the phone vibrate on the table. I didn’t have to check the contact, I knew who it was. I didn’t even have to answer, I knew what it was about."
After a rough weekend, Heather has to deal with an even worse Monday
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
I got just about as much sleep as I expected to. Meaning I didn’t get any. I wasn’t sure when all this was going to fix itself. When I could finally go to sleep and not expect to be woken up by these frequent nightmares. Deep inside, I knew the answer. They won’t stop until it’s over. When that would be, I wasn’t sure.
My only option was medicating with caffeine. Any way I could get it. It wasn't a replacement for sleep, I know. Probably gave Puck more reason to be concerned about my health. Hell, I was starting to be concerned too, but I needed to stay on my feet. I needed to be aware and alert. I needed to be ready at any given moment.
I could get a call at two am, I could get a call at ten pm. At this point, it felt like we were waiting for the body to be found. Like we have just given up any hope of saving her. It was sad to think about it like that but the most likely scenario was that she was already dead. Charlotte was found not even twelve hours after she disappeared. Amber was missing for a good week before I got that package of tinned fish. Even now we couldn’t confirm her death.
I spent most of yesterday just staring at my phone, waiting. Puck told me his threat was still active. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand his perspective, I just thought it was a bullshit one. I wasn’t getting any rest. I wasn’t getting any time away from the case. If anything, my mind was just getting more and more clouded.
Denying it was no use, this case was destroying me. I was deteriorating from the inside out. Not only losing enough sleep to induce psychosis but also I lost the majority of my appetite over the past few weeks. If this went on much longer, I knew that I’d waste away completely.
Being conscious of it didn’t change it. Everyone being concerned about me didn’t change it. No matter how many times they’d remind me to take care of myself, I just couldn’t. I could only put on an act that I was trying. Well, I was trying but by almost all metrics I was failing.
I’d be surprised if I came out of this unscathed. I knew this was the type of thing I’d think about until the day I’d die. Of course, I knew that this type of thing happens when I decided on my career path. What I didn’t realize was just how hard it was to watch the town I’ve spent eight years in crumble away. When all was said and done, I’m not sure that the foundation would even remain.
This shit changes people. It changes entire communities. Makes people turn on each other. Makes people afraid to talk to their neighbors. As sad as it was, this town was never going to be the same. Never regain that charm, however slight, that it once had. And we couldn’t blame anyone, the more girls that got killed the harder it would be to live here.
Why was I acting like I ever held some deep love for this town? I never cared for it before. The only reason I ever moved here in the first place was because it was available. John’s Harbor was a place of convenience. The shitty weather and rude locals were a tradeoff. It was either live with my parents or be fine with this place.
Just over a month ago I didn’t give a shit if it fell into the sea. Now, I was almost to the point of tears thinking about how many people were already making plans to abandon it. How many faces I’d never see in the grocery store again. All the nights that the town would be practically abandoned. Maybe now I understood how all those sentimental people felt when the cannery closed down.
I just wanted it to be over. I knew that sentiment didn’t mean shit, everyone wanted it to be over. However stupid it sounded, it was the only thing going through my mind as I looked at the egg in the pan. Just a single egg was all I could stomach. A simple piece of toast and an apple. Such a sad attempt at breakfast. It was going to go in and empty itself out in the matter of an hour. I’d still be hungry all day. But some food was better than none at all.
No one needed to know how bad it had gotten. They were already concerned about me, I didn’t need to volunteer more information. The last thing I needed was to be chastised about the small effort I was making. Knowing me, one little comment would be enough for me to swear off food for the next few days. I was too stubborn for my own good.
Part of me was still embarrassed about what went down on Saturday. When I practically collapsed on the floor sobbing in front of Wanda because the cookies didn’t turn out. It was a ridiculous thing to cry about. I wasn’t an emotional person. Wasn’t quick to tears and yet, there I was, making a fool of myself.
I knew that she didn’t judge me for it. That didn’t mean I didn’t judge myself. I didn’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. She shouldn’t feel the need to comfort me like I couldn’t handle this. I wasn’t a child, this wasn’t baby’s first difficult case. I didn’t need to make her think I was hysterical over a failed attempt at some cookies.
No matter how many times she tried to reassure me that she didn’t think that, I couldn’t change the feeling. Her actions couldn’t change my mind, I already decided I was over dramatic. The last time I remember crying like that was when my dog died when I was ten. Ran over by that one neighbor I always hated.
My parents obviously didn’t feel the same way I did. Told me that if I was going to be a baby I could just go to my room. I didn’t leave my room for a good three days after that. Not to eat, not to drink water, not to go to the bathroom. I frankly didn’t care if I died in that room. If I died, then I’d be with Prince again.
I sighed as I looked at the scrambled egg in the pan. It was on the worse side of burnt. Maybe if I just got a grip, I could’ve had an enjoyable breakfast. Now I had to deal with a shitty egg that reflected my attitude as of recent. I didn’t really deserve anything else.
It was a loss I had to take unfortunately. Shuffling it on to my plate with zero emotion displayed on my face. I was too tired to make another one. It wasn’t like I was particularly looking forward to it. I’ve already done enough crying over food lately.
There wasn’t much flavor to speak of. Some pepper on the eggs, a little bit of butter on the toast, not even bothering to cut up the apple. I found no enjoyment in it. No pleasure and no desire. It was just the only thing I could imagine eating.
I kept staring at the phone that sat on the dining table, just waiting for it to ring. Anticipating the news I knew was coming. We all knew what was coming. We knew the ending the second we heard she disappeared. She didn’t have a prayer. None of us did.
Small bites were all I could manage. Anything else would make me gag and throwing up was worse than not eating at all. All of this was more effort than it was worth. All the energy I was spending should be put towards solving the case. It was short sighted, I know. Maybe I just needed to eat my toast and figure out the rest later.
The attempt was in vain. Just as my teeth crunched down on the hard bread, I felt the phone vibrate on the table. I didn’t have to check the contact, I knew who it was. I didn’t even have to answer, I knew what it was about.
~~✧~~✧~~✧~~
“It’s too early for this,” Puck yawned as we parked in front of the police tape set up around The Dock.
“It’s 7:30, grandpa,” I sighed, turning the key in the ignition. There were more pressing issues than the time of day. Hell, I’ve already been up for four hours at this point. “Better wake up, we got a job to do.”
“Easy for you to say, you look like you got even less sleep since Friday,” he teased as we stepped out of the car.
“Would that not just make me more tired?” I argued. “I really don’t think we should be shooting the shit when there’s a body out back.”
“We can multitask,” he shrugged as I lifted up the tape. “Did Madison give you any information about it?”
“He said that it was Rose and to get my ass over here,” I answered. “I swear he’s been getting worse over the past few weeks.”
“I think we all have,” Puck defended him. He didn’t need to say it but I knew that he was talking about me.
“I might be plagued with prophetic nightmares but at least I’m not a bitch,” I joked as we made our way to the back. There were already plenty of people here. We could hear the camera shutters from a good 100 feet away. Everyone was crowding around the tarp laying in front of the dumpster.
After a few ‘excuse me’s and a couple of not so polite shoves, we made our way to the front of the chaos. Got our own eyes on the body displayed against the bright blue background. I thought nothing could surprise me anymore. I thought that it couldn’t get worse.
“When was she found?” I asked, squatting down to get a closer look at the mutilated body in front of us.
“We got the call around seven,” Madison answered. “She was found wrapped up in the dumpster this morning.”
“Well, if she was found this morning that means we have a time frame for when she was dumped,” I looked around at the back walls, trying to see if there was something that could help us crack this case.
“I already asked, the cameras don’t work,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead.
“That’s convenient,” Puck let out a slight laugh.
“It’s more typical than anything,” I shook my head. It only made sense that no one was worried about their cameras. No one here ever gave them a reason to. Still, some might think that after a string of murders and disappearances, they’d make replacing their broken cameras a priority. “The closer probably left around two thirty or three this morning so that gives us a timeline of roughly four hours.”
“Four hours where almost the entire town was asleep,” Madison pointed out.
“Key word: Almost,” I replied, still studying the body. There wasn’t any word to describe it other than mangled. Deep cuts all over her body. A shit ton of bruises as well. It wasn’t hard to determine that the last few hours of her life were absolute hell. But the most notable part was her head, or lack thereof.
She was decapitated. Her head sat wrapped in plastic film. None of us dared to touch it so it sat obscured by the cloudy sheen. Everything we knew about the killer, which wasn’t a lot, didn’t point towards this sort of thing.
But we knew it was the killer. Along with the body and the head was another letter. The fourth one we found. We still didn’t hear anything back from Vancouver. It couldn’t be that hard to solve. If we had the letters, we had a better chance of solving this. Hell, maybe it was all just a red herring.
“Have we contacted the closers from last night?” I asked, getting up from the squat that I was in.
“We’ve been trying too but chances are they’re all asleep,” Madison sighed.
“Best to let them sleep,” the smell was starting to get to me. It might be embarrassing for a detective to admit, but I always got quite squeamish around bodies. I never felt comfortable around death. Looking around at all my coworkers, maybe I wasn’t alone in that feeling. “I’d rather not interview someone who got less than four hours of sleep.”
Hypocritical, I know. It was about the same amount of sleep that I got. Still, the less people that were in the throes of sleep deprived delusions, the better. Maybe we needed the time to get our shit together. Get all of our ducks in a row.
“An ambulance is headed over from Westpoint,” he explained. “Expect to make the trip tomorrow or Wednesday.”
“We know how this works by now,” Puck nodded as we walked away from the body. From all the chaos and back to the quiet uncertainty of the station.
She had her whole life ahead of her. So many things she could’ve done and this was the end of her story. Kidnapped, tortured, killed, decapitated, left in a dumpster. There was nothing we could do to reverse this fate.
The only hope she had was justice. Some peace in her death. That was the only thing we could give any of them. God knows we couldn’t protect them. We couldn’t give them anything before it was too late. I was wondering if we could even give them the justice that we promised anymore.
"She wasn’t expecting this not to be awkward. If she yelled in her face, it would be deserved. She deserved to know that she messed up. Whatever went down in that room wasn’t going to be nice.
“Listen, I know I made a mistake,” she explained as Wanda shut the partition. “Whatever the cost is, I’ll gladly pay it. The last thing I wanted was to–”
“You should’ve called me,” she interrupted her apology."
After her moment of passion, Sue has to deal with the aftermath
Tags: Mental health issues, Themes of Depression, Pop Star Au, Famous Sue Storm, Developing Relationship, Romance, Drama, Relationship Drama, Eventual Smut, Musicians, Music, Shitty Lyrics Sprinkled Throughout (Do Not Mention Them), Past Sue Storm/Namor, Sue Storm Needs A Hug, No Beta We Die Like My Ability To Do Anything But Write
Ao3 Official playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
Maybe Sue needed to thank her lucky stars more often. Luck had done a lot more for her than she gave it credit for. As much as she bragged about her talent, it was luck that put her in Wanda’s sights originally. It was luck that got her the recording contract. It was luck that got her the hit, that got her to Dreamland, that got her Reed. And if that wasn’t enough, it also got both of them a driver that understood they were in a hurry.
She turned her phone back on after they got into the backseat of the car. Probably would be best to tell someone that she was heading there. All it did was prove her suspicions. Four missed calls from Johnny. Three from Jen. An impressive forty five from Wanda.
Not wanting to be yelled at the second the phone was answered, she opted to call Johnny. Besides, the call would probably be hijacked anyway.
“Sue,” he picked up before the first ring had even finished. “Where the fuck are you?”
“We’re on our way right now,” she explained, hearing commotion on the other end. “Traffic’s light, twenty minutes at most.”
“We?”
“Me and Reed,” she clarified, clearly hearing Jen exclaim that she told them so. “Listen, I know that I made a mess but–”
“Do you have any idea of the panic you just caused?!” Wanda said after snatching the phone. “The plane was supposed to leave thirty minutes ago. Everybody was assuming the worst.”
“I told Johnny to say that I was still coming,” she defended herself. “I’m sorry, Wanda. I had to–”
“You better be sorry,” it wasn’t hard to tell that she was mad at her. She had every reason to be. “You said twenty minutes?”
“Yes,” she confirmed. “We’re going as fast as we can.”
“We’re sending people up,” she took a few deep breaths. “We need to get in the air as soon as possible. Please, don’t waste anymore time.”
“I’m sorry, I–” Sue didn’t have a chance to finish her apology before Wanda hung up. It was enough to make her cry all over again.
“It is going to be okay,” Reed whispered, squeezing her hand. But she knew it wasn’t. Her little moment of passion caused a lot of heartache, wasted a lot of money. She had every right to be mad at her.
“God, this can’t be over soon enough,” she sighed, hoping foolishly that the worst of today was behind her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Sue wanted was for the flight to go fine. That she could survive the next few hours without anymore screaming and crying. But she knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. She made a lot of people mad. A little mistake that cost a lot of money.
She couldn’t blame anyone for being mad at her. She didn’t even know half of the problems she caused. Clearly she didn’t because Wanda hadn’t said a single thing to her since the phone call. Sitting on the opposite end of the ridiculous private jet. Not even looking her way.
She tried to distract herself anyway she could. Listening to Jen’s current law school drama. Trying to focus on Reed’s thumb running against the back of her hand. God, she missed him so much. Looking over and seeing Johnny and Wyatt playing some sort of game on their phones. She shouldn’t be this sad. She shouldn’t feel this guilty.
“Sue, we need to talk,” Wanda interrupted a particularly interesting story from Jen. Gesturing to a separate part of the jet. Somewhere more private.
“Yeah, of course,” she excused herself from the conversation. Part of her felt bad about leaving Reed alone with Jen. She knew better than anyone how she could be about these things. But Jen knew what went down so hopefully she’ll give him a little bit of grace.
She wasn’t expecting this not to be awkward. If she yelled in her face, it would be deserved. She deserved to know that she messed up. Whatever went down in that room wasn’t going to be nice.
“Listen, I know I made a mistake,” she explained as Wanda shut the partition. “Whatever the cost is, I’ll gladly pay it. The last thing I wanted was to–”
“You should’ve called me,” she interrupted her apology.
“I told Johnny to tell you that I was still coming,” she sighed.
“And Johnny didn’t know where you were, couldn’t tell us when you would be here,” she started to list off, “no one could reach you, and when you called him it was already thirty minutes after we were supposed to leave.”
“I know,” she agreed. “I’m sorry, I really am. I’m not expecting any grace here.”
“You said that you could do this,” she shook her head. “I told everyone that there was no issue. That there wasn’t going to be any problems like this.”
“I can!” She defended herself. “I know that I haven’t been my best self for the past few months but I can do this.”
“You say that you can but then make everyone wait an hour for you,” she let out a sigh as she slumped down on a seat. “This isn’t like you, Sue. It is concerning behavior, you need to be aware of that.”
“I know that it isn’t,” she tried not to cry. Tried as hard as she could to keep her composure. “But I want to do this. I want to get up there and put on a good show and I knew deep down that I couldn’t do it if Reed wasn’t there. I know that it’s absurd and nonsensical, but it’s the truth.”
“I just need to be sure that you aren’t going to back out of this.” She admitted. “I believe you when you say you won’t but I can’t ignore everything that’s been happening.”
“I promise that I’ll be fine, Wanda,” she tried to reassure her. “You have nothing to worry about anymore. I’m not going to get cold feet or anything.”
“I trust you so please, don’t prove me wrong,” she got up from her seat and turned to open the partition again. “But I am happy that you found comfort in someone, you deserve it.”
“Thank you,” she wiped a few tears that had fallen from her eyes. There wasn’t any reason to cry. She was happy. She didn’t have to convince herself. Especially not when she had so many people here for her.
“So why is it in Saskatchewan?” She heard Reed ask as she walked back to her seat.
“Because it’s cunty,” Jen shrugged, not taking her eyes off the Hello Kitty crossword she brought with her.
“Because it’s… What?” He was trying to decipher what she said as Sue sat down next to him.
“Oh my god,” Jen groaned. “Because it’s iconic. People fly all the way out to bumfuck nowhere just because it’s Dreamland. Sue, why does your boyfriend not know what cunty means?”
“Were you expecting him to?” She laughed as Reed leaned over to kiss her cheek.
“I assumed that you would’ve educated him by this point.” She rolled her eyes looking back at the book in her hand. “How the fuck am I supposed to know what Hello Kitty’s favorite fruit is?”
“Bitch, apples,” Sue answered, which only made her friend dramatically huff and mumble something under her breath.
“Everything okay?” Reed whispered as he took her hand again.
“Yeah,” she confirmed, leaning into him. “It’s going to be perfect.”
“I’m glad,” he smiled at her as they continued to fly west. Right to the place she dreamed of for so long.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“If I can be completely honest, Dreamland peaked in 2016,” Jen said after thirty minutes of driving on the prairie highway. “I mean, I still cry knowing I missed out on those giant milkshakes.”
“You mean it’s going to peak in two days,” Sue raised an eyebrow at her.
“Well, obviously, I don’t need to say that,” she raised her hands, “but there’s something in my soul telling me that I was supposed to spend 20 bucks for an instagram photo. Now they just put caviar on some bullshit and say it’s worth a hundred dollars.”
“Amen to that,” she agreed. “Too bad I couldn’t have headlined when we were thirteen.”
“If you just worked a little harder,” Johnny teased from the row behind them.
“Thirteen?” Reed sounded surprised.
“Yeah Pop-pop, ten years ago we were thirteen,” Jen laughed.
“Stop bullying him,” Sue warned even if she was smiling. They were supposed to be on the lookout. Her eyes were fixed on the window as if she’d ever miss the giant billboard with her face on it. But even after driving down the highway for what felt like an eternity, she still hadn’t seen it.
It was like they put every other artist’s before her own. Aurora and that 80s hair magazine schtick she’s been pushing lately. Migratory Bird Act reminding everyone their first album hit the big two zero. Johnny practically cheered when they drove past Clint Navigator and The Chudleys.
Maybe they were just saving hers until the end. Did they normally do that? Maybe she was thinking too far into it. Of course it was going to be there, she was the goddamn headliner.
“Now why did they put the Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater billboard before mine?” She groaned.
“The closer it is to the actual festival, the more primo the location,” Jen reassured her as they were getting further and further down the highway.
“If there isn’t a billboard, then you can trust hell would be raised,” Wanda added. “The amount of money they spent on that is insane.”
“I’d raise hell too,” Sue pointed out. “It’s such a good photo of me. I would hate for everyone to be deprived of it.”
“It would be a great tragedy,” Reed agreed, putting his arm around her shoulders, trying to get a better view out of the window.
“We’d have to call the lost media Youtubers,” Johnny added, clearly not taking this as seriously as she was. But that was just natural. He didn’t dream about this day. The day that she would be driving up this highway. The day that people would be flocking to see her. The day that she could finally say that she made it.
As hard of a time as she’d been having, she never got a chance to really take it in. To really comprehend that she was here. That she was a headliner. The most important act at the biggest festival. She still couldn’t believe it.
“Holy shit, there it is!” Jen frantically pointed at the window as it was coming into view. She almost screamed herself when she saw it. It was perfect. The picture somehow looked better blown up over a thousand times.
“‘Weatherman says prepare for a Storm,’” Johnny made a buzzer sound. “Corny as hell.”
“And you could come up with something better?” She swatted behind her. “Who needs a marketing team when we have you?”
“Hey! I have my finger on the pulse,” he defended himself from her attack.
“I’m sure we’ll think about it. Right, Wanda?” She looked over at her manager who rolled her eyes at their shenanigans. Only a few more miles. A few more minutes until that left turn. Only a moment until the next step of her career.
"“Go to the airport,” she had already made up her mind, “bring all the stuff and shit. Tell Wanda that I’m coming, I just forgot something.”
“Are you crazy?!” He asked as she pushed past him. Walking right to the door. She didn’t care if she was being dramatic or wasting anyone’s time any more. “What am I even supposed to say?!”
“That I forgot something,” she dismissed his concern as she stepped out of her apartment. Her heart set on a place that she should’ve gone days ago."
Right before she's about to leave, Sue remembers what's important
Tags: Mental health issues, Themes of Depression, Pop Star Au, Famous Sue Storm, Developing Relationship, Romance, Drama, Relationship Drama, Eventual Smut, Musicians, Music, Shitty Lyrics Sprinkled Throughout (Do Not Mention Them), Past Sue Storm/Namor, Sue Storm Needs A Hug, No Beta We Die Like My Ability To Do Anything But Write
Ao3 Official playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
Sue was out of time. Only an hour until she had to be at the airport. A matter of time before she was on that plane heading west. It was right in front of her and she still wasn’t ready.
It was ironic. She had been ready her whole life. Ever since she was an acne-prone teen watching the videos in her bed. Staying up far too late and just dreaming of when she’d be the one on the stage. But now, when it was right in front of her, she couldn’t ignore the feeling that told her she had to throw up.
She was still trying to tell herself that it would all go away once they landed in Saskatchewan. She knew it was a lie. Dreamland was going to be nothing but miserable. She already accepted that.
It was too late to change anything. She already made her decision. She was going to do this without Reed. No matter how much it made her cry every time she thought about it. She couldn’t do that to him. Ignore him for over a week at this point just to tell him that she wanted him there. He’d have every right to laugh in her face. She would deserve it too.
She’d deserve it if he never wanted to talk to her again. If he’d skip every single one of her songs. If he’d change his routes to avoid any ads with her face on them. It was only fair that he’d resent her. She broke his heart after all.
She was going to call him back after it was all over. Apologize for how she was acting. Maybe she should text him. Leave it up to him if he wants to talk. No, that would be too insulting. Coming over would be too imposing. Anyway she did it would be selfish.
But she had to go through Dreamland without him. It wasn’t like she was going to be alone. She had Johnny and his one friend that he decided to bring along. She had Jen who was now insisting Voyeurists was about her. She had her team. She had Wanda. She had her fans. As much as she told herself that, she knew that in the moment she wouldn’t matter. All that she would be thinking about was that one empty seat.
“Sue, how many times are you going to check your suitcase?” Johnny huffed, standing right in the doorway to her room.
“You’re acting like we’re late,” she rolled her eyes. “Besides, you know the plane isn’t going to leave without us, right?”
“Sorry, I forgot we have to be super polluters for a day,” he groaned and walked back to the living room. The last thing she needed right now was for him to try and rush her. She had been physically ready for the past few days at this point. Every suitcase was packed. She wasn’t forgetting anything. Her clothes, her toiletries, everything that she could possibly need for this incredible busy weekend.
But her brain was holding her back. Telling her that there was something she was forgetting. Gaslighting her into never taking the step. No, she already made up her mind. But if she couldn’t even leave her room, how was she ever going to get on that stage?
“I’m being ridiculous,” she grumbled to herself. She just needed to zip up the suitcase. The last thing she wanted was for everyone to have to wait up for her. She has caused enough trouble over the past few weeks. She wasn’t a diva. She wasn’t a problem. She said she could do this and she was going to.
She pulled her coat off the hanger. She was ready. There was nothing else she needed. Nothing else she could do. They had to leave right now. Johnny was already getting impatient. Already worried that they were going to be late.
But as she put on the coat, she felt something in her pocket. Thin and rectangular. Enough to make her stop in her tracks. She reached in only to confirm her suspicions. It was a letter. Contained in an envelope and addressed to her with neat handwriting.
She wondered how she could ever forget it. Reed gave it to her a few weeks ago. Said it was from his neighbor's kid. The same one that watched her from the end of the halls. She said that she’d get to it. Take time out of her busy schedule to read it. But she forgot about it. After everything that happened, she forgot about it.
She ran her nail under the seal. Opening the envelope to reveal a folded letter composed on light blue paper. Sue could tell that there was a fair amount of effort put into it. It only made her feel worse and worse as she looked at the words written in sparkly purple ink.
Hi Sue,
My name is Alice and I’m a huge fan. Ever since your first album before everyone in my class started listening to you. They used to act like I was crazy when I said you were my favorite but then they all bragged about going to your concert last year. But it doesn’t matter that much, I’m just glad that more people are listening to you. I know you asked me to keep it a secret but I told my parents and they didn’t believe me. Then I asked Reed and he said that it was you. It was probably the most exciting thing to ever happen. If I can be honest, I don’t know what you see in him. He’s nice and all, helps me with my math homework sometimes, but you could be with anyone. He’s like the last person I’d expect to be with you. But I don’t know everything so I shouldn’t be so judgmental. Anyways, I’m so excited to see your show at Dreamland. My parents wouldn’t take me even though I begged them. Apparently it’s really expensive but I’ll just save up for next time. I still can’t wait to see the videos. Also, I promise that I’m not trying to be a creeper. I just really like your music and everything.
Hugs and kisses,
Alice
“Sue!” Johnny yelled from the living room. “You know we still have to pick Wyatt up, right?!”
She couldn’t respond to him. She just stood there, looking at that piece of paper. That bright purple ink against the pale blue paper. She didn’t know why it was getting to her. Why this was the thing that made her question her decision.
“Sue, I’m being serious,” he huffed as he stepped into the doorway. She still couldn’t take her eyes off the paper, “I know you don’t want to be late either.”
“I forgot something,” she mumbled, folding up the paper and putting it back into her pocket.
“What are you talking about?” He groaned in frustration.
“Go to the airport,” she had already made up her mind, “bring all the stuff and shit. Tell Wanda that I’m coming, I just forgot something.”
“Are you crazy?!” He asked as she pushed past him. Walking right to the door. She didn’t care if she was being dramatic or wasting anyone’s time any more. “What am I even supposed to say?!”
“That I forgot something,” she dismissed his concern as she stepped out of her apartment. Her heart was set on a place that she should’ve gone days ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The closer she got, the less nerve she had. She felt more and more unsure as the familiar brick facade came into view. She couldn’t push down the feeling of guilt that was tugging at her throat. She had no right to be here.
She had no right to walk up to his door. She had no right to ask what she was going to. But she had to. She wouldn’t be able to get on that plane if she didn’t try.
No matter how many times she tried to talk herself out of it as she walked down the hall, she knew that it was too late. She had to do this right now or she never would. She just had to put her fist against the door.
“No, I’m absolutely not helping you with this,” she heard his voice from the inside of the apartment. “It is extremely unprofessional, you need to submit a request like an adult.”
She could tell that he was talking on the phone about something. Something that was obviously frustrating him as he was walking closer and closer to the door. That was obviously not going to help her out.
“You know, if I was her, I’d laugh in your face. And I don’t need to point out that this wasn’t a problem three years ago,” he stopped right before opening the door. “No, I’m not being ‘too woke’, I’m telling you how you sound to literally everybody else. Besides, I’m on vacation right now. If you can’t treat her with basic decency, then you don’t need to use the lab.”
He huffed as he hung up. She took a deep breath, the tears were starting the well up in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to guilt him into forgiving her. But as she heard the knob turning, she could feel them running down her cheeks.
“Sue?” Reed’s tone softened the second he opened the door. “What are you doing? I thought–”
“I’m sorry,” she tried to keep her composure but it came out as a sob. “I’m so sorry, Reed. I don’t know why it took me so long to say it. You don’t deserve how I–”
“I thought you were leaving today,” he finished his sentence as he took her hand. Leading her into the apartment.
“I am,” she tried to take a deep breath as he pulled her into a hug. “I should be at the airport right now but I can’t stop thinking about everything. I feel so guilty about it. I shouldn’t have yelled at you that night. I shouldn’t have ignored you every time you reached out. I don’t even know why I did.”
“Shhh, it’s fine,” he tried to comfort her. It was no use. “I’m not mad at you.”
“You should be,” she felt like an idiot, crying into his shoulder. “I was selfish and cruel and I hurt you. You shouldn’t forgive me.”
“I don’t care about that, Sue, I just want you,” he admitted, stroking the back of her head. “You shouldn’t worry about me, I don’t want you to miss your flight or anything.”
“They aren’t going to leave without me,” she shook her head. “If I went without talking to you, I knew I’d always regret it.”
“I would’ve waited,” he whispered as she continued to sob. “I don’t want you to get in trouble with anyone over me.”
“If anyone’s mad at me, they can deal with it,” she could only imagine the shit show that was going on right now. Wanda probably tried to call her twenty times already, assuming the worst when Johnny showed up without her. She knew she made a mess of everything. “I don’t give a shit about Dreamland anymore. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, I don’t want to be there without you.”
“Sue, I’m not worth all that,” she could tell he was trying to laugh. It just broke her heart more. She’s the one that made him believe that. That made him think that he wasn’t important to her.
“Reed Richards,” she pulled away to look him in the face, “you matter so much to me. More than I could ever comprehend. Certainly more than any paycheck or boost in streams or any trouble this could get me in. I don’t want to get on that plane or get on that stage if you’re not there.”
“Are you asking me to come with you?”
“If you don’t want to you don’t have to,” she wiped a tear that was falling down her cheek. “I understand if I ruined it for myself. I don’t want to guilt you or anything but–”
“Are you kidding?” He pulled her back into the hug. “Of course I’ll come.”
“You don’t have to, I promise I’ll be okay,” she tried to take a deep breath. “I just needed to talk to you and everything.”
“Do you want me to be there?” He looked down at her as she nodded. “Then I’m coming. If you can wait for me to repack my stuff, that is.”
“They won’t leave without me,” she reminded him. “What’s a few more minutes?”
“And I thought you valued your punctuality,” he teased, pulling away and heading straight for his room.
“Oh, I’m sure that Wanda’s about ready to kill me,” Sue laughed, following right after him.
“I’m willing to take the fall for it,” he offered as he pulled the suitcase out of his closet, “but I’m sure we’re both lucky I put off unpacking everything.”
“I’ll make sure to tell her that,” she smiled as she sat on the foot of his bed. She knew that she was causing a problem. Enough to earn her a slap on the wrist. But when she looked at Reed, looked at the smile on his face, she couldn’t find it in herself to care.
Maybe he didn’t believe it but she was telling the truth. Despite her actions over the past few weeks, he mattered more than any of this. She’d give it all up just to be in his arms. To come home to him and that shy smile.
“Do you need to order an Uber or anything?” He asked, carrying a few things out of the bathroom. “I have no problem paying for it.”
“I can pay for it,” she laughed as he tried his best to fit everything neatly into the suitcase.
“Well, there wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t involved,” he pointed out as he reached over to kiss her cheek. “It’s the least I can do.”
“I won’t argue,” she threw her hands up, “but we wouldn’t even have to go to the airport if it wasn’t for me.”
“That’s just too bad because I’ve already opened the app,” he sighed dramatically, pressing a few buttons on his phone. “Do we need to stop by your place or…”
“No, I made Johnny lug my shit over,” she sighed as she got up. “Also made him tell everyone that I was still coming.”
“Well, I hope he wasn’t as laissez-faire about it as he was with some of the assignment deadlines,” he joked as he zipped up the suitcase. “It’s telling me a few minutes so we should start heading down.”
“God forbid we waste anyone else’s time,” she rolled her eyes as he put his arm around her. And it felt so right. Like she should’ve done it days ago. Like she should’ve picked up the first time he called.
"“I didn’t know you liked to bake,” Wanda commented as she saw the mess I already made of the kitchen. Bowls on every surface that would fit them. Ingredients sprawled across the counter with no regard for organization. Flour spilled everywhere and me, looking like I was in over my head the second I grabbed the measuring cups."
In an attempt to distract herself, Heather decides to make some cookies
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
Her name was Rose McLeod. She was a senior in high school, just like the other two were. Just turned eighteen a week ago. An honor student, fully set to be the valedictorian. Participated in every school theater production. Worked weekends at Oceanview.
She had her whole life ahead of her. She had a family who was waiting for her to get home. Well, they all did. Every single victim had people waiting for them. People who noticed that they were gone. People who’d never get over what happened in this town.
It didn’t matter if she solved world hunger and took care of sick puppies during her free time. She could be nothing but a problem and her life would still matter. The loss would be just as significant. Maybe not everyone would think so. Not everyone acted like all life was precious, maybe because they didn’t believe it. But I did.
Maybe it was just the Jesus in me talking. I’ve been told all my life that there was nothing more precious and sacred than life. That any life taken was the greatest tragedy. That taking a life was an irredeemable sin. I took it to heart, I took it seriously. It seemed like no one else did.
What people said and what they did were two different things. They’d preach about how life is sacred outside of an abortion clinic. They’d scream at a teenage girl who just wanted to live her life. They’d judge them with that bright plastic smile on their face and say that they’d pray for them. They’d talk that big talk and then cheer when some criminal was sentenced to death.
I tried to question it once. Ask my mother why the people we’d pray with only thought that some life was precious. Weren’t they reading the bible? Weren’t they listening to our pastor? That one earned me a beating that I still flinch about to this day. She never explained it to me but she taught me a very valuable lesson; don’t ask questions.
So I didn’t. I just sat back and observed. Noticed all their hypocrisy. Took note of how cruel and judgemental they all were. They claimed that they were following the gospel. Swore on the bible that they were christlike. Not a single one of them were.
Not a single one of them cared about anyone who didn’t believe the same things they did. Hell, they could believe in the exact same thing but if they didn’t go to our church then they might as well be sinners. I still remember that homeless man who sat in the back pews for a few services. They called the police on him and we never saw him again. So much for taking care of the sick and needy. So much for leading people to Christ. Only the right people deserved to pray with us. Only the people who’d put a hundred bucks in the plate earned their way to salvation.
I hated all of them. Every single one of them. It didn’t matter what denomination anymore. I didn’t care if it made me bitch. I didn’t give a shit if it made me worse than they ever were. I swore I’d never believe again when my friend came to me and said what that church elder did to her. I swore I’d never associate myself with god again when I heard what everyone else said about it.
Not that this had anything to do with Rose. From what we were told, she wasn’t religious. Her family wasn’t the church type. I guess it’s just been on my mind as of late. As if I didn’t have enough to be stressed about, my brain was just insisting on reminding me of my upbringing. Of all those things that I’ve been trying to push down.
It was really the last thing I needed to think about. I had enough on my plate without these constant reminders of everything I wanted to forget. It did nothing to help with my current situation. In my defense, there was very little I could actually do to help my current situation.
Somehow, the whole sleep situation has gotten worse. I didn’t think that was possible but it happened. I was averaging about three hours every night. It was just my luck that most of those hours were nonconsecutive too. Must be some sort of miracle that I could still stand on my feet at this point.
Every disappearance made the nightmares worse. Made them evolve into a different repeating scene to torment me night after night. First it was the beach. I understood that one on some level. Just my brain filling in the blanks of reality. Then it was the ocean cave. I’d assume that was just a manifestation of my fears.
This latest one made no sense in the slightest. The scene was set in some sort of warehouse. One that smelled like hell incarnate. I didn’t know that dreams could have scents. After a while of walking around, I’d stumble upon what I assumed my brain really wanted me to see.
In some dark room obscured by a defunct assembly line, I could barely make out the outline of two men fighting. Over what I didn’t know. Screaming at each other in some language I didn’t understand, I couldn’t make my body move. I couldn’t stop what was inevitable.
One man grabbed an iron pipe and overpowered the other. I couldn’t do anything as he bashed his head in on the factory floor. I heard every crunch, every thud, every single time the weapon was brought down.
I tried to turn around and run. It seemed as if I could only move in slow motion. I couldn’t get away as the killer started to walk towards me, bloody pipe in hand. I couldn’t do anything as he swung it at my head. I couldn’t even stop myself from falling down.
I’d shoot up the second I was about to hit the ground. Brought back to reality. Back to the safety of my bedroom. It didn’t feel that safe anymore. Nowhere in this town felt safe anymore. I guess it didn’t help that I lived alone. Lived alone and was attached to the case. No doubt that put a target on my back.
The killer knew where I lived, after all. They knew my name, they knew that I was the only person in the house. It was enough to make me paranoid. I’m sure anyone in my situation would feel it too. Would feel like every second was being watched and catalogued. Like the killer was just waiting for the opportunity to pounce.
Maybe it was a good thing that Marrina wasn’t here anymore. As much as I worried about her, she was safer with her parents than she was here. I was putting a target on her back. Being here would put her directly in their sights. It was for the best even if it never felt like it.
I was a dangerous person to associate with. It wasn’t like I was much fun to be around as of late. I was sleep deprived and cranky and stressed and I couldn’t get a second away from all of it. How could I possibly think about getting some peace when another girl was missing? Still, I needed to take a break. Puck said he’d barricade me out of the station if I tried to come in unprompted today.
But that left me alone in this house. Alone with too much time to think. Too much time to read into every little creak and groan the structure made. I couldn’t tell if I was justified or just going insane. Was this really what does me in? Was I going to walk back into that station when this was all over? Could I just act like everything was fine after we caught the killer? Could I go on ‘business as usual?’
I didn’t know. I didn’t have much capacity to think about things like that. I was still trying to take things one step at a time. It wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Turns out it’s hard to see the full picture when you’re trying not to look past your own feet.
But this wasn’t part of the investigation, I was just sitting on my loveseat, staring at the wall. No one was counting on me but myself. I’m not even sure if I was counting on myself at this point. If I was just going to sit in that deep pit until someone needed me again or if I was going to pull myself out of it.
I needed a hobby. One that didn’t take as much thinking as I was doing right now. One that didn’t cost an insane amount of money either. Maybe hiking? No, absolutely not. Being alone in the woods was a stupid idea with a serial killer on the loose. My home was logically the safest place I could be right now.
I needed a distraction. Something that didn’t remind me of everything that was going on. It felt selfish to seek it out. God knows that Rose’s family didn’t have any room for a distraction right now. Everyone at the station today couldn’t get any distraction either and here I was asking to just forget about reality.
I’m sure no one else thought about it like that. I’m sure half the town was just trying to go about their day. Half the town was trying to do the exact same thing that I was. Maybe they felt just as guilty. Maybe that reminder of reality kept crawling back into their mind. Maybe they just pushed it down. I seemed to be failing at that part.
What I really needed was something to do that took enough of my mental energy that I didn’t even think about everything else. Where’s a jigsaw puzzle when you need it? It was just my luck that I never got into them. I tried to read some but my mind was still wandering back to everything I was trying not to think about.
There had to be something that could keep me from spiraling. Anything so I could keep my head screwed on just a little bit longer. Maybe I could call Wanda too. I’m sure part of my mental state could be solved by talking to someone. She was as good of a distraction as any.
~~✧~~✧~~✧~~
“I didn’t know you liked to bake,” Wanda commented as she saw the mess I already made of the kitchen. Bowls on every surface that would fit them. Ingredients sprawled across the counter with no regard for organization. Flour spilled everywhere and me, looking like I was in over my head the second I grabbed the measuring cups.
“Well, it’s not something I usually do,” I admitted with a dry laugh. I don’t even know how I ended up choosing this as my ‘don’t lose your mind’ activity. I wasn’t having a panic attack about the serial killer or the missing girls, that’s for sure, but I don’t know if replacing that with a panic attack over whether I remembered how to make cookies or not was the wisest course of action.
“Just following a whim then?” She smiled, setting her purse down on the chair. Must be eager to help with the mess I made for myself.
“Came into possession of some peach pie filling,” I pointed to the giant jar that sat near the edge of the counter. Right where it would be easily knocked off, “and I thought that I should make some cookies with it.”
“It’s the natural thing to do with pie filling,” she grabbed it before I could accidentally push it off. Examining the sugary orange contents like they could explain this unusual behavior.
“Wouldn’t want to step on Marlene’s toes,” I shrugged. “She was nice enough to give me some, it would be rude to try and encroach on her territory.”
She was already having a rough time after all. We had to talk to her about everything yesterday. It was a hard conversation but we didn’t expect anything else. Just those basic questions. Did she notice anything different, when was the last time she heard from her, please give us everything we need right now. I know that you’re still trying to process the fact that your teen employee was more than likely abducted by the serial killer that’s been terrorizing the town but we really need to hear your perspective.
It made me feel like an asshole. Like I didn’t really give a shit about them. But I did give a shit. I knew that it was hard and I still had to do it. And she was more understanding than she had the right to be. Gave us a lot more grace than we frankly deserved.
We were failing the town. Every disappearance just highlighted the fact we were incompetent. It shouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t been so stubborn at first maybe I could’ve seen the writing on the wall. Maybe then none of them would’ve died.
“And you think you can step to the queen?” She joked, scooting right next to me. No doubt getting a better view of the state of cookie making.
“I don't, which is why I’m making cookies,” I laughed as her arms wrapped around my torso. “Besides, peach cookies sounded good.”
“They do,” she nodded, still studying the scene laid out in front of her. I couldn’t blame her if she had trouble following the process. Shit, I didn’t even know how I got here. “Are we talking sugar cookie or shortbread?”
“Beats me,” I grabbed the grimy paper I had printed out a while ago.
“So you’re just going in completely blind?” She laughed, looking at the recipe I had found.
“Are you making fun of me, ma’am?”
“Not at all, I’m sure Nora97 and her grandpa who served in Vietnam know what they’re doing,” she kissed the top of my head before turning a page. “You’re trying to make shortbread, by the way.”
“No clue how that changes things,” I sighed, resuming the steps before she got here and distracted me.
“It means I can help you,” she laughed, laying the papers out wherever there was a free space.
“Well, I didn’t know you were a baker either,” I teased as she rolled up her sleeves. Maybe if I told her what activities to expect, she wouldn’t have worn a nice sweater. But she must’ve not minded that much.
“Non practicing but I did put in some hours helping my mom in the kitchen,” she admitted.
“Please, I had to help cook growing up too,” I rolled my eyes. “All I learned was that I didn’t like cooking.”
“No shame in that,” she reached for the measuring cup that I half buried in the bag of flour. Who knows how old it was. “But if you don’t know the difference between sugar cookie dough and shortbread dough, I think it’s for the best that you don’t do this often.”
“I’m sure I could if they were side by side,” I swatted at her. If it was anyone else, I would’ve kicked them out. I wasn’t really in the mood to joke around. But I guess I wasn’t really in the position to make a huge deal out of it either. I didn’t want to be alone right now.
I really shouldn’t be alone right now. It was becoming increasingly obvious that I wasn’t doing too hot. Whether it was the bags under my eyes or the fact that I somehow have been getting more grouchy, I knew this case was slowly destroying me. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
I let her take the reins for the most part. It seemed like she knew what she was doing more than I did. But I decided to make the cookies, I’d be damned if I just sat back and did nothing. It was my only chance to try and distract myself.
I wasn’t doing a very good job. As much as I tried to distract myself by mixing the peaches into the dough or listening to Wanda go on and on about some workplace drama, my mind kept drifting back to Rose.
I should be in the station. We should be interviewing everyone we could. We should be punching in sixteen hour days until this shit could be solved. I shouldn’t be sitting around waiting for something to happen. I shouldn’t be waiting until it was too late.
“You good?” Her voice cut through my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I nodded, staring down at the dough, neatly portioned out on the tray in front of me. “Just thinking about everything.”
“You don’t have to be fine about it,” she tried to reassure me. “God knows you’ve been through absolute hell the past month.”
“It’s nothing compared to the families,” I denied. “Really, it’s nothing.”
“Just because it isn’t the same doesn’t mean that it’s not real,” she argued, reaching to grab the tray. Now that the hard part was over the thoughts were coming back full force. “You’re allowed to hurt too, you know.”
“Yeah but what use am I if I let it all get to me?” I shook my head. “This is my job, people trust me to figure this out and how can I if I can’t handle the pressure?”
“From where I’m standing you’re already letting it get to you,” she shrugged. The cookies were in the oven now. There was really nothing I could hide behind. “You don’t have to put on an act, especially not with me.”
“I’m not putting on an act, Wanda,” I let out a sigh. “I’m not trying to be strong or anything. All I want to do is fix this. All I want is for this to be over and it’s up to me to end it.”
“It’s not just up to you,” she reached and grabbed my hand. Trying to stop me from jumping straight on clean up duty. “You aren’t the only person at the station. You don’t have to solve everything yourself.”
“But I’m the lead investigator,” I argued back. “I’m who everyone’s supposed to trust and another girl is missing because I can’t get my shit together.”
“Wait, hold up,” she put her hands on my shoulders and took a deep breath. “That’s not your fault, Heather. Not even in the most twisted sense.”
“The more time this takes to solve, the more people that will die, the killer has made that obvious,” I explained. “And here I am wasting time.”
“The only person at fault is the person who’s kidnapping and killing people,” she insisted. “You not cracking the case by yourself doesn’t make you guilty. It doesn’t make you responsible for their deaths.”
“That’s not what it feels like,” I tried to blink back a few tears that were threatening to come out. “What it feels like is a clock ticking down right in my ear and everyone looking at me like I should’ve had all the answers a month ago.”
“No one’s blaming you,” she kept trying to reassure me. It wasn’t going to work. Her attempts to make me feel better were fruitless. All the empathy in the world didn’t change the fact that she didn’t really know what I was going through. No one could understand the pressure that was continuing to pile up.
I knew that it wasn’t my fault. At least not directly. I wasn’t snatching the girls off the street and murdering them. But that didn’t mean I could let myself off that hook. I was one of the only people in town who could do something about it. I was the one with all the information and I still couldn’t put two and two together. And girls were dying because of it.
“I know that no one’s blaming me,” I tried to take another deep breath. Tried to calm down as her hands still rubbed into my shoulders. “I just don’t really want to talk about it right now.”
“That’s fine, Heather,” she pulled me into a tight hug. “But if you ever do, you know I’d listen and–”
She was cut off by the timer ringing. That loud shrill alarm telling us that we wasted twenty minutes we could’ve used to clean up the mess that was still on the counter. She peeled away from me, reaching for the oven mitt. At least after all of this, we’ll have some cookies.
“Well, shit,” Wanda sighed, pulling the baking tray out of the oven. I turned only to see that instead of the peach pie cookies I had imagined, the tray was filled with a liquified, gloopy, inedible mess. “The filling probably had too much sugar or too much liquid but…”
She looked up from the disaster that we both made to find that I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. It was my idea, after all. My stupid fucking idea to think that I could do it. I should’ve known that it would never work out.
And I wasted the filling too. The filling that Marlene had so graciously given me. I didn’t deserve that kindness and this just proved that. It could’ve made a pie. Been used for what it was made for. Been delicious and appreciated. But I didn’t make a pie.
In the hands of someone else, someone with more knowledge or sense than I had, the peaches wouldn’t have been wasted. But I wasn’t that person. I didn’t even know the difference between fresh peaches and peach pie filling. I wasted it and made nothing but a mess.
It didn’t matter how many times Wanda tried to tell me it was alright, her efforts to soothe me were in vain. Nothing could stop the tears that were flooding out of my eyes. Nothing could make me believe anything but the truth. I was failing everyone. I was a failure and I couldn’t do anything but feel bad for myself.
"“If it even belongs to the killer,” he argued. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a point. I couldn’t just make up my mind before knowing the full truth. I had to check everywhere, I couldn’t leave any space for doubt."
Heather and Puck go to check on a lead, hoping they could find anything useful
Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, murder, character death, referenced child abuse, implied incest, themes of religious trauma, explicit sexual content, heavy angst, detective au, no powers au, first person POV lesbian characters, trans character, Pacific Northwest gothic, Heather needs a hug, no beta we die like Mac
Ao3 Official Playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
I don’t think the town would ever get back to normal. As if the baseline was ever preppy and positive. John’s Harbor was one of many small towns that sucked the life out of people. These types of places seemed to have that effect. I should know, I lived in them my whole life.
But everything changed. People were afraid to leave their houses. No one talked to each other. No one trusted each other. People who used to be neighborly, who used to be friends, now shut their blinds and locked their doors. Everything that people claimed to love about towns like this was eroding the way. And the worst part was, I couldn’t blame them.
It was perfectly normal for everyone to be terrified. It made more sense than everything staying the same as it was. There was a question on everyone’s mind. Who’s next? What poor girl would vanish into the night? What desk at that school would remain empty for the rest of the year? Would she wash up on the beach or will they never know what happened to her?
I couldn’t afford to be afraid. The fear clouds judgement. If I was going to solve this, if I was going to prove that people didn’t have to hide away from everything, I needed to look at what was right in front of me. And what was right in front of me was that pickup truck.
“Well, it sure looks run down,” Puck let out a low whistle as we walked towards it. Luckily, it was exactly where Bryce said we’d find it. A back-alley parking lot behind the grocery store.
“Never expected it not to be,” I took a picture of the license plate. “Remind me to run this when we get back to the station.”
“Aye, aye, captain,” I wasn’t looking at him but it didn’t matter. I could hear that he wasn’t taking this as seriously as I was. I knew that I looked crazy. I’m sure Madison had a lot to say behind my back when I said we were taking precious time to go and look at it. We didn’t have any reason to believe that it meant anything.
But I remember the fish. How everyone looked at me like I was losing my mind only for me to be right. At this point, I didn’t give a shit about how I looked. I wasn’t going to wait around when there was a chance right in front of us.
That didn’t mean I knew what I was really looking for. If it had been here for this long, it was safe to assume that it was abandoned. Maybe all we could hope for was some sort of clue. Maybe this was all just a red herring. A deliberate attempt to get us off track. As if we were on any track to begin with.
“It wouldn’t make sense for it to just be broken down,” I looked inside the window. All I could see was a bunch of trash on the passenger seat. Food wrappers, cigarette butts, other unassorted plastic waste. At least they weren’t a litter bug. “I’d guess that they lived in it considering the sheer amount of trash.”
“Well, if they were living in it, wouldn’t they try to keep their trash situation under control?” He questioned as I turned on my phone flashlight. Just trying to see anything else in the small cabin.
“Not if it was always supposed to be temporary,” I pointed out. “Maybe they were trying to keep a low profile before making their way out here. Wanted criminal, escaped convinct…”
“Could it not just be a homeless person?”
“The keys are in the cupholder,” I jiggled the handle to find that the door didn’t budge. “And it’s locked. If it was the killer then I have no doubt that this was intentional.”
“Are there any cameras back here?” He asked as I moved to the other side, just to make sure it was in fact locked.
“We should ask the manager,” I tried to open the other door to no avail. “But I doubt they keep over a month of backlog and I doubt that the killer would’ve come back here.”
“If it even belongs to the killer,” he argued. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a point. I couldn’t just make up my mind before knowing the full truth. I had to check everywhere, I couldn’t leave any space for doubt.
The last place to check was the bed. The only place I could dig around. If there was anything of note. It wasn’t like they’d keep murder weapons out in the open, only covered by a loose blue tarp. But if the letters were any indication, this was the type of killer who wanted to be found.
The type who had something to say. The type who had something to prove. Maybe the point was that we were dumbasses who couldn’t protect the people. Maybe the point was that they were smarter than us. Maybe they just wanted to see the town burn to the ground. Whatever their goal was, at this point they were succeeding.
Those types are never as smart as they think they are. They’ll always slip up. Reveal too much. Too many breadcrumbs that ruin their grand design. Their mind games that are too easy to see right through. All it took was one person who knew what they were doing.
There was part of me that wished we were just dealing with a deranged freak. A teenage boy that spent too much time on those incel forums. They were sloppy. They left evidence. They didn’t try to play this cat and mouse game, they just wanted to hurt people.
“Do you remember the name of that rope brand?” I asked after I moved the tarp to the side.
“Not off the top of my head,” he admitted as I stared at the contents. “Why? Did you find something?”
“Yeah, a bundle of rope,” I laughed, taking a picture of it. It wasn’t the only thing. A rusted machete, an oil can, a tool box. Didn’t mean it belonged to the killer, it could just as easily have belonged to some blue collar vagabond.
But then I saw a piece of paper held to the bed by the oil can. It looked too staged to be nothing. It set off all the alarm bells in my head. So, against my better judgement, I climbed in to grab it.
If this was a crime scene, I knew I was mucking it up. If I didn’t find something to prove that I was right, I would never be taken seriously. That’s how this investigation seemed to be going. Despite the trust they said they had in me, everyone seemed to think I was hysterical. That my intuition had no basis.
But I didn’t fall into this career. I didn’t get hired for no reason at all. I knew I was good because I trusted myself. I trusted myself enough to see things through. Enough to reach down and grab the paper.
“It’s another letter,” I informed my partner as I looked down at the symbols. Still as indecipherable as the others. I know I’ve been asking about it a lot, but how long does it actually take? It’s clear that they want us to know something. Whether it’s to tease us or try to throw us off track, I’d still like to know.
“Well, I’d say that’s evidence enough to escalate this,” he shrugged as I hopped off the bed, back on solid ground. Covered it with the tarp just so nothing would be messed up when we got back.
“Glad we can agree,” I put the letter into my jacket pocket as we walked back to my own truck. At least we could go back to the station with something. God knows that not all these outings ended that way.
~~✧~~✧~~✧~~
Before we even walked in, I could tell something went down. I don’t know how to describe it, just a feeling in the atmosphere. I’ve been trusting my intuition a lot recently. More than I really wanted to admit. I thought I was above that witchy shit. Above believing that gut feelings held as much weight as evidence.
I never bought into that spirituality. I spent too long under the rule of something I couldn’t see, I wasn’t looking for any replacement. There wasn’t some Jesus shaped hole in my life I needed to fill with crystals and shit borrowed from every other religion under the sun. I liked what was empirical. I liked the things I could prove. I was a detective, after all.
The atmosphere inside the station did nothing to convince me I wasn’t right. It was that same sense of dread that sat inside the building over a month ago. I could only assume the unthinkable happened for a third time. Another girl was missing.
Naturally, we’d have to talk with Madison. Talk with whoever he put in that interview room. That took precedent. That took priority. But we couldn’t leave the evidence we found just sitting out in the open either.
“Where the hell have you two been?” His voice came booming into our office.
“Checking the truck in the grocery store back parking lot, like we said we were,” I took a deep breath. The last thing this situation needed was escalation. “What happ-”
“Well, while you were fucking around we had another set of paniked parents come in saying their daughter was missing.”
“I’m sorry,” It was going to be an uphill battle to control my temper, “‘while we were fucking around?’”
“I don’t think I need to repeat myself,” he crossed his arms.
“We were investigating a lead,” I explained. “And you knew that, right?”
“I frankly don’t give a shit what you were doing,” he argued back, stepping into the office. “Those parents have been waiting over an hour.”
“Does your radio not work or something?” I crossed my arms.
“What the hell are you–”
“‘Detective McNeil, we have an emergency at the station we need you back ASAP,’” I started to mime a conversation. “‘Roger that, we’ll get there in about ten minutes.’ Did you not think to get in contact with us?”
“I could really do without your sass right now,” he spat out.
“And we could do without you yelling at us for something that isn’t our fucking fault!” I defended myself as he tried to intimidate me. “All we were doing was our job and you failed to do yours.”
“No, what you were doing was dicking around while there was actual shit to do here.”
“Dicking around?!” I couldn’t deny that I was losing now. “I’m sorry that we weren’t just standing around in the office waiting for something to fall into our laps but if we want to solve this we have to–”
“No, what you have to do is go talk to the parents,” he argued. “I’m sick of you wasting time.”
“I’m wasting time and yet you haven’t given us any information,” I laughed as I reached into the pocket. “Instead, you just want to stand here and yell at us.”
“Guys, let's just calm down,” Puck tried to get a hold of the situation.
“I’m perfectly calm,” I responded, handing the letter to Madison. “And by the way, the truck did belong to the suspect so we need to impound it and run the plates but I completely understand if that gets in the way of your very busy schedule.”
“I swear, if you–”
“And don’t worry about telling us about the victim, I’m sure we can figure that out too,” I rolled my eyes before shoving past him. All we really needed was a name. He couldn’t seem to provide even that.
Sometimes I just wanted to strangle him. Sometimes I wondered how he even reached this position. I knew plenty of people in this station with better leadership skills than him. And yet we still had to answer to him. We still had to report to him. He still gets to tell us what to do.
Bullshit, if you ask me. We could be miles ahead if that self righteous jackass would just let us do our job. But this was no time to mope around, there was another missing girl. Another potential victim. Another destroyed family. Another layer to this case.
Making deals with the devil, I'd be better off dead,
I see that picture of myself, yeah it's crystal clear,
I see who ripped my heart out, I'm just holding the mirror
Sue can't sleep, but she knows there's a person she can always call
Tags: Mental health issues, Themes of Depression, Pop Star Au, Famous Sue Storm, Developing Relationship, Romance, Drama, Relationship Drama, Eventual Smut, Musicians, Music, Shitty Lyrics Sprinkled Throughout (Do Not Mention Them), Past Sue Storm/Namor, Sue Storm Needs A Hug, No Beta We Die Like My Ability To Do Anything But Write
Ao3 Official playlist (Spotify) Masterlist
It didn’t stop. It had been over a week at this point. Last minute meetings filled her so much of her days that she thought she could just ignore it. She was too busy to just wallow anymore but all this work didn’t offer her a distraction. She couldn’t forget that there was a spot open on her list.
He stopped calling a few days ago. It wasn’t like she gave him any reason to keep it up. Never having the nerve to give him any sort of response. She gave him every reason to believe that it was over. Even if that’s the last thing she wanted.
Part of her knew that it was up to her. She had the ability to reach out. To apologize for everything she was doing to him. Yelling at him. Ignoring him. Making him believe that she never cared.
But she was a coward. Calling him would be admitting that she stupid and selfish. That she wasn’t the girl he thought she was. That she’d been putting on an act for the past few months.
This was who she really was. The girl who yelled at him that night was the real her. That angry girl was who she was hiding from him. She didn’t deserve to hide that anymore.
She hadn’t been getting much sleep. She knew that she should. She needed to get a lot of rest given that the biggest performance of her life was only a few days away. God, she couldn’t even believe it. The pressure was squeezing on her heart.
No, she had to do this. She told Wanda that she could do this. She couldn’t change her mind now. But that didn’t calm her any. The fact that she couldn’t back out only made her mind race more.
It must’ve been getting close to midnight at this point. Far too late to be up. No helpful thoughts could be produced at this time of night. But she knew deep down, there was no chance of her getting any sort of sleep tonight.
Maybe she could if she wasn’t just staring at her phone. Looking at all those missed calls she couldn’t bring herself to answer. All the effort that Reed was putting in to save them and all the effort she put in to ignore it. Twenty calls in total. Twenty lines of his name in red.
She debated listening to the voicemails. If anything, they’d just make her feel worse. She did hurt him, after all. Hurt him in a way she never thought she could. But she couldn’t just hide from this. She couldn’t let herself ignore what she’d done. If she was ready to admit that she hurt him, then she had to know how much.
“Sue, I know that you don’t want to talk to me right now,” his voice sounded so broken as she played the first message. Timestamped about an hour after everything went down. “You have every right not to pick up. But I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I know that I hurt you and I never wanted to do that. Please, just call me when you can.”
All of this was just making her feel more guilty. More disgusted with herself. But she had to keep going.
“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, Sue, I don’t want to be incessant,” the next one was from the morning after. When she was trying and failing to get any sleep under Johnny’s orders. “I just want to talk to you. I don’t feel good about how everything went down and if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine. I just wanted to say again that I’m sorry. If I had any idea at all that you didn’t want me to hear those songs I would’ve left them and never mentioned it again. You don’t have to forgive me, god knows I fucked up, but please, I just want to know if you’re okay.”
The next one was from that night. Sue hadn’t moved from her bed for at least twelve hours. Johnny had cleaned up the mess she had made. All those torn pages and the smashed guitar. She still didn’t want to believe she smashed the guitar. One of the last things she had left of her parents. Smashed it like it was nothing. Just because she was upset.
“I’m trying to give you space, I really am,” he sounded worse and worse with every message he sent. Like she broke him down little by little every time she just let it ring. “But I don’t want to lose you. And I know that you’ve probably already made up your mind or you just need time but I keep checking my phone hoping that you said something. If this is just about the songs, I promise that I wouldn’t judge you. I understand that I violated your privacy even if I didn’t intend to but I don’t want you to think that it changed anything for me. God, this probably isn’t helping but I just wanted to tell you.”
The next one from two days after. A few hours before her meeting with Wanda. She remembered looking at the screen and letting it hang up. It was only just hitting her how cruel it all was.
“Sue, I know that you probably aren’t listening to these,” he took a shaky breath. It sounded like he had been crying. She couldn’t think of a time he actually cried. And she was making him cry. “It’s completely within your rights. I feel bad even leaving them but it just hurts so bad. I don’t want to lose you, Sue. I know that I fucked up but if there’s anything I can do to fix it, I’ll do it. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I know that I’m probably bothering you but… I don’t know what else to do, I’m sorry.”
One last voicemail. A few days ago. Late at night. She had a full day of meetings. A thousand little moments where she almost broke down. She heard it coming in. She just let it ring. She didn’t even know why anymore.
“I’m sorry for calling you again, Sue,” his voice sounded calmer. Flat. As if every ounce of emotion was drained out of his body. “I should’ve got the message days ago at this point. I understand that you don’t want to fix this now and as much as it hurts, I have to be okay with that. I’m not going to come to your place and beg or anything. I just wanted to say that I miss you. I meant it when I said you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I cherished every single moment we had but I know I’m the one who fucked up. If–”
He paused for a few seconds. Took a few shaky breaths. “If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. I’m not going to call you again. I’m not going to come over. I’m not going to stop Johnny in the hall and ask how you’re doing. But as stupid as it might make me, I’d always answer the door for you. I hope your show goes well, I really do. I hope you find everything that you ever wanted and if I’m not that, it’s fine. Goodbye.”
It took everything in her not to throw her phone at the wall. She hated herself more as she sat with it. Sat with what she had done. She could never imagine hurting him. She needed him. She loved him. And she still hurt him.
She didn’t deserve the grace and understanding he was willing to give. He had every right to hate her. It felt impossible that he couldn’t. That even after everything she’d done to him, he still wanted her. That wasn’t fair.
When did she become so cruel? So cruel and selfish. How could she even look at herself in the mirror? How could she go up on that stage with a smile and pretend that she wasn’t? She was lying to everyone. She was lying to herself.
There was no point trying to go to sleep. Not while she was silently sobbing. It was over. It was over and it was all her fault. She ruined the best thing that happened to her.
She hadn’t told anyone. Hadn’t even said it outloud. She broke up with Reed. She was stupid enough to let it fall apart. She was a fucking mess and no one even knew why. And as she was crying on her bed, staring at her phone, there was only one thing she could think of doing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luna’s was empty. Not many people bothered to stay out this late. But she appreciated it. She couldn’t do this over the phone or at the apartment. This was the only place that felt right. It was their place, after all.
It took a bit before Jen walked through the door, naturally concerned. She’d been giving her a lot to worry about lately. A lot more than she should.
“Hey, babe,” Sue walked over to hug her. She knew that she looked like a mess. A sweatshirt and pajama pants. Her hair and makeup wasn’t done. It wasn’t hard to see that she was crying.
“I wouldn’t have come for anyone else, you know,” Jen’s voice was quieter than it usually was. She couldn’t blame her if she was tired.
“I’m sorry, I know I’m being ridiculous right now,” she apologized before sitting back down.
“Don’t apologize,” she insisted. “What’s going on?”
“It would be easier to say what isn’t,” she wiped a tear that was trying to fall down her cheek. “I’m dreading doing Dreamland and I know that I shouldn’t be. I should be so excited about it, I mean it’s been my dream for so long. But I can’t think about getting on that stage without having a panic attack and I don’t know why.”
“It’s probably just the jitters,” she shrugged. “It’s a big deal. The biggest concert you’ve put on but I know you’ll get on that stage and it’ll all go away.”
“No, it isn’t that,” she denied. “I’ve had stage fright before and it doesn’t squeeze my heart and make it hard to breathe. It doesn’t make me want to run away from everyone.”
“Sue, it’s gonna be fine,” she tried to comfort her.
“I don’t know how everything went wrong,” she put her head in her hands. “I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment where I took the turn and slap myself. I wish I had enough of a backbone to just say no but I don’t so I’m stuck with more photoshoots and bodysuits and that stupid fucking song everyone loves now.”
“None of that is your fault.”
“It is, Jen,” every single bit of it. “I had multiple opportunities to say no and I didn’t. Hell, Wanda even gave me the opportunity to pull out entirely and I didn’t take it. And I’m trying so hard to just get through all of this but I can’t imagine going up there and singing that song without crying.”
“Why?” She asked. “It’s a good song, Sue.”
“It’s embarrassing,” she denied her friend’s claim, “it’s vapid and it’s worthless. It’s steps below what I can do but that’s not even the reason I fucking hate it anymore.”
“You have to stop talking about yourself like that, Sue,” she tried to reason with her about her purely emotional stance. “It’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s–”
“It’s about Reed.” She didn’t know if she was even talking about the song anymore.
“Yeah, no shit. It’s about your boyfriend. Why would that be…” Jen trailed off as she saw the look on Sue’s face. She was trying to hold back sobs that were punching their way up her throat. “Oh babe, why didn’t you just tell me?”
She couldn’t get any noise out as Jen walked across the table to hug her. Keeping her in that strong embrace and letting her get it all out. Everything she had been holding in for over a week. “It’s my fault.”
“I don’t care,” Jen shook her head, squeezing ever so slightly tighter.
“I hurt him,” she mumbled the admission into her shoulder, “and I lost any chance to fix it because I was too fucking selfish to see that I hurt him.”
“What happened?”
“It’s so stupid,” she tried to stop the sobs from coming out. Tried everything she could to explain what went down. What was so important that she threw everything away. “I said he could listen to my demos and I didn’t tell him about these one songs that I didn’t want him to hear so obviously he listened to them and I just lost it.”
“It’s not stupid,” she denied. “You felt violated. And yeah, you shouldn’t have lashed out but that doesn’t mean everything is ruined.”
“He tried to call so many times,” the distinctive taste of snot found its way into her mouth. Almost enough to make her gag. “I just let them ring. I never listened to the voicemails he left. I treated him like he never mattered at all and I don’t even know why. I don’t know how I could be so cruel.”
“You can always call him back,” Jen tried to comfort her. Tried to offer the solution that she had already thought of.
“I can’t,” Sue didn’t know how much longer she could cry. How much longer until her body would just run out of water.
“You can,” she rubbed circles onto her back. Anything to calm her down. Nothing was going to work. “If I know anything about him, I know that he’d pick up.”
“That’s why I can’t,” she tried to explain as her sobs started to sound more like wheezing. “He’d always pick up and he’d always open the door if I was on the other side and I treated him like that. He shouldn’t care so much about me. I don’t deserve it, Jen. I never have.”
“You do deserve it,” she argued. “You deserve someone who’s caring and compassionate and forgiving and–”
“I can’t do that to him,” just the thought made her sick. Showing up and just walking back into his life after everything she’s done. “It doesn’t matter what I deserve, he deserves someone who wouldn’t yell at him and ignore him and treat him like this. I deserve to feel this awful. I deserve to feel this hopeless about it because I hurt him so badly.”
“That’s not true,” she could tell that her friend was crying too. “You’re not irredeemable just because you made a mistake.”
“When did I become so cruel?” She asked in earnest. “Have I just always been this mean and angry and selfish and just cruel?”
“If you’re trying to make me say that you haven’t always been a bitch, you’ll have to kill me first.” Her joke made Sue smile for the first time in what felt like forever. “I know that you still love Reed. You wouldn’t be waking me up after midnight and crying your eyes out if you didn’t. If you want my advice, do what feels right right now. Whether that’s calling him or just leaving time for you both to process everything.”
“I don’t want to sing that song if he’s not there,” she tried to spell it out for herself, “but I can’t just go over and ask him to forget everything that I’ve done and I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Well, if that’s the problem then Voyeurists is about me now,” she sighed dramatically. “I will graciously bear this burden for you.”
“Oh, such a burden,” she rolled her eyes. “You just want me to queerbait everyone?”
“Queerbait?” Her gasp was incredulous. “I thought you were in love with me, Sue.”
“If you thought I was in love with you, why did you set me up with Reed?” She couldn’t help but laugh, still trapped in Jen’s embrace.
“I was trying to get in on that shit,” she defended herself. “Sharing is caring, you know.”
“Oh, like you’ve ever shared.”
“You don’t want the men I associate with. I’m protecting you, it’s an act of love,” she laughed before remembering something. “Wait, you do have to go back to Reed’s.”
“Why?” She looked her in the eyes.
“He still has your panties.” She couldn’t help but lose it as she got the words out.
“I should’ve never told you that,” she playfully hit her shoulder.
Sue didn’t know if she was going to get any sleep tonight. If it was even worth it to try. She wasn’t going to lie and say the pit had disappeared from her gut. That the doubt wasn’t still in her mind. But maybe she could think it through for a little while more.
She knew she could do Dreamland. She could get on that stage and sing any song she wanted to. It didn’t matter who wasn’t there because she could look out and see her friend. Her best friend who stood by her even if she was wrong. That mattered more than anything else right now.
